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GinaPagnato

How are children being forgotten in hot cars?

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I'd love to see more sympathy for children than the parents. If the parents had so little feeling and thought for their child that they forgot it in a car, why would I assume they have more feeling when they caused the infant's death. Many people are using our own feelings of empathy and transferring them to people who may not be feeling that at all. I'd rather that these people guilty of man-slaughter feel bad because they are inside jail. Perhaps if this was the consequence more people would remember their children in cars.

 

This seems to be a case of being distracted and negligent, so why should people's response be compassion for the parents who were negligent in the first place? It is so sad how children's lives seem to hold so little value in our society.

Huh? Of course we have sympathy for the poor children who have suffered and died. It's offensive and absurd to suggest those who ALSO (it's not instead of) have sympathy for the parents involved must place little value on children's lives.
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I'd love to see more sympathy for children than the parents. If the parents had so little feeling and thought for their child that they forgot it in a car, why would I assume they have more feeling when they caused the infant's death. Many people are using our own feelings of empathy and transferring them to people who may not be feeling that at all. I'd rather that these people guilty of man-slaughter feel bad because they are inside jail. Perhaps if this was the consequence more people would remember their children in cars.

 

This seems to be a case of being distracted and negligent, so why should people's response be compassion for the parents who were negligent in the first place? It is so sad how children's lives seem to hold so little value in our society.

If you drive your kids somewhere in rush hour and a car rear ends you, are you negligent for putting them in a situation where an accident is more likely?

 

If you have a genetic predisposition to a horrible disease and you choose to have children anyway, are you responsible for the suffering of the child if they inherit the illness?

 

Should domestic violence victims be prosecuted for not leaving an abuser if their child is abused?

 

Where would you draw the line with negligence? When I had two young children, 14 months apart, I knew there was a risk I would be in a situation where I could be by myself and not able to give 100% attention to both kids at the same time. I've had kids slip in parking lots and scrape knees. If the non-injured child took off and got hit by a car while I helped the other one up, would I be negligent? Do you really think prosecuting parents is the best way to save lives?

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I've never forgotten a kid in the car but I've definitely driven the wrong place out of habit or in a fog.  I've turned around slightly panicked to check that a kid is in the car or had to sit and think for a minute where a child is when they aren't with me.   I've forgotten to buckle a child into a car seat if I was interrupted while putting them in.

 

I could see how it could happen. 

 

I was cleaning my garage last weekend and had my car unlocked because I was loading up stuff to bring for donations.  Youngest dd came out to talk to me and then, I thought, went back in the house.  She told me a little bit later that she was sitting in the car but it was too hot.  Our garage door is right at the road and the driveway next to the garage so I couldn't see the cars at all from inside the garage.  We used to have the child safety locks on all the time but recently took them off.  If they were still on, she may not have been able to get out of the car.  I THINK she would have thought to climb in the front seat to leave or honk the horn at least but I don't know for sure. 

 

I once locked myself out of the house while ds was sleeping on our bed.  He was very little, just a few months old.  I was so scared he was going to roll over and fall off our bed, which has a pillowtop and is pretty far off the ground.  And we have concrete slab under the carpeting so very hard floors.   I had to run up the road, in my socks, in the rain, to get the spare key from a neighbor who used to watch our dogs.  We started keeping a key hidden outside after that and switch the locks to ones you can't open the door if the lock is in the locked position.

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A friend suggested that you always leave a 'necessary' item in the back seat with your baby - like your wallet or phone, so that you will always have to turn around and look in the back seat. I think it's a great idea. The thought of unknowingly leaving a child in a car is terrifying to me.

 

I don't think I'd walk away from the car without my purse, but I could easily see my dh walking away without his wallet. He actually does sometimes leave home without it. Both of us could forget our cellphones because we're just not that attached to them.  Another suggestion I've read is to always put the diaper bag on the front seat as a reminder that you have the baby with you.

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It does seem like it would be hard to forget, but if it's not yet a normal part of the routine, I can see it happening. I know of parents who have gotten halfway home from church before remembering the baby was in the nursery. 

 

About 25 years ago, I had a co-worker whose husband forgot that it was his turn to drop off the baby at Grandma's house for the day. Mom left for work first, and then Dad left a short while later, leaving the baby in the crib. Grandma called Mom at work to ask if the baby was sick or something. Grandma rushed over, and baby was fine -- a little hungry, and needed a clean diaper, but no permanent harm. 

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I left my 10 year old at the dance studio once.  He doesn't usually come with me, but that day he sat in a corner and read a book.  The studio was very, very crowded and busy that day and I just wanted to get out of there, get home, and get dinner.  I was all the way to the car with my dd before I realized I forgot him.  One of my dance mom friends was sitting near him, realized I had left without him and asked him if his mom would be back.  She said he shrugged, said I'd be back when I remembered him, and went back to reading his book.

 

I have nothing but sympathy for good parents who lose a child in this tragic way.  A momentary lapse or a change in routine is all it takes.

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If you drive your kids somewhere in rush hour and a car rear ends you, are you negligent for putting them in a situation where an accident is more likely?

 

If you have a genetic predisposition to a horrible disease and you choose to have children anyway, are you responsible for the suffering of the child if they inherit the illness?

 

Should domestic violence victims be prosecuted for not leaving an abuser if their child is abused?

 

Where would you draw the line with negligence? When I had two young children, 14 months apart, I knew there was a risk I would be in a situation where I could be by myself and not able to give 100% attention to both kids at the same time. I've had kids slip in parking lots and scrape knees. If the non-injured child took off and got hit by a car while I helped the other one up, would I be negligent? Do you really think prosecuting parents is the best way to save lives?

Yes to the horrible disease and not leaving the abuser.

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I'd love to see more sympathy for children than the parents. If the parents had so little feeling and thought for their child that they forgot it in a car, why would I assume they have more feeling when they caused the infant's death. Many people are using our own feelings of empathy and transferring them to people who may not be feeling that at all. I'd rather that these people guilty of man-slaughter feel bad because they are inside jail. Perhaps if this was the consequence more people would remember their children in cars. 

 

This seems to be a case of being distracted and negligent, so why should people's response be compassion for the parents who were negligent in the first place? It is so sad how children's lives seem to hold so little value in our society.

 

I think we're all pretty horrified for the poor little kids!  We all want to say, "I would never leave a child in a hot car." But so would the parents who accidentally did, right up until the day when it happened.

 

We parents are not at risk of being the ones locked in. We're at risk of leaving someone in there. So we have to put ourselves in the parents' place and figure out what we're going to do to prevent it.

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If you drive your kids somewhere in rush hour and a car rear ends you, are you negligent for putting them in a situation where an accident is more likely?

 

If you have a genetic predisposition to a horrible disease and you choose to have children anyway, are you responsible for the suffering of the child if they inherit the illness?

 

Should domestic violence victims be prosecuted for not leaving an abuser if their child is abused?

 

Where would you draw the line with negligence? When I had two young children, 14 months apart, I knew there was a risk I would be in a situation where I could be by myself and not able to give 100% attention to both kids at the same time. I've had kids slip in parking lots and scrape knees. If the non-injured child took off and got hit by a car while I helped the other one up, would I be negligent? Do you really think prosecuting parents is the best way to save lives?

 

Illogical response. Leaving a child under your care in a dangerous situation through neglect, or forgetting, is not the same thing as someone else hitting your car. Keeping children in the house with someone who physically abuses you or the children should be dealt with by child protective services.

 

When a child is in your care, you are responsible for it's well being to the best of your knowledge and ability. Leaving a infant in a car unattended is neglect and should be a punishable offense. If you paid someone to watch your child, wouldn't you expect that person to stay with your child?

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It almost happened to me last week. 

We got home from running errands, and I'm used to the kids hopping out of the car and running off to play. Well, I unloaded the groceries, put them away, used the bathroom, and puttered around the house for a bit before noticing that just my 9 year old was out in the yard. I asked, "Where's your sister?" My oldest responded, "Oh, she fell asleep on the way home. She's still in the car." I looked in and sure enough, she was still in her seat and sound asleep in the third row of the truck (hard to see back there, especially since the back windows are darkly tinted). 

I had just assumed she'd run off to play, and never even thought to look in the back. At her age I'm no longer accustomed to her falling asleep in the car or needing help getting out- she typically unbuckles and gets out on her own. When I went to get her out of the car she as fine, albeit quite sweaty, but I did have the sickening feeling of, "Oh my gosh, THIS is exactly how kids get forgotten in cars and die." 

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I'd love to see more sympathy for children than the parents. If the parents had so little feeling and thought for their child that they forgot it in a car, why would I assume they have more feeling when they caused the infant's death. Many people are using our own feelings of empathy and transferring them to people who may not be feeling that at all. I'd rather that these people guilty of man-slaughter feel bad because they are inside jail. Perhaps if this was the consequence more people would remember their children in cars.

 

This seems to be a case of being distracted and negligent, so why should people's response be compassion for the parents who were negligent in the first place? It is so sad how children's lives seem to hold so little value in our society.

Did you read my post where I left my son in the car? Do you really think that I was lacking feeling for my child? Seriously, you are wrong by a full mile. Maybe more.

 

ETA: Nursing around the clock, taking care of a near term baby who was slowly gaining, caring for my mother during her final illness and hit with a massive case of PPD. I'm sorry. You aren't in any position to tell me or others that we are negligent. I hope that it never happens to you but you absolutely are not immune to being human. As hard as it may be for you to believe. We all make mistakes, sometimes big ones. I am fortunate that it was a winter day and not a summer day but I could have easily done the same thing under the same conditions in warmer weather.

 

As to why people should be compassionate? Because we should always be compassionate when and where we can. Even when it's not easy.

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Well, I've done the opposite, so I can imagine it happening (leaving a child in a car accidentally). It is so out of my norm to NOT have the children, that there have been momentary freak out times when I've looked in my mirror and NOT seen a child in my car - for even a split second forgetting that I left my children at home with dad or a sitter.

Most of the cases I've heard of a parent forgetting their child in the car seem to be when something outside the norm is happening - like when dad doesn't usually take the child to day care, but one day in a rush or because of something abnormal in the family daily dynamics dad IS responsible for doing just that, and forgets. I can, unfortunately, see how it happens.

 

 

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Illogical response. Leaving a child under your care in a dangerous situation through neglect, or forgetting, is not the same thing as someone else hitting your car. Keeping children in the house with someone who physically abuses you or the children should be dealt with by child protective services.

 

When a child is in your care, you are responsible for it's well being to the best of your knowledge and ability. Leaving a infant in a car unattended is neglect and should be a punishable offense. If you paid someone to watch your child, wouldn't you expect that person to stay with your child?

 

I hope and pray that you never, ever, ever have an experience that changes your mind.  My son almost drowned at the age of four due to my momentary distraction.  I also used to think that things like this only happened to crappy parents.  I am now much more forgiving of others.  I wish I could be more forgiving of myself.  It was the darkest hour of my life and haunts me every day.

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ETA: Nursing around the clock, taking care of a near term baby who was slowly gaining, caring for my mother during her final illness and hit with a massive case of PPD. I'm sorry. You aren't in any position to tell me or others that we are negligent. I hope that it never happens to you but you absolutely are not immune to being human. As hard as it may be for you to believe. We all make mistakes, sometimes big ones. I am fortunate that it was a winter day and not a summer day but I could have easily done the same thing under the same conditions in warmer weather.

 

As to why people should be compassionate? Because we should always be compassionate when and where we can. Even when it's not easy.

 

Great post and I wholeheartedly agree.  Momentary forgetfulness is not a crime.  I was not a negligent parent when I left my daughter in the car in Montana -- I just temporarily forgot that she was with me because of what was happening around and in me at the time of that drive.  Thankfully everything worked out all right, but if it hadn't, I still wouldn't have been anything but momentarily forgetful.  Intent plays a large role in criminality. 

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A few years ago, a toddler died in the car. The toddler fell asleep in the car seat on the way home from church. IRC, the mom asked the dad to carry in the toddler when they got home. She assumed the dad put the baby in the crib to sleep. She took care of the other kids. The dad didn't carry in the baby and assumed the mom brought the baby in and put her in the crib to sleep . When the baby would've normally woken up, the parents realized what had happened. A terrible tragedy.

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I put things on the passenger seat to remind me of my errands. doesn't work - I totally ignore them.

 

I have heard to keep your purse in the back with the car seat, so you have to see it to grab your purse. I did do this because I had a big age gap between my older kids and the youngest. I was afraid that I would forget her.

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I'd love to see more sympathy for children than the parents. If the parents had so little feeling and thought for their child that they forgot it in a car, why would I assume they have more feeling when they caused the infant's death. Many people are using our own feelings of empathy and transferring them to people who may not be feeling that at all. I'd rather that these people guilty of man-slaughter feel bad because they are inside jail. Perhaps if this was the consequence more people would remember their children in cars. 

 

This seems to be a case of being distracted and negligent, so why should people's response be compassion for the parents who were negligent in the first place? It is so sad how children's lives seem to hold so little value in our society.

You are unbelievably arrogant, but for your sake, I sincerely hope you get to stay that way.

 

From the article linked above:

 

A substantial proportion of the public reacts not merely with anger, but with frothing vitriol. 

Ed Hickling believes he knows why. Hickling is a clinical psychologist from Albany, N.Y., who has studied the effects of fatal auto accidents on the drivers who survive them. He says these people are often judged with disproportionate harshness by the public, even when it was clearly an accident, and even when it was indisputably not their fault.

Humans, Hickling said, have a fundamental need to create and maintain a narrative for their lives in which the universe is not implacable and heartless, that terrible things do not happen at random, and that catastrophe can be avoided if you are vigilant and responsible.

In hyperthermia cases, he believes, the parents are demonized for much the same reasons. “We are vulnerable, but we don’t want to be reminded of that. We want to believe that the world is understandable and controllable and unthreatening, that if we follow the rules, we’ll be okay. So, when this kind of thing happens to other people, we need to put them in a different category from us. We don’t want to resemble them, and the fact that we might is too terrifying to deal with. So, they have to be monsters.â€

 

 

The article also covers the brain science behind why and how this happens to normal, caring, good parents.  But somehow I doubt you'll read it.

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When a child is in your care, you are responsible for it's well being to the best of your knowledge and ability. Leaving a infant in a car unattended is neglect and should be a punishable offense. If you paid someone to watch your child, wouldn't you expect that person to stay with your child?

To the best of your knowledge and ability. Exactly. Everyone makes mistakes and has accidents even when they are trying their best. Most of the times those accidents are mere inconveniences...other times they are tragedies.

 

Leaving an infant in a car unattended ON PURPOSE is neglect. Just like dropping a baby down the stairs ON PURPOSE is abuse. But doing those things accidentally, without intent, are mistakes.

 

If I was paying someone to watch my child I would expect them to care for them to the best of their ability. You can't ask for more than someone's best. If they then accidentally dropped my child or scalded them left them in the car, I hope i would find it in my heart to forgive them for making a tragic mistake.

 

From the Weingarten article mentioned upthread...

 

"There is a general misconception, Fennell says, about who these people are: “They tend to be the doting parents, the kind who buy baby locks and safety gates.†These cases, she says, are failures of memory, not of love."

 

""Some people think, ‘Okay, I can see forgetting a child for two minutes, but not eight hours.’ What they don’t understand is that the parent in his or her mind has dropped off the baby at day care and thinks the baby is happy and well taken care of. Once that’s in your brain, there is no reason to worry or check on the baby for the rest of the day.â€"

 

Wendy

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It's thrown a huge wrench in my mental calculations. Who's here? Who's supposed to be here? Who's hiding out in a quiet place doing Legos? Who's gone missing? Who's asleep? It takes a lot more gray matter to figure out if all of those in my care are safe and accounted for than it did when I had everyone, always.

 

 

 

This is exactly how I feel. With 3 kids, I never forgot anyone or anything. With 4 kids, my world has been rocked. There are days when I have to sit and purposely think about where everyone is, and what I need to do to get them all home safely. I'd like to say I'd never forget anyone, but I know that with a change of routine, it's possible.

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sometimes it's just a zero tolerance policy.  like expelling a 6yo from school for making a 'gun' out of his finger.

 

it's absurd.

The dad in Marietta has been charged with felony murder and won't even be eligible for bail until July 15th
http://www.ajc.com/news/news/authorities-searched-dead-toddlers-fathers-office-/ngP33/

Maybe there is something more to the case, but I can't imagine jailing for a tragic accident like this.

 

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sometimes it's just a zero tolerance policy. like expelling a 6yo from school for making a 'gun' out of his finger.

 

it's absurd.

Last I read, they were searching his office and work computer. I am wondering if there might be more to the story.

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Yeah, I've done the opposite too. I received my only moving violation, a ticket for the carpool lane, because I forgot I couldn't be in the lane without my son. Normally he rides with me on that route but that day he stayed home. I followed my usual lane changes and everything, went through the carpool lane, and got pulled over. I thought about telling the officer I made a mistake because I usually have my son with me and I forgot I didn't, but then I decided that could make things worse. 

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Did you read my post where I left my son in the car? Do you really think that I was lacking feeling for my child? Seriously, you are wrong by a full mile. Maybe more.

 

ETA: Nursing around the clock, taking care of a near term baby who was slowly gaining, caring for my mother during her final illness and hit with a massive case of PPD. I'm sorry. You aren't in any position to tell me or others that we are negligent. I hope that it never happens to you but you absolutely are not immune to being human. As hard as it may be for you to believe. We all make mistakes, sometimes big ones. I am fortunate that it was a winter day and not a summer day but I could have easily done the same thing under the same conditions in warmer weather.

 

As to why people should be compassionate? Because we should always be compassionate when and where we can. Even when it's not easy.

 

Ok, feeling aside, let's talk about the legalities and responsibilities for operating a motor vehicle. You take responsibility for buckling up the infant correctly, but then it ends? There's a bigger fine for not buckling up the child than leaving it to die in the heat (whatever the cause may be).

 

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Ok, feeling aside, let's talk about the legalities and responsibilities for operating a motor vehicle. You take responsibility for buckling up the infant correctly, but then it ends? There's a bigger fine for not buckling up the child than leaving it to die in the heat (whatever the cause may be).

 

???

 

You ask people to have feeling and want it left aside when it is pointed out just how wrong you are. Because I reckon you can't really argue the actual facts.

 

No fine or prison term compares to a parent's anguish at the loss of their child due to their own mistake.

 

If you can't see that, I am truly sorry for you. To live my life conflating empathy with vengeance and to be seemingly lacking or even scornful of compassion. That would be awful.

 

My responsibility was not something it turned on or off. I nursed him, buckled him in the car seat, which was functioning as a stroller seat and bed while we were at the hospital and then simply did not recall that I had him. I can't describe the level of exhaustion that was my day to day norm I that situation. He'd been with my dad when I drove there. I was living in a constant loop between my house and my mom's medical stuff. She moved in with us after her last ditch cancer surgery a week before I developed pregnancy complications and had to have a c-section at 35 weeks. There were many visits to the hospital afterward. Shortly after this happened, she moved into hospice. I didn't have the luxury of being with my baby all the time because my mother, who I was the primary caregiver for, was literally dying. Any day could have been her last. You really have no idea if you think that there was any malice, intent or bad act in my situation.

 

Eta- and what the hell was I supposed to do? Say "mom you're dying at a very inconvenient time for me so I am not going to take care of you and see to your health needs anymore?" Sometimes you have no choice but to do more than seems possible.

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Oh my gosh wintermom... you are so heartless.  Only for the sake of your children do I hope you don't have to eat your words...  But someday, something WILL happen to you.  You are not perfect, neither are ANY of us... 

 

Wow... Just Wow...

Ok, feeling aside, let's talk about the legalities and responsibilities for operating a motor vehicle. You take responsibility for buckling up the infant correctly, but then it ends? There's a bigger fine for not buckling up the child than leaving it to die in the heat (whatever the cause may be).
 

 

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Yes to the horrible disease and not leaving the abuser.

You would hold a parent criminally liable for passing a hereditary illness to their child? Really? Because that's what's being discussed, legal consequences.

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maybe.  and maybe they're searching in hopes of finding *anything* to try and justify themselves.  (and don't think that doesn't happen.)

Last I read, they were searching his office and work computer. I am wondering if there might be more to the story.

 

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A relative knew someone involved in one of these cases. They prosecuted so that there would be a record and reminder and tracking but realized it was a tragic mistake. This occurred in an area where it is hot in the summer and they put the cases in their local paper as a caution and reminder. He said the prosecutor told her why they needed to prosecute and expressed sympathy. I think she got some community service hours that included telling her story, which she was happy to do to help prevent future incidents. It was a while ago so details are foggy...

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maybe. and maybe they're searching in hopes of finding *anything* to try and justify themselves. (and don't think that doesn't happen.)

I don't think that doesn't happen. In this case, though, the arrest wasn't made until after the search.

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But tickets for having a kid unbuckled remind you to buckle the kid. Prosecution for forgetting the baby who DIED isn't going to help, because no one meant to leave the baby- hence the word "accident". It doesn't make people less likely to do this, because they never meant to do it and tried NOT to do it already, but had an ACCIDENTAL memory slip and the worst happened.

 

It doesn't mean one doesnt value life, or children, or anything like that. it doesn't mean anything, really, IMO, but that accidents happen and it sucks. I can see the community service of getting the word out, that makes sense, but jail time? Fines? What possible purpose would it serve?!

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Last I read, they were searching his office and work computer. I am wondering if there might be more to the story.

 

Oh...really?  : /

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gently - I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess you are very young.   and since you are probably so young, I am willing to cut you a little slack for your displayed lack of real-world experience, and can hopefully teach you something. (if you choose to listen.)

 

there is a phrase I suggest you learn the meaning of, and incorporate into your life /worldview.

 

"there but for the grace of God go I".

 

lean what it means, and make it part of yourself.  You will have a happier life, and be a kinder, gentler, and more compassionate person.

 

I'd love to see more sympathy for children than the parents. If the parents had so little feeling and thought for their child that they forgot it in a car, why would I assume they have more feeling when they caused the infant's death. Many people are using our own feelings of empathy and transferring them to people who may not be feeling that at all. I'd rather that these people guilty of man-slaughter feel bad because they are inside jail. Perhaps if this was the consequence more people would remember their children in cars. 

 

This seems to be a case of being distracted and negligent, so why should people's response be compassion for the parents who were negligent in the first place? It is so sad how children's lives seem to hold so little value in our society.

 

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Oh...really? : /

But then again, maybe that's just police procedure. I don't know. The local paper is making it sound sinister, though. Maybe it's just to prove he was at the office all day.

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I don't think that doesn't happen. In this case, though, the arrest wasn't made until after the search.

 

I knew they were searching, but I thought they were searching after the arrest.  

 

Regardless, I wonder (and this is obviously complete speculation) if someone may have thought there was a domestic issue and this could have turned into a "If I can't have him then nobody can" things.  Meaning, I wonder if they think he did it intentionally to get back at the mom or something.  

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I don't think I'd walk away from the car without my purse, but I could easily see my dh walking away without his wallet. He actually does sometimes leave home without it. Both of us could forget our cellphones because we're just not that attached to them.  Another suggestion I've read is to always put the diaper bag on the front seat as a reminder that you have the baby with you.

 

dh has left his wallet on the roof of his car a couple different times.  Just the other day, I was driving and saw someone with a bouquet on the trunk of her car . . . .

I left a VERY EXPENSIVE gift on the hood of my car . . . . . (we found it. in the dark on the side of a busy road.)

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I knew they were searching, but I thought they were searching after the arrest.

 

Regardless, I wonder (and this is obviously complete speculation) if someone may have thought there was a domestic issue and this could have turned into a "If I can't have him then nobody can" things. Meaning, I wonder if they think he did it intentionally to get back at the mom or something.

Maybe after the arrest but before the murder charges? The strange thing in this case was that he drove halfway home after work before discovering the child. I haven't heard of that happening before.

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Maybe after the arrest but before the murder charges? The strange thing in this case was that he drove halfway home after work before discovering the child. I haven't heard of that happening before.

 

is he used to having a car seat in his car?  he may have thought nothing of it.

 

My family still like to razz me about the time I walked into the kitchen, did whatever, and walked out. *without* noticing 1dd standing there.  (I saw her back. I assumed it was 2dd.  1dd was *supposed* to be in NY.)  as far as I was concerned - she wasn't supposed to be there, so her presence didn't register.

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Maybe after the arrest but before the murder charges? The strange thing in this case was that he drove halfway home after work before discovering the child. I haven't heard of that happening before.

 

"Several people -- including Mary Parks of Blacksburg -- have driven from their workplace to the day-care center to pick up the child they’d thought they’d dropped off, never noticing the corpse in the back seat."

 

- from the Weingarter article

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Maybe after the arrest but before the murder charges? The strange thing in this case was that he drove halfway home after work before discovering the child. I haven't heard of that happening before.

 

I don't get a lot of it. 

 

First, he works at the corporate office.  I worked in that office for years.  You park in a parking garage, and that garage is always full.  I can't figure out how he was parked in that deck all day and no on saw or heard that baby.

 

Second, like you, I can't figure out how he drove all the way to Aker's Mill before realizing his kid was in the car.  He would have had to drive (I'm assuming) all the way down Paces Ferry to 41, then left on 41, then another couple of miles before he got to Akers Mill.  That's not exactly right down the street.  (I'm obviously assuming you're from the area based on what you've posted, but if not, please forgive the local street references!).

 

On the other hand, I still have several friends who work in HR there, and I've heard that the whole place is just freaking out.  Apparently the guy is well known and liked.  He has taken his son up there to meet his colleagues.  According to the masses at THD corporate, the idea of this being anything other than an accident is almost unfathomable.  

 

I'm very interested to hear how this plays out. 

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"Several people -- including Mary Parks of Blacksburg -- have driven from their workplace to the day-care center to pick up the child they’d thought they’d dropped off, never noticing the corpse in the back seat."

 

- from the Weingarter article

 

I just finished posting that I can't understand how the guy drove as far as he did before realizing his son was in the back seat, but then I'm the least observant person I know.  I'm not kidding.   My ex-husband used to rearrange the furniture in the house and I wouldn't even notice.  My mind gets focused on something and I kind of go on auto-pilot.

 

So even though I said I don't get it, I actually do completely get it.  I'm afraid that would be me. 

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I'm local and have heard the same from my HD friends.

 

The paper says the murder charge is because he is charged with a felony and while committing that felony, someone died. That requires the felony murder charge.

 

I am not saying that it wasn't an accident.

 

I don't get a lot of it.

 

First, he works at the corporate office. I worked in that office for years. You park in a parking garage, and that garage is always full. I can't figure out how he was parked in that deck all day and no on saw or heard that baby.

 

Second, like you, I can't figure out how he drove all the way to Aker's Mill before realizing his kid was in the car. He would have had to drive (I'm assuming) all the way down Paces Ferry to 41, then left on 41, then another couple of miles before he got to Akers Mill. That's not exactly right down the street. (I'm obviously assuming you're from the area based on what you've posted, but if not, please forgive the local street references!).

 

On the other hand, I still have several friends who work in HR there, and I've heard that the whole place is just freaking out. Apparently the guy is well known and liked. He has taken his son up there to meet his colleagues. According to the masses at THD corporate, the idea of this being anything other than an accident is almost unfathomable.

 

I'm very interested to hear how this plays out.

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I just finished posting that I can't understand how the guy drove as far as he did before realizing his son was in the back seat, but then I'm the least observant person I know. I'm not kidding. My ex-husband used to rearrange the furniture in the house and I wouldn't even notice. My mind gets focused on something and I kind of go on auto-pilot.

 

So even though I said I don't get it, I actually do completely get it. I'm afraid that would be me.

Rear facing car seats are a factor in not seeing the child when you return to the car though probably not in this specific case. If you've got an infant in a big RF seat that is always in your rear view mirror anyways, you aren't going to be able to see the child unless you have a baby mirror.
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Rear facing car seats are a factor in not seeing the child when you return to the car though probably not in this specific case. If you've got an infant in a big RF seat that is always in your rear view mirror anyways.

That's a good point.

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Years ago, we had a friend who was widowed in a tragic accident that took a while to resolve the facts due to the nature of the accident. The big 3 news were fine. The local news hounded her and wrote inaccurate, wildly accusatory things. Air Force Public Affairs did a good job keeping her away from them and handling the media, eventually the local media backed down but I would not have believed it if I hadn't seen it. I did not believe a word they wrote after that and my respect for the big 3 media at the time, this was years ago, went up, they handled their reporting professionally on this issue. The local media was quite heartless, they caused more trauma and tears to an already suffering, grieving widow.

 

So, I will withhold my opinion in this case until a nationally recognized news organization reports on the facts.

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I am not saying that it wasn't an accident.

 

 

I didn't think you were.  Sorry if anything I said implied otherwise.  I was merely speculating about the whole thing and going through the entire thought process.  

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I used to be one of those people who got angry upon hearing of these incidents.  I mean, how could a parent go through his whole work day and never once think of his kid?  Then I read a lot of the stories behind these deaths, and most of them are actually understandable.  It is impossible to read the stories without getting sick at the thought of all those well-intentioned parents and grandparents discovering their tragic mistake.

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I used to be one of those people who got angry upon hearing of these incidents.  I mean, how could a parent go through his whole work day and never once think of his kid?  Then I read a lot of the stories behind these deaths, and most of them are actually understandable.  It is impossible to read the stories without getting sick at the thought of all those well-intentioned parents and grandparents discovering their tragic mistake.

 

Absolutely.  It makes me so sad, but I wasn't there.  I'm sure the guy is suffering.  Maybe his mistake reminds someone else and prevents a future tragedy.

 

After I forgot to buckle one of mine I never let it happen again.  To this day, although my kids can buckle themselves, I ask them several times if they are buckled.  They think I'm kinda nuts.

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I'd love to see more sympathy for children than the parents. If the parents had so little feeling and thought for their child that they forgot it in a car, why would I assume they have more feeling when they caused the infant's death. Many people are using our own feelings of empathy and transferring them to people who may not be feeling that at all. I'd rather that these people guilty of man-slaughter feel bad because they are inside jail. Perhaps if this was the consequence more people would remember their children in cars. 

 

This seems to be a case of being distracted and negligent, so why should people's response be compassion for the parents who were negligent in the first place? It is so sad how children's lives seem to hold so little value in our society.

We do have sympathy for the children; our hearts are breaking for the children and the parents.

 

As an imperfect human being, I know that I could be capable of making this mistake, therefore I show compassion to others who have lost so much; compassion and incredicle sadness for the chilren and their parents. :(

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Two weeks after my 3rd was born my second almost drowned because I lost track of how many kids I have. I was nursing the baby, and the teen was in my line of sight. And up until 2 weeks before, if I had one nursing and one playing I was good. I totally forgot that now there was a THIRD, and the nursing one was the new one. My 2 year old was leaning out, face first, over a pond and almost fell in when I figured it out and yelled for her to come back by us. She had wandered off and my automatic kid counter had malfunctioned. 

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