Jump to content

Menu

I need some talking down from people who might understand


Recommended Posts

Why would an 11 yo dd use half of a bottle of dish soap to wash a water bottle? I am not exaggerating. It was a new bottle. This is my life and how things are used in my house by one person, and we have a lowish income and we have what we need but I have to be careful about everything. It's a little thing but right now, it's overwhelming me because it represents everything like this, shampoo, conditioner, body wash, face wash soap. Just dumped out without thinking.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

I keep thinking that common sense is just there at some point, KWIM?  And I keep having to remind myself that it doesn't just necessarily come.  What seems so obvious to me is not necessarily obvious to anybody else in my family (including DH).  It gets frustrating.  So I have to step back, think about the situation if "common sense" were not in the picture and figure out how to put it in the picture.  

 

For instance, I understood how the kids weren't entirely comfortable with the washing machine.  It isn't that intuitive to use.  They had to have some instruction.  But I thought after a couple of walkthroughs they could read the buttons and do it on their own.  Same with the dryer and the dishwasher.  They fought me on doing their chores all the time.  I had to step back and realize they were struggling with the sequencing and felt intimidated.  I started our apprenticeship program so they knew there were no expectations of getting it right the first time, I modeled what I was doing with them watching and I verbalized what I was doing as I did it, then I did it with them while I verbalized what they were doing, then I supported them while they did it on their own, then finally they were doing everything independently.  It took a couple of weeks or so with laundry and a little over a week with the dishes for them to really be comfortable but now they never argue when it is time to do those chores.  

 

Maybe you could have a training program for soap use?  Get a measuring cup and measuring spoons.  Show how much is normally needed for various sized of washing needs and what it looks like when she is just pouring it out.  Work alongside her to help her practice.  I know that sounds silly but I have had to have training programs with DH, too, for things I thought just seemed obvious.  :)  And for what it's worth, I remember quite clearly the weekend my parents came to visit when DD was little.  Dad was "helping" me wash the dishes in our sink (no working dishwasher).  He poured half the Dawn onto the dishes and it took FOREVER and about a zillion gallons of water to wash off all the soap.   :glare:  :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've switched over completely to pump bottles for anything the kids use.

 

I went to the dollar store and bought several pump bottles of cheap shampoo.  Once I used up what was in them I started refilling them.  One is filled with dish soap, one is filled with the kid's shampoo, and one is filled with the kids' body wash (so they aren't juggling a slippery bar of soap and leaving it to melt into a puddle of goo).

 

When they want to play in the kitchen sink they are allowed one pump of dish soap.  When they want to bathe themselves they are allowed one pump of body wash on a washcloth.  For now I always wash their hair, but as I pump I remind them that one pump of shampoo is plenty so they will know the rule when they are ready to do it on their own.

 

I've actually found having the dish soap in a pump bottle to be very convenient.  When my hands are dirty it is much easier to pump the bottle with my forearm rather than having to pick up and tip the bottle.

 

Wendy

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh I feel your pain!

 

Ds9 is much the same. For him I think it is a bit of an attention and force grading issue. What finally helped here was using those foam soap dispensers for him to use for body wash and dish soap. I also put his shampoo into a a pump bottle. They all have a label that says only two squirts - can't leave anything for granted!! He actually used shampoo from the regular bottle the other night and used the correct amount. I think having seen the correct amount to use repeatedly has made it some what more automatic, but I am not giving up his pump bottles anytime too soon.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

(((hugs)))

 

I don't know. But you reminded me of the time when a new bottle of aqua dish soap somehow got all over our carpet. That clean up took gallons of water before the carpet looked clean and the bubbling went on for nearly forever.  Now I keep only a small amount of dish soap in a pump container by the kitchen sink, and the fuller bottles are kept hidden in a childproof cabinet.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know the feeling, too.  My dd almost 13 will only use Johnson and Johnson's liquid  baby soap to shower and it is expensive and goes fast.  She is still terrified of getting soap in her eyes. But she is at the age where daily showers and a lot of deodorant have become a definite must, especially on days she has to leave the house,  so I have let it go for now. She was getting a real complex about siblings telling her how bad she smelled! She knows the difference between generic and the pricey stuff. I will deal with it later on when other battles take the place of this one. I know this is different than just being wasteful but it is sometimes hard to teach that to kids like mine (ours?).

 

 

Also, my kids know the difference between generic parmesan  cheese and Kraft, even when I filled a Kraft container with Target or some similar brand!! 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've switched over completely to pump bottles for anything the kids use.

 

I went to the dollar store and bought several pump bottles of cheap shampoo.  Once I used up what was in them I started refilling them.  One is filled with dish soap, one is filled with the kid's shampoo, and one is filled with the kids' body wash (so they aren't juggling a slippery bar of soap and leaving it to melt into a puddle of goo).

 

When they want to play in the kitchen sink they are allowed one pump of dish soap.  When they want to bathe themselves they are allowed one pump of body wash on a washcloth.  For now I always wash their hair, but as I pump I remind them that one pump of shampoo is plenty so they will know the rule when they are ready to do it on their own.

 

I've actually found having the dish soap in a pump bottle to be very convenient.  When my hands are dirty it is much easier to pump the bottle with my forearm rather than having to pick up and tip the bottle.

 

Wendy

 

She removes the pumps from all the bottles. I think it's because she gets frustrated if it doesn't come out quickly enough.

 

I also got re-fillable bottles with very narrow holes, also to prevent major spills and the flip tops wound up broken off.

 

:(

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh I feel your pain!

 

Ds9 is much the same. For him I think it is a bit of an attention and force grading issue. What finally helped here was using those foam soap dispensers for him to use for body wash and dish soap. I also put his shampoo into a a pump bottle. They all have a label that says only two squirts - can't leave anything for granted!! He actually used shampoo from the regular bottle the other night and used the correct amount. I think having seen the correct amount to use repeatedly has made it some what more automatic, but I am not giving up his pump bottles anytime too soon.

 

I like the label idea.

 

I also wonder if I should tape the pumps on with duct tape.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She removes the pumps from all the bottles. I think it's because she gets frustrated if it doesn't come out quickly enough.

 

I also got re-fillable bottles with very narrow holes, also to prevent major spills and the flip tops wound up broken off.

 

:(

:grouphug:

 

Maybe charge for overuse, the amount used over one teaspoon, also charge the price of a whole bottle for broken parts. Give a tiny amount of money if they don't have some already and charge for overuse, or $ worked back in chores.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She removes the pumps from all the bottles. I think it's because she gets frustrated if it doesn't come out quickly enough.

 

I also got re-fillable bottles with very narrow holes, also to prevent major spills and the flip tops wound up broken off.

 

:(

Oh my, she is pretty hardcore about this, eh? Yikes!

 

Does she generally have trouble with judging how much force to use with other tasks, eg. Pouring juice, cracking eggs, writing too hard etc? I guess i am just wondering if some ultra repetitive practice sessions would help her if this trouble is indeed related to force grading. I just got an idea from One Step's measuring class suggestion, that I think I will try with ds. I am going to have ds take the regular bottle of shampoo and practice filling up his clear pump dispenser with one small squeeze at a time. I will probably do the first couple with him hand over hand with till he has a better idea (of course I am sure at 11 that wouldn't go over well for your dd!). I let you know if that helps us out any.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've had to explain, repeatedly, that "more does not equal cleaner or faster." And by repeatedly, I mean daily since oldest was three. I've also explained why I use pumps to both kids -- because that is the absolute PERFECT amount of soap to use. More would be too much, which would be wasteful and take longer to wash off. Less would be too little. Telling them why too much soap is a problem seems to slowly be sinking in. 

 

For a funny aside, my kids have trouble with toilet paper... using much, much, too much paper, which results in clogs. Well, I taught them to use the plunger, thinking that it would alleviate some unfortunate surprises. Such a foolish, foolish woman I am! They now invariably use the bowl swisher (even though I've taken to hiding the swisher) to try and plunge the toilet, resulting in the swisher being covered in...  :ack2:  

 

We do our best. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

(((hugs)))

 

I don't know. But you reminded me of the time when a new bottle of aqua dish soap somehow got all over our carpet. That clean up took gallons of water before the carpet looked clean and the bubbling went on for nearly forever.  Now I keep only a small amount of dish soap in a pump container by the kitchen sink, and the fuller bottles are kept hidden in a childproof cabinet.

 

This sounds remarkably like a Curious George episode/book. :-)

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

:grouphug:

 

Maybe charge for overuse, the amount used over one teaspoon, also charge the price of a whole bottle for broken parts. Give a tiny amount of money if they don't have some already and charge for overuse, or $ worked back in chores.

 

If this sounds like a step too far, maybe you could buy her a pump bottle and a bottle of dishsoap. Calculate about how long it will last. If you think it should last one month, tell her it should last three weeks (gives her a margin of error). If she breaks the pump bottle or runs out of dish soap, she has to pony up the new one and more dish soap (doing more chores to earn the money if necessary). That starts her out on a positive note, but makes the problem hers (at 11, this should be her problem). My kiddo doesn't have the best self-awareness, but he generally responds to some accountability IF he feels like he's been trained well enough to handle it. Another benefit is that you don't have to monitor this situation as closely once she's trained--either she has a working bottle and soap, or she doesn't.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That's my family too. Half a bottle of shampoo to make bath bubbles. Half a bottle of cleaning fluid to clean the toilet .And all that stuff is expensive, especially if you want the 'ethical' brands.

 

My strategies so far:

Look for the positive. Isn't it great that the kid is washing the bottle? Isn't it good that she can wash her hair?

Remind, again and again. Discuss how if we waste $20 every week we can't buy something else the kid likes.

Dilute stuff. I mix water into the liquid soap and it still works just fine. (I'm actually a compulsive diluter. My family hates me because I sometimes dilute the milk, which is noticeable.)

Decant things into smaller bottles. People always pour more from a larger container.

Train the kids to maximize use of stuff. Instead of using all that detergent to wash one bottle, fill the sink and soak the baking pans once the bottle is washed. If the bath water isn't really dirty, do like the olden days and let the next kid reuse the water. (Or bath the dog.)

Train your child on better techniques for using things. Maybe she doesn't actually know how to clean herself or her bottle with a smaller amount of product.

 

Another strategy which I am planning but haven't done yet:

I want to do bulk batches of homemade products. I'm pretty sure that shampoo, body wash and detergent are all more or less that same thing with different scents and different marketing. So I'm thinking of experimenting with some kind of generic wash-liquid mixture that we could make up by the bucketful and use for everything. 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

For us the issue was entirely sensory. Soap, conditioners, and creams have a similar feel that my DD enjoyed.

 

Have you tried giving your DD her own (cheap) hand lotion to use after washing the dishes? I know it sounds backwards to give this to her, but the sensation is rewarding, so you may as well use it as a reward. Mine is allowed 1 squirt of lotion only if she uses the appropriate amount of soap on the dishes. Same for washing her hands. Anytime the lotion was used inappripriately it was placed on a high shelf for a week and we went back to 3yo style soap supervision. It solved the problem here, and she is now capable of using both in moderation.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As it seems to just be with soaps?

Perhaps she is a victim of soap advertising, which shows every surface teaming with bacteria?

So that she actually thinks that a lot of soap is needed?

 

The fact that she removes pumps from bottles, indications that it is volitional.

That it isn't done without thinking.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

{{hugs}}

 

I'm with you here, but currently am in a keep-positive phase (I blew my quota for negative thoughts). Hugs, and hoping your DD stops with the over use of soaps.

 

Over here, DS finishes a new shampoo bottle in days. I find out when I kiss his head, oi! I'm betting he'll develop better shampoo monitoring habits eventually when he has to impress girls. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As it seems to just be with soaps?

Perhaps she is a victim of soap advertising, which shows every surface teaming with bacteria?

So that she actually thinks that a lot of soap is needed?

 

The fact that she removes pumps from bottles, indications that it is volitional.

That it isn't done without thinking.

 

I have to think about this. 

 

I think it's definitely partly true, although it's not just soaps. As a PP asked about, she does spill drinks all the time. And eye make up remover. Basically, anything that can spill, gets spilled. Part of it could be clumsiness and impulsivity, as in, she needs to get this done and her brain is already somewhere else.. She's not careful and there's not a conscious awareness of needing to be careful. She will pull all clothes out of drawers, pull all laundry out of the dryer. So, yes, I think I have to teach more deliberately.

 

At the same time, she has a friend with whom she's become close to this year. The mother is very diligent about personal hygiene. Dd didn't take a daily shower before. Honestly, she didn't need it. But I have heard this mom tell her daughter to take a shower a lot. For example, I will be on the phone about something, and the mom will say, "Take your shower now!" and "Make sure you put on your deodorant!" I  have wondered if dd got it into her head that it is something people must do, as in "people must shower everyday" and "people must put on deodorant" or something is wrong with them. And I think she worries about fitting in and knowing how to fit it. Dd is very rule oriented so I wonder if she's internalized her friend's family's rules about hygiene. She's also really focused on grooming.

 
At home we are more likely to do things when necessary. So young kids get dirty, they get bathed. Kids become teens and start to smell and get dirty hair so they naturally need to bathe more. This may not be a good system for everyone. 
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

At home we are more likely to do things when necessary. So young kids get dirty, they get bathed. Kids become teens and start to smell and get dirty hair so they naturally need to bathe more. This may not be a good system for everyone. 

 

 

That's our System too. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah, we don't bathe the kids everyday (except sometimes in the summer when they are outside in the dirt). I remember not being sure how much to bathe at her age, but my parents just started changing the guidelines to every other day or whatever was appropriate at the time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...