Post your first reaction to this:

[BlsdMama]

Ah, yeah, stop doing that. I know you have to feed yourself and the kids, but if you don't want to cook, cook as little as possible. At our house that looks like...havingthe same thing for breakfast every day, having lots of stuff the kids can get, make, and eat themselves, and making big batchs of stuff that can done different ways when I *do* feel like standing around in my kitchen being bored out of my skull (cooking).

;)

 

Lol, that's only an option for some families. Families with littles have to do prep whether they like it or not as the little fold can't prep their own food.

 

I don't enjoy cooking -not even a little, really. I honestly can't imagine my dh pulling this. To some a molehill, to me? Mountain.

 

Best things we ever bought?

 

Blender for breakfast smoothies and a smoker grill for dinner.

[Seasider]

If it happened often, I would focus cooking efforts on what's healthy and pleasing for me and the kids. I'd prepare enough for him, but not cater to his whims.

 

Frankly, I might also let his late afternoon calls start going straight to voice mail.

[Slache]

Offended.

[PrairieSong]

A one time thing, and not said in a snarky way? I probably wouldn't mind. Happens a lot? I wouldn't like that and we'd be having a discussion.

 

Fortunately, my dh isn't picky and likes my cooking.

[Joker]

I honestly don't know as dh has never, and will never, do this but I know if I don't feel like eating what's on the menu that I will not cook and we will eat out or get takeout. So, I don't think I would be upset if dh decides the same. Of course, the difference is that dh would bring food home for all of us and not eat out by himself. I wouldn't be okay with that happening since we always eat dinner together.

[OneStepAtATime]

So based on your additional posts, your DH is, on a regular basis, checking with you to see what you are already cooking and worked hard to prepare so that his diabetes is taken into account (instead of discussing with you what the meal will be before you start) and then if it isn't to his liking he goes out to eat on his own, without the family.  

 

That would not be acceptable.  That would be rude and hurtful.  I would definitely not be o.k. with that happening on a regular basis because it doesn't show any respect or concern for the family as a whole or me as the person who was trying hard to provide a good meal for the family (and especially DH with his diabetes).  He is only thinking about himself.  And I think it sends the wrong message to my children regarding commitment when you take on the responsibility of marriage and family.

 

In fact, I would assume that there was more to this behavior than just the food selection.  As mentioned up thread, it may very well be that he does have an addiction to foods that are not good for his diabetes.  I am hypoglycemic and I know as a child there were times when I was desperate to get hold of junk.  It really was an addiction.  The craving was horrendous.  

 

Whatever the issue, I would try to address it very clearly and directly, without getting my hurt feelings involved.  Yes, he needs to be aware of how hurt you are.  He also should be aware of how disrespectful this is and how he is telling his kids they don't have to respect you as the parent/cook anymore than he does.  That is a terrible precedent to set.  

 

But he may very well be in a sort of addiction mode because of the diabetes and may not be able to rationally examine the situation in that moment of craving.  Can you see if he is willing to talk about this from that angle?  Would he be willing to talk to his doctor?  If that is at least part of the issue, is there some sort of snack he can carry with him for the drive home, so he can make it through the door without food cravings turning his head?

 

Hugs, OP.  I know this is frustrating and painful.   I hope you can find a positive resolution.  Best wishes.

[Arcadia]

No food oddities, these are all meals he likes. He just doesn't " feel like it". I didn't " feel like" cooking but I did it anyway

Maybe pack his share of dinner for him to bring to work as lunch the next day.

 

ETA:

How long has he been diabetic? My paternal aunts would cheat the first few years because they hate their restricted diet.

[*lifeoftheparty*]

.

[Liz CA]

It's usually already in process.

 

And you posted that he tells the kids to eat what you cook but does not lead by example. So while the kids have to eat what may not be their favorite food now and then at least, he unrolls his food of choice at the dinner table in front of everyone? Just weird...and inconsiderate.

[Miss Peregrine]

And you posted that he tells the kids to eat what you cook but does not lead by example. So while the kids have to eat what may not be their favorite food now and then at least, he unrolls his food of choice at the dinner table in front of everyone? Just weird...and inconsiderate.

He eats on his way home. If we are still eating when he gets home he sits with us. Still inconsiderate.

I probably should check my blood pressure. Lol.

[Miss Peregrine]

Maybe pack his share of dinner for him to bring to work as lunch the next day.

 

ETA:

How long has he been diabetic? My paternal aunts would cheat the first few years because they hate their restricted diet.

Diagnosed 4 years. I suspect much longer than that.

[fraidycat]

Yes, until 10:00pm.

 

Your post assumes that families can't eat dinner together because one member (or more) gets home late. Not so. We make it a priority to always have dinner together. I don't think I have to feel bad about that. If you do then that's on you.

DH should be home sometime next spring or summer. Should I hold dinner?

 

:lol:

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:

[Scarlett]

nothing nice is my first reaction.

 

Which is probably why it's never happened.

 

I'd be stunned if my dh did that.

Me too. I can't even wrap my brain around it.

[mamaraby]

So none of the mamas here eat something different if they don't feel like what dh cooks ? :)

 

Idk, it all sounds very stressful.

Nope. Why would I? This is really such a foreign concept to me. I literally cannot fathom why one would do that or why it's stressful to eat the meal made.

[Liz CA]

Diagnosed 4 years. I suspect much longer than that.

 

This diabetes issue is somewhat interesting. Didn't catch that before my posts. Interesting, because Jean, whose dh is also diabetic, has experienced similar behavior. Maybe it's the one night they are rolling in the donuts...:)

[SKL]

My reaction is that communication needs to be better.  You don't wait until after someone is cooking your dinner to decide you don't want that.

[mamaraby]

I can't fathom the lack of flexibility. I might eat something different if dh has decided to roast meat, and I don't feel that I need meat. Or I might not be very hungry, so I'll toast myself a sandwich later.

Different families, different people, different ways of being married. You need that flexibility and one would assume you have communicated it with your partner and you both agree that this is how your relationship should work. That wouldn't work for me. We do things together. It's what we do.

 

There is no one way to be married. The key is that both people have to agree on how things work. If expectations differ then conflict arises. Might another way work for the OP? Sure, but that'll have to be something they agree on together. Defaulting to any one way of doing things isn't really going to solve the issue.

[fraidycat]

I can't fathom the lack of flexibility. I might eat something different if dh has decided to roast meat, and I don't feel that I need meat. Or I might not be very hungry, so I'll toast myself a sandwich later.

 

I can't see why I would make myself eat something my body doesn't want or need just to be polite.

 

The lack of flexibility is what seems stressful to me. Sometimes I do just eat what I'm served...but I would resent having to eat it if I didn't want it. If dh cooks and I eat something else, or just have a cup of tea, it isn't a problem. He doesn't feel offended. The fridge is there to store leftovers.

If somebody's gonna feed me, I'm gonna eat it! I have a tendency to just not eat, rather than prep something for myself. The less I have to deal with food, the better.

[Miss Peregrine]

So none of the mamas here eat something different if they don't feel like what dh cooks ? :)

 

Idk, it all sounds very stressful.

No matter who cooks, there are a variety of dishes on the table. Everyone dishes out what they want and no one comments, unless you're being a hog with something. I might only eat the salad and the beans. DH might eat the ribs, the beans, and the salad. Another kid might eat only beans. I don't care. That to me is a whole lot different than leaving the table, as it were, and eating somewhere else. The point of the meal is eating together, connecting.

 

And no, we don't eat together every single night. When DH is on graves, we can't. Dd18 is in college and is gone 2 nights a week.

[Laura Corin]

So none of the mamas here eat something different if they don't feel like what dh cooks ? :)

 

Idk, it all sounds very stressful.

 

I eat what Husband cooks even though it might not be my favourite.  He enjoys eating meat more than I do; I take a smaller portion of that and more veg.  It would be insulting (in our family) if I said that I didn't fancy it and ate something else, because he had made the effort to cook.

 

L

[Jaybee]

I don't feel bad about it at all. I am not keeping a 10 year old up till 10pm to eat five days a week. A rested child is more important to dh and to me than eating together, which, although the holy grail of some families, is not that of all.

 

I'm sorry the OP is hurt and I truly hope she and her dh find common ground.

Chasing the side trail for a little--my father was a doctor, and his hours were very irregular. My mom kept our routine very predictable. I think it helped us not to resent how his work could have affected the rest of us. She kept things smooth and steady. When he was there, he was there; when he was not, our life went on. We knew that if we needed 'dad' time, then we just stayed up a little later and talked to him after everybody went to bed and he was sitting in his recliner. However, we *did* always have breakfast together. :)

 

ETA: I can't help but feeling that the diabetes thing has a lot more to do with this than anything else. Kind of like it changed my whole perspective on it. I'd still be irritated, but . . .

[SeaConquest]

I've had gestational diabetes twice and found the diet to be very difficult. I've also found that there are two types of people: eat to live or live to eat. I'm the latter. Perhaps your husband is too. I suspect, as others have mentioned, that following the diabetic diet consistently is the issue, and that he wants to eat unhealthy food in private, without the risk of commentary/judgment of his food choices.

[zoobie]

So none of the mamas here eat something different if they don't feel like what dh cooks ? :)

 

Idk, it all sounds very stressful.

Outside of pregnancy nausea crazy food town? No. If DH cooks me dinner, I eat it and say thank you. There will be other meals to eat what I want.

[Night Elf]

I wonder whether families with the opposite opinion (the getting your own meal is no big deal camp) put the same value on everyone eating together.  Anyone care to satisfy my curiosity?

 

DH and I sit together. The kids will sometimes eat at the table, but other times in their rooms. It's just no big deal to me. Maybe I should say I didn't grow up with a family table. For most of my childhood, it was just me and my mom, so we ate in front of the tv on the coffee table. Sometimes I would eat in my room if I wasn't in the mood to watch tv and wanted to listen to music or talk to my friends on the phone.

 

Also, we may not all eat at the same time. Either DH or I cook 5 nights per week, and we get take-out 2 nights. We sit down to dinner at 5:30pm. Some of us may not feel like eating what is cooked, or we may not be hungry at 5:30. I have never made food an issue. I honestly don't see forcing someone to eat at a certain meal time if they are not hungry. That's just obesity waiting to happen in my opinion. Also, we have meals that not everyone likes. That includes me. i cook pork chops once a week and they are so-so. Sometimes I'll eat them, but other times I eat something else. And take-out is really no big deal. If someone in the house wants take-out, I go get it even if I'm cooking that night. Food is just not a big deal. And I guess I should also say we're lucky financially for our lifestyle to not be a financial burden.

[Melinda in VT]

So none of the mamas here eat something different if they don't feel like what dh cooks ? :)

 

Idk, it all sounds very stressful.

Never. There have been years when DH did all the cooking and years when I did almost all of it. Right now we each cook 3-4 nights a week. We each choose our own meals. We eat what is cooked and we say thank you.

 

Now, I did go through times when I was pregnant and WOTH when I would go out instead of eating my packed lunch because I just didn't feel like what I packed. I think the diabetes is probably a key factor in the OPs situation.

[marbel]

Well, there is that :)

 

I'm contrary. If someone puts emotional pressure to eat what's on my plate, I won't eat what's on my plate. I be a grown up now. No-one gets to be the boss of me!

 

If dh doesn't make dinner all about his emotions, I will gratefully eat 80% of the time. Luckily for me, he doesn't make dinner all about his emotions. He just makes it about yummy ingredients.

 

I'm gonna go serve my kids leftovers now. In front of the TV. Dh is going to have a dalliance with the Other Woman, aka leftover Indian takeaway.

 

 

Huh?  

 

Obviously I don't know how it work at anyone else's house, but for me and mine, it is not a matter of anyone being boss over anyone else.  For my family it makes sense that one person - that would be me - does most of the cooking.   It has been this way since I stopped working 17 years ago.  Before that, husband and wife both worked, we both cooked - and we ate out a lot. 

 

So as part of our family division of labor - which we worked out together - I cook probably 90% of the dinners.  For the most part I don't cook anything anyone hates unless I can offer an alternative.  If there is something my kids love that my husband hates, we make that for lunch while he is at work, or have it on the occasional night he isn't home for dinner.   But pretty much, we eat what I cook.  If someone gets a hankering for a particular item, they are more than welcome to suggest it.  When I make something new, I ask everyone to critique it.  That's fun because more often than not we'll talk about ways it could be better (more spice, more cheese, fewer tomatoes...).  Rarely does anything get rejected outright but I know my family's tastes - after all these years, I ought to, right?

 

No one ever gets to say "I'm not in the mood for this; I'm going out."   (The kids would have a tough time with that as there's no place they can walk or bike to and they never have any money anyway. :lol: )

 

I would find it very chaotic in my small kitchen to have everyone making their own desired dinner on a frequent basis.  I can't even imagine the dishes!  (I don't have a dishwasher right now.)

 

But that is just me and I am not placing a value judgement over anyone else's ways.  I was just a little stunned by the "boss of me" comment.

 

OP:  :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

[Murphy101]

So none of the mamas here eat something different if they don't feel like what dh cooks ? :)

 

Idk, it all sounds very stressful.

 

My dh is an excellent cook, so it's never been an issue. If he makes something for the family he knows I don't like or shouldn't have dietary wise, he will make something separate for me. Unless I've told him I just don't want anything. But I wouldn't eat something different, especially right in front of the kids. And I will still come to the table if able bc the meal is about more than the food. There is conversation and such and as a member of this household, we are all expected to make an effort to connect in such manners when possible. Which becomes even more important as more and more often it is less possible for all 12 of us to manage it.  

 

I wouldn't be bothered just by her dh eating something else, but going out if his way to NOT eat with the family. My dh thinks that's unhealthy too. We tend to half-joke that there's some things that are healthy when social and a possible sign of a problem when hidden done alone or in private: food, Internet, and drinking.

 

I can't fathom the lack of flexibility. I might eat something different if dh has decided to roast meat, and I don't feel that I need meat. Or I might not be very hungry, so I'll toast myself a sandwich later.

 

I can't see why I would make myself eat something my body doesn't want or need just to be polite.

 

The lack of flexibility is what seems stressful to me. Sometimes I do just eat what I'm served...but I would resent having to eat it if I didn't want it. If dh cooks and I eat something else, or just have a cup of tea, it isn't a problem. He doesn't feel offended. The fridge is there to store leftovers.

Life and finance doesn't always give everyone choices to be as flexible as they'd like.

Many can't afford to just eat out when they don't like dinner. For one person to do that regularly would cause resentment that they are the only one getting treats and be a bigger financial stress than eating what's at home.

[Word Nerd]

I'd be much more upset if my DH expected that none of us would eat anything until he got home (which is sometimes not until 10 or 11) than I would with him choosing a different food to eat than what I'd prepared. I do hold meals to wait for him if he'll be home a little later than a normal supper hour but don't think it would be good for anyone to push a meal off until late at night. I'd be happy to sit down with him while he ate if that were his preference, but he wouldn't want to wait that long to eat supper any more than the rest of us would. I do think eating together as a family is important, but it's not so critical that I see a need to go to great lengths to make sure it happens. Our meal schedule during the day isn't flexible, so we can't adjust lunch times or bed times to accommodate a late supper time.

[Murphy101]

My dh is type 1 diabetic. (Translation: All our "spare" money buys insulin, so eating out is rare and not an impulse option. :) )

 

There is nothing special about eating a "diabetic diet". A diabetic diet is actually the way everyone should eat. It's just normal healthy eating.

 

It is hard to eat that way when someone is very used to not eating healthy in general. If they are addicted to sweets and fast food and quick sources of simple carbs.

 

My dh has often said type 2 is worse than type 1, especially the last 15 years or so. My dh was dx in kindergarten and back then there were not any faux sugar things. He remembers coming home from school and his mom had bought him the first diet Pepsi to come on the market. (He has been a diet Pepsi addict ever since and says she should never have bought it.)

 

So when he was dx there weren't options to eat things he shouldn't and excuse it bc it was "sugar free". He just couldn't have any of it. So he didn't.

 

Now he says many are addicts to foods they shouldn't have and no one wants to tell them they are just going to have to live with feeling deprived of those things, so they tell them to have it "in moderation". But addicts have a really hard time with moderation, so that's really not a fair expectation to have for them all of the sudden when they get a dx.

 

His dad is a prime example of this. His a1c is way high and part of it is that he eats lots of foods that are "sugar free", but they are still food he shouldn't be eating and he can't seem to grasp that. Sugar free pie is still PIE and he shouldn't eat it. But he does. Because he is addicted to eating out and eating junk. He doesn't want normal food anymore. He wants what he is addicted to. Because that's what addicts do.

 

My dh loves food. He is a real foodie and thinks healthy food is awesome unless you don't know how to cook it. Me? I have coffee. I'm a fairly good cook, but as long as my coffee cup is hot and fresh, I don't really think about food until I'm famished. Thankfully I have minions that either remind me to eat or demand I feed them regularly to keep me from my bad meal habits. :)

 

And dh admits, he has to be constantly vigilant to avoid addiction. Sugar/simple carbs are very addictive in a very short period of time. And yes, blood sugar levels do affect cravings and moods. If your sugars are low, your body is going to scream for a quick fix with one heck of a craving for something you shouldn't have. So dh's first response to a bad craving is to check his blood sugar and eat something healthy to bring it up. Otherwise he would be riding a sugar roller coaster, which brings more cravings and moodiness. It's a vicious cycle once that ride starts.

[LisaKinVA]

I'd be unhappy.  Mainly because I usually try to prepare food my family likes -- despite how *I* feel about it.  I would feel like I was failing somehow.  Then there is the issue of money which would get me a bit irked (because I'm told we need to really work at staying under budget), and then there is the part that I'd feel a bit cheated, because if he's going to pick something up from one of the restaurants here, it's going to be really, really good.  Now, if he's just grabbing something because he's going to be late, or he was out at dinner time -- or a once in a while thing, I'd shrug it off.

 

Thankfully, I do a pretty good job of making food he really likes (and he makes food I really like), so we rarely feel a need to go out to eat, and when we do we get things we don't usually make for ourselves at home (lack of experience, mostly...but I'm learning more all the time)

 

 

[MyThreeSons]

Spouse calls home and asks what you're making for dinner. You answer. Spouse says, "I don't feel like that. I'll get something on the way home."

 

This is not an isolated incident.

 

My FIRST reaction: It was a wrong number call. Dh will eat anything, anytime. 

 

If this happened occasionally, and dh stopped on his way home and ate something, it wouldn't be a big deal to me. Then he could honestly tell the kids he had already eaten. I really would have a tough time if he brought something home to eat while the rest of us were eating what I had cooked. 

[QueenCat]

Unless someone will be gone overnight we hold dinner until everyone is home so that we can eat together as a family every night.

 

That's not always possible for everyone. When mine were little, dh went to school in the mornings/early afternoon and then straight to work. He didn't get home until around 11:30pm. There was no way we could've held dinner until then.

[BarbecueMom]

My first reaction would be, "So you'd rather go eat alone than spend time with your family, unless I'm cooking something that makes it worth your while to come home?"

 

I'd be pissed because it's not just about the meal. By dinner time, I've planned, shopped, prepped, prepared, cleaned up the first couple meals, cleaned again, loaded and unloaded the dishwasher, given out snacks, picked up dinner table messes, wiped up floor messes, had kids standing on my feet literally, and stopped cooking to deal with fighting kids and a baby who found a marker. There's still more to do, and he's saying, "Unless there's a lasagna involved, I'd rather hang out at a bar and grill until all that's taken care of."

 

I could be wrong, but that would be my first thought.

[texasmama]

So none of the mamas here eat something different if they don't feel like what dh cooks ? :)

 

Idk, it all sounds very stressful.

My husband doesn't cook.  Ever.  So it has not ever come up once in the fifteen years we've been married.  Sometimes he grills out, and I might not want a hamburger so I will just eat sides.  But he grills the hamburgers I asked him to grill.  Most of the time I grill, though. 

 

I am a one stop shop with the meal preparation, baby!  I do it all!  It does wear on me, and two of my kids will cook simple meals if I ask so I get that help.  But dh - nope, not at all.  Not once.  It's a weird, unwritten rule of our marriage, apparently, and I am mostly used to it.  It is tiring, though.  I used to enjoy cooking, but now I need about a year off of it to get back to that place.  :D

[Amy in NH]

That's not always possible for everyone. When mine were little, dh went to school in the mornings/early afternoon and then straight to work. He didn't get home until around 11:30pm. There was no way we could've held dinner until then.

 

As someone else pointed out, you could make the family meal one that is not dinner, in which case it would be disrespectful if the dh chose to skip that meal.  It would certainly be possible to have the family meal be a breakfast in the situation you have described.  

 

I was only answering the person who had wondered if there is a different dynamic around the family meal for people who had posted previously about the meal-skipping behavior being bothersome/hurtful to them with my own personal experience/family values.  All I'm saying is that, in our family culture, having a family meal to reconnect every day is important to us.

 

 

 

I have an ex who decided to lead a separate life by getting up/leaving after I had left the house for the day with the children (we left ~10am), and coming home after they were in bed (he didn't get home until midnight/1am).  This was his choice - he could have very easily arranged his hours to spend time with his family if he had wanted to.  Needless to say, the selfishness that went along with this behavior is a main reason he is now an ex.  IMO, shared experience is necessary for the cohesion of the family unit.

[Haiku]

So none of the mamas here eat something different if they don't feel like what dh cooks ? :)

 

I certainly do. My dh likes to make big breakfasts on the weekends. I don't particularly care for most breakfast foods, and I'm usually not at all into pancakes in the morning (I will happily eat them for dinner). The rest of the family likes vegan sausage, which I hate.

 

I usually open a can of beans and make a burrito. If dh guilted me with, "I made this, now YOU EAT IT," I would be angry. If he wants a big breakfast, awesome. If the kids want one, awesome. That doesn't mean I want one or should have to want one. If dh makes a big breakfast just to get appreciation, well, that's his problem.

 

I have found that I have relaxed about meals as my kids have gotten older and more self-sufficient. It was harder to deal with food preferences when everything the kids ate depended on me fixing it. Now that they can get their own meals, I don't really care what they eat as long as it's not junk food.

[Miss Peregrine]

I've had gestational diabetes twice and found the diet to be very difficult. I've also found that there are two types of people: eat to live or live to eat. I'm the latter. Perhaps your husband is too. I suspect, as others have mentioned, that following the diabetic diet consistently is the issue, and that he wants to eat unhealthy food in private, without the risk of commentary/judgment of his food choices.

Maybe sometimes? I don't know. I ask him what he ate and its usually not "bad."

[Haiku]

I have also been known to drive the children to a restaurant so that they can spend their own money on the food of their choosing if they don't want what's for dinner. They don't ask to do this frequently (maybe they would if they had more money?). Just the other day I drove dd to the grocery because she had a craving for an Amy's burrito and fresh berries. That's what she had for dinner. The rest of us ate soup. I wasn't offended.

[mom2samlibby]

So none of the mamas here eat something different if they don't feel like what dh cooks ? :)

 

Idk, it all sounds very stressful.

I don't. We all eat the same meal. I'd be grateful he cooked! I'd be extremely irritated if my husband stopped by to grab himself supper, if I had spent time cooking supper.

[BooksandBoys]

I don't understand this. We eat *very* cheaply and *very* healthfully. I still don't cook when I don't feel like it. Obviously yur family is larger than mine, so maybe you're cutting budget corners in some arduous way I don't have to deal with? Of my own volition I budget and make plans (because I'd rather buy books).

 

Too, though, if I *were* offended by something DH did repeatedly I'd be like YO THATS OFFENSIVE KNOCK IT OFF PLEASE THANKS. And, history has shown, he would knock it off.

 

My experience has been that the less I do stuff I do not want to do, the happier everyone is.

(I can't figure out how to multi-quote.)

 

My family is riddled with food sensitivities and allergies. As a result, I cook whether I want to or not. I used to like cooking, but I don't enjoy it now that I have little people.

 

I would be upset if my husband chose to eat out without us.

 

Edited because grammar.

[MysteryJen]

I have been reading with interest, mostly because in the last four years dh has taken on nearly all the cooking responsibility. Why? Because he didn't like what I made. Or rather, he liked it, but he didn't want to eat soup that night, or stew, or a casserole. I was dealing with 5 kids and lots of athletics and the only way dinner was going to be available was if it was frozen or in the crockpot.  I spent hours doing once-a-month cooking only to have very lukewarm reactions to my food. When he came home and said he would rather not have such and such for dinner. I believe I said, well, you should do the cooking then.  And I stopped.

 

But I like sandwiches and frankly don't care that much what I eat. He does. He loves to cook and makes wonderful meals. I eat whatever he makes and am grateful. He gets to make what he likes and is hungry for. Win/win here. Yes, sometimes dinner is late. We have pizza if we know he is going to be very late. 

 

The OP's dh was rude and whoever is the cook would be upset. But you can do something different. Don't tell him what is for dinner. Make more of his favorites. Or ask him to make the food he loves.

[brehon]

So none of the mamas here eat something different if they don't feel like what dh cooks ? :)

 

Idk, it all sounds very stressful.

Yes, I do. My dh cooks 99.9% of the time. I happily eat whatever he makes because (1) I appreciate the effort he's put into planning, shopping, and cooking the meal and (2) it means that I don't have to do the aforementioned. DH stays home with the kids and I work; I'm usually too tired to give much thought to prepping meals.

[Janie Grace]

First reaction? I'd be angry. Cooking is one of the ways I serve our family; it's my "domain" and gratitude looks like eating it like a big boy. I try to make things everyone likes or if there is an offending ingredient, that person can "go around" said ingredient. I think picking up an alternative is a bad example to the kids and kind of spoiled.

 

Granted, I wouldn't make something dh loathes. But there are very few things in that category.  

[Little Nyssa]

I just want to affirm the OP in her choice of Karamel Sutra for dinner. :)

[Miss Peregrine]

I just want to affirm the OP in her choice of Karamel Sutra for dinner. :)

For the first time ever I have used all my likes.

Thank you, it was a most enjoyable choice.

[Happygrl]

DH doesn't cook often (military, so late & odd hours are typical), so eating what he makes isn't really an issue.  On the weekends he will make pancakes or waffles for the kids.  I rarely eat breakfast, especially not something sweet, so I don't eat that most days.  Sometimes I'll reheat it later.  He knows I'm not a morning sweets person and is really making it because the kids beg him to each week. :)  So he's not offended if I don't eat.  

 

Sometimes on the weekends he'll grill out or get an itch to do dinner.  He'll ask what we have & what sounds good.  If I have an opinion, I offer it and he usually goes with some variation of my suggestion.  If I don't want much of what he cooks, I don't eat much of it and will eat more of the other side dishes.  Ditto with him on the nights I cook.  Or the kids.  

Not eating much of what the cook cooks and eating only enough to tide over until the next meal or snack isn't a problem or a lack of respect or whatever for us.  We don't do multiple meals, though, because that adds to my workload and/or I don't want ingredients used up that are needed later in the week.  
 

[Wheres Toto]

Dh does all the cooking in our house.   The kids almost always eat something different, and since my last pregnancy I can't handle spicy food he'll often season his differently than mine.  But, part of the deal we made with him cooking dinner is that whatever he wants to cook, I'll eat it.  That way, if he feels like picking up fresh fish on the way home, he does.  If he has a rough day and wants something simple, he can just go with that.  

 

He never makes anything I hate, and the few times the seasoning was too much for me he wrapped it up to have for lunch the next day.  In general, if someone else is willing to cook for me, I'm not going to be picky.  I hate cooking.

 

For the OP - I wouldn't have that much of a problem with the decision to get take-out but I think it's rude for him to get it only for himself.  Is he picking up something the kids and OP don't like so there's no issue with them wanting to share (and hold whatever was planned for the next night)?

[hornblower]

Dh is going to have a dalliance with the Other Woman, aka leftover Indian takeaway.

 

 

 

In our case, Indian takeaway is a man. I keep trying to figure out if we could get Jasminder to just move in with us ....

 

Say.... would it be TOTALLY wrong to kidnap someone's little Indian grandma & keep her in our kitchen? (asking for a friend)

 

 

I keep saying I don't have aspirations for my kids to be doctors or lawyers. I don't need those.

I want a massage therapist & an Indian chef. Or if one of the kids is feeling particularly ambitious, I figure they could do both at the same time.

Is that so much to ask? (and also to live within walking distance & dote on me?)

[Jenny in Florida]

It would be extremely out of character for my husband to do this kind of thing. If he did it once, I would assume he had a crappy day and was looking for a way to give himself a treat by indulging in a selfish moment. And I would totally understand, because we all have those moments.

 

If it happened frequently, I would have a conversation with him about what was going on and adjusting expectations. 

 

In general, by the time my husband would be on his way home, I would already be elbow deep in meal preparation. I would absolutely be hurt and displeased at the idea that someone valued my time and effort so little as to dismiss them because he "didn't feel like eating that tonight." So, more than a couple of instances of this kind of thing in a short period of time would say to me that we needed to talk about:

 

1. Having that person more involved in the planning/shopping/cooking process so that he could be more certain that meals would be more to his liking.

 

or

 

2. Me resigning from planning and preparing his meals at all. (I don't mean this in a huffy way, by the way, just that if one family member cannot be counted on to be around for meals, my default plan would be to switch to assuming I was not cooking for that person.)

 

I think either one of these options would be fine, depending on how the results affected the family as a whole. I would not be happy if an adult family member routinely brought home junk food to eat in front of the kids I was trying to teach to eat in a different way, for example. And I would be very sad if a routine of family meals was sabotaged by one person's desire to hit the drive through. Assuming neither of those is an issue for a given family, I see nothing wrong with either of the above adjustments.

 

What I absolutely do not think would be acceptable would be for the person who just doesn't feel like eating that tonight to take for granted that the other person will be planning and cooking meals every night just in case he decides to come home and eat them. 

 

Edited to add: I have no problem with one family member simply not eating or not eating much because that person is not hungry. That's totally understandable and doesn't bother me a bit. When the kids were little, though, and we were more focused on having a routine of family meals, we did still ask that person to come sit at the table and be social with the others. As a few other people have said, in our home, meals are about more than the food.