How do you handle it when your child is the victim of a slander campaign?

[Seasider]

Dd has been the victim of false rumors for about a week or so, since the time for filing candidate applications for upcoming student council elections. The girl that was sophomore class president, that dd beat by a landslide last year, is obviously the troublemaker and most members of the (small, private school) class can see what's happening. Elections are coming up and the old gal wants the job back.

 

Unfortunately, the situation escalated this evening when my daughter learned, through a coworker, that this girl's mother has also been working the crowd, spreading horrible rumors about my sweet daughter (and I am not biased, this is a sweet, forgiving, low drama 17 year old girl with a boatload of integrity). She usually lets things blow over easily, but she is crying herself to sleep tonight. She was ready to handle the peer problem with grace and calmness, but thinking that there is a parent also working to actively discredit her has just pushed her past the tipping point.

 

I am beyond angry. This woman is cheery and smiling to my face. I need some wise counsel about how I should be involved in this.

 

I have made it very clear to my daughter that this woman is sick - that she, my dd, has done nothing wrong - that these two are just eaten up with jealousy. But now my daughter is carrying the weight of the thought that this busy body liar has convinced all the class parents that she's a horrible kid. It suddenly seems a much bigger battle and burden.

 

What to do?

[maize]

Get a lawyer to write up a letter threatening legal action; slander is not just wrong, it is illegal.

[Anne in CA]

My ds was a target for this his last year of scouting. Someone (a council employee who is definitely up to something nasty) said some untrue things about my son to try to stop him from being an Eagle scout, all the while being kind to my face. We had to walk through quite a lot. When I think of all the work my son and I did for the council and the way we were lied to and poorly treated I could get so mad I literally shake. Unfortunately when an adult is involved such a thing is a lot harder to straighten out.

 

My son has his Eagle scout because he deserved it, and because one at a time I told the truth to receptive people, proved the truth to them, and kept my cool. That is what you are going to have to do. You are going to have to stay unemotional, and only tell the truth to receptive people. If you involve people who want to defend the other girl and her mother you will have trouble. Fortunately for me I had lots of people who had known me for years. I worked with those people, carefully. Stick to people that you know and know you.

 

I am sorry. Nothing is worse than your child hurting and they have done nothing but serve others.

[Seasider]

Anne and Patty Joanna, I am so sorry your kids had to deal with such crummy situations. You have both given me some great insight. I certainly will do whatever is prudent, I want dd to understand she has my full support.

 

DH is traveling and I spoke with him after posting this. He is angry and wants me to go to the principal. I did send an email to the class sponsor, who I hope will respond tomorrow; that response or lack thereof will be telling.

 

I have been working on a big project for the class that will be over and done with on Friday. That day I will see the other mom. I will try to be cordial and try not to interact any more than necessary - I am afraid any glitch or error on this project will be something she will try to use against my dd. I have promised my dd that I will do all in my power to make Friday's event a success and after that I will be prepared to do whatever is necessary to fight this battle.

 

I will have to investigate the legal action option - that would certainly be a surprise to the mom in question!

 

Patty Joanna, I appreciate your advice to have my dd be sure she tells me everything, and the reassurance to take it to administration. Anne, "tell the truth to receptive people" - that is good. I will take advantage of all opportunities to do just that. I will also continue to encourage my dd (as I have since the rumor mill fired up) to keep herself clear of the mud and not to sink in and get dirty by being nasty in return.

[Anne in CA]

Well, Patty Joanna, I moved out of state partly not to see the person involved, so I don't know how recovered I am, or not. But I know this person will push his luck again, it's what evil people do, and I didn't want to be there to see another person hurt because they trusted that horrible man. I warned the people I could, they did what they could, and I have done my best to move on.

[Seasider]

Question for you both - would it be worth it for me to calmly yet directly confront the rumor-spreading parent, calling her on this? Or is that just stirring up a hornet's nest and giving her more ammunition to twist to her evil use?

 

And... what is it with adults who do this, slander children? Is this a mental problem? I told my dd that yes, this woman is sick. I am wondering, though, just how dangerous she might be.

[Vida Winter]

I am grieving for all of you because it has happened to one of my dc as well. A close friend has also experienced this recently. You and your families will be in my prayers.

[Liz CA]

This woman is a little too caught up in her daughter's life and success and perhaps that why she is taking such an "active role."

Not sure that I would go to legal steps (but I have never had to deal with this) but I wonder if other parents know your dd, would they not know what lies are being spread, especially if it's a small school?

Too bad that most people have to find out how vengeful some people can be and to what they will resort just to come out on top - but we know they must feel even crummier inside even if it looks like they won. You and they know the truth!

[Seasider]

Liz, the students do seem to understand what's happening. Dd and I originally thought that once the STUCO elections come and go, this would pass.

 

But now, this woman is spreading false rumors to parents. Dd - likely because she is low drama, and has two brothers so she understands the proper way to handle herself around guys - was asked, out of the blue, to be the statistician/manager for one of the boys' varsity sports teams (not asked by the players, but by the highly respected coach - her brother is on the team). Dh believes this escalated the jealousy. This mom seems to be working on moms of team members, maybe with the idea of making my dd unattractive to any of the fellows on the team? Stupid, because dd is really like a sister to all of them, she is more into school and her job and doesn't date. While dd knows her classmates really well, she doesn't know their parents so much. That's why she is so upset - she really doesn't have any opportunity to interact with them and defend herself on that front. Fortunately, at least one guy on the team set his mom straight. I hope other students will have the same zeal and opportunity to defend my girl.

[Seasider]

Patty Joanna, many hugs to you. I am thankful for what you have shared, and so sorry for what your son endured and that it continues to cause you pain.

[Liz CA]

The mere thought of an adult doing this to a young person is sickening. This woman could be going around and encouraging the next generation. God knows they need a smile and a friendly word of encouragement. Let your daughter know that most likely this woman is very bitter and has a low sense of self esteem combined with no integrity. She is really to be pitied. It must be a hard life when one harbors so much hostility.

[momto10blessings]

What a terrible, terrible woman. Good luck dealing with her.

[swellmomma]

I would be furious and out for blood basically.  I would be contacting the school about the girl, she should be disqualified from the elections and suspended.  As for the mother I would be contacting the police.  I don't know what the laws are where you live, but we actually have antibullying laws here, when it is just kids bullying they usually try to do mediation first before giving fines or pressing charges but when it is an adult doing it they tend to go straight to fines and charges.  Also knowing myself, and since it sounds like you know this woman since she is able to be cheery to your face I would be going ape sh*t ballistic on her the next time I saw her calling her out for her petty ways.  I can put up with a lot of crap in my life but heaven help the person hurting my child.

[bettyandbob]

I do not handle such things well. I would not keep my cool, so if I were in your situation and had some project I would have find some way to get out of my part or do my part without people around. Because I would have a hard time not acting in a manner that makes the situation worse.

 

You absolutely must keep your cool in dealing with this mom.

 

I would go to the school administration. Unfortunately, I've seen some private do not deal with this stuff at all. This is a form of bullying. Our public schools have procedures that administration must follow to deal with this stuff and I have heard a few do it very well. Meanwhile I ve heard horror stories out of private schools. Some private administrators don't want rock the boat as long as tuition is being paid and if there is more money involved they definitely won't do anything.

 

That said I'd still speak to administrators. I'd explain how the actions are slander and that is a crime on its own, but I'd also tie it in to locale bullying policies. I'd follow up with a letter outlining what happened at the meeting, including any plan of action they described. Then, if there is no response I'd get an attorney to send the family and the school a letter. Slander is illegal. It is a crime.

 

I'd also have to discuss with dh how important it is for dd to stay at the school after this year. After some discussion with dh alone, we'd involve dd too. What are the pros and cons of the academic and social environment. I'd take this step because children often feel powerless in school situations. As adults we can evaluate work situations and quit or take steps toward finding new jobs, but children don't get that chance. Feeling powerless is additional damage. Your situation may not rise to this level of consideration--only you can know what the real options and effects are.

[creekland]

Do not wait until Friday or later.  Deal with this today.  The longer you wait after knowing about it, the worse it will be.

 

Step 1 is to go to both the principal (or whoever is in charge of the school) and the class sponsor you said you e-mailed.  Go in person.  You might call to set up an appt, but go in person.  This IS a big deal, and needs to be treated as one.

 

Tell them everything that has happened, including the names of people who can substantiate your story.  Get it on record.  If there is anyone else (official) you should tell, do it.  See what their response is then and there.  See what they tell you to do.

 

Our school (public) will handle this very well with guidance and admin involved.  They would investigate (quickly), and if "stuff" is true, the other gal would be out of the elections at least and with possible punishment in school too (this would depend upon whether they saw her as being at fault).  The mom could have charges pressed against her, or, pending evidence, a very stern warning.  I have no idea if your school will handle it well or not.

 

IME, the vast majority of parents/kids with personal issues are solved by very quick, stern reactions from school and/or law enforcement officials.  It becomes "real" to them at that point and they change their ways.

 

If, in any way, you are not happy with what you are hearing (and seeing), then I'd talk with a lawyer - today.

 

Confronting the mom yourself is not a wise idea.  She's already a whacko for doing this to start with and no amount of reasoning with you is going to change her.  It could give her more ammo... as she twists what happens.  Also don't pretend nothing has happened if you cross paths.  If you see her, a simple, "I can't believe what you've done, but I've taken it to the authorities to sort out" would suffice, but you have to be able to end it there. 

 

I would be telling close friends (who were involved - other parents?) what was going on and how I was handling it, but I would not be calling the entire teams parents unless they were all in that "close friends" designation.  Be careful that you don't go overboard slandering her with something you can't substantiate.  Rumors can be exaggerated, so be SURE what you are saying is true if you opt to say anything.  Don't just take one person's word for it.  That may be what the other mom has done if her daughter - or someone else - made up the stories.  This happens, and generally the other parent can feel embarrassed when they find out the truth.

 

May your school be on the ball and may it go well for you!

[Caroline]

I teach at a large public high school, so that is my frame of reference.

 

I think you should go to the headmaster and tell him what this woman is doing. Do it in person, if possible. The class sponsor simply doesn't have the authority or tools to deal with it. She should take your email to the headmaster, but may not depending on the culture of the school. She may feel like she has to deal with it herself if the culture of the school is that admin want teachers to solve all problems.

 

At my school, our campus police, who are actually employed by the police department and just stationed on our campus, would be informed. The mother would be called in for a conference with the principal, class sponsor, and at least one of our officers, both if they had the time. Usually the police officers are enough to scare people straight, but, if not, a restraining order can be made and the mother won't be allowed on campus or at school events including graduation. (We had a parent escorted from our graduation last year by the police because he had been slandering a student earlier in the year.) That also depends on the level of the offense, too, I think.

 

Please don't wait. Go to the headmaster now. The school cannot protect your daughter from this woman if they aren't informed. Now, I'm not saying that all schools will protect your daughter. I know there are many schools out there that don't take bullying seriously. I know there are schools out there that would just let this all slide. I hope your children aren't in a school like that, and that your administration will help. I assume as a private school, you don't have police officers based on campus. But I would hope your headmaster could scare this woman straight.

 

Edited to add--I agree with Creekland. Do not confront the mom yourself. She has already proven that she isn't going to do the right thing. It will only go poorly.

[Alessandra]

I can't multiquote on iPhone, but want to agree with all who referred to anti-bullying laws. Each school in my district has an anti-billing resource person who is required by state law to hadle a complaint expeditiously. Check on your state's education department web site to see what the laws are. I would want to see the school head ASAP. It would be a good idea to bring another person with you to take detailed notes, as it is hard to do that yourself and tape recording can stifle communication. Indicate that your meeting is the first step and you will follow through.

 

Tell them that you want a thorough investigation. Don't ask for the other person to be punished at this point -- the investigation comes first. If they say that they do not have the resources, you can confirm that they will not pursue it and ostentatiously make sure your friend writes that down.

 

If you want an example of good laws, check out New Jersey's. The laws apply both on school grounds and off. Reports how to be followed up quickly -- it may be 48 hours or less, not quite sure.

 

I also agree with not confronting the other mother. Old school style was to confront the bully, put both parties in a room and talk it out. This has proved time and time again to be detrimental to the one who is bullied. If this is suggested as an avenue for resolution, I would not only refuse, but also see it as a red flag that the administration is backward.

[WishboneDawn]

Question for you both - would it be worth it for me to calmly yet directly confront the rumor-spreading parent, calling her on this? Or is that just stirring up a hornet's nest and giving her more ammunition to twist to her evil use?

 

And... what is it with adults who do this, slander children? Is this a mental problem? I told my dd that yes, this woman is sick. I am wondering, though, just how dangerous she might be.

No. Someone who would spread rumors about an innocent kid is not going to respond to a confrontation in any good way. Talk to the administration, list them know you're speaking to a lawyer and then speak to a lawyer.

 

Immediately.

[WishboneDawn]

The mere thought of an adult doing this to a young person is sickening. This woman could be going around and encouraging the next generation. God knows they need a smile and a friendly word of encouragement. Let your daughter know that most likely this woman is very bitter and has a low sense of self esteem combined with no integrity. She is really to be pitied. It must be a hard life when one harbors so much hostility.

Alternately, she could have a very high sense of self esteem and have a disorder like NPD, BPD or some degree of sociopathy.

 

I don't think there's any reason to pity her. I wouldn't actively hate the woman but she has proven herself to be a predator so give her a wide berth and have the authorities (police, school, lawyers) deal with her.

[Harriet Vane]

Creekland is right.

 

Do not wait. Absolutely do not wait.

 

Do this with the administration. You need witnesses.

 

Stay calm. Assert what her actions are/have been. Assert what the truth about your daughter is. Do not stray from that no matter what else is said.

[bolt.]

I agree with all prior advice.

 

My additional tidbit is in the spirit of 'hope for the best, plan for the worst'. It is entirely possible that this is straight up malice in both mother and daughter.

 

However, in the back of your mind, try to retain the benefit-of-the-doubt possibility that the daughter might have made it up, but the mother might believe it (if the daughter made it believable)... Or even that they both might genuinely believe it, having heard it or surmised it in some sort of miscommunication or via another means.

 

I don't say that because trying to make what they have done 'ok' (it's not). However, being cool, rational and open to the possibility that its not absolutely pure malice -- that attitude invites people to take your side and look in to things for themselves. It makes you a team player trying to solve this problem, not an angry parent with an ingrained with-us or against-us vibe.

 

I hope that makes some sense.

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

Please let the school administration know about this situation.  Many school officials are receptive to act upon learning of any hint of bullying.

 

A very negative post was written about my son on one of his teammate's facebook and another teammate cut and pasted the post and sent it to the coach.  My son is so low-key and low-drama about the post that he didn't even mention it to me.  I found out about it when the coach called me personally to tell me she had be informed that a negative post was put on fb and she considered it bullying.  She said that she and the school administration had no tolerance for it and assured me that the person who posted it was taken aside and warned that she would be kicked off the team if she ever posted something like that again.  The girl who posted it apologized and was actually nice to my son for the rest of the season.

 

He is attending a public school.  So YMMV.

 

Best of luck,

K

[abba12]

I was a victim of severe bullying as a child, so that effects my perspective

 

I would go nuts on this woman. If my husband could calm me down enough to think rationally I would be meeting with the principle immediately, as in, go up to the office when I drop dd off this morning, or go call the school now immediately. As soon as an adult gets involved in bullying on the offensive side it turns a bad situation into an absolute nightmare. I know I couldn't bite my tongue if I saw her though, so you're stronger than me!

[Alexigail]

We dealt with a bully and ultimately pulled our son out of school rather than let things escalate (he was in kindergarten, so no real ties to the school like you have).  Here is what I would do in your situation:

 

1. Write a brief email to the school ASAP.  Tell them that your daughter is being bullied and you expect it to stop immediately.  Follow up in person the same day.

 

2.  Gather any proof that you have - screenshots, emails, or a laptop that can access your daughter's facebook wall - and bring it to the meeting. If it were me, I'd check out other social networks as well to see if anything has been missed.  If possible have your daughter write down what she knows about what's going on.   Familiarize yourself with the school's disciplinary policies as well as your local laws on bullying and harrassment.  Decide ahead of time what you want to happen at this meeting - generally speaking, if there's no proof I'd be asking for an investigation to be completed within a few business days.  If you do have proof, I would expect action within 24 hours.   

 

3. Be very calm and explain your concerns and expectations.  If any of this slander is sexual in nature (which I think you're implying), explain that this is bullying and sexual harassment and ask what will be done about it.  Repeat back to them any promises or commitments they make ("what I hear you saying is...")  then write it down if you agree.  

 

4. Follow up with an email outlining what was discussed and any decisions/ commitments that were made at this meeting. This is so that you have in writing what took place and what the expectations are.  

 

5.  As an aside, if you have ANY proof at all that the mother is involved in this - something online, something in writing, or a friend she spoke to  who is willing to make a statement for you - I would contact police immediately in addition to what I said above.  Slander and sexual harassment are serious business and I would never tolerate that from another adult.  

 

:grouphug:   Good Luck with this.  I really feel for you.

 

 

[Starr]

We could only wish anyone believed us. Many  :grouphug: . 

[maize]

This woman is a little too caught up in her daughter's life and success and perhaps that why she is taking such an "active role."

Not sure that I would go to legal steps (but I have never had to deal with this) but I wonder if other parents know your dd, would they not know what lies are being spread, especially if it's a small school?

Too bad that most people have to find out how vengeful some people can be and to what they will resort just to come out on top - but we know they must feel even crummier inside even if it looks like they won. You and they know the truth!

Unfortunately people have a tendency to believe what they hear, especially if it comes from someone they know about someone they don't know or don't know well. This parent has the capability to do a lot of damage, and the girl is not in a position to defend herself against an adult.

[Danestress]

You know, you could just sue her for slander or whatever other civil actions are available in your state - a local attorney could advise you. That would allow you to file discovery demands, force her to answer interrogatories, and take depositions in the record from her and of people she has maligned your daughter to. It's and expensive option, but you might want to think about it. In the end, I know you don't want money, but a public apology.

 

And no, mean people are not necessarily sick or dangerous (apart from the gossip and slander, which is it's own kind of dangerous). Some people are just horrible people and need to be shown a good reason to stop.

[Anne in CA]

I do agree with addressing the school administration ASAP, the longer gossip goes on the more it can be accepted as fact.

 

As far as talking to the mother directly, some bullies back down when confronted, so go crazy scary. It is probably a bad bet to try. If this woman had any character at all she would never have started this.

 

 

[Serenade]

Helicopter parents spreading rumors are the worst. BTDT, not yet sure we escaped intact. Our family suffered terribly at the hand of an adult making vile, false accusations about our son through the guise of her son. Honestly, I'm not sure our family will ever be the same. I hope things go better for you and yours.

[Serenade]

My ds was a target for this his last year of scouting. Someone (a council employee who is definitely up to something nasty) said some untrue things about my son to try to stop him from being an Eagle scout, all the while being kind to my face. We had to walk through quite a lot. When I think of all the work my son and I did for the council and the way we were lied to and poorly treated I could get so mad I literally shake. Unfortunately when an adult is involved such a thing is a lot harder to straighten out.

 

My son has his Eagle scout because he deserved it, and because one at a time I told the truth to receptive people, proved the truth to them, and kept my cool. That is what you are going to have to do. You are going to have to stay unemotional, and only tell the truth to receptive people. If you involve people who want to defend the other girl and her mother you will have trouble. Fortunately for me I had lots of people who had known me for years. I worked with those people, carefully. Stick to people that you know and know you.

 

I am sorry. Nothing is worse than your child hurting and they have done nothing but serve others.

Our incident happened at scouts, too. It has totally changed my opinion of the Boy Scout organization. There are many, many good people in scouts. Far more good than bad. But all it takes is one bad egg and a few others who look the other way, to bring devastation to a family.

 

We are still with the scouts, but we'll probably be changing troops, which saddens us greatly because there are many good people in our troop, but they are not enough to overcome the bad egg (or two).

[Serenade]

I am grieving for all of you because it has happened to one of my dc as well. A close friend has also experienced this recently. You and your families will be in my prayers.

Surprisingly, this seems to be fairly common. I appreciate this thread because our family has felt so alone in this.

[zoobie]

Go to school admin today. Do not confront the crazy person yourself.

 

I'm so sorry for your DD.

[Farrar]

Having worked at a small school, please go to the administration ASAP... And unless things get much worse, I wouldn't personally lawyer up. If you're in a small school where you feel a lawyer needs to be your first stop for something like this, not the admin, then you're really in the wrong small school, IMHO.

[creekland]

Is there any update you'd be willing to share?  How did the school handle it?  How did your Friday activity go?  I hope your daughter is doing ok...

[Aiden]

Is there any update you'd be willing to share?  How did the school handle it?  How did your Friday activity go?  I hope your daughter is doing ok...

 

:iagree:

[Susan in MO]

It looks like I'm a little late to the conversation, but perhaps this information will help to sort things out.  I have used the chart below successfully many times when dealing with catty adults.  In your situation I would recommend mediation or arbitration.  I have found that in situation like this, where there will be ongoing interaction with the perpetrator, it is best to gently call out the offenders and solve it with a mediator.  I highly recommend The Peacemaker (and it's chart below) as a tool in handling conflict.   This could be a wonderful opportunity for your daughter to develop strong conflict management skills.  No one wants to develop the skills, but all are better off having learned to use them.  Here is the link to The Peacemaker site.  http://www.peacemaker.net/site/c.aqKFLTOBIpH/b.958151/k.5236/The_Slippery_Slope_of_Conflict.htm .  I also would recommend litigation as a last resort.  It is an attack response and rarely results in resolution.  

[creekland]

Bumping - checking for an update...

[Seasider]

Thanks for checking on us! Things are steady for the moment but I don't have time to fully reply just now. I'll update later today.

[Harriet Vane]

Thanks for checking on us! Things are steady for the moment but I don't have time to fully reply just now. I'll update later today.

 

:lurk5:

[Seasider]

Okay, sorry to take so long to get back to this, but the days immediately following my post were stressful and busy, and I honestly just needed some emotional distance from the situation over the weekend. The information following will probably seem disjointed so please read the entire thing before responding to any one part of it.

 

So, to update... The email I sent to the sponsor was responded to the very next day, and when she responded, she had already taken the troublemaker and her little toady aside to tell them to "squash it" (her words). She said they denied it, but that it was very clear to her and others what was going on. She was very concerned about the parental involvement, that it definitely crossed a line, and that she would like to know of further developments in that area.

 

My dd has responded with grace and is definitely choosing to "be the bigger person" her way through this. The sponsor commented on this in great detail, noting that dd was taking the high road and doing it well. 

 

The only non word-of-mouth evidence I have of the mom's slanderous activities are text conversations between my dd and those acquaintances of hers that have told her their mother was approached with scurrilous conversation. So it's not like I have hard evidence like screenshots of fb pages or tweets that could be easy documentation. I do not want - at this juncture - to demand screenshots of those texts from my dd. To me it's an issue of allowing her to maintain her personal space. Also, as the parent/adult, if I needed further evidence I would personally approach them (the moms who were told falsehoods about my dd) to discuss the matter, rather than infringing on the trust between my dd and her friends (by screenshotting their personal conversations). If dd received any direct threats or lies about her posted to social media, those would be printed in a heartbeat.

 

Friday's event was a smashing success. So, a great show by dd and our family, though we have made a pact to respond to praise with the "it was a team/committee effort" (which it truly was, but we did put in the lion's share which hopefully demonstrated that we do have a certain level of commitment to this community).

 

When I showed up at the venue Friday midday, THAT mom was there to greet me. I had resolved to not mention it, but to maintain a cool demeanor that let her know I knew what was going on. I feel sure she caught that vibe. As other moms came and went throughout the afternoon, I was very friendly with each as I worked with them on each of their parts of the whole, keeping in mind that my disposition would likely be identified with my dd's, kwim? I think this was disarming to the slanderer, who was already ruffled because this was an situation she wasn't in charge of.  It was interesting - throughout the day I could tell, by the "who could look me in the eye" factor, pretty much which of them had had their ears bent. I hope that their interaction with me helped open their eyes and will lead them to doubt/consider the source.

 

Smile and represent the truth to those who are receptive - confidentially present the situation to those in authority - don't openly confront the troublemaker because who knows what would result, but let her know I am on to her by my demeanor - all those things, check. Man, it was hard. I really just wanted to yell and grab someone by the hair... 

 

As for my dd, I did tell her that (after I spent a sleepless night researching the issue) the girl's actions met the school district's published definition of passive bullying, and could be reported. Also, that the parent's actions, with documentation, could be cause for legal action. I asked her to let me know anything else that happens or that she learns about. 

 

DD really wants all of this to blow over, and believes that will happen soon, since this big event is over and the elections are just around the corner. The girl's mother had some influence/input while the project was in process, but the election stuff is students only, and dd believes everyone can see what's happening there. This perspective is supported by my son, who I asked about it quietly and separately (he also attends the school).

 

I am very proud of my girl. I watched her interact Friday afternoon, with all of these people, lovingly and without malice. She has carried herself with far more grace than I think I could muster up. I will be watching her, and the situation, very closely. Action from this point will depend on whether or not the rumor mill continues. There are, I now know, other parents who roll their eyes at the mention of slanderer mom's name. DD has dear and comforting friends and now a known adult ally in the class sponsor. So we won't go forward from this point alone.

 

So, for now, we watch and pray.

 

Thanks for all your insights, shared experiences, and continuing concern. The support means a great deal to me.

 

 

[Anne in CA]

I am so proud of you and your dd!

[dirty ethel rackham]

Thanks for the update.  What a wonderful example of grace under difficult circumstances. 

[Seasider]

Thanks for your kind words. Truthfully, I feel like there's a layer of ick inside me that needs to still be scraped out. I am hoping the next few weeks of school go by swiftly and uneventfully.

[fraidycat]

Thank you for the update. I hope the ick factor is gone soon.

[Lisbeth]

Thanks for the update. That mom is a horrible, disordered individual. I admit I would go nuke on her and make an example of her because she may do it again to others. Going nuke on her would involve the police and my vicious attorney. People like her need public shaming. But you handled it seriously well and with grace.