Would you make your child cut her hair?

[Dmmetler]

DD9 has about waist-long hair. She can't manage it herself because it's just too much, and it really needs trimmed, at least.

 

DH talked to his sister, and her youngest is donating her "rapunzel hair" to Locks of Love, and he suggested DD might consider doing likewise.

 

DD had a complete freak put over the idea of cutting her hair, and proceeded to panic over even having it trimmed a bit. She says that she wouldn't be her without long hair. She's been struggling a lot with self-identity recently in general.

 

I really, really would like it to at least be short enough that she could handle it on her own. I don't mind doing her hair, but she needs to be able to do it. For cheer, she needs to have it in a ponytail, but shoulder length would be more than sufficient.

[ChristusG]

I wouldn't make her cut it. My DD7 has about waist length hair as well. She calls it her "princess hair." I'd love to cut it about shoulder length so that we could take better care of it. She doesn't like me to brush it or put it up! And she can't handle it. But she'd be absolutely devastated if we cut it. As in, I think she'd be hysterical in the salon chair. I'm hoping that within the next few years she can take better care of it herself.

[Caroline]

My DD, who I think is about the same age as yours, has waist-length hair, too. She can manage it herself, put it up for tennis, etc. she is adamant that it not be cut. I did take her in for a trim. My stylist took about an inch off to even it out and get rid of the dead ends. It looks much healthier now.

 

I wouldn't make her get it cut short. I would work on getting her to be agreeable to a trim.

[OneStepAtATime]

Every child and family are different but I honestly would NOT force her to cut her hair when she is having self-esteem issues.  My daughter went years without cutting her hair.  Yes it was hard to manage.  Yes it was a pain.  But she wasn't ready.  She linked having short hair with illness because of my breast cancer experience and didn't want her hair cut at all.  We butted heads a bit and I finally told her that it was her hair, she could keep it as long as she liked as long as she washed and brushed it regularly.  We got detangler, used conditioner, etc.  trying to keep it manageable.  I didn't cut my hair, either, because it was upsetting to my DH and son as well.  I had had long hair before cancer.   Then just a few weeks ago my dear DD (now 13) asked if she and I could go get our hair cut together.  And we did.  It was a terrific moment.  We spent the day together.  Very cathartic for both of us and a great bonding moment.  She thanked me for letting her wait until she was ready.  I am so glad I didn't force the issue when emotionally she needed more time.

[Lavandula]

I'd work on the trim issue. Isn't there something about dead ends and not getting it trimmed an inch or so every once and a while? I haven't looked into it but my stylists have always told DD that. Her hair is down to her waist, and it's manageable. I agree with making the deal that she can keep it as long as she manages it. Look at different conditioners, brushes, so on. Even ask the hair stylist next time someone else goes to get it cut (or if she does decide to get it trimmed). I would never make her cut it to shoulder length if she didn't want it though. 

[bolt.]

I'd lean towards requiring her to learn to manage it, or getting it cut. There is no reason she shouldn't be capable of learning how.

 

If she is willing to take responsibility (by learning and giving a real effort) I wouldn't be inclined to make her cut it, but if it remained my responsibility, I'd feel justified in making a responsible decision about it.

 

(My decision would be 'as long as possible while staying manageable' and I would allow it to grow longer again as she showed responsibility for it.)

[Haiku]

I would insist that it at least be trimmed. Part of having long hair is caring for it, and trimming it is part of caring for it. If she is unwilling to care for her hair, it can't be super-long.

 

As far as being able to brush and style it herself, I think 9 is awfully young for that. My dd is 12 and she still has difficulty adequately brushing out her longish hair. If you are willing to let her have super-long hair, you need to be willing to help her brush and style it. 

 

I would not force a child to cut her hair. I think that sets up to potential for many hard feelings.

[kitten18]

I wouldn't make her cut it.

 

What part of it is difficult for her?

My dd's hair used to get very tangled, some things that helped with that:

-washing it at least every other day

-brushing it while it's wet with the "wet brush"

-sleeping with it in a braid or with a night cap

 

My dd is in ballet, there are about 40 girls in her grade (age range 9-11) and I only know of a couple girls that do their own bun.

[Pawz4me]

I wouldn't force her to have it cut.  I would insist on a trim.  First, because everybody's hair needs trimming occasionally. Dead, split ends aren't attractive at all.  They just aren't.  And it gets her used to sitting in a stylist's chair and helps her learn that trims (cuts) aren't a big deal.

[bolt.]

I didn't mean being able to style it, do a bun, etc. but the ability to brush it well, comb it through would be critical. The ability to part it, put in a casual ponytail, and/or loosley braid it would be a plus.

[Word Nerd]

I wouldn't make her cut it off, but I would have her get a trim and learn to care for it on her own as a condition of keeping it that long. The stylist could offer suggestions for managing very long hair and explain why a trim is needed.

[umsami]

My Mom cut my hair off when I was 5 or 6, because it kept getting tangled and she was tired of the struggles.  This was the early 70s, and it was ear length.  Everybody thought I was a boy, which mortified me.  I did grow it a little longer (usually around jaw length), but soon realized that when it got below a certain length, that's when the troubles started.  My hair is very thick and course, and it does tend to tangle.

 

Still, I wouldn't want to put any girl through that, even if her hair was a problem.  I'd work on a trim….and I'd also work on teaching her self-care of her hair. Maybe there's a stylist which could help? Or an older girl with similar length hair?

 

 

[ThisIsTheDay]

 

DD had a complete freak put over the idea of cutting her hair, and proceeded to panic over even having it trimmed a bit. She says that she wouldn't be her without long hair. She's been struggling a lot with self-identity recently in general.

 

 

 

I don't know in general, but because of this (bolded), I would not give any further thought to cutting her hair.  I would instead devote my effort to helping her learn how to take care of it.  Remembering back when my dd was this age, her "taking care of it" would only be wishful thinking on my part, so my devotion to teaching her would be short lived. 

 

I would focus long term on my child's "self identity" and assume that it would improve through a combination of time and work on my part.

 

:grouphug:  Personally, I would be frustrated, because it would take time and effort on my part every day. But just doing it for now would be in the best interests of the child until she is more comfortable with herself.

 

[Dmmetler]

I didn't mean being able to style it, do a bun, etc. but the ability to brush it well, comb it through would be critical. The ability to part it, put in a casual ponytail, and/or loosley braid it would be a plus.

That's really all I'd like at this point-that and there are enough split, frizzy ends that she complains when I brush it out, because it does get tangled at the ends, so I think that if she got it trimmed, it would be much less trouble to brush out.

 

Honestly, if DH hadn't brought it up, I would have in a few weeks because she's going to a herpetology conference in August, and she's already nervous about being the youngest in the pre-baccalaureate track, so I was thinking things like getting her hair cut, nails done, and the like before going would be reassuring, and would also make it easier for us to manage it at the conference, since the first sessions start at 8:00 (and the donuts start at 7:00).

[kitten18]

I didn't mean being able to style it, do a bun, etc. but the ability to brush it well, comb it through would be critical. The ability to part it, put in a casual ponytail, and/or loosley braid it would be a plus.

I agree.

My dd does pretty well now with the brushing especially day 1 (right after it's freshly washed and conditioned) sometimes I have to help with tangles the next day.

 

She can do a low (casual) ponytail but a higher (cheerleader) ponytail is more difficult.

[kitten18]

That's really all I'd like at this point-that and there are enough split, frizzy ends that she complains when I brush it out, because it does get tangled at the ends, so I think that if she got it trimmed, it would be much less trouble to brush out.

 

Honestly, if DH hadn't brought it up, I would have in a few weeks because she's going to a herpetology conference in August, and she's already nervous about being the youngest in the pre-baccalaureate track, so I was thinking things like getting her hair cut, nails done, and the like before going would be reassuring, and would also make it easier for us to manage it at the conference, since the first sessions start at 8:00 (and the donuts start at 7:00).

Do you braid it at night? Loose hair during sleep is a recipe for tangles.

[Seasider]

We recently dealt with this (dd9 wanting long hair but not able to manage it well herself) and my hair stylist offered a great solution. She explained to dd about cutting the hair in long layers - the length would be the same, the layers would be long enough not to fall out of ponytails, but it would be thinner and easier to manage at the places where tangles typically like to turn up. DD agreed and LOVES the cut. It actually seems to make her hair appear longer than it was!

 

I wouldn't force the haircut. But I would work towards her ability to self-manage what she's got, and if that can't be done, a cut may have to come into play. But she deserves much encouragement and "fair warning."

[HRAAB]

I've had several dds with very long hair - past their waist.  None of them did a very good job of caring for it when they were 9.  I usually helped them, and what I would insist on is that they let me help brush and braid or put in ponytail.  They were wanting to be independent and didn't necessarily want my help, but they needed it.  I would never make my dds cut their hair if they didn't want to.  I did encourage trims, and usually they didn't fight too much over a couple inches.

 

One of my twins, now 13, has very long hair, and she is able to care for it on her own now.  She still likes to have her older sister (not me  :laugh: ) do fancy braids and such but everyday care she does herself.

[gardenmom5]

I don't remember how far down her back dd's hair was at nine, but in high school it was past her bottom (neatly trimmed). it's very thick.  she'd also wind it up into a bun, and stick a pencil through it. (that was all that was needed to hold it all up.  it's also pretty easy.)  chopsticks can also make great hair sticks - and your dd has plenty of hair for that.

 

does your dd want to cut her hair?  (my mother used to chop mine off without my consent/against my wishes, and I really resented it.  it was all in the name of 'we're just going to give you a trim' and suddenly i was missing alot. I flat out refused to tell either of my girls how long their hair could be.  when I trimmed, it was never more than an inch or two to straighten up the ends, unless expressly asked.  I have one who can easily produce super long hair - and often does, and another who can't.)

 

what does she need help with?  what do you do?  does she use conditioner? (which makes an enormous difference!)  can you teach her how to brush it so the brush goes all. the. way. to. the. end. before moving to the next stroke?  to hold her hair down while she brushes?  can she put her hair in a pony tail?  can she braid?  if it's already in a pony tail, it's easier to learn to braid your own hair. and easier to control.

 

I helped her until she was able to do everything herself.  I didn't have a problem with helping her, as it was important to her.  there are many things we do for our kids just as a matter of course until they can do it for themselves.

 

 

 

[gardenmom5]

Do you braid it at night? Loose hair during sleep is a recipe for tangles.

 

and makes wonderful waves the next day . . .. I would french braid mine at night when I had it long.  (and I'm going back to long. I don't care about how much gray I have, or that I'm in my 50's . . . I always end up hating short hair.)

[catz]

My dd's has been longer and shorter.  When she could not manage it on her own, I did make her keep it well trimmed (which means it would never get below waist length probably) so it's easier to brush through.  Maybe I'm mean mom, but I will not let my kids walk around with ratty hair and/or hair in their face.  If they're not brushing it and it's too much work for me, I might make them get a cut.  I have had my son who has had longer hair get it cut at a couple points.  When they're good at hygiene with no reminders, I will allow them to have their hair any way they want.  My dd's is currently at her shoulder blades which is long enough to do anything, but short enough to brush through on her own.

 

So, I wouldn't make her donate it.  The hair donations places actually don't use a bunch of the hair they get anyway.  But if it was sucking up a bunch of MY time, I might say it needs to be trimmed up enough to brush through in less that a few minutes a day.   I am also not at all a fan of long ratty split ends, so I do treat trims kind of like going to the dentist.

[momto10blessings]

Is tell her she has to have it trimmed. Getting it trimmed will make it more manageable too. My hair is always easier to brush after a small trim

[Caclcoca]

My dd10 has waist length hair.  I make her get the split ends trimmed about every 4 months.  She can brush it out mostly (sometimes I have to help with the back), and she can do a simple ponytail or braid.  I still have to do her bun for ballet.  She got it cut shoulder length when she was 6 (her choice), and she was so devestated that she will not consider cutting it now.  It was a cute style, but her long hair is also very cute on her.  All that to say, I wouldn't make her cut her hair if she wasn't ready.  I would highly encourage her to trim it though.

[katilac]

If you don't mind doing her hair, I don't see what the big deal is, or why she 'has' to be able to manage it. She's only 9!  Brushing and fixing her hair is one of those sweet things you're going to miss in a few years. 

 

Sometimes the hard thing about kids is figuring out what they need, and what's going on with their thoughts and emotions. Your dd is doing a great job telling you what she is struggling with, and what she needs! 

 

I would normally require a trim, but she might need extra assurance that a trim is all it would be, and I wouldn't insist right now if she's freaking out about it. Split ends aren't lovely, but they aren't the end of the world, either. 

 

She's obviously bright and mature, but she's still a little girl. Being more mature in general, and dealing with older people a lot, might mean she has more of a need to hold onto certain parts of childhood, not less. Let little be little, because big comes soon enough. 

[Wabi Sabi]

Yes, I would have her get it cut. 

Not cut short, and still left as long as possible, but I would stress that although she may keep her hair long, there is still a minimal amount of maintenance necessary to keep it in good shape.  My son has very long hair and while I'd personally prefer it shorter, it's his call, but trims to shape it up, get rid of split ends and keep it healthy are non-negotiable. 

[zoobie]

It depends on what you mean by complete freak out and panic. A true panic attack indicating anxiety issues? No, I'm not going to force that on my own. I'd get help to figure out the underlying issue and etcetera. A pre-teen meltdown? I'd wait until the sane child returns and present the trim matter of factly. Dead ends do need to be trimmed, and her hair will be much easier to manage with healthy ends.

 

Totally agree with braiding at night. The elastic doohickeys that are "no crease hair ties" work really well without pulling hair. It's just foldover elastic ("FOE") if you want to DIY some inexpensively.

[Wabi Sabi]

We're about to have to cut my son's hair despite his wishes to grow it out like dad. It's just big and thick on top and too long by the ears. I cannot imagine how long it would take to grow out to shoulder length. We have to tame it at least. Assuming hers is not out of control like our son's, I'd say let her keep some length. Is there a compromise? I think waist length and shoulder length are extremely different. Maybe something in between?

 

For the record, there's a thread about donating hair and a couple of us pointed out that LoL is not the best place to send hair. It often gets tossed.

http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/516852-my-daughter-has-hair-to-donate-how-do-we-go-about-it/?hl=%2Bdonate+%2Bhair&do=findComment&comment=5693126

When my son was growing out his hair we found that regular trims to keep it shaped were absolutely necessary. A good stylist can thin it out and shape it without taking off much length, and make it much more attractive during the growing-out stages. 

[Wheres Toto]

I had the same experience as umsami with my mother making me get a super short pixie cut when I was about 9 or 10.  Hated it.

 

My oldest has waist length hair until she was about 9 when she decided on her own to get it cut to about shoulder length.  My youngest now has waist length hair.  Neither could really do their own hair but sleeping with it braided went a long way toward keeping it manageable. 

[Dory]

I grew up with hair like that. I wouldn't make her cut it. I would make her have a trim though. I would push that healthy hair is an important part of good hygiene. She should have it braided or wear a nightcap at night though. Hair is just something I like to let the kids have a choice in. It's their heads. I just require that it is healthy. My dd is finally able to put a simple braid in her own hair every night all by herself. It takes practice.

 

It will tangle a lot less with a trim to keep it healthy though.

[Jean in Newcastle]

No forced cutting.

Braid it at night.  

[Loowit]

My mom cut my hair short when I was in 3rd grade and I hated it and was very upset.  She liked it because it was easier for her to manage, but I was devastated that my long hair was cut off.  I would never force my child to get a hair cut.  I would talk to them about trimming and how important that is.

 

DD has long hair and it is just in the last year that she has been able to fix it herself beyond a quick ponytail.  When she was 9 she still needed help with combing it out.  I really miss getting to help her with her hair now that she is older.

[KRG]

No, I would work on helping her to take care of it.  

[Aura]

"If you can't take care of your hair, then I am going to cut it." This is what I told my girls when they were 5-7 years old. They wouldn't do anything with their long hair and balked every time I tried to brush or put it up.  :glare: They wanted the long hair without the effort, and it just doesn't work that way.

 

They complained at all the tangles, complained when I tried to put it up or braid it to keep it from being tangles, didn't want me to help, and didn't even try to brush it themselves. I didn't expect them to do it all themselves, just for them to TRY and stop refusing help. 

 

If your dd is willing to put forth the effort to try to care for the long hair she likes, then I'd meet her there and help her with for it. But if she just wants the princess locks without even trying to care for it, then I'd chop it off.

[Lieutenant Stranger]

I wouldn't force, but I would do a heavy negotiation with her on cutting. My daughter was 7 and had the same issues, and I somehow negotiated having it cut to her shoulders. She then wanted it cut to a "Ramona" bob and now has claimed it is so easy, she does not want to grow it out.

 

Sometimes just mentioning an incentive to her and then backing off might be enough to help her realize she can cut a bit off. But, let it be her decision.

 

My stepmother, when I was 12, was bringing me in for a "trim." She told the lady to chop it all off. Must have been from shoulder-blade to a bit above my shoulders. I cried and cried, was so mad at her.

 

But, everyone had to agree-- what she did made a HUGE difference and it go rid of all the gross dead ends I had forever and was the beginning of really nice hair for me. Right around the same time, I learned to have an opinion on my clothes (for once) and I think with both things combined, 7th grade was much easier.

 

I would be a bit concerned that her identity is caught up in her hair. I would help her work on figuring out her own identity-- is she nice, friendly, smart, a kind person, good to animals, lover of babies, soccer player, food reader, lover of Harry Potter, excellent drawer, sweet daughter...there's so many other things she can be besides the girl with long hair.

[Luanne]

My daughter had that long of hair at that age.  She knew our agreement was either she brushes it out every day or she lets me brush it out.  Most of the time I did because it was just too difficult for her to at that point.  If she had fought me on taking care of it, I would have made her get it cut.

[Kalmia]

Do you have a comb hairdryer like this one? I used them when I was young and had long hair. They seem to prevent some of the tangling right after the wash.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Infiniti-Pro-Conair-Hair-Styler/dp/B001330XFA/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1404060025&sr=8-2&keywords=comb+hair+dryer

[catz]

I don't think it is uncommon for 9 year olds to still need some help with their hair.  My 9 year old does and he hardly has any hair.

 

My dd did get a hair cut one time because every day was a big whiney battle to get a brush through the hair.  I have no problem with helping.  But if it turned out to be 15 minutes of drama, that was more than I was willing to do.  And I've never forced her to a pixie.  It's always been at least shoulder length (well, except for that incident with her and a scissors at age 3  ;)

 

I still do my dd's hair a ton at 10 and put it into a bun for ballet, etc.  I just personally will not fight a kid about brushing and hygiene.  I love doing my dd's hair when she's receptive.  We love Cute Girl's Hairstyles on YouTube.  :) 

 

My dd had a trim in the last year and the cutter did a really good job explaining how healthy hair does not have split ends and why it's important to get regular trims.  Since then, she's ASKED for trims, which is awesome. She had to get 5 inches that time to get to the top of the split ends and it looked so much healthier, was so much easier to get a brush through, and was still about mid back. 

[Starr]

Dd would not cut her hair at nine! I still braided it and helped with combing it out . At 13 she took the scissors and cut it off to shoulder length one late night . I did suggest a planned haircut is more reasonable as I trimmed it up.

[Dmmetler]

I think we figured out part of the problem-DD essentially has a mini-me, and long hair is one way that the two of them are obviously different (and is something the other child cannot easily copy without several years of growth)-so that was part of what triggered the reaction when DH first suggest cutting 10+ inches off her hair. This morning, the idea of getting the split ends trimmed so it would be easier to comb is more acceptable to her once I realized that this might be the issue and asked her, point blank, if that was the problem. Last night, once he'd suggested cutting it that much, she just wasn't hearing anything else.

We have a really girly kid's salon here that is on the pricey side, but is good at dealing with kids, and they'd probably be better at suggesting things that would be a good option that would let her keep a style that's "her" but would also be easier for her to maintain, and would be an event.

 

 

 

 

[Word Nerd]

I think we figured out part of the problem-DD essentially has a mini-me, and long hair is one way that the two of them are obviously different (and is something the other child cannot easily copy without several years of growth)-so that was part of what triggered the reaction when DH first suggest cutting 10+ inches off her hair. This morning, the idea of getting the split ends trimmed so it would be easier to comb is more acceptable to her once I realized that this might be the issue and asked her, point blank, if that was the problem. Last night, once he'd suggested cutting it that much, she just wasn't hearing anything else.

We have a really girly kid's salon here that is on the pricey side, but is good at dealing with kids, and they'd probably be better at suggesting things that would be a good option that would let her keep a style that's "her" but would also be easier for her to maintain, and would be an event.

 

That's kind of what I figured. If the first mention of the possibility of cutting her hair was chopping off a foot of her hair or so for Locks of Love, it's understandable that she would overreact to the mere idea of a haircut. There are lots of long hair lengths between waist length and chin length. Hopefully with a stylist's help you can find a style that's easier to take care of and that is long enough to suit her.

 

[Paige]

I'd lean towards requiring her to learn to manage it, or getting it cut. There is no reason she shouldn't be capable of learning how.

 

If she is willing to take responsibility (by learning and giving a real effort) I wouldn't be inclined to make her cut it, but if it remained my responsibility, I'd feel justified in making a responsible decision about it.

 

(My decision would be 'as long as possible while staying manageable' and I would allow it to grow longer again as she showed responsibility for it.)

 

This is how I handled it with DS. He could no longer manage it. We warned him. I tried to teach him and help him manage it, but in the end he either physically couldn't keep up with it or he didn't care enough to do it. I'm not going to let him have a rat's nest or keep making everyone late because his brush was stuck. 

 

I made him cut it to a manageable length. We kept it as long as possible and took it back to the length it was before he had serious problems with tangling his brush in it. We told him if he kept it up after that, he could keep growing it but if not we'd cut it again and try again.

 

DS was not that mad and is doing a little better with his hair now. I think my DS is older than the OP's daughter, but I'd do the same with a younger child unless the child was willing to let me do her hair every day. I don't mind doing hair, but I do mind nobody doing the hair.

[Guest submarines]

If you don't mind doing her hair, I don't see what the big deal is, or why she 'has' to be able to manage it. She's only 9!  Brushing and fixing her hair is one of those sweet things you're going to miss in a few years. 

 

Sometimes the hard thing about kids is figuring out what they need, and what's going on with their thoughts and emotions. Your dd is doing a great job telling you what she is struggling with, and what she needs! 

 

I would normally require a trim, but she might need extra assurance that a trim is all it would be, and I wouldn't insist right now if she's freaking out about it. Split ends aren't lovely, but they aren't the end of the world, either. 

 

She's obviously bright and mature, but she's still a little girl. Being more mature in general, and dealing with older people a lot, might mean she has more of a need to hold onto certain parts of childhood, not less. Let little be little, because big comes soon enough. 

 

Great post.

[J-rap]

As others have said, I wouldn't force her to cut it, but I'd work with her on caring for it on her own.  There used to be a spray de-tangler that you could spray into your hair before brushing it.  Also, wide tooth combs work best, starting at the bottom and working up.  Would she at least wear it in braids or in a pony tail?  That would help a little with the tangles, and putting it into a braid at night would help the tangles too.

 

I have one daughter who even now doesn't like to fix her hair!  ha  (Mine are all older  :))  Her sisters and I started showing her cute classy SUPER short hairstyles a few years ago, and it worked.  She cut her hair really short and it looks darling.  Maybe you can leave some cute classy SHORT haircut photos lying around...

[Guest submarines]

I wouldn't force it, and I wouldn't force a trim either, but I'd be strongly encouraging it. :tongue_smilie:

 

My children have resisted trims. It helped to tell them that I'd do a "2mm trim." Yep, we started small. A 2 mm trim actually does make a difference, and yet they could see how little I was cutting and it was okay with them. This is how we got used to the idea of trims. It took some self control not to cut more, though. :w00t:

 

Two weeks ago DS, who had his hair down the middle of his back asked for a shoulder length. He was eager, and I couldn't find my hair cutting scissors, only the thinning ones. So I attempted a straight line with them. :w00t:  It actually worked out really well, though took some persistence. I also was able to sneak in some thinning up his head. It looks great.

 

I don't necessarily recommend the sneaking if she's still very upset, and I wouldn't have done this to DD, who's more high strung, but if you attempt a 2mm trim with the thinning scissors, there will be a lot of cutting noises for her to get used to, and you will have opportunities to actually do more work on the ends this way without sacrificing the length. Just an idea.

 

 

[melmichigan]

I had DD's hair cut, but she older and we've been dealing with this for a little while.  I warned her at the prior visit when the stylist (who has known my kids from birth) commented on how much trouble DD seemed to be having taking care of it that we would cut it if things didn't improve.  We had also discussed the care needed to maintain it the visit prior to that.  She refused my help in caring for it.  It wasn't healthy and she couldn't keep up with it so long.  I had it cut to shoulder length.  It looks nice, is a flattering style, and she is able to care for it properly on her own.  It took her a few days, but after numerous positive comments from others who noticed the difference, she is now happy with the change.

 

Your daughter is younger.  I insist on trims, but the amount trimmed is up to the stylist and the child.  I don't interfere with their choices as long as their hair is healthy and well cared for.

[texasmama]

I would ask her to let me trim it a bit, maybe an inch or so, but I would not make her cut it any shorter than this, in this circumstance.  I would do some education about how hair needs trimming to help keep it healthy and neat, using websites or a hairdresser to explain it if necessary.

 

Your dd has an emotional attachment to her hair, just as my dd has an emotional attachment to her stuffies.  It's a developmentally appropriate place to be and will pass.  :)

 

I have the opposite problem with my dd, who keeps wanting shorter hair...

[MistiDelaney]

I would never insist that my child cut his or her hair.  My youngest had knee length hair before he thought it was time to get his hair haircut at 11.

 

It's his head. 

 

When I was a child, my mother gave me no say at all over my hair and it was traumatic to me.  I would never do that to my child.

[Lara in Colo]

When my daughter was 8ish she had longer than shoulder length hair and she would hide behind it (in class she would avoid answering my questions-- with friends she would be more quiet and withdrawn)  I warned her to put it up, to stop pushing it forward and slinking behind it--- she would  not stop hiding behind her hair!!!

 

I cut it-- super short!

 

best think I ever did-- she blossomed, made friends became more outgoing and did better in school (since I could see her eyes  and make her answer questions)

[bobbeym]

Having waist-length hair myself, I'd insist on regular trims. My stylist suggests trims be done quarterly to keep long hair looking nice.

 

I'd never force a child to cut their hair though.  When I was 8, my mom hated the fuss I'd put up over having my bum-length hair brushed or braided. She threatened to cut it if I didn't take care of it myself.  I was 8 and really couldn't take care of it by myself, nor did she take the time to properly teach me to do so, and followed through with the threat to cut my hair.  Except she did it herself instead of taking me to a professional.  Epic.Fail.  I ended up with an ear-length bob.  I was depressed and embarrassed and so very glad I was spending the summer away from home so it would grow back out before school started.  I also never got over it and just thinking about it fuels resentment against her for it, even though my hair is now (32 years later) almost as long as it was back then.  

[Lavandula]

When my daughter was 8ish she had longer than shoulder length hair and she would hide behind it (in class she would avoid answering my questions-- with friends she would be more quiet and withdrawn)  I warned her to put it up, to stop pushing it forward and slinking behind it--- she would  not stop hiding behind her hair!!!

 

I cut it-- super short!

 

best think I ever did-- she blossomed, made friends became more outgoing and did better in school (since I could see her eyes  and make her answer questions)

This seems more like the exception than the rule. Many, many people will tell you that they had this done to them and it deeply bothered them and stuck with them. I can tell ya my mom did that and it bothered me too.

 

OP also mentioned nothing about her daughter hiding behind her hair.