fruitofthewomb Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 My DH feels like our kids are terrible. I think they are average. Here are some examples of their bad behavior. There are 5 girls 9, 6, 4, 2, 9 mos Tonight: While I was cooking dinner they were playing in bedroom. Two were screaming-not fighting. Just making noise. I went back there & told them to hush. About 3 minutes later they run down hallway squealing. At supper we are talking about a state park. I get up to look at map. Everyone jumps up & starts trying to look at map too. Then the little ones decide they want to sit by me. Somehow a plate gets left on kitchen floor. At bath time the little ones splash water out of tub. Everyone has to be reminded numerous times to brush their hair. Older ones forget to pick up clothes out of bathroom floor. Little ones get out of bed twice to ask silly questions. I think this is normal (although irritating) kid behavior. He disagrees. Does this look average? Do your kids do as their told every time? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 sounds completely benign and normal to me. you are raising children, not machines. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 IMO totally normal and well behaved! I must say DC behavior is worse when DH comes home which I attribute to being excited. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Sounds totally average to me, BUT I am viewing it as a 53 year old whose kids are grown. My daughter sent a text tonight that her 5 year old shaved her eyebrows off tonight. Daughter was upset. I just laughed. See...she'll think it's funny one day but right now she's just exhausted, stressed, and can't see the humor or normalcy of this kind of thing. What you're going through seems very normal to me. Very. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bagel270 Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Sounds like my house. Except there's a bunch boys here instead. And one girl who is not any quieter or calmer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Totally normal and developmentally appropriate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomtoCandJ Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Sounds normal to me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauraw4321 Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I vote normal kid behavior. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Yikes, if this is their "bad" behavior, you have very well behaved kids. Your husband needs to adjust his thinking about this. Your daughters shouldn't anyways feel like their father disapproves or thinks they are misbehaving. Was he raised by very strict patents? Or perhaps as an only child? Maybe the chaos of five young children is making everything seem worse than it is? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyD Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Coaching youth soccer has been a revelation for my DH. Turns out other people's kids also throw fits, don't listen, and are unable to cope sometimes. In fact, our kids aren't even that bad! Who knew? (Well, I did, actually.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Sounds normal...but stressful. I hate squealing. I vowed I was never going to tolerate squealing from my kids.....Daughter number 2 had a high pitch chatter that would make you grind you teeth. That kid was like nails on a chalkboard. :crying: I never did learn to tolerate squealing but I learned to tolerate the child. She outgrew it. :thumbup1: Just because it's normal doesn't mean it's always easy to deal with. Your husband probably just doesn't have enough perspective to see the bigger picture. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 NORMAL! And one day he'll miss all the girly commotion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Another Lynn Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Maybe there's a difference between what is normal and what are your goals? I do not consider childish antics abnormal, but neither do I leave them unaddressed. My kids know that I don't tolerate screaming in the house. That doesn't mean it never happens - but it means I don't ignore it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Another vote for normal. However, there can be stressful days where "normal behavior" piles up and it feels like you're raising a bunch of juvenile delinquents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gentlemommy Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Send him over to my house, he will come home thinking your kids are angels! 😛 Seriously, maybe some stories of other kids would help? FWIW, I think mine are all typical, energetic, and curious kids... The four year old painted the dog with colored bubbles. Same kid squirted glitter hair gel all over her stuffed toys...they were getting make overs. The older two (at the time 8 and 5) set leaves on fire in the front yard with a magnifying glass. Youngest unscrewed all the door stoppers in the entire house. When asked, her explanation was that they were alligators and she was a lion, and she was cutting them off so save us. Younger two got into daddy's shaving cream and 'cleaned' the bathroom walls with it. All three moved the couch and coffee table into the kitchen and turned the living room into a gymnasium while I was folding laundry upstairs. Little dd found scissors and cut her shirt up. Oldest dd did the same to my curtains when she was about 3. Running through the house screaming (happily) while totally absorbed in a game is a regular occurrence around here. Older two slid down the stairs on Tupperware lids. Oldest climbed a tree in order to get from that onto my in laws roof. Youngest 'taught' the neighbor boy it was ok to pee off the treehouse into the woods. And there's the time the older two (aged 7 and 4 at the time) were sent to get into a shower, and got naked, and ran around the OUTSIDE of the house. In a suburban neighborhood. ðŸ˜ðŸ˜£ So, read him that list...I swear, I'm (somewhat) in charge around here. My kids are for the most part really great and respectful and sweet. Not everyday is chaos. However, they think of things I never would expect! It's all curiosity, and child like and now I look back and giggle to myself remembering all those times. It's tiring and exasperating in the moment sometimes, but soon enough they'll grow, they won't do those silly things anymore....we will have bigger, and much more real things to worry about than climbing up the stairs on the OUTside of the rail...😜 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Sounds like my house... and I only have 2 kids! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 ...shaved her eyebrows! :) :) :) All of it sounds normal. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Childish does not usually equal rottenness, and that's what I mainly see in your examples. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tangerine Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Coaching youth soccer has been a revelation for my DH. Turns out other people's kids also throw fits, don't listen, and are unable to cope sometimes In fact, our kids aren't even that bad! Who knew? (Well, I did, actually.) Yes! How often does DH spend time with groups of other children? If he doesn't, I would try to arrange that. Nothing makes me appreciate my kids like spending a night at Boy Scouts or the like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fruitofthewomb Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 Yikes, if this is their "bad" behavior, you have very well behaved kids. Your husband needs to adjust his thinking about this. Your daughters shouldn't anyways feel like their father disapproves or thinks they are misbehaving. Was he raised by very strict patents? Or perhaps as an only child? Maybe the chaos of five young children is making everything seem worse than it is? This was just a typical night. They have all done worse things. He is one of 5 kids & didn't have strict parents. He is an introvert so maybe he is having a hard time with the chaos that comes with a house full. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiMi 4under3 Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Couldn't be any more normal or tame. So, to answer your question, DH needs a reality check. :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Sounds normal to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fruitofthewomb Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 Yes! How often does DH spend time with groups of other children? If he doesn't, I would try to arrange that. Nothing makes me appreciate my kids like spending a night at Boy Scouts or the like. He doesn't spend much time with other kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Sounds like normal behavior. I do have sympathy for your husband though- I can't handle screaming, either. Whining, arguing, etc., doesn't bother me, but kids screaming for no reason makes me want to curl up in the fetal position. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Normal, but not something I "let go" of. I expect them to do stuff like that, but I also do something about it... But I also have only 2 kids and no baby. Basically, they won't do it if an adult stands right there reminding them and helping them to make better choices. If you've got the energy for that, fine. If not, you tolerate it and work on the stuff that matters more. If DH wants to step in and *help* through supervision, reminders and redirection -- that's great. It is something that benefits from parental attention more swiftly that it is grown out of naturally... But if he just wants to blame them for being childish, or blame you for not yet making them able to have full self-control at their ages (duh!) -- that's not help. It's criticism. At their ages self control depends on either adult presence or force-of-habit. So he can go help, or let it go and focus on things that matter more... Just like you. Blame is a destructive waste of energy. That feeling he gets that their behaviour is not grand -- it is his innate urge to jump in and be a parent. Encourage him to use it positively to jump in and do what the kids need (go supervise, or go build some habits, or both). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 This is absolutely normal behavior. It might feel magnified to your husband because of the grouping of young children(5) and their ages. It takes a steady, gentling hand to keep a peaceful order and it will often move in the direction you wrote about anyway. I think it might help to figure out what is really important to you and work toward that. My husband has a zero tolerance policy for the screaming that you shared- so we train toward no screaming/running in the house. The map situation would also really stress us out- so we train to teaching them to sit with self control. We try to keep a bedtime routine- but they still need to be told and reminded constantly about what/when to do their stuff. In fact, I think I have to go upstairs and tell my ten year old daughter to get in her bed (again). Wait...maybe not. It is quiet up there! When I saw your ages listed, I could immediately commiserate. All of that behavior is so normal but it is so magnified by many young children in one setting. Children are gifts and they should be cherished and enjoyed. Just having a positive attitude toward them can go a long way toward making their natural childishness tolerable. If these issues are truly hampering your and DH enjoyment of your children- I would work toward different patterns. I know this is easier said than done... says this exhausted Mama who had a truly long and hectic day with my own. Children do not naturally know to respect their Mother(map situation), to not screech in delight, and to not leave their plate on the floor. And even if they are told, they are prone to completely forget themselves (again and again). As I have been typing, reply after reply has been added here. I hope this is worth something. I am coming from a perspective of many young children. -Rebecca Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Normal. Kids are not tiny adults. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I agree that it's normal. Of course most of those are areas to work on, but a child is a project, not a masterpiece. :P The running and squealing during play is a good thing IMO, and your husband needs to learn to tolerate normal, healthy girl noises. Maybe he should ask some of his work buddies about their daughters and if they all sit demurely and knit lace all evening. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Totally normal, even if it's irritating. Especially the getting out of bed part. ;) (A nightly event here) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 It is possible your husband needs some time to hide in a quiet place as he transitions from work to home. But that is his issue, it's not your daughters' fault. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 This was just a typical night. They have all done worse things. He is one of 5 kids & didn't have strict parents. He is an introvert so maybe he is having a hard time with the chaos that comes with a house full. Your dc sound normal to me. I'm from a big, loud family and even though I'm an introvert I can handle all the noise that comes with dc because that's what I grew up with. OTOH dh is nearly an only; his 2 siblings are 12 and 14 years older. And he's an introvert also. He grew up in a very quiet household. It was so quiet it made me uncomfortable. But dh was uncomfortable around my family--he felt it was so chaotic all the time. When our dc would get a bit rambunctious or have fights dh thought something was wrong with them--that dc shouldn't be like that. lol. He knows better now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SproutMamaK Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I vote normal as well. We all get tired of it at times, but it's totally normal for children to behave that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Sounds pretty normal to me--not terrible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Youngest unscrewed all the door stoppers in the entire house. When asked, her explanation was that they were alligators and she was a lion, and she was cutting them off so save us ROFL! My youngest did that, too, but heck, that's the very best "reason" I have ever heard! Plus, the child *DID* eliminate alligators, I bet! Do you have alligator problems? See? I thought not! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Um_2_4 Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 This is funny to me. Because DH and I are opposites as far as FOO. I was an only of older parents (35/45 when I was born) and Dh is the oldest of 13 kids with younger parents. But he grew up in an area/era where kids played down on the street or between flats in the apt building, not in the house. I grew up playing alone or with A neighbor girl in our backyards (suburbia). So one would think I would be the one to not be able to handle the noise, but my DH is more like yours. I am more laid back, but I spend all day with them and know the "we are playing" screams from the "ow, I'm hurt" screams. So I am slower to run in and rescue them. There are certain rules I am non-negotiable on, like no rough housing, but the noise does not bother me as long as it is not too late/early or loud enough to disturb the neighbors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 This was just a typical night. They have all done worse things. He is one of 5 kids & didn't have strict parents. He is an introvert so maybe he is having a hard time with the chaos that comes with a house full. I vote NORMAL. :) Not for anything, but your dh has had years to get used to a "house full." It's not as though all of the kids showed up on your doorstep one afternoon, right? Sorry to seem unsympathetic toward him, but if he is such an introvert, perhaps he should have considered that before you guys had all those children. As it is, the kids are there, so he is going to have to learn to deal with normal household activity, which includes some noise and lots of activity. I hope he can find a way to relax and lighten up, or he's going to be pretty miserable for the next 18 years or so. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Completely normal. I had to laugh out loud when I read this because the vision I had of the chaos was exactly my house on a typical weeknight. And I only have two. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I think it's completely normal. My dds are 12 and 14 and there is still often noise and squealing - and I actually love it. I enjoy hearing and seeing them interact so well and have high hopes that they will continue to be close and good friends well into adulthood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I was chasing my kids and making them scream through the house tonight. Does that mean they're bad or I'm bad? :P That's how my house was when I was a kid 40 years ago, too. (6 kids.) We were considered pretty well-behaved kids, but we moved around and made noise. So it isn't even "kids these days" .... My mom used to say that it's better for kids to let their hair down or even be downright bratty at home, as long as they act right in public. I also think one of the best compliments I ever got from my kids was when they said they didn't want to go to a movie or the like, they just wanted to go home where they could relax and be themselves. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Normal. But I think some parents naturally have less tolerance/patience for normal kid behavior/chaos than others, even when they love the kids involved. Of course many parents have less tolerance when pressure is building up otherwise, they are physically run down, whatever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Completely normal. I had to laugh out loud when I read this because the vision I had of the chaos was exactly my house on a typical weeknight. And I only have two. This reminds me of when my boys were young and we'd just moved into a new house. The cable guy came and the boys were running around. Cable guy was fine with the boys' play because "I have 3 kids too." The thing is, at the time I had only 2 kids. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dory Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 That sounds pretty normal for those ages to me. It does get better as they age, but little kids are impulsive, forgetful, and energetic. To expect them not to be isn't fair. You keep nudging, reminding, and pushing them to grow, but you have to be patient with them being kids. Does he expect them to be never forgetful of plates, never excited, always in perfect control of their emotions and acting like little adults? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Sounds totally average to me, BUT I am viewing it as a 53 year old whose kids are grown. My daughter sent a text tonight that her 5 year old shaved her eyebrows off tonight. Daughter was upset. I just laughed. See...she'll think it's funny one day but right now she's just exhausted, stressed, and can't see the humor or normalcy of this kind of thing. What you're going through seems very normal to me. Very. :lol: :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Normal. But I think some parents naturally have less tolerance/patience for normal kid behavior/chaos than others, even when they love the kids involved. Of course many parents have less tolerance when pressure is building up otherwise, they are physically run down, whatever. Right. The other day my kid was getting on my nerves. I realized it was me who was on my very last nerve (work stress), and my kid was just being her normal happy self. (I think she was singing or something.) I resisted the urge to snap at her - this time. Other times I have been known to tell the kids I am in a bad mood and can't deal with any ___. Usually they will give me space and relative quiet until I get over myself. But I wouldn't want my kids to be afraid of natural self-expression or afraid to miss a step in the routine lest they be treated as "bad" over that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 My daughter sent a text tonight that her 5 year old shaved her eyebrows off tonight. Daughter was upset. I just laughed. See...she'll think it's funny one day but right now she's just exhausted, stressed, and can't see the humor or normalcy of this kind of thing. That's funny, my younger sister just sent a text / photo of her almost-5yo who cut her hair today. She was pretty steamed too. LOL. I'm just glad my kids are (hopefully) past that stage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fruitofthewomb Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 It is possible your husband needs some time to hide in a quiet place as he transitions from work to home. But that is his issue, it's not your daughters' fault. I have encouraged him to go workout or something before coming home. He has a stressful job. Maybe I just need to say-don't come home until dinner. Although I won't bc heck-I want a break too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tammyw Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I think it can be harder for the person who works outside the home because they aren't around it all the time. We are a loud family (and only two kids). I become more immune to the noise compared to my husband because I'm the one who is always here and hearing it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fruitofthewomb Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 This is funny to me. Because DH and I are opposites as far as FOO. I was an only of older parents (35/45 when I was born) and Dh is the oldest of 13 kids with younger parents. But he grew up in an area/era where kids played down on the street or between flats in the apt building, not in the house. I grew up playing alone or with A neighbor girl in our backyards (suburbia). So one would think I would be the one to not be able to handle the noise, but my DH is more like yours. I am more laid back, but I spend all day with them and know the "we are playing" screams from the "ow, I'm hurt" screams. So I am slower to run in and rescue them. There are certain rules I am non-negotiable on, like no rough housing, but the noise does not bother me as long as it is not too late/early or loud enough to disturb the neighbors. His family (esp his mom) is extremely loud. So you would think he would be used to it. But his mom's lack of volume control makes him nuts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fruitofthewomb Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 I vote NORMAL. :) Not for anything, but your dh has had years to get used to a "house full." It's not as though all of the kids showed up on your doorstep one afternoon, right? Sorry to seem unsympathetic toward him, but if he is such an introvert, perhaps he should have considered that before you guys had all those children. As it is, the kids are there, so he is going to have to learn to deal with normal household activity, which includes some noise and lots of activity. I hope he can find a way to relax and lighten up, or he's going to be pretty miserable for the next 18 years or so. ;) Yes to this! It was a mutual decision to have a larger than average family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Two of your children are too young to have any real expectations on their behavior. As for the rest, not only is this normal, but it's positively saintly compared to some of the antics my darlings get up to. No shoving and elbowing as they try to get closer to that map? No tossing a plate into the sink from across the kitchen? They have to be *reminded* to brush their hair, they don't whine about it and then dither between doing it themselves and having you do it? 99% of the time none of that happens, but that 1% will kill ya :) Seriously, I agree with other posters. He's had nine years to get used to children. He clearly needs to spend way more time with children, including your own, and probably also do more read alouds with them. I suggest The Exiles or The Penderwicks or Ramona the Pest. After three chapters of those girls, he'll appreciate your own ever so much more. (Reading: Is there any problem it can't solve?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.