How old is too old to have kids?

[HappyLady]

My father was 45 when my mom had me (she was 26) so in the back of my mind growing up I knew I wanted to be much younger when I had kids.  It didn't quite work out that way and I had my DD at 33 and my DS at 36.  With my DS, my doctor made me feel like I was 60 and having a baby.  He wanted to induce me 3 weeks early because he said at my "advanced maternal age" my placenta was deteriorating and I was putting the baby in jeopardy.  I didn't listen to him because I knew I was in perfect health.  In hindsight, I should have changed doctors.   :glare: Anyway, my DS turned out to be a handful so I knew I was done after him.  My DH finally went and got the big V a few months ago and it figures because my DS has pretty much done a 180 with his behavior (he's 3.5 now) and is just the cutest thing ever.  I don't think at 39 I could have been convinced to have another one, but at 38 I might have.  :)  I just feel like I'd be too tired to really be the mom I'd want to be at my age.  I can't go through the sleepless nights again.

[catz]

I know many wonderful older parents. My husband was 38 when we had our first for that matter (he is 8 years older than me). If you feel like you can, you have the mental, emotional, financial resources for it, then go for it!

[abba12]

Actually, it occurs to me, some close family friends of ours have an interesting child/age situation. She had 3 boys, now all in their 20s. She and her husband split up and later on she has remarried a man who I think is about 12 years younger than her. I believe he is actually closer in age to her eldest son than to her. They decided to have children of their own, so she had 3 more with him. I am not sure of her exact age but I think she is beyond 50, with the younger set being ages 12-7. She would have gone for one more if she thought she could (all 6 were c-sections, doctor told her no way). Her age plays less of a factor now because she works while he stays home and homeschools the kids, but even so, she's quite full of energy for her age, despite multiple serious health issues. It can certainly be done!

[Berta]

Well... if you will be in the diapers at the same time as the baby, then you're too old!

 

Seriously, I birthed my oldest at 22 and adopted my youngest at 42. I honestly feel I am a much better parent now then when my older kids were little. I would LOVE to adopt again (I'm 48) but I can't convince my DH that five really isn't too many kids.

[Mommee & Baba]

I'm almost 32 & expecting our grand finale...baby #4! My dh is almost 44 & he was done with the last child. I wanted one more and it didn't take much convincing.

 

Now with all that said...wow do I feel "too old for this pregnancy thing"! My body and my energy levels are typical for pregnant women but I can feel my age more if that makes any sense? For me personally I can't imagine having another child after this baby now that I've experienced pregnancy in my early 30's.

 

Personal preference for sure.

[wapiti]

I had #5 at 40 and my surprise #6 at 41.  My oldest was 8 at the time.  It didn't seem "too old" at all - seemed perfectly normal.  Reading some of these posts makes me feel old  :huh:

 

As long as I'm not kept up late by my oldest and simultaneously woken up in the middle of the night by the younger ones (which is rare now that the youngest is four and a half), I'm ok  :tongue_smilie:

[HRAAB]

I was 40 when my youngest were born.  For me, that was definitely the end of the line.

 

My mil had her last one at 44.

 

For some people maybe 35 will be that age.  It depends on so many thing: health, finances, spacing of the other children, etc.

[MrsJewelsRae]

I'm 34 and I had my oldest at 22, middle at 24 and my youngest at 29. I have several complicating factors that make getting pregnant extremely difficult- endometriosis and PCOS with IR, as well as high risk for miscarriage (3), getting pregnant has been a struggle and we've needed help each time, especially with my 3rd. I always dreamed of having 5 kids or so in my twenties, I figured we'd be done after our third miracle. We went through so much to get him and I vowed I'd never put myself through it again, it was emotionally very difficult. I changed my mind. ;) We went back to the RE when he was 2 and did it all over again, but nothing worked. My youngest is now 5 and I've pretty much come to terms that we're done. If I could dream- I'd love twins! I love all things baby- the pregnancy, maternity clothes, newborns, cloth diapers, breastfeeding, toddlers, preschool, etc. Babies are just too wonderful to only have 3! ;) I love being a mom. :) cutoff is different for everyone, I was a young mom and I like that, I'd like to be done by 35 but if God gave us a big surprise at 40 I'd be shocked but certainly not disappointed, though I wouldn't plan to have another at that age for myself.

[texasmama]

We had a surprise baby when I was almost 39, and I felt done after that. But if she had been my first baby, I would have tried for one more. I did not feel done until baby number four. I knew we were not all here yet. :)

 

Also, I have hard and uncomfortable pregnancies and lightening fast, uncomplicated births. I could birth all day, but you could not pay me to be pregnant again!

[umsami]

Our first child was born right after my 35th birthday.  Our fourth child was born when I was 42.  Each time, I got pregnant easily--so in a way, I viewed that as my body saying it was still viable.  I'll admit I was more nervous regarding #4, vs. #1…but DH and I had already discussed what we would do should a child have Down's syndrome or what not.  

 

I'm done, though.  It's not my age (45), it's just I'm too tired to have another.  Four kids is enough for me. I look forward to older kids.  I feel our family is complete.

[AmandaVT]

Interesting that this topic was posted today! I'm almost 37 and have been wondering this recently. I had DS at 31 and we've been trying for a second for almost 4 years now. I just got my period today so another month has passed with no pregnancy. I've been wondering if I'm too old now, and am heartened by this thread! Thank you. :-)

[Snow]

I had my first at almost 30 and my second at 34. I often wish I had started earlier because I do think I would have had a bit more energy, but that's not the only important thing. If I really felt like I needed to have another, I wouldn't let age stop me.

[Desert Strawberry]

I have been thinking about this all day. I think that it would be reasonable to adopt at a much later age than giving birth would be possible.

If we were to adopt, it would be from the foster care system. I think it would be better to give a child a home and a family, even for a relatively short time, than for the child to never have a forever home. As long as the parents are reasonably healthy and capable, adoption would be fine with me.

I have Heard of sort elderly people adopting teens. Not only do the kids get a permanent home where they are loved, but a whole family of older siblings, little nieces and nephews, cousins, aunts, uncles. A family isn't just parents and children. It's so much more.

[milovany]

My great-grandmother was 52 -- 52!! -- when she had her last baby.

 

Oh, yay!  There's hope!  :D

 

[DawnM]

I was 37 when my youngest was born.  He was adopted, but still……

 

I am most certainly DONE.

[aggieamy]

I was 37 when my youngest was born.  He was adopted, but still……

 

I am most certainly DONE.

 

This almost exactly.  I'm 32 and DH is 39.  DS is adopted and is 3 months old.  We're done.  When we started trying to adopt three years ago we wanted more but at our ages we're looking forward to a different stage in life.  Before DS was born we traveled across Europe with backpacks by train with DD (9 yos).  That was a lot of fun.  We're looking forward to diapers being done and traveling again.

 

Also DS is such an amazing baby that we figured there's no way we could ever end up with another one just as awesome.   :laugh:

[lea_lpz]

Another vote for menopause :)

 

I think enless you have serious medical issues of your own or high risk pregnancies, that if you try to keep fit & healthy your body will let you know when its time to stop.

 

So if a healthy, fit woman is still able to conceive in her 40's and has had healthy previous pregnancies and children I wouldn't see it as problematic. I imagine if your healthy enough to conceive you will likely have another 20+ years of good health. Of course things happen we can't predict but we have to keep living!

[lea_lpz]

My great-grandmother was 52 -- 52!! -- when she had her last baby. That was in 1944.

 

I feel like such a slacker.

Mine had her 16th at 48. All healthy, home birthed babies with no complications. She is 102 years old. She is still mobile and mentally alert and needs minimal help to function daily.

[alef]

My mom and MIL both had their last right about age 45. So I can imagine having a baby then, but it would depend on several factors including fertility and general health.

[Χά�ων]

Very individual matter. I know someone who had her first of 3 kids around age 40. For me, 40 would probably be the upper limit even if I was in great health and never had a complicated pregnancy. For some people the age might be as young as 35. That's about the time the incidence of complications starts rising.

I thought you adopted your girls when you were 42. ? Or do you mean to concieve and carry?

[Seasider]

Menopause?!! I am over fifty and have yet to have regular cycling cease. I certainly don't want to have a baby at this age (though I am thinking a cuddly grand baby isn't too far off and that would be fine).

 

I was over forty when I had my last. Wouldn't trade that child for the world. I had more energy with my first at 30, but more time and perspective now for smelling the roses.

[happypamama]

I am almost 37, and my fifth is a few months old. I can't say as I'd really mind another baby in a couple of years. I've had easy pregnancies, a few more aches and pains with my later ones than with the ones when I was 24 and 27, but not anything major, no serious health issues, and the deliveries and recoveries were easy. And I have tons of helpers. I guess I'd say menopause would be my limit, but I think DH thinks five is right for us.

[xixstar]

I used to think 25, lol. But that was with havingy first at 15 and wanting several. Had my second 13 years later. So now I am thinking, eh, whenever. But DH is more concerned about age being 12 years older than I am. Parenting has tired him a lot more than expected but now that the youngest is almost 4, it is getting easier.

[Meriwether]

Also, I have hard and uncomfortable pregnancies and lightening fast, uncomplicated births. I could birth all day, but you could not pay me to be pregnant again!

This is me, too! I'd rather go through labor 5 times each pregnancy than have morning sickness.

[Elisabet1]

I really think I probably should not get pregnant when I am 70 or 80 yrs old. 

 

Seriously though, I had a baby at 41 yrs old and I would be open to having another.

[Scarlett]

Once our oldest had a baby of his own, I knew in my heart we were done. It wasn't an age, just an internal peace with being done.

I had a moment like that too.....I was so thankful for the peace that came.....wanting a baby and not being able to have one is very distressing.

 

I had my son at age 35. I would have been thrilled to have another for the next five years.....so I think 40 might be my personal limit.

[Serenade]

For me, I set my cut-off was 42.   I had my first at 36, and I my second at 39.  I'm glad I had my second when I did --  I really wanted two, and I would have kept on trying for a few more years, but I'm glad I didn't have to.  I am 50 now, my husband is 53, and I worry a lot that one of us, at least, will live until the youngest is 18.  We have 7 years to go.  I hope we can pull it off....  Despite all of the advances in medical care, 60s still seem to be a time when people's health starts to decline and contemporaries start dying.

[foxbridgeacademy]

I'm 39 and could easily see myself having another one.(if I hadn't irrevocably made the decision that I was done 8 years ago I would have had at least 1 or 2 more).  A friend of mine just had her 4th at 42 and they're all doing great.  My mother had my brother at 37/38, I was 20.  Soooo, I think first I would talk to the doctor, make sure I knew all the risks (do some googling).  That way I would know as much as possible going in.  I would never worry what others think/say (even my mother but then she knows better).  They aren't the ones who will be raising the child.  I do know that if your heart is set on it you will always regret (I do about 50% of the time) not having more.   The best advice I could give is to make sure that you take care of your health, babies take so much out of us when we make them and we don't have as much time to repair the "damage".  

[BlsdMama]

I'm 37- this is my 14th pregnancy, 12th child. I don't have the energy I once had but perhaps patience, wisdom, or experience makes up for that? ;)

 

My mother tied her tubes after my sister as she was simply "far too old" at 32, lol. She is completely sincere that I'm too old. It's amusing to me.

[Bear23]

Number 4 may hopefully be here with in the year. I will be 36 this year.

[Rjmakmom]

From the time I was a kid I always knew I would have kids young and wanted to be done by the time I was 30. I got married at 19 and had my 1st 2 days before my 20th bday, 2nd at 23, 3rd at 24, 4th at 29 and 5th at 30....she got in just under the wire ;)  I am 38 now and spent the last 5 months watching a baby. She was 4 months when I started, and 9 months when I stopped...I remember it being easier 8 years ago. lol

[simplemom]

Haven't read the other posts, but in the Bible it says Abraham was as good as dead when Isaac was born. I don't want to get into a discussion about the Bible, but that's what popped into my mind when I read the topic of this post :)

[kiwik]

I had my first at 38 and second at 40. I would have had another at 42/43 if I had been with someone. Now at nearly 45 I don't think I could go back there unless I had an awful lot of physical, financial and emotional support.

[debi21]

I just turned 38 and continue to debate whether I'm done or whether I want to try for a third. I had my first at 33 and second at 36. I have medical issues and although the kids are fine, baby #2 had frequent heartrate decelerations during my twice weekly NSTs and was induced early - so the second pregnancy terrified my husband. I love my two sons so much, but I do have a hankering for a little girl. I think being pregnant at 40 / delivering by 41 is the latest I would possibly consider.

 

[Guest]

Just a PSA: Menopause is not an on/off switch. Fertility declines precipitously in our 40s. The celebrities you see having children in their late 40s and 50s are usually not biologically related to their kids and are spending more money on assisted reproduction than most ordinary people can afford. There is a HUGE difference between TTC at 40 and TTC at 45, and while I certainly wouldn't discourage a likeminded married couple from putting the pills and condoms in a drawer and hoping or praying for a miracle, please don't wait until it's too late or too much of a financial burden on your family.

 

Amysue, your mom will come around and love her new grandchild every bit as much as my parents love little ds. It's not her decision to make, it is yours and your DH's.

[Varkeyachan]

When I got married, I was 45. My wife was 33. The reason I got married so late was because God told me to wait. This was a very long and hard waiting time. But God gave me His grace. After the wedding during the first week itself, my wife became pregnant. God gave me a dream about this. No time or opportunity to go into all those things. In due time she delivered a healthy boy child. From then on, we continued to have 6 more boys. All natural birth, all perfectly healthy. We had 7 children in 10 years time. After this she never became pregnant again. Completely natural. All by the grace of God There is nothing impossible or difficult with God. 

[Reefgazer]

As long as you are in good health, when Mother Nature doesn't let you have any more (which is to say, for as long as you can get naturally pregnant).  I had both of mine in my 40s; it was an excellent experience and I appreciate that I had more patience, money, and time to devote to the kids as an older mom.  I had easy pregnancies and didn't lack for energy then, either.

[JonesinIndiana]

This is an old thread

[3 ladybugs]

I went into menopause at 32 (chemo). My father adopted his last child at 54 11/12 (about 3 weeks shy of 55). Granted that child was 3 25/26 (2 weeks shy of 4) 

 

Age is a number and I don't feel anyone should have the right to say to anyone that they can not have a child provided they can provide for said child. I personally cheered when Elton John had his 2 babies, and it sounds like Mick Jaggar is going to support his 8th child and he is in his 70's (right??). 

[Desert Strawberry]

To update this thread from two years ago:

I did have another baby at 38. My pregnancy was OK. Her birth was awful, dangerous, and terrifying. She is OK. She is 20 months old, underweight, short statured, developmentally delayed, visually impaired, with a mildly deformed shoulder. She is healthy and will live a long, normal, healthy life, as far as we know. Extensive testing and a large team of specialists have not been able to determine any significant overall diagnosis.

For me, clearly, I'm done. I'm still recovering from her birth.it was rough, and caring for her has been difficult.

I am so very glad that we have her. We were not trying, and actually were avoiding, but she slipped through, little miracle that she is.

I am 40 now, and still fertile. I absolutely do not want to be pregnant again, ever. I'm diabetic, I have had hyperemesis, and hypertension. Luna is not the healthiest. I can't possibly face doing this again.

I am done.

[Janeway]

I was almost 45 when my last was born. I would have had more if it had happened. Now I'm out of baby mode.

Ditto. I am 46 yrs old now and have a one year old. I love it. I would love to have another even now. 

Edited August 28, 2016 by Janeway

[heartlikealion]

I agree it's going to vary from person to person. My mom was 41 when she had me (no complications. I was the third, they had wanted a third but had given up trying before I came along so it's not as if they were TTC at that particular age). For me personally it's not so much about the age as it is all the stuff that comes with having another child. I will admit there were times when I liked having older parents and times where I hated it. Someone saw a photo of my dad once and asked if he was my grandfather. I think that was high school. I know it is superficial, but because I was the child in that situation I do think about that as an adult as well. Mostly I think what matters is not the age, though. It's all the other stuff.

[heartlikealion]

This is an old thread

 

Oops!!

 

 

 

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

To update this thread from two years ago:

I did have another baby at 38. My pregnancy was OK. Her birth was awful, dangerous, and terrifying. She is OK. She is 20 months old, underweight, short statured, developmentally delayed, visually impaired, with a mildly deformed shoulder. She is healthy and will live a long, normal, healthy life, as far as we know. Extensive testing and a large team of specialists have not been able to determine any significant overall diagnosis.

For me, clearly, I'm done. I'm still recovering from her birth.it was rough, and caring for her has been difficult.

I am so very glad that we have her. We were not trying, and actually were avoiding, but she slipped through, little miracle that she is.

I am 40 now, and still fertile. I absolutely do not want to be pregnant again, ever. I'm diabetic, I have had hyperemesis, and hypertension. Luna is not the healthiest. I can't possibly face doing this again.

I am done.

 

 

It's so odd when old threads get dredged back up.  I skimmed through to see if you might have left an update seeing it reappear in the chat room.  

 

I'm so sorry to hear how hard this has been- both a scary delivery and now the challenge of a special needs child.   :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug: I wish you and your family and especially your little girl all the best.  

[Shellydon]

I look at it from the time the youngest would be out of the house.  I didn't want to be 60 with an 18 year old.  I knew that by the time was 55 or so, I would want to be done with kids.  I have many friends with either lots of kids, or kids with large age ranges that are regretting not being able to be a actively involved grandparent because they still have several kids at home themselves.  I didn't want that.  For me 35 was it. 

[JennSnow]

Sigh..this post is timely for me!  My husband and I have been pondering the "should we have one more.."   question for a while now.  I was 26 when I had my first and 35 when I had my second.  I'm 40 now and would love to try for one more...maybe a girl :).  My biggest concerns are the higher risks of chromosomal abnormalities as well as the actual pregnancy, labor, and recovery.  I read somewhere that by age 40 95% of a woman's eggs are "chromosomal abnormal"...that number scares me...

[ktgrok]

Sigh..this post is timely for me!  My husband and I have been pondering the "should we have one more.."   question for a while now.  I was 26 when I had my first and 35 when I had my second.  I'm 40 now and would love to try for one more...maybe a girl :).  My biggest concerns are the higher risks of chromosomal abnormalities as well as the actual pregnancy, labor, and recovery.  I read somewhere that by age 40 95% of a woman's eggs are "chromosomal abnormal"...that number scares me...

 

I think the percentage is pretty high even in young women, actually. I will say, although it is no guarantee of course, that DHEA and CoQ10 have been shown to reduce chromosomal problems in older women. In fact, it brings it about back to the same as a young woman. Research shows that it also reduces the chance of miscarriage by half, down to "normal" levels. Something to look into but again, there are no guarantees. 

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[JennSnow]

I've just recently begun looking into this!  I think it was actually one of your posts that got me looking into it :). Do you mind sharing what supplements/dosages you used when preparing to conceive? 

[ktgrok]

I've just recently begun looking into this!  I think it was actually one of your posts that got me looking into it :). Do you mind sharing what supplements/dosages you used when preparing to conceive? 

 

 

Sure! I took 75mg of DHEA a day, split into 25 mg doses..one at breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And I took 600mg of CoQ10 a day, 200 mg with each meal. There is some hype on the internet about taking the more expensive ubiquinol vs ubiquinone, but in all actuality your body converts them back and forth constantly and I could find no actual evidence that one is better than the other. In fact, some studies showed better absorption with the cheaper version. I also took fish oil, multivitamin, calcium/magnesium, etc. 

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[TranquilMind]

I'm curious what ya'all think. We are considering trying for another. Just the other day, while attending my cousins baby shower, my mom blurted out "now don't YOU get pregnant, you're too old!" And, I had previously told her we were done, even had a big garage sale, etc. So, she thinks we're done and has no idea we're even thinking about another. She will just die, but that's another thread.

 

So anyway, what's the oldest you'd feel comfortable getting pregnant again?

 

You are too old when menopause occurs.  Before then, anything can happen. 

 

I wish I could have another, but honestly, unless I'm Sarah in the Bible, it's unlikely to occur. 

Edited August 28, 2016 by TranquilMind