At my wit's end.

[Rivka]

I had a hysterectomy on April 16th. I am still very tired and weak. I finally got driving privileges back yesterday, but I'm not allowed to lift more than 10 lbs for another couple of weeks. To be honest, even lifting three china dinner plates feels like it strains me to my limits.

 

Monday night it started raining. It poured constantly for two solid days. We have a dog and no fenced yard, so she's needed to be forcibly walked in the pouring rain several times a day.

 

Yesterday afternoon the kids announced that water was leaking in to their basement playroom. It quickly went from "leaking" to "flooding" - two-inch-deep puddles across most of the playroom and storage room and more coming in. I had to go get my husband from work, because I couldn't clean up the water or even move things out of the way. Michael spent six hours with the Shop-Vac clearing away the worst of the water but there is still so much work to do. All the dress-up clothes and a huge stack of bedding got soaked. There are still puddles that need to be swabbed up with towels. Then that makes more laundry. I can't lift a laundry basket, I have to slide them along the floor.

 

There are still cardboard boxes that need to have their contents investigated, thrown out, or arranged to dry. All the camping gear needs to be checked for wetness so it doesn't mold. I can't do any of this stuff. I am lying on the couch.

 

In the middle of all of this, while I was trying to get some laundry started, the kids hollered at me from the ground floor. "We played in a mud hole, and we kind of regret it." They were plastered with mud to the knee, plus there was mud all over the foyer and on their clothes. We have off-white carpeting in much of the house.

 

I couldn't do a thing about them. I couldn't carry them to the bathroom or carry warm water out to them. They had to wash themselves in icy hose water until they were clean enough to walk to the bathroom. Then they had to bathe themselves and clean up the bathroom and sweep and mop the foyer because I just can't. And they can't be sent to play outside again, apparently, because it rained for days and it's swampy-muddy EVERYWHERE.

 

Just the tiny bit of cleaning I did has me exhausted. I am done. I have a paying client this afternoon, and we need the money, so I have to be functional.

 

I don't even know why I typed all of this up here. I just... I've had about all I can take, and so has Michael, and this is hard, and sympathy please? Tell me this will pass. Tell me I am not a horrible person for lying on the couch and doing nothing even though there is so vastly, ridiculously much to do.

[Rivka]

While I was writing this a friend from church who is on vacation this week called and said she was on her way to come and clean for a few hours. She already used up a half-day of her vacation sitting with us on Monday so I could rest. I don't feel like I should accept but I also don't feel like I have a choice.

[Jean in Newcastle]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Jean in Newcastle]

What a beautiful friend!  Accept her gracious offer.  At some time in the future you can pay it forward.  

[Corraleno]

You are definitely not a horrible person! You truly NEED to rest — please accept your friend's very kind offer.    :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Miss Peregrine]

Take care of you. :grouphug:

[Kathryn]

:grouphug: I know it's hard to ask for help, but please accept it.

[MooCow]

When I had a lady part removed, it was stressed to me constantly-you only have ONE chance to heal properly.

 

Let your friend clean for you. It will get better. :grouphug:

[BrookValley.]

:grouphug:  Oh, wow. That's a lot to handle for someone who feels great, much less someone recovering from major abdominal surgery! Please, lay on the couch and accept the help. Your friend would not have offered if she didn't want to.

 

Also realize that I'm saying this as a very type-A, cannot sit still kind of person, so I know full well that advice is easier said than done. :laugh:  But really. Rest. Get yourself well. Soon, this will all just be a little speed bump, as insurmountable as it feels right now.

[Freckles]

I'm so sorry that you are still feeling bad. You might want to have your iron levels tested. If you lost blood during surgery, it could be contributing to your fatigue. Also, accept any help that is offered and don't feel bad about it. When you are feeling better just pay it forward. I hope you feel better soon.

[fairfarmhand]

Don't feel bad about your friend coming to help her. Allow her the blessing of serving you, and someday you will be able to serve someone else in like manner.

 

Rest. Relax. It'll be okay.

 

This too shall pass.

[bolt.]

Please accept help: and actively seek help if you can. Everyone knows that surgery recovery is nothing to be powered-through. You must heal.

 

It might be that "recovery costs" (in lost income or cost of household help) might need to join with the other medical costs in your mind, so that you can give yourself permission to actually finish off the surgical procedure by limiting yourself appropriately for healing. The surgery is not "over" until the healing is complete; and this final phase might cost something, just like the procedure had a cost in the first place. You might need to go into debt.

 

Powering yourself through the healing phase (and healing poorly) might be one of the stupidest decisions you ever make: if you don't think you can afford to recover well, ask yourself how you will afford follow-up surgery, plus the recovery from that; or how you will afford to deal with whatever part of your health and mobility might be permanently injured if you don't heal up well.

 

Giving yourself an apropreate amount of actual time off, plus paying for some extra child care and chore help (especially with flooding) -- just might be the cheapest option on the table right now.

 

No one asks for health problems. They aren't fair, and they can be very expensive. It's still not wise to risk making them worse on the premise that you "have to". Yours sounds like if you recover well, life will be absolutely normal again -- fairly shortly. That's good. It's much better than not recovering well.

[Rivka]

It might be that "recovery costs" (in lost income or cost of household help) might need to join with the other medical costs in your mind, so that you can give yourself permission to actually finish off the surgical procedure by limiting yourself appropriately for healing. The surgery is not "over" until the healing is complete; and this final phase might cost something, just like the procedure had a cost in the first place. You might need to go into debt.

 

Powering yourself through the healing phase (and healing poorly) might be one of the stupidest decisions you ever make: if you don't think you can afford to recover well, ask yourself how you will afford follow-up surgery, plus the recovery from that; or how you will afford to deal with whatever part of your health and mobility might be permanently injured if you don't heal up well.

 

Giving yourself an apropreate amount of actual time off, plus paying for some extra child care and chore help (especially with flooding) -- just might be the cheapest option on the table right now.

 

I had a v**inal hysterectomy, so no abdominal incision. My surgeon told me to rest for two weeks (one week near-total rest and one week some activity) and then I'd be able to resume normal activities. I took those two weeks completely off, not even trying to do any work-related reading or writing. I've scheduled one appointment a day for the first week back to paying work. I don't feel like I've been foolhardy.

[FO4UR]

Take all the rest you need now, or you might be paying for it for the rest of your life.  You need to heal.  There is nothing worth dealing with the fall-out of a incomplete recovery.  Your body might need more time than the typical patient who has the same procedure.  Take the time.

 

 

Take all the help your friend wants to give.  Bless her.  Thank her.  She will need you someday, and it will give you greater joy to serve her when you remember the way she is serving you now.  This is what makes a friendship beautiful.

 

 

 

[Reefgazer]

Good luck to you; things will get better shortly.  No go and accept the cleaning, go to bed, and pull the covers over your head for a few days.  :)

 

Now a serious suggestion:  Can you hire a mom's helper (teenager from the neighborhood) or aide to help with kids, cooking, cleaning?

[bolt.]

I had a v**inal hysterectomy, so no abdominal incision. My surgeon told me to rest for two weeks (one week near-total rest and one week some activity) and then I'd be able to resume normal activities. I took those two weeks completely off, not even trying to do any work-related reading or writing. I've scheduled one appointment a day for the first week back to paying work. I don't feel like I've been foolhardy.

I don't think you have been foolhardy: I just hope you won't be. If you are still recovering, it's wise to allow the process plenty of time. I worry about people who push themselves.

[ErinE]

Hugs and sympathy. You've had major surgery and you must rest in order to heal. Rest, rest, and rest some more then come here if you need us to throw you a well-deserved sympathy party. I haven't had a hysterectomy, but with three c-sections, I can say that six weeks is the minimum for getting back to some semblance of normal.

[Twigs]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Night Elf]

:grouphug:  That does sound frustrating. You're doing the best you can do. Kudos to your kids for cleaning up the mud though. I was waiting for you to say it was just all dirty and waiting for you or your DH.

[Alessandra]

You can't do what you can't do. The kids may not understand this, but it is perfectly clear to an adult.

 

I have a smashed knee (getting better), so ds had to walk to school yesterday in pouring rain. Day 3 of state testing. Who knows if he had any breakfast? I feel awful, but .... Sometimes you just can't help, no matter how you want to.

 

Hope you will be better soon.

[Pam in CT]

:grouphug: I'm sorry you're going through this, and that it's taking longer than you'd hoped to recover.

 

Please accept help: and actively seek help if you can. Everyone knows that surgery recovery is nothing to be powered-through. You must heal.

It might be that "recovery costs" (in lost income or cost of household help) might need to join with the other medical costs in your mind, so that you can give yourself permission to actually finish off the surgical procedure by limiting yourself appropriately for healing. The surgery is not "over" until the healing is complete; and this final phase might cost something, just like the procedure had a cost in the first place. You might need to go into debt.

Powering yourself through the healing phase (and healing poorly) might be one of the stupidest decisions you ever make: if you don't think you can afford to recover well, ask yourself how you will afford follow-up surgery, plus the recovery from that; or how you will afford to deal with whatever part of your health and mobility might be permanently injured if you don't heal up well.
 

 

This.

 

I had a v**inal hysterectomy, so no abdominal incision. My surgeon told me to rest for two weeks (one week near-total rest and one week some activity) and then I'd be able to resume normal activities. I took those two weeks completely off, not even trying to do any work-related reading or writing. I've scheduled one appointment a day for the first week back to paying work. I don't feel like I've been foolhardy.

 

But, Rivka... you still feel wretched.  These are average expected recovery times.  The way averages work, is, some people take a little longer.  You know that.  Listen to your body.  If that's hard: listen to bolt, and listen to your dear friend from church.  

 

 

Take all the rest you need now, or you might be paying for it for the rest of your life.  You need to heal.  There is nothing worth dealing with the fall-out of a incomplete recovery.  Your body might need more time than the typical patient who has the same procedure.  Take the time.

 

 

Take all the help your friend wants to give.  Bless her.  Thank her.  She will need you someday, and it will give you greater joy to serve her when you remember the way she is serving you now.  This is what makes a friendship beautiful.

 

You are blessing your friend, by letting her help you.  

 

 

 

[fairfarmhand]

I had a v**inal hysterectomy, so no abdominal incision. My surgeon told me to rest for two weeks (one week near-total rest and one week some activity) and then I'd be able to resume normal activities. I took those two weeks completely off, not even trying to do any work-related reading or writing. I've scheduled one appointment a day for the first week back to paying work. I don't feel like I've been foolhardy.

still....they took out part of your body..a major organ.

 

I think your surgeon may have given you the "best case sceneario"  However, you need to pay attention to your body.

[Ameena]

I agree with the other posters - let your friend help you. Hire a Mom's helper if possible. Can you ask family / friends to help? Is there a local care calender for your church / co-op / etc that you could be put on? I know one of the local mom's in a co-op here who had a c-section & complications healing asked specifically for teen girls to come help out with household tasks, under her direction. Mom could sit on the couch / chair & direct without overdoing it. Most of the girls who went LOVED it - they got to learn a different perspective of cooking / laundry / etc than they had before. The mom had to teach a couple of them basic cooking / laundry / cleaning skills, but it was a win-win for both.

 

 

I would also consider a call to the Dr's office to chat with a nurse that it seems like your recovery is going slower than expected. They may want you to come in & have a check-over just to make sure there aren't any complications slowing recovery.

[Acadie]

Do get checked to rule out anemia or some other issue, but in my opinion most surgeons VASTLY underestimate postop recovery time.  Surgery is by definition trauma, and a doctor's overly optimistic recovery timeline can get in the way of sensing how much time you actually need to recovery physically, emotionally and spiritually.  You have permission to make the couch your home for another few weeks!

 

What kind of support could you get for the next month?  Mother's helper?  Takeout and videos?  More good friends?

 

It reminds me of postpartum--I have friends who are out walking with the baby in a front pack 2 days later, but I needed a month or so with both babies to get back to everyday activity levels.  What possible ways can you get rest, someone to bring you nurturing food and drink, a break from lifting/cleaning anything, respite from being the primary child care person all day long? 

 

Amy

[Rivka]

I can't believe how much she did. She did a bunch of laundry, sorted through the camping things and spread the wet stuff out to dry, emptied the wet cardboard boxes, hauled them outside, and spread the stuff from the boxes on the basement shelves to dry. All like it was the most delightful imaginable way to spend the afternoon of one of her vacation days.

 

Man. Can you imagine what life would be like if we only had the friends we deserved?

[bolt.]

How wonderful!

 

I hope she made you a cup of tea too!

[Ravin]

I'm glad you accepted the help. And don't feel bad about making your children clean up after themselves! I'd have had them helping with the basement, too.

 

BTW, I was ROFL over the mud scenario, because I remember doing the exact same thing as a kid--down to the hosing each other off before being let into the house to clean up. It will make a good story for years to come!

 

My mom went through a series of surgeries when I was around 11-13 yo., including hysto and 2 back surgeries. So she spent a LOT of time on the couch. And my sisters and I learned how to cook, and clean, and helped with laundry and everything, whether we wanted to or not. Which kids should learn anyway, we just maybe had a steeper curve than some  (especially me as the eldest), because my dad's work had him traveling a great deal so there was nobody else. In the long run, it'll build character for your kids--and for you. Knowing when to help is important, as is knowing when to accept help. What others have said about needing to heal is 100% true.

[OneStepAtATime]

So glad you have such a wonderful friend.  Thank goodness!   :grouphug:

 

And PLEASE rest.  PLEASE don't over do it.  The consequences if you don't could be severe and lifelong.  I have had a friend and I have had a relative that did not follow advice after abdominal surgery and a friend that did not follow advice after foot surgery and all three ended up with lifelong issues and in one case multiple surgeries to correct the damage done when they didn't follow doctor advice.

[Catwoman]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[mommymilkies]

Do get checked to rule out anemia or some other issue, but in my opinion most surgeons VASTLY underestimate postop recovery time.  Surgery is by definition trauma, and a doctor's overly optimistic recovery timeline can get in the way of sensing how much time you actually need to recovery physically, emotionally and spiritually.  You have permission to make the couch your home for another few weeks!

 

What kind of support could you get for the next month?  Mother's helper?  Takeout and videos?  More good friends?

 

It reminds me of postpartum--I have friends who are out walking with the baby in a front pack 2 days later, but I needed a month or so with both babies to get back to everyday activity levels.  What possible ways can you get rest, someone to bring you nurturing food and drink, a break from lifting/cleaning anything, respite from being the primary child care person all day long? 

 

Amy

:iagree:

 

I can't believe how much she did. She did a bunch of laundry, sorted through the camping things and spread the wet stuff out to dry, emptied the wet cardboard boxes, hauled them outside, and spread the stuff from the boxes on the basement shelves to dry. All like it was the most delightful imaginable way to spend the afternoon of one of her vacation days.

 

Man. Can you imagine what life would be like if we only had the friends we deserved?

That's wonderful!  Get some rest now and  :grouphug:

[ThisIsTheDay]

Tell me this will pass. Tell me I am not a horrible person for lying on the couch and doing nothing even though there is so vastly, ridiculously much to do.

 

You are not a horrible person, you are a person recovering from surgery.  :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Praise God for such a friend!  And take care of yourself, you poor thing.  I wish I was close, I'd do what I could to help.

[jrn]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

You are not a horrible person. Right now it is your job to sit and recover.  I remember the horrid recovery time on my surgery, I literally sat in tears as others did everything.  One friend even came daily to clean out the litter boxes!  Take any help you can get, you will be on your feet in no time.

[Liz CA]

Went through the same thing - the surgery, not the flooded basement.

 

You have one chance to heal right!

 

Don't overdo anything. Everything can wait. Thank heaven for your wonderful friend! Sleep when you are exhausted and give your body the rest it needs. You feel 100% better in a few weeks.

 

[Garga]

I've found that doctors love to give a recovery time that is less than what is actually needed and they often don't give an accurate picture of just how amazingly helpless you'll be and how dreadful you'll feel.

 

If it were I, I would let the friend help and continue to take it easy. It's just a couple of months out of your whole life; a very small percentage indeed. Rest, unabashedly. Rest.

[trulycrabby]

Rivka, I am sorry your basement flooded, and those rascally kids sound...like me at that age. :o

 

I have done A LOT of research on all kinds of hysterectomies, and if you don't take it easy and allow your body to heal properly, you are more likely to develop adhesions, which don't go away, are painful, and get worse if they try to fix them. I understand about the paying client, but you absolutely must rest. Two weeks is a joke; four to eight weeks is the absolute minimum for vaginal hysterectomy. Full healing takes six months to a year.

 

Your friend sounds like an angel from heaven. :grouphug:

[Truscifi]

I had a v**inal hysterectomy, so no abdominal incision. My surgeon told me to rest for two weeks (one week near-total rest and one week some activity) and then I'd be able to resume normal activities. I took those two weeks completely off, not even trying to do any work-related reading or writing. I've scheduled one appointment a day for the first week back to paying work. I don't feel like I've been foolhardy.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

When I had knee surgery they said back to normal activity in 1-2 weeks. What they really meant was back to walking relatively well. Not "normal activities" like playing with my kids or doing housework or really much of anything that involved more than just walking short distances. And that was for a fairly minor arthroscopic surgery. You had major surgery. It's going to take a while, but it *will* pass. And I'm glad you let your friend help you in the meantime.