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invitation WWYD


Eagle

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She missed the point, obviously. Reading between the lines shows she is trying to do something differently than a societal norm and simply didn't know how to word it properly.  I'd probably roll my eyes and show up with the gift I already picked. 

 

Agree. I get her intent, but the wording--which she probably thought was funny when she wrote it--is definitely worthy of an eye roll.

 

ETA: I'd still bring the gift.

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For those who have requested charitable donations instead of presents, how has that worked?  Has that met guests' needs to bring something?  Or have they brought presents anyway?

 

It has worked very well for us.  Dd has had two charity-based birthday parties and a few others that were simply "no gift."  In all cases, no one showed up with a traditional gift.  However, it is not uncommon where I live and we live far from family.  It would be family that I suspect would ignore the request.  But it is unlikely that we would ever have a friends/family mixed party anyway so it probably still would not be a problem.

 

Despite knowing it was likely not going to be a problem, we did have a plan in place in the event that someone(s) did show with a traditional gift so as not to make everyone else feel awkward.  They would not be opened as part of the party and the gift would be acknowledged privately then moved out of the party area.  A VERY prompt thank you note would be issued in addition to a phone call or text acknowledging that the gift was opened and appreciated once the party was over.  We felt having a plan in place was important since we are technically the ones "breaking the rules."  We know there was a potential of someone not knowing if they should follow our request or not.  It never happened but we were prepared.

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I never knew some people considered 'no gifts' rude. :confused1:

I think the invitation is fine & just possibly awkwardly worded. It's quite common here to say "no gifts (unless you want to contribute to the RESP)" (registered education savings plan)

Many of us live in very small condo's, many parents prefer to have few toys, &/or have rules about toys (like no barbies, no plastic, no tv tie in toys etc etc).

I think the second part was trying to be inclusive - to make those people who really don't like giving $ or who have already bought something or who really wanted to give a gift of whatever toy/book because they just love it so much.... to make them feel also welcomed. 


I really don't see anything terribly wrong with it though I think I would have worded it differently.

 

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I never have run across a "first birthday party" to which were invited anyone other than close family and perhaps also the godparents. 

 

 

In Hawaii, first birthdays are usually a Big Deal where the family hosts a luau or other party for friends and family.

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I never knew some people considered 'no gifts' rude. :confused1:

 

Oh, yes. The idea is that by saying "Please, no gifts" you are constraining your guests who might want to give you something out of the goodness of their hearts, and also saying that you EXPECT them to bring gifts. And even when you evidently do, you're supposed to be pleasantly surprised, because a birthday is a celebration and not a gift grab.

 

You're free to think this is a bit silly. It *is* a bit silly! But many people still hold that it's the only correct way to behave. I suspect that this rule, like the one about it being rude if you don't send thank you notes even if you already gave a sincere thank you in person, will fade very soon.

 

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 I suspect that this rule, like the one about it being rude if you don't send thank you notes even if you already gave a sincere thank you in person, will fade very soon.

 

Wait!  What?!?!  I thought you did not have to send a thank you if a person was thanked in person!  

 

Oh boy....I am going to have a pretty long list of notes to write......

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I'd bring the gift.  I'd be very tempted to tuck a copy of an etiquette guide in my purse and leave it there somewhere anonymously with the part about gifts underlined and bookmarked. But I can be passive-aggressive when I'm annoyed about bad manners.

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Without reading a single response, I think the invitation "translation" is:

 

-we know some people will wish to bring a gift.

-since the guest of honor is only a 1 yo baby, please feel free to keep the gifts very small (coins)

-unless you'd like to bring a more traditional gift.

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I have had an invitation similar to that one for a friend's dd 6 party, but without the tacky 'fabulous present only' part. It came across as fair enough. Something on the lines that her dd requested gold coins ($1 or $2) as she was saving money for something special etc...

I gave her a present plus stuck some coins on a card. I think why it wasn't offensive is that it genuinely sounded like a child's request.

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I have had an invitation similar to that one for a friend's dd 6 party, but without the tacky 'fabulous present only' part. It came across as fair enough. Something on the lines that her dd requested gold coins ($1 or $2) as she was saving money for something special etc...

I gave her a present plus stuck some coins on a card. I think why it wasn't offensive is that it genuinely sounded like a child's request.

 

"Gold coins" as in those Sacagawea dollar coins?  

 

I would have had additional fun by giving the child a few of those gold-paper-wrapped chocolate coins. 

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Wow, I am definitely in the minority here, as I found it to be a funny way to say "no need to get anything big" and took the comment about the fabulous gift to be more of a tongue-in-cheek comment.  My interpretation must explain why I get myself in trouble with the things I say.  

I would bring the gift you have picked out.  

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Wow, I am definitely in the minority here, as I found it to be a funny way to say "no need to get anything big" and took the comment about the fabulous gift to be more of a tongue-in-cheek comment.  My interpretation must explain why I get myself in trouble with the things I say.  

I would bring the gift you have picked out.  

 

That is why I am perplexed. The wording is ambiguous and difficult to intuit. Is she being literal? If so, does that mean COINS? Is she being gracious with a "no gifts" suggestion? Is she being cute and playful but missed the mark? Does she really expect her friends and family to create a starter college fund?

 

It's awkward. And I'd be likely to anonymously let her know with a letter. Something kind, but sincere:

 

Dear Weird Friend,

 

I just wanted to let you know that I wasn't able to understand the intent of your invite. As such, I felt awkward trying to honor the spirit of your request. I'm not sure it communicated what you wanted it to or featured a tone that was able to be discerned.

 

I hope you've enjoyed your baby's first year!

 

 

 

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Wow, I am definitely in the minority here, as I found it to be a funny way to say "no need to get anything big" and took the comment about the fabulous gift to be more of a tongue-in-cheek comment.  My interpretation must explain why I get myself in trouble with the things I say.  

I would bring the gift you have picked out.  

It is one of those written comments, that the tone of the person reading it, completely changes the meaning.  You can read it playfully, rudely, directly or with utter confusion.  LoL

 

 

It is 100% in the eye of the beholder.

 

I think the words, as written come across rudely, but can easily adjust my attitude to think she was just saying....if you have something that you really want to give the child to honor the birthday, then that is completely fine. If you are just going to go spend $20 to buy just anything that catches your eye, then she is saying she would rather have the cash for his education.  As in, if you give me cash, I'm not going to buy myself Starbucks with it, but actually do somethng positive in the future.

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"Gold coins" as in those Sacagawea dollar coins?

 

I would have had additional fun by giving the child a few of those gold-paper-wrapped chocolate coins.

 

Whoops, I should have explained myself better. Here in Australia our one and two dollar coins are a gold colour.

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Wait!  What?!?!  I thought you did not have to send a thank you if a person was thanked in person!  

 

Oh boy....I am going to have a pretty long list of notes to write......

 

No, you don't have to send a note to someone you thanked in person. It's nice, but not necessary. :-)

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And I went to a wedding once that had a no present, but cash only.... but I bought a present that I got on sale that originally was expensive. I found that awkward as money for a wedding would need to be a quite a bit.

 

What?? :svengo:

 

Good for you to bring a present anyway.

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Well I, for one, happen to think that books qualify as " a fabulous gift that every one year old needs" :). So I would maybe return the toy...bring the books and give the kid $5 in coins for his piggy bank.

 

I do think the invitation is lame but at least she's asking for coins and not notes I guess.

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Without reading a single response, I think the invitation "translation" is:

 

-we know some people will wish to bring a gift.

-since the guest of honor is only a 1 yo baby, please feel free to keep the gifts very small (coins)

-unless you'd like to bring a more traditional gift.

You know , it would have been nice if she said exactly that...takes the guess work out of it and doesn't sound as tacky. I would not be offended to receive an invitation with those words written on it at all.

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Wait!  What?!?!  I thought you did not have to send a thank you if a person was thanked in person!

 

LOL, my grandmother gave me that one when I was a kid. Which was already ridiculous then. It was always a little ridiculous, except for seriously big ticket presents. If somebody gives you a house, you darn well better send a note, no matter how much you thanked them in person. If, like my grandmother, they only sent you a puzzle missing five pieces, a thank you over the phone is sufficient. Really.

 

It's awkward. And I'd be likely to anonymously let her know with a letter. Something kind, but sincere:

 

 

If you're going to break the rule about "no correcting other people's behavior" (and sometimes you have to break that rule, sure), don't do it anonymously. Have the courage to do it to whoever-it-is's face. Seriously, that's, like, three times as rude as almost any offense.

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I seriously wonder how many people have the ability to not spend money collected at this age well before the child is college bound. We can't even keep money in our Disney World fund long before we need it for bills or something. Yeah, I don't know when we'll ever make it to Disney World. :p  This is not to say it can't be done or that the money wouldn't go toward the child in some other form.

 

 

Well I, for one, happen to think that books qualify as " a fabulous gift that every one year old needs" :). So I would maybe return the toy...bring the books and give the kid $5 in coins for his piggy bank.

I do think the invitation is lame but at least she's asking for coins and not notes I guess.

 

:iagree:

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