Doing things without an adult--movies, wandering in town, etc.?

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

At what age would you let kids see a movie on their own? How about with a younger sibling tagging along? I have a couple of girls who are eager to start doing this, and I'm wondering when most people consider it feasible. I started working in a movie theater several times a week when I was 13, so my perception is probably a little skewed, LOL!

 

At what age would you let a couple of kids wander on the main street in a well-populated, safe college town without an adult (well, with cell phones and with an adult within a few minutes drive)? On this issue, my instincts scream NO! But then again, these kids would be walking to and from school every day long before now, and possibly doing so while parents are at work, so again, I think my perception is skewed.

 

I'm curious what other people think about these sorts of things. 

 

Thanks!

[skimomma]

We are in a a very similar situation.  My dd is 10 (almost 11) and we started allowing her to walk/bike around our smallish college town this summer....both with a friend and on her own.  She is required to take certain routes that avoid difficult road crossings, she must have her cell phone, and must keep us informed anytime she is on the move.  While I believe I am a bit more lax than most on this board, it seems to be the norm for my area.  All of her friends are also allowed the same freedom. 

 

I would be less comfortable with the movie situation.  Ours is frequently almost empty which makes the possibility of needing help and not having anyone around too high for me.  I think that would have to be closer to 12/13 before I would be comfortable with it.

[Amira]

Depends on so many things.  I'm not a big fan of younger teens just wandering the streets; I like them to have a plan with a destination and expected time of return. 

 

In Kyrgyzstan, I let my 11yo and 13yo walk 5 km round trip on their own to after-school activities.  When we lived just outside Washington DC, I let them ride the metro into DC on their own to go to museums at 12 and 14. In Seattle, I let them go a few blocks on their own to the store at 9 and 11.  

[Laura Corin]

Depending on the child, eight, nine or ten.

 

L

[swellmomma]

I would allow my teens to do this already but we have to drive 2 hours to go to the theatre so it never comes up.  My ds15 and dd14 do roam town on their own, go out to eat with friends, go to the teen drop in center, library etc.  They take ds10 and dd6 with them when they are babysitting, ds10 is allowed to go to the library both in my town and the town I work in alone.  He walks from the library in the town I work in to my work on his own if my teens are away.  Here in the town we live in he goes to the post office, grocery store etc on his own. He is allowed to go across town to buy ice cream or play in the fort he is creating in a stand of trees.

When we lived in the city my older kids were 11 and 10 when they started riding their bike to the library and mcdonald's alone.  They had to leave our neighborhood, go partway around the manmade lake, up a walkway, across the parking lot and there they were.  Worked out to be about a 15 minute bike ride through that part of the city on their own.  They would then either call me to meet them if they checked out too much to carry on their own, or ride back home.  They were allowed to ride bikes or walk around the lake on their own at the same ages, go to the convenience store etc.  My rule of thumb has been when they hit double digits I loosen the reins and allow them to do their own thing as long as they follow the rules in place-home by the time told, check in with me, don't leave the "zone" allowed...meaning when my teens rode their bikes across the 4 lane extremely busy highway at ages 13 and 12 to try and bike ride the 50km to another town they lost their bikes for a month.  Ride around town but for goodness sakes stay in town.  If we still lived in the city they would be allowed to go to the movies or mall etc with friends without me at about 13.

At this point dd6 has the tightest regulations, she can't leave our block alone but she can go on her own to call on her friend (walk past one house, cross 2 quiet streets and then walk 4 houses more- I can see her friend's house from mine but it is on the opposite side of the street further down the block).  I do not watch her come and go from there, she can cross that road no problem.  But she is not allowed up 1 street to main street on her own yet.

[Lavandula]

In our town it's tradition for the 5th graders at the main elementary school to walk downtown on Fridays. The main part of the town is a nice liberal arts college and there's a library and lots of little shops. Kids usually had parents near by or phones, and went in groups. They were all 10/11, DD was 10. DD goes to the movies with her friends and no adults, probably started when she was around 11 too. I think it of course depends on maturity but if they have a way to contact you and a friend or two I'd probably be fine with it.

[Joker]

I let my 14 yr dd go with friends to the movies and I also let her go with my other dd who is 12.

 

We are not close to downtown but they walk the 1.5 miles (all sidewalk) to the local shopping strip which has a McDs, grocery store, pizza place, and smoothie place. Lots of kids, including much younger than my own, walk to this strip all day most days.

 

Our downtown area, which is also a college area and historic district, has been complaining a lot this past year about the number of young teens wandering around alone so I wouldn't let mine.  I would just worry about them encountering too many adults, including officers, who don't want them down there.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I would be less comfortable with the movie situation.  Ours is frequently almost empty which makes the possibility of needing help and not having anyone around too high for me.  I think that would have to be closer to 12/13 before I would be comfortable with it.

 

This is what I was thinking about the movies too. I tend to like seeing movies that have been out awhile so the theater is nearly empty, but I'd have to make sure the theater is more populated if they were alone so I could feel more comfortable. The girls in question are 12 and 13, though, so maybe we're past that milestone now.

 

This topic was somewhat controversial in a thread about dropping off kids at the theater. I cannot find the thread at the moment.

 

A thread here, controversial? Never!!!!  :tongue_smilie: I did a quick search but didn't see one either, and I don't recall reading one, but pretty much everything has come up here at one time or another. 

 

Our downtown area, which is also a college area and historic district, has been complaining a lot this past year about the number of young teens wandering around alone so I wouldn't let mine.  I would just worry about them encountering too many adults, including officers, who don't want them down there.

 

This is a real shame :( Then again, I wonder what kind of behavior is going on that is making business owners complain. How unfortunate! These girls have a set path when they wander in town: lunch at cafe, hour or so in bookstore, hour or so in frozen yogurt cafe (with books and games and lots of seating), then call for pickup. There's been some question of how near an adult has to be (like is sitting at Starbucks ok, or can the parent go home, which is less than 10 minutes away). Lewelma mentioned in a recent thread about how her boys have been known to just head home from town on their own when they're bored with it, texting her on the way, and that started me thinking about my expectations WRT to these sorts of things.

 

I know that I was all over town on my bike and on foot when I was 10, with and without my friends, with my parents off at work 20-30 minutes away, and no cell phones. I wish my kids could have that kind of freedom! Our current town isn't set up like that though :(

[zoobie]

Voilà:

http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/517247-kids-going-to-the-movies-alone/

 

Edited to answer Q...

The theater nearest me has an unattended minor rule. I'd let oldest DD (nearly 11) go to a different movie with a friend if I were in the building.

 

Someone else said she is not a fan of "wandering" and I agree. In our old college town, if I were also downtown, oldest DD and friend could go to another restaurant or shop. She sucks at crossing the street (constant work in progress), so it would need to be on the same side of the block.

[Ali in OR]

Do people in this thread mention "college town" thinking that means it is safe? We live in a college town too, and I teach my girls that it means it is a target for guys who want to hurt young women/girls. We had a horrific kidnap/rape/murder 10 years ago--guy in a van asking young women around campus for directions, middle of the morning. There are attempted or successful attacks most every year it seems. I'm not saying it means girls/young women can never go anywhere, but they do need to learn how to do things in a safer way. If you like jogging, don't go by yourself in the pre-dawn hours. Park in well-lit, safe areas. Etc.

 

Where I grew up, my sister and neighbor and I would bike downtown and get ice cream or candy. We had a safe route and we were a group. Where I live now, we're on the outskirts of town. No really safe way to get anywhere of interest, and it's several miles in to town. If my kids wanted to do something on their own in an easier/safer area, my big thing would be that they have to stay together.

[Χά�ων]

Depending on the child, eight, nine or ten.

 

L

This.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Do people in this thread mention "college town" thinking that means it is safe? 

 

I don't know about others, but I mentioned that it was a college town to give a sense of what the population looked like during the day (as in, always people walking around vs. a town that empties out during working hours). Regardless of what kind of town, if there were reports of incidents of luring, violence, abductions, etc., I wouldn't even be asking the question. We live near two college towns--I don't consider one particularly safe for even adults walking around alone, on or off campus, but the other is an extremely affluent, popular destination with a thriving main street and very low crime statistics.

 

Voilà:

http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/517247-kids-going-to-the-movies-alone/

 

Edited to answer Q...

The theater nearest me has an unattended minor rule. I'd let oldest DD (nearly 11) go to a different movie with a friend if I were in the building.

 

Someone else said she is not a fan of "wandering" and I agree. In our old college town, if I were also downtown, oldest DD and friend could go to another restaurant or shop. She sucks at crossing the street (constant work in progress), so it would need to be on the same side of the block.

 

Thank you for the link! I didn't even think of the theater having a rule about it. I'll definitely call them and ask.

[skimomma]

Do people in this thread mention "college town" thinking that means it is safe? We live in a college town too, and I teach my girls that it means it is a target for guys who want to hurt young women/girls. We had a horrific kidnap/rape/murder 10 years ago--guy in a van asking young women around campus for directions, middle of the morning. There are attempted or successful attacks most every year it seems. I'm not saying it means girls/young women can never go anywhere, but they do need to learn how to do things in a safer way. If you like jogging, don't go by yourself in the pre-dawn hours. Park in well-lit, safe areas. Etc.

 

 

 

In my case, I mentioned "college town" because that means many things are within close walking distance and motorists are used to driving around pedestrians.....which does make me feel more comfortable allowing my 10 yo to walk around.

 

But now that I have chewed on the above for a moment, I have to say that I would never tell my female child that our town is "a target for guys who want to hurt young women."  What a sad thing to say about male college students!  While I suppose college towns have varying degrees of "safeness" as do any other towns, I think each person has to assess the safety of where they live and take that into consideration when deciding what your kids should or should not do.....college town or not.

 

One guy in a van 10 years ago would not make me live in fear for the rest of my life.  Sorry.  I just find that incredibly sad.  Anyone can look up the crime statistics for their area.  In my case, it is extremely low and very seldom involves the local college population.  I would much rather take the minuscule chance of something awful happening rather than live in fear.

[Ali in OR]

In my case, I mentioned "college town" because that means many things are within close walking distance and motorists are used to driving around pedestrians.....which does make me feel more comfortable allowing my 10 yo to walk around.

 

But now that I have chewed on the above for a moment, I have to say that I would never tell my female child that our town is "a target for guys who want to hurt young women."  What a sad thing to say about male college students!  While I suppose college towns have varying degrees of "safeness" as do any other towns, I think each person has to assess the safety of where they live and take that into consideration when deciding what your kids should or should not do.....college town or not.

 

One guy in a van 10 years ago would not make me live in fear for the rest of my life.  Sorry.  I just find that incredibly sad.  Anyone can look up the crime statistics for their area.  In my case, it is extremely low and very seldom involves the local college population.  I would much rather take the minuscule chance of something awful happening rather than live in fear.

 

There are attacks every year--3 last fall that they think were all the same attacker, never caught. The one 10 years ago was just particularly horrific in a national news kind of way. And I'm not making a comment about male college students. The attacker in that case lived in another town, was not a college student, but very obviously targeted our population. It's a great town with a low overall crime rate, but that doesn't mean that bad things can't happen here. I don't live in fear, but I do try to live smart. I'll teach my daughters to do the same.

[skimomma]

There are attacks every year--3 last fall that they think were all the same attacker, never caught. The one 10 years ago was just particularly horrific in a national news kind of way. And I'm not making a comment about male college students. The attacker in that case lived in another town, was not a college student, but very obviously targeted our population. It's a great town with a low overall crime rate, but that doesn't mean that bad things can't happen here. I don't live in fear, but I do try to live smart. I'll teach my daughters to do the same.

 

Ah.  I misunderstood your original post.  In a situation like that, I might give more pause.  Especially is young girls are the target.  

[unsinkable]

Well, once my kids crawl out of my uterus (on their own, I'm not enabling them by pushing or anything) they are free to wander at will.

 

/end sarcasm

 

I'd say roughly 10 year olds can ride or walk "into town" for ice cream, window shopping, etc.

 

8 and 9 year olds can ride around the neighborhood.

 

Under that, 7 year olds...pretty much stay on their own street.

 

(Our residential neighborhood is bordered by some major streets with thousands of cars daily and there isn't a "town" per se. But...in various directions, there are ice cream and pizza places. BC of the traffic, they had to be at least 10 for that. But within our neighborhood, there is a convenient store, parks, library, pool, etc. I let them go to those place alone at younger than 10.)

[Chris in VA]

Mine's 14--I'd let her go to a movie with a friend and maybe pick her up an hour afterwards, but it'd have to be the theater in the complex I know very well, not the Outlet Mall theater that's south of here.

 

But I wouldn't let her wander a town. Any town.

 

I'm sorta a weird mix of free range and protective.

[zoobie]

Do people in this thread mention "college town" thinking that means it is safe? We live in a college town too, and I teach my girls that it means it is a target for guys who want to hurt young women/girls. We had a horrific kidnap/rape/murder 10 years ago--guy in a van asking young women around campus for directions, middle of the morning. There are attempted or successful attacks most every year it seems. I'm not saying it means girls/young women can never go anywhere, but they do need to learn how to do things in a safer way. If you like jogging, don't go by yourself in the pre-dawn hours. Park in well-lit, safe areas. Etc.

 

Where I grew up, my sister and neighbor and I would bike downtown and get ice cream or candy. We had a safe route and we were a group. Where I live now, we're on the outskirts of town. No really safe way to get anywhere of interest, and it's several miles in to town. If my kids wanted to do something on their own in an easier/safer area, my big thing would be that they have to stay together.

I said my old college town, so I'm thinking of a specific place. It's got a quaint downtown area that is very nice to walk around in during the day. It wouldn't be appropriate for tweens alone during bar-hopping night hours, of course. Summer daytime hours it's mostly locals who are out frolicking with all the college kids gone. There are cute little shops, local restaurants, coffee shop, ice cream place, old fashioned drug store, etc. Crime certainly happens, but it is not a hotbed for pervs.

[Sun]

Mine is 11.5. He is, at this very moment, a mile or so away at the grocery store. I regularly see kids from perhaps 2nd or 3rd-grade age walking to or from school, and I regularly see kids from about 4th grade or so and up walking around to the stores and parks. No one has ever harassed my child or his friends for doing so, but it is quite common around where I live (upper middle class area). I live in a metropolitan area of about 4 million (but in the city itself, not a suburb), fwiw.

[Joyofsixreboot]

10ish if a responsible kid.

[skimomma]

So I have a question for anyone who feels like answering.  In certain parts of the city I get approached for money pretty regularly.  I don't tend to carry any money.  If I happen to have a couple of bucks and I feel safe I will give people money.  But I always wonder what to tell my kids.  I don't think they should give anyone money.  And I worry about someone taking their money.  This is one big reason I really don't think it's so safe for them to be alone around here.  I don't prefer to be alone, but I'm not really afraid.  I just don't know what to tell my kids in terms of how to handle that.

And this is not to say that people who ask for money are anymore likely to just take the money from a kid, but I am not dumb enough to think that isn't possible.

 

This does not happen where I live.  But we have discussed it because it has happened at various places we have visited.  We have taught dd to make eye contact and simply say "Sorry, no," then to keep walking. If the person persists or she otherwise feels uncomfortable, she is to go into a nearby store/bank/whatever or seek out another adult to walk near until she is far enough away to feel comfortable.  

[Jean in Newcastle]

In our small city (which has no movie theater):  riding bicycle around the block - 8 or 9.  riding bicycle to the small park a block away and staying awhile - 10.  riding bicycle to library, grocery store, park - 11.  riding bicycle to bigger park farther away - 12.  Being dropped off at the mall with a friend or older sibling - 12  Riding to the Y and hanging out there for hours with only incidental supervison - 12  I wouldn't consider an actual movie theater by self until much older because it is dark in there.  With a friend or two - probably at age 12 or 13 though it hasn't come up.  

[EKS]

I let my son see movies with his friend when they were both almost 11yo.  We live in a pretty safe area.

[SKL]

Whenever the kid is ready.  This is going to vary broadly.

 

I was ready for all that under 10yo.  Some kids are not.  Only the parents can really say.

 

If you have not already, start sending them on short errands and see how they do.  Expand as appropriate.

[Amber in SJ]

 I live in a big city.  I don't drive so my kids are used to walking with me everywhere.  At 12 they can walk/ ride their bike  the 1 mile to TKD, the 1.5 mile to the library, the 1.5 mile to the grocery and to any of the 5 neighborhood parks that are in that radius.  They take my cell phone because they don't have their own at that point.  They will also sometimes have a younger sibling in tow.  At 14 they are generally taking at least one class that requires public transportation (light rail or bus.)  Once they figure out the light rail they can get themselves to to mall/ theater.  Also at 14 they generally get their own phone.  I am not a huge fan of my pre-teens and young teens wandering around the streets with no destination.  If they want to meet a friend at the library then go to the doughnut shop  at the shopping center next door, great.  If they want to meet a friend at the mall to see a movie and do a little window shopping, fine.  Randomly wandering the streets of San Jose with no destination or plans?  Just doesn't work for me.  Around here you could have a 4-6 lane "expressway" to cross with multiple freeways emptying on to it.  There are also pan handlers at all the major intersections and some of them get aggressive.

 

I grew up in a tiny town.  Everyone knew everyone else.  At 9 years old I was sent on my bike to the grocery store with a list and a check that my mom had signed but was otherwise blank to pick up groceries.  It depends so much on the child, where you live, and what your own tolerances are.

 

Amber in SJ

[Dory]

My 10 and 9 year old walk places together or with a friend, but never alone. At this point they go to the library and the pool alone. I would drop them off at the theater but I wouldn't let them walk there. I grew up in a small town and I basically went wherever I wanted/needed to go on my own by the time I was 10. I was on my bike a LOT.

[Lavandula]

I said my old college town, so I'm thinking of a specific place. It's got a quaint downtown area that is very nice to walk around in during the day. It wouldn't be appropriate for tweens alone during bar-hopping night hours, of course. Summer daytime hours it's mostly locals who are out frolicking with all the college kids gone. There are cute little shops, local restaurants, coffee shop, ice cream place, old fashioned drug store, etc. Crime certainly happens, but it is not a hotbed for pervs.

Yep, that's pretty much how it is here. Most of the locals here are older people closer to elderly who walk around or hang out in the library, or families.

[Starr]

I don't know. Mine were kept close to home at 10 and off to Europe alone  at 17. :D

[Susan in TN]

Dd15 started walking or biking "downtown" with friends when she was about 13. It's about 1 1/2 miles, safe neighborhood and old fashioned downtown area - think upscale Mayberry. She always had a phone with her and she is quite level headed.

 

My 18yo took my 11yo on a 4 mile bike ride around town not too long ago. Made me a little nervous with car traffic around but ds is a very experienced cyclist so I trusted that he would take dd on a safe route.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Dd just called to ask if she could go for Fro Yo with some friends.  I said "yes".   :001_smile:

[catz]

This depends on so many things.  Where you are.  The child's personality.  The child's size.  I don't like pointless wandering necessarily.  My 13 year old has many freedoms now and yes, I would allow him to go see a movie in our urban area with a friend.  He has a phone.   My 10 year old dd JUST got a phone, mostly because she dances 4 nights a week and has had anxiety in the past when she can't get a hold of us.  I will let her walk our neighborhood (urban, but generally safe) with a friend. 

[abba12]

This is what my parents did. The age is the age of the eldest sibling, younger ones over age 7 or 8 could tag along for most things.

 

Edited to Add - It's just occurred to me that it might be very relevant to mention that I am legally blind. Until my mothers breakdown, my parents were really good about never letting my lack of vision interfere with things if I was capable of something. I received orientation training from guide dogs at 14 when I got my white cane, and they trusted that I had learnt how to do things as well as any sighted teen, or that I knew my limitations if I didn't. It was definitely the right decision for me and as an adult I appreciate that they gave me that freedom. In hindsight, a lot of people wouldn't have trusted me to be as capable as I was. One example, when I was 16, allowing me to travel an hour to the city and walk to an area of town I didn't know to attend my first real job interview, completely alone, is something many visually impaired teens probably wouldn't have been allowed to do while some sighted teens would have been encouraged to do it. I'm glad they encouraged me, or at least didn't hold me back.

 

8ish, depending on the maturity and sense of the child - Walk in the same small shopping center as parent, but different stores (buying christmas presents, looking at something while mum gets the groceries, running an errand like popping into the newsagents). Also, doing any of the later things with an older sibling. This is basically about the age my parents decided we were old enough to be trusted to begin learning independence and responsibility and they began letting go. Before this we weren't even trusted to behave for older siblings.

 

10 - walk around large shopping center or small town independently - We lived in a small town and mum did, at one point, work in a storefront in the afternoons. We would go to the library ourselves, or on the weekend we might have our friends meet us and go buy fish and chips and go to the park. We could christmas shop in the big shopping centers/malls by ourselves with a meeting time, and if we went to an event at the showgrounds we could go off on our own and meet our parents back at a set time

 

12 - Roam around the neighbourhood - We could go ride our bikes on the service road, walk to the park which was a fair distance away and play out in the bush (woods?), Go between friends houses. This was delayed so long not because of maturity as such, but we live on the side of a highway, but in a rural area, so fast cars and big trucks were a danger, but at the same time so were snakes and certain more aggressive animals (remember those 'why I couldn't live in Australia threads?' :D ). Obviously a big part of that for me was my vision impairment made those dangers bigger for me. I WAS allowed to do those things with friends from about age 10, but not with younger siblings or alone until 12.

 

13-14 - Movies alone and evening trips with an older, non parent chaperone - The reason movies were delayed this long was, again, not our maturity as such, but because of other people. My mum may have been fine with me going to a busy premier, but most films during the day are nearly empty, and that sort of seclusion in a dark, noisy room seems very dangerous and perfect for predators. The issue with theaters is not the child, it's the other people who will/wont be present. And this is the year I began attending youth group, which often involved bus trips or car pooling to various events. I was picked up for bible study by an older teen, and at this age my friends and I were allowed to go out and do things like camping, or dinner and a movie together, but the eldest in our group of 8 was 17 when I was 13 and obviously a very 'good' boy, which is part of why they allowed it.

 

15 - Day trip alone - At this age I was trusted to catch a bus to the big city an hour away, spend the day there, and get home before dinner. I was expected to be able to handle anything that I might encounter in a city

 

16 - Trips away - At this age my parents allowed me to go on a 3 day camping trip 4 hours away with a group of friends ranging in age from 15 - 20

 

Obviously it depends on the child and their maturity, I was an oldest child and, had my next sister along not had me there to watch her she may not have had permission quite as early as me, but, I think for me these ages were quite appropriate (except for the roaming the neighborhood thing, I still maintain that should have been allowed earlier). Sure I got into some teenage mischief but nothing too serious or that I wouldn't want my kids repeating, and I had a lot of confidence because I felt secure and capable. It made the transition to independence in adulthood much easier to handle.

[Carrie12345]

I really can't say without being IN the situation.  I suspect I'd let my kids "roam free" from an early age if we were in my suburban hometown.  Where we are now, there's nowhere to roam, really.  And our nearest college town is not what I would consider "safe". Yet they get a pretty long leash at our nearest amusement park.

 

There are way too many factors (including individual child ability/personality) to make a general statement.

[Trish]

In my case, I mentioned "college town" because that means many things are within close walking distance and motorists are used to driving around pedestrians.....which does make me feel more comfortable allowing my 10 yo to walk around.

 

But now that I have chewed on the above for a moment, I have to say that I would never tell my female child that our town is "a target for guys who want to hurt young women."  What a sad thing to say about male college students!  While I suppose college towns have varying degrees of "safeness" as do any other towns, I think each person has to assess the safety of where they live and take that into consideration when deciding what your kids should or should not do.....college town or not.

 

One guy in a van 10 years ago would not make me live in fear for the rest of my life.  Sorry.  I just find that incredibly sad.  Anyone can look up the crime statistics for their area.  In my case, it is extremely low and very seldom involves the local college population.  I would much rather take the minuscule chance of something awful happening rather than live in fear.

 

Well if trouble pops up, it's a comfort to know it's statistically unlikely!

 

That's why I use a seatbelt every time I get in the car, driving in fear and all that.

 

[skimomma]

Well if trouble pops up, it's a comfort to know it's statistically unlikely!

 

That's why I use a seatbelt every time I get in the car, driving in fear and all that.

 

 

Well.....statistically one has a MUCH bigger chance of being in a car accident than being abducted by someone in a van (or otherwise being harmed while walking around a relatively safe community).  

 

And, wearing your seatbelt is not "driving in fear."  It is being as prepared as possible in the event that something unfortunate happens.  Just like teaching children what to do if they feel uncomfortable or are approached by a van driven by a psycho kidnapper.  In either case, the seatbelt and/or teaching is not 100% guaranteed to prevent injury.  But it sure doesn't hurt to employ both.

 

I actually think that it is not outside of the realm of reason to decide to never drive/ride in a car due to the risk of injury.  It is not a choice I make myself.  I have weighed the risks and decided that being able to go places in a timely manner is worth the risk.  But I am far more worried about my dd being injured in a car accident than while walking to our local park.  And the statistics verify my concerns.

 

I am in no way nay-saying those who have different rules for their own kids based on safety of their community and maturity of the child in question.  No one can make that call better those in the situation, obviously.  I do think it is important, though, to take a moment to evaluate the real risk and safety of a given community before allowing fear to unnecessarily limit a child's activities.   

[Cosmos]

Several people said they were okay with going to a destination but don't encourage "wandering". What's that all about? In my mind that's called "going for a walk" and is a very healthy activity -- exercise, clears the mind, etc. But maybe you all are picturing something different.

 

To answer the question for my own family, my ds started going to the corner store on his own around age 10. We live about a half-mile from our small town's downtown area, where there is lots to do -- library, post office, community center, etc. Around age 11, he started biking on his own to art classes downtown.  Now at age 13 (actually he turns 14 today!) he goes lots of places on his own, by foot, bike, or public transit.

[goldberry]

Thanks for this thread.  I think I need to reassess my parameters for DD15.  A couple of weeks ago her and a friend went to the mall.  Other mom and I dropped them off, but stayed at the mall in the food court.  I did not follow them around... but I felt like I wanted to!  This is hard...

[goldberry]

This has never come up here as it's a full 5 miles to town, with some major hills. My children have walked from the library jobs to classes at the college in town but not until 14 or 15. The kids have ridden out several miles on their horses but they were still on the ranch. They've camped out miles from the ranch but only with 2 or 3 of them. The bigger worry is bears and lions.

 

I told DD when we moved here I never had to worry about her sneaking out at night, because she would be eaten by bears before she ever got anywhere! :) Exaggerating obviously... but it's definitely a deterrent!

[Amira]

Several people said they were okay with going to a destination but don't encourage "wandering". What's that all about? In my mind that's called "going for a walk" and is a very healthy activity -- exercise, clears the mind, etc. But maybe you all are picturing something different.

 

To answer the question for my own family, my ds started going to the corner store on his own around age 10. We live about a half-mile from our small town's downtown area, where there is lots to do -- library, post office, community center, etc. Around age 11, he started biking on his own to art classes downtown.  Now at age 13 (actually he turns 14 today!) he goes lots of places on his own, by foot, bike, or public transit.

 

Going for a walk is perfectly fine with me, but it's different from wandering.  I also like exploring and that's different from wandering too.  It's probably just about how we define the words.  I guess wandering has no purpose but walking and exploring do. :)

 

I wouldn't care to send my 15-year-old out, by himself, with no idea of where he's going or who he might meet up with, and no plan for when he'd be back. If we lived in a safer city and he said that he wanted to take the bus downtown and might stop at the library or go to a movie or maybe get lunch, and would be home in 4 hours, that would be fine with me even though he might, in a way, be wandering part of the time.

[Cosmos]

Going for a walk is perfectly fine with me, but it's different from wandering.  I also like exploring and that's different from wandering too.  It's probably just about how we define the words.  I guess wandering has no purpose but walking and exploring do. :)

 

I wouldn't care to send my 15-year-old out, by himself, with no idea of where he's going or who he might meet up with, and no plan for when he'd be back. If we lived in a safer city and he said that he wanted to take the bus downtown and might stop at the library or go to a movie or maybe get lunch, and would be home in 4 hours, that would be fine with me even though he might, in a way, be wandering part of the time.

 

No, I wouldn't be okay with the bolded either. But I'm fine with, "I'm going downtown and I'll be back by 5." And then he might go down to the river to look at the ducks, stop in at the community center for a drink at the water fountain, go over to the eyeglass store to get his frames adjusted (he needs this constantly!), go to the game store and maybe play a game if anyone's around, walk on the trail for a little bit, stop at the library to cool off, stop at the corner store to buy some candy, etc. I would call that wandering, and I'm fine with it.

[LibraryLover]

My young teen takes public transportation every day.

[Ravin]

My DD (10.5) has been told that she is free to go anywhere she is confident she can get to on public transit/bike/feet. She takes herself to the pool, which is about 1/3 mi. from here on the other side of a busy 5-lane road. She goes a bit or of her way to cross at a light. She has gone to the library on the bus by herself.

 

Since her friends'parents don't allow such freedom, she's not done more with a friend than go to BK for a cone (which doesn't require crossing the road, just walking down the sidewalk beside it).

 

She's had freedom within our neighborhood since about age 6. Our neighborhood is a big U with some cross streets between the arms, with the ends going out to that same major road. So it was easy to set boundaries--don't go out to the road!

 

She is a sensible, cautious kid in most ways, and knows to tell someone where she's going. She must have her cell phone with her, except for pool outings. Boundaries after dark are within the neighborhood (kids here are more likely to play outside after dark because it's too hot in daytime).