Jump to content

Menu

Has anyone else NEVER been away from their children?


Tmhearn
 Share

Recommended Posts

Just wondering if anyone else has never been away from their children over night? I read longingly about the posts of people going away on trips without their kids. I did spend one night in the hospital away from my kids for births 2-4. I'm not sure if that counts. It sure didn't feel like a vacation. :-)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have been away from my kids but when they were younger it was incredibly hard to do.  They missed me terribly and I missed them.  I tried to keep any time away extremely short when they were younger.  But now that they are 10 and 13 and have had a few nights with me gone at least once each year for the past few years, they are fine.  They miss me and I miss them but we are all a lot more comfortable than when they were younger.  And I have great support with my mom and a neighbor friend and other family members so I know while I am gone they are well cared for.

 

Every parent and child and situation is different and parents must go with their own parent instincts as to what they feel comfortable with.  I have family that have never left their children overnight and I have some that were leaving them before they were 3.  Just depends on the family.

 

I do vividly remember being incredibly shocked when a friend of mine left her 8 month old with her mother and father in another state for over a month so the grandparents could get to know her.  The child is an adult now and doing fine so I guess all's well that ends well, but I was flummoxed that everyone thought it was a good idea.  :)

 

FWIW,  I don't think spending one night in a hospital while giving birth counts as a vacation, either.  :)  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I used to be in that boat, until I was pregnant with #3 and dh and I went to Puerto Rico for a week. It was kind of spontaneous, we had had a really stressful few months, and I just called him one day and said, "I need a cruise!". He said, " Book it." We didn't end up doing a cruise because I was too far along, but oh, it was marvelous! I highly recommend time away from kids. We haven't done it since then, for various reasons (mostly babies and buying a house), but we crave it all the time. As soon as this baby is about a year old or so, we're outta here.

 

I know a few people like pp who don't mind never getting away, but I think they're the minority. Maybe it's because we live away from family, dh works long hours, and I'm just desperate for a break, but I like the occasional opportunity to really miss my children (and I so did! A week might be a little too long, because I stared counting down on day four). Plus, dh and I are kinda different people when we're without our kids. Everything just feels...lighter...when we're away from the responsibilities of home. It feels like when we were dating. It's so much fun!

 

ETA: my MIL flew out to stay with the kids when we went. Child care is the tricky part of this for us. Luckily, MIL doesn't work and has the money to come.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Only once when the oldest two were 5yo and 3yo. DH and I left them for two nights with my sister who often babysat them. We took kid #3 with us as he was still nursing. The kids were not bothered much as they were at home wht their favorite auntie.

 

That was the only time in 20+ years except for the night kid #4 was born. But my mom live with us then so it was not a problem.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There was a period for about a year that my mom would take my oldest overnight once a month or so. Overnight means after we fed him dinner to before lunch the next day. Other than that, I've only been away from them for having a baby.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest submarines

I haven't been away until my oldest was 12 and the youngest was 6. It didn't feel comfortable being away from them earlier. The upsdie? When I finally went away on my own for 3 days I hardly missed them. :lol: The timing was right, I guess. :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oldest is severely disabled and has a seizure disorder. One of us (dh or I) is always with her overnight. If grandparents lived closer and were amenable to training, this might be different. I have been away on my own for at most 2 nights (women's retreat, off to see my sister/mom), but dh and I have never been away together. When youngest was born, a friend was here from midnight to maybe 9 am. Dh would have hurried home to give oldest medicine some time after the 7:30am birth!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In ten years, I have been away from my kids four times. I could travel occasionally with DH, he is going to France this summer on business (I speak Franch and could interpret), but always have a fear that if we travel together, the kids could be orphaned if something awful happened. My logical mind says awful things happen close to home, but emotions take over and I cannot get past it. :o

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mine go to sleepovers at friends' homes so I am away from them overnight. Dh and I took one trip out of state together for three days and my mom stayed with dds. We enjoyed ourselves but each agreed we enjoyed our vacations more when dds were with us. We all have a lot of fun together and we really enjoy seeing new places and things with dds right now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have been away from each of my four children overnight at some point.  A couple times I took a kid out of town and left others behind and they each go to sleepovers with grandparents but not all at once.   I have never been away from all of them at the same time in 16 years of parenthood.  We just don't have the childcare to do that.   

Link to comment
Share on other sites

DH and I have only taken two overnight trips away from the kids.  The first was when I was pg with #3 and we knew it would be a long time before we got a chance to do it again.  The other was just recently for a night for our anniversary.  Both times my ILs offered to take the kids.  The only other times I have been away was hospital stays for births.  I don't have a strong desire to go on vacations without them very often.  DH and I are planning a cruise for our 20th anniversary, but otherwise I prefer to do things as a family.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, we've never been apart, until they got old enough to leave us! :lol:

 

We never went on vacation without the kids.

 

They had sleepovers with individual friends, so some kid was always home. Around 5th grade, they'd go troop camping with scouts without me or DH. In high school, they started taking trips without us.

 

The years when they were little sped by and I don't at all regret our choice not to leave them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When my kids were little, it was rare for us to be away from them. They did stay over Grandma's for the night once in a while. We never went away on trips, though, until two years ago, when they were 15,12 and 7. We went on a cruise to Alaska and the kids stayed with Grandma and a cousin. Truly, I would have liked to bring them on the cruise; we could not afford to. But I'm not of the mind that, "oh, we have to get away!" Just never felt that need.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, when my kids were your kids' ages, I don't know if I had, either.  I think the first time I was gone from them all overnight - and that was just for one night - was in 2012, for our local homeschool convention, maybe?  Not sure.  And that was just one night.  I went to NYC as a chaperone for a youth missions trip later that month for a week.  DH had gone to Haiti just a few months earlier for a missions trip for a week.  

Last year I was gone to the convention for 2 nights (and I will be this year, as well).  I went to Thailand for 2 weeks, obviously.  

The kids spend random nights at their grandparents', usually because DH is working and I have to be somewhere early the next day and it's much easier for everyone involved if the kids just spend the night instead of me dragging everyone up even earlier to take them over there (plus they would have to be up early!)

 

Anyway, it's one thing when you have a kid under 2, IMO.  

 

Oh...wait... I guess ours always spent NYE over at my ILs back when DH and I used to chaperone youth group lock ins.  And that started their first respective NYEs...so yeah, sometimes they were really little.  But still, that was us in town, 20 minutes away, for about 14 hours.  I don't think that's a big deal, but YMMV.

I also had no problem leaving mine for 2 weeks to go halfway around the globe with 30 people I'd never met.  I didn't miss any of my family while I was gone, either - it always cracks me up when people say they are going to miss their kids when they are gone overnight.  :lol:  But to each their own!  :)

Nope. Don't want to either.

Okay, I'm Totally just asking this because I'm curious... but why?  What's wrong with being away from the kids for a night?

I don't mean that to sound harsh - I'm just curious.  Are you talking like, no vacations separate from the kids (which I don't see the point of, personally - I have so many places I'd love to take them and only so long...I can go on trips without them when they leave home. :) ) or just not being away from them for a night, period?

I'm just wondering.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I left my two oldest kids (my son wasn't born yet) who were ages 4 and 7 months to go to Italy for two weeks with my dh. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity so I don't regret it, but I was very happy to get back home and see my babies.

 

All three of the kids stayed with my parents for 4 days while I went out of town two years ago. They were ages 8, 4, and 2 at the time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mine are 6, 3, and newborn. Obviously, I've never been away from the baby. We've never vacationed without the kids, but they spend the night with grandparents pretty regularly. Dh and I are just at home, but we enjoy that time very much! The kids don't miss us at all. They love it and practically push us out the door when we drop them off.

 

If it wasn't for grandparents though, I probably would not have been away from them yet.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh, man! Am i just a selfish mom for loving my kidless vacation and wanting more???

 

I guess I don't see how couple vacations exclude vacations with the kids. My ideal plan involves family vacations AND couple vacations. Right now, vacation with our kids is just super hard, so we don't do a whole lot. I expect that will change as they get older, and then it will be a blast to have them with us on trips. But that won't change the fact that a vacation alone with your spouse is a totally different experience than a vacation with the whole family. The activities are different, the whole tone is different, the destination is probably different...and it gives a real boost to the relationship. Our relationship is generally pretty great, but we were like newlyweds for a couple months after our trip. If we did a couple vacation every year, we would be like newlyweds for almost a quarter of the time. Not too shabby for 10+ years of marriage. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 I guess I don't see how couple vacations exclude vacations with the kids.

 

For one thing, vacation budgets are a zero-sum game for many of us.

 

Childcare is the big issue, though. We don't live close to grandparents, and TBH I can't see leaving DS with any of them for more than a day anyway.

 

In our case, it's also relevant that DH hates to travel. We weren't exactly globetrotters before DS was born, either. :001_rolleyes:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Up till a few months ago we hadn't. We left our children with my parents at our house in March while dh and I went out of town for the weekend. The teenagers have gone on various overnight things without me as they've gotten older, but that was the first time I'd spent the night away from my youngest. I expect the next time will be when the teenagers are old enough to be left overnight on their own.

 

Not being able to go out of town isn't really a big deal for us since the older boys can babysit, so we can go out in the evening whenever we want to. In my opinion, it's more convenient to have teenagers in the house who can easily stay home with a sleeping child than to have family around who has to rearrange their schedules to take care of my child.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oldest is severely disabled and has a seizure disorder. One of us (dh or I) is always with her overnight. If grandparents lived closer and were amenable to training, this might be different. I have been away on my own for at most 2 nights (women's retreat, off to see my sister/mom), but dh and I have never been away together. When youngest was born, a friend was here from midnight to maybe 9 am. Dh would have hurried home to give oldest medicine some time after the 7:30am birth!

 

I don't know if this is an option you would consider (or if it is available where you live) but in our county, Community Mental Health provides respite money for us to hire the person of our choice to do respite for a few hours or overnight .  They have to be clearance checked and pass a basic training.  You can get ones (like my friend) that are certified in giving various meds, tube feeds, seizure training, etc.  It is a HUGE blessing for us.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dh and I got away for 1 overnight when ds was 8 and dd was 13 months old.  Then 2nd dd was born and we did not get an overnight away until she was 10 or so.  I just didn't have any overnight people at that point in our lives.  Both my mother and MIL are disabled---mine in a power wheelchair and MIL is a kidney transplant patient with other health issues.

 

I would say that if you can find good, reliable, trustworthy care for the kids PLEASE try to get away.  Even if it is just one overnight less than an hour away.  It was very good for our marriage to do so and our kids really benefitted from the short time away.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My husband and I have not taken a vacation without our kids.  Our family and friends think we are strange and are always trying to get us to go away on our own.  We like being with our kids.  The way we figure it, we only have them for a short time before they go and start their own lives away from us. We want to take advantage of it. 

 

We have plenty of friends and family who don't think twice about taking off without their kids.   It works for them the same way our arrangement works for us. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've never left the kid overnight.  My DH has been on a couple of business trips and was gone overnight.  But I've never done that. 

 

However, they have had sleepovers at other kid's houses or with grandma and have left me overnight.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not really. My two oldest (6 and 9) have stayed with their grandparents when we lived across the street, and dd9 has now spent the night at two friends homes. Other than that, no, and I don't have a desire to at all. I like knowing everyone is all together at the end of the day.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

DH and I are leaving in 3 weeks for a childless 5 days in Mexico. I've been counting down the days since January :D. My mom will come watch DS, and I think she's been looking forward to it as much as I have!

 

We live far from family, so regular child care is slim. Date nights are few and far between, and I don't think I've been childless during working hours ever.

 

We left DS when he was 6 months old for a weekend. We had been invited to a no children wedding across the country, and it seemed more of a hassle to bring him and find sitters than it did to have the grandparents in to help. Sleeping in was glorious. I'm so looking forward to that again!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yep, I've definitely been away from them. When they were babies and everything.

 

I like being with my kids. But once in a while, I like being out alone with my husband.

 

That being said, we have two great sets of grandparents, two great-grandmothers, many aunties and cousins who are always willing to babysit for us. If I had to pay for questionable-quality childcare just to go away for a night, I doubt I would have done it. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh, man! Am i just a selfish mom for loving my kidless vacation and wanting more???

 

I guess I don't see how couple vacations exclude vacations with the kids. My ideal plan involves family vacations AND couple vacations. Right now, vacation with our kids is just super hard, so we don't do a whole lot. I expect that will change as they get older, and then it will be a blast to have them with us on trips. But that won't change the fact that a vacation alone with your spouse is a totally different experience than a vacation with the whole family. The activities are different, the whole tone is different, the destination is probably different...and it gives a real boost to the relationship. Our relationship is generally pretty great, but we were like newlyweds for a couple months after our trip. If we did a couple vacation every year, we would be like newlyweds for almost a quarter of the time. Not too shabby for 10+ years of marriage. :)

 

I don't think you're selfish at all!

 

Dh and I just don't enjoy vacations away from our dds as much as we enjoy vacations with them. I think nothing bad of those that do, though. It's really just about us wanting to travel and experience all those new things with our dds instead of just the two of us and we can't afford to do both.

 

We also feel we get quite a bit of alone time without the vacations. Our dds have sleepovers and we have the house to ourselves. We can also go out for several hours and leave dds home alone, so we often go out to eat or to a movie.  We've been married 16 years and feel this has been working great for us.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The kids spend the occasional night sleeping over with grands or cousins. DH and I spent some time away from eldest in the hospital when having youngest, and when youngest was in the hospital one week later.

 

DH has been away on a few business trips, but not frequently. I have had four trips away from the rest of the family (two for others' medical emergencies), and have been told I won't be allowed more because the last 2 times hurricanes came in while I was out of state. I also made a side trip without the rest of the family to help my Dad while the rest of the family continued on.

 

We have not had any prolonged trips away from the kids as a couple. Will we? Hard to say. The topic has been discussed and we will consider it under certain business travel conditions, though now that we are homeschooling we would likely take the kids along.

 

We have ample family nearby to watch the kids if we ever need to leave them for a time, plus a friend I would trust to do so if ever needed. This makes the decision easier for us, should we ever decide to make it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My kids are 13 and 11. I was away from the 13 year old for one night when the 11 year old was born. I was away from them both for one night when I flew to another state for my grandmother's funeral. That's it.

I forgot about funerals.

 

I left DH and eldest behind when my Mom was dying (youngest not born yet). DH then left eldest with his folks to join me for the funeral after Mom passed. One month later I left my family behind again when my dearly loved aunt died. It was Thanksgiving, and last-minute plane tickets cost a fortune, even at bereavement rates. We didn't have enough money for DH to join me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

For one thing, vacation budgets are a zero-sum game for many of us.

 

Childcare is the big issue, though. We don't live close to grandparents, and TBH I can't see leaving DS with any of them for more than a day anyway.

 

In our case, it's also relevant that DH hates to travel. We weren't exactly globetrotters before DS was born, either. :001_rolleyes:

Yes, this is us, on all points. We don't have readily-available childcare for little kids. None of the grandparents are physically able to keep kids with them for several nights. They can now, because the kids are mostly self-sufficient, but when the kids were little that was not readily available.

 

My DH is not the best traveler, either. He does not enjoy navigating unfamiliar surroundings. He is predictably out-of-sorts for at least one whole day when we travel.

 

Honestly, the trips I have most enjoyed have been myself with one of my kids. I can plan things however I want, go out, stay in, eat where I and/or the kid wants to and I don't have a grumpy DH to contend with, nor the needs of three different kids to consider.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh, man! Am i just a selfish mom for loving my kidless vacation and wanting more???

 

I guess I don't see how couple vacations exclude vacations with the kids. My ideal plan involves family vacations AND couple vacations. Right now, vacation with our kids is just super hard, so we don't do a whole lot. I expect that will change as they get older, and then it will be a blast to have them with us on trips. But that won't change the fact that a vacation alone with your spouse is a totally different experience than a vacation with the whole family. The activities are different, the whole tone is different, the destination is probably different...and it gives a real boost to the relationship. Our relationship is generally pretty great, but we were like newlyweds for a couple months after our trip. If we did a couple vacation every year, we would be like newlyweds for almost a quarter of the time. Not too shabby for 10+ years of marriage. :)

I don't think it's selfish, but I just don't experience it that way. We went on a cruise a couple years ago as a couple and, while it was lovely and I would happily repeat it, I don't feel that it boosts our relationship especially much. I do think it would be ideal to do one couple vacation and one family vacation every year, but logistically and financially, that is not happening. I would have loved for the kids to go with us to AK, but it was tremendously pricey already. The flight is very expensive and we did great excursions at each port.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

DH and I are leaving in 3 weeks for a childless 5 days in Mexico. I've been counting down the days since January :D. My mom will come watch DS, and I think she's been looking forward to it as much as I have!

!

Yep, this was my MIL, too! We live on the opposite side of the country from our families, so we only see them once a year, on a vacation that is split between our two families since they live in the same place. She LOVED getting to be with the kids for a week, not having to share them with the other grandma and other cousins. And my kids had the time of their lives. They definitely missed us (which was kinda nice--my kids don't have many opportunities to be excited to see me), but they had great experiences and made memories with their grandma. Honestly, it was such a win-win for everyone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...