Just got back from a week away for dd homeschool grad and....meeting her birth father for first time.

[Rose in BC]

I never imagined all the things that we'd experience when we adopted our three kids. Of course we've had the very difficult time with our youngest son and his RAD/ODD. This situation continues to be painful for all of us.

 

Then there's our eldest ds who also has FASD and a mild intellectual disability. It's like running a marathon parenting him but at least he's well connected to us so he does say sorry mom, even if five minutes later he's doing the same thing.

 

But I haven't talked a lot about our dd who we adopted as an infant...10 days old. No special needs (well, I tell my kids everyone has special needs :)). A breeze to parent. She has always wanted to meet her birth parents. Last year we learned her birthmother had passed away. So fast forward to last month. Our adoption was an open adoption so we had a lot of identifying information but they lived 1800 km away and so we've never had contact with birth father family. (We have with birth mother family.). About six months ago I did a google search of father's name but it is a super common name so I typed in his mother's name. Up popped a picture of a woman who ironically works for local government, as I do. Looking carefully I thought there seemed to be some physical features similar to dd. I went to work next day to ask my boss, who knows a lot of people in province, did he know her? Sure enough he did. I shared with him that I thought she might be my dd's grandmother. He thought I was crazy :). We discussed ways we could sleuth around to determine if she might be the grandmother but life and time got in the way until dd 18th birthday. That day I woke up with a strong feeling I should try and contact this lady at work and just ask. Worst case scenario I'm wrong, she thinks I'm nuts. So at 3 o'clock I did. She answered. It was her final hour of work before retirement. And it was her. I probably sounded like a bumbling idiot...I started conversation by identifying myself in my professional capacity and then said "I think we met once 18 years ago." Anyway she confirmed I was right but was leaving for a short trip so wouldn't have a chance to talk to her son until a week later.

 

Long story short, birth father was ecstatic that we had tracked him down. He is getting married next year and his fiancé knew all about our dd since they first started dating. So, I knew we were heading on a trip that placed us within three hours of him. So I invited him to come see us. So on Father's Day he and his fiancé came over to my sister's and met us all (later that day, because of previously planned grad party he met about thirty other family members, including my 86 mom, and survived :).

 

It was very emotional. It was very cool for my dd to see herself in him. He and his fiancé are great. It was surreal too.

 

We just got home late last night. I'm still processing things. :)

[BigMamaBird]

It's wonderful that you all had such a positive experience!!

 

[Mommyof4ks]

What a beautiful story, espeically after all that has happened with your ds. You are an amazing mom!

[HS Mom in NC]

I'm sooo glad it went so well. Good instincts, mom.

[KrissiK]

What a great story! All five of our kids are adopted and they are younger than yours, so we're several years behind you regarding finding birth parents, but I know it's coming!

[Rachel]

I'm glad it went so well.

[Ewe Mama]

Thank you for sharing your beautiful story with us. It was heartwarming to this adoptive mom. :)

[BlueTaelon]

I am so glad it went so well!

[Kathryn]

I'm so happy that everything went well! You certainly deserve it. Thank you for sharing.

[Spryte]

What a great story! And a special Father's Day. :)

 

Our kiddos are fortunate to know quite a bit if their birthfamilies, but their birthfathers are not as interested in forming relationships. Those elusive birthfathers... They will be our quest someday, too.

 

Congratulations on your detective work, and on a wonderful gift to your DD and her birthfather!

[mamatohaleybug]

I'm an adoptive mom, too, and this brought tears to me eyes. Thanks for sharing!

[Rose in BC]

It is a great story and I do know that fairy tell endings are not a given. What I learned from my experience with our ds is that in today's day and age, with technology, our adopted kids can pretty easily find their birth families. When dd began rumbling about finding birth father I decided it was better for me to bite the bullet and check out the situation. She is also a very rationale child...if I found out things that would make me concerned about contact, she would understand and follow our guidance.

[Ottakee]

What a great mom to help her out in her search.  Glad it went well.

 

 

[Catwoman]

Thank you for sharing the story, Rose!!! :)

[Ali in OR]

You deserve a happy story like this.

[chocolatechip]

Awesome! 

[Cinder]

:thumbup1:  So glad to hear this went well for everyone!