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So, all you moms of many...


blondeviolin
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Have you ever been hesitant to announce a new pregnancy? And not even for the negative comments, but for the know-it-all comments like, "I knew it was coming." And, "well, the baby is _______ old now... So I guess that's about right." Or how about, "That's no surprise."

 

Well, yeah it's no surprise, but it IS cause to celebrate! I don't think a new baby should ever be a mundane thing. It's a HUGE change to your family, whether it's the first baby or the twelfth.

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I know someone who is dealing with a surprise pregnancy right after she just had a baby earlier this year. Their financial situation is shaky and she mentioned that she was not looking forward to telling people. My mother had eight kids and she never liked telling her father after about the third. He always lectured and never said anything very nice. :( This really is a situation where if you can't say "Congratulations" you need to shut up.

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It hurts the most when you're pregnant but people are still rude even when you're finished having babies.

My big one: I really dislike when people say, "so are you finished now?" No, I plan to have three more to frustrate your plan of how big you think my family should be.

It is another pass the bean dip moment.

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I don't even have many, just 3 and pregnant with my 4th.  When my 3rd was born dh's extended family didn't even acknowledge his presence the first time they saw him.  We were in a crammed house filled with family and he was about a month or 2 old and no one on my fil's side of the family said a word about him.  So this time around I didn't even go out of my way to tell any of them I was pregnant.  I really don't care if they know or not but I'm not going to be the one to tell them unless I'm physically next to them.  On my birthday I called my dh's grandmother to thank her for a card she sent me in the mail.  She accepted the thanks and then chewed me out for not telling her I was pregnant.  Ha!  I stored "don't call grandma to thank her again unless I want to have my day ruined" in the back of my mind.

 

With my family, friends, and mil's side of the family I happily announce and know that even silly comments like that are meant with love not judgement.

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It hurts the most when you're pregnant but people are still rude even when you're finished having babies.

My big one: I really dislike when people say, "so are you finished now?" No, I plan to have three more to frustrate your plan of how big you think my family should be.

It is another pass the bean dip moment.

 

See that one comment has never really bothered me. Its programmed in so many people's minds that 2 or 3 is the number to have and that knowing how many you want is important that I just try to view it like that. I simply respond, "we have no set number in mind for our family and will not officially be done having kids until I can no longer. Of course we won't always be trying but the option will be their until my body is done. So ask me again when I'm nearing menopause."

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Does this mean a congratulations is in order? ;)

:lol: I could probably trust The Hive with my secret. ;)

 

I'm always ready for the comments that come when people just don't filter. I'm just done with the comments that seem good intentioned or as if a new baby happens everyday.

 

It probably doesn't help that this is the first time I'VE been caught off guard by a pregnancy. We were actively preventing...

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:lol: I could probably trust The Hive with my secret. ;)

 

I'm always ready for the comments that come when people just don't filter. I'm just done with the comments that seem good intentioned or as if a new baby happens everyday.

 

It probably doesn't help that this is the first time I'VE been caught off guard by a pregnancy. We were actively preventing...

Awwww! Congrats! You are so blessed!!

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Well, yes, I've been there. I guess by the time #5 came along, everyone already thought we were nuts, so it didn't really matter. I think I did wait until about 16 weeks with the last two though. People would say to me all the time "you're crazy" and my response always was "I don't think this baby will think so"! That usually made them smile.

 

Congrats to you! It's weird for me not to be pregnant now, but for medical reasons we have to be done. :-(

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Thanks everyone! I've known for a few weeks but had to process my shock as with all of our precautions, this baby should not have been possible. This might be part of my hesitancy to say anything. Add in my history of early losses and I'm really not in any rush.

 

BUT, I do have to tell my mom (who will be overjoyed) soon because I know she wants to come up and a new grandbaby is a wonderful reason to do that.

 

Congrats! I just found out this morning that we are expecting number 5 after a condom broke 2 weeks ago. I am so not looking forward to telling the inlaws. They are going to be really pissed and I'm sure FIL will be a jerk about it.

I'm so sorry. This is way worse than lukewarm comments by well-intentioned friends. :grouphug:

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Congrats! I just found out this morning that we are expecting number 5 after a condom broke 2 weeks ago. I am so not looking forward to telling the inlaws. They are going to be really pissed and I'm sure FIL will be a jerk about it.

 

congratulations - and I hope your dh is happy.

 

as for the ils . . . (practice in a mirror) . . .start off by saying how you know they will be happy to be having another grandchild.  and say it in a very cheerful and happy voice.  (if/when your fil does say something inappropriate.  this is where practice comes in) use a hard and firm stare straight in the eyes.  then say in a 'take no prisoners voice'.  "your congratulations means so much to us".  (do NOT look away.  stare hard, as if daring him to disagree.  if he has any humanity, he should be ashamed of himself.  if he's still a snot, you have my deepest sympathy to have such inlaws.  but you could also do what one woman I know did - she waited until her mil asked if she was pg.)

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Many people were told via text this time around, due to their craptastic responses in the past.  I let DH tell his family at some point toward the middle of the 2nd trimester and I wasn't on the phone, so that way I didn't lose my temper.  Some people found out the last few times when it became obvious in pictures on FB.

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Yay! Congratulations Blondeviolin, that's wonderful!!!

 

 

I keep meeting people who comment on my having the "perfect family" now because we have two girls and two boys, then ask with big grins, "So you're done now, right?" And I have to pick between giving the impression that I wouldn't welcome any more kids or over sharing, and it feels like a sock in the gut. Because every time I am getting everyone into the car or scanning the playground at the park to check on my kids or calling them to dinner, I find myself wondering where is. . . then realize once again that no, they're all here. I can't shake the feeling that someone is missing. But my loving, protective husband (who was on board with my plan to have around nine before) was terrified when they told him I could have a stroke from my complications, and doesn't want me to have any more pregnancies. Maybe there's a child who's meant to come to our family through adoption.

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With number 5 we just let the other kids tell.  My mother didn't believe it for a few days- when I was laying on her couch trying not to throw up she realized I was serious.  They were always supportive, but 5 puts you firmly in the 'crazy' zone.  DH's family was shocked at #3- neither of them could really speak about it for a while.  With #5 we avoided telling FIL for days after MIL knew- no one wanted to hear what he had to say about it, including MIL!  We finally told her to tell him b/c we weren't going to.  They *all* love those babies once they arrive, though :) 

 

 

Congratulations!  I love big families!  I am sure this little one will bring lots of joy to your family ;)

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Congratulations!

 

I feel pretty lucky that I rarely have had anyone say anything to me. Most of the people I'm close to (family and church members) also have large families so no one thinks anything of it. I think it's funny when I'm out with my youngest 3 kids-- 2 boys and a girl. People will tell me "Oh, you finally got a girl!" When I tell them I have another daughter at home they quickly become unimpressed.

 

When I was pregnant with #5 I had a woman ask me how many kids I had and then she proceeded to lecture me about how I was going to have to pay to get them through college and how irresponsible it was. I was too dumbfounded to say anything at all. Oh, the things I wish  I had said!!!

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I only have 4, but was very hesitant to announce the 4th. Aside from immediate family we just let people figure it our for themselves. I don't recall any truly negative comments, but I did get a lot of sideways glances and "you'll have your hands full" remarks.

 

The same people who weren't the most supportive kept asking if we plan to try for a boy after learning that we were expecting our 4th girl.

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I had my blood drawn today to prove pregnancy. The phlebotomist confirmed we were doing a pregnancy test. He sized me up and then said, "So is this your first?" He fumbled a bit when I cheerfully replied I have five kids at home. :D

 

I really don't mind comments from strangers. (Though, the counting bugs me too. No need to exaggerate.)

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I know I don't have a big family based on Hive standards, but no one in either my or my husband's family have as many kids as we do. 

 

I know a couple of generations ago 5 or more kids wasn't a big deal.  So far, I've only met two families with 4 kids and I've never met any families with more than 4.  My siblings just have one kid each and none of my cousins have kids.  *shrug*  My kids are also biracial, so I constantly hear strange comments like, "Are they yours?"  "Did you adopt?"  "I didn't know you were their mom!!"   :sad:   Oh, well.  I guess we are a circus.  

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I posted this question months ago when I found out we were expecting #4. I waited until 14 weeks, which is the longest I've ever waited, to attempt to avoid those types of comments! I received good feedback from everyone thankfully, though some family asked about our plans for sterilization, go figure!

 

Congrats on your pregnancy! All babies are a blessing!!

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Numbers 3 and 5 got the stupidest and/or rudest comments for me.  The third b/c 2 and 3 are barely more than a year apart.  The fifth b/c, OMG FIVE!

 

4 really wasn't an issue, comparatively speaking.  I guess the almost 4 year gap made it "acceptable".  That and the fact that it's "understandable" that dh would want to try for a biological son after two daughters. @@

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I stated that there would be a fourth when we announced the third to family that were negative. I like having my kids in pairs. For some reason everyone thought that four was a magical number of kids. When we announced a fifth pg, the reaction was pure shock! My MIL screamed through the phone in excitement, I think. My DH didn't want to tell her that I thought it was twins until it was confirmed by ultrasound. When I told people that I was right and we were having twins (no one believed me before), the common reaction was to laugh hysterically. The oddest thing I found was once we passed the socially accepted number of children, I get asked constantly when I'm having more! It's like its not acceptable to have" only" 6. If I'm this crazy, I'm to go for a dozen. It's been an interesting view point that I didn't expect. Even my dad who flipped out very negatively with #3 thought that I'd be riding the baby making train into double digits. Six is now not enough for some reason. I've gotten into near arguments by saying this is it. I've gotten way more negative reactions over twins then them being #5 and #6. I think people have given up trying to talk sense into "crazy".

Congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope its wonderful! I hated the negativity when announcing some of my babies. The laughing in my face was slightly better. My twins are 10 months now and I'm still trying to convince people we are done! I thought having twins was the universal sign of a complete family!

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We hesitated to announce #5. With us, some of the comments were not just about how many kids we had, but how old we are going to be when #5 graduates (54 and 60). It's not that we started having babies that late (I was 22--that's not old!), but they were spread out a bit: 2 1/2 to 5 years between each one.

 

Oh, and Congratulations!

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Because you're a circus show? Now when I see people counting I save them time and say "9, soon to be 10". If the kids don't say it before me ;) The kids also like to point out that we have 6 boys and 3 girls...

LOL, are we the same person?  I do this too, and we also have 6 boys and 3 girls, and are expecting #10 soon!  :)

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