Working full time and grumpy mum help

[Melissa in Australia]

So I am in my second week of my internship and am away from home for most of the day. I leave just before 8 am and get home just before 6 pm most evenings, once a week I come home later. I am teaching a class of 60 grade 3/4 students, and do extensive lesson planning etc just about every evening.

 

 How do I avoid coming home and being grumpy. I try, I really do.. but when I find that the firewood hasn't been brought down to the house and the fire is out, that other chores have been "forgotten" that children have not bothered to do all their schoolwork........ you get the gist.... I start getting them all organized to do their choirs and am, well, grumpy.

 

While DH is at home all day, he is still recovering from his trip to Canada and experience has told me he will not be fully recovered for at least another month, and in reality he has never had to deal with homeschooling or housework ever before.

 

So how do working mothers manage to stay happy and clam after working all day? all advice most welcome.

[AurieD]

No advice sorry.

 

But 60 students?!?

 

I thought we had maximum allowable class sizes of about 30 in Australia?

[Melissa in Australia]

The latest thing in Gov schools is team teaching, 60 students , two teachers, they take turns leading each lesson.

 One of my fellow student teachers is in a class of 100 - 4 teachers

 

seams crazy to me. Teachers seem to like it because they only have to prepare half of the lessons and have the other teacher roaming in the class to deal with behavior problem children

[nd293]

Definitely not the same thing, but when I have been out all afternoon at a play date with ds7, and I'm tired and grumpy (introvert alert!) I will often text dd13 a list of reminders to give her time to make sure she's done everything before I get home. If I am grumpy in the evening I will sometimes tell dh to serve dinner and eat with the kids while I eat in the bedroom. The time to collect myself usually gets me back on track, and it's better all round than having me present but in a foul mood. Assuming you are finished the actual teaching by 3pm, can you text your children reminders that they have to reply to with 'done' so you know that they have been?

[bettyandbob]

I was a latchkey kid. In the summer daycare was really unheard of so we were home alone all day (early 70s) . Somehow we were trained to have all household chores done and dinner on the table when mom and dad walked in. If one thing was out of place life was very unpleasant. Your kids and dh do not mind your "grumpy" enough to want to avoid it.

 

My siblings and I didn't cook and clean all day. Mom and dad got home at 7. So, we got home or stopped whatever we were doing at 6 and spent a frenzied hour cleaning and cooking and got it done. Perhaps, if you called the house before you left the school to travel home to give them a warning bell to start.

 

Another tactic is to stop doing chores altogether tell dh and kids with your current schedule you can't do any chores and they need to step up. The house will become a wreck. Let it. Go to work. Come home. Make your own dinner and go for a walk. When someone asks about laundry or dinner remind them what you said. Do your own laundry only during the adjustment period. Hopefully, someone notices a problem. Hopefully, dh rounds up the troops to pick up the slack and support mom.

 

As long as you are picking up the slack at the end of the day no one will care to do anything. There are no real consequences.

[jen3kids]

I make up lists for each of my kids, Bulletin Journal style.  They say they hate it (likely because I'm actually asking them to DO things), but it works.

 

I'm leaving them each a list today, and I explained the chores (we're in the midst of a deep clean here) last night. 

 

ODS - mow lawn, clean recycling cupboard, make spaghetti sauce, clean under sink cupboard in bathroom

 

DD - clean mud room - top to bottom

 

YDS - clean out 5 cupboards, clean under sink cupboard in bathroom, weed flower bed

 

They also have other things to do, such as drum/guitar practice, summer reading assignments, Scout work that I will put on their lists too.

 

I don't call/text to remind them because, according to them, that is nagging.  They usually get their things done by the time I get home.  If not, they don't go anywhere or have any screen time until it's all done.  

[Laura Corin]

I make daily lists.  They seem to work better than a general 'do every day' list.

 

Oh, and when I leave in the morning, I take all the video/TV controllers and both the laptops.

 

L

[Ellie]

 

Oh, and when I leave in the morning, I take all the video/TV controllers and both the laptops.

 

L

 

^^^ Probably the smartest and best thing you can do.

[Ellie]

 

Another tactic is to stop doing chores altogether tell dh and kids with your current schedule you can't do any chores and they need to step up. The house will become a wreck. Let it. Go to work. Come home. Make your own dinner and go for a walk. When someone asks about laundry or dinner remind them what you said. Do your own laundry only during the adjustment period. Hopefully, someone notices a problem. Hopefully, dh rounds up the troops to pick up the slack and support mom.

 

As long as you are picking up the slack at the end of the day no one will care to do anything. There are no real consequences.

 

This.

 

And I feel your pain, girl friend. :grouphug:

[Melissa in Australia]

Thank you everyone.

 

 I already have lists for each person. I guess I was dreaming and sort of thought that they would either have the house tidy, OR be commenting on how much they missed me or something like that. Silly of me I know.

 

[Melissa in Australia]

My internship is for another 8 weeks. Then I will need to find some part time  or casual work. I am hoping to get  regular relief teaching.

 

 

One thing I will say is that I am enjoying being out of the house way more than I thought I would.

 

[Ellie]

 

 

 I already have lists for each person. I guess I was dreaming and sort of thought that they would either have the house tidy, OR be commenting on how much they missed me or something like that. Silly of me I know.

 

But they're all having to be retrained, right? This has not been their norm for all of their lives. All of you have to learn new habits, and someone has to lead the way. That would be you. :-)

[Anne in CA]

Honestly, IME, some families just will not back up the mom no matter what. The dad has to be the one to make them. I absolutely would not give rides to kids or loan my car to teens who did not do what they were supposed to while I was gone. That is the main way I got my kids to clean up while I was gone. I would call when I left work and say, "I'm going to the store on my way home, do you want anything?" They would tell me what they wanted and I would say, "Fine, everything better be just the way I left it this morning and you can keep the goodies I'm picking up. Otherwise I'm taking them to Aunt Jessica's house."

 

Only one time did I get home and the house was a wreck and the ice cream I had just purchased had to go the Aunt Jessica's freezer, lol. Once they were old enough to drive I could simply say, "Dirty house equals no car." Then there were no problems either. But the key was that DH backed me up 100%. 

[Anne in CA]

Honestly, IME, some families just will not back up the mom no matter what. The dad has to be the one to make them. I absolutely would not give rides to kids or loan my car to teens who did not do what they were supposed to while I was gone. That is the main way I got my kids to clean up while I was gone. I would call when I left work and say, "I'm going to the store on my way home, do you want anything?" They would tell me what they wanted and I would say, "Fine, everything better be just the way I left it this morning and you can keep the goodies I'm picking up. Otherwise I'm taking them to Aunt Jessica's house."

 

Only one time did I get home and the house was a wreck and the ice cream I had just purchased had to go the Aunt Jessica's freezer, lol. Once they were old enough to drive I could simply say, "Dirty house equals no car." Then there were no problems either. But the key was that DH backed me up 100%. 

[displace]

I agree with others. I text DH before coming home a list of things to do NOW so stuff is started. About 1/2 gets done and I'm pretty frustrated. I have had talks with DH in past that I cannot do it all and he better buckle up. Maybe a heart to heart would help your DH to motivate himself and kids.

 

Another thing I've done is program DHs phone to alarm at different times. Usually meals for us or the "kids won't eat", but you could do chores.

[Melissa in Australia]

thank you for the suggestions everyone. :coolgleamA:

 

Using a mobile phone and texting are out. we don't use them.

 Depriving the kids of a car is out ds 18 has his own car, and isn't one of the problems- he is either at TAFE all day or at work.

 

Having a chat to DH is probably out as well. we are not exactly having smooth sailing at the moment and haven't reconnected after his trip away. I find that it takes time,  lots of time to reconnect after that.

 

So there really is no solution I guess. just everyone get use to having a grumpy Mum

 

[fairfarmhand]

I'd walk in the door, take a look at the messy house and unprepared dinner and say, "Wow. What a wreck. I thought I said you should do this. I guess you need a little more time. I'm going to dinner. When I get back, maybe I'll fix you a sandwich." Then I'd leave. I'd have a great dinner and a DQ blizzard in my hand when I came in the door.

 

Get yourself a cheapie prepaid cell phone.

[swellmomma]

So I am in my second week of my internship and am away from home for most of the day. I leave just before 8 am and get home just before 6 pm most evenings, once a week I come home later. I am teaching a class of 60 grade 3/4 students, and do extensive lesson planning etc just about every evening.

 

 How do I avoid coming home and being grumpy. I try, I really do.. but when I find that the firewood hasn't been brought down to the house and the fire is out, that other chores have been "forgotten" that children have not bothered to do all their schoolwork........ you get the gist.... I start getting them all organized to do their choirs and am, well, grumpy.

 

While DH is at home all day, he is still recovering from his trip to Canada and experience has told me he will not be fully recovered for at least another month, and in reality he has never had to deal with homeschooling or housework ever before.

 

So how do working mothers manage to stay happy and clam after working all day? all advice most welcome.

I don't.  My kids know it.  Working out of the home and coming home to problems caused by "forgetfulness" does not make me happy and calm.  I get grumpy and they get hustling to complete those forgotten things.  I mostly remind myself that the kids didn't ask for me to work this much, they would rather I be home.  I on the other hand would rather pay the bills. When I find myself getting past grumpy and into down right cranky I give myself a talking to about what is more important right now "clean house, everything done as it should, but no money OR money to pay bills, and buy food but more forgetfulness by children being left to their own devices essentially.  Since we all like the fact we can eat well you know which wins out.  But I do allow myself the grace to know sometimes I will be grumpy, especially if I am over tired, have a headache, pmsing etc and then I give the kids a heads up:  "Today is not a good day to make me grumpier, I might hurt your feelings if I start yelling so just work with me okay"

[idnib]

I make daily lists.  They seem to work better than a general 'do every day' list.

 

Oh, and when I leave in the morning, I take all the video/TV controllers and both the laptops.

 

L

 

I didn't like that new TVs don't have buttons on them. But I can see an advantage now. 

[kiwik]

The latest thing in Gov schools is team teaching, 60 students , two teachers, they take turns leading each lesson.

One of my fellow student teachers is in a class of 100 - 4 teachers

 

seams crazy to me. Teachers seem to like it because they only have to prepare half of the lessons and have the other teacher roaming in the class to deal with behavior problem children

NZ is talking about that again. It sounds a lot like the open plan stuff of the seventies.

 

Can you imagine what it would be like if you had a kid with sensory problems or ADHD?

 

If you come home and the fire is out, there is no wood and nobody has done what they were supposed to you have every right to be grumpy and to take action of some unpleasant sort. Maybe everyone needs to spend their entire weekend cooking and freezing meals, chopping enough wood for the week and putting it in their bedrooms (so they don't have to tire themselves out fetching from the shed during the week) and doing all their schoolwork.

 

Good luck. If my son gets put in a group teaching situation I am removing him from school although it wouldn't really work with our classrooms anyway. The funny thing is i think the last open plan classrooms were divided up only a few years ago.