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Bullying ... is this normal?


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My dd19 went to school from 6th-12th grades. She experienced bullying at various times, but she also had a lot of emotional issues and her unique circumstances (older child adoption, attachment issues) made me feel that perhaps her school experiences was atypical (not acceptable, but perhaps atypical).

 

However, at hockey yesterday not one, not two, but three separate parents were discussing (in separate conversations) how their children were being bullied at school. One child was threatened with a knife and is now called a narc for telling on the child with the knife. One child has repeatedly been pushed into the lockers from behind and tripped on the playground. One child's school papers were being ripped up every day, and when the bully called the child a fag, the child finally reacted (shoved the kid) and was moved out of that class.

 

Sadly, all of the parents seemed to have some level of resignation about the situation. Is this type of experience normal for kids? All three kids are 11/12 year old boys. It breaks my heart for these kids, because they are such nice kids, excellent teammates, and my kids love them so much.

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My son is 12. He has disabilities, so maybe he doesn't fit your example. His public school had a strong reaction to stopping bullying when administrators were informed. The school knew about it before I did because students were reporting it to the the administration. It made me feel good that classmates were looking out for my son and the administration jumped on it quickly. 

 

On the other hand, my older ds was bullied (hit kicked pushed) at age 11 in a private school(very small) setting. They claimed they could not do anything. We reported the incidents to the police and that stopped the bully for most of the rest of the school year (ds wanted to finish the year). We did not go back to the school. The school did refuse to allow the bully to return, but that was probably in part due to the police attention. 

 

It depends on the school. I've heard of problems more often at private and parochial and religious schools more than my local public school. That said oldest did not go to public middle school--he returned to homeschool again before going to public high school. He was not bullied by classmates in high school (>2000 students). 

 

I am worried about middle school for my younger ds, but I have heard good things about the principal's approach to discipline. Hopefully, kids will still be willing to look out for him there. 

 

Anyway, it really depends on the school administration. 

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I had a friend in our neighborhood that moved last summer to a different school district after a 6th grader threatened her son with a knife. She had other concerns for 2 of 3 of her children that were adopted and are of a different race. There are a couple small golden schools I know of locally that aren't having as many problems with kids in this age range. This seems so incredibly young to me. :(

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My dd19 went to school from 6th-12th grades. She experienced bullying at various times, but she also had a lot of emotional issues and her unique circumstances (older child adoption, attachment issues) made me feel that perhaps her school experiences was atypical (not acceptable, but perhaps atypical).

 

However, at hockey yesterday not one, not two, but three separate parents were discussing (in separate conversations) how their children were being bullied at school. One child was threatened with a knife and is now called a narc for telling on the child with the knife. One child has repeatedly been pushed into the lockers from behind and tripped on the playground. One child's school papers were being ripped up every day, and when the bully called the child a fag, the child finally reacted (shoved the kid) and was moved out of that class.

 

Sadly, all of the parents seemed to have some level of resignation about the situation. Is this type of experience normal for kids? All three kids are 11/12 year old boys. It breaks my heart for these kids, because they are such nice kids, excellent teammates, and my kids love them so much.

AMDG

 

A number of years ago my daughter went to something for which I dropped her off and left for the first time, ever.  I had been suffering a bit of burn out and when I dropped her off I couldn't wait to get to the coffee shop and just sit there and read and have a lovely time alone, with no obligations for the moment.  While I sat there I was near some moms who were talking about what they were going to be doing this week.  All their kids were in school and they were stay at home moms and I confess that I was beyond jealous.  I could just imagine all the things I would do if I actually stayed at home and didn't work and didn't homeschool and didn't have my kiddo at home.  I spent two days like that.

 

I didn't go back to the coffee shop the next day but I did on Wednesday and sat, again, near a group of women.  This group, however, were meeting there b/c they were discussing what they were going to do about the bullying in their school.  As it turns out it was a small, private, elementary school but I know that doesn't matter.  Some were moms of bullied students, some were moms of kids who had witnessed bullying, and one brave mom was the mom of a kid accused of bullying.  THere were 8 or 9 of them.  As I sat and listened to their stories, and there were so many tears, I couldn't believe some of the stories they were sharing.  

 

Both episodes were unpleasant for me but I found myself being grateful that I had experienced listening in on both sets of moms.

 

I do think it is the norm . . .  which is different from feeling that it's normal.

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Sadly my older dd was also a magnet for bullying. She is really over weight but that doesn't discourage boys from making lots of comments about her big chest and the girlfriends of those boys were horrid. To this day she dyes her hair black to discourage some of it, but the damage is done. It is really sad to me that schools just do not have the smallest grip on this problem, and yet my youngest will go to school next year. It is a small school and I'm hoping it will be okay, but I will pull her out it if it really bad.

 

My cousin had to remove her son from ps back in OR because he was harassed for weeks by a gay student.who had a crush on him. Teachers saw it and knew about it but would not discipline the harassing student, probably because he is so much smaller than my cousin's son that it seemed silly to them. Finally my cousins son physically removed the harasser from his presence gently, without hurting him, but the boy complained to his parents who complained to the principal who said my cousin's son had committed a "hate crime". %^&* Anyone who knows the boy knows he is a gentle giant, many teachers knew he was being harassed but didn't care. Just stupid all the way around. His academic performance went way up when he began to home school.

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Sadly, I think it *is* normal.

 

We began homeschooling because of bullying. We dealt with normal bullying and s3xual harassment in both public and private schools.

 

In private schools, I think it's about the money, so they don't do anything (in our case, the kid should have been expelled, but NOTHING happened--- except our leaving the school).

 

In public schools, I think there are so many kids and so few teachers that many of them just stick their heads in the sand. My kids' elem. school had a 'zero tolerance' policy, but the teachers didn't stand in the halls when classes changed, so they didn't have to  couldn't witness the bullying and have to deal with it. It got fun when I had to approach the principal about ds' primary bully---- it was his own son, and yeah, nothing happened. :thumbdown:

 

I only see things getting worse as time goes on, as more and more kids are crammed into classes with one teacher, and no *adult* hall monitors. Also, 'blaming the victim' is very popular, as is 'punishment' like in-school suspension, which places no burden on parents to remedy the situation. I think parents become resigned many times, because once you follow proper channels, what is left? Where is there a safe place to go if it's happening in public and private schools? And camps? Even church camps? It's not even the 'elephant in the room'.... it's more like the 'mammoth in the room', and it's only going to get worse.

 

I'm so thankful we tried homeschooling. I have every intention of helping hs my grandkids, if I have some.

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I think it is a reality for the majority of students at some point. And it's maddening. I mean, do they have this problem in other countries?! I swear, it feels like Americans breed aggression.

 

I agree with Wendy that the variance in socioeconomics plays a big role.

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I think it is a reality for the majority of students at some point. And it's maddening. I mean, do they have this problem in other countries?! I swear, it feel a like Americans breed aggression.

 

I agree with Wendy that the variance in socioeconomics plays a big role.

I attended schools in five different countries on three continents. Bullying was a problem everywhere.

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I have two dds, 11 and 13, and both are in public middle school. We don't see it here. The school talks a lot about bullying and they've had a few workshops and assemblies. The school takes any incident seriously, but there haven't been all that many (at least that I'm aware of). My dds are not in the popular groups but they each have a large set of friends and none of them have been picked on or bullied. I know it's not that way in a lot of middle school but we've been fortunate. My youngest dd actually only ever experienced bullying from a homeschool group so it's definitely not only a public school issue.

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First, I am so sorry for what people are going through.

 

I agree that it depends on the school. My ds is in middle school and I would say that there is very little of the kind of bullying you describe. There is some more minor stuff, but it gets handled quickly. We are in NJ, which has some of the toughest anti-bullying laws in the U.S. Schools are required to have anti-bullying education and anti-bullying coordinators on staff, required to handle complaints with 24 hours, etc. There is a whole timeline of required actions for bullying events, if the parents of the bullied child wish to go that route.

 

The new laws have made a big difference, IMO, because they include not only punishments, but also proactive measures. However, they do come with a cost to the school district, since any complaint takes quite a bit of personnel time. Money well spent, IMO.

 

A good provision of the laws are that parents have to be notified immediately. The schools can't just 'handle it.' Btdt. Also, the laws apply outside of school as well as at school.

 

It makes my blood boil to read the posts in which administrators say they can do nothing about bullying.

 

I see here people are talking about boy bullying. Girl bullying can be entirely different. Read Odd Girl Out for that, or see the movie.

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I was bullied in grades 7-9.  Everyone knew. The whole town knew.  My dad was a new teacher (just out of college first teaching job) he was also morbidly obese at that time....  My parents knew that if they made an issue out of the bullying that my dad's contract would not be renewed and they asked me to 'look the other way'.  So I never retaliated for the name calling and PHYSICAL abuse I took those 3 long years. 

 

We moved to a different town when I began 10th (I was severely depressed-- parents kept working at same school and commuted).  I ended up with anorexia (not due to body size--I was already a string bean).

 

I ended up  teaching at that same school-- I was right out of college and my Dad was still teaching there (DH was still in college and I really really needed a job).  It was a horrid year (loved my students but same old drama was still there in that town).  During a football game one night one of my former bullies showed up.  She was carrying a small child.  She started to cry when she saw me.  She said she could not believe that I never retaliated-- that I kept on being 'nice' when they were all so mean to me.  She said she wanted her child to grow up like ME-- not the 'victim'-- but as a person who treats others with respect even in adversity. 

 

My parents always regretted not stepping in.  At least I know that some sort of 'good' came out of the situation.

 

--

PS-- my own girls have been 'bullied' at homeschool playdates and coops...  I think it is a huge issue in our country.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I see here people are talking about boy bullying. Girl bullying can be entirely different. Read Odd Girl Out for that, or see the movie.

Yes, girl bullying is different, tending more towards verbal and emotional than physical. I think this often makes it harder to identify and deal with. A group of girls who all turn their backs when a particular girl walks down the hall may not look like bullies to a casual observer.

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I was bullied in grades 7-9. Everyone knew. The whole town knew. My dad was a new teacher (just out of college first teaching job) he was also morbidly obese at that time.... My parents knew that if they made an issue out of the bullying that my dad's contract would not be renewed and they asked me to 'look the other way'. So I never retaliated for the name calling and PHYSICAL abuse I took those 3 long years.

 

We moved to a different town when I began 10th (I was severely depressed-- parents kept working at same school and commuted). I ended up with anorexia (not due to body size--I was already a string bean).

 

I ended up teaching at that same school-- I was right out of college and my Dad was still teaching there (DH was still in college and I really really needed a job). It was a horrid year (loved my students but same old drama was still there in that town). During a football game one night one of my former bullies showed up. She was carrying a small child. She started to cry when she saw me. She said she could not believe that I never retaliated-- that I kept on being 'nice' when they were all so mean to me. She said she wanted her child to grow up like ME-- not the 'victim'-- but as a person who treats others with respect even in adversity.

 

My parents always regretted not stepping in. At least I know that some sort of 'good' came out of the situation.

 

--

PS-- my own girls have been 'bullied' at homeschool playdates and coops... I think it is a huge issue in our country.

Wow, it must have taken courage for the former bully to talk to you as she did. I'm glad to know that at least some of the time bullies can grow up to acknowledge and regret the pain the have caused. It seems most of the adults who talk about bullying are those who were victims, while those who were not victims claim they never saw bullying in their schools...

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I was bullied in grades 7-9.  Everyone knew. The whole town knew.  My dad was a new teacher (just out of college first teaching job) he was also morbidly obese at that time....  My parents knew that if they made an issue out of the bullying that my dad's contract would not be renewed and they asked me to 'look the other way'.  So I never retaliated for the name calling and PHYSICAL abuse I took those 3 long years. 

 

We moved to a different town when I began 10th (I was severely depressed-- parents kept working at same school and commuted).  I ended up with anorexia (not due to body size--I was already a string bean).

 

I ended up  teaching at that same school-- I was right out of college and my Dad was still teaching there (DH was still in college and I really really needed a job).  It was a horrid year (loved my students but same old drama was still there in that town).  During a football game one night one of my former bullies showed up.  She was carrying a small child.  She started to cry when she saw me.  She said she could not believe that I never retaliated-- that I kept on being 'nice' when they were all so mean to me.  She said she wanted her child to grow up like ME-- not the 'victim'-- but as a person who treats others with respect even in adversity. 

 

My parents always regretted not stepping in.  At least I know that some sort of 'good' came out of the situation.

 

--

PS-- my own girls have been 'bullied' at homeschool playdates and coops...  I think it is a huge issue in our country.

 

 

 

It's not just in the U.S. When I was an exchange student overseas in high school there was quite a bit of bullying going on in schools there too.  Students had died because of it.

 

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It's not just in the U.S. When I was an exchange student overseas in high school there was quite a bit of bullying going on in schools there too.  Students had died because of it.

 

 

Our Japanese students and Chinese student have talked about bullying in schools there, mostly "girl bullying" (meaning social exclusion, etc.) since we've hosted young women, but it sounds like bullying is the same there as it is here. I think this is a human problem, not just a U.S. problem.

 

Cat

 

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I can't believe these stories of knives! What are all these zero tolerance policies for? We suspend kids for bringing a knife in their lunchbox, but a kid who threatens someone with a knife gets away with it?!?! If my kid was threatened with a knife, screw the school- I would call the police.

 

I think bullying is pretty common, but I don't think knives are common. I only know of one incident involving a knife at school and it was the kid who had been being bullied standing up for himself. He didn't just threaten, he stabbed the kid....but I don't remember what happened to him.

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Thanks to facebook I have seen that most of the bullies I went to school with are not good or happy people now. Allowing kids to bully does not do them any favors because the real world will be harsh to them. Some of the kids who were bullies when I went to school live in the middle of nowhere now. I am not surprised. Their neighbors and coworkers would not put up with their behavior. The only bully I went to school with who appears to be happy on facebook changes jobs quite a bit. I suspect she just cant get along with people at all no matter how much she pretends her life is different.

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I honestly think the increase in bullying is a direct representation of the unhappiness of people nowadays.

 

My brother, even 23 or so years ago, WAS that bully. I remember him and his friends tormenting 3 different girls on the bus every.single.day. Bullies are unhappy people.

 

Well, he took his life 5 years ago and guess what his suicide note said? "I am not happy. I've never been happy my whole life".

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I am in the middle of reading "Hold onto your kids".  Well, sort of in the middle, I take it to lunch and randomly open a page and start reading.  Not my normal method.  The book had an interesting and plausible theory on bullying.  Basically that a common cause is peer-oriented vs. family oriented.  From my memory, this is the basis of the theory

 

1)  We are designed to attach to our parents.  

2)  If we don't, then we attach to the people/someone nearby.  Like a baby goose deciding that a person's boots are Mommy and following that person around.

3)  Attachments during childhood are fundamentally dominant/submissive.  When the attachment is with a parent, this isn't a problem.  

4)  Problem comes in when the attachment is to other kids.  A freaky dominant/submissive thing comes in.  The Bully is attaching to their classmates and has decided to never be on the low-end.  

5) Sometimes the child is naturally submissive and will turn themselves into a pretzel to be accepted by their peers, including accepting the bullying and coming back for more.  

 

It had some interesting examples from the animal world.  Like when an area had too many Elephants, they culled the adults when the young were old enough to survive on their own (could have just the males or maybe females too.  Memory fuzzy on this point). Then, white rhinos started being beat to death.  Authorities were confused until they saw the teenage males trampling a white rhino.  They brought in an older male, and the trampling stopped.  Another example was (monkeys?, apes?) where a group of of young was deliberately brought up together without their parents around, so they raised each other.  The result was that they behaved like mean High School students.  

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It was the norm when I was in school; it's definitely playing into my decision to keep homeschooling one of my dds until high school.  My eldest is in public high school now and hasn't been bullied at all.  Not sure if she sees it in others though. 

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I admit it gave me great pleasure to find out some people that bothered me in school ended up having a sucky life.

 

When I was in 6th grade, I had a huge crush on a boy, and I finally worked up the nerve to ask him to sign my yearbook. He took it back to his desk, and I lost sight of it. When it came back to me, it said, "You're a total fag!" I was crushed. I found out later in the day that a girl I thought was my friend had taken my yearbook from the boy's desk and written that. I have never spoken to her since, and at my 15th high school reunion, when she started walking toward me, I turned my back on her. I know that's childish, but I don't really care. I didn't need in her in my life, and I didn't want any apology from her (if she even intended to give one). I do know that this girl is not married, and all I can (meanly) think is, "Who'd want her anyway?" I know that's cruel, but she was a cruel person from 6th grade all the way through high school. (The fall after the yearbook incident, the boy apologized to me and said he was embarrassed but didn't know what to do when he saw what the girl had written.)

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I don't find that normal.  When there was much more minor bullying at the boys' school, I reported it immediately.  The head of senior school had a friend die due to bullying when they were teenagers.  He treats it very, very seriously.

 

When Hobbes was bullied (minor but distressing activities) during a cub scout camp, the cub scout leader told the perpetrators that they had used up their one chance.  If there was every another incident, they would be out, and out of scouts in this region forever.

 

L

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When Hobbes was bullied (minor but distressing activities) during a cub scout camp, the cub scout leader told the perpetrators that they had used up their one chance.  If there was every another incident, they would be out, and out of scouts in this region forever.

 

I wish places around here took bullying that seriously. When my dd was repeatedly threatened with being waited for after school and beaten up, both girls had to go to "peer mediation," and each child's feelings were considered valid. My dd had to listen to the other girl whine about how she (other girl) believed my dd liked this girl's boyfriend (my dd didn't) and validate her feelings. Then my dd had to write up an action plan on how to avoid conflict with the girl in the future. Had I been in charge, the issue would have been handled this way: "Hey, young punk! If you ever beat up, or threaten to beat up, anyone in this school, you will be kicked out. Goodbye." I think part of the problem is that kids in this country are guaranteed an education, and parents are lawsuit-happy, so schools are afraid to hold kids accountable for being little beasts.

 

If I ever found out that my child bullied another child at an activity, my child would be pulled from that activity, forever. That's how seriously I take it.

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I think part of the problem is that kids in this country are guaranteed an education, and parents are lawsuit-happy, so schools are afraid to hold kids accountable for being little beasts.

 

If I ever found out that my child bullied another child at an activity, my child would be pulled from that activity, forever. That's how seriously I take it.

 

I think that this is the problem with public organisations in general.  Scouts and the boys' school are both private, so they can lay down the law.

 

That said: children can be excluded from state ('public' in the US sense) schools.  The excluded child does have the right of appeal - my father used to serve as a lay magistrate on appeals boards - but there is at least a mechanism.

 

L

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I was bullied in 4th and 5th grade. I was in the talented and gifted program, so these were supposed to be "smart" kids. It was a predominantly white middle or upper middle class group. When we went on to Middle school (6-8), it was the same kids for the most part, because we were all still in that program. We kept the same 4 teachers for both 7th and 8th grade and we rotated around with them. Somehow my "status" rose by 7th grade, and I was not really messed with anymore, but my 3 friends were harassed horribly.  I also witnessed a small group of boys get bullied on a regular basis. The strange thing is that you could tell that the teachers were annoyed/bothered by the bullied students.  *I doubt the teachers realized it, but the kids that they only tolerated or outright disliked were the same students who got bullied. I saw no disapproval of the students who were the bullies. The teachers knew who held "top status" and did nothing to change the dynamic. We were a very closed group, so I don't know if the same paradigm exists elsewhere, but I find it interesting as I reflect back through adult eyes.

 

 

 

ETA: To clarify: * I doubt the teachers realized the depth of harassment and bullying that these kids experienced, and I doubt that they would attribute any of it to their own reactions or inaction.

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If a parent knows a child is being severely bullied and does nothing, I consider him or her complicit. I still resent the carp of my parents for leaving me in a substandard, violent school district, year after year. They saw me extremely unhappy, they saw me "wither" and go emotionally flat, and did nothing. The damage is fairly permanent.I think parents should go straight to the police and file assault charges, period. Most schools handle it very poorly. I have ZERO toleration. 

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Public schools can cultivate a good atmosphere. The school I attended in Michigan was fabulous. We had big classes, 33 kids per room. I do not remember a time when kids were mean to another kid. We were conditioned from Kindergarten to treat one another kindly. I remember coloring a picture in 1st grade. Class was interrupted briefly because a kid from another class performed a dance or gymnastics routine. I can't remember but she was wearing an outfit and there was music. At some point I picked up my crayon and colored a part of the picture. I wasn't the only one. After the girl left, the teacher called half a dozen of us out to the hall and gave us a lecture about being polite. The teachers took character training very seriously.

 

Moving to Kansas was a rude awakening. Small school, small class sizes, mean kids. For Valentine's Day, parents or grandparents would send flowers or balloons to the school. Kids would be called out of class to come get their flowers. A parent could send a balloon to their kid in Michigan, too - if they bought one for every kid in the class. In Kansas, policies were made to favor the parents/kids who mattered. And it was very clear in town who mattered.

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I wish places around here took bullying that seriously. When my dd was repeatedly threatened with being waited for after school and beaten up, both girls had to go to "peer mediation," and each child's feelings were considered valid. My dd had to listen to the other girl whine about how she (other girl) believed my dd liked this girl's boyfriend (my dd didn't) and validate her feelings. Then my dd had to write up an action plan on how to avoid conflict with the girl in the future. Had I been in charge, the issue would have been handled this way: "Hey, young punk! If you ever beat up, or threaten to beat up, anyone in this school, you will be kicked out. Goodbye." I think part of the problem is that kids in this country are guaranteed an education, and parents are lawsuit-happy, so schools are afraid to hold kids accountable for being little beasts.

 

If I ever found out that my child bullied another child at an activity, my child would be pulled from that activity, forever. That's how seriously I take it.

I remember having to sit through something like this with one of my bullies.  Did not help at all.  My mum went on the warpath and tore the school a new one!  Then she pulled me out.  It's not a major reason for us choosing to homeschool.

 

One of my children has been targeted by homeschooled bullies too.  And I'm getting seriously angry about it!

 

The meanness unfortunately sounds normal to me, the knives doesn't.  I remember a stabbing with scissors incident at my highschool.  I think it's a supervision issue, right from Kinder.

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Yes and no.

 

I think it is normal for bullying g to develop at those ages if the children are under supervised. I also believe a culture had developed around it that serves to normalize it "kids will be kids" and the stupid walk away advice.

 

Kids that age are exploring power while needing peer acceptance. I'm the absence of consistent engage adults, this moves into bullying.

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Bullying contributed to us homescholing, but we did not know the full extent of what was going on until after we had pulled her out of school. Had I know, I would have made a big stink at the school.

School turned a blind eye; I don't believe no duty teacher noticed that the class did not allow one student sit at the lunch table with them for an entire school year. Middle school girls are just vicious.

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I am very sorry to hear about all of your experiences, and scared for my grandchildren someday!  My own children were in school full-time until 3rd grade, and then only in school part-time off and on after that and until high school graduation.  However, given that we live in a small town, we know most of the kids and families.  I honestly did not hear about many cases of bullying in all the years my kids were in school.  I'm sure there was some, and I did hear of a few cases, (not physical bullying, but emotional), but in general I think there are a lot of good kids in the school system here who take leadership and step in if there's a bully.  And maybe, because both the student and the teacher leadership is strong and positive, most of the kids fall into line.

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Kids who bully happen in and out of school. Homeschoolers aren't immune.

 

 

Yes, definitely. My dd has always been homeschooled. All the neighborhood kids used to play together, homeschooled and public schooled, it didn't matter. Then it was like a switch was flipped once they were all in about 4th grade, and the group of girls my dd was hanging around with started bullying her and ganging up on her.

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Yes, definitely. My dd has always been homeschooled. All the neighborhood kids used to play together, homeschooled and public schooled, it didn't matter. Then it was like a switch was flipped once they were all in about 4th grade, and the group of girls my dd was hanging around with started bullying her and ganging up on her.

 

Yes, homeschooling does not make immune to bullying. I was first naive about it, but when the big group of girls in our home school group reached preteen age, the bullying started. If anything it became extra nasty because the homeschooling mothers got involved.

 

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One of the primary reasons I homeschool is because of the years of bullying I endured at a Catholic elementary school.

 

I think it has always been a problem but it has escalated over the years with the use of weapons and access to social media which continues the torment 24/7.

 

School districts are reluctant to tuition-out troubled kids who engage in aggressive behavior because it costs the district extra money. In most cases they may offer a room change or some such concession to the victim in the hopes that solves the problem. Getting the police involved is very effective at times but why should it come to that?

 

It makes me sad to see not much has changed in all these years with regards to this issue.

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There seems to be a different type of bullying in our HS circle than in PS. I haven't noticed any of the materialistic type bullying for not having the right clothes and other luxury goods among the HSers. The bullying seems to be more namecalling: "so-and-so called me fat!" (from a child who is actually on the slender side).

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I wish places around here took bullying that seriously. When my dd was repeatedly threatened with being waited for after school and beaten up, both girls had to go to "peer mediation," and each child's feelings were considered valid. My dd had to listen to the other girl whine about how she (other girl) believed my dd liked this girl's boyfriend (my dd didn't) and validate her feelings. Then my dd had to write up an action plan on how to avoid conflict with the girl in the future. Had I been in charge, the issue would have been handled this way: "Hey, young punk! If you ever beat up, or threaten to beat up, anyone in this school, you will be kicked out. Goodbye." I think part of the problem is that kids in this country are guaranteed an education, and parents are lawsuit-happy, so schools are afraid to hold kids accountable for being little beasts.

 

If I ever found out that my child bullied another child at an activity, my child would be pulled from that activity, forever. That's how seriously I take it.

 

As a teacher, I saw a bit of that.  I had a student in my Physics class who was a lovely boy.  He was personable, friendly with his classmates and their response was friendly to him.  He was a geeky Hispanic in a 90% Hispanic school, mostly illegals.  In Texas we have "Alternative schools" where the troublemakers are sent.  This boy was ambush attacked in the cafeteria and because he defended himself, he ended up being transferred to the same school as the attacker.  Zero tolerance at its finest.  

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As a teacher, I saw a bit of that.  I had a student in my Physics class who was a lovely boy.  He was personable, friendly with his classmates and their response was friendly to him.  He was a geeky Hispanic in a 90% Hispanic school, mostly illegals.  In Texas we have "Alternative schools" where the troublemakers are sent.  This boy was ambush attacked in the cafeteria and because he defended himself, he ended up being transferred to the same school as the attacker.  Zero tolerance at its finest.  

 

The sad thing is that if this happened out in the real world (not on school property), there would be an investigation to find out what happened, perhaps even a trial. The aggressor would be found guilty. On school property, though, it's crazy and the victim suffers for the crimes committed against him.

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