My 3 year old is driving me insane!

[A home for their hearts]

I don't even know where to start.  He is very spirited.  He is on the go from the time he gets up in the morning until the time he goes to bed (he doesn't take a nap)  He is full of energy.  Which isn't necessarily a bad thing unless I'm trying to do schoolwork with someone and he is reeking havoc all over the house.  I'm really beginning to wonder if he has ADHD.  He is very hard to disciple, I've tried just about everything.  It's gotten to the point now when I put him in time out he laughs at me.  :banghead:   Things seem to have gotten worse the last couple of weeks.  I know some of it is him trying to get attention.  With some many kids it's hard to find time for everyone.  Anyone suggestions?  Good book recommendations? 

[SKL]

Have you tried giving him something genuinely hard to do?  And have an officially scheduled time (or times) when you focus on him exclusively.  And check in with him periodically without his having to demand it.

 

Have you considered group preschool?

[Onceuponatime]

A rebounder (mini trampoline low to the floor) was wonderful for a couple of my kids.  My SIL just bought one for her 4yo and is ecstatic over it. Those toy horses you could get on and just bounce away in place were terrific too, but I don't think they make them any more

[Dory]

A trampoline worked well here too, and one of those inflatable bopping punching bags for kids. My youngest is a mover and troublemaker. It might seem like the discipline isn't doing anything, but keep at it, persistence and consistency do seem to pay off after a LONG while. You could let him have a little caffiene and see if that calms him down. That works for a lot of people, myself included. Cutting out modern wheat also helped a lot with ds.

[A home for their hearts]

I never though of a tramoline.  I'm having trouble finding one online.  Does anyone have any specific recommendations?

 

Dory, whenyou say caffiene, should I just give him some pop?  What would you suggest?

[OneStepAtATime]

Agreed on the mini trampoline, plus a punching bag.  He was also in the Little Gym program around the corner from our house at that age and I try to have scheduled times for concentrated one on one attention that are scheduled so he knows he will get time with me and he knows that time won't be blown off continually as other things take precedent.

 

If I make a promise to do something with him, I try very, very hard to honor that commitment.  When he was younger I did not truly appreciate how many times he would be told I would play with him in a minute or work with him on a project soon or whatever, and then that time would stretch longer and longer and sometimes never actually happen after all.  When I was constantly letting other things interfere that seemed more pressing, his behavior deteriorated and he had a hard time waiting patiently for me because he had no guarantee that I actually ever WOULD give him one on one attention.  Scheduling it helped.  Also, I started making house chores a fun thing we would do together, including singing songs, and he was "apprenticing" so there was no expectation that he would preform everything right the first time.  He felt great being in training, loved having the time together, and it burned up energy.

[PeachyDoodle]

We have one of those bouncy horses -- it's called a Rockin' Rider Pony. My parents bought it last year, so I know they're still around.

 

But he might outgrow that faster than a trampoline. I think I have seen those in the One Step Ahead catalog?

[Starr]

Don't worry if he laughs or isn't upset about a time out. They are for calming down.  :D I had one that wasn't fazed by sitting on the stairs but it did help with refocusing. The other one was on and off the stairs with regularity because she would get so wired she didn't know what she was doing. Once naps were gone we all had a quiet time on our beds. I think it would be hard to be 3 and all of your sibs doing school work. Is he a lot different from your first two or do you have more demands on your time? He will get older. Hang on!

[Tiramisu]

I had one like that at 3. She's still like that at 11 and always needs something to keep her busy. I love the trampoline idea. We got more use out of our trampoline than anything else we ever purchased, except our house. Once she learned to read, life was easier. 

 

Caffeine can help those with ADHD focus. Using pop may not be a good idea because of the sugar. Mine gets wilder with sugar, though not all kids do. 

[OneStepAtATime]

I think this is the one we got...but it was on sale for $25 at the time.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Pure-Fun-9002MT-38-inch-Trampoline/dp/B002N5DVGK

[trulycrabby]

The hoppy ball was very, very popular at our house:

 

http://www.amazon.com/Gymnic-Hop-45-Hop-Ball-Yellow/dp/B000BPN3JY/ref=sr_1_11?s=toys-and-games&ie=UTF8&qid=1390078039&sr=1-11&keywords=bouncy+ball+with+handle

 

Mini trampoline also works; we have found a variety of items helps stave off boredom. DS10 used to rotate; 5 minutes on the trampoline, 10 minutes on the bouncy ball, 5 minutes doing handstands, cartwheels, plank position, side plank, back bends, burpees, etc...kind of like kiddie circuit training...

 

I used to take him on long walks, too. We still do this every week.

[Dory]

I never though of a tramoline.  I'm having trouble finding one online.  Does anyone have any specific recommendations?

 

Dory, whenyou say caffiene, should I just give him some pop?  What would you suggest?

 

Pop has too much sugar and doesn't affect as much. chocolate covered coffee beans are pretty good for a little bit of caffeine. Some kids like tea, some like weak coffee. ADHD kids often respond well to caffeine.

[redsquirrel]

ha! I just pulled out our mini-tramp today. I have an exercise rebounder that actually folds up. It has a big sort of handle on it to hold on to. It isn't easy to fold up. We only fold it up when we put it away during the warmer weather. But we took it out today and it will go away around the end of May. We don't have a lot of space and we just sort of move it around all winter, lol. But, it is worth it. They have spend many a school day memorizing prepositions on that trampoline. 

 

My boys are now 13 and 9 and I don't know how we get through the winter without the trampoline.  And, I really feel your pain. Both my boys were just gogogogo at that age. Swimming lessons, lots and lots of swimming lessons. Tired the little beasties right out! Every winter I regret our decision not to own a TV, because I wish we had one of those interactive TV video game systems where you can play soccer or dance etc. I think those are great when used for active kids.

 

And get a proper exercise rebounder. Don't bother with something sold as a kiddie trampoline. Ours has lasted for about 10 years and it is still going strong. I even get the occasional rebound exercise session on it during the winter.

 

At first you will have be very strict about only one kid at a time and holding onto the handle when jumping and taking turns, but they will get used to the rules.

[A home for their hearts]

ha! I just pulled out our mini-tramp today. I have an exercise rebounder that actually folds up. It has a big sort of handle on it to hold on to. It isn't easy to fold up. We only fold it up when we put it away during the warmer weather. But we took it out today and it will go away around the end of May. We don't have a lot of space and we just sort of move it around all winter, lol. But, it is worth it. They have spend many a school day memorizing prepositions on that trampoline. 

 

My boys are now 13 and 9 and I don't know how we get through the winter without the trampoline.  And, I really feel your pain. Both my boys were just gogogogo at that age. Swimming lessons, lots and lots of swimming lessons. Tired the little beasties right out! Every winter I regret our decision not to own a TV, because I wish we had one of those interactive TV video game systems where you can play soccer or dance etc. I think those are great when used for active kids.

 

And get a proper exercise rebounder. Don't bother with something sold as a kiddie trampoline. Ours has lasted for about 10 years and it is still going strong. I even get the occasional rebound exercise session on it during the winter.

 

At first you will have be very strict about only one kid at a time and holding onto the handle when jumping and taking turns, but they will get used to the rules.

Could you tell me what brand your rebounder is?  I found a kid trampoline at One Step Ahead's website but it's $99.  I'm curious how much more a rebounder is.  I can't afford to put out a lot of money on something like this.

[KungFuPanda]

I cheated. My son went to developmental preschool. It was just a couple hours a day, but it gave me time to finish my daughter's school day. By the time he returned home for K, he was more mature and much less of a distraction.

[twoxcell]

I don't have any magic advice but I wanted to chime in and say for my kids 3 was the hardest age so far. If it is the terrible 2's then I would call it the horrendous 3's. This was true for all of my kids except the youngest he has always been pretty mellow. Hang in there and be consistent. :)

[redsquirrel]

Ours was prob about 99$. It is about 45 inches across and 10 inches off the ground. It has a handrail and a thing-y that wraps around the springs to keep fingers out.

 

 

I am pretty sure we got it here:

http://www.1800trampoline.com/48-foldable-indoor-outdoor-trampoline-w-handrail.aspx

 

 

[PeterPan]

Well I'll be the ogre and say I'm the one who strapped my boy like that down...   :lol: 

 

Seriously, I put a booster seat on a chair where I wanted to work and strapped him down.  Set a timer for say 3 minutes and feed him snacks the entire time or funnel toys and praise when the timer goes off and let him run.  Next day do 4 minutes.  When he has built up to 45 minutes to an hour, you're golden.  Then make plans and a routine for your lives.  Half of your problem is not his energy but the needing a routine about where he puts the energy.  They need a LOT of structure and consistent routine.  Frankly, I'm not the woman to implement it, lol.  My dh finally stepped in an established a bedtime that is rather inviolable.  Even if he's not tired, he goes in with the iPad and isn't to come out.  That starts at 8:15 pm.  So I at least get peace a few hours a day, lol.  When he wakes up, he's usually pretty high energy.  If I'm going to work with him, that's actually the time to do it, first thing, before anything or anyone else.  Have you tried some school work with him?  BFIAR and some Kumon maze books would do.  Doesn't have to be anything fancy, just read alouds, something simple.  It will fill up his bucket and make him more ready to play alone.  

 

I tried for a while to keep them together, and for a while it worked.  Finally, around 4, it got to where I established the separate floors rule: he has to play quietly on the floor where dd is or go to the other floor (basement vs. main floor).  For us, that helps immensely.  Now he's old enough to play nicely quietly.  I tried daily bins, and they were kind of so-so.  He seems to have his favorite things that he plays with, where the daily bins he wanted me to help him with (puzzles, Mr. Potato Head, stuff that is more fun together).  The point is, they can at least start to learn some RULES and have that structure.  

 

Nope, no naps here for years and years, ugh.  He gets quiet time in front of a video.  Again, that's a routine that makes our lives practical.  If he rises at 8:30 am, does some read alouds for a 1/2 hour, gets dressed (our other major rule: get dressed before you eat), and has room check, by then it's say 9:30.  Strap him down from 9:30-10:30, snack, free play on the opposite floor from 10:45-11:45, lunch, then quiet time from 12-1:30 pm...  Something like that.  It's a flow that keeps us sane.  He likes Calliou but only recently would sit still long enough for Mr. Rogers.  Signing Time was great for him at age 3.  There is a homeschooling family that has made some really cute Lego Bible story videos he enjoys.  

 

Age 3 is a fuzz young for Playmobil, but it can be done if you do it with him.  Now that my ds is 5, he's nuts, positively nuts for playmobil.  I invested in several sets for Christmas, simply because they're such a good way to keep him focused and engaged.  The iPad is very calming for him and gets him back to a peaceful, calm, focused state, so he now gets more iPad time.  

[NASDAQ]

Playmobil has a set for the littler ones now that my two smaller play with -- Playmobil 1-2-3. Have to say though that of my four, my two high needs ones aren't as into Playmobil as the two mellower ones. The 5 yo and the 1 yo will play with it endlessly. The 3 yo prefers to follow me around screaming at me.

[A home for their hearts]

Elizabeth, you are right, we do need a routine.  I can write out a rountine on paper but actually doing it is the hard part, especially with an unpredictable baby.  Since my baby isn't on a schedule, I never know when he is going to nap.  I try to do as much school work as I can with my older kids when the baby naps.  He will usually take a nap in the morning and one in the afternoon but never at the same time. 

 

I really like your idea of focusing on my 3 year first thing in the morning.  I'm gonna start doing that.  He also can't sit still when eating.  He is constantly getting up.  It's hard to discpline a 3 year old when you have a 20lb baby you're lugging around!  I also like your idea of strapping him to a booster sit and slowly buildling up the time he sits in it.  Thanks!

[DawnM]

This is not a diagnosis, but this is how my oldest was.  We had him tested for ADHD, he went to preschool full time because I worked, and they kept telling me how horrible he was at nap time.  They ended up breaking all the rules for him……he COULD have a pacifier, he COULD have a toy at nap time…..all because he wouldn't sleep.  He would stand up when everyone fell asleep and say, "SOMEBODY WAKE UP AND PLAY WITH ME!"  :laugh:   (it wasn't funny at the time!)

 

Turns out he has Asperger's.   For whatever reason, he hated sleeping.  What he thought he would miss is beyond me.

 

He slept through the night around age 4 FINALLY.  It was miserable.

 

 

[PeterPan]

Elizabeth, you are right, we do need a routine.  I can write out a rountine on paper but actually doing it is the hard part, especially with an unpredictable baby.  Since my baby isn't on a schedule, I never know when he is going to nap.  I try to do as much school work as I can with my older kids when the baby naps.  He will usually take a nap in the morning and one in the afternoon but never at the same time. 

 

I really like your idea of focusing on my 3 year first thing in the morning.  I'm gonna start doing that.  He also can't sit still when eating.  He is constantly getting up.  It's hard to discpline a 3 year old when you have a 20lb baby you're lugging around!  I also like your idea of strapping him to a booster sit and slowly buildling up the time he sits in it.  Thanks!

You might think in terms of what follows what, rather than specific times. For instance, we always have quiet time after lunch, whether we eat lunch at 11:30 or 1:30 or 3:30.  Also, have you made a chart with columns for all your kids and figured out where you are in that?  You might find you'd need to clone yourself to implement the plan you had been working with.  Might need to resolve that.   :D

[Annie]

I have a super high energy three year old boy, too. He stopped napping at 18 months. I feel your pain. I can't imagine how hard it would be to get school done. He will be four in May, and he's JUST starting to play with toys a little bit. A very little bit, but it's something. He's very much an extrovert, and he wants to talk to me every second he's awake (which is always, lol). Summer is better, but this year we're trading in our big, fenced in back yard for a two bedroom apartment, so we'll see how that goes. I'm very lucky in that he's a genuinely sweet boy, but his energy level is out of control. I take heart in the fact that my grandma would always say that my dad was absolutely impossible when he was small, but once he got older he was by far her easiest.

[Dory]

For routines, just make a loose list of what needs to happen before what. Such as here, we have morning which is breakfast, get dressed, make bed, brush teeth, practice piano and do math, grammar, geography, reading, and logic (or logic puzzles). They don't have to happen in that order, but it gives them an idea of what I expect before I head over to make lunch. My oldest now has to finish science in the morning as well, and sometimes my dd does as well, but I don't require it of her. After lunch they all go outside and burn off a little energy for an hour. Sometimes I join them and sometimes I use that time to catch up on a few things or get some bread started. Then they come back in and we finish up school and they each do two chores from the chore list in the fridge.

 

My kids have checklists much like the Timberdoodle school checklists. I have one for their weekly school work and another for their daily chores and self care. I broke them up into morning and afternoon on the daily list. It gives enough structure that it keeps my kids motoring and yet not so much structure that I can't bend a few things if I need to.

 

I have found we get more done if I don't fight the energy so much as consistently try to give it healthy direction and slowly teach them self control. I don't expect a child under the age of 10 to sit still for an hour. My kids sit through church, but they don't sit still the same as they would have to if they were strapped down. My youngest even had an old organ stool for his seat at the table for awhile so that he could move in one place. I expect him to stay there for 20-30 minutes, but he's 6 years old now. I was only asking 10-15 min when he was 3-4. Piano lessons helped a little with his learning to sit for that length of time as well. The timer was set for him to practice for 10 minutes every day when he was 3. My dd8 is required to sit in one place for lessons for 40-45 min. My ds10 sits for a full hour with his work. And hour is my max as well. After that I have learned to continue sitting if necessary, but I won't hear a thing that is taught or said. I can nod and sometimes put out appropriate responses, but my mind can't focus for that long.

 

The 3's are a hard time, but it passes so long as you stick with it. Hang in there. The best advice I could ever give is to not fight it so much as work with it. Don't try to force him to become what you think he should, but slowly teach him how to find that middle ground of what is appropriate behaviour without him losing what makes him him. Active is good and healthy.

[Ann.without.an.e]

You might think in terms of what follows what, rather than specific times. For instance, we always have quiet time after lunch, whether we eat lunch at 11:30 or 1:30 or 3:30. Also, have you made a chart with columns for all your kids and figured out where you are in that? You might find you'd need to clone yourself to implement the plan you had been working with. Might need to resolve that. :D

Just to ditto Elizabeth, we always found a routine set by time impossible to keep but a routine of what follows what was a life saver.

[Mom in High Heels]

I don't have any magic advice but I wanted to chime in and say for my kids 3 was the hardest age so far. If it is the terrible 2's then I would call it the horrendous 3's. This was true for all of my kids except the youngest he has always been pretty mellow. Hang in there and be consistent. :)

 

Dear heavens, YES!  Two was a breeze with Indy, but 3 was just awful.  Two has been pretty decent with Han Solo, but the closer we get to 3, the worse it gets.  I do NOT look forward to 3!  Han Solo is a much busier boy than Indy was, and I think the trampoline might be a good idea for him.

 

We do have a pretty good schedule, and I think that helps.  We get up around 8/8:30 am (thank you homeschooling!), have breakfast, and Han Solo plays while Indy and I do school.   Han Solo goes down for "rest time" from 11 to 12, though he doesn't sleep any more, but lays in there are plays and sings.  Still, he's in a darkish room and it's quiet (except for him).  If he doesn't get that rest time, he's a mess in the afternoon.  We eat lunch right after he gets up, then he plays.  If Indy's done with school, he plays with Han Solo, or I will play with him if Indy goes outside.  From 3:30-5, he goes down for another nap and he does actually sleep. We eat dinner around 6, then he gets a bath, plays for a while, and goes to bed at 7:30.  When we've been on vacation, and his schedule is messed up, he can get cranky.    Routine is important to him.  It was for Indy too.