Dear spawn of my womb

[Snickerdoodle]

87.   If you take a video of me snoring, that does not constitute proof that I snore.  I do not snore.  End of story.

 

88.   If I send you down for nutella, do not come home with hershey's spread.     That scenario will end ugly as you by now know.

 

 

 

[wintermom]

89. If you touch or dare to eat any of mommy's special chocolate be prepared for some serious consequences.

[bzymom]

90.  The crime scene tape I have affixed to the portal of your room is an indication that it does, in fact, require cleaning.  This service is not included in your daily rate of $0.

[Tammi K]

90.  The crime scene tape I have affixed to the portal of your room is an indication that it does, in fact, require cleaning.  This service is not included in your daily rate of $0.

:lol:

[busymama7]

90. The crime scene tape I have affixed to the portal of your room is an indication that it does, in fact, require cleaning. This service is not included in your daily rate of $0.

My dad actually did that to my sister as a teen. ;)

[celticmom]

If you choose to gripe about the way laundry is handled, be prepared to do your own.

[Gentlemommy]

91. Complaining about doing your ONE chore will always, always result in extra practice at completing a chore without complaint.

 

92. Whining that I tell you to pick only ONE new book at the store instead of two will always, always result in zero books being purchased.

 

It was a rough day for one of mine...

[smudge]

I am not now, nor will I ever be, a short order cook. If you don't like the meal I make you are welcome to make your own meal. 

[Forget-Me-Not]

93. If you wake me at 7 a.m. or earlier to ask permission to get on the computer, I can't answer for my reaction. This increases in proportion to the number of times your baby brother woke up in the night.

[Truscifi]

94. When I tell you to wipe down the table, the goal of the task is to leave the table clean, not just to smear the crumbs around. If you fail to accomplish that goal the first time you should expect to be sent back to try again. And again. And again.

[1GirlTwinBoys]

95.  When I ask you at 9:50pm to get ready for bed, which means brushing, flossing and getting in bed, do not take until 10:50pm to get that accomplished.  If you do, we will start at 8:50pm next time to make sure you're actually in bed by 10:00pm. :huh:

[Miss Peregrine]

96. Loudly saying, "Yawn" at VBS while a leader is talking WILL get back to me.

[bzymom]

97. Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, I was a person. I had a real name, and a life! It's true! So when you think you have invented "getting over on mom", you are mistaken. I invented it (right after the wheel), and I can smell it even before you try it.

 

Long weekend.

 

In unrelated news, there is a teenager available to fill your home with joy and laughter! First come, first served!

[MomtoCandJ]

98. For the love of God please just let me pee all by myself

99. Please let me enjoy my food, you have a plate of the exact same thing across the table from me. Eat from your own freaking plate!!!!

All of the above is referring to dd1

[mommymonster]

100. Game over, dear children. I've told you 6,439 times to pick up the legos before bed. Now that I have stepped on yet another lego, this time while sporting massive blisters, legos shall go away for a few days. 

[fraidycat]

101. For the 7,846th time this week, PLEASE hang your wet towel and swim suit up!!!

[swellmomma]

I don't know why all of you are having so much trouble with your kids...mine are absolute angels.... :P




(that's because they are away from home...shhh...hehehe)
 

[tabinfl]

102. Fifteen minutes of banging your hands randomly on they keyboard does not count as piano practice.

[Ipsey]

If I happen to thoughtlessly let it slip that I don't want your little sister to play with a certain someone because they are a bad influence, you should not mention it to little sister--and little sister's friend.  Yeah, I'm partially to blame here, but now we all feel miserable, don't we? :(   

[Deee]

104. There is a pecking order in this house. While you may now be taller than your mother, you have not climbed above her in the pecking order.

 

105. Only the cat is allowed to spend all day sleeping. NB. You are not a cat.

 

106. Yes, we are nicer to the dog than we are to you. The dog is pleased to see us, doesn't argue, is happy to exercise, does as she is told, is thankful at mealtimes, is sorry when we have to clean up her mess, and requires no electronic entertainment devices. She smells better, comes when she is called and doesn't require an internet connection. You want nice? Start behaving like a Labrador!

[73349]

107. Any object or privilege that seems to be detrimental to your behavior shall be removed at once, so that you can stay out of trouble. The more you fuss, the longer it's gone.

[MomtoCandJ]

108. Do not fuss whine at me because I told you to clean your room. It was cleaned yesterday and you decided to yank out about every toy you own, that's not my problem.

109. Do not fuss whine at me if I decide to get rid of most of your toys. If you can't manage to keep them picked up then you have too many!!!

110. DO NOT FUSS WHINE AT ME!!!!!! It is the fastest way to tick me off, you want to go places and do things, don't fuss whine.

 

Yes I do have an issue with fuss whining :D dd1's main chore is keeping her room clean, the others are fed, water and let dog in and out if I am doing something else. I mean is that really too much for a 5.5 yr. old????

[Snickerdoodle]

104. There is a pecking order in this house. While you may now be taller than your mother, you have not climbed above her in the pecking order.

 

I love this.    Mine are not taller yet....but getting there!

[Snickerdoodle]

111.    If soap and shampoo did not touch your body, it was not a shower/bath.

[MomtoCandJ]

112. Your sister's nap time is NOT the time to decide to stomp through the house and other wise be noisy!

[Ann.without.an.e]

106. Yes, we are nicer to the dog than we are to you. The dog is pleased to see us, doesn't argue, is happy to exercise, does as she is told, is thankful at mealtimes, is sorry when we have to clean up her mess, and requires no electronic entertainment devices. She smells better, comes when she is called and doesn't require an internet connection. You want nice? Start behaving like a Labrador!

 

 

 

Oh.my.gosh.  I get this one all the time from my kids.  "You just fussed at me and turned around and talked sweet to the dog, that isn't fair".  Yes, I did....he listens.    :001_tt2:

[trulycrabby]

113. Vomiting and high fevers are prohibited between 9:00pm-6:00am. :needcoffee:

[Happy]

104. There is a pecking order in this house. While you may now be taller than your mother, you have not climbed above her in the pecking order.

 

105. Only the cat is allowed to spend all day sleeping. NB. You are not a cat.

 

106. Yes, we are nicer to the dog than we are to you. The dog is pleased to see us, doesn't argue, is happy to exercise, does as she is told, is thankful at mealtimes, is sorry when we have to clean up her mess, and requires no electronic entertainment devices. She smells better, comes when she is called and doesn't require an internet connection. You want nice? Start behaving like a Labrador!

 

I LOVE this!

 

Gonna copy and post it around the house...

[BarbecueMom]

114.  I am not base, the safe spot, a hiding place, a shield, or the referee.  Take it somewhere else.

[DragonFaerie]

I don't know why all of you are having so much trouble with your kids...mine are absolute angels.... :p

 

 

 

 

(that's because they are away from home...shhh...hehehe)

 

 

Well then.... :001_tt2:   :D

 

106. Yes, we are nicer to the dog than we are to you. The dog is pleased to see us, doesn't argue, is happy to exercise, does as she is told, is thankful at mealtimes, is sorry when we have to clean up her mess, and requires no electronic entertainment devices. She smells better, comes when she is called and doesn't require an internet connection. You want nice? Start behaving like a Labrador!

 

LOL.... This is too funny!

[tabinfl]

** JUST SO THERE IS NO CONFUSION, the above shall apply equally to the spawn of someone else's womb who have been declared by the state to be my legal children. It says it right there on the paperwork, "entitled to all rights and privileges and subject to all obligations of children born to" etc.

[athomeontheprairie]

106. Yes, we are nicer to the dog than we are to you. The dog is pleased to see us, doesn't argue, is happy to exercise, does as she is told, is thankful at mealtimes, is sorry when we have to clean up her mess, and requires no electronic entertainment devices. She smells better, comes when she is called and doesn't require an internet connection. You want nice? Start behaving like a Labrador!

I had to email this to my mother in law, whose favorite child is clearly the dachshund. (and asks is currently having attitude with the 13yo) :-)

[MysteryJen]

101.  Dear son who is about to leave for college, wouldn't it have been better for you to look through your checklist when I asked you to, about 4 weeks ago? Because now we are both a bit stressed.

[SadieMarie]

115.  It was really mean to go on my iPad and run up the high score on my favorite game putting it permanently beyond my reach, yeah, just really mean.  

[Kareni]

114.  I am not base, the safe spot, a hiding place, a shield, or the referee.  Take it somewhere else.

 

Nor am I a tissue or handkerchief!

 

Regards,

Kareni

[MiMi 4under3]

97. Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, I was a person. I had a real name, and a life! It's true! So when you think you have invented "getting over on mom", you are mistaken. I invented it (right after the wheel), and I can smell it even before you try it.

 

As DH frequently tells the kids, "There is nothing new under the sun!"  :coolgleamA:

[MiMi 4under3]

Oh.my.gosh.  I get this one all the time from my kids.  "You just fussed at me and turned around and talked sweet to the dog, that isn't fair".  Yes, I did....he listens.    :001_tt2:

 

  :iagree: 

 

Even DH comments that I'm nicer to the dog than my own children, (and him sometimes.)

[BarbecueMom]

What are we up to, 116?

 

116)  If a pair of siblings give you a gift, you cannot only thank the child with the shorter name in your thank you note.  Don't argue with me on this one.

[jelbe5]

117) It is absolutely forbidden that your tease, torment, wrestle with or otherwise "work your brother up", ESPECIALLY when we are visiting Grandma's house! You KNOW Grandma does not like that and you KNOW how I feel about that. That is all.

[Mango]

I am not now, nor will I ever be, a short order cook. If you don't like the meal I make you are welcome to make your own meal. 

 ...for which you must wash ALL cooking and eating dishes, wipe down the counter &  clean your dining space (sweep or wipe), and clean off the charred remains from the stove top or oven DIRECTLY following your meal. 

 

I am also NOT your maid.  

 

But I will buy the groceries, for now. 

[Snickerdoodle]

118.   Stop giving me puppy dog eyes.  It won't work.   Ok, it works sometimes.   Stop it!

[tabinfl]

111. If soap and shampoo did not touch your body, it was not a shower/bath.

111(a) "Wash your hands" implies the use of soap along with water. I should not have to ask both "Did you wash your hands?" and "Did you use soap?"

[caitlinsmom]

119.  Just because your hormones are going a little crazy does not mean you are smarter than me.  It only means that your brain no longer processes how awesome I am.  One day you will have a child exactly like you and you will call begging for advice.  I only hope my hormones are stable at that time.  If they aren't, be prepared for me to roll my eyes, sigh loudly, slam the door, and say "Why do you have to be so mean!".

[Seasider]

119. Just because your hormones are going a little crazy does not mean you are smarter than me. It only means that your brain no longer processes how awesome I am. One day you will have a child exactly like you and you will call begging for advice. I only hope my hormones are stable at that time. If they aren't, be prepared for me to roll my eyes, sigh loudly, slam the door, and say "Why do you have to be so mean!".

LOL! Preach it!

[Seasider]

120. Acknowledge that you understand the dishwasher is not self-loading, and act accordingly.

[NCMom]

121. You are 18 years old. Stop bringing reptiles, rodents and other bits of nature inside my house with such abandon. "Oops", does not constitute the proper reaction when one drops a large black snake on the floor in the school room. 

 

P.S. The very MINUTE you get housing that allows dogs, expect to have your dog delivered to your front door...

 

[LibraryLover]

The answer to "when did you say you were going to mow the lawn?" is "Right now Mom!"

[ChrissySC]

122. When you show up with swollen lips and red splotches on the sides of your mouth, do not ask me why you are going to time out.  I have eyes in the back of my head and MOM-ESP.  I know you were sucking your fingers and ruining all of that great dental work that I had to pay for over the years!  Be glad it is not a minute for every dollar that I spent.  

[Storygirl]

123. Do not ask your mother to give you tips on making your fake burps sound better. Especially after she has told you to stop all the burping.

[Critterfixer]

124. Asking me the same question 100 times a day does nothing to change the no answer. You might as well save your breath.