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Stuff that is totally legal to do to your kids


AmyontheFarm
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My adult daughter posted this on my facebook page.

http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=01JC9MNU

 

What other creative ideas have you come up with?

 

In our house, we have been known to lock computers off of the router.  Sent kids out to pitch box stalls.  And sit next to mom silently while she listens to her music.

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Actually, I hate to rain on anyone's parade, but some of those ideas are not totally legal...

 

Though, spanking still is (in every US state as far as I know)....

 

I won't even admit the worst thing I ever did (do) to my kid to deter behavior.  So far it has worked.  (It has to do with her favorite special lovey.)  I'm still not sure how much it will eventually cost me in psych bills.

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Something that in isolation is legal could also be a contributing factor to a pattern that isn't.

 

I occasionally remind my daughter that legally, the only things I have to do for her are feed her, put a roof over her head, and make sure she gets an education. And when she talks about how mean I am, 

 

Currently I make her do her own laundry, at age 10.

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I do punish my kids on occasion, but the whole idea of an entire thread dedicated to "what kind of pain and/or suffering can we legally inflict on our children for their transgressions" is highly disturbing to me.

 

That may not have been the actual intent, but it's definitely how it reads to me, especially after seeing the video.

 

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I don't punish my kids. At all. Ever. LOL. They are very nice children. So even a funny punishment thread confuses me!

This. And my kid is a heck of a lot nicer than I am.

 

I talk to him. I listen to him and find out what is happening and find out how to meet his needs and then act on that information. 

 

And most importantly, I never pull the "Do as I say, not as I do" crap so many parents do. 

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I don't punish my kids. At all. Ever. LOL. They are very nice children. So even a funny punishment thread confuses me!

 

Yeah.  Even the title of the threads makes me twitchy.  I've never had to consider if what I was doing to/for my children was legal.

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I do punish my kids on occasion, but the whole idea of an entire thread dedicated to "what kind of pain and/or suffering can we legally inflict on our children for their transgressions" is highly disturbing to me.

 

That may not have been the actual intent, but it's definitely how it reads to me, especially after seeing the video.

I am sooooo not clicking on a link to a website called GodTube. I hoped it was silly/creative "punishments." :( (Such as if my kids bicker in the car, I roll down the windows and start singing loudly.)

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This. And my kid is a heck of a lot nicer than I am.

 

I talk to him. I listen to him and find out what is happening and find out how to meet his needs and then act on that information.

 

And most importantly, I never pull the "Do as I say, not as I do" crap so many parents do.

Same here! Kid is so much nicer than me, lol. I do not punish him.

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I am sooooo not clicking on a link to a website called GodTube. I hoped it was silly/creative "punishments." :( (Such as if my kids bicker in the car, I roll down the windows and start singing loudly.)

It is supposed to be a comedy sketch, it wasn't meant to be taken seriously. She said things like writing "mommy loves you" in sharpie on their foreheads. I didn't think it was particularly funny, but it was supposed to be!

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It is supposed to be a comedy sketch, it wasn't meant to be taken seriously. She said things like writing "mommy loves you" in sharpie on their foreheads. I didn't think it was particularly funny, but it was supposed to be!

 

I know it was supposed to be, but it's still based in a desire to find creative ways to punish your kids.  

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I know it was supposed to be, but it's still based in a desire to find creative ways to punish your kids.  

 

Creative doesn't necessarily mean abusive. Sometimes when I've taken away video games for the millionth times, I feel like I could do with a little creativity.

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Wow.  When people take things too seriously, they REALLY take things too seriously.  :rolleyes:

 

The video is supposed to be a joke.  Did I personally find it funny?  No.  I think she could have thought of far better things to say - what the PP said about singing loudly in the car if the kids are bickering, for example. 

 

And I'm so glad so many people don't ever have to discipline their kids.  Unfortunately, most children actually require some guidance as they are learning the boundaries in the world.  :glare:  

 

Seriously.  :rolleyes:

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Punishment = consequences from me for doing something wrong, in my book.  

aka: getting grounded, getting the DS taken away, not being allowed to have certain privileges, etc.  

 

I'm guessing others describe it differently?  I just sort of see that as semantics.  There are natural consequences, which sometimes come into play, and I don't consider those punishment.  But if a kid is being rude to me all day, there may be no 'natural' consequences for it, and I have to actually do something.  So I take away whatever privileges (whatever they may be) = punishment.   

The only point of it being that it isn't pleasant for them.  

 

 

ETA: It didn't occur to me that some people may consider the punishments I listed above as being 'wrong' or abusive in some moral sense as well.  :confused:  I don't know...

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Yes, it was comedy. I think the pp's idea of singing loudly would fit right in. She missed my favorite--cleaning toilets. In my house, you scream, you clean. I had very clean toilets for quite awhile... And then there's the ever-popular: cleaning the chicken coop...

 

 

Ah... see... I don't use chores as punishment.  I don't really punish, per se. I do, however, believe that chores are a great way to alleviate boredom, so if I hear "moooooooommmmmmm, I'm booooooooored."  Then, as you know, on a farm, there is never a shortage of fabulously boredom-busting chores to be done!  :D

 

Surprisingly, my son has only ever been bored once.  Or, so he says.

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LOL!  Now that is funny.  I guess I would have to take Miss E in for a short haircut, because combing out the knots can cause pain.  Of course my kids will claim that brushing their teeth and various other things cause pain on any given day.  :/  Some people need a new hobby.

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I agree, people need to lighten up.  The humor wasn't to everyone's taste, but I don't believe that it's wrong to joke about discipline methods.  How silly.  I joke about "beating" all the time around my kids, and they think it's funny.  Developing a sense of humor (and ability to tolerate others' harmless humor) is important.

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I am storing away the idea of rolling down the windows and singing loudly ( I wouldn't recognize the right key if it hit me), and getting chickens just became a little more likely.  

This was a comedy sketch, and therefore was more extreme than reality.  She was also contrasting the much worse but still legal things, like packing organ meat in your kids lunch box with illegal spanking.  She wasn't giving people a to-do list.  

 

There are things that other people find hysterical that make me sick.  Like those videos of people traumatizing their kids. My boss showed me one from some TV show where they told people to tell their kids that they ate all the kid's Halloween candy.  Their little hearts broke.  I found it disturbing enough that if I were a judge in a custody case, it would be a ding against the parent who wanted to do that.   All my co-workers that saw it, mostly parents, thought it was hysterical.  Although, there had been one darling little girl that wasn't fazed, but said "That is OK, but next year let's share the candy". 

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Wow. When people take things too seriously, they REALLY take things too seriously. :rolleyes:

 

The video is supposed to be a joke. Did I personally find it funny? No. I think she could have thought of far better things to say - what the PP said about singing loudly in the car if the kids are bickering, for example.

 

And I'm so glad so many people don't ever have to discipline their kids. Unfortunately, most children actually require some guidance as they are learning the boundaries in the world. :glare:

 

Seriously. :rolleyes:

My response was light hearted and certainly less serious than the annoyance expressed in your post. In any case, I said I don't punish my ds, not that I don't discipline him. Discipline is accomplished through guidance, through direction, setting goals as well as limits, and striving to bridge the gap between criticism and encouragement.

 

Punishment is simple retribution. I don't punish ds. I've done that in the past, and all it did was damage the respect and trust ds had for me.

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It does sound like people have different definitions of "punishment."  To be honest, I never took the time to define it in my mind.  If my kids do something that isn't OK, I decide what to do about it.  I probably call it "punishment" even if others might call it "redefining limits" or whatever.  I don't think my kids really care what it's called.

 

A funny (for those who still have a sense of humor):  when my kids were tots and I had to come up with a quick deterrent threat, I'd say "if you do xyz again, you are going to be punished."  (Not sure yet what the punishment would be.)  My kids couldn't pronounce "punish."  Once my daughter said, in front of various people, "Sister, stop that or Mom's going to punch you."  LOL.

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I do punish my kids on occasion, but the whole idea of an entire thread dedicated to "what kind of pain and/or suffering can we legally inflict on our children for their transgressions" is highly disturbing to me.

 

That may not have been the actual intent, but it's definitely how it reads to me, especially after seeing the video.

Wow. Almira (and the 25+ people who liked her post) need to LIGHTEN UP. I wasn't thrilled to click on something called "GodTube", but honestly, this was all in good fun. It wasn't about inflicting real pain or suffering on our children. It was just silly fun. My goodness.

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Maybe sometimes those saying lighten up need to get serious. The title of this thread is creepy enough I wasn't even bothering with the link. There are subjects that just aren't great fodder for jokes and it's not like anyone can accuse me of not having a sense of humor either. All that you can legally do to your wife or dog wouldn't be taken lightly by pretty much anyone.

 

FWIW, I don't make my son clean the baseboards. I let him because he thinks that kinda thing is more than kinda fun because that's the kinda crazy we have goin on up in here.

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It wasn't even well-done.  I turned it off early on because it was boring.  But it was not "disturbing."

 

But I wonder if some people are reacting the way they are because it was on "GodTube" or whatever, especially those who didn't even look at the video.  Perhaps there is an assumption that religious people have this sick need to find ways to torture their kids into godliness.

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Kara, I think every family has to do what works for them, within reason.

 

I don't ground my kids, take stuff away, remove privileges etc. It's not that I think those things are immoral ( I save that word for other forms of punishment). It's more that in my family context and parenting style, stuff like that just doesn't make sense to me and so I don't do them.

 

In our family, talking things out and trying to understand where each other is coming from seems to be more effective. LOL. Maybe my kids consider the talky talky thing punishment!

 

The talking is definitely considered punishment by ds10. He asked the other day if I would just ground him so he could go to his room instead of talking about why it is not okay to complain and drag his feet getting ready and cause everyone to be late for the thing he wanted to do in the first place (I would have preferred to go to the dojo for my regular class).

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I posted this originally because I thought it was funny that my adult daughter sent it to me.  She says my "punishments" were much more creative and actually made sense.

 

For example: We live in Canada.  After reminding my kids to wear their winter hats, mitts, scarves, snow pants, boots, and even coats constantly one winter, I took to charging them 25 cents for each item not on their bodies when they went to the school bus and on the way home from the bus.

 

They happily paid up daily until they realized that it was to the tune of over $50 each!  That money was used to pay for their antibiotics when they got sick with ear infections.  Suddenly, seeing all their money being used to buy medicine wasn't so fun.  They started making sure they were properly dressed to be outside.  The pharmacist was surprised when my dd told her that I was making the kids pay for their antibiotics. When the pharmacist raised an eyebrow at me, I explained how the money was raised to pay for these antibiotics. She then told me, that wasn't fair, the kids would start to learn to be dressed better and her profits would go down! :)

 

As to the part of the video where the comedian says to make your kid an organ meat sandwich.  We eat liver and onions.  My father-in-law loves boiled beef tongue and my kids eat that next door also.  Ox-tail soup is a standard.  I won't cook the heart and eat it, but my in-laws do.  When we would butcher meat and sell it, people didn't want those parts, so it was free meat and we used it.  So, my kids would never think that a meat sandwich made from "organ meat" was strange or a punishment. 

 

I would never want to offend anyone, and I'm sorry that some of you were offended.

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LOL!  Now that is funny.  I guess I would have to take Miss E in for a short haircut, because combing out the knots can cause pain.  Of course my kids will claim that brushing their teeth and various other things cause pain on any given day.  :/  Some people need a new hobby.

 

 

I live in Delaware and so far I haven't heard of any cases in which spanking a child has caused a parent an issue with the law. The lawmakers tried to say that it is not meant to ban spanking and doesn't but because the law was worded so poorly that is what some people can and will interpret it as.  So I suppose it all depends on the judge of the first case of spanking prosecution to set precedence on what the actual law is meant to be.  So far that case doesn't exist so I suppose parents who spack need to be careful.

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I made my kid sharpen pencils once when he was younger (8 or 9 maybe?). It was a punishment for bad behavior during our school. He thought it would be great fun, but that lasted only for the first 2-3 pencils. He sharpened many more, and I honestly never had to punish him again for misbehaving.

Seriously? Man, some you have really, really, REALLY easy kids.

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I didn't watch the link. i can't watch video anyway because I live in the Land Of Limited Data. But, it does bother me by phrasing. I do agree with Lucy Stoner that I doubt it would be funny to many people if it said wife.

 

I am one who does not punish. (I did punish in the typical ways when my kids were 3yo or less - not that I'm recommending, just trying to be honest.) it may be that I am extraordinarily lucky to have such easy, agreeable kids. Maybe. But i haven't taken away videos or phones or FB, grounded, physically struck or fined (with money) my kids at all. The most recent thing I can think of that was similar was about 7 years ago, my now-teens were playing with a ball in the house and shattered a window. My husband made them "work off" the cost of a window in HARD jobs. Even with that, I wouldn't have chosen that, but he set the punishment and so I let it stand.

 

It isn't really semantics. I would never say I punish my husband for anything and so I don't punish my kids, especially the teens, because we can communicate on an adult level.

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I didn't watch the link. i can't watch video anyway because I live in the Land Of Limited Data. But, it does bother me by phrasing. I do agree with Lucy Stoner that I doubt it would be funny to many people if it said wife.

 

I am one who does not punish. (I did punish in the typical ways when my kids were 3yo or less - not that I'm recommending, just trying to be honest.) it may be that I am extraordinarily lucky to have such easy, agreeable kids. Maybe. But i haven't taken away videos or phones or FB, grounded, physically struck or fined (with money) my kids at all. The most recent thing I can think of that was similar was about 7 years ago, my now-teens were playing with a ball in the house and shattered a window. My husband made them "work off" the cost of a window in HARD jobs. Even with that, I wouldn't have chosen that, but he set the punishment and so I let it stand.

 

It isn't really semantics. I would never say I punish my husband for anything and so I don't punish my kids, especially the teens, because we can communicate on an adult level.

I mostly agree, but I do agree with natural consequences.  If my kids break a window, they'd have to make amends.  But to me that's different than punishment. 

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I like the idea of never having to punish and seeing discipline as teaching proper behavior, but I can't help but wonder how that works in reality. I agree with Geo that some of you must have very easy kids!

 

I know a woman who thought she was a great parent for the first 6 kids…then number 7 proved her wrong. I guess she decided that she had just been lucky because what worked with 1-6 didn't work with 7. She decided no more kids after that! I'm glad she told me this because it comforts DH and I. Our oldest is extremely difficult and seems immune to every sort of discipline. (I am planning to get some sort of evaluation for him once I decide what type would be the most helpful.) Our second child is very easy in comparison and people love to have him around. When I find myself wondering if I am a terrible parent, I remind myself that their natures are very different and have been since before birth.

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I am storing away the idea of rolling down the windows and singing loudly ( I wouldn't recognize the right key if it hit me), and getting chickens just became a little more likely.  

This was a comedy sketch, and therefore was more extreme than reality.  She was also contrasting the much worse but still legal things, like packing organ meat in your kids lunch box with illegal spanking.  She wasn't giving people a to-do list.  

 

There are things that other people find hysterical that make me sick.  Like those videos of people traumatizing their kids. My boss showed me one from some TV show where they told people to tell their kids that they ate all the kid's Halloween candy.  Their little hearts broke.  I found it disturbing enough that if I were a judge in a custody case, it would be a ding against the parent who wanted to do that.   All my co-workers that saw it, mostly parents, thought it was hysterical.  Although, there had been one darling little girl that wasn't fazed, but said "That is OK, but next year let's share the candy". 

 

I remember that Halloween candy videos. I can't understand how this could be remotely funny.

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I posted this originally because I thought it was funny that my adult daughter sent it to me.  She says my "punishments" were much more creative and actually made sense.

 

For example: We live in Canada.  After reminding my kids to wear their winter hats, mitts, scarves, snow pants, boots, and even coats constantly one winter, I took to charging them 25 cents for each item not on their bodies when they went to the school bus and on the way home from the bus.

 

They happily paid up daily until they realized that it was to the tune of over $50 each!  That money was used to pay for their antibiotics when they got sick with ear infections.  Suddenly, seeing all their money being used to buy medicine wasn't so fun.  They started making sure they were properly dressed to be outside.  The pharmacist was surprised when my dd told her that I was making the kids pay for their antibiotics. When the pharmacist raised an eyebrow at me, I explained how the money was raised to pay for these antibiotics. She then told me, that wasn't fair, the kids would start to learn to be dressed better and her profits would go down! :)

 

As to the part of the video where the comedian says to make your kid an organ meat sandwich.  We eat liver and onions.  My father-in-law loves boiled beef tongue and my kids eat that next door also.  Ox-tail soup is a standard.  I won't cook the heart and eat it, but my in-laws do.  When we would butcher meat and sell it, people didn't want those parts, so it was free meat and we used it.  So, my kids would never think that a meat sandwich made from "organ meat" was strange or a punishment. 

 

I would never want to offend anyone, and I'm sorry that some of you were offended.

 

But, where did the $50 come from?  Either your kids are older and have a job or you gave them money to take it away.

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Okay, so I'm going to start out by admitting that yes, I was a little overly annoyed with my initial reply last night.  

I know that this is a touchy subject for a lot of people.  I do get why some people didn't like it - like I said, I didn't think it was well done, either.  

I did, however, also feel bad for the OP because I could tell by the initial post that she wasn't starting the topic to be controversial or to say that parents should try to find any and all manners of 'legal' things that we can 'do to' our kids.  I felt like it was very quickly taken out of context.

 

And now I just have to ask because I'm honestly curious... when a child is rude, how do you handle that behavior with no punishments whatsoever?  There are no natural consequences for being rude or yelling at your mother because you're in a bad mood.  Mom isn't going to stop loving you or stop caring for you (whereas if you are rude to a friend, mom might advise against it but not punish, because there ARE natural consequences for being rude to a friend - as in, if it happens repeatedly the friend won't want to hang out anymore, etc).  Mom doesn't change her requirements because you have gotten mad - if you were asked to clean your room, and you respond with yelling, Mom just ignores it and continues to require you to clean your room.  

But at some point, there has to be a consequence for this, IMO.  Repeated attitude problems need to be dealt with.  

I get the whole 'talking it out' thing for a lot of things - I really do.  Usually talking it out is all it takes.  

And I will say that as children get older, there is much less need for any sort of punishment at all.  But remember, I don't have teenagers, people.  I have one strong willed, pre-hormonal, pre-pubescent who thinks he should be given all the rights and privileges of a really bossy adult ;) - and he's my oldest. 

He gets in trouble less and less every year.  I think that's the aim of parenting anyway, to get them to the point where they are fully functioning adults who are capable of independence.  I expect that he probably won't need any sort of 'punishment' or 'getting into trouble' for the last few to several years that he's at home.  Guidance, I think, becomes even greater than what it already is, and punishment is no longer necessary.

 

Note: I'm not saying this - or my last post - to get any sort of validation on the way DH and I parent.  I think everyone does things differently.  I'm just honestly curious as to whether behavior can actually be fixed with no consequences in situations where they don't come naturally.  So don't answer, if you answer at all, in a patronizing way, please.  :)  Thanks.

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I like the idea of never having to punish and seeing discipline as teaching proper behavior, but I can't help but wonder how that works in reality. I agree with Geo that some of you must have very easy kids!

 

I know a woman who thought she was a great parent for the first 6 kids…then number 7 proved her wrong. I guess she decided that she had just been lucky because what worked with 1-6 didn't work with 7. She decided no more kids after that! I'm glad she told me this because it comforts DH and I. Our oldest is extremely difficult and seems immune to every sort of discipline. (I am planning to get some sort of evaluation for him once I decide what type would be the most helpful.) Our second child is very easy in comparison and people love to have him around. When I find myself wondering if I am a terrible parent, I remind myself that their natures are very different and have been since before birth.

 

One reason I tend to take parenting advice with a grain of salt is that kids truly are different from each other. If I had only my first and fourth children, I would have a very calm, pleasant home at all times. As is, I have a home where one child regularly throws massive fits of screaming, hitting, biting, etc.; another child regularly reacts to parental instruction by doing the exact opposite of what he knows we want, and yet another child has a habit of teasing siblings to the point of tears. I have a very calm, non-punitive parenting style, but anyone who imagines that parents who need to use consequences as a parenting tool must be doing something wrong must indeed have very naturally cooperative children!

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Yeah, I could not parent *my particular kids* without some negative consequences (aka punishments) in my toolbox.  Maybe if I was a homeschooler, it would be different, because I'd be able to respond to things in a more immediate and direct way.  But even then, it really depends on the kid(s), and how many kids you have, and what other things are going on in your life.

 

I think there are some kids and some situations that do not require punishment.  One of mine, maybe, if she were an only child.  Some of yours, sure, I'll take your word for it.  Good for you.

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