jenn- Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 History- The kids all started gymnastics when DD was 8. Within 3 months of starting, they asked to move her up to the team. She spent the next 4 years competing and training year round. She was an okay gymnast but not stellar and we trained her to focus on improving herself over winning (which was good because she spent most of those meets off the podium). A couple years into DD's competitions they approached me for one of my twins, but there was no way we could afford to have 2 kids on the team with the potential of a third in the other twin eventually. I finally got to a point where we decided the boys were not going to advance with our center anymore if we didn't go the team route and we started looking for a new sport. Enter Tae Kwon Do. DD was kind of forced into starting it when we did because she was free (we only pay for the first 3 family members). She was still competing with gymnastics (although it was the off season for her) and between the two sports she was tired. Then she got hurt and gymnastics was no longer an option. Fast forward 6 months after her injury recovery and guess who they wanted on the competitive squad? At the time there were 3 that they tried to get me to go that route, but again, no way can I afford it for that many kids at a time. They were really after DD and I just held them off. Now six months later they are willing to sponsor DD's place on the team. UGH! How do I say no to that! But I don't know if I really want to commit to doing the whole competition thing again. At the same time, she is talented in practice and we will never know how she would match up in a tournament setting if we never try. So I have agreed to do our in house competition in 2 weeks with the possibility of trying a larger tournament in May if she likes the small one. Since the in house tournament is well in house, they let me only pay for one of the kids and the other two are going free (the fourth flat out refused to do it). The instructor has even offered to drive DD to the larger competition and let her stay in their room (our instructor is a female and has two daughters) and bring her back, so they really want DD to try it. Ugh! Why couldn't we all suck at sports! I don't know if there is really a question here, but I just needed to write it out somewhere as I am having a hard time turning away the offer of the sponsor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Χά�ων Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 What does your DD want? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenn- Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 What does your DD want? Back 6 months ago she absolutely didn't want to do competitions again. Heck I was still having to force her to go to practices without whining. Now she is open to the idea of trying the in house competition (and makes comments about how we could practice every.single.day), but she is nervous about going up against people she doesn't know in the bigger tournament. She has a naturally shy/nervous about the unknown personality though and usually needs a gentle push to try new things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ali in OR Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Sounds like it's worth trying--see what it's like, see if the interest is there. We do club soccer with youngest, but only because we all enjoy it. Dh and I kind of fight over who gets to take her to out of town games. She loves it. It's only one kid, one sport for us. In the grand scheme of things, I don't thing competitive sports are a need. Your dd probably won't be doing Tae Kwon Do for a living, mine probably won't play soccer beyond high school. But if you all enjoy it, it can be fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 I would give it a shot. Rebecca is competitive and basically has a sponsored spot on the team. It's hard to turn that down, isn't it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 I have four competitive athletes (three in rowing and one gymnast). I think the benefits of being in competitive sports FAR outweigh the negatives. I know it's hard! All the travel, extra practices, etc. But, it's just become our lives now. It's what we do. I vote to let her try it and see what she thinks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 I vote for letting your dd decide what she wants. Some kids love competition and others prefer to simply train to better themselves. I have one of each kind and I follow their individual decisions. If she wants to try it then the in house competition sounds like a great place to start and see where it goes from there. I can tell you that having kids who are talented and motivated at anything involves lots of travel, money, and time…it isn't just athletics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 A 13 yo should be able to decide as long as it is financially and emotionally feasible for the family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenn- Posted April 1, 2014 Author Share Posted April 1, 2014 I vote for letting your dd decide what she wants. Some kids love competition and others prefer to simply train to better themselves. I have one of each kind and I follow their individual decisions. If she wants to try it then the in house competition sounds like a great place to start and see where it goes from there. I can tell you that having kids who are talented and motivated at anything involves lots of travel, money, and time…it isn't just athletics. A 13 yo should be able to decide as long as it is financially and emotionally feasible for the family. I think my bigger issue isn't really about DD. It's about not being able to afford her little brothers the same opportunity because we cannot afford for them all to compete. They are not outstanding to the point that the school would be wanting to sponsor them. This may all be a mute point as one is too young for me to even consider competing for several years, one is absolutely not interested in competing (but in theory could change his mind if his brother comes home with medals), and one that could get to the level I think he needs to be to compete if he really pushes hard this year. I guess I just feel that I have already dumped many thousands of dollars and time in a competitive sport for DD and now it should be the boys' turn. But freeish is freeish (travel expenses will occur because no way in Hades am I sending my 13yo to a contact sport competition without being there) and for now I am going to take DD's lead on this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. I wouldn't even feel guilty unless I had a kid who lived and breathed it and wanted to always practice MORE. If she's already fried from going every day, I wouldn't invest in extra stress. There ARE less expensive physical outlets. I'd be tempted to seek out a sport/activity with more longevity and less financial strain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 I would think long and hard before making a decision. It's much harder to quit than to never start. My personal view is that I would never do for one what I couldn't do for the others. Their expensive hobby may wind up being something completely different - and I don't think it's fair to subsidize only activities that are competitive. Again, that is me and others will think differently. If it's hard to afford now, it is likely to get even more so in future years. Teens seem to get a little more expensive every year! Are you keeping in mind possible expenses such as orthodontics for one or more kids? Your youngest won't be old enough to compete for several years, but that's exactly when your oldest will be in college. There's also the 'expense' of family time and relaxing at home. Some people thrive on being on the go, others wilt without enough time at home. Will everyone go, or just you and dd? What other activities will be expected? Our local gym does a LOT of fundraisers. Don't just guess what you think this will cost. Sit down with pen and paper and come up with a hard figure. Are you willing to spend it? Are there other things you would prefer to spend it on? I'm coming down hard on the devil's advocate side, because I think it's important to make these decisions with your eyes wide open. It's way too easy to get caught up in the fun and excitement of being sponsored, being on a competitive team, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenn- Posted April 1, 2014 Author Share Posted April 1, 2014 I would think long and hard before making a decision. It's much harder to quit than to never start. My personal view is that I would never do for one what I couldn't do for the others. Their expensive hobby may wind up being something completely different - and I don't think it's fair to subsidize only activities that are competitive. Again, that is me and others will think differently. If it's hard to afford now, it is likely to get even more so in future years. Teens seem to get a little more expensive every year! Are you keeping in mind possible expenses such as orthodontics for one or more kids? Your youngest won't be old enough to compete for several years, but that's exactly when your oldest will be in college. There's also the 'expense' of family time and relaxing at home. Some people thrive on being on the go, others wilt without enough time at home. Will everyone go, or just you and dd? What other activities will be expected? Our local gym does a LOT of fundraisers. Don't just guess what you think this will cost. Sit down with pen and paper and come up with a hard figure. Are you willing to spend it? Are there other things you would prefer to spend it on? I'm coming down hard on the devil's advocate side, because I think it's important to make these decisions with your eyes wide open. It's way too easy to get caught up in the fun and excitement of being sponsored, being on a competitive team, etc. The bolded definitely became the problem with gymnastics. We knew earlier than her injury that she was never going to be an elite gymnast and I wished we would have been able to move her back to regular practices, but our gym just didn't push the regular classes to the level of what she was doing on the team and she would have been bored to death. At least with Tae Kwon Do, she is low enough of a rank that if we give it a try and decide competing isn't for her, she still has a lot of ranks she can hit in regular practices. DD lacks passion for anything. She was passionate about gymnastics, but that is no longer an option. She likes going to practices now and sometimes asks to go to the adult (12+) classes, but I normally won't take her. I really think she wants to go to that particular class for a boy ( :scared: ) then to actually get more practice in. If competing gives her a drive to fully involve herself in something, then it is an option we have to pursue I think. I definitely hear you on the cost of braces. She is already in them with at least a couple of her brothers not to far from them. Luckily we have a dental school close enough that we can use them and braces aren't quite as expensive there. 3 out of 4 kids have college already paid for through a state program and a wealthy great grandma who strongly believes in education (the program closed for new applicants before the 4th one was born). The fourth has a chunk for it already, but probably not enough to fully cover. I am currently crossing my fingers that the bubble bursts before he goes to college in 10 years or he might have some inheritance by then (sad to say, but she is 91). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 I think my bigger issue isn't really about DD. It's about not being able to afford her little brothers the same opportunity because we cannot afford for them all to compete. They are not outstanding to the point that the school would be wanting to sponsor them. When my kids started their respective activities, I had no idea what expenses and time commitments would be involved. If I had known, I might have run the other way without giving it a try and I would have missed out on some of the best times of our lives. Maybe we would have had different best times doing something else. Who knows? I can say I don't regret anything. Things grew gradually and we slowly arranged our lives to allow each to be involved to the extent their interest, talent, and our family resources dictate. There have been scholarships and people interested in assisting talented kids who have helped us do some things and other times we've done without or I have worked extra hours. Do we spend the same on each child? No way. It hasn't been necessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clpretzel Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 We don't plan on spending the same on each child, not because we love them differently, but because they are different from each other. Some activities are just more expensive than others, and I don't think all of ours are naturally most gifted in the pricey activities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenn- Posted April 1, 2014 Author Share Posted April 1, 2014 I guess one advantage of this sport over gymnastics is at least they would be competing at the same event. In gymnastics the boys' competitions season started right after DD's ended and the boys had to travel all over the southeast to get to competitions. We can also pick and choose which tournaments to enter compared to gymnastics which told us which ones we would be participating in. Our instructor already said she is going to be more laid back this year with tournaments since last year they burned out some of their competitive squad (those they take to the big events vs the ones available to everyone) by pushing them to the Jr. Olympics. She said she won't do that again unless she just gets a super star through there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Χά�ων Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 When my kids started their respective activities, I had no idea what expenses and time commitments would be involved. If I had known, I might have run the other way without giving it a try and I would have missed out on some of the best times of our lives. Maybe we would have had different best times doing something else. Who knows? I can say I don't regret anything. Things grew gradually and we slowly arranged our lives to allow each to be involved to the extent their interest, talent, and our family resources dictate. There have been scholarships and people interested in assisting talented kids who have helped us do some things and other times we've done without or I have worked extra hours. Do we spend the same on each child? No way. It hasn't been necessary. This. Granted I have the one child but I make it work. We do not hit every single meet. His skates are used and whenever possible we get up early and make a day trip out of any and all meets that are 4 hours or less each way. I am willing to get up and leave the house by 4am in order to save a $100 that I would otherwise spend on a hotel. That really adds up each year. When DS traveled to a competition 12 hours away from home we camped. Food was cheaper and we spent out free time hiking rather than hitting the expensive attractions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rebbyribs Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 I'd probably do it because I have a hard time turning down any opportunities for my kids. :-P That said, it sounds like for your family, sports are for exercise and for fun and should fit into your budget. I'm hearing that your kids aren't passionate about the sport, and that you're not sure competitive Tae Kwon Do is the best use of your family's time and money. That's fine! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 My middle daughter is a competitive archer. I'm glad she has it and she loves. I only allowed her to sign up for 2-3 practices a week and one non-local competition a year. The cost in minimal. While I appreciate the benefits of competitive activities, I will not allow my child to live an unbalanced life, I will not allow my family to wrap itself around activities, and I will not allow my child to subjected to coaching with the wrong attitude. If we couldn't afford it, it would be gone in a second. If it became more than contributed positively to family life, it's out the door like yesterday's garbage. When she was younger (5-12) she was in gymnastics. We specifically chose not to allow her in a gym that was competitive because they had awful attitudes in the two local competitive gyms. The practice schedule was more than I thought would contribute to a balanced, healthy life. They had a very unhealthy view of competition, time requirements, perspective on competition, etc. We only allowed her to go to The LIttle Gym for personal development. At 12 she was done with gymnastics. She just didn't want to do it anymore. Then she was interested in archery. My youngest is in Tae Kwon Do. It could get to a competitive level and if she's interested in competition she can compete if her attitude about it is good and healthy. I won't allow more than 2-3 practices a week and I won't allow more than one non-local competition a year. My mother pays for it and if she can't anymore and our financial situation is the same as now, it's gone. If it's better and makes it an option, we'll prioritize it because it's beneficial. People manage to be happy, healthy people who can push themselves to be better and excell without paid, structured, competitive acitivities. Competitive activities can be a way to accomplish that, but if you can't afford it, it's never worth it. It's never a necessity even if a kid is great at it. It's always a choice to accpet or decline-even when it's free. No one is forced to do anything. It's also never a legitimate way to gamble on a college scholarship-better to pay a tutor and save what you would pay for classes, competition, equipment, travel, etc. in an education savings account. It's also never worth adding stress to your family life on an ongoing basis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 As far as other kids go, my two are so different. Sylvia doesn't have "that thing" at all. She likes dance, she's good at it, but if it got hard? She'd be out. She bailed from gymnastics once they started trying to get them to do pushups. As long as she gets love and some computer time, she's a happy little camper. She's fine to visit meets and she cheers for Rebecca happily. She's probably the best sibling of a competitive kid we could ask for. So sometimes it just works out that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 Is there anyway your dd could try out a tournament before committing to officially being on the competitive squad? I competed in many TKD (ITF) tournaments, and enjoyed the patterns portion of the tournaments, but the sparring portion could be pretty rough depending on the competency of the officials and how much/strong physical contact they allow. It's completely different than what goes on in practice. If there are not enough females at a tournament, they may combine weight classes and your dd could be matched against someone a lot heavier/older than she is, or younger/lighter. She may risk getting hurt more than she's ready for, or hurting someone else. Some people are comfortable with this, and some are not. While dd may love sparring in the safety and control of your own training facility, there just isn't that control in a tournament situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenn- Posted April 2, 2014 Author Share Posted April 2, 2014 Is there anyway your dd could try out a tournament before committing to officially being on the competitive squad? I competed in many TKD (ITF) tournaments, and enjoyed the patterns portion of the tournaments, but the sparring portion could be pretty rough depending on the competency of the officials and how much/strong physical contact they allow. It's completely different than what goes on in practice. If there are not enough females at a tournament, they may combine weight classes and your dd could be matched against someone a lot heavier/older than she is, or younger/lighter. She may risk getting hurt more than she's ready for, or hurting someone else. Some people are comfortable with this, and some are not. While dd may love sparring in the safety and control of your own training facility, there just isn't that control in a tournament situation. I definitely think the instructor is trying to get DD's feet wet with these two tournaments. The first one being in school means she knows everyone she will go up against. I do fear a little more that since it is a small gathering she might be paired with someone that is smaller than her and she will be too timid to spar. I hope for the bigger one to be a good taste to see if she likes it. If nothing else, she will rock forms even if she doesn't perform well on the sparring part. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 I definitely think the instructor is trying to get DD's feet wet with these two tournaments. The first one being in school means she knows everyone she will go up against. I do fear a little more that since it is a small gathering she might be paired with someone that is smaller than her and she will be too timid to spar. I hope for the bigger one to be a good taste to see if she likes it. If nothing else, she will rock forms even if she doesn't perform well on the sparring part. It's worth a try. If she really enjoys the forms, there may be opportunities to specialize there and even get involved in team forms, if that's an option. Those are really fun. I know some ladies who compete at the worlds in only team forms and they love it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linders Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Do not ask a mom who just spent 2-1/2 days watching a swim meet. I know I do this too much when I recognize not only most of our kids (200+) but also a lot of kids from elsewhere in GA/SC. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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