Tiramisu Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 JAWM. My dd will not wear a normal First Communion dress. We've done our best. She tried the dresses given to us and what my older dd's have worn. None is working. She did find a rather casual, inexpensive white dress and it looks like she will wear that. We do not belong to a church where people get overly fancy but people put emphasis on the solemnity of the occasion so appropriate attire is expected. The dress will be different than what people have seen before at a First Holy Communion and different from what everyone else will wear, undoubtedly. I've been living with SPD for a long time and this is my youngest child, and this isn't the end of the world for me. I'd rather her inner disposition be right and have her be in (clean) rags. But I will still have to deal with the looks of people--if not judgmental, at least surprised. Worst case scenario. There is a slight chance she will have a sensory meltdown and not get dressed that day. After all these years, there is still part of me that wishes for normal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 I understand. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 I can't imagine any priest I know having any trouble with your DD's need for a specific type of dress, and I can't imagine Jesus would have had a problem with it, so everyone else can just stuff their judgments in a sack. Congratulations on her First Communion. I still remember wearing my sister's dress and it was a little too small and itchy. My mom made me borrow white shoes from a neighbor and they didn't really fit right either. Ugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 Hugs. My SPD kid makes his FHC next weekend. He really hates attention and they go up one at a time. Ugg. More hugs!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wapiti Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 :grouphug: for us, shoes were the hard part (literally, too hard, lol), plus remembering the brief sequence of what to do Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acadie Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 I know what you mean. SPD was part of the picture for us in the early years, but now my longing for normal is about our dietary restrictions. It's really tough when you never know what the day will bring. If only you could set aside an uneventful day for the meltdown, then when it matters opt for smoother sailing! Every kid has different triggers and I'm sure you're a pro at managing whatever aspects are manageable. It turned out food was a factor for us, and to this day I still make sure our menu is very "clean" before high stakes events. For the dress, is it a style where you could add a white satin ribbon around the waist, or sew on a bow or flower to make it special? May it be a beautiful, joyful day for you, your daughter and the whole family. Amy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 :grouphug: Most of the children I know with issues have made their First Communion privately. Is that an option? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 I'm sure her simple dress is lovely and will fit in nicely. I live in a very RC area, FC is a huge deal, but there are always simple dresses mixed in with the elaborate. I've been to so, SO many of these. There's always kids crying, flipping up their dress, hunching under their jacket, making faces as they chew the host - it's an expected part of the event. I actually don't think the sacrament is valid unless at least a few kids cause drama beforehand or misbehave during the ceremony :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 I was so stressed at Geezle's FHC, but it went very smoothly. He was the only boy in short sleeves (which were allowed but not the norm) BUT there were kids with black sneakers and cargo pants instead of dress slacks so it wasn't a big deal at all. If she'll wear a veil or allow you to pin some flowers in her hair, it will dress up even a very plain dress. T's dress was very simple because she had to wear a very elaborate veil in order to cover up some experimental hair cutting she'd indulged in a month earlier. (It's not just the SN kids who will mess with your best laid plans!!!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bensonduck Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 I made my FHC late (parents hadn't enrolled me in CCD and the church felt I should have a year or 2 of religious ed to catch up). I was older, taller and bigger than everyone else. I also did not have and couldn't find a white dress that looked First Communion-y in my size. I wound up wearing a pale green floral cotton dress with a white ribbon. Very casual. I was kind of self conscious about it but no one else said anything. I think a simple dress will be beautiful on your daughter. Saying prayers for her and your family on this very special day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan C. Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I bet she will be lovely. Neither of my dc had the diagnosis, but up until they were around preteen, neither would not wear anything that wasn't perfectly soft, no tags or seems. If we had been Catholic, dd would have had a t-shirt fabric dress on with her favorite very casual sandals... Wishing you a day without too many surprises and congratulations to you all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrn Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 I'm so sorry. I wouldn't think twice about seeing a child dressed differently during FHC. The only thing that matters is that it's her big day and that she is happy... Our church has a very strict dress code for FC. Not that the priests care, it's the head of religious education that makes the rules. I think it's ridiculous, why would we want all these beautiful, different children dressed like clones? With that said, we did talk to our priest about first communion for one of our boys and made the decision with him that he would receive his during a normal mass. The whole family went up together and the congregation didn't even know what was going on. It was lovely and perfect and we didn't have to attend any rehearsals or anything. I think we may ask to do this with all our children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 I've been an spd parent for almost 20 years. I wish for normal too. I hope First Communion goes well and your family can properly enjoy the event and not worry about judgement from others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clemota Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 :grouphug: Been there, done that. Our church is fairly relaxed when it comes to First Communion. The only dress code is that the children should "look nice." No white dresses or ties required. We've seen nice pants and dresses in all colors of the rainbow. DD still wanted to wear a white dress though, since all of her friends were. She found one she could handle (no embroidery, seams, zippers, buttons, ruffles or tulle - a simple pull-over tube style). We could not enhance it with a headband, veil, necklace or pin as they would likely drive her mad during the ceremony. Shoes were simple flats that she wore tolerated for that one time, worn with seamless white socks. She looked lovely, as yours will regardless of whether she wears the dress you have picked out or something else. This ceremony is between her and God. He cares only about her heart, not her clothing. And to Him, she is just as normal as everyone else. Praying for no meltdown that day for you, nonetheless. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
almondbutterandjelly Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 I'm sure the dress will be fine. Would love to see a picture or link to it, and then we can reassure you even further. ((hugs)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiramisu Posted April 27, 2014 Author Share Posted April 27, 2014 Thank you all. Your replies were so kind and reassuring. I appreciated all the stories you shared. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 If people are judging you or your dd over her dress, then they are kind of missing the point, and the message, no? SPD isn't all bad, it lets us be who we are w/out caving to other people's ideals of who we should be, and what we should wear, and what really matters in life. Just a different perspective from someone who can not wear dresses, or turtlenecks, or most shoes. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiramisu Posted April 27, 2014 Author Share Posted April 27, 2014 If people are judging you or your dd over her dress, then they are kind of missing the point, and the message, no? SPD isn't all bad, it lets us be who we are w/out caving to other people's ideals of who we should be, and what we should wear, and what really matters in life. Just a different perspective from someone who can not wear dresses, or turtlenecks, or most shoes. :D I love sensory moms. They help me understand my kids and myself much more. Thank you! We got lice at one 1st communion. Literally, the sibling was crawling with vermin. There is no perfect except with Jesus in heaven. Its not about the dress, but about the heart. Offer the desire for normal up, and remember normal is the setting on the dryer. Love, another SPD/ autism parent. On days when I'm feeling strong, I'm so thankful my children and the humility they've brought me. I hate to think how much more superficial and judgmental I would be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 I love sensory moms. They help me understand my kids and myself much more. Thank you! On days when I'm feeling strong, I'm so thankful my children and the humility they've brought me. I hate to think how much more superficial and judgmental I would be. Yes. Me too... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SadieMarie Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 The clothes from here are wonderful: http://www.softclothing.net/products/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ivey Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 :grouphug: Ds9 wore a plain, white long-sleeve shirt, khaki shorts and Toms for his First Communion. He looked a little like a castaway, but we really wanted the day to run smoothly, and it did! I'm sure your daughter will look lovely. I've never really understood why little girls have to look like old-fashioned brides for their First Communion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clemota Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 SPD isn't all bad, it lets us be who we are w/out caving to other people's ideals of who we should be, and what we should wear, and what really matters in life. Just a different perspective from someone who can not wear dresses, or turtlenecks, or most shoes. :D Plus, I have saved a lot of money by looking at the latest fashion trends and thinking how I could not wear it without writhing in agony. Bring on the tagless T-shirts and wide-band elastic waist pants! I like to think of it as being economically sound. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted April 28, 2014 Share Posted April 28, 2014 Let us know how it goes. :grouphug: while you wait all week for the big day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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