Mynyel Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 I do. My youngest. I think his sole purpose in life is to constantly barrage me with demands and irritation. He is a joy, absolute joy! when he is behaving.. well behave is relative but you know what I mean. He is cuddly and loves to "give love" as he calls it. That means hugs and kisses... but then the beast comes out. Usually though he is whining, complaining he wants food (my lord the boy can eat), whining about this and that again. Wants me to get him something, no I don't want to pick up my mess. No I don't want to go in te front door I just went out of I want you to get up and unlock the backdoor and I am going to stand here and knock and make complainy noises until you do. No, I don't' like whatever you suggested so I am going to hide under the table and make moaning noises until you change your mind. I am going to scream because my brother isn't playing the way want him to, or maybe I'll smack him. I haven't decided yet. I am going to go in the refrigerator and knock things over and make things fall out because I didn't ask for help (even though I have been told to and been told several times) because I am hungry... again. I am then going to wait approximately one hour before begging for food again. Because "I'm hungry!" I am going to change my underwear three times today and probably go through two pairs of pants (at least) because I spill a drop of water on them or I take them off outside and drop them in the nice red clay dirt and mud we have around the house. I may change my underwear a couple more times because they fall off my legs in the bathroom and I don't want to pick them up. If I have another pair that is. Mom only goes to the laundromat once a week. I could go on. I know I will be laughing and endeared later by these but for now, with everything I have on my plate these antics just suck the life out of me. I can feel the tension when he asks for something. I can feel the tension as soon as he wakes up. I know he is a doer. He loves to DO things. He almost always goes to the store with me so he can do everything, push the cart, load the cart, unload the cart, load the car etc. But and home I don't have the time to constantly entertain him and the rest of the family gets tired of it too. It is a constant barrage. Yes, I know he is sensory seeking. Always has been. But his sensory seeking is sensory overload for me. We have a small home and there just isn't enough here to hold his interest for long. I am just venting I guess. I have to work today, well I actually work every. single. day. I don't have a day off. I don't have the money for a break. That is my problem though not really part of this particular post. Tell me I am not the only one. Oh and vitamins don't help :P I tried them. My mood wasn't effected! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 I don't, but I have a brother who sucked the life out of my mother, bless his heart. Happily, he grew up and got married and became a pastor, but I am not kidding when I tell you that my mother was once admitted to the hospital with a nervous breakdown because of his high needs. o_0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendyroo Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 :grouphug: Yes, my eldest, who is also 5, makes me dread waking up each morning. His maladaptive behaviors have long since moved beyond quirky and into the realm of needing psychological care. Our entire family struggles to cope with his behaviors and never ending needs. It is especially hard because we never see a loving side to him...I sometimes wonder if his extreme self-centeredness and lack of empathy even allow him to feel love toward another person. For five years it has been like putting my heart and soul into caring for a feral dog who bites me at every opportunity. Wendy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysteryJen Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Wendy :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendyroo Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Mynyel, You might want to consider joining the Parenting Intense Kids social group. It is a safe place to discuss the challenges involved in parenting kids with extremely high needs. Wendy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Love, love, love my kid, and I'm glad to be able to be with him every day. But yes, there are reasons we only have one. The first couple hundred questions a day are fun... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrn Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 :grouphug: I hear you. I'd like just one day this week to be able to wake up and have a full 10 min before she is crabby about something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Yes, we have one that is very draining, and one that is whiny. The whiny one gets that way when he doesn't feel appreciated, or when he is hungry. So with the hunger, you might consider making a monumental effort to have snacks around that he can access himself and that are very filling. My other DS (doesn't whine when hungry) is our sensory seeker, life-sucker child. He has other co-morbid diagnoses besides sensory issues, and he's a lot like what you describe minus the whine (he has other ways to make us miserable than whine, lol). Anyway, he's always been a big eater, but he went through a year or more of eating voraciously nearly every minute he was awake. He was starving and growing like crazy. He is very lean and slim, and he was during that time as well. So, snacks really are a huge deal. If your son is putting on unneeded weight, the snacks may be a way of getting some sensory stimulation. If so, you should talk to an OT. I would really consider OT. We are working on that ourselves. He may learn some self-regulation with OT, not just have some time to scratch that itch--look for an OT that teaches them to recognize and respond to their own needs and regulate themselves. I would specifically bring up the incessant whining when he's not stimulated. The fact that he enjoys the lifting, pushing, pulling at the grocery store is pretty telling. If he doesn't naturally do that at home as well, you need to get him into OT. We've waited on OT because my son was finding ways on his own to satisfy those needs, but as he's grown, his interests have changed, and it's not fun to have to channel him into doing what he needs to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 :grouphug: My son drains me. I am extremely introverted and he is extremely extroverted, plus he is strong-willed. He is a leader, an innovator, a doer. Oh, and he is always right (hypothetically and literally). He is an amazing child, but oh my goodness does he drain me. I will say it has gotten a little better as he's getting older. Better, but different. Mynyel, You might want to consider joining the Parenting Intense Kids social group. It is a safe place to discuss the challenges involved in parenting kids with extremely high needs. Wendy Is this here? I did a search and didn't find a group by this name. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Mynyel, You might want to consider joining the Parenting Intense Kids social group. It is a safe place to discuss the challenges involved in parenting kids with extremely high needs. Wendy There is a social group for this? May I join? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seeking Squirrels Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Yes. You've described my 6 yo daughter rather well. She's also talking almost non stop all day. Except when she's watching tv. So I admit to letting her watch a little more than I want. I had to put her in a once a week charter program so I could have a day off from her. Before I found that program I was considering sending her to ps because I just can't handle her full time. ETA: she's managed to remind me of a few more things in the last ten minutes. She cries and wails rather dramatically over every little thing. Everything must be just. so. She cannot sit even remotely still for even a moment. And she has selective hearing :/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendyroo Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 I don't know much about how social groups work, but I think I have invited you both Spryte and ~Phoenix. Wendy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Four out of my five do. They are all high energy and high maintainence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Love, love, love my kid, and I'm glad to be able to be with him every day. But yes, there are reasons we only have one. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 I have been able to figure out recently that DD's extreme extroversion combined with my introversion leave me with nothing left on most days. I work hard to give her what she needs, take care of myself when I can, and know that this is just a moment in time and we will be on to other moments before we know it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 I empathize. My eldest can be like this in many respects. Earlier this year I made Herr do get own laundry for a month over the clothes changes and not putting things in the hamper. A laundry trick I learned from my mom...if you go through the basket and simply fold or hang items that do not have visible dirty and pass the sniff test, the child will be none the wiser. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristi26 Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Yes. DD! Everything has to be her way in her time even things that don't even remotely affect her at all. Like just now, she told YDS that he couldn't have the green chalk to add more green to his picture of the earth because and I quote, "you have enough green." :confused1: How is she affected by how much green he puts on his paper?? And then when you tell her that it's HIS picture and he can use however much green he wants, she puts on a pouty face and starts whining about how she is right. I could go on and on, but the thing that I found that has tamed her attitude and whininess and dramatic fit-throwing the most (seriously, she can throw a fit so loud that you can hear her outside and her room is upstairs, sigh) is cutting out ALL food dyes. She was severely affected by them. We have almost no fits, the whining has been cut down...she is still a drama queen. I mean, she has to be. She is the only girl and she is MY daughter AND I am the queen of the drama queens. :lol: Seriously though, it has gotten so much better since cutting that out two years ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 It can be incredibly painful and exhausting to do all you can and more to help a child on the spectrum and for them to still be having rages or attacking family members, for no apparent reason. My son doesn't try to hit his brother when they are struggling over a toy, he's more likely to be fly off the handle because his brother used a word incorrectly. He doesn't attack me for making him do his chores, but on hearing me tell his friend's mom that both boys grazed all day rather than made sandwiches from the spread, he came up and whacked me. There is no rhyme or reason and it's hard to predict. But after stuff like that, he's back to his normal and the rest of us just feel like we have no energy. It is exhausting. So yeah, I would say it sucks the life out of me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 My child with autism is like the little girl in the nursery rhyme "Jemima": "There was a little girl Who had a little curl Right in the middle of her forehead When she was good, she was very, very, good But when she was bad, she was horrid." Youngest DD can be very sweet and affectionate and a joy to be around at times. At other times it's like the Hulk has taken over my little girl. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 When she was good, she was very, very, good But when she was bad, she was horrid." I have had those lines go through my head soooo many times. It is painful. Parenting intense kids is utterly exhausting. And rewarding. And then exhausting and challenging, and all one can do is fall into bed at night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
puddleduck Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 I have one with Aspergers, one who hasn't, one who might and a baby. Believe me, it's the one who hasn't that's challenging, behaviour wise. My son with Aspergers has his challenges as well, and it drives me batty sometimes, but in the end I know he can't help it. My second son loves to tease. He is a natural bully :D My goodness, can he annoy us all. Yet, he's the cuddly one, the one that will come on your lap, stroke your hair, look at you with the most beautiful eyes and say 'I love you soooo much mommy'. I Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 I don't know much about how social groups work, but I think I have invited you both Spryte and ~Phoenix. Wendy Could I please be invited? Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 This is my 12 year old. He has always been an extremely intense kid. He's a complainer, has definite OCD/anxiety leanings, is sensory sensitive. Basically, he's my dh in an immature package. Over the years he has gotten easier and easier. I think he was at his worst in those first 6 years. Seven was a turning point for him, and again at 10/11 he's matured and become more in command of those traits. I have also learned how to parent him more effectively. There are things that I can do that make things much worst. I think the biggest one is not respecting his need for a very. long. runway. He needs to know what's going to happen, when it's going to happen, how, who, where, why.... that is a very unnatural way to function for me. I am last minute Lucy, and I have had to make a conscious effort to make his life predictable. Other things that help- EXERCISE!! I can't overstate how much of a change this makes. Not giving in to him when he gets demanding. Not rewarding those behaviors I loathe (whining, wearing me down, ect). When it comes to it, I have to win the head to heads. I will go to any length to maintain my dominance. I try very hard to not have to go there very often, but that's definitely one of those things that is worse in the beginning and has gotten better as he's gotten older. At 3-6 it was a daily battle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnolia Rain Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Wendy, Could you please send me an invite as well? Thank you, Brittany I don't know much about how social groups work, but I think I have invited you both Spryte and ~Phoenix. Wendy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solascriptura Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 I don't, but I have a brother who sucked the life out of my mother, bless his heart. Happily, he grew up and got married and became a pastor, but I am not kidding when I tell you that my mother was once admitted to the hospital with a nervous breakdown because of his high needs. o_0 Wow! Your poor mother! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Yes, yes I do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wapiti Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 To quote dh, "he is sucking the life out of this family." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Two. The younger is two, so she may grow out of it/into her personality. Please oh please. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Yes. I'm sorry. It's very hard. I'd love to have a nervous breakdown just to get away for a bit. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cjzimmer1 Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 My oldest was this way. He was a c-section baby and the moment he hit air he was screaming, the OR staff commented because they said it was very unusual since obviously moments before his lungs were full of fluid and not air. But in hindsight this completely sums up his young childhood. High intensity and nothing made him happy. My sister had twins and combined they were less work than my one. He cried, screamed, projectile vomited (again in hindsight I think he had gerd and possibly lactose issues) and was generally the most miserable of babies for the first year. When he was 2 he had a full blown temper, kicking screaming, writhing on the floor lasting a full 10 minutes Why? because the letter a that he had written didn't look like the ones printed in the book (you know with the little curve above the letter) and he wasn't even overtired that was a normal response when his writing didn't look like what he thought it should look like. And yes he was really only 2. I seriously regretting buying the Magna Doodle. As he got older, me and the other kids learned how to tiptoe on eggshells just to avoid the explosive backlashes. It wasn't pretty. I can't say there was much I did that actually helped the situation but to give you hope he now almost 17 years old. While we get an occasional outburst of anger, they are very rare. He is very helpful and considerate of his younger siblings, often giving up things he would like just to make a little one happy. My little one had severe issues last year and would often be up screaming during the night, oldest would get up during the night and rock the baby back to sleep or even sleep with him on the couch just to give me a break. He has learned how to temper his frustrations even when tired (when he is most likely to break down). While I realize that this does nothing to help with the day to day now, I just wanted to offer hope that they will grow out of this stage. It will be a long time coming and that doesn't mean there aren't things you can do but it WILL get better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlyingMOm Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Can I please get an invite to the group too? Thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendyroo Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Could I please be invited? Thanks. Wendy, Could you please send me an invite as well? Thank you, Brittany Can I please get an invite to the group too? Thank you! Done, Done, Done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sewingmama Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 I had to laugh..my 5 yo is exactly the same. Right down to the....mum can you get me more undies because I'm too lazy to pick up the ones dropped on the toilet floor. Luckily for me his older sister had REAL issues....so anything he does pales in comparison and I think of his behaviours as " normal and easy". lol I'd rather pick his undies off the floor three times a day then deal with the screaming 3 hour tantrum thrower that was my DD. I also noticed he is your baby...I think the youngest is always more dependent. I had no other babies to focus on after him so I did things for him much longer then the older two. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LLMom Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Three of my 7 are like this. One is an adult and no longer lives at home and is still sucking the life out of me when he can, but he is mentally ill. It can be draining. Make sure you take time to recharge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MicheleinMN Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 I have one that is always exhausting to me. He's 18 and just graduated. His sisters CAN be draining, but his extreme extroversion and my introversion are always working against each other, so he wears me out when I'm just listening to him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mynyel Posted August 21, 2014 Author Share Posted August 21, 2014 Yay ;) .. I am not the only one. He has been "good" most of the day. The morning was the roughest. Sigh. We shall see how the evening goes. Or the next hour. Things can happen at any time. I have learned to have snacks on hand. All the time. Yogurt, fruit, cheese... corn dogs. He loves him a corn dog. :) I agree with the food dyes. The only food dyes he gets are the sprinkles on his ice cream and that item is probably the only sugar he gets unless he gets LOTS of protein. I have learned to keep away from sugar. Unless it is natural sugars. I keep frozen smoothies in the freezer and he will eat like 3 a day. Along with at least 2 corn dogs as well as meals. Yea, he eats a lot. He is a big boy. Very stocky but not fat. He is 6 (in June) and he weighs 67 pounds. He gets that from my side of the family. My dad is a big man and my sisters and I, even when thinner, aren't small. I supposedly have the body frame of a 6 foot woman. I am 5' 4". He does exercise a lot. He probably needs more but *I* can't exercise that much. We don't live where he can just ride his bike around forever. Oh yes, he chews his nails constantly as well. Part of the sensory seeking! I can see I don't have it as bad as some. My niece is an Aspie so I know he isn't that bad. But golly. He can just kill me! :) Wendy... can you invite me as well? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendyroo Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Wendy... can you invite me as well? Yep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 I'd like to join, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooCow Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendyroo Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 I'd like to join, too. Invited. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Yes, except he isn't a child anymore. He's bigger than I am and gaining on dh. He is destructive and aggressive, he's trashed our house although thankfully he's never hurt us badly enough to need medical attention. He's pretty much sucked the life out of all of us for the last 15 years and there's really no end in sight short of refusing to sign the guardianship papers when he turns 18. I realize that's not encouraging to those of you struggling with young kids. I'm sorry, I wish I could be more cheerful. It hasn't gotten easier and it has gotten more dangerous as the years have gone by. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luckymama Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Oh my goodness, you guys :grouphug: My baby sister was that way. I still harbor resentment over the way she acted when our mom was dying (I know I should be the better person but it's so hard to forget what was said). However...after our dad suddenly died (and I was executor) she absolutely changed. She said she needed to be the person our parents wanted and needed her to be. I was so afraid I would inherit her behaviors and issues, but three years on, she has been so wonderful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Yep my dd also 5. She likes to express herself. Like a lot. We've had a week of flu and headaches. The other night she was wailing "my head, my head". I jumped up all ready with the Panadol only to be told - no my head keeps slipping off my pillow! We also have regular sagas over having nothing to wear even though her closet is full of clothes. Everything is too itchy, too scratchy or falls down. I always say the little girl with the pearl rhyme for her too. She is the sweetest thing when she's feeling sunny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 When I read these threads I always find it fascinating what I learn about my son. I didn't associate him biting his nails with his personality. I just thought it was a bad habbit. And he does have some quirks when it comes to his clothes, too. Humans are such interesting creatures! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 Yes. My 16 year old is my most difficult. He has Asperger's and is always upset or angry about something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
srs Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 What does it say that my dad always said that Jemima rhyme to me as a kid? :) My hardest child has legitimate issues. It does not make it that much easier in the moment sometimes, but at least I know why she is struggling most of the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 My disabled son takes a lot more time, energy, and patience than my daughter. She's older, easier, and doesn't really demand much attention. I have to make an effort to make time to just focus on her. Funny thing is, at the beginning of our homeschooling journey our lives revolved around her activities, interests, and schooling and her brother was a tagalong. We've done a complete reversal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aspasia Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 Yep. It's my 4-year-old. His mood pretty much determines the quality of my entire day and the tone of the entire house. He's grumpy. He's explosive--he asks nicely if he can have something that he only kind of wants, I say no, and he flies off the handle, yelling at me and telling me he hates me and doesn't want me in his family. He hits people and objects when he's angry. He WILL NOT leave my poor dd2 alone--if she's stacking blocks and he happens to walk by, he knocks them over. Just because. He's always poking her, taking her stuff, just bugging. (But when he plays nicely with her, it's pretty much the most adorable thing I've ever seen.) He always thinks he's right, can't ever be wrong. Tells me how to do things, asks me if I'm sure I'm driving the right direction. He's very technical, so if I try to answer a question in general terms, he'll nail me down and point out my inconsistencies. So. Much. Screaming. So much crying. Whenever we do something fun, like go to the beach or to the park, when we get in the car I'll ask, "Did you guys have fun?" Dd7 and dd2 excitedly say yes and talk about all their favorite things. Ds will actually look happy for a split second, but then he catches himself and says, "But mom, I wish they had more slides," or "But I just wish we could have had a better snack." Something like that. I've started just asking him what his favorite part was. It's slightly more successful, but he still finds negatives to dwell on. He just insists on being miserable. He finds the negative in everything and straight up refuses to acknowledge positives, even when I point them out. He's been like this for two years. He's only four, and I am honestly scared about where this is headed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 Mynyel, You might want to consider joining the Parenting Intense Kids social group. It is a safe place to discuss the challenges involved in parenting kids with extremely high needs. Wendy Could you please send me an invite? Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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