Menu
Jump to content

What's with the ads?

Meadowlark

How old is too old to have kids?

Recommended Posts

I'm curious what ya'all think. We are considering trying for another. Just the other day, while attending my cousins baby shower, my mom blurted out "now don't YOU get pregnant, you're too old!" And, I had previously told her we were done, even had a big garage sale, etc. So, she thinks we're done and has no idea we're even thinking about another. She will just die, but that's another thread.

 

So anyway, what's the oldest you'd feel comfortable getting pregnant again?

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I really think this is going to vary from person to person.  I don't have a cut off in my mind. 

Too old I guess would be when a person can't physically have kids anymore.  But those people might also adopt.  Then health might factor into it.

 

 

  • Like 7

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it just depends on the individual. People are too different.

 

I think I am done, I am 39, I had ds 5 years ago but it was a terrible pregnancy and if I get pregnant there is a 50% chance of it happening again. I don't know that I want to try to dodge that bullet again, we were extremely lucky.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Very individual matter.  I know someone who had her first of 3 kids around age 40.  For me, 40 would probably be the upper limit even if I was in great health and never had a complicated pregnancy.  For some people the age might be as young as 35.  That's about the time the incidence of complications starts rising.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm 41, but I am way done. My youngest is 12. I enjoy a certain amount of autonomy and time with my husband that I'm not willing to give up at this stage in my life.

  • Like 7

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah I'm now 39 and I can't imagine having another kid.  My pregnancies were awful.  But I have a cousin who is having her first kid at 38.  She has been trying all this time so I'm very happy for her. 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I guess if I were thinking about having another one (due to cancer and related botched surgeries, that isn't an option so we are happy with two), I would want to feel comfortable within myself as to whether I was still young enough to reasonably safely conceive, still young enough to keep up with children in their early years, etc. but mostly I would also want to be certain that they wouldn't be dealing with my health issues as I age if they were still only in their teens, etc.  And that would really depend on the person. My grandfather and grandmother were in their 40's.  No issues.  But they were healthy and took reasonable care of themselves.  They lived into their late 80's/early 90's.

 

I do know a person who remarried fairly recently who is 35 years older than his bride.  They had a baby, but by the time she was two, he had had a stroke and can barely move around.  She is younger by far, but already in her early 40's.  The child will probably end up without a dad fairly soon.  And because mom doesn't take care of herself at all, I wonder what her health will be like by the time the child is graduating high school.   

 

Best wishes!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

For me? 35. I am no where near the energetic young thing I was in my 20s, and now in my 40s I'm tired, darn it. I would feel guilty if I'd had a child any older than 35, because I am just not the fun mom I was then.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm 37 and pregnant with our tenth. I personally think menopause is not an accident and is the obvious time to stop birthing children. I also know that careful care to ones health is needed as one ages. Except for genetic abnormalities that do increase with age(but most drastically after age 45) older moms have issues in pregnancy related to issues in their health in general. Such as blood sugar/diabetes and existing high blood pressure.

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was 41 with the last one, and walked 1-6 miles per day throughout the duration of the pregnancy until I started having strong contractions in the last two months and had to pretty much sit on the couch. Granted, this baby had shoulder dystopia, but I found pushing to be much more exhausting than when I was 31 with the first child. The first few months of sleepless nights were more difficult too, but I got through it. I would say 45 is my personal cut-off point.

 

As An older mom, I have had a lot more patience and willingness to just enjoy the moment than I did with the first baby.

 

I had a fun time on Wikipedia the other day reading about some of the 50-60 year-old women who have had babies, though. :)

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We did the same thing ~ had what we thought would be our last baby, gave away all of our baby gear and decided (at age 41) that we really wanted one more. We didn't tell anyone until we were starting the second trimester and we shocked many folks...including my Mom! I have always had easy pregnancies and my midwife was very supportive. I think it is really what ever you feel comfortable with. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

For me, 35 was the cutoff.  I had my last when I was 34.  I am pretty tired now, I can't imagine adding a newborn into the mix.  My dh has finally scheduled his big V so I can stop worrying about it. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

For me? 35. I am no where near the energetic young thing I was in my 20s, and now in my 40s I'm tired, darn it. I would feel guilty if I'd had a child any older than 35, because I am just not the fun mom I was then.

I worry about this. I do feel more tired etc but I have a strong love for little children and honestly get so excited to do things again with my younger set so I feel I will be ok. Just this am I started reading the little house books to them(again for me and prompted by recent threads!)and realized several of them haven't heard homer price an can't wait to read that again. I can't really figure out what my youngers could be missing. I still get down on the floor and play and snuggle on the couch etc. we go to park days and homeschool coop. I don't do the library. Ugh. the library and i don't get along but we have more money then we did when the olders were young and so therefore have lots of books!

 

Watching the bond between the oldest ones and the youngest ones make it all worth it. Just today my oldest came home from his CC classes and the 15 month went running for him and gave him a huge hug and clung to him. My oldest trotted him upstairs chatting with him and just generally being cute with him. My second oldest set up a surprise at lunch for the youngers (pretended to serve them happy meals). I remember those moments when I'm tired and it makes it all worth it.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I had my first at 20 and my last at 39. There was a moderate difference in my ability to tolerate (non-complicated) pregnancy starting at around age 29. My last 4 pregnancies were were tougher than my first three, but they didn't get progressively worse, really. I had some mild blood pressure issues with my last three pregnancies (all in my 30s), but outside that no further complications. When my last was born, it was like my baby-wanting hormones were surgically removed. No more cravings. I could handle a pregnancy now at 44, but I wouldn't want to.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I used to say no older than 30 for me, personally. But now I'm 30 and I'd really love more. I'd say it really depends on the situation and person. I know 45 year olds who would put 20 year olds to shame in patience and health.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My DH was in his 40's when we started having kids (and I was almost 30), so for us it wasn't as much my age as it was the fact that we wanted to be able to actively parent our children all the way into adulthood and be there for them as adults.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

For me, I might've been too old when I had the first one, LOL (30). My BFF had her first at 37 and is doing fine. My mom had me at 21 and my youngest sister at 45, and she said there was a huge difference in her energy level in dealing with a toddler.

 

But to me, what's more significant is how well you can rely on being healthy for the next 20 years. Some people in our family have had dramatic changes in their health in their 50s, and that does factor into DH's and my thoughts on our ages and having kids.

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

80? I'm thinking of the guy I worked with who once mentioned his dad had died when he was 2yo. We were all a bit sad for him but he told us his dad was 80yo when he was born. :ohmy:

 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Me personally? 35. (I was done at 30.) Anyone else? I don't think I have a strong opinion. Whenever a baby is brought into the world and is well taken care of and loved, I'm happy. I don't really give too much thought as to how young or old the parents are.

  • Like 6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am 34, and I cannot imagine having time to be pregnant now, because my kids are older. We are planning to adopt two babies though, so it is really just the pregnancy thing lol. If you are happy to have another, then you are not too old to have another. :)

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm 42 . I'm totally done. But it isn't because I think I'm too old. I was done at 32 when my son was born. We just didn't want anymore children. I think it all depends on the person/couple, much more than the age.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

One thing I'd keep in mind is that healthcare might continue improving through the decades. As an older mom -- I had my twins at 38 -- I try to comfort myself w/ that thought. My biggest sadness is that I'll be "old" when they're just 40.

 

Alley

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it depends on too many factors

 

How far apart from other children is too far for you

How much money do you have (it is one thing to not be able to retire when you are literally too tired to work, but cannot because you have a child to support)

Family history-- DH's dad died at 54-- he is 50 now and DS is only 8-- that weighs on me-- I would have a hard time having another baby knowing I had a good chance at raising it alone.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been ill since my late teens, early twenties, so avoiding health problems was never an issue.  I've raised my kids while in chronic pain and it's gone ok.  We adapt.  I had  my kids at 35 and 39.  My mom had me when she was 39.  She was a great mom.  I never had the ski trips that my siblings had but I had other great experiences with them.  It  helps that my family has long living genes.  My dad is 92 and my mom is 88 and both are still active and engaged in life.  

  • Like 6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was not so much worried about pregnancy. I was more worried about parenting an active teen at 60. DH would be even older. And I was worried about the physical, emotional, and financial requirements of raising a child with special needs - not necessarily due to maternal age, but just the knowledge that some kids need more help or even life long help for various reasons. I just didn't feel able to take that on, but many do it very well. So I chose for me but would never say my limits are universal.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's personal. I used to think that I wanted to be done having kids by age 25. My reasoning was that my husband and I had our older son pretty young and that if the kids were graduating in our early 40s we would still have a lot of youngish years left ourselves. Secondary infertility erased this idea completely though. I was 28 when our younger son was born. Now we are 33 and both of us would like another child somewhat soon but not immediately. Financially and work wise it is prudent for us to wait a bit as we have voluntarily dipped in income for educational opportunity. I don't think that we will wait 5 years, but I can't count on conceiving and carrying to term just when I want though. I wouldn't use extraordinary fertility measures either. We will see.

 

I think that it is a personal choice. I know some moms who have had their first children in their 40s and while that is not what I would want, who the heck am I to say what is best for them.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I refuse to worry about it too much. Several older couples we know stopped having kids but ended up raising their grandchildren from birth to adulthood. As long as the children are loved and cared for.... :coolgleamA:

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The oldest I would have felt comfortable is 38-40.  As for how old is too old, I would say the cutoff is menopause.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am still in my twenties and we plan on being done with 4. part of that is space. and as we've had some minor health issues with one of my kids, getting to appointments is difficult with 4. there are also things I would like my olders to be able to do but we can't because we have a little ones in tow. financially we are also stretched pretty thin. But, when we first got married, I told him I was done at 35. a lot can change between now and then. we would both like to adopt, so I think it's anything that is what we will pursue in a couple of years.

 

but if I have a friend who is having a baby that may change my mind... baby fever and all that :-)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Menopause.    There are exceptions going either direction, but in general, menopause is the extremely obvious answer that ALSO makes sense.

  • Like 7

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm 47.5 and I'd have another one if I could.  So far, no go.  My last pregnancy was six years ago, when I was almost 42.  I find the tradeoff worth the tiredness, and I have a bunch of helpers (seven, plus my husband).  I'd especially love to have another girl!  My last two are boys and boy howdy.  Glad we had two boys together at the end -- they use each other to burn their energy.  :D

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My younger son was a surprise at 38. Like a pp I think I have more patience and can enjoy him more than I did DD whom I had at 32. I don't feel the same need to please others by doing everything just so. I don't need to feel like super mom. Not sure if that's the result of age/wisdom or just the difference between first and second children. 

 

But I also don't have the same energy as I did with my first.by the end of the day I am DONE. I also am ready for a bit more adult time than having a 3yo allows. Day trips to the park/zoo/farm are losing their appeal these days. Would greatly prefer an afternoon at a museum and lunch in the cafe. It feels like by the time I get to do this I may be too old to enjoy it as much.

 

eta: I don't have much patience for the younger mothers these days. I just feel totally over all the stuff that seems to occupy the ones I come in contact with.I know that's a problem with me not them and is definitely a factor of my age.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Menopause for me, too. I am 37. I would love one more, at 38/ 39. Heck, I'd like 3 more, but dh would never ever ever ever agree to that.

I have had crappy pregnancies. My health isn't perfect. But I am a WAY better mother than I was in my 20s. I was often told I was a good mom then, and I tried hard, but it's so much easier now. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Our babies were born when I was 36, 38, 40, and 2 days shy of 42.  If you want a baby and your body is healthy enough for it, I don't think you're too old. I am thankful for all 4 and am glad that I was able to conceive and carry to term despite my "advanced maternal age!"

  • Like 6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Menopause for me, too. I am 37. I would love one more, at 38/ 39. Heck, I'd like 3 more, but dh would never ever ever ever agree to that.

I have had crappy pregnancies. My health isn't perfect. But I am a WAY better mother than I was in my 20s. I was often told I was a good mom then, and I tried hard, but it's so much easier now.

there is that! I was told I was a good mother 8 years ago, and while I was, I'm Way better now! and it's easier... I'm calmer I have more patience and I'm wiser. My mil had her last at 43, and she is a much better mom to him than she was to the rest (and she was good to them). I wonder where I will be in 10 years...

 

OP, if you and dh are on the same page about it, don't let societal or familial pressures stop you

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In some ways I think I am too old to have kids, but a high school friend who's a little older than I am just had a baby last year. There are so many factors that determine what is "too old," and it isn't the same answer for every woman. I do not think you should let other people's opinions be one of those factors, though.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

speaking as someone who has a 22 year gap between oldest and youngest (with 12 years between the last two), it varies.  it really isn't any of your mother's business.  my mother was constantly asking me if I was 'done' (because she thought I should be. she thought I should have been done after two.  but then, when I was a child, she also made no secret she only planned on two . . . . I was a third.  she was eventually very glad she had me.),

I repeatedly told her it was none of her business.

 

 how is your health?  how is your dh's health?  do you want another and are able to care for one? then go for it.

 

dh was in his 50's when dudeling was born.  he's very proud to say he's his son, and not his grandson.  incidentally, his health is (and has almost always been) better than mine.

 

 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest

I have some moral issues about donor eggs. I understand why people would go that route and I'm not all judgey-judgey about it, it's just not something I could personally be comfortable about, so I don't find "Cheer up, maybe you'll win the lottery." comments very comforting.

 

I stopped TTCing when my FSH levels were too high for it to be worth my money and other people's time. I was 46. My biggest regret in life will always be that I didn't have more kids.

 

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

At 30, I thought 35 was too old. At 35, I thought 40. I'm now 42 and am not ready to give up.

This was me, too. I wanted to be done by 30, but  life and fertility difficulties and more life lead to me having my second (very unplanned) baby 6 weeks before I turned 30. I certainly wasn't done. 

Then I thought 35. I waited 3 years(and 2 failed pregnancies) for my third. I was 33.

Then I thought 40. My 4th came along more quickly than I anticipated. I was a month from 35. 

I still have time for one more :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know what's "too old" for other people.

I started young (21) and decided 30 was going to be my limit. Then #4 decided to be born at 42 weeks, 3 days after my 30th birthday. Once that was shot ( :lol: ) #5 was born when I was 33.

We decided against making any more after that because I'm too tired. But who really knows what the future holds?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As long as you're up for it, go for it. I had my last when I was 33 and I had a lot more patience raising him than I did the firstborn who came 9 years earlier. I was just a better parent when I was older. 

 

I wouldn't have wanted another just because 4 was my personal limit.  But 8 years ago I was in a quilt store buying fabric for a baby quilt and the clerk assumed *I* was the one having the baby. Besides the fact that it embarrassed me that she evidently thought I looked pregnant, I was 44 years old at the time.  8 years ago 44 seemed old...today it seems young!

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It depends on the parents and their health, I think.  I do know older parents who are fantastic and have just as much energy as some younger parents I know.  I don't think I would have had a baby past 40 (I was 34 when we had our last), but my sister-in-law didn't even have her first until she was 42.  She had her 2nd at 44, and she and her husband are great, very involved parents.  Their kids are in college now. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

For me 39, for someone else whatever they choose. I had children at 19, 20, 22, 37 & 39. None of them were easy but that last really wore me out. I had no doubt I was done.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was 40 and dh was 42 when our last one came along.  It's not so much that being pregnant at 40 was a big deal--it's the growing older and still raising a child that is a concern for us.   We both plan to be around for the long haul but there are no guarantees.  No one has a guarantee but it is something that we have talked about in more detail than previously.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...