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What does asynchronous development look like....


jillian

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DS: can discuss Shakespeare and the search for extraterrestrial life better than most adults, reads anything left unattended. Can't tie shoes.

 

DD: Spends hours poring over anatomy books and her skull collection, builds precise block towers almost as well as DH. Still learning how to pronounce the 'r' sound.

 

I don't know if that's the kind of answer you are looking for, but it is what it looks like here.

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I like seeing other kids who don't want to learn to tie their shoes or can't tie their shoes but can hold intense conversations. We have that too. We have a child who throws temper tantrums over someone else having the same favorites but can build architecturally sound buildings and discussing the inner workings of the human body and brain. Reads everything, especially textbooks but can't be bothered to sit down and read chapter books with the rare exception. Can explain the tie between plate tectonics and land formations/earthquakes/volcanoes/etc as well but still needs inordinate amounts of snuggle time daily (which I love by the way)

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Same here.  Loves to discuss world political history etc.  Needs to be reminded to wipe her butt.  :/

 

Would rather read a pile of upper-elementary level books than fill out a one-page 2nd grade writing assignment.

 

Has no trouble telling time, but can't ever seem to *be* on time.

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Oh, and neither one of my 7yos knows that sticking up one's middle finger is rude.  Is that unusual?  :p

No, I don't think so. Buddy doesn't curse and he didn't understand the rude gestures until his brother kindly explained them all to him in unnerving detail. It took a lot for me to refrain from shutting them down when they had to talk through what "Mother F#ck3r" meant. Buddy thought it was muddy F#ck3r.

 

They looked up the f-word and determined it means to ruin so it must be someone who is so bad that they ruin their mother.

 

 

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Favorite author: Isaac Asimov

Favorite food: Ketchup

Whats asynchronous about that? I am a grown man and to this day I don't mind admitting that my first love was Ketchup. :D

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First grade math, third grade reading level including comprehension, can't write any of her letters or numbers and has almost no desire to learn. Empathizes hugely with characters in books, but still engages primarily in parallel play around kids her own age. Can talk about long term plans with fair logic but melts down when she is told it is bedtime.

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Same here.  Loves to discuss world political history etc.  Needs to be reminded to wipe her butt.  :/

 

Would rather read a pile of upper-elementary level books than fill out a one-page 2nd grade writing assignment.

 

Has no trouble telling time, but can't ever seem to *be* on time.

 

It looks somewhat like this here. Can explain things about gravity and black holes that I don't understand, likes to discuss existentialism, has no trouble working out the difference between two consecutive square numbers but needs a parent present to go to sleep & still ends up in our bed most nights.

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While I know most of the time these threads are meant to be light-hearted and encouraging, I am going throw a serious dampening effect in mine. So, if you don't want a downer, don't read this. (Consider yourself warned, seriously.)

 

Our 22 yr old ds is incredibly intelligent with a high IQ despite his visual and auditory processing speeds being in the very lowest percentiles. When he was little, he would read for hours and could regale all the glories of historical battles, empires, and discuss complex regional conflicts and what caused demise of certain societies. His level of comprehension was astounding. His writing was phenomenal. He could remember the most insignificant details of anything he ever read. His development was most notably asynchronous bc his motor skills were lagging. Emotionally he was always more on the immature side and had lots of little quirks.

 

As he got older, really 12-16, issues became more prominent and his behaviors more noticeable. What had been quirky was now different. What had been emotionally immature became obviously abnormal.

 

At age 22, he cannot function like an independent adult. He is disabled by anxiety. He refuses to move beyond the most basic levels of self-sufficiency.

 

He is an Aspie. An incredibly intelligent Aspie, though if someone only met him for a couple of minutes they wouldn't be able to tell. Observe him for about 30 mins and you would know bc of his behaviors. But, being intelligent just isn't enough. He lacks social skills. He lacks the most basic "things you don't normally need to teach adults" skills. The absent-minded professor might be funny in a TV show, but it is disabling in real life.

 

My biggest regret is focusing on a college prep education for this child and thinking all the other life/social skills would develop over time bc he is just so smart. Surely he would absorb them like everyone else does. No. He didn't. We started interventions with him at 12 bc prior to 12 things just didn't seem like significant hurdles. However, the interventions were the "supplement," not the focus. That is my regret. He would have been far better served long-term if interventions had been the focus and academics the supplement. By 16, we should have totally shifted focus. By the time he was 18, he was in a program with other young adult Aspies and he was in no-man's land bc he was so far beyond them intellectually and academically, but he was most definitely on par with them socially and in life skills management.

 

So, if you have nigglings that things aren't quite right, don't ignore them. Seek interventions while they are little.

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Well, we finally got past the "participates on college level research teams, cannot tie her hiking boots" hurdle this fall (precisely, I think, due to embarrassment).  I'm also really seeing some good social development, where DD is starting to be able to find her way in a group and find appropriate behavior for that situation and get some enjoyment out of it, rather than moping about not having a "best" friend that's exactly like her. She's developed a lot in life skills and I'm actually starting to think that maybe, by college age, I'll be able to send her and she'll actually have a prayer of finding food/preparing food, doing her own laundry, and changing her clothes regularly without prompting. And maybe, by then, she'll write a paragraph longhand without acting like she's being forced to by the Spanish Inquisition.

 

One thing I have noticed, though, is that while she's always been older than many of her peers in her behavior, now she's both older and younger. She still sounds like an adult, and has that focus and concentration that makes her stand out. She still doesn't push limits in ways that many kids her age do. During Academic times, she seems almost like a teacher vs being a student. But after class, she still plays elaborate games with stuffed animals, still runs for the "good swing" at recess at co-op and is oblivious to the fact that most of the other kids who actually go to the playground instead of hanging back to talk are 6 and under. She wants to go to college right now, but not if she can't take her stuffed dragon and pet snakes.

 

 

She had a real bonding moment with a friend this weekend when she went to the friend's TKD tournament-and discovered that her friend had brought her stuffed friend that she'd had since she was a baby with her-because DD still won't go to a competition (or anywhere overnight) without Draggy being with her.

 

 

She's just an odd kid. Wicked smart, but odd.

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6 yr old reading Enders Game and Morris the Moose. (Sounds like me), taking notes on great courses prealgebra and watching UmiZoomi, does awesome detailed pictures, sometimes, does crude drawings closer to stick figures (but not quite) other times.

My kid is doing spelling from an old one room schoolhouse phonetically controlled speller (belonged to his great, great grandfather) and he's only up to 4-letter words, but he's doing well with the mct beginning grammer.

 

In my house asynchronisity means you don't have to learn things in order as long as you're learning all the materials. You can't get that kind of customized education just anywhere. I see asynchronisity as someone working a few years younger and a few years older at the same time, even in the same areas (like enjoying Enders Game and Danny the Dinosaur at the same time). MissKNG, I swear my kids best developed talent is the ability to make any topic realted to poop or farts. Well, now he says "fear" because of that "I smell fear, I just stepped in some fear" line from that new dinosaur movie.

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Asynchronisity allows you to still learn with a brain from a few years ago and a few years older, at least that's how I see it. I think it's like you can still get something out of something you should have outgrown and at the same time you're ready for things you shouldn't be ready for yet.

 

8FillTheHeart, that's a great reminder that smart covers a multitude of weaknesses, from the diagnosable ones like ASD to stealth dyslexia, the undiagnosed ones like crippling perfectionism and imposter syndrome, to the ones that you can't easily tell which is which, like overexcitabilities. Is my kid scared to go down the hall by himself, or scared of the noise the wind makes just an overactive imagination, normal kid thing, or something to worry about?

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DS7, reads at a 11th grade level, wants to study ancient weaponry, creates his own board games.

 

Can't tie his shoes. Cried because his team lost the super bowl.  Runs through the house yelling "bananas" (for no apparent reason).

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My biggest regret is focusing on a college prep education for this child and thinking all the other life/social skills would develop over time bc he is just so smart. Surely he would absorb them like everyone else does. No. He didn't. We started interventions with him at 12 bc prior to 12 things just didn't seem like significant hurdles. However, the interventions were the "supplement," not the focus. That is my regret. He would have been far better served long-term if interventions had been the focus and academics the supplement. By 16, we should have totally shifted focus. By the time he was 18, he was in a program with other young adult Aspies and he was in no-man's land bc he was so far beyond them intellectually and academically, but he was most definitely on par with them socially and in life skills management.

 

So, if you have nigglings that things aren't quite right, don't ignore them. Seek interventions while they are little.

 

Thanks for your perspective on this. We have a 9 y.o. Aspie, so this is good information for us.

 

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Here as youngsters my older kids (now identified gifted) did not look gifted at all.  The older was raging, the younger constantly wandering off to follow a butterfly or whatever caught his attention.  They were obviously highly creative, but would NOT write for anything.  Always loved to discuss...which as they have reached high school age was obviously showing their giftedness (but because I couldn't see the proof in the form of output, I didn't recognize it.)  Motor skills were delayed.  Writing was delayed.  Math facts were delayed.  Even reading was somewhat delayed, until it suddenly took off around age 12.  Curiosity and imagination were evident from an early age. Verbal skills and reasoning were highly developed in oldest, spacial skills advanced in 2nd from a young age.  But the slower areas made them seem more LD than gifted.  Now in HS they seem more gifted than LD.

 

Youngest is different...less asynchronous.  She toe walks, and gross motor is behind (but fine motor is great.)  Academically she does great, so its easy to see she's gifted from the start. 

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KIddo is finally able to color inside the lines for his group theory homework. He has to present his mentor with completed Cayley tables for an assigned dihedral group every 2-3 weeks and this month I noted that most of the colors are now within the lines. A vast improvement from the tables he did last year. Weird that I worry not about the math but little things like presenting clearly finished work. And no he still doesn't tie his laces or even knot the garbage bag neatly. I make him throw the garbage most of the time...he should've learned to knot it by now.

 

I do worry about his anxiety and perfectionism but I don't think his is as crippling as others we've known. We challenge him with real life tasks often just so he understands he is capable of doing these things. He roasted a whole chicken all on his own last Thanksgiving and it was seriously one of the best I've had but my heart was beating hard throughout worrying about burns and cuts and hot pans landing on feet. I can't help it. For me it's always a circus act, balancing, fine tuning, throwing him to the lions but also giving him a sturdy chair or two and a safe escape path when necessary. I can only stand in awe of others who manage much more.

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I do worry about Miss E a little.  I used to think she'd be the socially adept one, but now, I don't know.  She hardly ever talks about "friends" and when she does, it's usually about an agreement to bring a toy to school.  OK, not everyone needs to be an extrovert.  But lately she seems to be falling apart in academics.  She has gotten a few "Fs" on papers her average-ability sister aced.  I don't understand - what is she doing in class?  I am debating whether to send the teacher an email about this.  At home, she independently works on stuff beginning at the 3rd grade level and going up as high as she wants.  But it has to be on her own terms.  I don't know what this means for her future.

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We've had many banana meltdowns here. Last night I walked in on my daughter giving my husband very precise instructions on how to peel and slice her banana.  She's come a long way though, if she is trusting him to do it. 

 

 

8FillTheHeart:

Thank you for sharing that.  I decided to pull DD9 out of school because, among other things, her social-emotional skills are so out of whack.  She's incredibly intelligent and insightful, but has been wavering between 3 and 13 emotionally.  She's the model of "overexcitabilities."  Whatever the causes, I am making sure that social-emotional skill-building is a high priority.  She learns like lightning, so I can throw out the standard academic timeline, and work on building a stable foundation first.

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A child can listen to books and have a mature conversation about it, but cannot decode well enough to read it for himself.

 

A child can intuit math principles and gets a real high out of solving tough problems, but cries over math worksheets (b/c the reading & writing involved).

 

 

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A 2, my DS taught himself to read long before he learned how to climb on the couch.

I had the kid who was reading signs before she could walk, and who read her own 2nd birthday cards (and had a meltdown because the ABC puzzle was labeled "Ages 3 and up"). Gotta love asynchronous development.

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I do worry about Miss E a little. I used to think she'd be the socially adept one, but now, I don't know. She hardly ever talks about "friends" and when she does, it's usually about an agreement to bring a toy to school. OK, not everyone needs to be an extrovert. But lately she seems to be falling apart in academics. She has gotten a few "Fs" on papers her average-ability sister aced. I don't understand - what is she doing in class? I am debating whether to send the teacher an email about this. At home, she independently works on stuff beginning at the 3rd grade level and going up as high as she wants. But it has to be on her own terms. I don't know what this means for her future.

When I transferred to public school, I learned really quickly that no one likes the smart girl. Kids hated me for "having everything be easy" and teachers could have cared less because I "had everything under control." I started failing my homework and doing my brother's high school homework for him. Not only was it more challenging, but I got to have teacher's comments and write back and forth about it. I could be secretly smart and it was fantastic.

 

My son has learned not to be "weird kid smart" (as he calls it) with kids his age. "Mom, why don't they want to talk about Latin, or the trials of great heroes and how they relate to life? All they want me to do is just run after them all crazy or make fart sounds." Explaining that fart sounds and unregulated tag-like games were how many 7 year olds play was difficult for him to understand. He did it, but it was so soul crushing we decided to leave the homeschool group.

 

More than anything, many boys don't dig smart. Even those who say they do, don't dig gifted - asynchronous - wacko smart. I have to hide many things I'm into from my husband, even. Last year he finally admitted, "I used to think of myself as academic, and I liked that. Then I met you." It doesn't mean he doesn't love me or want me to get geeked out, but it is hard for people to relate to someone who enjoys esoteric subjects obsessively. It isn't that he wants to be married to a bimbo, but it feels like that sometimes. This is hard for me at 30 just as much as it was hard at 12. Just a thought about what your daughter might be going through.

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Coming late: when Calvin was five, he could barely hold a pencil, let alone start to form letters.  Meanwhile he was frighteningly articulate and was reading Harry Potter.

 

At 17, his handwriting is still terrible, but he has the right to use a laptop for exams and - because of adaptations during homeschooling - his intellectual development hasn't been held back.  Bizarrely, he took up the bass guitar two summers ago, and has developed dexterity and finger strength through that.  I suspect that a large shot of puberty hormones has allowed his muscles to develop.

 

L

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She read her basher basics astronomy book http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0753462907/ref=mp_s_a_1_fkmr2_1?qid=1392470348&sr=8-1-fkmr2&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70 in 30 minutes to and from the grocery store. She was able to explain it and what she read

 

Yet she doesn't know when she should wash her hands--just today she had a little piece of chocolate and had no clue she should go wash her hands and wiped chocolate on herself. She also has no clue when she is being obnoxious

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  • 1 year later...

This is how it looks here:

 

I am listening in as the children are playing together with plastic horses, and recognize that my 4-year-old is quoting a paragraph from Black Beauty verbatim, worked into the game from her horse's perspective.

 

My six-year-old can be whizzing through her math two years ahead of age/grade one day, complaining it is too easy, and the next day zone out and start spouting out random numbers on easy math she's known for a long time-which then turns into a major meltdown that it's too hard and she can't do it when I start to repeat the question.

 

My two-year-old is equally likely to pick between "Shapes, Shapes All Around", "The Big Red Barn", and "Uncover a Shark" for his bedtime story--and will gain equal pleasure from the simple baby shape book and from the involved discussions of shark skin and swim bladders vs. oversized livers.

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My older ds has lego space ships all over his desk along with problems like:

 

In a sequence of positive integers, an inversion is a pair of positions such that the element in the position to the left is greater than the element in the position to the right. For instance the sequence 2,5,3,1,3 has five inversions, between the first and fourth positions, the second and all later positions, and between the third and fourth positions. What is the largest possible number of inversions in a  sequence of positive integers whose sum is 2014?

 

:001_smile:

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Dd can almost beat me at chess, reads at a sixth grade level, and enjoys watching high school level science videos for fun.

 

She also can't even get her own shoes on, never mind tie them, needs help wiping her own butt, and regularly almost wanders into oncoming traffic.

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1 year on from my last reply...it hasn't changed very much. :lol: But there's some improvement in fine motor skills.

 

Loved watching him and his best buddy today. We just came home from celebrating Pi Day with his best buddy's family. DS is just under 12.5yo, his best buddy is almost 13. Both boys are taking in-person comm. college classes with >18 year-olds. They were discussing Gaussian primes (like much older guys) and throwing apple juice at each other (like toddlers) in the same breath.

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Today my 8yo decided she was going to talk like a baby at the restaurant.  (I have stopped caring what other people think of this.)  But what she said, in baby talk, was that she wanted to go back to the car to get her book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Book 7), so she could do some light reading while we waited for our table.

 

I won't even get into how she eats at restaurants.  It is gross.  And it's not because I have never taught her better.

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This is how it looks here:

 

I am listening in as the children are playing together with plastic horses, and recognize that my 4-year-old is quoting a paragraph from Black Beauty verbatim, worked into the game from her horse's perspective.

 

My six-year-old can be whizzing through her math two years ahead of age/grade one day, complaining it is too easy, and the next day zone out and start spouting out random numbers on easy math she's known for a long time-which then turns into a major meltdown that it's too hard and she can't do it when I start to repeat the question.

 

My two-year-old is equally likely to pick between "Shapes, Shapes All Around", "The Big Red Barn", and "Uncover a Shark" for his bedtime story--and will gain equal pleasure from the simple baby shape book and from the involved discussions of shark skin and swim bladders vs. oversized livers.

 

I admit I love to read The Big Red Barn; I'm always happy when a baby gets to The Big Red Barn age and I can read it every day for the next few months again. :)

 

My kids are not, tbh, hugely asynchronous - some motor development (esp. handwriting) lags the mental aspect, but it's not really debilitating.  

 

The only place I find that it is difficult to manage is with reading - doing math a few years ahead is no big deal, but reading stories about teenagers/adults when you're just 9 (or a 6 year old who wants to read Harry Potter) makes for a lot of weeding out on my part.

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