Jump to content

Menu

Sparkly Unicorn?


Firefly
 Share

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 363
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Anyone else feeling a little sad that apparently all the cool people had a special secret group and didn't invite you?

 

 

Honestly, yes. From what I have gleaned, it was comprised of posters I often align and click with (I thought). I have experienced a resurgence of Jr High and Sr High feelings. I have not been invited to any social groups.

 

I am not an atheist, though.

 

I was feeling that way. I don't pine to be in a clique, but it does make me feel like an outsider when, for example, someone dies and everyone but me seems to have known she was sick.

 

But less so now that I see it wasn't a club made up of every single person I tend to agree with except for me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Anyone else feeling a little sad that apparently all the cool people had a special secret group and didn't invite you?

Not really. I don't feel excluded, but I do wonder who left besides Sparkly Unicorn/Wendy, and where they all went.

 

I'm not very good at guessing "who are we missing", either here or in an IRL group.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Nobody invited me, either, so at least you've got company. I'm not in any of the social groups -- public or private.

You have to be invited? I'm in only one group, but I think I joined myself without being invited. Trying to remember...

 

Sounds like it's not that way for all the social groups though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am pretty sure it was a social group for atheists. The social groups are started by members for specific purposes. For example there is a weight loss group  and a cooking group. 

 

 

 

Yes, the group in question was a social group for atheists, not a cool kids clique. Just like all the other social groups, it was formed around a specific topic--in this case, just to be a private place for people who define themselves as atheists to discuss the various ins and outs of living life without faith. Just like I wouldn't want to join the crockpot group (because I don't own one), I'm sure there's plenty of cool people who wouldn't want to join the atheist social group, KWIM?

 

It was set to the most private settings available because there were conversations that were very personal in nature and also because not all members were comfortable with their religious (or not) status being public. Social groups that are not set to be completely private usually have a way you can either just join or request to join. This one did not. That, again, was not to exclude anyone, it was for privacy of the members.

 

I take exception to the idea that "all the cool people" can ever be found in one group. In my experience here, as in real life, the cool people are spread all around. ;)

 

Agreed!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There are a lot of Social Groups that are public.  Just click on the Social Group button and you can see public groups.  Just join one you are interested in.  Or create one of your own.  I just joined the OneNote group because I want to learn more about OneNote.

 

There are also private groups.  As far as I can tell, the main reason a group would go private is because they are discussing things they don't want searchable on the internet by random parties or they are discussing very painful and difficult situations that they want to share with others that have gone through the same thing but don't feel comfortable sharing on a public chat room or they are covering potentially inflamatory/controversial topics they would like to explore further without the conversation immediately devolving into something unproductive or contentious or they just really want to spend a bit of time with a group of people that are very similar in viewpoint to themselves, etc..  

 

Let's say I LOVE oil painting.  I really want to explore oil painting with like minded individuals but every time I do a search for threads about oil painting I have to dig through tons of post about other types of art, not oil painting.  So I start a thread about oil painting, but I want this to be an ongoing discussion, covering several different topics for oil painting.  The thread gets long and unwieldy, it devolves into discussions about lots of other art forms I am really not that interested in, and is generally not as productive/informative/interesting as I would like.  So I hop over to the Social Group room, start a group for oil painting and anyone with a similar interest can join if they choose.  There can be multiple threads but they all deal with some aspect of oil painting.  When people come to that group they are all people interested in oil painting.  Problem solved.  Does that make sense?  Not sure I am making sense.

 

With the group that disbanded, it was apparently a group of atheists (as confirmed above; we were xposting :) ).  I have a lot of people from that group that I have connected with over time and have come to respect.  Honestly, several I considered to be on-line friends.  I am deeply saddened that whatever happened caused some to leave (especially Sparkly/Wendy) but I am not an Atheist so to be honest it didn't bother me at all that they didn't invite me into their group.  Why would they when it was for atheists and I am not one?

 

Best wishes to all.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

IIRC, the group was started when posters came into an atheist thread to proselytize.  For that reason, a poster didn't necessarily have to be invited, anyone could ask to be allowed in, but careful consideration was taken by the group.  

 

I don't think it was the "popular kids" group, but it was a tough group. I had to walk away occasionally

 

I know of one very exclusive FB group of former posters from these forums.  I'm sure there are more. 

 

Why not start your own?  It's great having a small group of like minded people to chat with.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I started two social groups as a way to discuss some topics instead of having one out of control thread. They're public and you're all invited to join. I didn't invite anyone in particular, just announced on the thread that I was starting them. They're not active anymore, but hey! That could change!

 

Diverse Perspectives

 

Science and Mathy Homeschooling
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Nobody invited me, either, so at least you've got company. I'm not in any of the social groups -- public or private.

 

You could start your own "Prolific Posters" social group!  You'd hit one million posts in no time!  However, it wouldn't be quite the same without Spark.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

I started two social groups as a way to discuss some topics instead of having one out of control thread. They're public and you're all invited to join. I didn't invite anyone in particular, just announced on the thread that I was starting them. They're not active anymore, but hey! That could change!

 

Diverse Perspectives

 

Science and Mathy Homeschooling

 

Cool.  And you changed your icon, Stripe!  I almost didn't "recognize" you.   :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

I started two social groups as a way to discuss some topics instead of having one out of control thread. They're public and you're all invited to join. I didn't invite anyone in particular, just announced on the thread that I was starting them. They're not active anymore, but hey! That could change!

 

Diverse Perspectives

 

Science and Mathy Homeschooling

 

 

I just joined and posted in the science and math group. :) I'm glad to see that  group like this exists. Thanks for starting it and for mentioning it here!

 

Cat

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When someone is feeling excluded, "Start your own group!" is rarely helpful feedback. Someone feeling hurt by exclusion is unlikely to feel capable of starting a comparable group.

 

Did none of the explanations of how the group was started and how it became private not help?  If not, there may be a bigger issue.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You could start your own "Prolific Posters" social group! You'd hit one million posts in no time! However, it wouldn't be quite the same without Spark.

:iagree:

 

It still feels strange not to see her here every day. She always had something nice or funny to say.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When someone is feeling excluded, "Start your own group!" is rarely helpful feedback. Someone feeling hurt by exclusion is unlikely to feel capable of starting a comparable group.

I apologize profusely if my post up thread hurt anyone's feelings.  That was never my intention and I deeply regret any hurt I have incurred.  I was just trying to explain why someone not being invited into a specific group might have nothing to do with whether they were liked or not and that actually most of the Social Groups are open for anyone to join, in case anyone is interested.  I honestly didn't know that myself until recently.  

 

Best wishes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

:iagree:

 

It still feels strange not to see her here every day. She always had something nice or funny to say.

 

I always had this weird tranference thing going on with her avatar and her posts. No matter what she said, the cat had the appropriate look. Even when she was being nice, there was an air of indifference about it.  As if she were sitting on her haunches, licking her paw the whole time she was posting.

 

:001_rolleyes: I'm weird that way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I always had this weird tranference thing going on with her avatar and her posts. No matter what she said, the cat had the appropriate look. Even when she was being nice, there was an air of indifference about it. As if she were sitting on her haunches, licking her paw the whole time she was posting.

 

:001_rolleyes: I'm weird that way.

I'm so glad to hear I'm not the only one who felt the same way about that cat!!!!!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Did none of the explanations of how the group was started and how it became private not help?  If not, there may be a bigger issue.

 

I did not write out every single thing going on in my head :) I'm not sitting around crying because the mean old WTM atheists didn't include me in their group (especially when I don't actually identify as an atheist). Just saying that "Start your own group" isn't helpful for someone feeling excluded.

 

 

I think all three of us understand the situation from an intellectual standpoint. Intellectual understanding doesn't always totally fix emotional reactions to a situation that triggers feelings based on previous experiences.

 

I am glad they shared their feelings, because I was feeling the same way, and it helps to see others whom I see as well-known and respected, and whom I mentally associate with people in the social group, who also weren't members.

 

I like the cat and the bacon. I miss the "Find X" avatar. She does have a knack for choosing them!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I did not write out every single thing going on in my head :) I'm not sitting around crying because the mean old WTM atheists didn't include me in their group (especially when I don't actually identify as an atheist). Just saying that "Start your own group" isn't helpful for someone feeling excluded.

 

 

I think all three of us understand the situation from an intellectual standpoint. Intellectual understanding doesn't always totally fix emotional reactions to a situation that triggers feelings based on previous experiences.

 

I am glad they shared their feelings, because I was feeling the same way, and it helps to see others whom I see as well-known and respected, and whom I mentally associate with people in the social group, who also weren't members.

 

I guess I get it.  I have to say it is nice being in a smaller group that's full of people that are both like-minded and diverse.  I would love to be in another social group with some other posters around here.  But this athiest group just sort of fell together, and I'm not sure that setting out to create a group for the sole purpose of having a group would work. So, I guess to say go out and create a group is a bit ... er... flippant(?)

 

While you didn't write every single thing going in your head, I'm trying to type everything going on in my head while "Eye of the Tiger" is blaring through the house.  So please excuse if none of this makes sense.

 

(Thanks, DH, for introducing Spotify to the 7 year old.  :001_rolleyes:)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

While you didn't write every single thing going in your head, I'm trying to type everything going on in my head while "Eye of the Tiger" is blaring through the house.  So please excuse if none of this makes sense.

 

That's basically why I don't type everything in my head. I try, but I get distracted every 2 seconds, so I cut it down to the bare essentials.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

OTOH, I do recall a thread from the group that was accidentally public a couple of years ago (at least for those of us who cruise through New Messages not paying attention to where the posts are coming from) in which various members were talking about never participating in the general site again because now their group was the "cool table" in the lunch room, and ... well, that stings. Probably because I'm the goofy kid who didn't realize there's a cool table until that moment.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Reading this thread makes me feel like I've been asleep for a really long time. Had no idea any of this was happening.

 

Not only did I not know it was happening, I didn't even know there *were* private social groups.  LOL   

 

For all I know, ya'll are a bunch of soulless auto posting bots from a parallel universe here to mess with my mind. :blink:   In other words: the ultimate gas-lighting experiment.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not only did I not know it was happening, I didn't even know there *were* private social groups.  LOL   

 

For all I know, ya'll are a bunch of soulless auto posting bots from a parallel universe here to mess with my mind. :blink:   In other words: the ultimate gas-lighting experiment.

 

If there's a social experiment going on, I think it's the fact that your name is Snickerdoodle, and you avatar is Oreos. (ETA: Says the person whose username is ocelotmom and whose avatar is a goat)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If there's a social experiment going on, I think it's the fact that your name is Snickerdoodle, and you avatar is Oreos. (ETA: Says the person whose username is ocelotmom and whose avatar is a goat)

 

You took the words right out of my mouth!!  :lol:  Snickerdoodle, you're freaking me out!!

 

(For some reason, I'm ok w/ocelot as a goat. Don't ask me why. Probably says more about where my priorities are than I care to admit.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

OTOH, I do recall a thread from the group that was accidentally public a couple of years ago (at least for those of us who cruise through New Messages not paying attention to where the posts are coming from) in which various members were talking about never participating in the general site again because now their group was the "cool table" in the lunch room, and ... well, that stings. Probably because I'm the goofy kid who didn't realize there's a cool table until that moment.

But there is not a cool table. There is just not. Really. There are lots of cool tables. Better yet, there are lots of empty tables where individual cool people come to congregate even though they are cool in very different ways. That is cool! ;)

 

And sorry, but if you have to announce your own coolness, well then just bless your heart...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, this thread sure went places I never imagined when starting it!  :lol:

 

:laugh:

Anywho......if anyone is FB friends with Wendy or posts with her elsewhere, could you tell her I said hello and that I hope she's doing well?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Honestly, yes. From what I have gleaned, it was comprised of posters I often align and click with (I thought). I have experienced a resurgence of Jr High and Sr High feelings. I have not been invited to any social groups.

 

I am not an atheist, though.

 

FWIW, yes, it was for atheists and was a spin off, of sorts, of the big long "ask an atheist" thread.  The membership of the group was quite diverse, actually, but if you didn't join at the beginning of the group formation, it was hard to get in due to still unaddressed technical issues. The group did try to invite others from time to time, but for whatever reason we were unable to get the "Invite" function to work properly.  I think we only ever managed to get a few people invited at the beginning of the group.  After that, it just stopped working.  We appealed to the mods and tech support to no avail, and never did get an explanation as to how, why or if the issue would ever be resolved.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

OTOH, I do recall a thread from the group that was accidentally public a couple of years ago (at least for those of us who cruise through New Messages not paying attention to where the posts are coming from) in which various members were talking about never participating in the general site again because now their group was the "cool table" in the lunch room, and ... well, that stings. Probably because I'm the goofy kid who didn't realize there's a cool table until that moment.

 

Cool is in the eye of the beholder.

 

 

If people want to be part of social groups, they might search the social groups and apply to any that take their fancy. Then, if their invitation isn't accepted, conclude it's a technical bug and not that everyone hates you. Because it is almost certainly a technical bug. Or announce here on this thread what sort of social group you want to belong to, and if anyone knows of one suitable, they'll speak up. Or other people wanting the same will speak up. That's how groups tend to start.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Cool is in the eye of the beholder.

 

 

If people want to be part of social groups, they might search the social groups and apply to any that take their fancy. Then, if their invitation isn't accepted, conclude it's a technical bug and not that everyone hates you. Because it is almost certainly a technical bug. Or announce here on this thread what sort of social group you want to belong to, and if anyone knows of one suitable, they'll speak up. Or other people wanting the same will speak up. That's how groups tend to start.

 

I think it would be more kind and empathetic to remember that the group in question was a secret, invite *only* group. That group is now featured, so to speak, in a community that has several dozens of regular posters.

 

"Feelings" are bound to emerge, and we should expect them.

 

This isn't a mater of creating a place to chat, but having by definition been excluded.

 

It is ok that the group existed; it needs to also be ok that people have various feelings associated with the group having existed.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think it would be more kind and empathetic to remember that the group in question was a secret, invite *only* group. That group is now featured, so to speak, in a community that has several dozens of regular posters.

 

"Feelings" are bound to emerge, and we should expect them.

 

This isn't a mater of creating a place to chat, but having by definition been excluded.

 

It is ok that the group existed; it needs to also be ok that people have various feelings associated with the group having existed.

 

 

By now you would have caught up on the thread and seen the technical problems the group had and know your post above is somewhat incorrect on details.

 

And don't reprimand me about being kind or empathetic.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Perhaps the owners of private, unsearchable groups make them that way so as to keep the hurt feelings and flak over exclusion to a minimum.

 

By the standard we are apparently held to, I feel like I should be offended because the Orthodox group didn't invite me to join. Except I'm not because why would they? I'm sure they're not particularly interested in my input in discussions about how orthodoxy shapes their daily lives, not should they be. Likewise, the members of that group should be able to express themselves with the understanding that everyone is basically on the same page and that they can have discussions of the differences in their views on daily life and happenings that respect their collective position rather than being derailed by those whose worldviews conflict.

 

Why is it shocking that atheists might want the same luxury on a board with a Protestant majority?

 

And, while I appreciate the perception that we are the cool kids, I'm pretty sure it was obvious that it was tongue-in-cheek banter to all participating. I voiced in the same read thread that, IMO, it was probably the bad kids table. I recognized it because my chair with the life-member plaque was there.

 

Kind of reminds me of a recent text conversation with a friend in which we were lamenting the burden of being so clever... Sparked off by a joint realization of something so obvious we both sort of mortified that it was, in fact, a realization.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

OTOH, I do recall a thread from the group that was accidentally public a couple of years ago (at least for those of us who cruise through New Messages not paying attention to where the posts are coming from) in which various members were talking about never participating in the general site again because now their group was the "cool table" in the lunch room, and ... well, that stings. Probably because I'm the goofy kid who didn't realize there's a cool table until that moment.

 

Hugs. Cool tables are overrated. Not nearly as much fun as some others. 

 

Come sit next to me: I'm that goofy kid that went abroad for a year, and now I'm back and everything's all different. But check out my new wicked cool accent! ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

By now you would have caught up on the thread and seen the technical problems the group had and know your post above is somewhat incorrect on details.

 

And don't reprimand me about being kind or empathetic.

 

Actually my content still stands.

 

I was responding not only to you, but other posts with similar content. I could have made that more clear, but the dismissive posts about how people are feeling are not helpful.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Can I clarify something? Was this private, unsearchable group actually listed in the social groups directory? So anyone looking for the same kind of fellowship could browse the directory and request membership?

 

I feel like people who are considering it a secret group think that no one knew it existed at all and that it wasn't even listed in such a way that one could attempt to gain access. This isn't how I recall it, but I admit that I didn't care to join so I wasn't exactly paying attention. And I was reading the big thread that (re)spawned it when it happened, so I did already know it existed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Actually my content still stands.

 

I was responding not only to you, but other posts with similar content. I could have made that more clear, but the dismissive posts about how people are feeling are not helpful.

 

I posted solutions for people who are feeling upset. That was not unkind nor lacking in empathy, so again, take your reprimands somewhere else.

 

 

 

 

Can I clarify something? Was this private, unsearchable group actually listed in the social groups directory? So anyone looking for the same kind of fellowship could browse the directory and request membership?

 

No idea, hence my suggestion that people post in this thread if they would like to join a certain kind of group.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I posted solutions for people who are feeling upset. That was not unkind nor lacking in empathy, so again, take your reprimands somewhere else.

 

 

 

 

 

No idea, hence my suggestion that people post in this thread if they would like to join a certain kind of group.

 

 

Um, no.

 

I am not critical that the group existed. I am totally cool with that.

 

I *am* calling out the dismissive, "don't feel that way", "create your own group" responses to those who have expressed feeling excluded.

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

I *am* calling out the dismissive, "don't feel that way", "create your own group" responses to those who have expressed feeling excluded.

 

 

That was hardly the entirety of my post, so your criticism of me was unwarranted. 

Edited by Susan Wise Bauer
I removed the rest of this post because it was uncivil.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Can I clarify something? Was this private, unsearchable group actually listed in the social groups directory? So anyone looking for the same kind of fellowship could browse the directory and request membership?

 

I feel like people who are considering it a secret group think that no one knew it existed at all and that it wasn't even listed in such a way that one could attempt to gain access. This isn't how I recall it, but I admit that I didn't care to join so I wasn't exactly paying attention. And I was reading the big thread that (re)spawned it when it happened, so I did already know it existed.

 

My understanding (which could be wrong) is that this group was unsearchable, but was occasionally referred to publicly, which is probably where the hurt feelings developed. I know I was aware of it starting when nmoira's death was posted about.

 

There are other similarly-themed groups that are public.

 

I admit that I probably wouldn't have paid any attention to an atheist group if it had been public. Atheist talk doesn't tend to be my thing. People I like discussing their lives more openly does, but I assume that much wouldn't be obvious from the group name.

 

Like Joanne, I have no problem with the existence of private social groups, even if I'm not included. My feelings are my feelings. I'm fine with that. I'm just happy to see that others share them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share


×
×
  • Create New...