Does it raise red flags in your mind...

[texasmama]

One had a really terrible home life.  That attempt probably saved her life in that she got professional help out of it.  Sad either way.  I think we all have bias about issues.  I don't see kids who look sad as actually being depressed most of the time (outside of other factors), because I have one kid on the selective mutism border and two shy introverts.  I am also extremely shy and introverted with RBF.  :lol: 99% of the time I'm not sad, just uncomfortable in groups.  From one exposure to children I don't think I would presume abuse or anything pathological, though. If they were very sad appearing without other factors I could see, I would assume there was a death or large life change in the family and it was temporary. 

I liked your post, not because I like that your friend had a terrible home life but the RBF and all the rest.

 

My resting face is not the most pleasant, but I'm an animated extrovert so people figure out I'm probably okay.  ;)

[Joker]

But these are adults, right? We are speaking of children.

 

(And yes, adults can hide depression. )

 

My 14 year dd is suffering right now with depression. It's pretty bad and we didn't realize how bad because she acts happy and confident. Everyone loves her.I noticed some things at home, though. I'm not going to go into detail on this public board about what's going on with her, but it is bad and she now has not one, but two professionals helping her. So, kids can appear quite happy and healthy and be suffering horribly.

[MistyMountain]

No especially by one interaction in a public place. My kids are very introverted and they have SPD and get overwhelmed by noise. They take a while to warm up in public. They have off days and they tend to feed off each others energies. There are days where they are not given time to warm up especially where and I am sure they look very unhappy because they are very uncomfortable. They are not unhappy kids. I was the same way. The apples didn't fall far from the tree.

[Orthodox6]

When I was in high school, I once looked into my personal file in the counselors' office. (I have no idea why I did or how I managed to do so undetected. ) I read that there was serious concern that I had depression. (I am surprised that school staff would have good insights in this area in the early 1970s.) Not until my mid-forties was I diagnosed with major depression (plus more) that the doctor and I could back-track to my pre-school years.

 

Sometimes gut instincts can be trusted.

[texasmama]

My 14 year dd is suffering right now with depression. It's pretty bad and we didn't realize how bad because she acts happy and confident. Everyone loves her.I noticed some things at home, though. I'm not going to go into detail on this public board about what's going on with her, but it is bad and she now has not one, but two professionals helping her. So, kids can appear quite happy and healthy and be suffering horribly.

I'm sorry to hear this and am so glad that she is receiving help.  (((hugs)))

[Unicorn.]

I would find it curious if they were also not interacting with each other. We have family friends that are not comfortable in large groups they don't know but you will see them chatting with each other.

Just quiet, no.  One child, or two, no.  A whole family of kids, maybe a little bit.  

 

Not interacting w/ each other, listless, or looking toward parent for permission to speak, even if you or another adult spoke to them, would have me being very observant for other red flags.  I also want to say, you should probably listen to your gut.  

 

Quill, from what you describe, I would probably be watchful.  

[bzymom]

Red flags, no.

 

But I am a strong believer in instinct. If the feeling you took from them was sadness, that can be a palpable emotion, particularly in children.

 

Hopefully, further interaction will provide insight into whether there is any cause for concern, or if, perhaps, there was simply some family matter that permeated their behavior that day.

 

P.S. Why did anyone give this thread two stars?? I gave it 5, just because that boggles my mind. Sorry for the digression.

[Guest]

My use of "red flag" is in the sense that I will be observing them more in the future. I have no plans to interrogate anyone. I am not an "intervenor" type of person, but if I noticed the same behaviors repeatedly, I may discuss it with others in a position to have observed them, too, especially any who have some authority as to human behavior.

 

I've seen a lot of kids in this same setting. Gregarious kids, quiet kids, exuberant kids, terrified kids, kids with SPDs, nice kids and bratty kids. These kids stand out in a way that gives me a "none of the above" vibe. Honestly, it is less concerning when I encounter a kid who cries and kicks because they want Mama. That is normal distressed preschooler behavior and it generally blows over. This was not like that. I don't want to say too much, but these kids were different in a noticeable way. Sad is the best adjective that comes to mind. Listless, even. When I see something like that, I feel it warrants more observation, perhaps down the road, seeing if others feel something is amiss there.

 

 

This is a tough one.  I have a shy ds, and a bunch of strangers (who know nothing about him or what it's like to be shy) might mistake it as sad.  His dad is the exact same way (and actually has social anxiety).  Very, very shy.  At home, though, they are both extremely talkative, playful, love to laugh, etc.  It's like a light switch when they leave the house, though.  We have three other children... one is shy, but not quite as shy as his brother.  DD and youngest ds have life-of-the party personalities.  So if you looked at our family, you would see extremely shy dad and son (dad with social anxiety), another ds that isn't quite as shy, and a very talkative and excitable mom, dd, and toddler.  At home, the shyness isn't there (and around others who know us well).  

 

My point is that shy people are completely different in situations where they are comfortable vs uncomfortable.  What you see probably isn't how they are around people they really know, or at home.  Shyness can also be hereditary.  The whole family really could be shy!  OR, it could be that something sad just happened, like others suggested.  OR, there could be something wrong.  So, I guess just keep an eye out, but be careful you aren't just looking for something that isn't there (not saying you would do this, but with so many people out there that call CPS over nothing, it might be worth saying).  The family could realize you are looking for signs of abuse and be horrified and offended if they really are just shy children.  

[SJ.]

This is a tough one.  I have a shy ds, and a bunch of strangers (who know nothing about him or what it's like to be shy) might mistake it as sad.  His dad is the exact same way (and actually has social anxiety).  Very, very shy.  At home, though, they are both extremely talkative, playful, love to laugh, etc.  It's like a light switch when they leave the house, though.  We have three other children... one is shy, but not quite as shy as his brother.  DD and youngest ds have life-of-the party personalities.  So if you looked at our family, you would see extremely shy dad and son (dad with social anxiety), another ds that isn't quite as shy, and a very talkative and excitable mom, dd, and toddler.  At home, the shyness isn't there (and around others who know us well).  

 

My point is that shy people are completely different in situations where they are comfortable vs uncomfortable.  What you see probably isn't how they are around people they really know, or at home.  Shyness can also be hereditary.  The whole family really could be shy!  OR, it could be that something sad just happened, like others suggested.  OR, there could be something wrong.  So, I guess just keep an eye out, but be careful you aren't just looking for something that isn't there (not saying you would do this, but with so many people out there that call CPS over nothing, it might be worth saying).  The family could realize you are looking for signs of abuse and be horrified and offended if they really are just shy children.  

 

This. Exactly.

 

I have shy boys, especially my oldest.  I could easily see someone feeling the way you do, Quill, if you met my family somewhere my boys did not want to be and somewhere they felt uncomfortable.  I would honestly be horrified if someone felt they needed to keep an eye on my family and felt they needed to check up on my family with others to make sure everything was ok.