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LAmom

Would you leave your kids for a week and head out of the country?

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One week. Seven days. Your kids will survive. Not only that but it might be what your toddler needs to understand life is survivable even while Mom is away. These are FREE tickets to Japan! An amazing, possibly once-in-a-lifetime experience. Do not let fear (which is not a reliable indicator of reality) hold you back from such a special trip!

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I wouldn't go (but my kids are all about 2 years younger than yours) because watching all 5 of them for a whole week would be too much for any of their grandparents. Perhaps your ILs are younger and/or in better health than my parents and my husband's parents.  

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My in laws usually are taking care of other grand kids. Two young ones (3 and 5) and older ones are over a lot (10 and 13). They know my kids pretty well, seeing us twice a year. Even my 2yo loves them. We would never leave my kids with them at their home. They have a pool, not really supervising the other grand kids with lots of people around--too much freedom if you ask me.

 

At our home it would be different. And they are small town folk while we are in LA. They won't be as adventurous and I like that. Not the greatest definetly has to do with nasty junk food that I would never feed my kids and lots of tv. It's ok for a week. They wouldn't be allowed to spank, etc. my mil is very patient with little ones and I know she would lovingly comfort my 2yo at night. My 2yo also loves my 10yo dd and dd is very helpful with her. Not the greatest sitters is just being picky. They also aren't Christians and we are, though they respect us and would take the kids to church, etc.

 

I need to get my 2yo to sleep better at night. She wouldn't let my dh comfort her in her room last night. Even when I went in there she was fussy. She was calm once in our room. Maybe she should just sleep with my inlaws.

 

Anyways, I appreciate all the insight! I am leaning towards going. They will survive, right?! It would be exhausting for my in laws. Plus, the kids have been fighting all summer! The in laws may need to be creative.

 

I love the idea of going to Japan and being with hubby. My 2yo's ticket is full price minus $100. Not worth the extra money--especially since we would fly our in laws here.

 

Sorry if any errors. This phone is hard to type on! Can you tell I'm trying to convince myself to go?!

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M

Anyways, I appreciate all the insight! I am leaning towards going. They will survive, right?! It would be exhausting for my in laws. Plus, the kids have been fighting all summer! The in laws may need to be creative.

 

I love the idea of going to Japan and being with hubby. My 2yo's ticket is full price minus $100. Not worth the extra money--especially since we would fly our in laws here.

 

Sorry if any errors. This phone is hard to type on! Can you tell I'm trying to convince myself to go?!

 

Yes, and convincing yourself to go is the right thing!  Yes, your kids will absolutely survive, and will grow from the experience.  Don't give in to fear: learning to be without you for a week is good for them.

 

Bringing the 2-year old will convert a very special time for you and your husband into a neither here nor there responsibility slog (and will make the other kids jealous, besides).  I'd resist this suggestion.  Your 2 year old will be fine with grandma and grandpa. 

 

Spend a week getting to know your husband again, and exposing yourself to brand new experiences that neither of you have ever had.  JUMP IN WITH BOTH FEET, and have a great time.

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Heck yes! I'd go.

 

Is there any option of taking an assortment of kids with you? I'd go either way, but that might make it easier for you to decide.

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My in laws usually are taking care of other grand kids. Two young ones (3 and 5) and older ones are over a lot (10 and 13). They know my kids pretty well, seeing us twice a year. Even my 2yo loves them. We would never leave my kids with them at their home. They have a pool, not really supervising the other grand kids with lots of people around--too much freedom if you ask me.

 

At our home it would be different. And they are small town folk while we are in LA. They won't be as adventurous and I like that. Not the greatest definetly has to do with nasty junk food that I would never feed my kids and lots of tv. It's ok for a week. They wouldn't be allowed to spank, etc. my mil is very patient with little ones and I know she would lovingly comfort my 2yo at night. My 2yo also loves my 10yo dd and dd is very helpful with her. Not the greatest sitters is just being picky. They also aren't Christians and we are, though they respect us and would take the kids to church, etc.

 

I need to get my 2yo to sleep better at night. She wouldn't let my dh comfort her in her room last night. Even when I went in there she was fussy. She was calm once in our room. Maybe she should just sleep with my inlaws.

 

Anyways, I appreciate all the insight! I am leaning towards going. They will survive, right?! It would be exhausting for my in laws. Plus, the kids have been fighting all summer! The in laws may need to be creative.

 

I love the idea of going to Japan and being with hubby. My 2yo's ticket is full price minus $100. Not worth the extra money--especially since we would fly our in laws here.

 

Sorry if any errors. This phone is hard to type on! Can you tell I'm trying to convince myself to go?!

 

The bolded part above is the linchpin, IMO.

 

You WANT to go, despite the many possible reasons to say no. If you had all the same reasons to go/not go, but you said you just weren't sure you even wanted to do it, then I would say don't go since that would be your gut reaction.

 

But....you really want to go and are kind of getting the herd's (hive's) approval on it. Which isn't necessary, of course. :D

 

So, go. Because your in-laws will handle things just fine, your older kids can help, it's just a week, it's a fabulous experience. And because you really, really want to.

 

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I would, but only after all of my kids were big enough to not need me through the night.

My 11 year old neice still crawls in bed with her parents each night. For some, that time might be a long time away. . .

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I don't think there's any need to shame the naysayers for choosing not to go.

 

There are valid reasons some of us would not want to leave 2 year olds for a week. I think all of us who wouldn't have gone ourselves have been speaking only for ourselves.

 

I'm 44, so I'm not speaking from some hypothetical 'don't have a clue' generation.

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I wonder if it's an age thing? No. Probably not as some of the naysayers are posters who are my age or older.

 

For me, at 41, I'm remembering so many opportunities I missed because I thought they would come back around.

 

They don't always come back around. I've learned to jump on things when I have the chance.

 

Yeah, I'm almost a decade older than you and, while I wouldn't presume to tell another mom what she should and should not do, in response to the question asked -- would you go? -- I have said I would not.

 

I guess I look at it from the other angle, that I can't think of a single trip without my kids that I care about having missed. I'm sad that we weren't able to go some places as a family. I'm extremely disappointed that we never got around to taking my son on a Disney cruise when he was young enough to have gotten a kick out of it, for example. But not taking time away from them is not on my list of regrets. It's actually one of the things that, for my particular kids in our particular situation, I feel pretty certain I actually did right.

 

Family culture is different. Kids are different. But from the vantage point of being almost on the other side of full-time parenthood, that's what is true for me.

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I don't think there's any need to shame the naysayers for choosing not to go.

 

There are valid reasons some of us would not want to leave 2 year olds for a week. I think all of us who wouldn't have gone ourselves have been speaking only for ourselves.

 

I'm 44, so I'm not speaking from some hypothetical 'don't have a clue' generation.

 

Exactly. I was only answering the question directly and, *for me,* the answer is no, I wouldn't go. However, OP, if you are comfortable with it, then you should go! It will be an awesome, once-in-a-lifetime trip, and I'm sure you'll have a blast and your kids will be fine.

 

I have my own reasons I wouldn't leave my kids for a week while I was out of the country. Some of those reasons include some potentially scary health issues my children have. Some of those reasons are simply my own anxiety and comfort level (or lack thereof). Another is that my kids are still breastfeeding at two. But again...that's just me. My opinion of this scenario, hypothetically for myself, is not a judgement on anyone else's opinion of this scenario hypothetically for themselves.

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My in laws usually are taking care of other grand kids. Two young ones (3 and 5) and older ones are over a lot (10 and 13). They know my kids pretty well, seeing us twice a year. Even my 2yo loves them. We would never leave my kids with them at their home. They have a pool, not really supervising the other grand kids with lots of people around--too much freedom if you ask me.

At our home it would be different. And they are small town folk while we are in LA. They won't be as adventurous and I like that. Not the greatest definetly has to do with nasty junk food that I would never feed my kids and lots of tv. It's ok for a week. They wouldn't be allowed to spank, etc. my mil is very patient with little ones and I know she would lovingly comfort my 2yo at night. My 2yo also loves my 10yo dd and dd is very helpful with her. Not the greatest sitters is just being picky. They also aren't Christians and we are, though they respect us and would take the kids to church, etc.

I need to get my 2yo to sleep better at night. She wouldn't let my dh comfort her in her room last night. Even when I went in there she was fussy. She was calm once in our room. Maybe she should just sleep with my inlaws.

Anyways, I appreciate all the insight! I am leaning towards going. They will survive, right?! It would be exhausting for my in laws. Plus, the kids have been fighting all summer! The in laws may need to be creative.

I love the idea of going to Japan and being with hubby. My 2yo's ticket is full price minus $100. Not worth the extra money--especially since we would fly our in laws here.

Sorry if any errors. This phone is hard to type on! Can you tell I'm trying to convince myself to go?!

The more you post about your 2yo, the more I think you shouldn't go.

 

The problem isn't just an upset 2yo -- which on its own would be enough to keep me at home.

 

The bigger issue is that it is incredibly unfair to leave 5 young children with grandparents that they only see twice a year, and expect the grandparents to have to deal with what may very well be a completely inconsolable 2yo for an entire week.

 

And let's face it, the other kids are 4, 6, 8, and 10. Any one of them -- or all of them -- could be very upset about you and your dh both being away for so long, and knowing you can't just pop right back if they need you. It's not like they see these grandparents several times a week -- twice a year isn't really all that often, and your kids might not feel comfortable being with them for all that time without you being there.

 

Obviously, you know your children and I don't, but it seemed like you wanted to hear both the positives and the negatives about whether or not to go, so that's why I'm posting how I would feel.

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Catwoman, when I read about how Grandma would lovingly comfort the 2 year old, I came to the opposite conclusion!   :lol:

 

I wouldn't have gone on a trip like that when my kids were those ages.  And I did have the opportunity which I turned down.  A few years later we did go overseas on a mission trip plus a trip to see the relatives in the "old country" but we took the kids with us.  But I had ILs who were really not suitable as babysitters.  And my parents were too far away and not in good enough physical shape to help out.  And my kids were really sensitive and it really would have hurt them to have left them.  Plus I was still nursing at age 2 or at least in the process of weaning.  But the OPs circumstances seem to be different and perhaps more suited to this sort of trip than mine were.  

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Catwoman, when I read about how Grandma would lovingly comfort the 2 year old, I came to the opposite conclusion! :lol:

 

I wouldn't have gone on a trip like that when my kids were those ages. And I did have the opportunity which I turned down. A few years later we did go overseas on a mission trip plus a trip to see the relatives in the "old country" but we took the kids with us. But I had ILs who were really not suitable as babysitters. And my parents were too far away and not in good enough physical shape to help out. And my kids were really sensitive and it really would have hurt them to have left them. Plus I was still nursing at age 2 or at least in the process of weaning. But the OPs circumstances seem to be different and perhaps more suited to this sort of trip than mine were.

:lol:

 

I was looking at it from the perspective that even LAmom's own dh couldn't comfort the 2yo, and that's what worried me. If the child's own dad can't calm her down, Grandma and Grandpa might not stand a chance! And a week is a LONG time for Grandma and Grandpa to have to dread bedtime every night.

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I spent 2 weeks out of the country when my youngest was 3 with my then 14yo and her friend babysitting during the day while dh was at work. The original plan was that dh would go with me and my parents would come and babysit, though that part fell through. My parents only see my kids once or twice a year as well, and while they wouldn't be "me", my kids love them and they would be taken care of.

 

If I were you I'd go in a heartbeat. Your 2yo might be fussy, but I don't think she will be traumatized. I'm guessing the grandparents have enough sense about them to care for your kids or you wouldn't even consider it, would you?

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I would not be able to leave the two year old. That is not the right answer for everyone, but I would not enjoy it, particularly given that you describe the in laws as not the best caretakers.

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:lol:

 

I was looking at it from the perspective that even LAmom's own dh couldn't comfort the 2yo, and that's what worried me. If the child's own dad can't calm her down, Grandma and Grandpa might not stand a chance! And a week is a LONG time for Grandma and Grandpa to have to dread bedtime every night.

When my kids were two, they wouldn't let dad calm them down either, knowing I was in the other room. They'd hold out to wait for me. Now, if I weren't around the child would settle down just fine.

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I say go! I've never left my own for an entire week and they are 12 and 14, but you've been given an incredible opportunity, your babysitters are willing and able, and you want to do it. I think if you don't go that you will regret it.

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I think you should go.  You obviously want to, and the kids will be fine.  Even if the two-year-old is fussy at night and has to sleep in the big bed with the ILs, it's only a week.  It's kind of sad that so many other posters think both kids and grandparents will be miserable having to spend a week together.  We only visit two or three times a year, but my mom and stepdad and my dd would all be delighted if I took off and they all got to hang out for a week.

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:lol:

 

I was looking at it from the perspective that even LAmom's own dh couldn't comfort the 2yo, and that's what worried me. If the child's own dad can't calm her down, Grandma and Grandpa might not stand a chance! And a week is a LONG time for Grandma and Grandpa to have to dread bedtime every night.

Often, someone else other than mom or dad can calm a child quicker. It is like the child has a routine with his/her parents. OP might come to find all the dc have a more streamlined bedtime routine. It won't damage the dc. My dc learned early on grandparents had different styles and they could expect different thing from grandma than from mom. I learned early on to accept that. For example at two my ds was permitted to carry around a box of cookies (for hours, wherever he played) at grandma's. He wasn't in any danger and he understood mommy wasn't going to let him do that. No big deal.

 

I would advise going even if op has trouble improving the two year old's bedtime. Now, the op and her dh are stressed about improving bedtime. The two year old is going to sense that. It may be a total change of bedtime structure is just what she needs.

 

I think the op should go. She should have a few play dates set up to give the grandparents a break. She should leave them phone numbers of people who can come over and play a bit if the grandparents decide they need another break.

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