Does the oldest always get first pick?

[DawnM]

We are looking at moving into a different house.  My youngest is already making noise about being able to pick the bedroom he wants FIRST.  

 

I get it.  He hasn't ever been able to get first pick.  He wants it.

 

However, I don't think a 10 year old needs the biggest or the one "closest to the bathroom."  (that seems to be his big thing right now. as his current bedroom is furthest away from the bathroom.)

 

What do you do?

 

Dawn

[Ellie]

Draw straws. :-)

[JFSinIL]

Maybe he should get first pick for once - he will be home with you the longest, right?  Imagine how good he'll feel getting to be FIRST for once!

[MrsMommy]

I try to mix up who gets first pick...sometimes the oldest, sometimes the youngest, sometimes one of the middles.

 

A bedroom is a bigger deal than who gets the biggest piece of cake, though. I do agree that since he'll be home the longest, it might make sense to let him go first. But some kind of lottery might be a good idea...at least it's random, and no one can say you played favorites.

 

So, I basically see every side. I'm really helpful, aren't I? ;)

[J-rap]

Maybe it logically makes most sense to do it a certain way.  For example, if the younger two boys need to share a room, then I'd give them the bigger room.  Or maybe, one of your sons really doesn't care at all which one he has, or likes the neat style of the smaller one for some reason.

 

Otherwise, if they all wanted it, I'd probably give it to the older one, with the middle son knowing he'd get it in two years and the younger one two years after that (or whatever it is).

 

Or, maybe you can find something really neat about the smallest room and then everyone would want that one.  :)

 

ETA:  Probably the first thing I'd try is encouraging them to figure it out themselves.  Maybe they'll come up with some arrangement that works for all of them! 

[Amira]

We've moved often so our boys are always getting new rooms, but I don't think we've ever let one of them choose first.  Usually we haven't had lots of space so we have to figure out a good system for everyone.  This house, though,  isn't so small and everyone gets his own room for the first time.  We asked the boys which rooms they preferred and worked it out from there, but no one got to pick first. The two older boys each had reasons why they preferred different rooms.  If there had been one room everyone wanted for good reasons, then we might have rotated people through it.

 

As the fourth of five children, I definitely have a problem with the oldest always getting to pick first. :)

[SquirrellyMama]

My brother, the oldest, always got first pick of rooms.  I'm still a bit bitter :blushing:

 

Kelly

[jenn-]

If you are expecting to be in the next house for some time, I would let the youngest give you his preference first.  Have him give you a list of the order of rooms he would like with an argument for the why #1 is #1.  If you want it to feel "fair" let them all write you out some lists and arguments.

[TheAttachedMama]

My husband was/is the oldest and his family---and he is very adamant that the OLDEST should always get first pick and the biggest bedroom.  Personally, I feel like that is really unfair and completely disagree with him!  (I am the only child---so I don't have any direct experience with this.  I just feel like it isn't fair for the middle/youngest children.)    Why should they always get the smallest or least just because of their birth order? 

 

I personally think that the room should be picked based on the needs of the children....not based on age.  SO---say for example you have a daughter who has a ton of clothes, she should get the room that has the most clothes storage possibilities.  OR---if you have a child who likes to draw, maybe they should get the room with the most light or room for a desk.   If you can't see any needs that can be met with the rooms, than I personally think that the rooms should be divided based on drawing straws or something like that. 

[Ottakee]

Friends of ours just had their kids change rooms every 6-12 months so they all got a turn at the premium room.  They didnt' all out decorate each room though so it was easier to do.

 

[bettyandbob]

my older sister always got the largest room, then my brother, then me with the smallest.

 

I had a friend whose family just let the kids race up the stairs pushing each other to get to the rooms first. 4 kids. I guess they weren't as mean as my siblings. We would have killed eachother in such a contest.

 

I like the rule that the oldest gets first pick, but he must be prepared to change when he leaves for college or turns X age, which ever comes first.

[sassenach]

What about the middle child? Poor, forgotten middle child. (I'm just joking)

 

I go with the oldest. At least in this house, the oldest has a lot more responsibilities. I think my oldest has earned the first pick privilege. The youngest will have the place to himself in a few years.

 

I say go random or go oldest to youngest.

[MiMi 4under3]

Let oldest pick first. Life's not fair.   ;)

[Shellydon]

You pick and assign rooms.

[SquirrellyMama]

What about the middle child? Poor, forgotten middle child. (I'm just joking)

 

I go with the oldest. At least in this house, the oldest has a lot more responsibilities. I think my oldest has earned the first pick privilege. The youngest will have the place to himself in a few years.

 

I say go random or go oldest to youngest.

 

I never got to move into the largest room when my brother moved to college.  He flunked out pretty quickly and came back to his room. I may be more than just a bit bitter :blushing:

 

Kelly

 

[DawnM]

I should clarify.  Oldest didn't get to "pick" his current room.

 

ALL 3 boys shared that room for quite some time.  Well, 2 did and then we got a 3rd and he shared too.

 

Youngest had a HORRIBLE snoring problem, even after getting his tonsils and adenoids removed, so we cleaned out the playroom for him to use as his own room.

 

A few years later, after the older two were both teens, we offered to turn the guest room into a room for one of the.  The middle wanted it and the oldest didn't want to have to move, so middle got it.

 

However, for some reason,  youngest keeps talking about this!

[DawnM]

Crud, I should have made this a POLL!

[Heather in Neverland]

We have moved a lot and it has never occurred to me to let the kids pick their own rooms. Dh and I decide who goes where based on a variety of factors. The kids have never complained or even asked to choose a room. It was that way for me growing up, too. I guess it is odd to me that the kids, who are not paying the bills, get the choice.

[DawnM]

I understand this and it has never been an issue for us either.

 

In fact, middle and oldest haven't said a word about it.

 

it is just our youngest who immediately piped up with the "I get to pick my bedroom first" thing.

 

 

We have moved a lot and it has never occurred to me to let the kids pick their own rooms. Dh and I decide who goes where based on a variety of factors. The kids have never complained or even asked to choose a room. It was that way for me growing up, too. I guess it is odd to me that the kids, who are not paying the bills, get the choice.

 

[Cera]

Do the other two even care?  It might be a nonissue.

[Chris in VA]

I've never heard of oldest picking first on anything, AND I've never let kids pick their own bedrooms! LOL

 

But I have the same family kid set up as my FOO--2 boys close in age, one girl later; my brothers shared a room, and so did my sons. They got the biggest room (except the master). No brainer in my house.

 

I don't like the idea of "kid goes to college, younger sib gets the room." We don't consider college kids as moved out--they still come home for breaks and such, so they keep their room. They officially move out when they move into an apt or whatever after college or leave the state. But again, our situation is such that we have plenty of rooms. When dh lived with his 6 sibs, he lost his room the day he left for college, and thereafter, on breaks and such, slept on the living room couch. I hate that. (He never really moved back home after college at all, though--spent a year on his own then we got married.)

 

[Katy]

The only time ours fought about that sort of thing I was the deciding factor - I wanted the loud noise from one child further away from the master.

 

Another time there was one room that was basically a second master, and that became the guest room.  We also tend to put the child who likes to sneak out in a room where it is more difficult to do so.

[bettyandbob]

 

 

I don't like the idea of "kid goes to college, younger sib gets the room." We don't consider college kids as moved out--they still come home for breaks and such, so they keep their room. They officially move out when they move into an apt or whatever after college or leave the state. But again, our situation is such that we have plenty of rooms. When dh lived with his 6 sibs, he lost his room the day he left for college, and thereafter, on breaks and such, slept on the living room couch. I hate that. (He never really moved back home after college at all, though--spent a year on his own then we got married.)

 

I don't think the college kid should lose their room. I think college kid should move to the less desirable room. College kid will still have a room, but the more desirable room can be used, rather than sitting empty. I would not advocate college kid sleeping on couch.

 

[Truscifi]

Parents decide here. We would take the preferences of all the kids (only 2 here) into account before deciding, but until they buy the house they don't get the final say.  If the youngest was piping up with the "I pick first" line, I would probably tell him that too. I would say it with a smile on my face and a laugh in my voice, but firmly all the same.

[solascriptura]

I would decide by taking in all factors. The kids would get some input, but DH and I would make the final call.

[clarkacademy]

They get the rooms I say they get !!

[Laura Corin]

Based on need.  When we moved in here, Hobbes got the (larger) room with lots of cupboards because he still had toys to store.  We told the boys that this was the assignment.

 

L

[Jenny in Florida]

We moved three months before my daughter was due to go to college. We gave our son first pick of rooms in the new house, because we knew he would be spending more time in his room than our daughter would in hers.

[Laurie4b]

We, the parents decided on rooms based on need. The oldest two did get the larger bedroom because they were bigger people! Now that they are all big people, we have kept it like it is.

 

From your scenario, your youngest doesn't have a history of "getting the dregs." In fact, he was the first one to get his own room. Kids often have a "grass is greener" mentality. For instance, younger kids may think that the oldest had all the privileges but not notice or remember that oldest may also have had more than their share of the hardships (parenting is more likely to ease up as more kids come along. The oldest often has to be the bow of the boat and take the hits as parents learn to parent.) It's also true in many families that with age comes more responsibilities. Youngest kids often get what they want at a higher rate than the older ones did.

 

So if it were me, I would consider youngest's bid for first pick as something to be figured out. It may just be plain old selfishness. It may be a bid for power. It may be symptomatic of being given the "dregs" . But I would do some digging/thinking about what his motivation is and whether getting the room would be good for him or not. If the older two don't care, I would surely arrange that they gave him the room, so that there was a feeling of mutuality rather than a "win."  I don't know if I expressed that well.

[Lieutenant Stranger]

We take turns. As the younger sister, I didn't ever get to pick first, and I thought it was ridiculous! 

 

My oldest had first pick at our last place (we rented and moved for a couple years) and picked a gigantic bedroom with bathroom. The youngest got to pick first this time and picked the room that gets a lot less son (and therefore, is cooler year round). 

[Aura]

I have six kids. It depends on the situation who gets to pick first.

 

In the case of bedrooms, NONE of the kids got to pick! The rooms were assigned based on who would be sharing rooms together and what the needs, etc of the occupants. If there was only a couple of kids or if it didn't really matter as to needs who got what, then I would let the oldest pick first, because (theoretically) the oldest will be gone first! So, then the room opens up and the next in line gets a choice.

 

In other cases, the oldest might get to pick first because with age comes responsibility, but with extra responsibilities come extra perks (and occasionally getting first choice is one of those).

 

Other times, I let the youngest go first, usually, this is to avoid possible complications. For instance, the youngest may get to pick the movie because I know the older ones won't pick one appropriate or one that will actually keep his attention.

 

Other times, I make them work it out, or I take the privilege away. This might apply to bedrooms. If it causes an argument, I make the decision or they don't get whatever at all.

 

Other times (particularly wrt breakfast foods!), it's first-come, first-served.

 

So, really, there is no hard-and-fast rule in our house. Regardless, I don't tolerate complaining about who gets what. With six kids, even though I try to keep it as fair and reasonable as possible, I just can't please everyone all the time.

[Paige]

We always decide who goes where based on everyone's unique needs. If we, as parents, thought that the rooms would be equally appropriate for any of them, we'd probably see if they could work it out for themselves. If they couldn't agree, then we'd most likely draw straws or something similarly random and fair. In every home we've had, there have been reasons why I wanted each child in a certain room.

[catz]

Parents would be picking for our own reasons.  I would consider if you need someone closer or further from you, who makes the most noises, etc etc etc.  I try to never set up oldest/youngest battles here.  Youngest will be there the longest, but can also move room when olders leave (my brother got my basement bedroom when I went to college), so that wouldn't be a motivating factor for me for letting him pick first.  If you have no good reasons, we'd be drawing from a hat.  If you think it may cause long term battles, I'd consider rotating every year.   

[fairfarmhand]

I should clarify.  Oldest didn't get to "pick" his current room.

 

ALL 3 boys shared that room for quite some time.  Well, 2 did and then we got a 3rd and he shared too.

 

Youngest had a HORRIBLE snoring problem, even after getting his tonsils and adenoids removed, so we cleaned out the playroom for him to use as his own room.

 

A few years later, after the older two were both teens, we offered to turn the guest room into a room for one of the.  The middle wanted it and the oldest didn't want to have to move, so middle got it.

 

However, for some reason,  youngest keeps talking about this!

 

Apparently to him it is a big deal. I'd at least listen to his points, promise that you will take it into consideration and empathize with his "always going last." I also am a mom who tries to mix it up as to who gets to choose and go first. Even ridiculous things like who gets a friend over (we take turns for that !) who gets to pick the movie, who gets to pray at dinner, we try to mix up. Draw straws if you have to, but your little guy's telling you that this is important to him.

[Liz CA]

10 page essay in MLA format regarding : "Why this room should be mine."

You can get a lot of work out of him right now. Use this time wisely.

 

:lol:

[TechWife]

I think this is the parent's choice. It's not a decision for a 10 year old or any other child who is not footing the bill to make. Be sure to make the room assignments on what works best for your entire family, not just one person.

[texasmama]

Haven't read other responses.

 

I would use this as an exercise in problem-solving and sit down with the kids who were involved (or the whole family) and talk this out together.  Sounds like one of those "life skill" opportunities.  :D

 

Otherwise, I would draw a name out of a hat or such.

[Butter]

When we moved here last year I told the kids who went in which room.  They didn't have a choice in the matter.

[Excelsior! Academy]

In your situation I would let the 16 year old choose.  A 10 year old's room preference over a 16 year old's? Sorry, no.  The 16 year old will likely only be in the room another couple of years then the other two can fight it out.  I agree about a college aged child still having a room, but there is no hard and fast rule that says it *has* to be the same room.  :)

[foxbridgeacademy]

My youngest always gets the bigger room (only 2 year difference) because she just has more "stuff".  Your son has expressed a need to be closer to the bathroom, there might be a good reason for that?  I would talk to him to find out the reasons, then probably let him have it.   

 

ETA: Just looked at the ages of your children and have changed my mind, unless the 10 year old has some need (like trouble making it to the bathroom?) I'd let the 16 y.o. have it.  

[Myeightkiddies]

We decide based on what is logical.  I do take some "wants" into consideration, such as my two youngest daughters wanted to share a room while the older ones did not.  Find something else for him to choose - such as paint color, bedding set, etc.

[Veritaserum]

I've always assigned the rooms. I look at the available space and consider what would be the best arrangement for everyone on the whole. I'm the third child of six. I don't think it's fair for any birth order to always get first pick for anything. I mix things up if I have an assortment of trinkets to pass out, slices of cake, or whatever. Most frequently I simply assign things based on what I think works best for each child as a whole.

 

We moved seven months ago. The oldest child and the youngest child have their own rooms because the oldest is a horrible roommate (messiest child, weird sleep habits) and the youngest child needs an absolutely quiet room with no distractions. The four other children share (2 per room). Two of the four want their own rooms (those two share with each other), but we are out of space upstairs and I don't want any of them to move to the basement. I am thinking of dividing their room with a curtain.

[Sisyphus]

We move very often, and like others, have never considered letting the kids pick. Oldest has a queen bed so his room is bigger to fit it, but he also has to vacate his room when guests come because we put them there. They have shared a room in the past when we needed an office or school room and only had 3 bedrooms, they have shared when we had only 2 bedrooms, youngest had the big room for a while since it doubled as a playroom...it always changes. We decide though, when they pay rent they can!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Does he have difficulty getting to the bathroom on time?  Is the room closest to the bathroom any different from the other rooms?  If it isn't any different, then why not let him have it?  

 

(He may discover that the room closest to the bathroom is actually noisiest. . . )

[gardenmom5]

all things being equal, sure. BUT, the needs of a particular child and the offerings of a particular bedroom and meeting needs come first.  (e.g. someone who needs quiet more than the rest - get's the quietest bedroom.)

[ChristusG]

I'd be the one to assign rooms based on practicality.

[Word Nerd]

My parents have been in the same farmhouse since I was 5 or 6. I don't remember getting to pick which room I wanted and am pretty sure Mom decided that. I take the kids' opinions into consideration, but DH and I have the final say on who goes where when we move.

[Starr]

We don't think our older children get to make all the decisions but often it's the case. Conversations move quickly, decisions get made and the younger ones are off doing their own thing. Most of our family are first borns and we have to remind ourselves to take a look at how our youngest views the world. All things equal, let him have the room.

[ocelotmom]

When I was a kid and we moved, I got the first pick because I was older, with the understanding that my brother could have it when I moved out (which he ended up choosing not to do). Not really fair in retrospect, because I was in the room for 10 years, with my brother only getting it for 2 years after I moved out. Switching off would have been more fair. 

 

But that was a situation of all other things being equal. There was no logistical reason for one of us to have one room over the other.

 

We assigned rooms with our kids now. DS is the oldest, but he's getting stuck with the smallest room. It makes much more sense for the three girls to share the larger room than to try to jam them into the smaller one so that DS can have his preference. And DS was fine with it once we explained it that way.

[Danestress]

I would listen to his preferences but have final say. If you think his desires are not the best plan, you will probably have good reasons to give him. I tend to think there are often good logical reasons to assign rooms. If your oldest is likely to stay up later, you may want his room to be off where he won't disturb others, for example. If you have a light sleeper, that may be a factor. I would assure him that is desires will have great weight for me, but I would not guarantee that they will carry the day.