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Joanne
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I liked the article, but I think different people/families can have different boundaries and still be "sex-positive."

I didn't care for the article bc it had too many false correlations.

 

But I consider my home sex positive. No one here is ashamed of their bodies or feeling lied to either.

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Interesting perspective. I think perhaps her kids are very interested (and very well informed) about sex *because* of the author/parent's personal interest and focus on this issue.

 

I'm not sex-negative, but I talk about things in a much more casual and less comprehensive way. My kids are not showing any more interest in knowing about reproduction than they are about gardening, sidewalk art, or how trampolines work.

 

My limits around genital play are identical to my limits around putting your fingers in your mouth and nose (not around others, and remember to wash). It's a moist bodily opening (girls) so if makes perfect sense to them.

 

But I don't go into spontaneous detailed explain actions of sinuses, saliva, mucosa, digestion, dentition, and the immune system at the drop of a hat... Sure, maybe occasionally, just like I occasionally mention reproduction.

 

I'm not sure that sex-positive really needs to mean "all the information, as soon as it can possibly be delivered." That might just be a matter of personal style.

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Am I the only one who is wondering how old this woman's children are?

 

It sounds like she thinks she's quite the expert, but if her children are still very young, she really hasn't a clue as to how she will handle things as they get older.

 

I knew everything when my ds was 4, too, but with each passing year, I realize just how arrogant I really was...

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I don't think there is any need to shame people for not being older than they are. It's not like life experience *thus far* is worth nothing or none of us would be "qualified" until we're dead. Nowhere did she *say* she knew everything, so why assume arrogance instead of "I think this ought to turn out better than I got when I was a kid."

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I don't think there is any need to shame people for not being older than they are. It's not like life experience *thus far* is worth nothing or none of us would be "qualified" until we're dead. Nowhere did she *say* she knew everything, so why assume arrogance instead of "I think this ought to turn out better than I got when I was a kid."

I dont care how old she is; I care about how much experience she has as a parent, and whether or not she has any other qualifications.

 

She certainly seemed to be patting herself on the back, and based on the title of her article, it seems that she believes she has the definitive definition of "sex positive parenting." It would be nice to know if she has any qualifications or experience to back up her knowing statements.

 

If her only experience is that she is a mom of young children, she hasn't a clue what she will say to her kids when they get older, so actually I do view her as being either arrogant or naive. I'm not sure, because it's hard to read a person's tone in a written article.

 

EDITED TO ADD: According to her blog, the author's oldest child is 3 years old. She is the mother of 3yo twins and a baby.

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Am I the only one who is wondering how old this woman's children are?

 

It sounds like she thinks she's quite the expert, but if her children are still very young, she really hasn't a clue as to how she will handle things as they get older.

 

I knew everything when my ds was 4, too, but with each passing year, I realize just how arrogant I really was...

 

I too have flashes of that daily.  I was an expert on parenting when my kids were younger.  Really I was the biggest expert before I had kids ...

 

Now I realize I'm a fool.  

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What does it matter to you? You know you are older and more qualified, so a friendly "good on you, love, give it your best" doesn't require much in the way of generosity from you. I didn't detect arrogance from her post, and in my experience arrogance isn't limited to the young and it isn't any more or less attractive no matter what one's age. Tell me what good comes from telling young mums they are not big enough for the big girls club? Tell me what good comes from denigrating someone who is trying to be a good mum? There are enough threads around here on dole bludgers, non-schoolers and any number of other people who don't seem to be bothering much. This one is and she's not completely missing the mark.

 

 

None of us are fools. We are people who are doing the best we can with what we know so far, and reaching out to others in case what we know might be of use to someone else. 

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What does it matter to you? You know you are older and more qualified, so a friendly "good on you, love, give it your best" doesn't require much in the way of generosity from you. I didn't detect arrogance from her post, and in my experience arrogance isn't limited to the young and it isn't any more or less attractive no matter what one's age. Tell me what good comes from telling young mums they are not big enough for the big girls club? Tell me what good comes from denigrating someone who is trying to be a good mum? There are enough threads around here on dole bludgers, non-schoolers and any number of other people who don't seem to be bothering much. This one is and she's not completely missing the mark.

 

 

None of us are fools. We are people who are doing the best we can with what we know so far, and reaching out to others in case what we know might be of use to someone else.

Not for anything, Rosie, but you seem awfully emotional about this.

 

I'm just as entitled to my opinion about the woman's article as you are, and FWIW, you seem to be judging me far more than I'm judging that woman.

 

Clearly, we will have to agree to disagree.

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I too have flashes of that daily. I was an expert on parenting when my kids were younger. Really I was the biggest expert before I had kids ...

 

Now I realize I'm a fool.

The older my kids and I get, the more I realize I'm taking much of my parenting one day at a time. Rules cast in stone get pushed to the side when confronted with reality.

 

But my kids are pretty cool people and I like talking to them (most days). So we all muddle through together.

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You are just as entitled to your opinion about that article as I am, and you have nicely sidestepped the questions I raised.

Frankly, I didn't bother to answer your questions because I have already made my opinions about the article and its author abundantly clear, and saw no reason to further clarify myself.

 

You may be looking for a fight this evening, but I'm not.

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You are just as entitled to your opinion about that article as I am, and you have nicely sidestepped the questions I raised.

Experience does matter to some, catwoman for one. If not to you, then that's fine. Free world and all that.

 

I don't think catwoman was being ungenerous or unkind in pointing out, "hey this woman has a couple of 3 year olds and a baby. Come back and tell us how we ought to be doing things your way in 10+ years when we can see a bit more of how your way turned out so much better than ours."

 

I tend to agree with her.

 

But mostly I thought the woman was making a big deal out of nothing for a 3 year old and her correlations of those who don't handle it her way are unfounded.

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My mom rarely talked to me about sex, but this article describes her general attitude when she did.  IE, bodies and touching them are nothing to be ashamed of, having sex is a decision you make when you are ready to have it, are going to have it with someone who treats you respectfully and truly cares about and vice versa, and you can handle getting on birth control and using condoms, and that having sex is personal decision that only I could make for me and not to be made for any other reason than I was ready and wanted it.  Which is probably why she equally hated abstinence pledges and Dan who took me to Homecoming. 

 

She might have a went a little overboard on the "If you get pregnant by this jackass you will be tied to him and his  family for 18 years and IS THAT REALLY WHAT YOU WANT?!?"  OTOH, she was right and Dan got dumped.  He follows the Insane Clown Posse now. 

 

She is not a Christian and I was not raised one, so I'll have to figure out how I want to handle older kid stuff down the road.  For now, the article doesn't seem all that big of a deal to me?  Pretty normal in my world, I guess.

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I find it interesting how everyone thinks they have "sex positive" homes. Clearly we're not all having the same conversations. The data Queen brings to this thread show a very important correlation between what our children and teens learn at home and the rate of unwanted pregnancy. I suspect this mother who shamed her son in her public web column thinks she has a "sex-positive" home, too. Check out how "positive" she undoubtedly feels while simultaneously giving her son anything but a positive message (and by extension, those children whose parents will take this article as sage advice):

 

 

I told him that what he had seen wasnĂ¢â‚¬â„¢t normal, wasnĂ¢â‚¬â„¢t real sexuality.  I explained, for the first time, in explicit but appropriate terms, exactly what sex is and what it is for, and that itĂ¢â‚¬â„¢s something God wants us to save for marriage so that all the babies who come from sex will have moms and dads to love them and raise them.  I asked him if he thought he was gay.  He said he didnĂ¢â‚¬â„¢t know.  I pointed out that all his crushes have been on girls, and that seemed to reassure him.  I told him it was normal to be curious about peopleĂ¢â‚¬â„¢s bodies and about sex, but that if he ever has questions, he needs to ask me or his dad, not Siri or Google. 

 

I think the breakdown will undoubtedly be where one falls on the spectrum of accepting non traditional gender orientation and identity. Those who feel conventional gender roles are appropriate, and that maintaining these conventional expectations are somehow tied in to one's ultimate sense of value will likely feel that "sex positive" includes maintaining a conservative expectation. Those who feel that maintaining conventional gender roles do not have to be correlated with one's ultimate sense of value will likely fell that "sex positive" includes maintaining an openness to modifying these conventional expectations. 

 

Anyway, I think like with any other question about human behavior, anecdotal stories and personal experiences are nice to have, but compiling the personal stories of hundreds and thousands of people over a variety of cultures and circumstances, as well as collecting objective data, are a far more reliable indicator of which approach ultimately provides the greater potential for the kind of self value and self esteem we generally want our kids to have. I don't know if anyone has compiled such a specific study, but various studies show that the conservative approach to expectation of specific, traditional gender roles is not conducive to long term self-reported value or esteem. Creating a family environment that expects conventional gender roles to be embraced and valued by kids isn't "sex positive" for those children who will find themselves unable to comply through no fault of their own. 

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http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5516707?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

 

I was lucky enough to have a family member (not a parent but a role model) foster a sex positive environment for me.

 

I raised my kids similarly to the author of the article.

 

I was raised this way and have raised mine this way.  Honestly, it had never occurred to me that it was unusual or worthy of an article.....

 

L

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Am I the only one who is wondering how old this woman's children are?

 

It sounds like she thinks she's quite the expert, but if her children are still very young, she really hasn't a clue as to how she will handle things as they get older.

 

I knew everything when my ds was 4, too, but with each passing year, I realize just how arrogant I really was...

I completely see cat's point here. From my experience and of many others around me, we were all perfect parents when we were young and inexperienced. If you've never noticed, those who REALLY have strong opinions havent actually had children at all. I'm not saying that her ideas are bad or unworthy of sharing. At the same time, one of the biggest mistakes I made in parenting was blindly following the advice of a young, inexperienced mom of two small girls. She was confident and had an incredible amount of knowledge. You can read about flying a plane all day long but that doesn't make you a pilot. I just cringe when moms with young kids give parenting advice. Why? Because I had it all figured out too when I was in their position....cringe. I was wrong about so many things!

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I tend to agree that if your oldest kid is 3 you cannot tell other people they are doing sex education wrong based on your own parenting experience.

 

I have two daughters close in age.  Unless you have an only child, you have to guide them not just regarding their own body, but boundaries with respect to others' bodies.  Sometimes you have to say "no" IMO.

 

Also, in my opinion she can take her "we" and stuff it, LOL.

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I don't have a problem with the writer giving an opinion. The article is specifically an opinion piece. I can evaluate how much weight to give various opinions. I like to understand different perspectives. The author may not have experience as a parent, but she does have experience being raised a certain way. That may be the reason she's chosen a particular approach with her family.

 

On this issue, I tried to raise my dc somewhat this way. It is an approach so much better than the one used on me. My mother didn't discuss anything "down there" and if you pestered her with a question or two that was grounds some punishment. Judy Blume was my very incomplete source of info as I got to middle school age.

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Eh, my kids grew up on a farm... a pony breeding farm.  There's little they haven't known as the questions started young and got answered young.  We did caution them about what to say - and not say - in public though.  I still feel that's better than having youngsters going around talking about things that shouldn't be appropriate everywhere with every audience.

 

They also know mom/dad's Christian values, but it's 100% up to them if they choose to call those values their own or not regarding their personal lives.

 

I'd trust the advice of a mom with a 3 year old for advice based upon her personal experience up until that age, but not for anything more than that.  I also know that my oldest at 3 was different than my middle at 3 who was different than my youngest at 3...

 

So, I suppose I'm on the side that figures she doesn't really know what she's doing in a broader sense yet.  None of us did when our oldest kid was that age, but I suspect we all thought we did!  ;)

 

There's nothing in the article that makes me wish we'd done any differently.

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I don't get why that makes a house sex positive.

 

I have boys. I tell them not to do certain things at certain times including playing with penises or picking noses. That is not sex positive it is basic manners.

 

I have told ds7 roughly what happens in sex. He forgot the first time so it can't have made that much impression. The both know about menstruation and a number of other things. I don't see this as needing a name it is just part of teaching your child. And I don't tell them Santa et al are real - we just play the Santa game.

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I didn't finish the article.  I read enough to get the basic idea and stopped when I got to her presumptuous "parents lie" paragraph.  Actually, we don't.  We are honest with our kids with everything as much as humanly possible.  We don't do the whole Santa thing or the Easter bunny.  When we want to have an adult conversation with no kids present with the neighbors, we tell them so. When we don't have a good answer to "why," we tell them that too. We tell them the truth.  When my husband had "the talk" with our older boys, he didn't tell them any lies.  He told them that sex is awesome but it's something they should save for marriage because that's what God wants us to do according to the Bible. (Obviously he said a lot more, but you all know how sex works :lol: ). I don't see why this needs a name.  Teaching your kids not to play with themselves at the dinner table is just common courtesy, isn't it? 

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I didn't care for the article bc it had too many false correlations.

 

But I consider my home sex positive. No one here is ashamed of their bodies or feeling lied to either.

Yeah, I didn't love the article. My mom never said, "sex is scary don't do it". She was more like, "hormones are powerful, be aware". She taught me that God made us that way but He also gave us regulations. She said there has to be a standard, and the standard can't be "do whatever feels good" because a lot of things that feel good ATM, yield horrible consequences.

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Interesting perspective. I think perhaps her kids are very interested (and very well informed) about sex *because* of the author/parent's personal interest and focus on this issue.

 

I'm not sex-negative, but I talk about things in a much more casual and less comprehensive way. My kids are not showing any more interest in knowing about reproduction than they are about gardening, sidewalk art, or how trampolines work.

 

My limits around genital play are identical to my limits around putting your fingers in your mouth and nose (not around others, and remember to wash). It's a moist bodily opening (girls) so if makes perfect sense to them.

 

But I don't go into spontaneous detailed explain actions of sinuses, saliva, mucosa, digestion, dentition, and the immune system at the drop of a hat... Sure, maybe occasionally, just like I occasionally mention reproduction.

 

I'm not sure that sex-positive really needs to mean "all the information, as soon as it can possibly be delivered." That might just be a matter of personal style.

 

I kind of look at things differently too because we farm

 

My kids understand biology. They understand reproduction. They understand that sex makes babies. They know that we keep our young heifers separate from the bull because they are not ready to have babies yet.  As a Christian family, we talk about why God has set up rules for us about sex and many other human instinctual urges.

 

I don't know if that's sex positive or not. It's just how we, matter of factly, deal with the topic.

 

And yes, they've seen "the act" with our animals, many times, and for them, it's a non issue. They pretty much roll their eyes and come in and say, "Hey mom, #14 is in heat. Want to mark that on the calendar?"

 

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I didn't find anything remarkable in the article except the author's self-congratulatory attitude, which is obviously a subjective judgement on my part.  It really did come across to me as "I'm so cool and so smart and way more advanced in my thinking than most parents."   But where she really lost me was with:   "...Telling them that sex is "only something that happens when two people love each other very much" is a lie..."  and again at "It's teaching them that sex happens, whether people always make good choices or not.."

 

Sex doesn't "happen."  The various acts of sexual expression are things people do.   Saying "sex happens" takes responsibility away.  I don't think that is very sex-positive.

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I didn't finish the article.  I read enough to get the basic idea and stopped when I got to her presumptuous "parents lie" paragraph.  Actually, we don't.  We are honest with our kids with everything as much as humanly possible.  We don't do the whole Santa thing or the Easter bunny.  When we want to have an adult conversation with no kids present with the neighbors, we tell them so. When we don't have a good answer to "why," we tell them that too. We tell them the truth.  When my husband had "the talk" with our older boys, he didn't tell them any lies.  He told them that sex is awesome but it's something they should save for marriage because that's what God wants us to do according to the Bible. (Obviously he said a lot more, but you all know how sex works :lol: ). I don't see why this needs a name.  Teaching your kids not to play with themselves at the dinner table is just common courtesy, isn't it? 

 

It needs a name because someone somewhere needs a research grant, a thesis,....

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She might have a went a little overboard on the "If you get pregnant by this jackass you will be tied to him and his family for 18 years and IS THAT REALLY WHAT YOU WANT?!?" OTOH, she was right and Dan got dumped. He follows the Insane Clown Posse now.

 

 

I'm not a huge fan of abstinence pledges myself, even though I very much agree with the sentiment, because I think they're often made for the wrong reasons and without a solid understanding of what the end goal really is. (Maybe they help kids who might otherwise have more casual sex to think a bit more; I don't know. I never considered it, and my situation was completely different from that of most teens.)

 

But the above. I think enough is not said about that. And while I am glad of the decisions both DH and I made about sex, and I hope our children will choose the same, I also expect that I will really nail this particular point home to them -- "make sure you really want to be tied to this person and his or her family for the next two decades before you decide to have sex with him or her." I'd say your mom did okay there!

 

I'd consider myself to be pretty sex-positive in my home, but within the boundaries that I feel are appropriate.

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The author of the opinion piece does have very young children.

 

In any house, parents are laying the groundwork for future sexual conversations when kids are young. This author seems like she is taking a body "positive" or even neutral approach.

 

I do think this part is the "easier" part, when the kids are little and sexual activity is a long time in the future.

 

The harder part is when your kids are physiologically old enough to be sexually active and navigating those situations. I know that all the years of parenting and talks of bodies and sexuallity are leading up to that point. And by then, most parents whose opinions I'd like to hear are respectful of their kids' privacy so those conversations are more difficult to have.

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I would also note that most of us do not remember what our parents did or didn't say to us about masturbation up to age 3.

 

I think the point is to be basically matter of fact up front. While several posters are saying their parents were, there are a significant number of people who are not.

 

I think to have open communication later (when you really want it) you have to start with being matter of fact up front. No using silly names, no saying babies magically happen. If touching is treated as normal, but something to be done in private at age 3, then when the child is ready to ask about other things he will and the conversation will continue on through young adulthood. If you treat something as wrong at 3 you have stopped the conversation on something you really want to be you child's first guidance for.

 

People who farm have a definite advantage in doing this. When my dc were little I knew quite a few people who ignored all conversation/questions about certain body parts from their dc. I actually know what happens when you do this because I was raised in a home like that.

 

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I dont care how old she is; I care about how much experience she has as a parent, and whether or not she has any other qualifications.

 

She certainly seemed to be patting herself on the back, and based on the title of her article, it seems that she believes she has the definitive definition of "sex positive parenting." It would be nice to know if she has any qualifications or experience to back up her knowing statements.

 

If her only experience is that she is a mom of young children, she hasn't a clue what she will say to her kids when they get older, so actually I do view her as being either arrogant or naive. I'm not sure, because it's hard to read a person's tone in a written article.

 

EDITED TO ADD: According to her blog, the author's oldest child is 3 years old. She is the mother of 3yo twins and a baby.

 

I have had an "elevated" awareness of experience and parenting. As I parented over the years, I DO tend to discount some advice from mothers of young children. OTOH, I remember the feeling I had when more experienced mothers would offer me "wait until they are _______ age and see if you feel that way" feedback. On some of those topics, I DID change (weapon play, for one). On others, I did not (AP baby care, for example.)

 

I didn't "get" that vibe from this article, admittedly because I agree with her. ;)

 

That said, my kids are 19, nearly 18, 15. I have a string of "qualifications" beyond parenting my own.

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I don't agree that telling your 3yo to say "vulva" instead of "weewee" is going to prevent teen pregnancy.  Of course I could be wrong.

 

I was raised in a relatively traditional family where we didn't hear the scientific names for body parts until they were taught in school.  I can vaguely remember my mom saying "stop playing with yourself" on occasion.  However, ours was very far from a "sex negative" home.  My mom and dad made an effort to be honest but age-appropriate.  None of us grew up to conceive children out of wedlock etc.

 

I am not sure why so many people think they see causation between discreetness at home and poor sex choices after sexual maturity.  If there is a correlation (not sure if there is, but just for argument's sake), perhaps there is some other common root cause.  Not wanting your filterless preschooler to spout anatomically correct language, or to risk her being too curious about the neighbor kid's penis, is normal and nothing to be ashamed / afraid of IMO.

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I disagree with almost every one of her conclusions and value statements, and yet I'd consider our home very sex positive. We have no shame over our bodies and no issues relating to intimacy. But we believe there are proper contexts and situations for the expression of all of this, and tell the kids so. We tell them enough to satisfy their curiosity in an age appropriate way and don't go further. We make sure that the kiddos understand where all this falls in the values and morals of our faith and home.

 

We are in awe of our bodies and the responsibility we have in using them. I think being sex positive has everything to do with communication and clarity. But I believe in keeping kids as innocent as possible, as long as possible while being clear and truthful. No storks and cabbage patches here either, but neither do they need to know the intimate details of sexual encounters at a young age. Satisfying curiosity and honestly answering questions but not over sharing is a fine line, and the specifics change as kids age. But I think that's how we have to walk it if we want to protect our children and have open, easy communication.

 

 

 

I don't equate "innocence" in this regard as a parenting virtue or "protection" as a valued paradigm.

 

I don't think knowledge of biology inherently creates a barrier to developmental awe, wonder, creativity, energy, role play, sensory play, or learning. I don't know what is "lost" if children learn biology of sex. I would not consider that "sex positive".

 

What you present is pro heterosexual marital sexuality, and you intentionally minimize/avoid (from your words of protection and innocence) content that you consider for "mature" ears only. That's fine, and your choice. I disagree with the approach, which speaks to why I liked the article and posted it for discussion.

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I think the point is to be basically matter of fact up front. While several posters are saying their parents were, there are a significant number of people who are not.

 

I think to have open communication later (when you really want it) you have to start with being matter of fact up front. No using silly names, no saying babies magically happen. If touching is treated as normal, but something to be done in private at age 3, then when the child is ready to ask about other things he will and the conversation will continue on through young adulthood. If you treat something as wrong at 3 you have stopped the conversation on something you really want to be you child's first guidance for.

 

People who farm have a definite advantage in doing this. When my dc were little I knew quite a few people who ignored all conversation/questions about certain body parts from their dc. I actually know what happens when you do this because I was raised in a home like that.

 

 

To the bold: actually I do not want to be my child's first guidance for masturbation.  I am confident that my kids can handle that without my help.  Furthermore I do not consider myself an expert on the topic.

 

ETA:  and by the way, my kids ask me about all kinds of things.  If they are holding anything back, I can't imagine what it could be.  I don't agree that you have to set an elaborate foundation in order to get your kids to trust you.  I think it's overthinking, perhaps overcompensating for what didn't work for some people in their youths.

 

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I have had an "elevated" awareness of experience and parenting. As I parented over the years, I DO tend to discount some advice from mothers of young children. OTOH, I remember the feeling I had when more experienced mothers would offer me "wait until they are _______ age and see if you feel that way" feedback. On some of those topics, I DID change (weapon play, for one). On others, I did not (AP baby care, for example.)

 

I didn't "get" that vibe from this article, admittedly because I agree with her. ;)

 

That said, my kids are 19, nearly 18, 15. I have a string of "qualifications" beyond parenting my own.

 

What do you mean?  Are you referring to your training as a counselor?  I'm just curious what elevated awareness is.  It doesn't really matter to the conversation but I'm sitting here rather stumped.   :001_smile:

 

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To the bold: actually I do not want to be my child's first guidance for masturbation.  I am confident that my kids can handle that without my help.  Furthermore I do not consider myself an expert on the topic.

 

The bolded made me laugh!  hehehe (giggles like a middle schooler...)

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I am not sure why so many people think they see causation between discreetness at home and poor sex choices after sexual maturity.  If there is a correlation (not sure if there is, but just for argument's sake), perhaps there is some other common root cause.  Not wanting your filterless preschooler to spout anatomically correct language, or to risk her being too curious about the neighbor kid's penis, is normal and nothing to be ashamed / afraid of IMO.

 

Conversely, the correlation between sexually conservative/abstinence model and "positive outcomes" is not a favorable statistic.

 

The curiosity of "neighbor kids penis" is not correlated with families of a "sex positive" mindset, and I have not observed filterless to be affiliated, either.

Interest in body parts and ability to filter are personality traits of many kids, and need intentional parenting, regardless of choices on communication regarding sexuality topics.

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What do you mean?  Are you referring to your training as a counselor?  I'm just curious what elevated awareness is.  It doesn't really matter to the conversation but I'm sitting here rather stumped.   :001_smile:

 

 

Not at all. I was referring to my propensity to discount "advice" from people who have limited actual experience.

 

That propensity pre-existed my recent(ish) training.

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Conversely, the correlation between sexually conservative/abstinence model and "positive outcomes" is not a favorable statistic.

 

The curiosity of "neighbor kids penis" is not correlated with families of a "sex positive" mindset, and I have not observed filterless to be affiliated, either.

Interest in body parts and ability to filter are personality traits of many kids, and need intentional parenting, regardless of choices on communication regarding sexuality topics.

 

First of all, you are defining "sex positive" to suit yourself, and I don't see how you can claim the research backs you up on a correlation between what Joanne told her kids and the national outcomes relating to sex.  I would define my household and the one I grew up in as "sex positive" too.

 

Secondly, this isn't about abstinence education in public schools, is it?  "Abstinence only" in public schools only exists in certain areas, where there are other factors that could be causative of non-"positive outcomes."  There are plenty of kids who were raised with an abstinence message who have had great outcomes.  Besides, being told that abstaining prevents pregnancy is about as honest and factual as it gets.

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Well, sex abuse experts think it is very important to teach children the real, actual words and not silly, cutesie nicknames. 

 

 

Unfortunately they are the reason many kids think "vagina" means everything in the front.  Which does not help at all when describing what Uncle Perv might have touched.  Might as well say "weewee."  I think the experts are wrong about this and some other things as well.

 

Actually the OP's linked article is the very first one I've ever seen where a little girl has been taught "vulva" instead of "vagina," and that is a pet peeve of mine.

 

But the sex abuse angle is off topic IMO.

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To the bold: actually I do not want to be my child's first guidance for masturbation.  I am confident that my kids can handle that without my help.  Furthermore I do not consider myself an expert on the topic.

 

ETA:  and by the way, my kids ask me about all kinds of things.  If they are holding anything back, I can't imagine what it could be.  I don't agree that you have to set an elaborate foundation in order to get your kids to trust you.  I think it's overthinking, perhaps overcompensating for what didn't work for some people in their youths.

 

 

Most parents want to be the first guidance on topics related to sex. I don't think that means to teach masturbation. It's all about the language and tone you use when you respond to anything related to sex. If you see a preschooler doing that and respond in a freaked out manner, you've shut down a lot of future conversations because you've given your preschooler a strong message.

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Unfortunately they are the reason many kids think "vagina" means everything in the front.  Which does not help at all when describing what Uncle Perv might have touched.  Might as well say "weewee."  I think the experts are wrong about this and some other things as well.

 

Actually the OP's linked article is the very first one I've ever seen where a little girl has been taught "vulva" instead of "vagina," and that is a pet peeve of mine.

 

But the sex abuse angle is off topic IMO.

 

You do realize that article's title not only says teach kids vagina and penis but also vulva?  And, of course, the article discusses this.

 

I'm confused why the word vulva is a pet peeve?

 

You can disagree with the experts on this all you want.  It doesn't change the importance of teaching our children real words for their body parts and not gobbly goop.

 

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