fairfarmhand Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 My dd is coming home from camp. She'll be tired, and used to fun fun fun all the time. She'll come home to chores and siblings. I try to give her some downtime to recover. But it takes her about 5 days to recover and act like a civil human being again. AIIIEEEEE!!! I am bracing myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 It's very kind-hearted of you to be so understanding of the difficult transition for her -- even though it causes you headaches! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 Sorry you aren't looking forward to seeing your child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted June 6, 2014 Author Share Posted June 6, 2014 I am hoping it goes better than I expect. However, we've been through these types of transitions enough that I am hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. Real life is never as much fun as camp or vacation, and she seems to struggle with the realization that real life can't always be a party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted June 6, 2014 Author Share Posted June 6, 2014 I know, I know...it sounds terrible, doesn't it. I feel like a terrible mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TX Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 I don't think it sounds terrible and you aren't a terrible mom. Actually, you are a pretty nice mom if you still let her go to camp knowing that she will be hard to live with afterward. If my kid acted badly after going to camp, I wouldn't let them go again. Susan in TX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Mousie Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 I know the feeling. It's like the Return From Sleepover crankiness times however many days at camp. And you'll want to hear all about it, but she won't know where to start, and will be too tired to think, and will get snippy if you ask too many questions ... am I on the right track? Five days to recover does seem a bit excessive, though. Here, it seems that 1-2 days of catching up on sleep and readjusting to time zone gets DS back on track for the most part. What do you normally expect as far as getting back into chores etc.? Do you expect her to do all of her normal chores on Day 2, for example? Or do you let her ease into it? Maybe you can spend a little time reviewing your expectations and see if you're expecting too much too soon, or even too little too late (which may make both of you feel like the transition is dragging on too long and you're all in limbo). I don't know, just throwing out an idea. I do hope the reunion is as happy and peaceful as it can be! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 I get it. It's similar to when the older kids come home from school for breaks. You're very happy to see them, and love them dearly, but it truly disrupts the household. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Mousie Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 I know, I know...it sounds terrible, doesn't it. I feel like a terrible mom. Um, no. It doesn't sound terrible, and you definitely are not a terrible mom. The comment to which you were responding was unduly harsh, IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted June 6, 2014 Author Share Posted June 6, 2014 I usually ask very little of her in the first 24 hours, other than starting her laundry and putting most of her junk away. She usually sleeps in the afternoon after getting back. By tomorrow evening, I don't think it is unfair of me to ask her to resume some of her normal duties. The 5 days is mostly how long it takes for her to accept the reality that real life isn't camp. She has to share with siblings, which she hasn't had to for a week. (even though she has shared with campers, it's not the same) She seems to feel much more autonomous at camp. She's allowed to decide whether she wants to swim or play volleyball. She comes home and she still has to stick to internet limits and ask mom's permission to go places. She would never dream of being rude or ugly to a friend at camp, but if she's rude or ugly to her siblings or me, I call her on it. She's one of those kids who "uses up all her niceness" on everyone else, so the ugly comes out when she gets home. She's crabby because she wishes life was like camp all the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belacqua Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 Ah, yes, post-camp re-entry. It's definitely a Thing. :) Good luck to you both. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upward Journey Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 I don't think it sounds terrible and you aren't a terrible mom. Actually, you are a pretty nice mom if you still let her go to camp knowing that she will be hard to live with afterward. If my kid acted badly after going to camp, I wouldn't let them go again. Susan in TX I agree! We never participated in VBS when the kids were little because I just couldn't deal with the aftermath... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted June 6, 2014 Author Share Posted June 6, 2014 I am so glad that some of you know what I am talking about. Sometimes, when I talk to moms of quiet, compliant children I wonder what I am doing wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted June 6, 2014 Author Share Posted June 6, 2014 I agree! We never participated in VBS when the kids were little because I just couldn't deal with the aftermath... HA! VBS is next week., That means we'll all be tired and crabby on top of camp re-entry. GAH! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 You are not a terrible mom and I know exactly how you feel. My oldest son comes home from camp and he's a nightmare. An entire week of playing all day(well, most of the day), no chores, no siblings to share with, lights out several hours later than normal, soda every day, no Mom to limit your chip and junk food intake.... he's awful and I don't look forward to his homecoming, either. I mean, I love him and everything, but he doesn't make the transition to home and rules and relatively healthy eating very well. He balks at the rules as it it. He doesn't think he should have to do anything he doesn't want to do, ever.... At all. So, then you put him in a camp situation, where it's his dream come true, complete freedom and no responsibility....homecoming is not pretty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunnyDays Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 Sorry you aren't looking forward to seeing your child.I'm pretty sure that's not what she said... Your comment is a bit rude. Hugs to OP.... I think I remember you posting about this child having trouble being nice to people at home, so I'm sure camp makes it that much more difficult. I know you'll have to "choose your battles" a bit, but don't be afraid to remind her civility is not optional. Deep breath, mama!! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted June 6, 2014 Author Share Posted June 6, 2014 . He balks at the rules as it it. He doesn't think he should have to do anything he doesn't want to do, ever.... At all. So, then you put him in a camp situation, where it's his dream come true, complete freedom and no responsibility....homecoming is not pretty. This is my kid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: I get what you mean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 I know, I know...it sounds terrible, doesn't it. I feel like a terrible mom. Um, screw that!! I am very aware that my 11yoDD will be a royal pain in the backside after a sleepover with friends. Recognizing that fact has no bearing on the quality of my mothering. It is ok to admit that some things suck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 We've had this problem too with our oldest for the last three years. After trips to see the grandparents (two weeks at Christmas and two weeks in the summer) it usually takes 2-3 weeks for Tigger to accept real life again. The same happens if my mom comes to visit or if he goes to day camp for a week. Now that my youngest is old enough for day camp, we are sending them both anyway, just to have some peace and quiet. I know we will pay for it after, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 I have a child with ASD who can take weeks to readjust when the schedule takes a hit. I also have a child who uses up her "nice" when she is out and about and needs copious amounts of recharge time. I feel your pain. It is why I school year round. As in, 50 weeks a year. And why I don't change the schedule unless there is an emergency or I am purposely working on flexibility with the eldest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Mousie Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 I usually ask very little of her in the first 24 hours, other than starting her laundry and putting most of her junk away. She usually sleeps in the afternoon after getting back. By tomorrow evening, I don't think it is unfair of me to ask her to resume some of her normal duties. The 5 days is mostly how long it takes for her to accept the reality that real life isn't camp. She has to share with siblings, which she hasn't had to for a week. (even though she has shared with campers, it's not the same) She seems to feel much more autonomous at camp. She's allowed to decide whether she wants to swim or play volleyball. She comes home and she still has to stick to internet limits and ask mom's permission to go places. She would never dream of being rude or ugly to a friend at camp, but if she's rude or ugly to her siblings or me, I call her on it. She's one of those kids who "uses up all her niceness" on everyone else, so the ugly comes out when she gets home. She's crabby because she wishes life was like camp all the time. Your expectations sound completely reasonable to me. The bolded line, though, made me think about how I feel coming home from a vacation. It was so great to see and do great things with my family instead of going to work, and it was so great to return to a completely fresh and clean and comfortable hotel, and go out to eat a meal someone else cooked really well and will clean up after we leave ... and then we get home. And I have truckloads of laundry to do and the weeds have jumped up three feet and there's nothing in the fridge and we have to go to work tomorrow. Who wouldn't wish life was permanent vacation? So, ya know, I can understand how your daughter must feel, too. It's probably just that we adults know we shouldn't spread our crabby all over the house, and we know the stuff has to be done regardless of how we feel about it, so we might as well just get to it. :grouphug: That said - we can understand it, but that doesn't always make it easier to deal with when we're in the midst of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 Sorry you aren't looking forward to seeing your child. Where did you get THAT from her post? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted June 6, 2014 Author Share Posted June 6, 2014 And she's home. She hauled her junk to the bedroom, asked if I could drive her to her homeschool writer's club meeting that is this afternoon. I said, "Uh nope. You need to rest." She heaved a great big sigh, rolled her eyes, bit off dd2's head when that dd asked how camp went, and went to bed. Which is where I hope she'll stay for at least 2-3 hours. A good nap never hurts, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelly1730 Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 I remember that oh so clearly with my eldest and camp. It was like he had a week of being "independent" ( but not really) and the reality of home life was a bit shocking to his system. Oh well, this IS your reality. Get on with it. I did allow them a day or two to catch up on sleep and to transition back to real life at home. Oy! I almost forgot about all that :001_rolleyes: . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 Sometimes it's worth using a phase of "re-adjusting anyways" to make some changes that you might have had in your agenda for "around now" in a child's development. (Changing a bed time, adding more personal discressiin to certain scenarios, teaching a particular relational skill...) If you get to re-do normalization, for all that work, the silver lining might be that a "new normal" is the same amount of work as re-doing the "old normal" -- saving you some of the work of change-implementation later on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 My kids sometimes need transition time just from being away one night and day with cousins or family. They come home exhausted, crabby and just in a funk. Hope she gets a good nap in! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alisoncooks Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 HA! VBS is next week., That means we'll all be tired and crabby on top of camp re-entry. GAH! We'll have this same situation in a couple weeks: 1 week of VBS followed by a week at sleep-away camp for oldest DD. For my DD, it's like it's a fatal flaw or weakness to admit she's tired. Instead, she just plows ahead and bites heads off and is snippy with everyone. Wish she felt it was *okay* to admit tiredness and go lay down... :( I'd be glad to go lay down... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 Where did you get THAT from her post? I'm not who you quoted and I'm not trying to argue... The original post felt like that to me too. It's not a bad thing for the op to know she can come across that way. Her dd could pick up on the dread and feel unwelcome. Just my two cents... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upward Journey Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 HA! VBS is next week., That means we'll all be tired and crabby on top of camp re-entry. GAH! I am so sorry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 And she's home. She hauled her junk to the bedroom, asked if I could drive her to her homeschool writer's club meeting that is this afternoon. I said, "Uh nope. You need to rest." She heaved a great big sigh, rolled her eyes, bit off dd2's head when that dd asked how camp went, and went to bed. Which is where I hope she'll stay for at least 2-3 hours. A good nap never hurts, right? I would have taken her to the writer's club meeting. She's used to busy days at camp, so even if she was tired, she probably would have enjoyed herself -- and maybe gotten into a better mood after seeing her local friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted June 6, 2014 Author Share Posted June 6, 2014 I would have taken her to the writer's club meeting. She's used to busy days at camp, so even if she was tired, she probably would have enjoyed herself -- and maybe gotten into a better mood after seeing her local friends. If I didn't have to work this afternoon, I might have considered it. I didn't even know it was this afternoon, because she didn't write it on the calendar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 We called it 'fallout'. 48 hours--sleep, eat, and do the laundry. Then...be back in the real world. :) Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted June 6, 2014 Author Share Posted June 6, 2014 so far so good. She had a nap and an ice cream cone and has been civil so far. Not too bad. She also has a black eye. Camp game gone badly apparently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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