Carolinagirl1 Posted August 2, 2014 Share Posted August 2, 2014 We moved to our area when my daughter was only a year old. That was 8 years ago. We now have 2 kids. When they were little, we did the playgroup thing but most of those kids have gone to school and I've lost touch with their moms. I've met friends through church but the other women my age all work full time with kids in school. The other homeschool parents in my area are really nice, and we do go for field trips and activities, but I find it hard to make the time to put out the effort to socialize and develop deeper friendships with other moms. By the time our school work and lessons are done for the day, I am just beat. Then it is time for supper, and I go for a run, then it is time for bed. Most weekends we travel for sports and to visit family 3 hours away (aging parents). I know there are some nice people in my area that I could develop friendships with if I could just put out the time and effort, but I am so exhausted after homeschooling and tending to family that I can't even think of making the effort to develop deeper friendships with the acquaintances that I have. But I am lonely and having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I don't even have one close friend in the town where I live - even after living here for 8 years! When do you find time to socialize and actually develop deeper friendships? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted August 2, 2014 Share Posted August 2, 2014 Hm. I'm not nearly as busy as you are. :) I socialize by having a friend (and her kids) over during the day... or by meeting one for dessert in the evening. I socialize at church. I keep up with my friends regularly. Idk, I feel like I have plenty of time for it. We go to church Sunday morning and Wednesday nights. I usually work Monday nights, Saturday mornings, and 1-3 of: Thursday nights, Friday nights, and Sunday nights, but only til 8. There's time after that if I wanted to do something. If I want to and have the time off for it, we go shopping (maybe a couple times a year). When I go to the homeschool convention it's basically a big social event for me. I'm an extrovert and I love being busy. Maybe that makes a difference? Only recently have I enjoyed being at home much, especially in the evenings when I don't *have* to. I like having somewhere to go, something to do as many nights of the week as possible. I can't say I'd love being out really late every night (past 10, which isn't really late but gives me time to still come home and veg in front of the screen :lol: ) but once or twice a week doesn't bother me. During certain times of year I'm much more busy than others - about to come up on the busy time of year coming in September/October, with the Christmas musical season looming. I love the schedule that's involved in that (and socialize plenty then, too! ;) ) and could probably live that way year round. But anyway, DH is more of the 'enjoy being at home' type and I guess he's rubbed off on me a little. Sometimes I do just like to stay home, but honestly, there's nothing to do here. :lol: I also don't get up early. I'm a total night owl and have been my entire life. I can be up til the wee hours of the morning and never feel tired. At the same time, I can go to bed early but still not be ready to get up til 9:30-10. So that makes everything shift later in the day for me, making 8pm not an unusual time for me to go out for dessert with a friend or show up to Bible study. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted August 2, 2014 Share Posted August 2, 2014 We have some " couple friends" that we go out to dinner or have over. Our social lives are mostly kid stuff which bothers me but not dh. Our other problem is most couples our age are empty nesters while we still have a 6 yo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Strawberry Posted August 2, 2014 Share Posted August 2, 2014 I make time. At least once a week, I try to get us all together with friends, go to a homeschool event, have someone over to visit. We try to get me out of the house one evening a month for knitting group. I don't always want to go, so I don't go, but I have the option. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted August 2, 2014 Share Posted August 2, 2014 Socialize? I really, really don't like to do that. :ack2: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hjffkj Posted August 2, 2014 Share Posted August 2, 2014 I have 2 close friends who I see at least every other week. They don't home school but are home with younger children so we hang out when everyone else is working! At least once every 3 months we go out at night without the kids. If they ever go back to work I imagine the hanging out every few months will be the majority of our time together. Its just not convenient in my life right now to schedule things with people during hours that my dh is not working. He works so much that most none working hours are for family time and time with just him. We do invite groups of ppl over for board game nights every few months. Most of those ppl have older kids who can stay home alone or don't have kids at all so we just invite them over after our kids are in bed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted August 2, 2014 Share Posted August 2, 2014 The other homeschool parents in my area are really nice, and we do go for field trips and activities, but I find it hard to make the time to put out the effort to socialize and develop deeper friendships with other moms. This is it. If it's not important to you you won't do it. It's okay if you don't feel like it right now. However, in answer to your question, I invite friends over and we hang out while the kids play. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 I socialize at church, and at a 3hr class I take once a week during the traditional school year. Then I also make time on Sat am or sometimes during the week before I start work in the am, to go for a walk with a df or have someone over for coffee. I used to make time weekly in the evening for a deeper kind of friendship--Cursillo reunion group. Those deep connections paid off; when we stopped "grouping," we maintained the friendships and now get together when we can. I understand being tired, though. Maybe it's just a season in your life, but if you want a deep friendship, you can have one. You just need to give something up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 We moved to our area when my daughter was only a year old. That was 8 years ago. We now have 2 kids. When they were little, we did the playgroup thing but most of those kids have gone to school and I've lost touch with their moms. I've met friends through church but the other women my age all work full time with kids in school. The other homeschool parents in my area are really nice, and we do go for field trips and activities, but I find it hard to make the time to put out the effort to socialize and develop deeper friendships with other moms. By the time our school work and lessons are done for the day, I am just beat. Then it is time for supper, and I go for a run, then it is time for bed. Most weekends we travel for sports and to visit family 3 hours away (aging parents). I know there are some nice people in my area that I could develop friendships with if I could just put out the time and effort, but I am so exhausted after homeschooling and tending to family that I can't even think of making the effort to develop deeper friendships with the acquaintances that I have. But I am lonely and having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I don't even have one close friend in the town where I live - even after living here for 8 years! When do you find time to socialize and actually develop deeper friendships? See, the activities you're doing are the same kinds I did and counted as "socializing." :-) Some of those things resulted in friendships that have lasted over the years; some did not. If by "socializing" you mean "going out for coffee together just the two of us," that almost never happened in my life until my children were all grown and gone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ali in OR Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 But we're homeschoolers. It's okay to be bad at socialization. :001_smile: It's hard. I'm an introvert, I have a disabled kid that needs care, kids have busy schedules, everyone else has busy schedules. I like structured socialization, like my book club. I know when we'll meet, how long, where, what we'll do, how long it will last, and that food will be involved. Perfect! Doing one-on-one and asking people to do stuff are much harder for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carolinagirl1 Posted August 3, 2014 Author Share Posted August 3, 2014 See, the activities you're doing are the same kinds I did and counted as "socializing." :-) Some of those things resulted in friendships that have lasted over the years; some did not. If by "socializing" you mean "going out for coffee together just the two of us," that almost never happened in my life until my children were all grown and gone. Yes, that is sort of what I mean by "socializing" - spending time with friends outside of a formally organized event. I do spend time at church events, field trips, and events where a lot of people are invited, but I am just lacking that good friend(s) that I can call just to chit chat or shop with (not that there is a lot of time for that), or in case of an emergency. It just seems that no matter how well I get along with people at an event, it just hasn't developed into deeper friendships. A lot of my friends know my family, and a lot about me personally, but I would not feel comfortable calling them to meet for lunch or whatever. I never had much of a problem before I had kids - plenty of friends through work and college, so maybe it is just a season. Or I suppose you all are right, I just need to sacrifice something or maybe step out of my comfort zone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 I have 3 really good homeschool mom friends. The relationships built up over the years through play dates at each others houses. This year, I organized a "co-op" for the 4 families where our dc did a writing program together, and we extended the session to include pot-luck lunch. It was wonderful for the moms and the dc to visit, though there were 6 boys aged 7 - 11 (plus two quiet girls), so the noise and energy was dynamite! We later hired one of the mom's older daughters to teach the group Latin. This was way better, as the moms could go outside for a walk and talk, while someone else got the pleasure of reining in all that energy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carolinagirl1 Posted August 3, 2014 Author Share Posted August 3, 2014 I'm an extrovert and I love being busy. Maybe that makes a difference? I'm sure that makes a difference. While I am friendly and don't have difficulty talking to people, I am a little introverted, which is probably why I don't take the initiative to make more plans with people, other than the fact that I am tired late in the day and the thought of planning a get together or putting out the effort makes me even more tired. Your life sounds like fun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 That word, "socialize", I think I heard of it a long time ago. I am fuzzy anymore on what that entails! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 I spend time with friends even when I don't want to and am too tired to. I know that I need to have friends or I'll get sad and lonely, so I make it happen. I have a group of friends who would meet at one person's house every other Wednesday. We'd meet at 11:00 and stay until whenever. The hostess (it was always the same person) would get up early (she's an early bird) and toss a soup into the crock pot. By the time 11 arrived, soup was done. When the kids were little, we'd eat as we could around the toddlers, and now that mine is the youngest (at 9), the kids amuse themselves while we chat and eat. Most of them are in school, only a couple of us homeschool. Soup Day stopped last year when our hostess got a job and everyone else filled soup time with other things. But we miss each other, so we go out on a Friday night for everyone's birthdays. Chinese buffets are great for this. We arrive, eat, and then linger forever (like until they kick us out because they're closing up.) We pay for the Birthday Girl's meal. We have about 8 of these a year. This was an awesome way to make friends. The kid were happy, the women were happy, and we started inviting each other to things with husbands and now we have a strong circle of friendships. If I were you, I'd start a Soup Day of your own. Just keep inviting people to your house with their kids for Soup at a set time. Every other week is great, or every month. The only problem is if people won't come because they're homeschooling. If that's the case, maybe have a monthly girls night out (or in) where you keep inviting people to do something with you (Dessert Day) once a month in the evening when Dad can watch the kids. My family has recently become friends with another family and we make ourselves visit each other every weekend. I know they're exhausted and we're exhausted, but it doesn't matter. We get together anyway. We eat dinner, the kids run around, we have loud conversations (over kid noise) in the kitchen, and then we go home. Each weekend we message each other, "Friday night, Saturday night, or Sunday afternoon?" and we get together one of those times. Every weekend. I've found that consistency with the same group of people is what builds strong friendships. Two of my soup friends have become very close because they both ran tiny little daycares in their home and would bring their daycare kids to each other's houses a couple of times a week to share daycare duties. If you can find a "thing" that you can consistently do with the same people where you can have conversations with them across a table, your friendships will start to deepen. But you have to do it even when you're exhausted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
strange_girl Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 Socialize? I really, really don't like to do that. :ack2: I can't like this post enough! :D This is me, all over. Such an introvert. This summer has been hard on me...swim lessons, library reading program, playing with friends at the park...I can't wait for the school year to start so we can be nice and isolated again, lol. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carolinagirl1 Posted August 3, 2014 Author Share Posted August 3, 2014 I've found that consistency with the same group of people is what builds strong friendships. Two of my soup friends have become very close because they both ran tiny little daycares in their home and would bring their daycare kids to each other's houses a couple of times a week to share daycare duties. If you can find a "thing" that you can consistently do with the same people where you can have conversations with them across a table, your friendships will start to deepen. But you have to do it even when you're exhausted. That is such good advice!! ETA: That is a quote above, from Garga, not sure how I lost the quote box. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Closeacademy Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 When my oldest was in 2nd grade another mom and I started a homeschool playgroup that met once a week. It has been a wonderful place for not only me to make friends but for my children to make friends and build relationships as well. Now that the oldest children are entering High School we still meet so that we can all have that social contact. For my kids, we also do things through the local library and we joined a co-op. For me, I work part-time and I also hang out once a week at my local yarn shop while my youngest is in violin lessons. I also have some close friendship with some people online that I met through ravelry (a social site for knitters, crocheters and other fiber artist). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 I socialize with you guys, doesn't that count? Ram Man rolls his eyes when he comes in and sees me on the ipad. "Playing with your imaginary friends again, I see," is his usual comment. Socialization? I don't need no stinkin' socialization! I have Hive Power! I have kilt, cupcake, and kerfuffle love! What more do I need to prove that I am a well balanced, respected citizen in my community? :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 Yes, that is sort of what I mean by "socializing" - spending time with friends outside of a formally organized event. I do spend time at church events, field trips, and events where a lot of people are invited, but I am just lacking that good friend(s) that I can call just to chit chat or shop with (not that there is a lot of time for that), or in case of an emergency. It just seems that no matter how well I get along with people at an event, it just hasn't developed into deeper friendships. A lot of my friends know my family, and a lot about me personally, but I would not feel comfortable calling them to meet for lunch or whatever. I never had much of a problem before I had kids - plenty of friends through work and college, so maybe it is just a season. Or I suppose you all are right, I just need to sacrifice something or maybe step out of my comfort zone. Well, I understand that you are feeling bereft of socialization, but honestly, I don't know anyone with school-age children who does that kind of thing. :-) I did chat with friends on the phone, and there were some pretty meaty conversations at park days while the children played, but shopping together, or lunch with just us...that never happened. It is a season. Life does change when there are children. I have been an empty-nester for close to 20 years now; the time when life revolved around children and family-related activities was only a short chapter in my life. :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 What sorts of things do you like to do? Do you like cards or Boggle or anything like that? Actually, I socialize quite a bit; at yoga, church, Ds10´s soccer practice, visiting with neighbors at the pool. DH and I take family, friends, and kids out on our old ski boat almost every weekend in the summer and have a great time. It's just that I really cherish alone time, reading a book, taking a walk, etc... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flowing Brook Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 My problem is I can't find anyone to socialize with. It seems everyone is too busy. I honestly don't have any friends. I really miss that. Sometimes I do wonder if it is me. Seems everywhere I go everyone is best buddies with everyone else. I just don't know how to stop feeling like a outsider? Sorry did not mean to make this about me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 We moved to our area when my daughter was only a year old. That was 8 years ago. We now have 2 kids. When they were little, we did the playgroup thing but most of those kids have gone to school and I've lost touch with their moms. I've met friends through church but the other women my age all work full time with kids in school. The other homeschool parents in my area are really nice, and we do go for field trips and activities, but I find it hard to make the time to put out the effort to socialize and develop deeper friendships with other moms. By the time our school work and lessons are done for the day, I am just beat. Then it is time for supper, and I go for a run, then it is time for bed. Most weekends we travel for sports and to visit family 3 hours away (aging parents). I know there are some nice people in my area that I could develop friendships with if I could just put out the time and effort, but I am so exhausted after homeschooling and tending to family that I can't even think of making the effort to develop deeper friendships with the acquaintances that I have. But I am lonely and having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I don't even have one close friend in the town where I live - even after living here for 8 years! When do you find time to socialize and actually develop deeper friendships? Well, here's an idea that a friend and I developed that might work for you. We were seeing each other once a week in the evenings, I would drive up 1/2hr (I live in the deeeep country) going to Burger King (because ours has a sitting room) or Starbucks. Now we go to Planet Fitness. It's only 10/mth, (less than I was spending at other places) and there's a sitting area. We work out for about 90 minutes and then we hang out for a while, eat a smoothie (that I bring from home) and have a shower and I head home. I only go the 1x a week (its too far from where I live to go daily, and I run during the week anyway) but it's still cheaper than a weekly trip to Starbucks. Maybe you could get a group of homeschool moms to do something like that with you? If you did PF like us, you could incorporate that into your running week as a different workout (I run that morning, and do light cardio and weight training at PF that evening), and get some social time. Lots of moms are looking for exercise, and $10/mth is as cheap as it gets for a weekly social outing (even if they never go the rest of the week). If that doesn't appeal, how about starting a weekly play afternoon? Have everyone get together at a park and bring the kids (who probably also want to make friends) and just block it into your week. I would do Fri afternoon to motivate the kids to finish their schoolwork, but whatever you want it what you should do. Or if you have a hobby that you might share with others, start a group. Book group? Knitting group? Quilting circle? But here's the thing about finding time to do things: You have to be willing to give something up. You have the same 24 hrs that you always have had. You are currently filling them. So you have to figure out what you are willing to give up to make that happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chepyl Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 We go to co-op once a week. There is a mom's room with snacks. We hang out and chat. That same group has monthly mom's night outs. I go when I can. We also have playdates, we go occasionally. We also do a monthly field trip. This is all with the same group. We have made a lot of great friends doing this. As far as other socialization...we had a church small group and we see them every now and then - they all moved :( But we have a very large family and we spend a lot of time with DH's siblings. They are our closest friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted August 3, 2014 Share Posted August 3, 2014 My kids are older, so I have more time to socialize. When they were younger, I did perhaps one Mom's Night Out a month with a group of moms. Other than that, the kids were usually there, and I socialized at the park, on playdates, etc. Now, as a couple, we socialize about once a week with different groups of friends (not the same group/couple each week). On my own, I might do lunch/coffee once a week with a friend, and have a girls night once every week or two with friends. Just depends. Dh works a normal M-F day job but also teaches two nights per week. It's usually one of those nights that I might do something with friends. I have a great need to socialize, so I make the time for it. I'm at point where I don't need sitters, and constant supervision is not required (or good for them). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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