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Resources for helping sensitive five year old boy


raindrops
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I recommend being nice to him. 5 yo boys are still very small. Be nice, let him play with people who will be nice most of the time and he'll grow up.

 

Be nice is, obviously, always appropriate advice, but whether wait it out is the best approach IMO really depends on the type and degree of sensitivity and whether the child is, on average, growing up or instead sinking down into even deeper sensitivity as time goes by.

 

Peter is very sensitive emotionally, mentally and physically.  As in, "impacts every aspect of his life every day" sensitive.  He hides under his covers and sobs because he knows that in a different room, on a different floor, Elliot is watching a Curious George cartoon.  Peter is that sensitive to the emotional tension of George being naughty.  It takes two adults an hour to hold Peter down to cut his toe nails, and both adults are injured by the time you are done.  Peter starts shutting down about a week before any vacation or overnight trip (that he knows about) because he is that sensitive to changes in his normal routine and venturing into the "unknown", even if the unknown is going to Nana and Papa's which we have done every few months since he was born.

 

Every day, week, months that goes by Peter is becoming more sensitive, not less.  I suppose that could radically change now that he is 5, but his therapists aren't counting on it, and are instead actively trying to teach him to better cope with life.

 

To the OP, Peter's therapists work on breathing exercises with him, they work with him on identifying and naming his emotions, they try to discuss the triggers analytically such as drawing a wave to show the flow of a story and emphasizing that if he makes it past the "scary" climax (of the Winnie the Pooh story) that things will calm back down at the end.  The therapists also encourage us to gently push him to keep him from backsliding.  It took two year of work to get him to comfortably ride a tricycle, and there are still days when he refuses and says it is too scary, but we have to be firm and insist that he must at least sit on it for a given length of time or else that "skill" like so many others will slip away into the well of sensitivity and anxiety.

 

Wendy

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I have a neurotypical, sensitive-tending DS who is almost 9. At 5, he liked things quiet and calm, and we would give him advance notice when at all possible. We coached him before social situations to tell him what would be expected of him. Baby steps toward bigger expectations. We also talked a good deal about the size reaction that something was worth. Was this a big deal or a little deal? Was it worth being upset and missing the rest of the activity over or could you take a deep breath and regroup?

 

What sort of sensitivity? Anxiety? Social anxiety? Sensory sensitivity?

There are two books that may be helpful:

-Highly Sensitive Child

-Raising Your Spirited Child

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He's a lot like me.  My parents told me that when I was a baby, and placed on grass for the first time, I cried.  Sensory sensitivity, I would say.  He picks up on the slightest stimuli, whether it's noise, or others' emotions... and he feels deeply, like myself.  He loves affectionately, and warmly.  I think the stimuli overwhelms him, whether it's positive or negative... and I want to give him tools to cope better with that.  I'm not sure it's possible.  I still struggle myself navigating big cities, for example, because my sensitivity to stimuli can feel somewhat paralyzing.  While I'm processing it all,  my extroverted, less sensitive husband can't figure out why I've slowed my pace or seem indecisive.

 

But also, I know the world is not all that kind to sensitive types sometimes.  I want him to have tools/ confidence/ SOMETHING to feel he can manage with more dominating types, and not get run over.

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Check out this webpage: http://www.hsperson.com/ . You sound exactly like how she classifies a "highly sensitive person," and she has written a book about it, as well as another book about parenting a highly sensitive child. You also can sign up for a free newsletter with interesting articles about highly sensitive people.

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5 in a boy can be like 3 in Girl Years. Some boys really are babies longer. If he has no serious issues, I'd let him trust his instincts and guide him through the scary stuff until he matures on his own. 5 is just a bit young to start world-hardening him.

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I had a sensitive five year old boy who is now a sensitive nine year old boy. As a second grader in public school he was known as the boy who cries. Nothing I've done has had much of an effect. I'm not sure anything can be done. It's not in my power to change anybody's personality. As he grows up he'll naturally mature and gain perspective on certain situations in the same manner that all kids do. He'll always be sensitive but hopefully he'll no longer cry over breakfast choices.

 

I think five or six was the year I worried about it the most. I don't remember why but I read everything I could. Most of the advice was common sense except for the sports thing. They thought team sports would be good. We tried soccer but he cried a lot. Now he's doing swim which isn't really a team but the best we could do for a nonathletic kid. He just finished the summer swim season and he didn't cry once.

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