Coed bathrooms in the coed dorms?

[Lynn in Caribbean]

Our college list just got shorter, since a couple of the ones we were considering have coed bathrooms.  I suppose that makes us very old-fashioned, that we want our daughter to have a women's bathroom, and not be taking a shower in the stall next to a guy taking a shower.  It never even occurred to me till today that this was something we needed to research.  I knew that girls dorms were rare (most seem to be co-ed) but I had assumed that the girls and guys did each have their own bathroom on that floor....I am really behind the times apparently.

 

For those of you with college students, what is the dorm/bathroom situation?  

[Jenny in Florida]

For those of you with college students, what is the dorm/bathroom situation?  

 

My daughter went to a women's college, meaning it wasn't an issue.

 

In my son's dorm, the floors are co-ed, but individual rooms/suites are same gender. Each suite is composed of two rooms that share a bathroom. So, although the dorm is co-ed, he shares his bathroom with four other guys. 

[SKL]

Long time ago, but when I lived in a co-ed dorm, I found men in the ladies' bathroom in the middle of the night (sometimes in their underwear).  The reason was that they were sleeping with their girlfriends, who neglected to tell them to use the men's bathroom.  So either way, it wasn't like we women could count on a female-only bathroom.

If there were co-ed bathrooms, maybe they would design them with more privacy for each user.  For example, lockable doors from ceiling to floor, and room to change right there in the private shower stall?  Maybe it is worth asking exactly what a "co-ed bathroom" situation looks like.

 

Traveling in Europe, we encountered some restrooms that were unisex.  They were private enough once you got into the stall.

[3XBlessed]

My daughter is at a conservative Catholic college with separate dorm buildings for males and females. Opposite gender is not allowed to visit in the dorms. My daughter likes this because she and all the other girls can feel comfortable walking back and forth to the bathrooms and each other's rooms while changing and getting dressed.

[Laura in CA]

For my freshman son, who is also old-fashioned, this issue partially dictated his choice of dorm. He chose the suites over traditional dorms, because in the suites the bathrooms are single-sex, whereas when the bathrooms are down the hall, they are generally coed ("gender neutral").

 

But I think SKL is right -- it seems that when the bathrooms *are* coed, the shower stalls are very secure -- i.e., with a latching/locking door, not just a flimsy curtain. At least, that's the way it was at UC Santa Cruz -- I was curious, so I peeked in to see.

[creekland]

Mine have had co-ed dorms, but bathrooms are single sex.  Neither oldest nor middle have had issues with females being in their male bathrooms. Youngest just started and hasn't had a chance to experience much yet, but I don't really expect problems to be honest.  I will ask him about it to see - just to be sure (for his limited experience).  He hasn't mentioned anything. I went to college living in a co-ed dorm and never saw any issues in our female bathroom either.

 

None of my guys wanted to share "in the hallway" bathrooms with the opposite gender, so it was part of our search as well - at least for the older two - and we asked students who were already there rather than looking just at posted info.  Most of the students were aghast at thinking there could be such a thing as co-ed "group shared" bathrooms.  They thought we were crazy for asking... so I don't think that type of thing is super common except, perhaps, at very liberal colleges.

 

I don't recall if we actually checked with youngest as he was certain about where he wanted to go. 

 

My guys wouldn't mind if it were a suite situation with a bathroom just in a suite (similar to in a hotel or house) with that type of privacy. 

[Gwen in VA]

Way back in the day I lived in a dorm that was completely coed (though rooms were same-sex) and had coed bathrooms.

 

Bfore you think, "But that was the '80's. I had no idea things were that wild then.....", I have to say that IT WORKED. The bathrooms had two sinks that were part of the same counter, but there were two toilet / shower areas per bathroom, and each area had a SOLID totally lockable door -- the same kind found on the dorm room doors. Students had 100% privacy in the shower/toilet area and could dress with no fear of anyone pulling back a curtain or playing peek-a-boo.

 

I put in contacts and washed my face and brushed my teeth with guys in the same room, but everything of a more private nature took place behind a locked solid door.

 

I have issues with coed bathrooms that are the standard curtain type, but a well-built coed bathroom works. I was part of a language house (24 people who agreed to speak French in all of the public areas 100% of the time), and such a cool living group cannot work as a single-sex dorm.

 

Coed bathrooms CAN work. I would investigate that bathroom situation carefully before I totally wrote the dorm or college off due to coed bathrooms.

[bettyandbob]

The colleges we've seen have all had designated male and female bathrooms when they have hall bathrooms. Moth dorms seem to be suite type, which I avoided in college. Honestly, I'd rather worry a little about my privacy than deal with constant bickering about cleaning. My dd might be more worried about privacy so that will be her decision.

[8filltheheart]

My ds is in a suite with 3 other guys. There are 4 bedrooms, a living area, and 2 bathrooms, so he shares his bathroom with exactly 1 other person. It is easier than life at home.

 

You definitely need to know your child. My 10th grader is an incredibly private person. It would not even be open for discussion with her.

[Matryoshka]

Way back in the day I lived in a dorm that was completely coed (though rooms were same-sex) and had coed bathrooms.

 

Bfore you think, "But that was the '80's. I had no idea things were that wild then.....", I have to say that IT WORKED. The bathrooms had two sinks that were part of the same counter, but there were two toilet / shower areas per bathroom, and each area had a SOLID totally lockable door -- the same kind found on the dorm room doors. Students had 100% privacy in the shower/toilet area and could dress with no fear of anyone pulling back a curtain or playing peek-a-boo.

 

I put in contacts and washed my face and brushed my teeth with guys in the same room, but everything of a more private nature took place behind a locked solid door.

 

I have issues with coed bathrooms that are the standard curtain type, but a well-built coed bathroom works. I was part of a language house (24 people who agreed to speak French in all of the public areas 100% of the time), and such a cool living group cannot work as a single-sex dorm.

 

Coed bathrooms CAN work. I would investigate that bathroom situation carefully before I totally wrote the dorm or college off due to coed bathrooms.

 

We also had coed bathrooms that worked just fine, and we didn't even have a locked solid door.  There were two banks of shower stalls, each had a curtain in front of the area in front of the two showers (which also each had their own curtain).  We had a sign that we could turn over saying which sex was using that side - if there was a woman in one shower, only another woman could use the second shower, and vice versa.  Even with only a curtain, this was never a problem (I don't think I'd like it if there hadn't been a curtained off area in front of the showers).  With the bathroom stalls, no one cared if they were peeing next to someone of the other sex, and I can't ever remember there ever being an issue with that, either. Sinks were just shared along the wall. No one looks their best in the bathroom in the morning - people just wanted to get in, do what needs to be done, and get out.

 

We voted at the beginning of each year whether to have the bathrooms single-sex or coed.  What usually swayed even the hesitant freshman to go coed was the fact that the other bathroom was in another wing, and you had to walk through the elevator bank to get there.  No one wanted to make that trek...

 

[stripe]

But I think SKL is right -- it seems that when the bathrooms *are* coed, the shower stalls are very secure -- i.e., with a latching/locking door, not just a flimsy curtain. At least, that's the way it was at UC Santa Cruz -- I was curious, so I peeked in to see.

 

 

My daughter went to a women's college, meaning it wasn't an issue.

 

I wouldn't be so sure. I toured two women's colleges when I was a pup, and I remember both were fine about girls in shared rooms having boyfriends stay the night for multiple days (and they incorrectly assumed that I asked because I was planning this for myself; I asked because I didn't want to be stuck with my roommate's boyfriend sleeping in my room) and presumably even boys use a bathroom. All the admissions people were quick to tell me about how men could use the women's bathrooms in a women's dorm at a women's college.

 

I attended a different women's college and one dorm had small bathrooms shared by two adjoining rooms. One of my friend's "suitemate" had her boyfriend over and he showered, but at least it was obvious and the door was locked so she could prevent anyone coming in.

 

Those small stall or shower doors easily allow someone to crawl under (or just peek under).

[Jane in NC]

My son's first year dorm had guys on one floor, girls on the next, etc. The bathrooms were gender specific.

 

The last three years he lived in a co-ed suite in the foreign language themed dorm.  The suite was on two floors, connected by a stairwell.  There was a bath on each floor, bedrooms on both as well.  The twelve students in the suite managed the living arrangements, i.e. one year they determined that the downstairs bathroom was for the girls, the upstairs for the boys.  But you know, even my only child son has spent summers in a "dorm" situation, the sleeping porch of a rambling cottage where everyone shared the bath, respected shower use, and respected the other bunkers' personal space.  My son's suitemates were like his family.  The last year of college, they had eliminated the gender specific bathrooms. 

 

There is a difference between the random roommate assignment and choosing to participate in a living community where the students have bonds. 

[lisabees]

We also had coed bathrooms that worked just fine, and we didn't even have a locked solid door.  There were two banks of shower stalls, each had a curtain in front of the area in front of the two showers (which also each had their own curtain).  We had a sign that we could turn over saying which sex was using that side - if there was a woman in one shower, only another woman could use the second shower, and vice versa.  Even with only a curtain, this was never a problem (I don't think I'd like it if there hadn't been a curtained off area in front of the showers).  With the bathroom stalls, no one cared if they were peeing next to someone of the other sex, and I can't ever remember there ever being an issue with that, either. Sinks were just shared along the wall. No one looks their best in the bathroom in the morning - people just wanted to get in, do what needs to be done, and get out.

 

We voted at the beginning of each year whether to have the bathrooms single-sex or coed.  What usually swayed even the hesitant freshman to go coed was the fact that the other bathroom was in another wing, and you had to walk through the elevator bank to get there.  No one wanted to make that trek...

 

 

Ds attends a college with co-ed bathrooms.  They, too, vote every year, and always vote for co-ed bathrooms.  It is not an issue.  He says there are rarely two people in the bathroom at the same time.  College kids, you know, don't shower too often!

 

For my son's college, in particular, it is definitely part of the culture.  One with which he is not only comfortable, but would have no other way.

[mom31257]

Dd would freak out!! She doesn't even want a co-ed dorm, which we don't either. She only wants to go a Christian college if she is going away to school, and thankfully, her choice school is still conservative enough to actually not have co-ed dorms at all as well as not allowing boys or girls past the lobbies of the opposite sex dorms. She wants to focus on studying, not have to deal with boys in and out of the room, possible 'stuff" going on, etc. 

 

 

[Jane in NC]

Ds attends a college with co-ed bathrooms.  They, too, vote every year, and always vote for co-ed bathrooms.  It is not an issue.  He says there are rarely two people in the bathroom at the same time.  College kids, you know, don't shower too often!

 

For my son's college, in particular, it is definitely part of the culture.  One with which he is not only comfortable, but would have no other way.

 

Most families do not have the luxury of single gender bathrooms. Students often have roommates of the opposite sex in an off campus apartment or rental house.  I don't think it is really that big of a deal.

 

[creekland]

Ds attends a college with co-ed bathrooms.  They, too, vote every year, and always vote for co-ed bathrooms.  It is not an issue.  He says there are rarely two people in the bathroom at the same time.  College kids, you know, don't shower too often!

 

For my son's college, in particular, it is definitely part of the culture.  One with which he is not only comfortable, but would have no other way.

 

This is something my older two were trying to avoid as they do like more known privacy - esp as entering freshmen.  It would be different somewhere where they knew their peers (I think), or, of course, in a suite/hotel type of setting with a separate bathroom itself.

 

Youngest wouldn't care if he were sharing a port o john and section of river...

 

It is definitely important that one know their offspring and check out colleges accordingly IF it's an issue.

 

[maize]

Most families do not have the luxury of single gender bathrooms. Students often have roommates of the opposite sex in an off campus apartment or rental house. I don't think it is really that big of a deal.

 

It really would depend a lot on the set-up. Single gender dorm bathrooms are often designed with just curtains across shower stalls in a public grouping. I would want a little more privacy than that in a co-ed situation. A house normally has a locking bathroom door that goes from floor to ceiling, so unless you are in the habit of showering with the door wide open and people walking in and out (not necessarily even people you know) the circumstances are really not comparable.

[Laura Corin]

As far as I know it is all mixed. I am not worried. What is your concern?

 

L

[Jane in NC]

It really would depend a lot on the set-up. Single gender dorm bathrooms are often designed with just curtains across shower stalls in a public grouping. I would want a little more privacy than that in a co-ed situation. A house normally has a locking bathroom door that goes from floor to ceiling, so unless you are in the habit of showering with the door wide open and people walking in and out (not necessarily even people you know) the circumstances are really not comparable.

 

The old summer cottages in which we stay have outdoor showers with limited privacy.  Essentially one does not go in the backyard when someone is showering.  Overnight sailing trips don't offer much privacy either.  Shrug.  Maybe our lifestyle is just a little weird.

 

Admittedly I have not toured every dormitory bathroom variation.  In my son's suite there was a door in front, a changing area with hooks, then a curtained area near the shower head. Most importantly suitemates have respect for each other.

 

[maize]

As far as I know it is all mixed. I am not worried. What is your concern?

 

L

The concern is simply privacy. My guess is that most co-ed bathrooms are set up with sufficient privacy in mind, but many group bathrooms in US college dorms that were designed for single gender use don't provide much privacy. For example, we had both showers and toilets with nothing more than a curtain across the front and otherwise open to the group bathroom area. No real changing space in the shower stall either.

[maize]

The old summer cottages in which we stay have outdoor showers with limited privacy. Essentially one does not go in the backyard when someone is showering. Overnight sailing trips don't offer much privacy either. Shrug. Maybe our lifestyle is just a little weird.

 

Admittedly I have not toured every dormitory bathroom variation. In my son's suite there was a door in front, a changing area with hooks, then a curtained area near the shower head. Most importantly suitemates have respect for each other.

 

ah, but if there are twenty showers in a row and everyone uses them at the same time, you can't just stay out of the area. I think this is the kind of set-up people are worried about because that was how we remember things being.

 

On a sailing trip, you don't have random people you don't know wandering about.

[Lolly]

Coed dorms but separated by floors or side of dorm. Separate facilities. 

 

Way back when, I was in an all girls' dorm. I also ran into guys in the community bath anyway. They weren't supposed to be there, but... So, having a girl only bath isn't going to really make a difference. They may very well be better off with co-ed where there are actually measures in place to ensure privacy. With the coed dorms, the guys can at least easily have access to a restroom and don't have to use the girl's. 

[Jane in NC]

ah, but if there are twenty showers in a row and everyone uses them at the same time, you can't just stay out of the area. I think this is the kind of set-up people are worried about because that was how we remember things being.

 

On a sailing trip, you don't have random people you don't know wandering about.

 

OK, thanks for clarifying.  My son's single sex first year dorm wing had a bathroom with two showers.  Each of the baths in the suite had a shower.  There were never twenty showers in a row.  And, again, it was rare to have a random person in the bathroom in the suite sitution.  Friends of suitemates would stop by (even crash on the couch) but they were not random.

 

I do remember as a student staying in a European dorm turned summer hostel.  There were two two-person rooms connected to a similar four bed group by a bath with two showers, some stalls and several sinks.  Co-ed but I don't remember random people using our commodes!

[maize]

OK, thanks for clarifying.  My son's single sex first year dorm wing had a bathroom with two showers.  Each of the baths in the suite had a shower.  There were never twenty showers in a row.  And, again, it was rare to have a random person in the bathroom in the suite sitution.  Friends of suitemates would stop by (even crash on the couch) but they were not random.

 

I do remember as a student staying in a European dorm turned summer hostel.  There were two two-person rooms connected to a similar four bed group by a bath with two showers, some stalls and several sinks.  Co-ed but I don't remember random people using our commodes!

 

Yes, I figured we were just visualizing different situations. Every example you shared was of a fairly intimate setting.

 

My guess is that the mass-bathroom-for-a-whole-floor model with very little privacy built in is not what is actually seen in most co-ed dorm bathroom situations. I don't think people need to rule-out co-ed bathrooms without seeing the actual set-up.

[Matryoshka]

Yes, I figured we were just visualizing different situations. Every example you shared was of a fairly intimate setting.

 

My guess is that the mass-bathroom-for-a-whole-floor model with very little privacy built in is not what is actually seen in most co-ed dorm bathroom situations. I don't think people need to rule-out co-ed bathrooms without seeing the actual set-up.

 

:iagree:  I lived in a fairly big dorm at a huge university.  Like I said, our bathroom had four stalls in groups of two.  We knew everyone on the floor.  I honestly can't imagine a need for a bathroom so huge that you need twenty shower stalls and meet complete strangers there... 

 

[wendyroo]

Personally, I would be much more worried about living in a dorm with people who I thought would be prone to violating my bathroom privacy given half a chance no matter the type of bathroom facilities.  

 

I lived in two different dorms, and both were co-ed floors and co-ed bathrooms with normal public bathroom toilet stalls and double curtained shower stalls with a dressing area between the curtains.  There were never any issues because the dorms were populated by adults who had a modicum of courtesy and self control and knew that peeking under shower curtains was both assholeish and against the law.

 

Wendy

[EKS]

I lived in a coed dorm that had coed bathrooms.  I never once saw a man in anything less than a bathrobe in the bathroom.  It was absolutely no big deal.

[maize]

:iagree:  I lived in a fairly big dorm at a huge university.  Like I said, our bathroom had four stalls in groups of two.  We knew everyone on the floor.  I honestly can't imagine a need for a bathroom so huge that you need twenty shower stalls and meet complete strangers there... 

 

I've been in bathrooms with this set-up (sorry that image is huge, don't know how to make it smaller) only with curtains on those rods. Notice no-where to change except in the wet stall or in the public area.

 

But I don't think they are the norm these days, even when I was in college they were only in the older buildings.

 

[SKL]

My dorm was in a high-crime neighborhood and there was a rape in a dorm bathroom when I lived there.  So that might be part of the reason why it was disturbing to find a strange man in your bathroom in the middle of the night.  (Most of the women wore nightclothes to the bathroom at night.)  I was also a prude who did not appreciate students sneaking their sex partners in and then having them act like this was their personal house.  (It was also against the rules, not that anyone cared about rules.)  In short, it wasn't what I signed up for.  Had I signed up for a co-ed bathroom, I would have been more comfortable discovering men in there.

 

That said, nobody ever got hurt or any of that due to the male visitors in my dorm bathroom.  I was actually more annoyed by the women who would leave their underwear soaking in all the sinks all day long.  Hello?

[Kathy in Richmond]

My son lived in the same dorm and living group for four years, mixed ages and gender on the top floor of an old walk-up city apartment building that had been reclaimed for dorm space. These dozen kids shared two small co-ed bathrooms which were single use. Nothing any weirder happens than what happens at home! They were like a big family, hating to see the seniors graduate & welcoming a few new freshmen each year. The most he ever saw was what kind of toothpaste or shampoo the girls might have used and left on the counter.

 

My daughter's dorms always had big hall bathrooms, one for each gender. Floors were co-ed by room. Again, lots of brother-sister kind of bonding.

 

Mine have had co-ed dorms, but bathrooms are single sex.  Neither oldest nor middle have had issues with females being in their male bathrooms. Youngest just started and hasn't had a chance to experience much yet, but I don't really expect problems to be honest.  I will ask him about it to see - just to be sure (for his limited experience).  He hasn't mentioned anything. I went to college living in a co-ed dorm and never saw any issues in our female bathroom either.

 

None of my guys wanted to share "in the hallway" bathrooms with the opposite gender, so it was part of our search as well - at least for the older two - and we asked students who were already there rather than looking just at posted info.  Most of the students were aghast at thinking there could be such a thing as co-ed "group shared" bathrooms.  They thought we were crazy for asking... so I don't think that type of thing is super common except, perhaps, at very liberal colleges.

 

Creekland, U of R actually experimented with co-ed bathrooms back in the late 70s when I was there. I lived in one of those dorms on the quad junior year, on a floor that was separated in half by gender. We had three bathrooms: one for guys & another for girls at either end; the bathroom in the middle was co-ed. I don't think it got much use except as an overflow when the other two were busy and someone was in a hurry to get showered and off to class.

[stripe]

Most families do not have the luxury of single gender bathrooms. Students often have roommates of the opposite sex in an off campus apartment or rental house.  I don't think it is really that big of a deal.

I think it is even more of an issue when there are giant coed bathrooms rather than a single stall or two, or a bathroom with one toilet, sink and tub, such as most homes have. The difference between what you described and the typical dorm set up is, to my mind, at least one of the following is present:

* know all the people with access to the bathroom and have consented to share space with those particular individuals

* ability to lock bathroom so that outsiders cannot easily get in (not speaking of lockpicking here) to control privacy

* expectation that it is okay for only one person to use the bathroom at a time (rather than multiple people at a time being expected due to size and configuration; I mean the entire bathroom, not a particular section like a toilet stall)

 

Given the abysmal record of American colleges with regard to violence against women, I would be concerned about a bathroom in which a woman is undressed and distracted and unable to defend herself against an attack, a la Psycho. (Although of course, in that case, her killer had a peep hole and key!) I personally think colleges have failed to realize there is an imposition on roommates when one party has their intimate encounters in a shared space, including having the other roommate told to sleep somewhere else for the night, and there is little support for having roommates feeling free to express their discomfort about this. This strikes me as a related but separate problem from the bathrooms, but I don't want to hijack the thread. But there's lots of behavior that goes on in dorms that is both "assholeish" and against the law.

[maize]

I remember seeing an article about a woman who was showering in a co-ed college bathroom and saw someone stick their hand under the bottom of the stall and snap a photo. Shouldn't happen anywhere, but group bathrooms really should provide enough privacy that people don't have to be anxious every time they get in the shower.

[creekland]

Creekland, U of R actually experimented with co-ed bathrooms back in the late 70s when I was there. I lived in one of those dorms on the quad junior year, on a floor that was separated in half by gender. We had three bathrooms: one for guys & another for girls at either end; the bathroom in the middle was co-ed. I don't think it got much use except as an overflow when the other two were busy and someone was in a hurry to get showered and off to class.

 

I don't think their experiment worked... ;)  UR is one school where students looked at us as if we were crazy when we asked if the group bathrooms were co-ed.  ;)

 

Personally, it wouldn't bother me in any sort of set up since my college days as we've done a bit of "no amenity" camping and I spent a couple of years in the AF - some of which included co-ed bathrooms during training (my first experience with it - no issues - the guys simply let us few gals go first when showering).

 

I think it's mainly important that the situation fits the student coming in.  Some want more privacy and others don't give a hoot.  There's no particular reason to force co-ed bathrooms on those who aren't comfortable in them IMO.  As an extreme, but similar, some don't mind mixed skinny dipping and others don't care to do it even with family members of the same gender (then there's everyone between those two end groups).

 

Entering college can be stressful enough without having to push the limits on something like that.  There are way too many colleges to choose from to insist that they all be the same - or even that every dorm be the same within the colleges.

[ocelotmom]

When my brother was in a dorm with co-ed bathrooms, they also had male and female bathrooms available, though it might mean going up or down a floor. That seems a reasonable compromise.

[Momling]

We had coed bathrooms when I was in college. It really wasn't a big deal... And certainly not worth turning down a college because of it! It's not like coed bathrooms lead to some depraved bathroom orgy. We just used the toilet, washed hands and left, or took a shower, put on our bathrobes and went back to our rooms. It was very much a non-issue.

[hillfarm]

Rules are all well and good, but they will be ignored by some. Just because a bathroom is supposedly off limits is absolutely no guarantee that the rule will be followed. Way back when, my freshman year I was in an all girls dorm. Twice my first semester there were guys in the bathroom taking showers in the middle of the night. Frequently when a girl had a guy visiting, if he needed to use the bathroom, she would "guard the door" for him and have other girls wait a few minutes until he had finished.

 

While I think most people are decent and could work out compromises and behave in a civilized manner, as we have seen in a couple of roommate horror stories here recently, there seem to be plenty of exceptions. I'm not sure I would count on people being quite as respectful of others now as they were back when I was in school. If someone can't manage a respectful roommate interaction, I doubt they would be any different when it came to the shared bathrooms.

 

When I was in college, once I went to meet a friend on the same floor around 9:00 on a Saturday morning in her room. Her incredibly messy roommate was up and already gone to soccer practice. I gingerly sat on the edge of the roommate's bed while waiting for my friend to get her shoes on. Much to my surprise, I sat on a guy! He was buried there in the tangle of blankets. And a deep enough sleeper that he didn't wake up even after I accidentally sat on his foot! My friend had no idea who he was, when he had come in, or when he was going to leave. We left the room but he was still there sleeping when we returned around 1:00. We went out again and he finally left somewhere between 1:00 and 3:00 pm, when we returned the second time. This in an all girls dorm, with lots of rules regarding no males on the floor during certain hours, none in the floor bathrooms (public ones in the main lobby were for male visitors), etc.

 

At the time, my friend and I were more fascinated by the whole experience than upset. Although as a mother these days, I would be a lot less open to such an occurrence happening to my dd.

[FaithManor]

.

 

Youngest wouldn't care if he were sharing a port o john and section of river...

 

It is definitely important that one know their offspring and check out colleges accordingly IF it's an issue.

 

This! We've wild camped enough over the years for the boys to not care all that much. They'd like to be able to lock the door to use the toilet, but otherwise sharing a bathroom with women wouldn't bother them in the least. So, it really is important to know your own kids.

 

Now, that said, there had better be a good housekeeping arrangement or some heads will roll! Women generally have a higher standard for bathroom cleanliness than many males do. After living with my folks for six weeks after the accident, DS and I were able to move home this weekend. Despite only two males using the bathroom here full time, despite knowing how to mops floors, use toilet bowl cleansers, and disinfectant wipes on the counter top, as well as a broom and dust pan, and CLEANING THE HAIR OUT OF THE SINK! On top of which, they did have a father down here nights so one would think that someone would have done something about the condition of the bathroom. NOPE! They did get motivated to clean it within five minutes of my arrival, LOL! Good grief. Bachelors.

 

So, I would say inform your kids about the responsibilities of mutually shared bathrooms if housekeeping/maintenance is not going to be taking care of it.

[CaffeineDiary]

Frankly I wonder if co-ed bathrooms might in fact lead to them being, generally, cleaner.  Because people are less inclined to (so to speak) let their hair down there.

 

If so, that's a big point in their favor.

 

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I remember seeing an article about a woman who was showering in a co-ed college bathroom and saw someone stick their hand under the bottom of the stall and snap a photo. Shouldn't happen anywhere, but group bathrooms really should provide enough privacy that people don't have to be anxious every time they get in the shower.

 

There are people out there who will get away with whatever they can.  I have had times when my modesty had to be held at pretty low levels.  But it would not make me comfortable to have nothing more than 1-2 curtains between me and members of the opposite sex, particularly in larger dorms where there might be dozens of dorm rooms on each floor.

 

A large common bathroom in a large dorm is different than sharing within an apartment or house. 

 

It is also a different world now, imho, where it is the matter of seconds to capture a digital image and post it to the internet or send it as an email.  Quite a change from the days of film cameras that required processing to make a copy.

[Laura in CA]

The colleges we've seen have all had designated male and female bathrooms when they have hall bathrooms. Moth dorms seem to be suite type, which I avoided in college. Honestly, I'd rather worry a little about my privacy than deal with constant bickering about cleaning. My dd might be more worried about privacy so that will be her decision.

This was my thought as well! I always preferred having bathrooms down the hall. My son feels the opposite :), plus at his school, the suite bathrooms are cleaned for them (unlike how it is at my other son's school, and at many we've heard of).

 

This is a rabbit trail, but while searching for images last night, I remembered that the showers in two of the dorms I lived in in the 1980s (at a well-known private university) were group showers - i.e., one large tiled room with a drain and 6 or 8 shower heads. NO privacy, unless you happened to be the only person taking a shower. (Of course these bathrooms were single-sex, and at one of the dorms, *one* of the shower heads had a little curtain associated with it, and the international students always waited for that one.) ... I assume this type of arrangement has gone the way of the dinosaur; I'd be curious if *anyone* has seen this type of shower anywhere recently!

ETA: I mean, seen it in a college dorm.

[swimmermom3]

I never would have thought a thread on college bathrooms could be so interesting.  :D  I also would never have thought to look at the bathroom situation in choosing a college.

 

Ds attends a college with co-ed bathrooms.  They, too, vote every year, and always vote for co-ed bathrooms.  It is not an issue.  He says there are rarely two people in the bathroom at the same time.  College kids, you know, don't shower too often!

 

For my son's college, in particular, it is definitely part of the culture.  One with which he is not only comfortable, but would have no other way.

 

Lisa, just out of curiosity, why is it important to your son and his peers to have coed bathrooms? What are the advantages?

 

 

I don't really know what I think.  It wouldn't be an issue on the table in choosing a college primarily because of who my kids are. They have shared bathrooms with siblings of the opposite gender and they have spent significant portions of their lives wearing next to nothing in public and showering with numerous people of mixed ages, but not gender. All three also tend to have more friends of the opposite sex.

 

For myself, as a freshman I would have thought coed dorms and bathrooms were the coolest thing ever: a great way to meet guys.  But then, I went to an all girls high school and only had a sister. :tongue_smilie: Naive might be the operative word here.  As it was, I lived in a building with a girls' wing and a boys' wing. We had a fairly great group of girls on our floor and we somehow ended up friends with a floor in the boys' dorm. You might encounter the occasional boyfriend in the bathroom, but not very often. What I am thinking is that it was the best of both worlds with lots of guy friends in close proximity, yet I didn't have to worry about what I looked like on my way to the bathroom. Hence, why I am asking about the advantages of coed bathrooms.

 

[CaffeineDiary]

Yes, I've seen it in the gyms on the military bases. It is still just a giant room with shower heads sticking out of the wall with one drain in the middle of the floor. No privacy whatsoever. None. It really stinks when you lose your water and have to shower there. And I've often wondered how those situations are going to be handled now that the military is admitting homosexual members.

 

Presumably the same way they've always been handled for the thousands of years militaries have had gay warriors.  Or the way it's dealt with on swim teams or football teams.  I know it's a common fantasy trope, but really most people are perfectly capable of acting professionally in a forced-nudity situation.  Just because the military doesn't force gays to stay in the closet doesn't mean they're going to be harassing their fellow soldiers.

[maize]

This was my thought as well! I always preferred having bathrooms down the hall. My son feels the opposite :), plus at his school, the suite bathrooms are cleaned for them (unlike how it is at my other son's school, and at many we've heard of).

 

This is a rabbit trail, but while searching for images last night, I remembered that the showers in two of the dorms I lived in in the 1980s (at a well-known private university) were group showers - i.e., one large tiled room with a drain and 6 or 8 shower heads. NO privacy, unless you happened to be the only person taking a shower. (Of course these bathrooms were single-sex, and at one of the dorms, *one* of the shower heads had a little curtain associated with it, and the international students always waited for that one. ... I assume this type of arrangement has gone the way of the dinosaur; I'd be curious if *anyone* has seen this type of shower anywhere recently!

Last time I saw a shower like that was in military training; they may still have them there. I survived--and honestly when you have two minutes total to shower you don't really worry about people watching, they're too busy trying to soap up and rinse off themselves. Given the choice, though, I'd take co-ed bathrooms with individual closed showers over a single-sex group shower :P

 

ETA this would have been late 90's....

[wendyroo]

This is a rabbit trail, but while searching for images last night, I remembered that the showers in two of the dorms I lived in in the 1980s (at a well-known private university) were group showers - i.e., one large tiled room with a drain and 6 or 8 shower heads. NO privacy, unless you happened to be the only person taking a shower. (Of course these bathrooms were single-sex, and at one of the dorms, *one* of the shower heads had a little curtain associated with it, and the international students always waited for that one. ... I assume this type of arrangement has gone the way of the dinosaur; I'd be curious if *anyone* has seen this type of shower anywhere recently!

 

Sure, this is how it is in the pool locker rooms at the local high school.  The pool is open to the public evenings and weekends, and sometimes we take the kids to swim.  I just looked it up, and it was built in 2003, so pretty recent.

 

I, obviously, only know for sure about the setup in the women's locker room.  It is a big U shape with the entrance at the bottom.  Along the far right hand side are the toilet stalls and some sinks.  Along all the interior walls are the lockers with some benches.  Along the whole left hand wall are shower heads just jutting out of the wall every 4ish feet.  If you choose to shower, you do it completely in the open.

 

Wendy

[Laura in CA]

Sure, this is how it is in the pool locker rooms at the local high school. The pool is open to the public evenings and weekends, and sometimes we take the kids to swim. I just looked it up, and it was built in 2003, so pretty recent.

 

I, obviously, only know for sure about the setup in the women's locker room. It is a big U shape with the entrance at the bottom. Along the far right hand side are the toilet stalls and some sinks. Along all the interior walls are the lockers with some benches. Along the whole left hand wall are shower heads just jutting out of the wall every 4ish feet. If you choose to shower, you do it completely in the open.

 

Wendy

Thanks - I know it's like this in many (most?) locker rooms & gyms. I'm curious about *dorm* rooms (which in CA cost an arm and a leg!) ... that is, if what was not uncommon at my private uni 25 -- oops, 30 -- years ago is *ever* seen these days in a dorm ...

[maize]

Sure, this is how it is in the pool locker rooms at the local high school. The pool is open to the public evenings and weekends, and sometimes we take the kids to swim. I just looked it up, and it was built in 2003, so pretty recent.

 

I, obviously, only know for sure about the setup in the women's locker room. It is a big U shape with the entrance at the bottom. Along the far right hand side are the toilet stalls and some sinks. Along all the interior walls are the lockers with some benches. Along the whole left hand wall are shower heads just jutting out of the wall every 4ish feet. If you choose to shower, you do it completely in the open.

 

Wendy

I see this at pools all the time, but I've only ever seen women at ours showering with their suits on. People do sometimes change out in the open though there are a few closed stalls available as well. There is room for individual modesty for those who want it.

[swimmermom3]

This was my thought as well! I always preferred having bathrooms down the hall. My son feels the opposite :), plus at his school, the suite bathrooms are cleaned for them (unlike how it is at my other son's school, and at many we've heard of).

 

This is a rabbit trail, but while searching for images last night, I remembered that the showers in two of the dorms I lived in in the 1980s (at a well-known private university) were group showers - i.e., one large tiled room with a drain and 6 or 8 shower heads. NO privacy, unless you happened to be the only person taking a shower. (Of course these bathrooms were single-sex, and at one of the dorms, *one* of the shower heads had a little curtain associated with it, and the international students always waited for that one. ... I assume this type of arrangement has gone the way of the dinosaur; I'd be curious if *anyone* has seen this type of shower anywhere recently!

 

This is what I remember, but I think things have changed significantly at my Alma mater. Our rooms had a large window that ran the width of the room, with two twin beds, two small desks, and two wardrobes. You could almost reach out and clap hands with your roommate from your bed. Bathrooms were down the hall, one per floor.

 

As you can see from the link, there are a lot more options available. When I think of what it must have cost to renovate all of the old buildings to create more upscale accommodations for students, I can see why college costs so much more these days. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

[Starr]

Don't count on suite mates not having boyfriend/girlfriend stay over and use the common suite bathroom. Private bathrooms are few and far between.

[swimmermom3]

Don't count on suite mates not having boyfriend/girlfriend stay over and use the common suite bathroom. Private bathrooms are few and far between.

 

Rules are good.  My junior year I shared a one bedroom apartment with a friend. My room was a screened off corner of the large living space. She had the bedroom. You had to walk through her room to get to the bathroom. She was dating a football player who had a private room at the University Inn, so I have no idea why he always stayed at our place. I would hold everything as long as I could before walking through in the morning. Ugh! TMI.

[Laura in CA]

This is what I remember, but I think things have changed significantly at my Alma mater. Our rooms had a large window that ran the width of the room, with two twin beds, two small desks, and two wardrobes. You could almost reach out and clap hands with your roommate from your bed. Bathrooms were down the hall, one per floor.

 

As you can see from the link, there are a lot more options available. When I think of what it must have cost to renovate all of the old buildings to create more upscale accommodations for students, I can see why college costs so much more these days. :tongue_smilie:

 

Wow, that's a nice variety! And yes, I see dollar signs ... :)

 

Staying on my group-shower rabbit trail, haha ... I just remembered something. My freshman dorm was coed by floor, so boys were on a separate floor. For one especially raucous party, the boys on the ground floor stopped up their group-shower drain and somehow built a low, waterproof wall (several feet high) across the entrance (the room had tiled walls on 3 sides, but the entrance just had a low, ~6" wall you stepped over, that kept water from running into the rest of the bathroom area). Then they ran the water and made a giant hot tub (the shower room was ~12' x 12'). I can't imagine they didn't get in trouble, but I don't remember ... Anyway, I don't think most current shower arrangements offer this kind of versatility.  :tongue_smilie: