Classically Minded Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 My dd10 has had a lot of issues with writing, especially getting her narration on paper. She read Pirates Past Noon by Mary Pope Osborne and then I told her to write a narration and she was able to get a full page down. From what she has written in the past, this is a vast improvement. Please let me know your thoughts and critiques!! Jack and Annie went back into pirate times. When they got there they played in the sand. The pirates came to the island and brought them to their ship. The map (which the pirates showed them) said, "The gold doth lie beneath the whales eye." While they were locked in the cabin, they looked at the island from the window, it was in the shape of a whale! They told the cap'n they were ready to tell him where the treasure is. They went to the island and went to the rock that looked like an eye. The sky was dark and the captin was holding them. A parrot said, "Go back, go back!" A storm started and the pirates ran back to the ship and left Jack and Annie. They went back home and the parrot came with them. The parrot changed to Morgan LeFay! She owns the tree house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incognito Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 The narration makes sense - the information is in a logical order. The details given are helpful to understanding the story. She could bring more variety into her sentence structure - change some of the "the"s and "they"s. I'd spell out captain. Punctuation and capitalization look well used. Overall, I think it is clear and interesting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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