Little meltdown last night, I feel like I messed up! Help!

[Elisabet1]

There is not much I can do about this now I am guessing..but here goes....

 

I wish I could have a do over of the last year. Last year at this time, my daughter intended to apply to Williams, Carleton, Carnegie Mellon, Harvey Mudd, Pomona, Wash U, Swarthmore, and possibly Davidson.

 

But something fell a part. Maybe it was a fear of moving on, I do not know. But she did not get in to applying to these schools, her essays were horrible, etc. Now, she wrote a beautiful essay for a scholarship that would have made a way way better college essay. And her friends that she actually really like are all Swarthmore, Yale, and Princeton bound (these are people who applied ED). She has some superficial friends who kind of get on her nerves, for reasons that I agree with, would irritate me too, and those are the kids who are going to the in-state schools that she does not want to attend.  She did not really like the schools she got in to. She applied because I had her apply, and they were easy to apply to.

 

It is as if she had a nervous breakdown coming in to do applications. And she is just now settling down and able to cope with this next step in her education, but application deadlines are passed already for her favorite schools. It is extremely frustrating!! And the reality that college is coming up in a few months, and her choices are limited to whatever was popular at her high school, it is just hitting her in the face, and she is finally realizing that she dropped the ball on all this. I feel awful for her. She was just quietly crying in her room and told me, when I approached her to talk about it, "I messed up" and she told me how she knows this is her doing and so on. I just feel awful! All these years of so much hard work, only to have everything fall down during application season.

 

She did put an application in for Carleton. Do you think it would hurt her, or help, if she sent them the new, better essay, to add to her application? It is much better than the original and talks about a leadership role she took on that was a very important role.

 

These are all schools that are quite hard to get in to as a freshman, and basically do not take any transfer students. Is she just out of luck? This is just sad? I think Carleton could be a great fit for her, IF she gets in. 

[FaithManor]

You'd have to contact Carleton and ask. I doubt, though, that they would accept a different essay after the application has been submitted.

 

Could she take a gap year? The senior year can be really, really stressful. She wouldn't be the first student that paralyzed from the pressure, and especially when applying to selective universities and LAC's; she most certainly won't be the last. A meaningful gap year, volunteer work, maybe some travel, and job - paid or volunteer - in a field she is passionate about, etc. Colleges actually like 19 year old freshman because sometimes that extra year makes them more mature and settled. SWB's son took a gap year; my youngest may very well do so if he graduates early because his academic skills runs well ahead of his emotional maturity. It's not the end of the world, and a well planned gap year could give her a nice break from the pressure while not letting up on the learning and maturing per se so she would be really ready to tackle the process in autumn 2015.

 

:grouphug:

[Elisabet1]

We don't really have the money for her to travel and such during a gap year. She would end up just staying home and working some minimum wage job likely. 

[Barbara H]

While yes, many options she may have liked are past the deadline, there are good schools that are still accepting applications. The only choices aren't the super elite liberal schools she thought of originally (Swarthmore, Williams, etc.) or an instate option she doesn't like. Those elite schools were not a guarantee of admissions anyway. One option right now is to look for other liberal arts colleges that are still accepting applications. They may not carry the prestige of the schools she initially considered but there are good quality schools out there if she's looking for a liberal arts alternative. On the Common Application, students can go into "College Search" and put in a date to find schools still accepting applications. Some examples... Creighton, College of Wooster, Earlham, Hendrix, Hope, Juniata, Kalamazoo, Sarah Lawrence, Eckerd, Illinois Wesleyan, Emory and Henry, Check financial aid deadlines too because they are sometimes different.

 

Best of luck!

 

Adding: Check with the colleges directly on deadlines because not 100% of the information on the Common Application is correct, but it is a starting place. Bottom line though: If your student would have been competitive at colleges like Williams, there are MANY good liberal arts colleges that would still be interested in February.

[8filltheheart]

I just googled universities with late deadlines and this link has a long list.

 

http://www.petersons.com/college-search/late-deadline-schools.aspx

 

What I would suspect, though, is that the merit scholarship deadlines are long past.

[Jen in NY]

((elisabet1))

 

Just wanted to give you hugs. Sometimes we try our best and still things don't come out as we expect in the end.

 

I think, really and truly, that your daughter will be able to get a great education even at the places she is already accepted. It is all up to her. Even if she had been one of the people accepted to a highly regarded school she could just fly under the radar, complete her classes, and get out. OR she could be someone that goes to a maybe slightly less 'noted' school and takes the bull by the horns - joins clubs, volunteers to be a mover and a shaker on campus, goes to office hours, makes friends with some wonderful mentors, becomes a peer leader...etc, etc. Which is the better 'education'? I realize more and more that the school makes less of a difference than the kid. The enthusiasm. The commitment. The love for the work. On the other side, all of that will be what lasts.

 

If she's coming out of that 'fog' I see it as a great thing... she's ready to see her responsibility to herself and live up to it.

 

Best to you both.

[Teachin'Mine]

((elisabet1))

 

Just wanted to give you hugs. Sometimes we try our best and still things don't come out as we expect in the end.

 

I think, really and truly, that your daughter will be able to get a great education even at the places she is already accepted. It is all up to her. Even if she had been one of the people accepted to a highly regarded school she could just fly under the radar, complete her classes, and get out. OR she could be someone that goes to a maybe slightly less 'noted' school and takes the bull by the horns - joins clubs, volunteers to be a mover and a shaker on campus, goes to office hours, makes friends with some wonderful mentors, becomes a peer leader...etc, etc. Which is the better 'education'? I realize more and more that the school makes less of a difference than the kid. The enthusiasm. The commitment. The love for the work. On the other side, all of that will be what lasts.

 

If she's coming out of that 'fog' I see it as a great thing... she's ready to see her responsibility to herself and live up to it.

 

Best to you both.

 

Truly words of wisdom.

[8filltheheart]

I have been thinking about this some more, and what your dd needs to know is that if she truly wants to be an engineer, she doesn't need to attend any of the schools she listed. Corporations recruit from small lesser known engineering schools as much as big name schools. I don't know about all fields, but in chemical engineering my ds was recruited just as heavily as a graduate from a small unknown school as graduates from GA Tech, VA Tech, NCSU, and UMichigan-- Ann Arbor. (All top ranked engineering schools.). Those are just a few of the places he knows people were from in his corp orientation and coop experiences.

 

What mattered was GPA and coop experience. Once hired, no one cares where you earned your degree, what they care about is your work ethic. Your pay is the same at hiring and your pay increases based on performance, not place of diploma.

 

If she has in idea of where she would like to work, she should call their HR dept and ask if they recruit from one of the schools she is considering. Bc the reputation of the individual depts grads in industry is all that matters, not name recognition amg the population at large.

 

All that said, I know none of my dd's would want to do the work my dh or ds do. They would not enjoy a plant environment or working with the line workers. It may not be popular to say it, but here goes anyway. It takes a special kind of woman to be able to deal with the gruffness of line workers. My dh and ds are definitely have the kind of personality that knows how to joke around and deal with some of the rather crass and crude attitudes. My dd's, not so much. I guess they all have too much of the princess stereotype.

 

If your dd has never been inside a plant, it might be a good experience for her to see what some engineers are doing. If she can call the universities where she has been accepted, she should ask if there is a women in engineering group that she might make contact with to talk to them about the support that exists for them and talk to other young ladies that are ahead of her in the process.

 

If she decides to pursue chemistry, does she know what that means in a career? Especially if she stops at a bachelors? Where she gets a BS in chemistry isn't going to make or break a career. If the place that has offered her summer employment would be a place she wants to work as a graduate, then she should talk to them directly about schools. More than likely she will find out that any of the schools she has been accepted to are going to be great options.

[Teachin'Mine]

I have been thinking about this some more, and what your dd needs to know is that if she truly wants to be an engineer, she doesn't need to attend any of the schools she listed. Corporations recruit from small lesser known engineering schools as much as big name schools. I don't know about all fields, but in chemical engineering my ds was recruited just as heavily as a graduate from TN Tech as graduates from GA Tech, VA Tech, NCSU, and UMichigan-- Ann Arbor. (All top ranked engineering schools.). Those are just a few of the places he knows people were from in his corp orientation and coop experiences.

 

What mattered was GPA and coop experience. Once hired, no one cares where you earned your degree, what they care about is your work ethic. Your pay is the same at hiring and your pay increases based on performance, not place of diploma.

 

If she has in idea of where she would like to work, she should call their HR dept and ask if they recruit from one of the schools she is considering. Bc the reputation of the individual depts grads in industry is all that matters, not name recognition amg the population at large.

 

All that said, I know none of my dd's would want to do the work my dh or ds do. They would not enjoy a plant environment or working with the line workers. It may not be popular to say it, but here goes anyway. It takes a special kind of woman to be able to deal with the gruffness of line workers. My dh and ds are definitely have the kind of personality that knows how to joke around and deal with some of the rather crass and crude attitudes. My dd's, not so much. I guess they all have too much of the princess stereotype.

 

If your dd has never been inside a plant, it might be a good experience for her to see what some engineers are doing. If she can call the universities where she has been accepted, she should ask if there is a women in engineering group that she might make contact with to talk to them about the support that exists for them and talk to other young ladies that are ahead of her in the process.

 

If she decides to pursue chemistry, does she know what that means in a career? Especially if she stops at a bachelors? Where she gets a BS in chemistry isn't going to make or break a career. If the place that has offered her summer employment would be a place she wants to work as a graduate, then she should talk to them directly about schools. More than likely she will find out that any of the schools she has been accepted to are going to be great options.

 

Really?  Seems to me it takes a special kind of foreman/supervisor/company policy to deal with the crass/gruff/crude workers and inform them  of the laws.  There are many engineering programs actively recruiting women and there are different types of engineering and work environments.  But I do agree that it would be great for her to talk with women in engineering.

[8filltheheart]

Really?  Seems to me it takes a special kind of foreman/supervisor/company policy to deal with the crass/gruff/crude workers and inform them  of the laws.  There are many engineering programs actively recruiting women and there are different types of engineering and work environments.  But I do agree that it would be great for her to talk with women in engineering.

 

Seriously?   It isn't sexual harassment I am talking about.  These are people that are good at their jobs and take their line work seriously, but they are definitely rough around the edges and live in a very different world than my kids do. 

 

Yes, they actively recruit women and both my dh and ds work with plenty of women, but that does not mean that all women are cut out for the work.   You really need to be able to form good working relationships with the individuals on the lines.   There are probably plenty of men that can't do it either, but the OP has a dd.   Since her other possible desire was to major in music (conservatory) or attend a list of schools like Swathmore, Yale, or Princeton......there is a huge leap in the type of people she would be working with in a plant.   Simple reality in the majority of chemical engineering entry level positions. (and chemical engineering is what she posted her dd as interested in)

[Teachin'Mine]

Seriously?   It isn't sexual harassment I am talking about.  These are people that are good at their jobs and take their line work seriously, but they are definitely rough around the edges and live in a very different world than my kids do. 

 

Yes, they actively recruit women and both my dh and ds work with plenty of women, but that does not mean that all women are cut out for the work.   You really need to be able to form good working relationships with the individuals on the lines.   There are probably plenty of men that can't do it either, but the OP has a dd.   Since her other possible desire was to major in music or attend a list of schools like Swathmore, Yale, or Princeton......there is a huge leap in the type of people she would be working with in a plant.   Simple reality in the majority of chemical engineering entry level positions.

 

So they're blue collar ...

[snowbeltmom]

Seriously?   It isn't sexual harassment I am talking about.  These are people that are good at their jobs and take their line work seriously, but they are definitely rough around the edges and live in a very different world than my kids do. 

 

Yes, they actively recruit women and both my dh and ds work with plenty of women, but that does not mean that all women are cut out for the work.   You really need to be able to form good working relationships with the individuals on the lines.   There are probably plenty of men that can't do it either, but the OP has a dd.   Since her other possible desire was to major in music (conservatory) or attend a list of schools like Swathmore, Yale, or Princeton......there is a huge leap in the type of people she would be working with in a plant.   Simple reality in the majority of chemical engineering entry level positions.

These comments mirror my experience working as an engineer.  It sounds ridiculous, but I was able to earn the respect of the men on the line through my ability to discuss the ins and outs of football and baseball. 

 

The company I worked for out of college also had a policy that they would not hire graduates from the Ivy League because the Ivy  League graduates they had hired in the past were unable to "connect" with the workers on the line and, as a result, did not stay with the company very long. 

[wapiti]

I think it makes a lot of sense to talk with women in the specific engineering field (or multiple fields) and look at the different paths available as well as considering what schools tend to feed the particular industry she may like to get into, if she has an idea of that.

 

Mines is an example of a school that has a lot of connections within a particular industry (oil and gas).  Eta, in spite of the fact that it is not quite as selective as the schools on your dd's list, it would be a good choice for the particular industry that it feeds, and it has a late deadline (May 1).  It sounds like more research is necessary - there may be good choices out there for your dd to still apply to if she can narrow down the industry.

[Elisabet1]

Seriously?   It isn't sexual harassment I am talking about.  These are people that are good at their jobs and take their line work seriously, but they are definitely rough around the edges and live in a very different world than my kids do. 

 

Yes, they actively recruit women and both my dh and ds work with plenty of women, but that does not mean that all women are cut out for the work.   You really need to be able to form good working relationships with the individuals on the lines.   There are probably plenty of men that can't do it either, but the OP has a dd.   Since her other possible desire was to major in music (conservatory) or attend a list of schools like Swathmore, Yale, or Princeton......there is a huge leap in the type of people she would be working with in a plant.   Simple reality in the majority of chemical engineering entry level positions. (and chemical engineering is what she posted her dd as interested in)

This is actually a very important thing to consider, and I am very glad you brought it up. 

 

You see, I mentioned this before, but I usually do not, until recently, let people know this about me, as there is to much prejudice in the world. BUT, I grew up in foster care. As a result, I was always around a lot of people and I grew up a very tolerant person who could really fend for herself. I am accustomed to being quick on my feet, and self reliant, etc. I also can be very tolerant of so many people and know that I cannot tell how good, or bad, a person is, just based on their looks. I genuinely care about so many people. And being a former foster child means also that I grew up in poverty.

 

For my own children, they have been raised in a very stable home, no controversy. We are quite even keel and the worst my daughter has had it is when one of the little boys used her bathroom and pottied on the seat. The is quite intolerant of a person with the world coming to an end if someone near her chews bubble gum at school. I am thinking a job in a factory would not go well with her. She is not a people person and has a hard time dealing with people. 

 

We need to look much more in to the work environment for engineers. Her other choice was to go with chemistry and stay through the PhD level. I am suspecting that in the research or academia work environment, she will not have so much for people who she feels uncomfortable with.

 

Also, she loved SD School of Mines, but we live so far away now that she took it off her list.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Where do you get the idea that all engineering is working in a plant?  I know dozens of engineers (and I'm married to one.)  There are many, many fields in engineering and plant work with crude male workers is only a small subset of the possible work environments.  Female engineers are highly sought after.  If a firm does any work in the public sector, they really need female engineers to help with their diversity profile. 

 

There are many ways to get a quality engineering education.  The key is making connections with people.  Lots of LACs offer 3-2 engineering-physics degrees in conjunction with other, more well-known universities.  So, they get the best of both worlds - a quality liberal arts education along with a quality engineering educaiton. 

[8filltheheart]

Where do you get the idea that all engineering is working in a plant? I know dozens of engineers (and I'm married to one.) There are many, many fields in engineering and plant work with crude male workers is only a small subset of the possible work environments. Female engineers are highly sought after. If a firm does any work in the public sector, they really need female engineers to help with their diversity profile.

 

There are many ways to get a quality engineering education. The key is making connections with people. Lots of LACs offer 3-2 engineering-physics degrees in conjunction with other, more well-known universities. So, they get the best of both worlds - a quality liberal arts education along with a quality engineering educaiton.

FWIW, I never said that was the only place engineers work. I asked if her dd had ever been inside a plant bc if not, it might be worth trying to go inside one to see what some engineers do. I also recommended calling HR depts and contacting women in engineering support groups on the college campuses where she had been accepted.

 

Teachin Mine took one small part of what I said and focused on it. But, what she focused on is still very true. My dd's would not enjoy working in a plant.

[8filltheheart]

She is not a people person and has a hard time dealing with people.

 

We need to look much more in to the work environment for engineers. Her other choice was to go with chemistry and stay through the PhD level. I am suspecting that in the research or academia work environment, she will not have so much for people who she feels uncomfortable with.

How did she go about choosing a major? Did she do research into the careers or did she choose based on liking chemistry and math? Bc she made such a drastic change away from music and what colleges she applied to, perhaps she should spend some time focused on career assessments and books like What Color is Your Parachute before she leaves for college so that she understands herself better in case she runs into hurdles or strong dislikes so that she has in internal compass to help direct her vs. feeling trapped or wandering without direction.

 

I think we really need to help our kids understand the realistic expectations of career goals. My own sr has been doing a lot of that this yr. He had dreams of theoretical physics, but his understanding of what that meant in terms of actual employment was more of a child than an adult. He has spent a lot of time talking to physicists this yr specifically around what types of jobs are out there for physicists and he has now greatly modified his view on what he sees himself realistically doing. Obviously, he is far from making firm decisions with solid understanding, but his understanding is now at least based on real careers and paths that others have pursued vs a simplistic vision.

[xixstar]

I just wanted to say that I understand the panic process. We haven't escaped it yet and deadlines are Feb. 15th for the few schools dd is kinda interested in. I'm pushing hard but not sure that it's going to make it. Maybe a gap year would make sense, but for us it would be a year at home and MAYBE some low end job, dd hasn't been able to find a job yet. I am still trying not to panic but I can't push that fog away either.

[Nan in Mass]

Heart - I just wanted to say that my sister's friend wanted to be a physicist in high school.  During the college application process, my family had a New Year's party to which both the friend and a physicist friend were invited.  We introduced them, naturally.  Five minutes later, the friend walked away stunned.  He didn't want to be a physicist any more.  It wasn't what he thought it was.  His head was spinning.  He immediately changed his major.  I've always wondered about that.  The physicist was, in my family's experience, a typical physicist with an interesting job.  The friend said just talking to him made him change his mind, not anything in particular he said.  Did he conclude he didn't want to work with people like the physicist?  Did he have NO idea what physicists did?  Was his second opinion about physics any more accurate than his first opinion?  Anyway,  I think you are right - investigating what people in a career actually DO is a good idea, and so is investigating what sort of education one needs and what the working circumstances and pay are.

 

Elisabet1 - Hugs.  Watching our beloved young ones struggle their way into adulthood is heartbreaking at times.

 

Nan

[Elisabet1]

How did she go about choosing a major? Did she do research into the careers or did she choose based on liking chemistry and math? Bc she made such a drastic change away from music and what colleges she applied to, perhaps she should spend some time focused on career assessments and books like What Color is Your Parachute before she leaves for college so that she understands herself better in case she runs into hurdles or strong dislikes so that she has in internal compass to help direct her vs. feeling trapped or wandering without direction.

 

I think we really need to help our kids understand the realistic expectations of career goals. My own sr has been doing a lot of that this yr. He had dreams of theoretical physics, but his understanding of what that meant in terms of actual employment was more of a child than an adult. He has spent a lot of time talking to physicists this yr specifically around what types of jobs are out there for physicists and he has now greatly modified his view on what he sees himself realistically doing. Obviously, he is far from making firm decisions with solid understanding, but his understanding is now at least based on real careers and paths that others have pursued vs a simplistic vision.

She does have a book of majors I bought for her.

 

But how she chose a major...it is interesting. She was always in to math and science. Originally, she always planned on a science major, usually physics. But she also begged to do music, which we did not have the money for. Finally, when she was 12 yrs old, she started cello lessons.  She struggled at first and worked very hard at it anyway. Then, she just took off. 6 months after starting, she advanced years worth, and made it in to the city orchestra. Another year and a half, she switched to viola. And a year after switching to viola, she went to Interlochen and made the World Youth Symphony Orchestra. She started talking conservatory at this point. We started looking at places like Eastman. But then last year about this time, she had a music injury. She pushed through it, but by summer, she took the summer off. This past summer, she should have been at Interlochen, working with people like Heidi Castleman (the viola teacher at Juilliard) and preparing for her auditions. Instead, she stayed home and worked/volunteered fulltime at the science learning area. She teaches science to daycamp kids there and also helps maintain the property. Up until this point, she also was seriously considering things like Carnegie Mellon's BXA degree in physics and music.

 

Coming in to fall, she got back to school and the new orchestra teacher was very uninspiring. He is a tantrum thrower actually. He spends most times yelling and snapping at the kids. Meanwhile, she started AP Chemistry. This teacher is wonderful! She has really gotten my daughter back in to focusing on science (my daughter did not have math in school last year) and my daughter is now convinced she will major in chemistry or chemical engineering.

 

While I am not 100% convinced she will stay with chemistry or chemical engineering, I do think she will stay in a science (not medical, so chem, physics, environmental, or even geology). In fact, she is in the kitchen right now trying to explain how to balance a chemical equation to son 12. (son 12 is NOT enjoying this, LOL)

[Caroline]

I just wanted to point out that chemical engineering and chemistry are two extremely different majors. I believe that 8 brought up working in a plant because that is a career path for a chemical engineer. It isn't the only one, but I would say it is one of the major ones.

[8filltheheart]

I just wanted to point out that chemical engineering and chemistry are two extremely different majors.

 

I agree which is why I was attempting to gently determine how the majors were being selected.    It seems like she is basing decisions on liking a class or a teacher's presentation vs. actual understanding of what careers fall at the end of a major.    

 

It can be hard for teens to thoroughly understand what careers actually entail.   A big revelation is that she is not a people person.   Lab work might be a good fit.   Though, I have a hard time reconciling not being a people person with enjoying teaching science classes. 

 

If it were my child, I would try to make connections with various professionals and spend time researching fields, etc before she makes the decision as to where she wants to attend.

[Nan in Mass]

If she likes chemistry, she could consider being a materials engineer.  Or look at bioengineering.

 

Having worked on an assembly line and being a princess-type person myself, I agree that she should keep in mind that working at a plant might not be the most comfortable.  I had my own princessy way of communicating and contributing and have been just fine in all of the male-dominated situations I've landed in, but I can easily see that particular way backfiring completely if the males happened to be feeling uncooperative.  I also have worked in technical situations where this totally wasn't a consideration.  I know it isn't pc to discuss this sort of thing, but the reality is that the male/female ratio in some technical fields is still very lopsided (sometimes even with good reason grin I would have to be built differently physically to do my son's job) so some fields have not yet worked out a more gender-neutral modus operandi.  (Might have mangled the spelling of that last bit.  Not sure I've ever written it before.)  It is worth considering if you are a woman headed for certain technical fields.  You might be effective by fitting in as one of the boys.  Or you might be effective in a more princess-like way.  You probably won't be effective if you aren't genuine.  This is all fairly standard management stuff and applies to men as well as women.  (It is an old problem.)  The real question here is whether the woman WANTS to spend her days in this situation.  This is what Heart was pointing out.  If she wants to, she can probably figure out a way to be effective.  If she wants to, she can probably be a chemical engineer and avoid plant work.  But it is good to be forewarned that many jobs for this major involve these issues.  I think, anyway... 

 

Nan

[flyingiguana]

My daughter is at a small no-name LAC with a wonderful chemistry dept/major.  Their graduates go on to, well, just about everything.  Grad school, industry, med school etc.  They do fine.  They often do better than kids from some of the big name schools, as it turns out.  (I work at the school and the dept/school does a lot of tracking of their graduates.)

 

Really, she does not need to go to one of those big name schools.  If your daughter dropped the ball on applying, it's very possible it was an unconscious way of avoiding those schools.  If so, maybe it was the right decision for her.

 

And really, there's nothing wrong with an awful lot of the schools out there that no one's really heard of.  They often have fine, engaged faculty.

 

I wouldn't advise a gap year just so she can apply to a place like Carleton or Swarthmore with a better application.  It really isn't worth it.   If she wants to take a gap year otherwise (for reasons other than just coming at the applications in a better frame of mind), then by all means, do it.  If she's got something she wants to do, or if she feels a year working at a job would just make her a more mature person, that's a good enough reason.  But I really wouldn't do it just to apply to those places.

 

I know a lot of kids who have dropped out of those schools you mention.  I also know a fair number who graduated out of them and got jobs.... the same sorts of jobs kids from no-name LACs and public universities are getting.  She'll be fine if she ends up at a solid school that wasn't in her dream list back when she didn't know a lot about college and was basing things on what her friends were doing.  She'll make new friends in college.  Even if she went to the same places as her friends, the friendships likely wouldn't have been all that they were dreaming.

 

However, if she's still wanting to apply to places, there are tons of places that accept "late" applications.  Who even end up giving financial aid at that late date.  My 2nd didn't apply until JULY and she got in with scholarships.

 

And why didn't she apply until July?  Because she was in the same place your daughter is right now.  Kind of scared of moving on, unsure of where to apply....  With the added fear of "once I finish college I'll have to get a job" slowing her down.  It's a hard time for kids who actually see where they're headed and don't know how it's all going to turn out.

 

All that said -- both my kids ended up taking an extra high school year.  One did some college courses, the other just worked on her projects.  They both got in to college, with financial aid.  They're both happy with where they're going.  It does work out.  Sometimes some kids just need more time.

[flyingiguana]

And I wouldn't discount the idea of her going into industry in engineering.  Things change.  Guys who act that like (gruff, etc) are still out there, but people don't take them so seriously anymore.  And they're just as hard on MEN.  I've known guys who quit jobs with folks like that -- and went on to find other jobs with more reasonable coworkers.

[readinmom]

Gap year is more about growing as an individual and finding a focus for the future.  If that is working a part-time minimum wage job, so be it.  The biggest mistake is for her to feel forced into choosing a school she does not care for simply due to application deadlines.  College is such an investment:  mentally, physically, and financially; it would be a shame to rush such an important decision. 

 

Just my two cents...