"Because I told you so..."

[Guest2]

My son was in a bible study, and the instructor/ facilitator asked how many college kids grew up hearing the title phrase, "Because I told you so.." All the kids except my son laughed and agreed that this was pretty common. Son's experience was a little different. He just called to thank us for explaining the "why's" to him and not just giving the standard line. I think that lots WTM parents on here explained the "why's" too, so if you didn't get a phone call,I'm sure it will be coming soon.

[creekland]

Yeah, I don't think I ever used that phrase with my kids growing up and I certainly don't use it at school when kids ask questions (even off topic questions).  It may have been used a couple of times when I was growing up, but if so, they weren't memorable.

 

I know "I" don't respond well to it at all (more likely to tune it out and do/believe the opposite), so I certainly wouldn't expect differently from others.

 

Explanations are the guiding lines to living life.  It's the difference between learning math and memorizing math.  With the first, you know how to handle new things you come across.  With the latter you sit there bewildered if something new comes up.

[Guest2]

^. Love that! I was hoping you'd chime in and be your eloquent self:). I actually heard this all of the time growing up and the extended family used to be quite belittling of my husband and I giving children explanations . Sigh .

 

I was the poster child for your math example:) My husband teaches our kiddos the high school math classes!

[wendyroo]

I say that to Peter (my literal-minded, inflexible, non-neurotypical 5.5 year old) when it is truly the best answer; when any other answer would not allow both of us to get through a conversation with our sanity intact.   :willy_nilly:

 

A conversation from a couple weeks ago...

 

Peter: "Mom, can we go it Russia?"

Me: "Maybe someday."

Peter: "Why?"

Me: "Why what?"

Peter: "Why?"

Me: "Sweetie, Russia is a long way away and I don't know if we will be able to go there.  I hope we can though.  Someday."

Peter: "Will it be snowing there?"

Me: "Maybe, but I think that depends on where in Russia we go and when we go there."

Peter: "Where in Russia will we go?"

Me: "Someplace interesting.  Do you want to go where it is snowing?"

Peter: "No!!  I want to go to the rain forest."

Me:  "I don't think there is rain forest in Russia.  Russia is way up here." [pointing to map]

Peter: "Maybe there is rain forest here at the bottom of Russia near the equator."

Me: "Maybe..."

Peter: "What day can we go and look for the rain forest at the bottom of Russia?  Will it be an S day?  Will we eat breakfast before we go?"

Me: "I can't know exactly what day we will go somewhere if we are only maybe going to go."

Peter: "Why?"

Me: "Because I said so."

 

Wendy

[Guest2]

Oh Wendy , that brings me back. I remember conversations that lasted all day in which I had to set timers so that his younger sibs could get a word in or some playtime and then back to the original conversation as if we had never left it.We had an old set of encyclopedias for conversations like this before the Internet. Believe me, I understand.

[Harriet Vane]

I *hated* it when my parents refused to explain or tell me why. I *hated* the phrase, "Because I said so." with every fiber of my being. I determined never, ever to do that to my kids. I explain and I give the why as often as I possibly can. On those rare occasions that I cannot do so, I will say something like, "I'm sorry. I cannot explain, for private reasons." Since I do explain most of the time, my children can accept those times that I cannot.

[swellmomma]

I use the phrase after I have answered their why's and they have decided to keep arguing(as in "why do I have to be the one to empty the dryer" Because we all pitch in together to keep the house running smoothly. "But WHHHHHHHHYYYYYYY is it always me, why do I have to do EVERYTHING all by myself all the time and no one else does anything......" Yeah then I pull out the because I said so

[Mom22ns]

We used the phrase mostly as a joke in our house. When the kids asked something that they already knew the answer to, when the answer was completely obvious, then when we answered, they'd say "but why?" and we'd say "because I said so."

 

When the question was real, we tried to give a real explanation. I never minded being asked why. My parents were big on "because I said so." which made me big on answering why. 

 

That said, Wendy gave a great example of the fact there are limits to how many why's a mom will answer even when they are genuine.