Struggling reader, feeling like a failure. Need hugs.

[Caclcoca]

My dd struggled with reading.  She worked so hard and really wanted to read.  My heart hurt for her.  Right around her eighth birthday her reading level shot up almost overnight.  She now loves to read, and she reads all the time.  My oldest was an early reader, and my third child seems to be an average reader.  I have one more left, so who knows where he will land.  

[NASDAQ]

I don't remember nearly so many three and four-year-old readers when I was a child, which was not in the time of the wooly mammoths. There's a selection bias though. People with precocious readers are proud of it (nothing wrong with that) and thus more likely to mention it. People with later readers, with even what used to be considered typical readers, are often ashamed and keep their cards close to the breast.

 

In the fifties people thought children weren't ready to start learning to read until 6.5.

 

My daughter did not find it easy to learn to read. I despaired a bit at that passage in WTM. Thankfully phonics doesn't last forever. She read. Yours will read. You will feel like you just climbed Mt. Everest with one leg.

 

Take a break for a little while. Change programs if that would help. Don't let yourself get too frustrated. I promise promise promise she will read.

[Above The Rowan]

My 8 yr old just recently started having the confidence to read and is tryin to work on his writing now.

 

Late/struggling reading is not something for you or your child to feel like a failure. I was a freakishly early reader, and you know what? After a while my peers and I were on the same page. Being an early reader is just the way it happens for some kids - and doesn't mean that anyone else is stupid or unworthy.

 

Some kids have other skills they are working on in the early years. My non-reading 8 yr old has developed a deep and amazing sense of social justice and empathy.

 

So hang in there mama - and please don't hang your success on this one peg.

[PeacefulChaos]

I'm with you, OP!

 

I had one - my oldest - who loved to read.  He caught on super fast and was reading great before he came home to be homeschooled.  

Then I tried teaching Astro to read.  Holy-not so easy-Batman... He did okay at first, with easy CVC words and stuff, but he still never really developed a love for it.  He still hasn't developed a love for it.  He's 8.  He started with a tutor, finally, in February, because I just couldn't handle feeling like 'it must be my fault' any more (which wasn't helped by the fact that he was the first kid I'd tried to teach to read, while the other one learned at school and did great, kwim?  Even though I knew, logically, that I probably had nothing to do with it...).  Granted, the tutor wasn't perfect (I'm still not 100% sure they understood what I was telling them he needed help with!  They kept talking about comprehension - NO, he doesn't have a problem with THAT, it's the MECHANICS of reading!!!  Le sigh...) - he's supposed to go this summer but he hasn't started yet even though I thought the session was supposed to be mid-May through mid-June?  (It's through our local university's graduate program, they have a speech, hearing, and literacy center, and the lady in charge of it isn't impressing me too much right now lol!)  Anyway...sorry for that vent lol!

Anyway, the tutor seemed to help some - whether it was that I shifted my focus, too, at that point, because I learned he had a problem with sight words, or the time out of the house doing exercises with a pretty college girl ;) - I figured it's worth keeping on for awhile.  He's gotten to reading at grade level now.  He got a Boxcar Children book - he PICKED a Boxcar Children book! - from the library last week and he's been reading a chapter a day on top of his oral reading to me.  

He may be a child who never loves to read, an adult who never loves it.  Obviously that doesn't mean he gets out of it - it's necessary!  But I am okay with that fact (DH doesn't love to read either) as long as he's actually learning how to do it, and I'll keep making him do it through all of his school years lol.  :)

 

I'm just now coming up on Pink starting to learn.  All the people with kids reading at 3 or 4?  Even Link didn't do that.  He was 5 - 6 when he was fluent and reading far above grade level.  The other two, nah... Pink likes to be read to some, and I tried starting OPG with her last fall but it was a wash.  So I just decided to wait.  She's starting to care more about the alphabet and numbers and stuff (and telling time lol), so hopefully this fall we'll get in at a good time.  

 

So yeah, I feel ya.  

[Jilly]

6.5 is still quite young. I would try not to worry too much. I had a very late reader, one average reader, and one very early reader. Kids are on their own timetable and the great thing about homeschooling is that you have the benefit of taking it at their speed.  :grouphug:

 

 

[Pen]

It seems like everywhere and everyone is bragging about their child reading so early, you know, "my child taught themselves to read at 3", "my 4 year old is on lesson 89 in 100-EZ lessons", "my 5 year old is reading at a 5th grade level"...etc. 

 

I am in tears today.  My 6.5yo is struggling and I know it's not her fault.  She's starting to feel stupid and so am I. I'm embarassed to say anything because the people we know only have young children (all of them that read) and wouldn't understand. Even the WTM says reading is easy. 

 

I know it's just a matter of time and diligence, but the struggle now is making me feel like a failure since everywhere I just keep hearing how smart and wonderful all these young readers are, even here on the board. 

Aren't there any other children that don't read "early." sigh

 

I just need hugs and enouragement, please.

 

6.5 is still quite young. And she may just need more time or more maturity or something. She also may need her vision checked by a COVD type optometrist.

 

But it may be that your child needs more than just time and diligence. If she has dyslexia, for example, she may need a reading program suited to her specific needs. I would look into this at this point because if she is starting to feel stupid and you are feeling like a failure you may need help and intervention before you add an emotional burden onto a learning challenge.

 

For what it is worth, the main program that ended up working for my son was www.highnoonbooks.com, reading intervention program and sound out chapter books. We also found www.talkingfingers.com Read Write Type program a helpful supplement. Others have gotten help from other programs such as Barton, Dancing Bears, and so on.

 

If it makes you feel better, my son was not reading at 9 years old, and then after successful intervention he is now quite a good reader and enjoys it age 12.

 

But I wish I had looked into intervention earlier than I did.

[LMD]

:lol: back in the 90s my son wanted to play Zelda. Yes, the original. :)

 

For my kids it was pokemon games!

 

 

Hugs OP - it's a marathon, not a sprint!  You have your child, not a theoretical child.  Hooray for homeschooling, you can go at her pace.  A lot of those people teaching 4 year olds to read, well, the 4y/o might be able to make out a CVC word or 2 but I wouldn't panic that they're all fluently reading (my older 2 were those kids!)  I agree with NASDAQ 

 

 

There's a selection bias though. People with precocious readers are proud of it (nothing wrong with that) and thus more likely to mention it.

[Guest]

My dad the rocket scientist says he didn't read until he was 9.

 

My 6yods is so excited about being able to read the first set of Bob books, chapter titles in our read alouds, book titles on the spine to bring me the read-aloud he wants, street signs, titles of YouTube videos, etc. that I'd hate to see someone burst his bubble by telling him that it's "not good enough" even though I know my local public school would lose federal funding if they felt the same way I do about it.

 

Hang in there, mama, you're not a failure and neither is your little girl. :grouphug:

 

She might enjoy this: http://www.abebooks.com/servlet/BookDetailsPL?bi=12966279853&searchurl=an%3DKaye%252C%2BPeggy%26amp%3Bkn%3DGames%2Bfor%2BReading%26amp%3Bx%3D0%26amp%3By%3D0

 

and it won't hurt your pocketbook very much or make her feel bad if it's not her cup of tea.

 

FWIW, I was an early reader and my parents and teachers tried very hard to keep books away from me "because she won't do well in school if she is that different from the other children and she may never catch a husband if all the boys think she is too smart".

[Tammi K]

My oldest was reading at 4. Then dd #2 came along and was quick at everything. She walked early, she talked early, she was doing arithmetic in her head when she was 3 or 4. I expected her to breeze through learning to read.  Five came, then 6, 7, 8 and she still wasn't reading.  We kept plodding along but reading didn't click. She was given an IQ test (for a different reason) and her score was super high. But, still not reading. Then one day we noticed she was turning her head oddly and walking funny (someone said she looked like a baby giraffe) and I decided to get her eyes checked. Focusing issues and prismatic lenses helped the balance but...still not reading.  Finally, when she was about 9 her piano teacher said his friend was a reading specialist who would be happy to work with her. We went to the first tutor session and the woman said she 'would be fine'. After another session or two the woman said she was doing fine and didn't need any help. Sure enough, all of a sudden it just clicked. I asked her what she had done. She said she didn't do anything special, it was just time. And, when it's time, it clicks.

 

The next one didn't walk until 17 months, didn't talk until 3, didn't read until 2nd or 3rd grade. Interestingly, she could draw recognizable pictures when she was just a toddler. But, she just graduated from college Cum Laude.  (And, she's quite an impressive artist - who can read!) I could tell similar stories about the other three kids. They all have different strengths and weaknesses.

 

I think the best advice is relax and enjoy your daughter. Some kids just take more time than others.  Lots of deep breaths and let her come into it at his own pace. She'll get it.  Just keep on truckin' Mama. Your doing fine!

 

edit because I gender swapped your daughter for a son. All better now.

[Alicia64]

I haven't read everyone's comments, but wanted to share: I have twins. One (somehow) taught himself to read at 5. The other was. not. reading. at 7. Was I freaked out? You bet.

 

My brother in law has dyslexia and I started reading everything I could on the subject.

 

Simultaneously I bought the I See Sam series and I would get into bed at night w/ boy, get cozy and he'd read to me w/ prompting initially from me. We'd read some I See Sam and then I'd read our read aloud.

 

Within months of this he was reading. It was so successful that he finally said, "Mama, I don't want to read the 'I See Sam' book -- I want to read my own book!" Meaning he was reading chapter books and was done learning and wanted to just read.

 

Kids' brains really do form in their own time. Having twins I can  see that.

 

If commenters are suggesting testing: don't let me stop you. I just wanted to give you my experience and I hope you try out I See Sam -- it's not pricey. I just bought a few booklets at a time. And I've kept all of them for grandkids -- which my son wanted me to do.

 

Alley

[IsabelC]

I've noticed that quite a few people (including me - oops!) mentioned children who took off at age 8 as being "late" readers, but it's worth remembering that, although there isn't a complete consensus among the experts, many would view 8 as within the bounds of "normal" (eg, WebMD states that children learn to read "independently and fluently" by 3rd grade, which is age 8 where I live). I think that anywhere from 4-8 used to be considered fine, whereas now we have an expectation that kids will be reading at 4, and tend to worry when they aren't. (Also, we may sometimes get confused by varying ways of defining 'reading'; somebody might say that their child can 'read' when the child recognizes a few common words. Somebody else might not consider their child to be 'reading' until the child can read books at a certain level.) There is, too, an expectation that kids will be reading before they start school, whereas when I started school kids learned to read at school: I was probably the only child in my class who could read at the beginning of the school year. When you take into account that school didn't historically start until somewhere between 6 and 10, there would have been many kids still perfecting their reading skills at age 9-12 in the 'good old days'. I'm all for early intervention where there are actual disabilities at play, but I also think we need to remind ourselves that 'normal' is a range, not a specific point, and there is nothing wrong with being on the more leisurely end of normal.