Merry Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 I am curious about how much roughhousing is going on in youth groups in your churches. I am wondering about that because there is a lot of it in our youth group. My son, age 13, gets hurt almost every week with rug burns from being dragged across the carpet, elbow or ankle pain from rough housing, and headaches and so on. Last Wednesday, they played a game where they were holding hands and pulling each other and breaking into circles. I'm not sure of the rules. The girl that my son was partner with suddenly let go her hold on his hands and so he fell backwards and hit his head so hard that he blacked out for a little bit. I took him to the hospital the next day as he was still having a bad headache and was still feeling woozy and disoriented. The doctor said that he had a mild concussion. I am pretty upset about it but I wonder if I am blowing it out of proportion. I have four older boys after all they didn't get hurt as often or as bad when they were in the youth group. Also, when I picked him up, he was holding an ice pack on his head but he downplayed it. I saw the youth pastor but he said nothing about what happened. I didn't realize that he had blacked out until we were in the car and that the nurse who happened to be there had given him a few tests to check for brain damage and told him to see the doctor the next day. She didn't say anything to me either. It seems odd to me that they didn't talk to the mother of the boy who was knocked out briefly or is it not odd? I am getting fed up with the level of roughhousing and am tempted to pull him out of the youth group. And I'll begin looking for a new one for him but if this kind of activity is normal for a youth group, then I wouldn't bother looking for a new one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 Um. That is so not ok that I'm angry on your behalf! Blacked out? You'd better call me or at least tell me when I arrive. Is there a purpose to all of this roughhousing? I'm all for fun but I prefer them to actually have Biblical content in there somewhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 This is not normal for our youth group. Not in the sense that these kinds of physical games and what not are a regular occurrence. Middle ds recently got a concussion at church during a soccer game the youth were playing (happened about a month ago). They do not normally play soccer, it was kind of a spur of the moment thing since the weather was nice, and it wasn't dark out after the youth service let out. I would not be pleased with a church program that had a lot of rough housing type activity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 You are not blowing it out of proportion. This is unacceptable! No, it is not a normal part of youth group. I would be very upset if this happened to one of my kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 No, that's not normal for a youth group. Our group actually has a policy of not allowing contact games - it's just not appropriate for that age group. It also isn't normal for a parent not to be notified when a child is hurt. With a blackout, they should have called you right away. Talk to the youth minister and then to the higher ups if you aren't satisfied with his response. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarinesWife Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 None. At all. There is no reason for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunnyDays Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 Not at all normal... I would expect some active play (games, shooting some hoops waiting for the group to start, etc.) but not rugburns and concussions!! I'd be furious that it was allowed to get that rough, and that no one informed me of the incident. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethel Mertz Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 Definitely not normal and definitely not acceptable. There is no excuse for not notifying the parent of a kid who got hurt. If he were my kid, I would pull him out of the group and tell the leadership why. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 I'm actually a pretty strong proponent of trying to let kids have a little bit of roughhousing time in their lives. I think we've lost something in the never touch, never play hard rules that permeate these days. But what you describe is so not okay on so many levels. A concussion and you weren't even told? A formal game with rules that led to this, implying that it was possibly par for the course for the game? A game with dragging across carpets? While being supervised by adults in a position of authority? No way. That's not boys playing a little hard during touch football or kids briefly getting into friendly wrestling match. That's just inappropriate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 Not normal at all. The youth groups from my childhood church would never have even allowed the hand holding for games. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 When my kids were in youth group they all loved wacky crazy games. The teens though were overly competitive, people got hurt and the games were stopped. Instead of picking better games or addressing competitive vs fun they stopped all games and youth group got boring. There should be active fun with wise supervision...not a free for all. I'm so sorry your son got hurt and that it was handled poorly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 No not normal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 It is absolutely wrong that your son hit his head and blacked out and adults were aware of this and you weren't informed. IMO it is also inappropriate for a nurse to simply tell him to see a doctor the next day. If he hadn't told you and he passed out later that night, you couldn't even have explained to the doctors what happened IF you even realized he was passing out, not just falling asleep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 There is certainly some roughhousing at our youth group, and we've played some pretty wacky games. However, what you're describing sounds over the top! The concussion handling was inexcusable. I would absolutely complain about that, all the way to the highest levels if necessary. That could have been - fatal. Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 Holy cow. My kids did youth groups for years and it was never like that. I'd be livid! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SproutMamaK Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 Not normal AT ALL. Physical play, yes, normally as a sport or some other organized activity. ANYTHING that leads to injury, ANYTHING at all, is inappropriate, let alone if it's done consistently. But to not tell you when your son blacks out?! I'm aghast. Is this a new group (or a group with new leaders) where the leaders really don't have any idea yet how far out of line this all is? I can't imagine a group carrying on like this in the long run. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 Um. That is so not ok that I'm angry on your behalf! Blacked out? You'd better call me or at least tell me when I arrive. Is there a purpose to all of this roughhousing? I'm all for fun but I prefer them to actually have Biblical content in there somewhere.You absolutely better call me immediately or meet me at the door when I come pick up my child and tell me what happened. One of my children had a similar experience at youth group. I heard about it from her, hours after returning home. Next day I called the new young youth pastor and let him know he had a responsibility to protect not only the youth in his care, but also the church and himself from liability. It was like something new was dawning on him. He honestly didn't understand the problem until it was specifically pointed out. Parents should always feel free to make such calls. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 Call the church and discuss the situation with authorities. This is NOT normal or acceptable, as everyone else has also posted. You have every single right in the world to be concerned. Truly, they need to be aware that roughhousing every meeting where your child sustains even minor injuries is questionable. I would definitely ask why all the roughhousing is necessary. But for goodness sake if a child blacks out THE PARENT NEEDS TO BE NOTIFIED. IMMEDIATELY. How can they not get that? As a PP stated, what if your child passed out later? You would not know what had happened. You would not know to look for signs of concussion. The nurse absolutely had no right to just tell the child see a doctor tomorrow and not discuss anything with you. Wow. Just Wow. Hugs, OP. So sorry you are dealing with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoot Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 DS15 has gone to youth group for a few years now and the very first year something similar happened to him. It was an isolated incident, so no excessive roughhousing every week, but it was bad. Kids were playing a game and one of them picked him up and dropped him head-first on the gym floor. He blacked out for a second, was disoriented, and had a headache. When DH picked him up, no one told him that anything had happened and we found out later that no one even KNEW that it had happened because they were unsupervised. DS took 2 steps outside the door and threw up. When we figured out what had happened DH went inside and ripped apart the people that were in charge. We took him straight to the medical center who then said that it was so serious that if we couldn't physically drive DS to the children's hospital 45 min. away immediately that she would have an ambulance transport him. All turned out well, but it just as easily may not have. Once DS opted to return to youth group, we haven't experienced any issues. The kids play lots of great stuff - basketball, organized games, laser tag etc. - but they are now much better supervised and anything that starts getting over the top is handled right away. Such roughhousing every single week that you're talking about is not acceptable. I would have a frank discussion with those in charge, including the church leadership. I would not allow my kid to attend something like that and the church would know exactly why I had pulled him out. They need to know that this is a MAJOR liability issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hikin' Mama Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 Blackout? Mild concussion? Not normal! My sons roughhoused quite a bit and I encouraged it, but it never got to that level. And I don't really think it's appropriate in that setting anyway. jmo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in FL. Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 I have 5 boys, so rough housing has always been a part of life, but what you are describing is not acceptable. I'd definitely talk to someone before something even worse happens! I hope your Ds recovers without incident! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 Gaaaa! What in the world? Is the youth pastor very young, or something? Talk to him first and see if it changes immediately. If not, go to his boss. Let him know you'll be going to his boss if something isn't changed Right Now. An injured teen could cost the church untold thousands in liability. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobbeym Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 That is completely inappropriate behavior and I agree that you need to call the church office and speak to someone high up in leadership. IMO it sounds like they don't have enough adult leaders to keep track of all the kids, or have leaders that aren't bothering to keep track of them. We have an active youth group - about 100 kids that attend every week. Our games consist of basketball, football, volleyball outside before/after service and more appropriate indoor friendly games during services. All adults are assigned a specific area to monitor and any issues have to be reported to the group leader and the student's pastor or his wife. Even when we play dodgeball though we ask for extra adult volunteers to help monitor the kids and have a first aid station set up with at least 1 nurse on site. I can't imagine her checking out a kid for even the most minor of injuries and not notifying the parents afterward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nemom Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 My son came home Sunday night from Youth Group and told me that they played a new game. Him and two other kids ended up with bloody noses. I think it is pretty rough and unsupervised every week. It seems the attitude is that the kids will come every week if they are allowed to do whatever they want. I have really mixed feelings about this but my kids love youth group and look forward to it every week. I also have a problem with the very inappropriate secular music that is blaring over the speakers. Secular music is okay in my book if it is appropriate and not sexual in nature. It is church for goodness sakes. In your situation, I think you need to have a talk with someone higher up regarding the lack of notification regarding the incident. Blacking out is not something to take lightly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 I am curious about how much roughhousing is going on in youth groups in your churches. I am wondering about that because there is a lot of it in our youth group. My son, age 13, gets hurt almost every week with rug burns from being dragged across the carpet, elbow or ankle pain from rough housing, and headaches and so on. Last Wednesday, they played a game where they were holding hands and pulling each other and breaking into circles. I'm not sure of the rules. The girl that my son was partner with suddenly let go her hold on his hands and so he fell backwards and hit his head so hard that he blacked out for a little bit. I took him to the hospital the next day as he was still having a bad headache and was still feeling woozy and disoriented. The doctor said that he had a mild concussion. I am pretty upset about it but I wonder if I am blowing it out of proportion. I have four older boys after all they didn't get hurt as often or as bad when they were in the youth group. Also, when I picked him up, he was holding an ice pack on his head but he downplayed it. I saw the youth pastor but he said nothing about what happened. I didn't realize that he had blacked out until we were in the car and that the nurse who happened to be there had given him a few tests to check for brain damage and told him to see the doctor the next day. She didn't say anything to me either. It seems odd to me that they didn't talk to the mother of the boy who was knocked out briefly or is it not odd? I am getting fed up with the level of roughhousing and am tempted to pull him out of the youth group. And I'll begin looking for a new one for him but if this kind of activity is normal for a youth group, then I wouldn't bother looking for a new one. Oh, HECK no. I'd be showing up to speak to the youth pastor, hospital bill in hand, and tell him to straighten that mess out. That is NOT ok and NO, it is NOT NORMAL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 My teens are in 2 youth groups in 2 different churches and while ds16 has gotten hurt before there is not roughhousing like that going on. The one time he hit his head pretty hard (they were playing some sort of game where they had to find each other in the dark to go along with a lesson they were learning about being blind and he bent down to crawl under the pulpit and hit his head on it really hard) his leader filled me in fully. Now that may be because of her background in childcare and being used to reporting incidents etc(she had done up an accident report for me to sign), she was my boss at the OSC until this year. Next week they are headed out to a farm to play mission impossible in the dark so injuries may occur but we are informed ahead of time etc so we can make an informed decision if we want our kids to play it. The other youth group has not had any such roughhousing or games at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merry Posted October 4, 2014 Author Share Posted October 4, 2014 Well, wow. I thought that I was maybe overreacting but I guess not. I think that the youth group does need more adult supervision but at the same time, the youth pastor does let things go too far. I was not sure if I was overreacting or not because he has been a soccer coach for many years and even works at the public high school so I assumed that he knew the rules for proper behavior among the team players and that he would have good judgement where injuries were concerned. I don't know. Maybe he puts the two groups in different categories. I plan on talking to him tomorrow after church and see what he says. I want to give him a chance to explain himself. I also want to get his assurance that things will change to make the youth group a safe place for kids. If he can't or won't assure me of that, then I will go to the church leadership. I will keep my son out of the youth group until this is resolved and if it can't be resolved, I'll look for another one. Thanks so much! Now I feel more confident that I can handle this. ETA: My son is doing a lot better today after having headaches and grogginess for the past two days. But that's two days of schoolwork missed. Grrrr. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brehon Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 Well, wow. I thought that I was maybe overreacting but I guess not. I think that the youth group does need more adult supervision but at the same time, the youth pastor does let things go too far. I was not sure if I was overreacting or not because he has been a soccer coach for many years and even works at the public high school so I assumed that he knew the rules for proper behavior among the team players and that he would have good judgement where injuries were concerned. I don't know. Maybe he puts the two groups in different categories. I plan on talking to him tomorrow after church and see what he says. I want to give him a chance to explain himself. I also want to get his assurance that things will change to make the youth group a safe place for kids. If he can't or won't assure me of that, then I will go to the church leadership. I will keep my son out of the youth group until this is resolved and if it can't be resolved, I'll look for another one. Thanks so much! Now I feel more confident that I can handle this. ETA: My son is doing a lot better today after having headaches and grogginess for the past two days. But that's two days of schoolwork missed. Grrrr. Hon, if this guy is a high school teacher and has coached soccer, then he absolutely should have known about the danger of injuries like that! There has been a *huge* nationwide push for concussion education of youth & school coaches and not just football coaches. This youth paster really needs to understand that what he allowed to happen and how he reacted to it is completely unacceptable. Your church leadership should know about this now, not later. This is a huge liability for them. HUGE. Everyone at your church needs to be on the same page regarding appropriate behavior; they should establish a written injury protocol; and have a written policy regarding parental notification in the event of an injury. This isn't just a little slip up! A high school football player died this past week from helmet to helmet contact during a game. This is A. Big. Deal!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 I am shocked that this guy who is a coach and works at a public school did not follow any sort of decent protocol when a teen in his care blacked out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted October 4, 2014 Share Posted October 4, 2014 :svengo: If my kids blacks out and I don't get an IMMEDIATE call I will lose my mind on them so horrifically it will probably make national news. :cursing: Asking the kid to tell you to see the Dr in the morning? COME ON! Most kids forget to tell you about the money due for the event they're desperate to go to, do they really think the kid will remember to tell their parents to take them to the doctor, especially after they've sufffered a BRAIN INJURY??? :huh: And no- not normal at all. True accidents in physical games happen. I've tripped over lint on the carpet. :glare: But regular weekly bruising and scrapes? uh-uh. Nope. NO NO NO. It didn't make national news :001_rolleyes: but I did lose my mind on our former youth group. (I was a volunteer leader/chaperone) They were playing "Underground Church"- a "game" where the kids prentend they are in a place where being Christian/gathering for church is illegal- long story, but it's dark and they get chased by "guards." Diamond was running, slipped when the flooring changed, and hurt her leg and tore some skin off her elbow. She is a dancer, and has a bone issue in her elbow joints. Two ptentially devastating injuries for her. I do believe steam was coming out of my ears I was so angry. :angry: She hated the game anyway- but playing along was mandatory and no, we did not know they would be doing this ahead of time or she would never have even gone to the event. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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