Ask the parent of an only child

[elegantlion]

Why not? I'm lying around not feeling well and this is one of the "ask a" I've not seen addressed. I hope others with an only child will chime in because we all get to this point by different paths. 

[mom2bee]

Did you ever only intend to have one kid?

 

[Catwoman]

I'm another parent of an only child, so I'll keep an eye on this thread! :hurray:

[Catwoman]

Did you ever only intend to have one kid?

I can't speak for anyone else , but yes, I did. :)

[elegantlion]

Did you ever only intend to have one kid?

 

 

In a way, yes. We weren't really trying or preventing for any, kwim. However, I had pregnancy complications caused by a previous surgery and my doctor suggested being pregnant again would not be a good idea. We agreed and took precautions to prevent another pregnancy. We've never regretted the decision. 

[mom2bee]

Were you an only child?

 

Was your DH an only child?

 

Do you ever wish you had had another child? (Or wish that you could?)

 

Does your child like being an only child?

 

 

 

[elegantlion]

Were you an only child?

 

Was your DH an only child?

 

Do you ever wish you had had another child? (Or wish that you could?)

 

Does your child like being an only child?

I have one older sister, we never really get along. Today we have a polite relationship but we were never truly close. 

 

Dh is the middle child of 5. 

 

I've never wished for another. We considered adoption for a few years, but came to the conclusion we were happy with our family as it was. We were, we are. 

 

Ds has never asked about siblings. He's very close to my parents and frankly, even though dh and I were older parents, we've both been very hands on, being the playmate, being goofy. We've discussed it in depth as he's gotten older and I do think he likes it. 

[quark]

Were you an only child?

No.

 

Was your DH an only child?

No.

 

Do you ever wish you had had another child? (Or wish that you could?)

I've wished it before when DS was younger but am now comfortable with the way things are.

 

Does your child like being an only child?

I've asked him this question often and he hasn't complained about being an only, or asked for siblings. Honestly though I don't know how an only child can answer this question accurately not having known anything else. :001_smile:

 

[TechWife]

Did you ever only intend to have one kid?

 

No. I was thinking four. 

[TechWife]

Were you an only child?

 

Was your DH an only child?

 

Do you ever wish you had had another child? (Or wish that you could?)

 

Does your child like being an only child?

 

No - I am one of five, having two brothers and two sisters. 

 

No - DH is one of four, having two brothers and one sister. 

 

Sometimes, but not for several years.

 

I have no idea. It's never occurred to me to ask.

[mom2bee]

Do you ever get bored with just one kid*?

 

Do you feel like your kid leads a higher quality of life because they are an only? (ie, all your money and time goes to them and their interests)

 

What if you change your mind when your only is grown but its too late for pregnancy for you?

 

*That might sound strange (or just really stupid, IDK), but I'm the 3rd child in my large family. It gets boring/lonesome when there is only 1 or 2 people around. I sleep best with other people, I just feel better/calmer knowing that sibling A, B, C, D and K are options. Having a quick game is an option, talking to them is an option, inviting them--spur of the moment--to do something minor or major with me is an option.

 

 

[Ameena]

Did you ever only intend to have one kid?

 

No - I wanted {and still want, honestly} a whole houseful. But when dd was 13mo old I was put on medication with a high rate of fatal / near fatal severe birth defects. I still want at least 1 more child, but with my health the way it is I am not sure it will ever happen.

 

Were you an only child?

 

Was your DH an only child?

 

Do you ever wish you had had another child? (Or wish that you could?)

 

Does your child like being an only child?

I was sort of an only child - I am younger by 15+ years than the rest of my half-siblings. They were all out of the home by the time I came along, so for most things I was an only.

 

I don't have a DH - I am a Single Mom by Choice.

 

Yes, all the time. I've spoken with my Dr several times about it in fact. I really want a boy to carry on a family name that has been passed down every other generation for over 200 years and will die out with this generation it seems.

 

No, my dd wants a sibling - preferably a little sister she says.

[Alice]

I've asked him this question often and he hasn't complained about being an only, or asked for siblings. Honestly though I don't know how an only child can answer this question accurately not having known anything else.

 

I'm an only child and I got asked a lot as a kid if I wished I had siblings. I never did, although I think it's true that you don't really have anything to compare it to. I never really remembering feeling lonely. I did kind of wish for a bigger extended family as I was also an only grandchild on one side and didn't have cousins on the other side until I was a teenager. 

 

I'm not the parent of an only child so I'm sort of derailing this thread, but I didn't choose to have more than one kid because being an only child was a bad experience for me. It was more that I personally wanted more than one rather than that I felt like my kids "needed" siblings. 

[Dmmetler]

If your kid doesn't fight with a sibling...does he fight with a pet? 

 

:laugh:

 

Actually, yes-my DD has had distinct sibling behavior at times with the cats, especially when they'd mess up her stuff. She's gotten better at it as she's gotten older and learns more about animal behavior.

 

 

DD isn't an only by choice, but after losing a baby at 22 weeks and nearly dying, multiple m/cs, and a super-high risk pregnancy with her putting me in and out of the hospital, I expect she'll be one. DH was the 2nd of 4, and I was the oldest of 2, so neither of us planned to have an only child, and DH, especially, worries that DD is missing something quite frequently.

 

DD is an introvert, as am I, and I sometimes wonder if she'd have a higher tolerance for other people if she had siblings. She doesn't seem to miss not having siblings, and if anything, she gets tired when she's around even one other friend for prolonged periods of time. If that friend has siblings, it's even more minimized (she has a friend who keeps asking DD over for a sleepover, and I keep finding excuses because DD simply doesn't want to spend the night with that friend AND her older sister (who is a touchy-feely sort of kid who seems to think DD is a living doll) and friend's little brother who gets into everything. She can handle a couple of hours at their house, and that's it. Having said that, she does have a plan in place to decorate a bedroom with a reptile and amphibian theme should we ever have another baby.

 

I do think DD gets benefits from being an only-that is, she can do cheer and tumbling and dance classes as extracurriculars, while most of her friends may have one sibling doing karate,one in dance, and one in t-ball or soccer. She also never gets the "well, your sister did X, so we already have the stuff, therefore you're going to try it that some of her friends get". Most of her hand-me-downs come from a year older friend who is also an only child.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Ameena]

Do you ever get bored with just one kid*?

 

Do you feel like your kid leads a higher quality of life because they are an only? (ie, all your money and time goes to them and their interests)

 

What if you change your mind when your only is grown but its too late for pregnancy for you?

 

*That might sound strange (or just really stupid, IDK), but I'm the 3rd child in my large family. It gets boring/lonesome when there is only 1 or 2 people around. I sleep best with other people, I just feel better/calmer knowing that sibling A, B, C, D and K are options. Having a quick game is an option, talking to them is an option, inviting them--spur of the moment--to do something minor or major with me is an option.

 

Not boring per say, but dull at times.

 

No, because I am juggling tight finances & running my own business.

 

As I said before - I want another. Not sure if/when it will happen, but I want another.

 

If your kid doesn't fight with a sibling...does he fight with a pet? 

 

:laugh:

 

No, she fights with me lol. Or the neighbor's granddaughters :)

[Kerileanne99]

I have an only. She is only 4, and we would love to have another, but it is looking pretty much impossible for health/genetic issues.

 

I grew up in a house with 4 kids-2 step siblings and a 1/2 sister. I never really considered the step-siblings to be MY siblings despite living in the same house for 12 years, and my 1/2 sister is almost 7 years younger. I considered her more of my own daughter than a sibling, lol, especially considering I had graduated and was emancipated by age 15.

Hubby has one brother.

 

I DO think that there are a lot more resources to offer my dd in terms of money, opportunities, and sheer time.

 

I often worry about the long-term though...especially after mom/dad are old and/or dead:(

Even though I am not super-close to my 1/2 sister, we still know each other is there, KWIM?

 

Our dd periodically asks about siblings. My first miscarriage after her was very difficult for her. We did not tell her about the others, but she is extremely knowledgable about basic biology and I see how it still affects her. Not too long ago when our neighbor was pregnant dd said to her "you must have had a healthy embro. You are so lucky. My mom didn't and so it didn't grow into a healthy fetus and become a cutey sister for me. I REALLY want a sister."

Geez.

 

Still, my dd is an extremely um, high maintenance child:) I am in a wheelchair, and in many ways it will be much better for her/us to devote all time and resources to her...so there are definant perks!

Not to mention I am 37 and feel older EVERY day. The further I get from the tiny baby years the less I miss them...

[Greta]

Ooh, may I jump in with answers too? :)

 

Did you ever only intend to have one kid?

Before we got married, I told my husband that I wanted "at least" one child. I pictured one or two, never more than that. While we were dating I had dreams about us having one daughter. Those dreams turned out to be pretty prophetic, oddly enough.

 

Were you an only child?

 

Was your DH an only child?

I'm the oldest, with two younger brothers. DH is the middle, but also with two brothers.

 

Do you ever wish you had had another child? (Or wish that you could?)

To be honest, this has been the single most painful and challenging thing in my marriage: I want(ed) more kids, husband did(does) not. I won't go into more detail than that, except to say that I am finally getting to a place where I have accepted it. But it hasn't been easy. I thought I wanted a small family. But once my daughter was about 4 years old, I desperately wanted more children. (She's 14 now, btw.)

 

Does your child like being an only child?

 

She does, and I think that has been crucial in my acceptance of the situation. She never expressed any desire for a sibling, even when she was little. And in more recent years has expressed multiple times how glad she is to be an only child. If she had felt otherwise, I don't think I ever could have "managed" having only one. But she likes quiet and calm and peace. She has enough experience with friends who have siblings to know that's not the atmosphere in a bigger family. :D It's very striking to me how the other girls her age at our parish are just drawn to the younger kids, and always interacting with them. Not my dd. Sometimes the little ones will try to initiate contact with her. She is perfectly polite, but obviously stiff and uncomfortable. So they quickly give up. Sigh. . . . I may never get grandkids. :lol:

 

ETA: The adults in my parish, on the other hand, are always commenting to me how easy it is to talk to her, and how mature and comfortable she seems in interacting with them. So I guess that's the flip-side of that coin.

 

If your kid doesn't fight with a sibling...does he fight with a pet?

 

:laugh:

Ha! Fight, no. But the pets know who's the boss in this house, and it isn't me or my husband. :lol:

[Scarlett]

Did you ever only intend to have one kid?

No I did not. I wanted at least two.

[KarenNC]

If your kid doesn't fight with a sibling...does he fight with a pet? 

 

:laugh:

 

When my daughter was  about 3, from the back seat I heard, "Did too!" "Did not!" "Did too!" "Did not!"  She had her Barbies fighting with each other!

 

To answer other questions:  

I have one sister, 5 years younger. My husband is an only child. My daughter has gone through phases of wanting siblings and adamantly not wanting them :). I imagined we'd have two, but married in my 30's, had a miscarriage, a really difficult pregnancy, and pretty awful birth (not helped by being 38), so decided sticking around to raise the one I had was more important than trying for another.

 

Can't say I've ever gotten bored with just one, she has always kept me pretty much on my toes. I am an introvert by nature and she is more extroverted. When she was small, and I was the primary focus of her interaction needs, there were days it drove me batty. By the end of the day, sometimes I felt like I was being physically assaulted by sound and my skin crawled when she touched me. I felt like an awful parent, until I realized it was a mismatch between our needs for interaction and that she needed a wider pool of people. Preschool ( 2 half days at 2, 3 half days at 3, 4 half days at 4) was a lifesaver for both of us. I was very deliberate about finding lots of chances for interaction with other kids as we started our homeschool journey. She did a shift around puberty and, while still more extroverted than we are, she shows more introverted tendencies in general.

 

She definitely has more opportunities to do a wider variety of activities than would be likely if we had more than one. It's been easier to plan for just one, but, on the flip side, I can't reuse the materials or take advantage personally of the experience for a younger child, so I'm always in new territory. No sibling discounts, so we always pay the premium price for any activity (if you take sibling discounts into account and divide the total cost over all children in a family participating, each child's participation costs less than I pay for my single child). We have had a few situations where we have had to choose which parent gets to participate with her in an activity because the venue had a rule of no more adults than children (this has been primarily the case with our local opera student night--rule is designed for school groups), if we couldn't arrange a homeschool group outing.

 

Overall, I think the transitions through the various stages of childhood may be a bit more poignant, knowing that it's the only time I'll get to experience them. I have been enjoying this time now where I can leave her at home when I need to run out, and not have to either take her with me or try to work around my husband's schedule.

[Scarlett]

Were you an only child?

 

Was your DH an only child?

 

Do you ever wish you had had another child? (Or wish that you could?)

 

Does your child like being an only child?

I am not an only child. I have a younger brother I was raised with and a sister I was reunited with as an adult. Ds14's father was raised with 2 brothers and had two older brothers from his dads first marriage.

 

I wished I had another child a lot. My son has been one of my life's greatest joys and I wanted more of that....the desire stopped cold the day I knew I was divorcing my first husband.

 

My ds begged for a sibling his entire life....until he got two step brothers. :)

[Scarlett]

My son has always had a vivid imagination....he had an imaginary friend, and he used to get small paper plates and draw faces on them and call them his friends. He is very social and outgoing, but quite attached and possessive of me.

[Χά�ων]

Were you an only child?

 

Was your DH an only child?

 

Do you ever wish you had had another child? (Or wish that you could?)

 

Does your child like being an only child?

Yes

No

Yes (since the second DS was born, but due to medical complications I have been to scared to have another though I really want to before I am 35)

No. But, he is family oriented and would love to have several siblings and many cousins all living in the same house. 

[Greta]

Do you ever get bored with just one kid*?

Nope, never a dull moment! I do really enjoy the intimacy of a small family. And she manages to keep me on my toes. :)

 

Do you feel like your kid leads a higher quality of life because they are an only? (ie, all your money and time goes to them and their interests)

Hmm, I don't think I would describe it as higher quality. It's just different. My husband would disagree with me on this - you've hit on some of his reasons for wanting only one. But me, no, I see the value in a child learning to sacrifice for his/her siblings, learning that his/her desires aren't the only ones that the parents have to consider, etc. Thats not to say that my dd is spoiled - she honestly isn't. But I can still imagine the ways that having siblings might have been beneficial.

 

What if you change your mind when your only is grown but its too late for pregnancy for you?

I changed my mind when she was four, but couldn't get dh to change his.

 

*That might sound strange (or just really stupid, IDK), but I'm the 3rd child in my large family. It gets boring/lonesome when there is only 1 or 2 people around. I sleep best with other people, I just feel better/calmer knowing that sibling A, B, C, D and K are options. Having a quick game is an option, talking to them is an option, inviting them--spur of the moment--to do something minor or major with me is an option.

I think that the level of activity in the home, and knowing that there's someone sleeping nearby - those are things that you just get used to . . . Or not. Though I did have two siblings, they were boys, so I always had my own bedroom. I got so used to that, that I STILL have to have my own bedroom! :lol: I love my husband, but I do not love sleeping in the same room with him. I sleep best alone, because that's what's the most peaceful to me. If someone else is there, I'm always startled every time they move, turn over, etc.

 

As far as always having someone available, I don't know, maybe this comes from being such a strong introvert, but I just don't have quite that need to always have someone available. But, since my husband and daughter are also introverts, they are usually around! :lol: So even though our family is small, there pretty much is always someone here to hang out with. :)

[Χά�ων]

If your kid doesn't fight with a sibling...does he fight with a pet? 

 

:laugh:

No and to be honest DS is such a peacemaker and gentle giant that even if I had another I do not see him being one to fight. 

[Lady Florida.]

Did you ever only intend to have one kid?

 

I didn't. I married late in life and had one good egg left. 

[Lady Florida.]

Were you an only child?

 

Was your DH an only child?

 

Do you ever wish you had had another child? (Or wish that you could?)

 

Does your child like being an only child?

 

1. No. I'm the oldest of two.

 

2. No. He's #3 of 4. 

 

3. I used to. I'm fine with it now.

 

4. He neither likes nor dislikes it. It is what it is. He's okay with it. Technically he's not an only, but his brother (my stepson) is 20 years older than him so for all practical purposes they're both onlies. 

[Audrey]

Did you ever only intend to have one kid?

Yes.  We agreed we'd have one.  We are pretty easy-going people, though, and were both open to listening to the other if they ever felt a desire for another kid. Thus far, neither of us have felt a desire to have another, and we're both now too old anyway, so it's a moot point. 

 

Were you an only child?

 

Was your DH an only child?

 

Do you ever wish you had had another child? (Or wish that you could?)

 

Does your child like being an only child?

I had one younger brother.

 

Dh is #6 of 7.

 

Nope.

 

Yes.  We've asked him.  He has made it clear that he prefers being an only.

 

Do you ever get bored with just one kid*?

 

Do you feel like your kid leads a higher quality of life because they are an only? (ie, all your money and time goes to them and their interests)

 

What if you change your mind when your only is grown but its too late for pregnancy for you?

 

*That might sound strange (or just really stupid, IDK), but I'm the 3rd child in my large family. It gets boring/lonesome when there is only 1 or 2 people around. I sleep best with other people, I just feel better/calmer knowing that sibling A, B, C, D and K are options. Having a quick game is an option, talking to them is an option, inviting them--spur of the moment--to do something minor or major with me is an option.

No.  I enjoy my one kid thoroughly.

 

Yes.  As my dh once said, "we have the luxury of being a small family."  Since he came from a large family, I understand why he feels that the small family is a luxury.  I do think it is, too, but I appreciate his perspective because I did not have a large family like he does.  My dh also once told our son, who was whinging about having to share mommy time with daddy, too (he was about 4 at the time), that having to share mommy with just one other person was not something to whinge about "try waiting 6th in line all the time kiddo."  That really struck me -- for its honest, off-the-cuff candor.  I've never quite forgotten these 2 statements from my dh.  They make me feel sad for him. 

 

What if I change my mind and decide I wanted to wear the purple dress to my first day of kindergarten instead of the red one?  Silly question, eh?

 

* I was one of two and my brother and I were like cats and dogs most of the time.  Having siblings does not equal having built in buddies.  I see that all the time where people say that having lots of sibs (or just sibs at all) means they'll always have someone to play with, but that not always true. I love my brother, but he's the last person I'd buddy with, period.

 

 

If your kid doesn't fight with a sibling...does he fight with a pet? 

 

:laugh:

No.  But, sometimes he and dh bicker like siblings.  At times like those I just holler "all right you two... to your corners!"  It makes them laugh. 

[Lady Florida.]

Do you ever get bored with just one kid*?

 

Do you feel like your kid leads a higher quality of life because they are an only? (ie, all your money and time goes to them and their interests)

 

What if you change your mind when your only is grown but its too late for pregnancy for you?

 

*That might sound strange (or just really stupid, IDK), but I'm the 3rd child in my large family. It gets boring/lonesome when there is only 1 or 2 people around. I sleep best with other people, I just feel better/calmer knowing that sibling A, B, C, D and K are options. Having a quick game is an option, talking to them is an option, inviting them--spur of the moment--to do something minor or major with me is an option.

 

1. Life with a child who has ADHD is never boring.  :lol:

 

2. Yes. There are many things ds can do that we most likely couldn't afford if there were siblings. He sees this with friends of his who have many siblings. They aren't able to go to as many places, get theme park (we're close to Orlando) passes, etc.

 

3. My "mind" had nothing to do with it. There is nothing to change.

Nope, never a dull moment! I do really enjoy the intimacy of a small family. And she manages to keep me on my toes. :)

 

 

 

Yes to the bolded. Very much.

[elegantlion]

Do you ever get bored with just one kid*?

 

Do you feel like your kid leads a higher quality of life because they are an only? (ie, all your money and time goes to them and their interests)

 

What if you change your mind when your only is grown but its too late for pregnancy for you?

 

*That might sound strange (or just really stupid, IDK), but I'm the 3rd child in my large family. It gets boring/lonesome when there is only 1 or 2 people around. I sleep best with other people, I just feel better/calmer knowing that sibling A, B, C, D and K are options. Having a quick game is an option, talking to them is an option, inviting them--spur of the moment--to do something minor or major with me is an option.

 

No, never bored. I find him fascinating. I think I have the patience for one. 

 

Quality of life? IDK, finances has historically been an issue with us, so he's limited despite the fact he's an only child. He's definitely not spoiled. Time, however, has been bonus. When we were able to travel more, it was easy to do more with a limited budget. 

 

I never grew up wanting kids, if fact I didn't want kids when I was a teenager. We became open to the idea and ds is our joy, but I've never felt the urge for more. I'm almost 47, so I don't foresee ever changing my mind about wanting more. I really did not relish the baby stage. I like it when they're moving, thinking, and talking. I remember the first conversation we had where he expressed an opinion, not just parroting words. It was much better than diapers. 

 

Ds and I are introverts, we like our private time and spaces. He's rarely complained about being bored even as a teen. 

 

 

If your kid doesn't fight with a sibling...does he fight with a pet? 

 

:laugh:

 

 

Yes, we've had a cat or dog most of his life. The dog is a lab and really is quite like a perpetual toddler. The cat gets into his stuff and he gets annoyed with that. He tucks the dog in bed every night, it's really quite adorable. 

[fraidycat]

I don't have an only, but I did want to comment @Audrey. I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets to be referee when DH!!!! is bickering with the child(ren). It's been more than once that I've questioned which one is the more mature one during an exchange.

[Χά�ων]

Do you ever get bored with just one kid*?

 

Do you feel like your kid leads a higher quality of life because they are an only? (ie, all your money and time goes to them and their interests)

 

What if you change your mind when your only is grown but its too late for pregnancy for you?

 

*That might sound strange (or just really stupid, IDK), but I'm the 3rd child in my large family. It gets boring/lonesome when there is only 1 or 2 people around. I sleep best with other people, I just feel better/calmer knowing that sibling A, B, C, D and K are options. Having a quick game is an option, talking to them is an option, inviting them--spur of the moment--to do something minor or major with me is an option.

I don't have time to be bored!

 

Yes and no. If I had another child there is no way DS could do his activities to the extent that he does. But his therapies and such would have to continue and I would need more help from my parents to manage the therapy load and another child.

 

Adoption. 

[source of joy]

I do have two children but I once read and people seem to agree with me all the time, if your children are 8 or more years apart, they are both technically only children. I think it helps that we are homeschooling both children to help with sibling bonding but it's not the same as having siblings close in age like I experienced growing up in a family of 5 children.
 

Were you an only child?
 
No, I was the oldest of 5.

Was your DH an only child?

No
 
Do you ever wish you had had another child? (Or wish that you could?)

Oh YES!!! We had hoped to have 5...it's so much fun to grow up in a large family. However, this is what was designed for us and I work on contentment in this area all the time.
 
Does your child like being an only child?

Dd prayed for a sibling for a long time and when I experienced medical problems and fertility treatments didn't work for us, I told her that just like we say "no" to her when she expresses certain wants, I'm thinking God may be saying "no" to us in the baby department...she got used to the idea. Ds would love another sibling but he knows it can't happen and so he's also learning to be OK with the idea of being the second "only"

[Big Buckin' Longhorn]

Were you an only child?

 

Was your DH an only child?

 

Do you ever wish you had had another child? (Or wish that you could?)

 

Does your child like being an only child?

I am not an only child, but I feel like one because my younger sister and I never got along as children and now we do. not. speak. at. all.

 

My spouse is technically not an only child, but sort of is. She has one brother 6 years younger and another brother 12 years younger.

 

I actually never intended to have any children. I'm a selfish introvert with limited patience. I got knocked up at 20 and the rest is history. One is enough. Due to some strange and unusual circumstances, I have 3 little girls with me now, and it just reaffirms that I was never really meant to be a mother, although I love them dearly. They will be here as long as they need to be, but I'm glad my son is already an adult.

 

My son says he enjoyed being an only child. He is the center of my universe and my parents' as well since he is the oldest and only male grandchild. He's sufficiently spoiled, but not quite rotten.

 

He does consider the dog to be his little brother and they do have a sibling rivalry going on. It's quite hilarious.

[quark]

If your kid doesn't fight with a sibling...does he fight with a pet? 

 

:laugh:

 

Sometimes. But they always cuddle and make up afterwards. :laugh: It's hard to get angry with the dog and the dog in turn is so forgiving as long as someone rubs his belly or gives him a treat. Kiddo's dad is like his sibling some days (fights and all) and I am like his sibling some days (fights and all) and his dad and I are both quite young at heart so he gets a small (if mostly inaccurate) taste of sibling fights. :lol:

[scootiepie]

How often do you get asked to your face why you only have one child?    Do you mind answering?

[Hoot]

Did you ever only intend to have one kid?

 

Not consciously, no.  When I was younger, I wanted a good dozen kids.  When I got married, DS was conceived 2 months after we got married.  For years we never tried to get pregnant nor did we actively prevent it.  It simply never happened.  I went through a short phase of wanting another, and then I realized that I didn't want another CHILD, but another opportunity to do some things differently.  Not necessarily "better," just different.  Once I figured this out, I have been 100% content with having an only and have absolutely no desire for more children.

 

 

Were you an only child?

 

No.  I was the oldest in a house of 4 children - 1 biological sibling and 2 step-siblings.

 

Was your DH an only child?

 

No.  He was the youngest of two, but his sister is perhaps 7+ yrs. older and he says that he felt like an only for a few years. 

 

Do you ever wish you had had another child? (Or wish that you could?)

 

 

No.  Not anymore.  I actually think I would be very disappointed if I were to get pregnant again at this point. 

 

 

 

Does your child like being an only child?

 

For a long time he would pray every night for a sibling.  That was part of my initial desire to have another.  At this point though, he has no desire for siblings and is very content being an only.  He is capable now of understanding the inherent benefits to being an only.  At the same time though, he does often wish that he had someone that he could do things with more frequently and on-demand.  Our neighborhood has no suitable children of his age to engage with, so he's left with the children he goes to church and classes with or neighborhood kids that are significantly younger.

 

 

 

Do you ever get bored with just one kid*?

 

 

 

Absolutely never.  One inherent bonus to having one child is that I am able to engage in my own interests, so I have my own activities to keep me busy.  Another bonus for DS is that HE is able to keep busy with a variety of activities that he is interested in.  This means that I am shuttling him to and from a multitude of activities.  The fact that we only have one child to chauffeur means that being involved in a lot of activites actually doesn't keep us out endlessly.  We are actually home A LOT.

 

 

Do you feel like your kid leads a higher quality of life because they are an only? (ie, all your money and time goes to them and their interests)

 

Hmm that's a good question.  I would say that material and time-wise, I think he definitely gets the best end of the stick.  I think there are drawbacks, too, that offset this though.  For instance, he doesn't have that very close bond with anyone other than us and grandparents.  Friends are a different breed of bond than siblings.   

 

 

What if you change your mind when your only is grown but its too late for pregnancy for you?

 

I will be 38 when DS graduates high school.  That is not "too late" for me, at least, though I know that it is creeping closer to that magical line in the sand.  For me, pregnancy has never been the be all and end all to parenthood.  If I wanted another child badly enough, there are other options such as foster care or adoption.  At this point though, DS is 3 yrs. from high school graduation and I am 100% sure that there will be no more children for us by choice.  In fact, when it is feasible to do so, DS will have a vascectomy to help ensure that no unplanned pregnancies occur.  Even with using protective measures  currently, there have been a few "scares."  This has resulted in sheer terror and dread in both of us at the possibility of starting over.  I don't foresee this attitude changing anytime in the future.

 

 

 

If your kid doesn't fight with a sibling...does he fight with a pet? 

 

:laugh:

 

Haha.  No, not really. 

 

How often do you get asked to your face why you only have one child?    Do you mind answering?

 

Not at all anymore.  In the beginning we were asked all. the. time. when we were having another or why we didn't have another yet.  And then when they found out that we didn't WANT another, there were the questions and accusations.  It was exhausting and grew tiresome.  Being that DS is 15 now, anyone who knows us already knows and no longer cares.  They're too busy trying to conceive their own kids to worry about ours. 

[Hoot]

I'm a selfish introvert with limited patience. One is enough. Due to some strange and unusual circumstances, I have 3 little girls with me now, and it just reaffirms that I was never really meant to be a mother, although I love them dearly. They will be here as long as they need to be, but I'm glad my son is already an adult.

 

 

I can identify with this so. very. much.  I have worked with children for many years and, as much as I enjoy these kids and am VERY good at my job (according to parents and administrators), it has only affirmed my opinion that I should have never been a mother and do not ever want more of my own.

[I talk to the trees]

Were you an only child?

 

Was your DH an only child?

 

Do you ever wish you had had another child? (Or wish that you could?)

 

Does your child like being an only child?

 

I'm an only, but dh isn't.

 

Nope. We are happy just as we are.

 

Yes, she loves it. But she gets plenty of "sibling experience" hanging out with her friends who have lots of siblings. I think that makes her even more appreciative of her status as an only!

 

If your kid doesn't fight with a sibling...does he fight with a pet? 

 

:laugh:

 

No, all of our inter-family hostilities are released during lengthy, somewhat vicious games of Catan. (I know I can kiss the "longest road" points goodbye on days when I give her a new writing assignment. :D )

 

 

How often do you get asked to your face why you only have one child?    Do you mind answering?

 

Only occasionally, and usually I don't mind. However, when a couple of members from our old homeschool "support" group asked if I had ever had an abortion- ya' know, because everyone should have as many children as they possibly can, and since I only had one child, that was the *only* answer in their minds- I did  put them in their place.

 

 

eta: No, I never get bored at all with only one. Now whether she gets bored with me is another story...

[sunflowerlady]

Did you ever only intend to have one kid?

There came a point where , yes, we did make that decision intentionally.

[sunflowerlady]

How often do you get asked to your face why you only have one child?    Do you mind answering?

Not very often. I don't mind answering depending on who asks and the overall situation and attitude of the person.

[sunflowerlady]

Do you ever get bored with just one kid*?

 

Do you feel like your kid leads a higher quality of life because they are an only? (ie, all your money and time goes to them and their interests)

 

What if you change your mind when your only is grown but its too late for pregnancy for you?

 

*That might sound strange (or just really stupid, IDK), but I'm the 3rd child in my large family. It gets boring/lonesome when there is only 1 or 2 people around. I sleep best with other people, I just feel better/calmer knowing that sibling A, B, C, D and K are options. Having a quick game is an option, talking to them is an option, inviting them--spur of the moment--to do something minor or major with me is an option.

 

I have moments I feel bored but it has nothing to do with having one child.

 

Not sure about the quality of life question. In some ways, maybe because we have limited resources in many ways. 

 

Changing my mind is irrelevant. I don't even think about it. It is what it is.

 

None of us have experience with being in a large family so the last paragraph doesn't apply to our experiences.

[Carrie12345]

Kind of a silly question -

 

Do you have any neurosis you worry about putting on an only?

 

I have many, but I figure I spread them around in smaller increments. :p

[DawnM]

I was an only child.  I was often quite lonely.

[sunflowerlady]

Were you an only child?

 

Was your DH an only child?

 

Do you ever wish you had had another child? (Or wish that you could?)

 

Does your child like being an only child?

Neither dh nor I were only children.

 

I occasionally have thought that I wish I had another child, but I honestly realize it's because that is what society "expects".  I am perfectly happy with our family as it is.

 

I don't know. I have never asked her. She was doing a community service event and an older lady was chatting with her. When the lady found out she had no siblings she asked dd if she liked being an only child. Dd told the lady it has its pros and cons. I think that is a good answer. Most things and situations in life have pros and cons.

[Hoot]

Kind of a silly question -

 

Do you have any neurosis you worry about putting on an only?

 

I have many, but I figure I spread them around in smaller increments. :p

 

 

Of course, but I don't think that is  unique to onlies.  He is not with us 24/7 so he does have the experience of many other adults and children and, hopefully, can see other perspectives on said neurosis. 

 

It's kind of interesting how he is 100% his own person though.  I can't see where he has picked up any of either of our weird quirks or issues... and I have many.  :)

[Dmmetler]

How often do you get asked to your face why you only have one child?    Do you mind answering?

 

I don't get asked all that often. Part of it is that people who knew me before DD also generally know just how hard that pregnancy was, of the loss of an earlier baby, etc. I suspect I'd get stronger reactions if I told most people I know that we wanted another child!  DD's K teacher did ask me-she said she'd LOVE to teach another of my kids ;). Oh, and I have two friends who are foster/adoptive parents (both of four children), who encourage me to foster/adopt pretty strongly, but I think they both do so to any person they perceive as a good parent who has a big enough house :).

[Scarlett]

I realized last night that many of my friends have only children. I counted 10 without having to think very hard at all.

[73349]

Were you an only child?

 

Was your DH an only child?

 

Do you ever wish you had had another child? (Or wish that you could?)

 

Does your child like being an only child?

 

I'm the oldest of 5 (by a lot), which is how I know a big family is not for me. DH is the older of two. We originally thought maybe we'd have two, but since having DS, we've felt our family is complete.

 

I sometimes would like a daytime Rent-a-Baby, but not for keeps. :)

 

DS definitely likes being an only child.

 

 

Re: sibling rivalry, Yes, he and the cat have that going on, and it goes both ways. Very amusing to me.

Re: getting bored, Hahahahaha, you wouldn't ask that if you met this kid!

[Miss Innocent]

I thought I would chip in, as the mother of a child who is now effectively an only child, although he had an older brother here for the first five years of his life. (He still has an older brother, but not here on earth, iyswim.)

 

Were you an only child?

 

Was your DH an only child?

 

Do you ever wish you had had another child? (Or wish that you could?)

 

Does your child like being an only child?

 

 

No, I am the eldest of 4.

 

Yes.

 

I always wanted to have 4, 5, 6 children. I was so desperate not to have an only child for any longer than necessary I started trying for a second baby when William was 6 months old, despite having had a terrible birth with him. I'm now in my late 30s. I am really hoping that my health (and our finances) improved so that we can have some more before it is too late! (I trying hard to leave this in God's hands and have peace over it...)

 

No, he doesn't. He really would like me to have 'lots' more babies. William wanted me to have lots more too. We really like big families here!  :001_smile:

[Dmmetler]

Kind of a silly question -

 

Do you have any neurosis you worry about putting on an only?

 

I have many, but I figure I spread them around in smaller increments. :p

 

One thing I read about before DD was born, and after losing her brother was that children, especially only children, born after an infant death had risks of being "too precious" to the parent, and the parent being too helicoptering/smothering and not letting the child develop their own personality. That was actually one reason why I took a part-time job at the college when it was offered when DD was 6 months old, because that way I had that separated time from her. I think that fear, that I couldn't separate from her, was the main reason I sent her to PS K at age 4, even though I'd been on the fringes of homeschooling and going to HS park days for over a year. I felt, given DD's needs and the local school options, that HSing would be best for her, but had this fear that I'd be hurting her by keeping her home.

 

Independence, in general, has been a harder thing and something that I have to work at taking steps for DD to develop, because there's not the natural "I have to hold your little sister, so stay close and walk beside me in the parking lot." One thing I realized recently is that I need to teach telephone skills, because with DH working from home most of the time and me at home, DD has never been in the position of having to answer the phone and take messages. An adult always picks it up before she would get to it, or we have the ringer turned off and it goes straight to voice mail if we can't take a call right then. DD noticed that she's now old enough to go to the local public library branch without an adult, so we may try that this summer. I admit, I'm very nervous about dropping her off with a cell phone and leaving the building. It's not that she's not a responsible kid. She is. It's that the world isn't always a responsible or safe place. She's also asked about staying home alone, which honestly is less scary for me than leaving her at the library-but with a work-at-home father, the number of times DH and I both are out of the house really aren't all that frequent.

 

One thing I've noticed as she gets older is that I'm about the only parent who still waits at gymnastics, dance, etc with my book instead of doing SOMETHING else during that time. It used to be that this was where I had a chance to talk to other adults. Now I'm starting to feel a bit uncomfortable because the parents waiting all have little bitty ones, and mine is quite a bit older-but honestly, I really don't have a reason to leave. It's not like there's a lot to do useful, it's usually far enough that if I drove home, I'd just have to turn around and come back, and I don't have a toddler who is happier on the playground or running around outside the building. And every time I think that maybe I should try to create something to do, something happens to make me glad I stay. For example, a little girl in DD's tumbling class didn't get lined up on the cheese mat for a back handspring recently, and fell off, injuring her arm. It took almost 30 minutes for the coaches to get in touch with that terrified, hurting 8 yr old's parents and get a parent back to her. Not the end of the world, but I imagine those minutes were an eternity for that child. So, I stay in the waiting room with the moms oohing and ahing over their little 3 and 4 yr old's wobbly cartwheels, and feel a little strange when they ask me which one is my baby, and I have to explain that my baby is the one with braids over there working on her jump combos on the trampoline, who is three times as old and twice as tall as their baby.