Do kids with autism commonly have a problem with swearing?

[AMJ]

This is very much a serious question, please, and not meant to foster any negative images. Can anyone tell me if a problem with swearing is a usual problem with autism?

 

I play an online game, in which players can choose to join a guild. The guild I belong to happens to be a very good guild for families, in that we have parents and kids all belonging, with kids as young as age 7.

 

As a result we are very supportive of our new players, and we don't allow foul language or bullying remarks. Everything is all to be good fun only.

 

Recently two more kids joined, children of two of our existing guild members. One of these is a 10-year-old boy who apparently has autism. He promised right at the start not to swear in the guild chat, but has already done so, and has appeared to even steer the conversation to a point where he had a reason to express disappointment. When he was reminded to keep his language clean he again gave the excuse of being 10 and having autism.

 

I don't know any people with autism personally, and know little about it at all. Can anyone please enlighten me a bit, and advise me on what to expect and how to handle things with this boy? We want to be supportive and encouraging, but we must keep the guild chat clean for the other kids.

 

Thanks!

[mrbmom77]

I have a 16yo autistic boy and I've never heard this. My son has never said a cuss word in his life. Maybe I'm wrong, but I call bull. 

 

[swellmomma]

They can.  It is not an across the board thing obviously and can certainly be taught not to though it takes time.  What I have found with those on the spectrum is the lack of filter.  Kids in general lack a filter but you add on a child with a spectrum issue and it is even more so.  Now if the child has been exposed to foul language (and no it is not just from home, my kids learned a ton of swears in K and grade 1 at public school, at the playground, heck playing in their own backyard due to teenagers next door before they ever realized I knew swear words) AND it has become a habit to use those words due to the lack of filter then yes they will be an issue and can be tied to being a 10 yr old with autism. I went from never ever swearing to doing so far too often strictly out of habit due to the people I was surrounded with.  It is a hard habit to break for a neurotypical adult, I can imagine it would be even more so for an autistic 10 yr old.  SO the swearing in and of itself is not a symptom of the autism, rather it is a poor habit that is extremely challenging to correct for this child due to his autism.  IMO, of course there is always the chance it is simply a rude child who has been allowed to use a Dx of autism as an excuse for bad behaviour rather than as an explanation kwim

[kbutton]

Some kids may be verbally impulsive since impulsivity can be part of having weak executive functioning, but it's not terribly accurate to say that he swears because he has autism. He might not have a lot of respect for social conventions (some personality types are this way too). You don't need to change your standards to accommodate swearing, IMO. If he doesn't feel a social need to control his swearing, getting banned from the board might be the only way to deal with it. If he's verbally impulsive, you might want to ask his parents their suggestions, but make it clear that it's not acceptable at all (they might be quite relieved to have some reinforcement). They may not know he is using autism as an excuse. He may have heard his parents advocate for him based on his autism and has concluded that it excuses him from something even if they weren't excusing him when he heard them discuss his autism. Just like with neurotypical kids, you don't how parents will handle bad news, but approaching things from a "we thought you might like to know this" POV can sometimes help. :-) Are his parents online at the same time and just ignoring this? I've not played these types of games to know exactly how that works.

 

On a side note, you might approach him in some way about stearing the conversation toward ways of expressing his disappointment that don't lead to swearing (not sure what your online capabilities are to message him vs. saying something in a group or how that would be viewed). Or, discuss whether or not he should be stearing conversations this way online vs. discussing his disappointment offline with his parents or another person who can help him work through his frustrations. If it's done in an encouraging way with positive, practical suggestions, I would hope his parents would be relieved to have you and other group members help him in this area. I know that I would (I have an Aspie about the same age).

 

I know that our son can feel like he's going to explode if he can't get a thought out precisely when he wants to. OTOH, he's less likely to reign himself in to avoid doing something foolish, but more likely to feel really bad (or even really stuck) after doing something he shouldn't. It's not an easy thing sometimes!

[Barb_]

Not in my experience. This sounds like an individual problem.

 

ETA: He may have overheard a parent or other adult attribute his behavior to autism and has decided it gives him a pass. I wouldn't think that a 10yo child with autism would be self-aware enough to come up with something like that in his own.

[EndOfOrdinary]

I would wonder if this has more to do with not understanding social situations well.  Ten is an age when many boys start posturing.  Swearing can be part of that.  I do not know if it is directly a symptom of autism or more just an indirect result.

[MyHandsAreFull]

My DS11 has high functioning autism and I would not accept this behavior from him. He does have issues with poor impulse control (and has intermittently had issues with swearing and name calling) . We will probably never get the behavior we want (not completely) but I definitely will continue to let him know what is and is not acceptable. Anything less is a disservice to the child.

 

I would absolutely try to find a nice way to discuss this with the parents. I may have lesser punishments for my son similar to the way a two year old has a shorter time out than a five year old but I absolutely would not give a child carte blanche to behave how he wishes simply because he has an ASD diagnosis.

[OneStepAtATime]

In my DDs drama club (all homeschooled middle and high schoolers) there is one boy with autism and his younger brother, who comes but does not participate.  I have never heard either one swear, ever.  However, as swellmomma pointed out (and probably others but I only had time to skim), children with autism have weak social filters.  But definitely that does not mean that you have to lower your standards on proper conduct.  Is there a way to contact the parents to explain the situation? 

[Ivey]

Neither of my two boys with ASD have had a problem with swearing, and I haven't heard any parents complain or ask for advice about autistic kids and swearing. 

 

Ds16 is a stickler for rules, which helps. Just to make things easier, when Ds15 and Ds16 started to try out swearing around age 10 or 11, Dh made the rule that they are not allowed to swear around children (defined as anyone younger than Ds15), women, older men (older than Dh), or any type of authority figure (doctors, police officers, teachers, tutors, etc). Because this essentially limits the times Ds16 can swear to when he's hanging out with his male friends and teenage brothers, he's never gotten into a habit of swearing.

 

My advice would be to enforce the rules of the chat exactly as they are applied to every other member. If these are unwritten or vague rules, it might be helpful to write them out and distribute to all the members of the guild. Letting him get away with swearing the first few times will likely make it harder to enforce the rules later on. I've gotten "but you didn't mind the last time I did x" from Ds16 way too many times. 

[AMJ]

Thanks, everyone. Before I could even decide on what, if anything, to say in the guild chat the boy's mother found out and promptly squashed his behavior. She's watching the guild chat very closely now, and the boy is toeing the line quite religiously.

 

Thanks for your input. Ignorance tends to lead to misunderstandings, which I really wanted to avoid. Happily the situation resolved itself quite quickly, and in a way that we in the guild can continue to be a supportive element for this boy instead of further fun police.

[kbutton]

That's awesome!

[OneStepAtATime]

Terrific!  What a relief! 

[Elisabet1]

Could be. My oldest with ASD keeps swearing, it bothers me. But my 12 yr old with ASD does not swear. I am not sure if it is an ASD problem or not. But my oldest is in college. I am editing to add that now that he is home for the summer, it took just a few reminders that he is at home for him to stop.

[Elisabet1]

However, for this boy, I think banning would be appropriate. It sounds to me like he is using the ASD as an excuse. Whenever a child starts in with the not-my-fault-I-have-XYZ, it is usually just a choice they are making to do it. I would tell him one more time and he is banned. And his parents can deal with it. His parents probably use the ASD as an excuse, and get mad at you, so be prepared. But he still should be banned.