horse people--how to convince dh?

[Halcyon]

Okay, this is sort of a joke. I know I shouldn't need to "convince" my husband about something as big as this. But man, do I want a horse! :) I am fostering an OTTB now and he's fantastic, and he agreed to lease a pony for my boys. SO that's good, right? But boo, i would love to own a horse of my own.

 

Sniff.

[IsabelC]

If your husband is a sucker for animals, just choose a horse and take him to meet the horse, and suggest he explain to the horse why it can't come and live with you.

 

That's how we got a cat for a while. I arranged to look after the cat, husband said no way, we can't have a cat, we don't want a cat, but guess what happened the moment he set eyes on said cat? He can't help making friends with every animal he meets  :lol:

[Halcyon]

Unfortunately, my husband is NOT an animal person. (Not-an-animal-person who has 2 ducks, 10 chickens, 2 dogs, a cat and a fish  :lol: )

[regentrude]

What is the advantage of owning the horse over leasing the horse?

Having leased a horse for several year for DD, I feel this has all the advantages and almost none of the drawbacks - the only drawback as opposed to owning outright is the possibility that the owner might sell. But not being on the hook for major medical, not committed for 20 years of a horse's lifespan... kinda nice. Maybe your DH would be easier convinced to do a lease because it is not a decades long responsibility?

[Pod's mum]

My kids were/are told they can have a horse...as soon as they grow up, have their own property and buy it.

I hadn't thought that dd still might not be 'allowed' to.

Her father's betrothed is not permitted to replace her current bird and dog when they die and the current dog is only occasionally allowed to stay with them.

DD's conversations about this make me fairly confident that she will retain her voice. She thinks it deeply unfair.

(Even though her mean mum won't let her keep the pigeons she keeps catching. We do currently have a sheep, lambs, cat and chooks.)

 

I guess this is one of those how important x (having a horse) is to you vs how important y( NOT having a horse) is to your spouse issues.

And if very important to you and you can afford it, house it and care for it, what will it mean he will have to give up for it. (Or what does he get if you get the horse?)

Then it's a straight forward equity issue.

 

Yes I am single. Does it show?

Good luck with continuing family harmony.

[Halcyon]

What is the advantage of owning the horse over leasing the horse?

Having leased a horse for several year for DD, I feel this has all the advantages and almost none of the drawbacks - the only drawback as opposed to owning outright is the possibility that the owner might sell. But not being on the hook for major medical, not committed for 20 years of a horse's lifespan... kinda nice. Maybe your DH would be easier convinced to do a lease because it is not a decades long responsibility?

 

he would be open to a lease. 

[regentrude]

he would be open to a lease. 

 

so what, for you, is better about *owning*? (Just curious)

[khall]

he would be open to a lease.

I almost never post, but I just couldn't resist this one. Why do you want to own instead of lease? I can't think of a single benefit that owning has over leasing. My daughter's 25+ year old horse is bleeding money. Expensive senior feed, expensive vet bills, expensive shoes to correct problems with old legs/joints/feet. If we were leasing, I could have given her back a few years ago. Can't sell her now. Who in their right mind would buy her? She's healthy and could live another 5 years or so. Her monthly expenses are more than both our car payments, and nearly as much as our mortgage. I wish someone had encouraged us to lease. :(

[zarabellesmom]

I'm not a horse person, but I guess I think of them as pets. Leasing a pet seems weird. I'm not sure I could just give it back when it became old and feeble. Don't you build a relationship with the beastie? Like I said, I'm not a horse person, and I understand that it is a huge investment.  Sometimes, though, I think it would be nice to give my dog back.   ;)  He's pretty grumpy now that he's old.

[regentrude]

I'm not a horse person, but I guess I think of them as pets. Leasing a pet seems weird. I'm not sure I could just give it back when it became old and feeble. Don't you build a relationship with the beastie? Like I said, I'm not a horse person, and I understand that it is a huge investment.

 

Leasing is not so much about "giving the animal back" when it is old and feeble.

A horse is not very portable. If one has to move for a  job etc, moving a horse requires finding a facility to board it (unless you purchase land)- which may be nearly impossible in some locations. A horse has a lifespan of 20+ years. It can often be difficult to predict in what circumstances one would be 20 years hence.

 

And yes, of course you build a relationship. But some relationships in life are for a season. For example, my DD is moving away to college in a big city - if she owned her horse, she could not possibly take it. So, we leased the horse for as long as DD lived at home and could ride at the barn 10 miles away. It is sad to see this end, but owning the horse would not have made it better.

 

In some cases, owners really don't want to sell a horse either, but are open to leasing - which means having somebody pay the daily upkeep in exchange for riding privileges. The owner retains the flexibility to develop or sell the horse, but has help with the cost. It can be a win-win situation.

[prairiewindmomma]

It sounds like you want something for *you* to ride. Do you have friend's horses that you could ride regularly? Could you agree to lease for a time and re-discuss the issue in 6 months or a year? 

 

Horses are not inexpensive to own. Even if you already have pasture/barn/tack, even if you have sufficient pasture to bale your own hay, the shoeing/feed/vet bills are nothing to sneeze at...  They are also a huge investment of time; you really need to be riding a couple of times a week to maintain relationship and training.

 

 

[zarabellesmom]

Leasing is not so much about "giving the animal back" when it is old and feeble.

A horse is not very portable. If one has to move for a  job etc, moving a horse requires finding a facility to board it (unless you purchase land)- which may be nearly impossible in some locations. A horse has a lifespan of 20+ years. It can often be difficult to predict in what circumstances one would be 20 years hence.

 

And yes, of course you build a relationship. But some relationships in life are for a season. For example, my DD is moving away to college in a big city - if she owned her horse, she could not possibly take it. So, we leased the horse for as long as DD lived at home and could ride at the barn 10 miles away. It is sad to see this end, but owning the horse would not have made it better.

 

In some cases, owners really don't want to sell a horse either, but are open to leasing - which means having somebody pay the daily upkeep in exchange for riding privileges. The owner retains the flexibility to develop or sell the horse, but has help with the cost. It can be a win-win situation.

 

That makes lots of sense. Thank you. As I said, I'm not a horse person, so I never really had occasion to ponder it.  

[Chris in VA]

(I am so encouraged by this thread--I didn't know leasing was so popular!

 

Oh my. Maybe I can have a horse after all!!)

[Walking-Iris]

I grew up around horses at my grandparents. Work and rodeo horses.

 

I personally don't consider horses pets. 

 

They are also a ton of work. I know a few people here who have a couple of horses and IMHO they don't have enough room. Horses need space. Adequate fencing.They need companionship, they need training, exercise, work, grooming, and very well maintained tackle and housing. A horse is not something I would suggest people getting unless they have immersed themselves in the world of keeping horses. A person can get injured if they are green around a horse.

 

I would personally just look for horse riding lessons, or friend's that you can go out riding with on a regular basis. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Erin]

I agree with regentrude, too.  And that's spoken as one who owns SIX horses, btw.  Leasing is far more practical than ownership.  There have been more than one occasion where I've felt trapped by those hay burners, particularly now that we aren't living on ranches and having their care covered by the boss!

 

 

 

But let me tell you a story--  

 

There is indeed something very special about owning a horse.  

Apparently I'm Pod'sMum's DD. lol I was told all my growing up years that I could own a horse as soon as I was on my own.  I had friends who owned horses, so I was riding at a fairly young age, but I never had one of my very own.  But lucky me, I married a cowboy and the occupation being what it is, it tends to come with horses.  

I hadn't yet gotten my own, but Trap still owned the horse he'd had since it was born to his dad's mare, when he was six.  (The dun on the right in my avatar actually).  His sisters, OTOH, had had to sell theirs when his folks quit ranching when the kids were in college.  Everyone is fairly sure they all just went to the kill buyer.  An excellent example of the drawbacks of ownership, btw.  But Trap knew he was going into ranching after college, so he managed to board him out for the rest of those years.

 

Orion was 11 when we first started dating.  And he was a character.  He always seemed to look at you like he was waiting for you to say something that might actually be relevant to him.  lol  By the time we got married, he was 14 and was joined by Shiloh (on the left in my avatar), then a young colt.  He was a  wedding present from Grandpa-in-law, for me.  

 

Orion was Trap's (and my) go-to cow horse.  I often joked that you could just sit there and read the paper and drink your coffee while that horse did all your work.  He was persnickety, but an excellent working horse.  By the time Buck was born, he was 18.  He had a big Roman nose, was front-heavy, had a thick neck, always pulled on the reins, and had two gears, stopped and full-tilt.  He would dance and prance as soon as you'd saddle him up, but once he spotted cattle, his ears were up and he was all business.  

At 18, he was still running circles around horses half his age.  

 

My husband has the classic cowboy's itchy foot, so we hauled that horse (as well as home, hearth and heathens) to over a half-dozen different homes and jobs over the years.  The kids finally got to the point where they'd had enough experience with other, gentler, horses that they could handle Orion, so they were now riding him too.  

 

The last ranch we lived on, the kids were 8 and 10.  Orion was 29.  He would still put in a full day's work, but he needed a couple of days to recover.  On the days when Trap would ride out of the yard on someone else, he would stand at the corral gate and CRY because he was being left behind.  It was truly pathetic.  lol  

 

It was fall, which means weaning in cattle country.  We'd been riding all week.  Trap was riding one of our younger horses, getting some experience on her, and I was rotating through our other horses.  I rode Orion one cool day and he stumbled going up a hill.  Then he stood at the top and panted, catching his breath.  This was new.  Even though he was 29, it was truly the first time he'd ever seemed old.  He was still an easy keeper; had good teeth, good feet, didn't need special feed... I always joked that, "shhh...he doesn't know he's old.  No one tell him!"

I'd loved this horse for 18 years by this point.  And Trap had loved him for 29--the vast majority of his life.  I liked to tease him that that old horse was the closest thing he'd ever had to a brother.   ;)

 

 

Five days after he'd stumbled, Trap went out to feed one morning and found Orion by the water tank, where he'd died.  

He got the loader out and dug his grave in a bluff overlooking the creek where the cows watered.  He still cries over that old horse when he reminisces...Me too.  I'm dripping as I write.  

 

 

 

 

 

Most horses won't be an Orion.  Even horse people will tell you, you're pretty lucky to get one of those in your lifetime.  
But if you get one, he'll be part of you forever. 

 

[JoJosMom]

Horses are the land equivalent of boats-you know, that dry spot in the middle of the lake that sucks in money like a dry sponge sucks water?  They are large, eat a lot, poop more, and can be very stupid. Leasing is, indeed, the far more practical option.

 

Sadly, I am not practical.  We have three horses, including my daughter's lame, geriatric first lesson horse.  We love them like family.  They will be with us until they die.  There is nothing more precious than seeing that lame old horse light up when my daughter goes out to the pasture and follow her around like a puppy.  He is also fond of licking her. :001_wub:

 

 

Edited:  Oops, I was so lost in love that I forgot to answer the OP's original question.  Have you considered duct tape?

 

[fairfarmhand]

We have 4 horses. They cost us about 2 grand a year in feed, feet, veterinary. That doesnt take into account the fact that we could have 4 more cows here that would make us money if we didn't have the horses eating. Current price of beef means that we could make 4-5 thousand MORE each year without horses.

 

However, my dd has a sweet bond with her gelding that really means alot to her. He's a neat, funny, interesting horse. The others are just horses, but not Harley.

[Pod's mum]

Erin our 'Orion' was a donkey that was caught wild as a young foal when I was 5. It moved across the country with us, grew up with us and had foals of her own. We all considered her an extra, equally grumpy, sibling. She was shot by spot-lighters when I was in my teens.

 

If dd started nagging me for a donkey, I think I'd fold.

[rainbird2]

DH and I were up late last night discussing if we should buy a horse or if we should just lease this expensive pony my son is riding.  Wow, I think we will stay with the lease.  It's cheaper than owning, for sure. 

 

I'm green when it comes to horses.  I had no idea they were so much $$ and so much work.  Too bad my son is hooked...he has decided he is going to be a horse vet (although I'm sure that is very expensive schooling and going to be a difficult field).

 

For all that shared wisdom on leasing vs. buying, I wish I could send you a dozen roses, a box of chocolates and a bottle of wine.  Thank you for posting.  :wub:

[StephanieZ]

If he's cool with leasing, but not owning, then my guess is the responsibility is the concern, right?

 

Is it $$ or time? Or something else? 

 

I'm guessing $$, as that seems to be the common root of resistance to added responsibilities for my wonderful dh. A good man who supports a high maintenance and expensive family . . . can reasonably be concerned about adding to that heavy load!

 

So, anyway, if it is $$, then I'd maybe come up with a budget. And a plan. And I'd talk it over . . .  and I'd bat my eyelashes . . . and, usually, I'll eventually talk him into it. My dh has been talked in to nearly all of our responsibilities. He put his foot down after the third kid, though, so I guess he does have his limits. 

 

Good luck!
 

(And, I'd suggest going ahead and leasing one . . . Ease all of you into it . . .)

[Elisabet1]

I want a dog. But, I can see my husband doesn't want one more than I want one. So I let it go. As one might say, I let him "convince" me to not have a dog. It is just a part of the give and take I guess. Sounds like your dh have given a lot already. Maybe, since you are fostering, he will eventually let you adopt that one.