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What does asynchronous development look like....


jillian
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Gil:  I had to explain what the middle finger gesture meant to my 8yos recently.  Someone had taught them some sort of joke where you end up flipping the bird at the person, which they showed me because they assumed it must be clever.  Although my kids have heard F--- plenty of times, apparently flipping the bird is not a point of refinement I have modeled.  ;)

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This was my facebook status recently:

 

Happily adding and subtracting fractions, finding equivalent fractions, calculating fractions of whole numbers and working out on ones own how to multiply fractions. Followed by 5 minutes of sobbing beause we can't remember how to write capital Q. Asynchrony, you're a b*stard.

 

 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Reads pretty much anything he wants, teaches me about Space time continuum and the purpose of RNA, but greets people like he is a puppy jumping up and down and panting in front of them. Not because he is pretending to be a puppy, but because social he just doesn't do well.

Not to mention, the fights we get in about putting on fresh underwear.

 

Or he knows all about losing teeth, how they dissolve, how new ones grow in. All their names and purposes. But he is terrified of losing his first tooth. It is so loose I could pluck it from his mouth.

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DS6 is ahead in basically all academic areas.  He is also a great pianist.  However, the emotional control of a 2 year old a lot of days it seems. 

DD4 is very intelligent and will amaze me answering questions meant for her brother.  She gets in trouble when I find her way past lights out time up reading chapter books, however when reading aloud to me she often (although not as much lately) gets stuck on words such as "the" in picture books.  I am fairly certain this is because she is too distracted by all the pretty pictures :)  She is for sure my child that is mroe into the beauty in the world.  She could also sit for hours at time from less than a year looking at books, but refused to let me read to her.  She is independent through and through.

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Last week: Disneylannd for the first time where Ds was giddy over tasting cotton candy for the first time, loved Princess Tea with Belle, panicked about riding "spinny rides," and thought he was pretty hot stuff for getting stay up past eleven pm. Attire was Crocs, because he cannot seem to affectively tie his shoes.

 

Tonight: Dinner with the governor and the first family of the Lummi Nation to discuss coal exports, treaty rights, and equitable energy for future generations. Attire was a three piece suit where he can expertly tie his tie in a full Winsor knot.

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  • 1 month later...

Leadership conference for eight hours listening to apocalyptic facts about climate change and being the "thin green line" of defense to save the world - totally fine and highly engaged.

 

Going to Age of Ultron movie (Avenger's 2 in the theaters): "I don't know, Mom, maybe it is too intense."

Seriously?  :huh:

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I love this thread because it makes me think my kid isn't so weird and unusual.  :)  Honestly, I didn't even know he word asynchronous until WTM forum. 

 

Is there any concern with this?  Anything that you do to even out your kids?  Or is this something that will just fix itself at some point?

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I love this thread because it makes me think my kid isn't so weird and unusual.   :)  Honestly, I didn't even know he word asynchronous until WTM forum. 

 

Is there any concern with this?  Anything that you do to even out your kids?  Or is this something that will just fix itself at some point?

 

I don't think it ever really evens out.  There are still points of me that are very asynchronous.  No where near as much as when I was younger.  I think it is that you just are not on the same wavelength as many others.  Just recently I realized that people separate themselves into different people depending on who they are around.  This is what creates connections of intimacy (not sexual, but just closeness).  They expose different bits of themselves depending on who they are around and the amount of time they have had with someone.  I am in my 30's.  Everyone else seems to understand this sometime before their teen years, but I'm just me.  I did not do the level thing.  I was just totally out there, totally me all the time regardless of how long I have known you.  It makes people uncomfortable because I am breaking a significant social norm, but I never got it until recently.  It explains why my husband sometimes gets his feelings hurt.  To him, I am supposed to have a person whom only he sees.  To me that seems weird.

 

Ds spent much of the year he was 8 studying people like an anthropologist.  That helped a lot, but it was a technically low academic year.  It is as though he gets to choose where his mental energy is going - academics or social stuff.  We also discuss social and power dynamics quite a lot.  It has helped.  We focus on life skills or "normal" pop culture references a lot.  It is one reason I am very glad Dh is around.  Since his is not listed as PG, it really helps me see what is "normal" and what isn't.  Even if I do not understand it, I recognize that he knows far more than I do and Ds and I need to listen to him.  He can never explain why, but we just take it at face value and go with it.

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DS10 requests to do multiple math lessons a day, does 2 different curriculums per subject each year, and "likes tests, because they show what you have learned."  Yet, today, when I read a question with the phrase "his duty" he had such a fit of laughter because it sounded like "doody" that we couldn't continue for 15 minutes.

 

DD4 will talk about people dying and death multiple times per day.  Also pretends to not know how to do things like read, identify her letters, and say our address.  She tells her brother's teammates (6 years her senior) that she can do the things they do as well as they can and then does.  We watched the movie Paddington and she was so terrified that she was literally shaking and crying - even a week later if she mentions it she starts shaking.  And the sound of thunder makes her scream at the top of her lungs.  Tonight we were at her brother's end of season party at a lake and they were handing out awards.  It started thundering and she kept screaming and wailing that we needed to go home.  Shaking and sobbing in the middle of a whole crowd of people.

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I love this thread because it makes me think my kid isn't so weird and unusual.   :)  Honestly, I didn't even know he word asynchronous until WTM forum. 

 

Is there any concern with this?  Anything that you do to even out your kids?  Or is this something that will just fix itself at some point?

 

We don't have any learning disability concerns so we have not attempted to look into it medically if that is what you mean. (eta: Please see post #19 by 8filltheHeart if you are worried that there might be something more going on).

 

I agree with EoO that it is a lifelong thing, at least for me. I still like to act as goofy as a 10yo (I am in my 40s). I can't say my father ever outgrew his.

 

For DS who is 12, I see much asynchronicity each day still. We are at a point where we are having discussions about college applications now that he is accumulating DE credits...sometimes he comes across as an 18yo to me, the way he handles his college work or writes emails to his profs...but he still speaks in squeaky voices to the dog or will still forget that his hair is dripping wet when he gets ready for a class or will just do things you would expect from an 8yo, not a 12yo. Some days he will tear up over a children's book or animated movie like a very young child and will try to cuddle up on my lap (he is about 5 inches taller than I am now). There are just so many facets to these kids you know?

 

So many ages all at once...that's how a good friend of mine puts it.

 

I wouldn't fix it for the world although there are days when I wish there was a manual or that I could be more patient with him.

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We don't have any learning disability concerns so we have not attempted to look into it medically if that is what you mean.

 

I agree with EoO that it is a lifelong thing, at least for me. I still like to act as goofy as a 10yo (I am in my 40s). I can't say my father ever outgrew his.

 

For DS who is 12, I see so much asynchronicity each day. We are at a point where we are having discussions about college applications now that he is accumulating DE credits...sometimes he comes across as an 18yo to me, the way he handles his college work or writes emails to his profs...but he still speaks in squeaky voices to the dog or will still forget that his hair is dripping wet when he gets ready for a class or will just do things you would expect from an 8yo, not a 12yo. Some days he will tear up over a children's book or animated movie like a very young child and will try to cuddle up on my lap (he is about 5 inches taller than I am now). There are just so many facets to these kids you know?

 

So many ages all at once...that's how a good friend of mine puts it.

 

I wouldn't fix it for the world although there are days when I wish there was a manual or that I could be more patient with him.

 

^So much this.  Sounds so similar to my son.  They are so "adult" and then all of a sudden their childness pops out in unexpected ways.  Hopefully mostly at times that it's endearing - like when I'm reading to DD4 and he comes over and just wants to sit and listen with us.

 

I wouldn't change a single thing about these exceptional kids that I have - even when they are plucking my last nerve.  If anything, I wish I could see the world as they do.  My husband is the one who is also HG, me, I'm far more average than everyone else in my house.  Which is why every year when it's time to pick curriculum, I have overwhelming panic at not knowing what is the best for them.

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DD is doing a summer program targeted towards PG kids this year, and reading the concerns other parents are posting is definitely reassuring that this is normal. In some ways, it was easier when she was younger. For me, the dichotomy tends to come when I'm in situations when I see her as being so adult-and suddenly she acts like a 10 yr old (or a 4 yr old!).

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We don't have any learning disability concerns so we have not attempted to look into it medically if that is what you mean. (eta: Please see post #19 by 8filltheHeart if you are worried that there might be something more going on).

 

I agree with EoO that it is a lifelong thing, at least for me. I still like to act as goofy as a 10yo (I am in my 40s). I can't say my father ever outgrew his.

 

For DS who is 12, I see much asynchronicity each day still. We are at a point where we are having discussions about college applications now that he is accumulating DE credits...sometimes he comes across as an 18yo to me, the way he handles his college work or writes emails to his profs...but he still speaks in squeaky voices to the dog or will still forget that his hair is dripping wet when he gets ready for a class or will just do things you would expect from an 8yo, not a 12yo. Some days he will tear up over a children's book or animated movie like a very young child and will try to cuddle up on my lap (he is about 5 inches taller than I am now). There are just so many facets to these kids you know?

 

So many ages all at once...that's how a good friend of mine puts it.

 

I wouldn't fix it for the world although there are days when I wish there was a manual or that I could be more patient with him.

I think I just don't know if there's more going on.  My ds sounds so much like what the rest of you are talking about--gross motor skills have always been behind (late to walk, late to ride a bike, not athletic really) but social is a mixed bag.  He interacts well with others for the most part, but with someone he's known for a while, it's looks like he can't read social cues very well.  In private school, he had friends but no one to really play with at recess because the boys were all playing rough--football, tag games, etc and he wasn't any good at those.

 

 

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Last night DS10 was geeking out because I showed him the MathCounts/AoPS youtube videos.  Today, he started using baby talk, complete with lisp - not a reversion back, because even as a toddler he spoke more like an adult.

 

My last nerve is frayed today - I just can't even.  :confused1:

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DD5 was doing her MM4 as a dog today. But hey, it was a dog that could write, so all is good. Last week she was writing out her maths with her foot (with a surprising amount of dexterity for someone who is only just able to hop). She thinks she can break me but I am zen.

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My 3-year-old spent the morning reading through his older sister's AAR lessons, writing a list of his plans for the day (including a very neatly printed reminder to do "Latin" -- he loves the monkey on the SSL DVD) . . . and then pooping in his pants.  In exasperation, I said:  "So, you're reading and writing . . . and pooping in your pants!"

 

"No," he said.   "I was not pooping in my pants while I was reading and writing.  I pooped in my pants while I was drawing clowns in the basement."

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We went outside to chalk.

 

Broccoli: Why is there a for sale sign in our yard?

Me: The landlord is trying to sell the house.

Broccoli: But it's stuck!

 

A moment later, he's asking how to write "no selling". So, I talk him through that. I go do something else for a moment, and when I got back he's also written "no sales". So, I sit down with him, and explain that they're not going to take the house away, that we'd just get a different landlord.

 

A few moments later, he asks me for help writing "this house". He'd written "10 Ă‚Â¢ for" on the sidewalk, wanting to write "10 Ă‚Â¢ for this house".

 

Now I need to sit him down and explain that the landlord probably wants more than 10 Ă‚Â¢ for this house.

 

Or not.

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Me to 10 year old DS: "Please stop crying, it's just a game. Let's think about this rationally and try so see what is going on. But first, take a deep breath please.

 

His portfolio on some Stock Market game did not do well. 

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  • 5 months later...

Had to revive this post due to this convo this morning. 
I was fixing DD's (5 tomorrow) hair for the day....

DD: Do you remember in December when it was a beautiful sunny day but there were snow flurries falling down?
Me: No, I don't.  How is it you can remember what happened last December, but you can't remember to put your shoes on when I tell you to?
DD: It wasn't last December, it was 2 Decembers ago.

 

Seriously!  Why can you not remember to put your shoes on!!!!

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Oh, I'm so glad I've found this forum.

You folks may actually understand us!

 

Ms 9 did the sum 2.5 x 3.25 in her head. Yes, in her head. Two ways, apparently, to check it was right. Once taking the decimals away and then putting them back at the end and once as improper fractions.

(I needed the calculator to check and it was right.)

 

And then she needed to say goodnight to all her stuffed animals in the right order.

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  • 1 month later...

DS7, reads at a 11th grade level, wants to study ancient weaponry, creates his own board games.

 

Can't tie his shoes. Cried because his team lost the super bowl. Runs through the house yelling "bananas" (for no apparent reason).

DS6 runs through the house yelling waffles! DS4 and DS2 immediately copy him. Glad to know we're not alone with this weirdness.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 10 months later...

Reviving an old thread because I did not want to start one...a classic example of the EF asynchronicity we experience here:

 

DS this morning after registering for a DE program: "I can't find the ID, I need it to register for the class"

Me: "Can you write to them to ask? You had one last year so maybe they will provide a new one this year?"

DS: "Okay I will write to them"

Me: "Can you forward me the proof of registration for my files?"

DS: "Sure mom"

 

Forwards me the proof of DE registration email (one step before registering for the actual class registration)

Me (reading email): "It says right here that they will only give you the ID in a week's time! Did you even read the email?"

DS: Guilty grin, makes peace sign with hand.

Me: (badly disguised mumbling to self about kids saying they are college ready and not even reading emails)

 

Registration in question is at one of the top public ivies in the US. Course in question is his first upper division math class which he is definitely ready for math-wise. EF-wise? He aced a lower div class there last year so things like homework and studying for tests and going to office hours is not an issue. But can't even read his registration email to check for important info about class registration.

 

Sometimes, I really need a head exploding emoticon.

 

It gets better, I promise. But I am not promising that it gets LOADS better.

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Reviving an old thread because I did not want to start one...a classic example of the EF asynchronicity we experience here:

 

DS this morning after registering for a DE program: "I can't find the ID, I need it to register for the class"

Me: "Can you write to them to ask? You had one last year so maybe they will provide a new one this year?"

DS: "Okay I will write to them"

Me: "Can you forward me the proof of registration for my files?"

DS: "Sure mom"

 

Forwards me the proof of DE registration email (one step before registering for the actual class registration)

Me (reading email): "It says right here that they will only give you the ID in a week's time! Did you even read the email?"

DS: Guilty grin, makes peace sign with hand.

Me: (badly disguised mumbling to self about kids saying they are college ready and not even reading emails)

 

Registration in question is at one of the top public ivies in the US. Course in question is his first upper division math class which he is definitely ready for math-wise. EF-wise? He aced a lower div class there last year so things like homework and studying for tests and going to office hours is not an issue. But can't even read his registration email to check for important info about class registration.

 

Sometimes, I really need a head exploding emoticon.

 

It gets better, I promise. But I am not promising that it gets LOADS better.

 

Ooo, a thread on which I can help.

 

 

                                                 bursting-head-smiley-emoticon.gif

 

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Reviving an old thread because I did not want to start one...a classic example of the EF asynchronicity we experience here:

 

DS this morning after registering for a DE program: "I can't find the ID, I need it to register for the class"

Me: "Can you write to them to ask? You had one last year so maybe they will provide a new one this year?"

DS: "Okay I will write to them"

Me: "Can you forward me the proof of registration for my files?"

DS: "Sure mom"

 

Forwards me the proof of DE registration email (one step before registering for the actual class registration)

Me (reading email): "It says right here that they will only give you the ID in a week's time! Did you even read the email?"

DS: Guilty grin, makes peace sign with hand.

Me: (badly disguised mumbling to self about kids saying they are college ready and not even reading emails)

 

Registration in question is at one of the top public ivies in the US. Course in question is his first upper division math class which he is definitely ready for math-wise. EF-wise? He aced a lower div class there last year so things like homework and studying for tests and going to office hours is not an issue. But can't even read his registration email to check for important info about class registration.

 

Sometimes, I really need a head exploding emoticon.

 

It gets better, I promise. But I am not promising that it gets LOADS better.

I admit, that's the kind of stuff that makes me nervous as to whether DD is really college ready. Here it was missing that there was a link for "new student orientation" on the student portal. She was very concerned that it was mentioned in the acceptance letter and couldn't figure out what to do.

 

I would think

 

1)set up your portal account

2)complete online new student registration

 

Would be a clue that the portal would get you there??

 

Sigh....my SIL told me her high school student has had similar issues with things like completing the online driver's ed, so maybe it's just a teen/tween thing??

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Now that I have calmed down a bit...

 

Yes, it might be the teen/ tween thing. It might be not being able to organize/ compartmentalize different things running in his head at the same time...and I know many teens struggle with that even with apps and calendars and what not. It's tough on him I know...the expectations of these more highly involved processes vs wanting the challenge very badly vs also being 14.  Previously, I would just walk him through all the steps. Last year, he managed to complete this process on his own. Did he take a step backwards this year or did asynchronicity increase this year with a harder workload? Did teen fog play a part? I don't know if I will ever know.

 

I have realized that I need to cut him more slack. He is so busy this semester. This ping pong of emotions is probably what exhausts me the most. Flitting between trying not to lose my cool (and sometimes losing it) and then being overwhelmed by guilt when he hugs me sorry or looks tired at the end of the day. Needing the high challenge and also needing to be a kid...it's hard for me to switch mindsets from one to the other too.

 

Anyway, we are not mad at each other. We rarely are...I am more worried for him than anything else. Just wanted to share that it happens here on a regular basis and that we are surviving via the only way we know: Step by step.

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My children travelled this past weekend to a prizegiving where they were presented with medals for earning the highest score in their age group in some national exams.  They both enter in the year older than them so the kids they are competing against are 6 months - 2 years older than them.  DD (7) was top in all three of her subjects, DS (10) was top in two of his (and painfully close in 3 others).  This is a huge achievement. 

 

Both children then raced back to the car to show the medals to their soft toy dogs, complete with explanations of what each was for and "letting" the dogs sniff and lick them. 

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Stops the online college orientation video on how to handle an active shooter situation to go get a snake to cuddle because "this is scary stuff".

 

I agree, kid...I agree...

So sad that it has to be a part of the process. Don't know if DS's CC has updated theirs. Crazy what difference 2 years makes.

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Me (reading email): "It says right here that they will only give you the ID in a week's time! Did you even read the email?"

DS: Guilty grin, makes peace sign with hand.

Me: (badly disguised mumbling to self about kids saying they are college ready and not even reading emails)

 

If it makes you feel any better, I've encountered plenty of grad students in library science (of all things) who apparently can't read syllabi etc either (even if the answer is in a quite noticeable table in the appropriately labeled section of the syllabus - seriously, it's not that hard to find out what percentage of your grade is based on tests vs homework). Oh, and to be clear, the syllabus was handed out in class and available online. And they were mostly female students at that (by virtue of females being overrepresented in library science, I think).

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Oh, and neither one of my 7yos knows that sticking up one's middle finger is rude. Is that unusual? :P

 

My 11 and 8 year olds didn't know this. One day one of mine pointed with her middle finger while at gym and the other girls told her. She was mortified she had essentially 'cursed' unintentionally and came home and confessed to me lol. I don't put much stock in it, so I told her it wasn't a big deal to me but that others may find it rude.

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