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Urgent Prayer Request for DS


eaglei

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Dearest eaglei,

 

I am heartbroken. I came on specifically to get an update on your son. I am so very sorry for such a great loss. May God, His word and His presence comfort you and your family. I have marked every Thursday to lift you and your family in prayer. 

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :crying:

 

Lisa

 

 

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DS's Update – Coming Full Circle

 

Written:  July 7, 2015

 

Preamble:  September 7, 2015

 

Posted:  September 20, 2015

 

 

- - - - - - -

 

 

September 7, 2015

 

 

Don’t know why I haven’t posted this yet, even though folks have been asking me about it.  Maybe because grief takes so many different paths and is such an individual process.  “Grieving†is an understated word.  It doesn’t capture at all what life is like right now.  The pain, the heartache, the emptiness.  The cruel callousness of some who freely tell you how to grieve – what it says, how it acts, how it looks – when they have never watched their only child pass from this life to the next. 

 

 

God has blessed me by bringing three people into my life who know from experience – two mothers who had only sons, and one dad who had an only daughter.  They have not sugarcoated the reality of grief nor of the grieving process.  Nor have they made Christianity and its truth and the beliefs we hold dear into a watered-down, easy fix for a bleeding brokenness that defies description.

 

 

I remain confident that the same God Who was with me as I watched my son suffer through cancer three times, is the same God Who is yet with me, walking with me in this horrible grief, and Who will, in His time, bring me to that place where I have entered the new norm so that, while the pain may remain, it will no longer predominate.

 

 

God is gracious.  He blessed me with a wonderful job that keeps me otherwise focused for a part of most days.  Even on the many days when I drive to work with blurred vision because the tears come unstoppably when they will, He dries them and soothes my spirit before I enter the door; He puts the smile on my face and in my heart that greets the people.

 

 

The house is overwhelmingly empty without ds – he filled it.  God gets me through the hours here, too.  Somehow one foot goes in front of the other and very basic things are accomplished.  In time, the bigger things will follow – sorting through ds’ belongings; writing notes; pulling in the driveway just one time or walking into his room just one time and not crying; smiling, instead of increased sadness, at the memories, and so very much more.

 

 

God is able. 

 

 

Blessed be the name of the Lord.

 

 

- - - - - - -

 

 

September 20, 2015

 

 

Except for some typos, I have not edited the content of the original posts.  As usual, it is written from my perspective; the difference is that ds is not here to review it and to add his seal of approval along with dh’s.  I have decided to hit the send key before I change my mind again.  Coming full circle, here is ds’ update:

 

 

- - - - - - -

 

 

July 7, 2015

 

 

Hello, Everyone.

 

 

I wanted to once again thank you all for your faithful and prayerful support over these past twelve years as ds battled leukemia; and, to bring ds’ story full-circle with one more update.

 

 

We have received many fresh insights into ds’ life over the past days – how he quietly impacted people for Jesus and quietly endeavored to make his life count for God.  We have also had a number of questions concerning ds’ time in the hospital.  This update, which is likely to be longer, cannot possibly address the totality of that time, but it may give some indication.  Hopefully, it will be a testament to God's keeping power, His mercy, and His grace. 

 

 

You all know that ds made the decision to have the bone marrow transplant after thirteen months of research; talking with medical personnel as well as a smattering of folks personally acquainted with this procedure; steady and persistent spiritual counsel; and, continual, intense praying.  I am very proud of the mature and prayerful way he handled such a difficult decision, and his steadfastness in obeying God's leading.  He had ample time to change his mind, or to second-guess the answer he received, but he did not.

 

 

Some have wondered why God would direct him to a decision that would ultimately take his life.  Admittedly, his dad and I fully understand this question.  However, God's ways and God's thoughts are higher than ours.  (Isaiah 55:9)  While I have my own private ideas as to why God may have chosen this route, He nonetheless did not simply “take†ds’ life, but rather, gave him life abundant and life eternal.  Ds is now more alive than any of us living on this earth could ever hope to be – for real life, real living, is to be with Jesus.  We reckon life backwards here on earth.  From the moment we are conceived, we are dying; but, for those who die, having lived this earthly life for Christ, their lives begin and never die.

 

 

Throughout his life, ds had a heart for souls and wanted to reach people for Jesus.  His stated purpose in going into the hospital to have the transplant was that he might do just that.  While he lay in the hospital bed, he surely must have thought that he was useless, but he was not.  The stories and comments we heard during his hospitalization and since his Home going reveal a life that spoke volumes for Jesus.

 

 

When ds entered the hospital, he was, according to the doctors, a prime candidate for the transplant.  He was young, strong, vital, healthy.  Yes – healthy.  He was in remission, and no organ had been adversely affected by all the previous years of chemo and radiation – a fact that amazed the doctors.  Within days of having the transplant, his situation became serious, ultimately putting him in ICU in critical condition, where we were told by a doctor that he was experiencing the worst case scenario of bone marrow transplant times a hundred.

 

 

The medical conditions he suffered through are too numerous to mention and frankly we can't remember them all.  Some include graft-versus-host disease (GVHD) of the gut, GVHD of the liver, venal occlusive disease (having to do with the liver), hemolysis, kidney failure, a perforated colon, multiple bacterial and fungal infections, and blood pressure issues.  Towards the end, he acquired both bacterial and fungal infections that he had already had and were now unresponsive to any medication.  He also began to require increased blood pressure support which disallowed using the second function of the dialysis machine, which was to draw off fluid since he was very anasarcic (swollen with fluid retention) which put extreme pressure on his heart and lungs.  At one point his heart became tachycardic (beating much too fast).  His temperature began to dangerously drop and finally, he had to be intubated.

 

 

In the beginning, one of the medications used for GVHD caused a condition called PRES (posterior reversible encephalopathy syndrome).  This puts extreme pressure and swelling on the base of the brain and can lead to death.  However, removal of the medication allows for the condition to reverse over a varying period of time.  Alternate medication could not be used with ds as there were too many concurrent conditions, and what would potentially help one condition could be fatal due to another situation.  The GVHD was basically left to heal on its own while other, even more serious issues, were considered.  As medical problems began to mount, finding medications that would not prove fatal became a hugely challenging problem.

 

 

PRES causes a patient to talk irrationally and also renders them incapable of responding physically to the body's demands or desires.  While in the throes of PRES, ds’ sodium and potassium levels began to drop, while his bilirubin began skyrocketing.  Each of these individually causes mental confusion.  As the PRES cleared and the sodium and potassium levels regulated through repleting him, a very real condition called ICU delirium set in.  During that time frame, he would talk alternately in and out of his mind.  Blessedly, the confusion diminished and the delirium surprisingly disappeared. 

 

 

GVHD causes extreme, ferocious pain.  Neupogen, one of the medications used for assisting the development of the white blood count, causes horrific whole body pain.  Ds had always had a high tolerance for pain.  On a scale of one-to-ten, when most people might be at twenty, he wasn't even on the scale yet.  The pain he endured for the first several weeks was so intense that he would holler out so loudly, you could hear him all the way down the hall.

 

 

He fought hard against all of the setbacks and kept his eyes focused on life.  After his Home going, the nurse told us what some of the doctors had earlier told us – that she had never seen anyone fight so hard or so long.  She said that when bone marrow transplant patients enter ICU, they are almost immediately intubated and they die within days, most certainly in less than two weeks.  Ds was in ICU for seven weeks and was not intubated until the last week.  He fought a courageous battle.  Ultimately, he won the greater victory.

 

 

While the above paragraphs are in no way complete and do not come close to defining just how grave things were, I included them so you would have some idea with which to juxtapose the following.

 

 

People have asked me if ds ever said anything out-of-character during the times when his mind was more “out†than “in.† The answer is no.  He might be in the midst of telling a very creative story and begin to interpose whisperings of “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.† Sometimes he would begin praying or singing songs to or about Jesus.  Once, when he was talking in delirium, he began to sing these words to the tune of “Just a Closer Walk With Theeâ€:  “Yes, He's big and I am small.  Yes, the Rock is high and tall.  Yes, I'm in His shadow.  Make me strong, dear Lord, make me strong.† Then he began to pray, “Give me a hand, Lord.  I know you have a Spirit.  Give me a hand, Lord.  Make me strong physically, mentally, spiritually.† The point is, that even when his mind was clouded by the various conditions, his mouth still spoke out of the fullness of his heart. 

 

 

When in excruciating pain with such agony etched on his face and hollering out a sound of heart-wrenching suffering, he was often heard also calling out, “My God!  Help me!† Or, “Je-e-e-e-e-s-u-s!† Once, following a particularly agonizing time, he boldly and firmly declared, with emphasis on each word, “The Commander is commanding.  The Commander is Jesus.  This, I know!â€

 

 

Various nurses expressed surprise that his focus stayed on his beliefs and also commented that he was such a good and unusual patient.  He remained respectful, whether in pain or not, whether speaking in his mind or in mental confusion.  For example, he would call them “Ma'am†or “Sir.† Each would tell him to call them by their first names.  He would respond, “Yes Ma'am†or “Yes Sir.† In each and every verbal exchange, he consistently said “Ma'am†or “Sir.† In the midst of the hollering-out pain, the nurse would invariably ask if he needed more pain medication.  Through gritted teeth, with raging pain, he would grind out, “Yes, Ma'am.â€

 

 

His humor and his wit stayed intact.  He wearied of the nurses' repetitious questions and stopped answering them, e.g., what is your name?, when is your birthday?, what is today's date?, do you know where you are?, etc.  I started asking him various questions relevant to his real life.  Once I asked him what he thought his dad's chances were for getting the lawnmower fixed without his help.  Said he, “About 40%.† Another time I asked what a specific person had that was loud.  Motorcycle was the answer I had in mind.  His equally correct response:  “That would be either his truck or his kids.† And when a doctor asked him why he wouldn't talk to him, he quipped, “Why should I?â€

 

 

Ds stayed true to himself and more importantly, stayed true to God.  What more could we ask?

 

 

He made an impression on everyone, and more than one person told us that everyone was pulling for him.  One doctor told us:  “Your son is remarkable.  I've never seen a young man openly carry his testament, read it, and live it.  Your son is absolutely remarkable.† Some time later, this same doctor told us he was a Muslim.  That is significant to us as, in his last year of life, ds discussed with his pastor many-many times how to best reach various people-groups, and especially the Muslims, for Jesus.

 

 

Which brings me to that last year of his life.

 

 

Ds lived that year as he had lived all the previous years – to the fullest, with a joyous heart and a ready smile.  To look at him, it was impossible to tell the weight he bore, the decision that was his alone to make.  As you know, he sought spiritual counsel, and he prayed and sought God.  Though he was a prime candidate for a successful bone marrow transplant, the doctors and all the research made it quite clear that there were no guarantees.  He could die a painful death with the transplant; he would die an excruciating death without it; he might get a miracle healing without the transplant or perhaps an extra month or two but the doctors were dubious. 

 

 

In March 2014, he told our pastor that he did not want to die and among his several reasons, he said he needed to be here to care for his parents and to bury them in their time.  He continued to wrestle with the alternatives before him and to seek God.  In December 2014, while still determined to fight for life, he reached that place of peace in all decisions, in knowing God had answered his seeking.  His major, set-in-stone decision:  Whether he lived or died without the transplant, or, whether he lived or died with the transplant, he wanted “to be found in the center of God's will.† Peace with living and peace with dying was his.  In January, he made public his decision.

 

 

While he was alive on earth, those counseling sessions were private.  Some things can now be revealed.  The above is a part of that revelation.  In retrospect, we can see that he was keeping his house in order for whatever result would ensue.  He was prepared to stay and live and continue to serve God and, more importantly, he was prepared to die and in death, to find healing, health, wholeness, and life eternal with his Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ. 

 

 

He peacefully and quietly slipped into his new heavenly home, wrapped in a peaceful atmosphere with gospel praise music gently filling the air, his parents with him, a born-again nurse close by, with peace in his heart, and with peace shining on his face.  Though the many complications he endured from the bone marrow transplant ravaged his body (to put it kindly), they could not eradicate the “peace that passes all understanding.† (Philippians 4:7)

 

 

Several people attending visitation and/or the service - which was meant to lift up the name of Jesus and to celebrate ds’ life - commented on the peacefulness that rested upon his face, and the sense of the presence of God surrounding him. 

 

 

In one of those counseling sessions, ds proactively discussed certain funeral arrangements (should they be necessary), including asking Pastor to speak on the importance of loving and serving God.  They regularly discussed three Bible verses that were special to ds.  As we have seen evidenced through comments, e-mails, and cards, the third verse listed below, found in Colossians, was his life.

 

 

“Then said he, Lo, I come to do Thy will, O God.  He taketh away the first, that He may establish the second.  By the which will we are sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.† (Hebrews 10:9-10)

 

“The God of my rock; in Him will I trust:  He is my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my high tower, and my refuge, my Saviour; Thou savest me from violence.  God is my strength and power:  and He maketh my way perfect.† (2 Samuel 22:3 & 33)

 

“And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.† (Colossians 3:23-24)

 

 

Before I close, I want to once more thank you for the huge part you played in ds’ life.  He had twelve years of battle – but he also had a quality life, and a life of service to the King.  It goes without saying that his Home going has left a huge and painful void in our lives.  We rejoice for ds that he is pain-free, healthy, happy, and with Jesus.  We cry and are filled with incredible sadness because our humanness wants ds here for a lot longer time.  Twenty-four years, one month, and thirteen days just wasn’t long enough. 

 

 

We easily gave him to Jesus at his baby dedication.  I gave him to Jesus again on May 30, 2003, the night he was originally diagnosed.  I truly thought he was going Home that night.  Jesus graciously gave him back.  We did not want to give ds to Jesus on June 25 – and I'm sure every parent reading this understands that – but we had to acknowledge and accept that God wanted him back, his work was done.  Sometimes we bow painfully to the will of God, but bow we must.  Your prayers would be most appreciated as we travel over this road of immense grief and loss, knowing that Jesus travels with us, even carrying us, and that, ultimately, the road will lead to that joyous reunion in the morning, on the other side, where “God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain:  for the former things are passed away.† (Revelation 21:4)

 

 

As ds prepared to enter the hospital, he wanted a specific link for a song he especially liked and identified with.  He enjoyed this song as much as “Amazing Grace,†and had earlier told our pastor that it “sounds like my personal testimony.† I will close this update with that song.

 

 

I have posted the verses below and would encourage you to listen to the song as you read the words.  (There may be an advertisement that precedes the song).  The actual recording begins with her speaking a scripture verse, then the song begins.

 

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBNFNfH89SA

 

 

 

 

In Christ Alone 

 

(by Keith and Kristyn Getty)

 

 

In Christ alone my hope is found.
He is my light, my strength, my song.
This Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace -
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease.
My Comforter, my All in All.
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

 

 

In Christ alone Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe.
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save;
Till on that cross, as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied,
For every sin on Him was laid -
Here in the death of Christ I live.

 

 

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain.
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again.
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

 

 

No guilt in life, no fear in death -
This is the power of Christ in me.
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

 

 

No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

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DS's Update – Coming Full Circle

 

Written:  July 7, 2015

 

Preamble:  September 7, 2015

 

Posted:  September 20, 2015

 

Dearest eaglei, thank you so much for the update.

 

Earlier today I was going up the stairs and I suddenly stopped, thinking about you and wondering how you were doing. Then you posted this an hour later.

 

:grouphug:

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Thank you for sharing about your son.  He sounds like an amazing man.

 

I'm glad that you have people in your life who can walk with you in your grief. I know that a long part of the road you walk alone with God, but my friends who had also lost children helped carry me along when my daughter died of cancer a few years ago.  I continue to think of and pray for you and your family.

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Thank you for closing the circle for us, dear sister in Christ. I am reminded of 2Cor.3:18 every time I think of your courageous son.

 

"But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord."

 

He ran a good race and has handed the torch over to you. May it burn brightly and may the light of Christ illuminate your path and warm your heart. Memory eternal.

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:grouphug: Thank you for sharing.  I'm really glad you were able to be there for your son through all of it.  I wish there could have been a better outcome here on earth.  Your son was a wonderful young man.  I didn't know him, of course, but I'm pleased to have met him through you.   :grouphug:

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This is my favorite hymn, which I hope is sung at my funeral, and I hope that you find it helpful.

 

1 Lord, Thee I love with all my heart;
I pray Thee, ne'er from me depart,
With tender mercy cheer me.
Earth has no pleasure I would share,
Yea, heav'n itself were void and bare
If Thou, Lord, were not near me.
And should my heart for sorrow break,
My trust in Thee no one could shake.
Thou art the portion I have sought;
Thy precious blood my soul has bought.
Lord Jesus Christ, My God and Lord, my God and Lord,
Forsake me not! I trust Thy Word.

 

 

2 Yea, Lord, 'twas Thy rich bounty gave

My body, soul, and all I have
In this poor life of labor.
Lord, grant that I in ev'ry place
May glorify Thy lavish grace
And help and serve my neighbor.
Let no false doctrine me beguile;
And Satan not my soul defile.
Give strength and patience unto me
To bear my cross and follow Thee.
Lord Jesus Christ, My God and Lord, my God and Lord,
In death Thy comfort still afford.

 

3 Lord, let at last Thine angels come,

To Abram's bosom bear me home,
That I may die unfearing;
And in its narrow chamber keep
My body safe in peaceful sleep
Until Thy reappearing.
And then from death awaken me
That these mine eyes with joy may see,
O Son of God, Thy glorious face,
My Savior and my fount of grace,
Lord Jesus Christ, my prayer attend, my prayer attend,
And I will praise Thee without end.

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Eaglei, 

 

What a precious, amazing son you had. Thank you for sharing him with us, for sharing these personal last moments. While your words tell of his powerful testimony for Christ, I can only imagine the fragrance of our Savior your son had in real life. May his testimony continue to bear much fruit. 

 

I am so sorry for such a great loss. Words are inadequate. Please know that I've had a notification on my phone every Thursday to pray for you and your family. Your update has given me so many more specifics to pray for. 

 

(((((((hugs dearest Eaglei))))))))  :grouphug: If I had an adequate crying with you emoticon, I would put it here. Mourning with you and lifting you to the only One I know Who gives us hope. xoxo

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  • 7 months later...

Oh my.  I haven’t posted on the Hive since September . . .  (Not sure whether to post here or start a new thread, but this thread seemed more reasonable). 

 

Please know that your prayers are being heard, and felt – and I am so very thankful for your support.  Many of you have let me know you are remembering and praying.  One lady has her phone programmed to alert her to pray on Thursdays for us, since that is the day ds passed from this life into heaven.

 

Please forgive my inability to respond or to post still yet.  There are far-flung family members and friends who still don’t know of ds’ passing.  I realized that when we received Christmas cards addressed to all three of us.  I managed to finish thank you notes from the funeral on New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day.  The letters to those still in the dark have been a bit much for me to do, though I have started writing them.

 

I don’t want to be presumptuous; however, it occurred to me that maybe I should give a little update on these past ten-plus months - not for any other reason than that you have been so supportive and I want you to know that God is hearing and answering prayer.  It may not sound like it.  Afterall, we are still in the first year.  But I can sense it, feel it, see it.

 

I don’t need to tell you these months have been very hard.  But I would be very remiss if I did not also say that God is a very present help.  He is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. 

 

So here are a few things (trying to keep this short!) in no particular order:

 

I am well-acquainted with uncontrollable tears, whether quiet streams or whole-body sobbing.  They come when they will, and stop in their own time.  They are fickle in choice of catalyst.  Some major thing might not bring them on, while the tiniest, most inconsequential thing will.  I can go from laughing or smiling one second to spilling copious tears or brushing away gentle tears the next.  These times seem to be moderating, however, and also coming less frequently.  Additionally, work has been a constant oasis and a reprieve from tears.

 

Grief zigzags.  It doesn’t follow a well-ordered, progressive path.  It hurts, deeply and horribly.

 

Christmas, ds’ favorite holiday, marked six months.  We did our best, but it was a day of intense heartache.  Ds began giving me a Christmas pin or two quite a number of years ago.  Dh and I had actually spent a modicum of time in ds’ room a few months prior, taking a random survey of his things and reminiscing.  During that time, I discovered ds’ stash of some already-purchased Christmas gifts which included my Christmas pin, the last one I will ever receive from him.  While I tried hard not to cry on Christmas day, I failed miserably and spent most of the day in tears.  I HAD to go back to the cemetery, even though we had just been there again the previous day and even though it was pouring rain.  I did not cry while standing at his side.  As we left, I noticed half a dozen cardinals in a nearby tree.  Cardinals were special to ds.  Why is too long of a story to tell here; nonetheless, they were a bright spot in the day.

 

In March, I again asked the preacher what else he could tell me from those private conversations he and ds had had.  He said, “Easter Sunday,†and went on to tell me that he would be preaching from the text that ds asked him to preach from "if [he] did not win this battle.† His sermon would also include material from ds.  Needless to say, I took scant notes through the tears that day, but I had the presence of mind to have the sermon taped.  The main things I managed to write down were examples the preacher used that involved ds.

 

Easter was hard in that it felt like we did Easter twice.  Last year, Easter Sunday was the last Sunday ds went to church with us and it was also the last major holiday he attended church with us.  It fell on April 5; the following Thursday, April 9, he entered the hospital to begin the process for the bone marrow transplant, and did not return to this earthly home.

 

In that same conversation in March, the preacher also told me that ds had asked him – again, if he didn’t win the battle - to preach a particular message on the Sunday nearest the one-year anniversary of his death.  (He will do so on June 26).  Then he added that ds had also asked him, if he didn’t make it, to “please preach a message of comfort on Mother’s Day for my mom.† Even as I type that, my eyes are welling up again.  He was truly prepared either way.  And he looked out for me.  So, this Sunday I will hear the pastor’s message, and four days later, we will mark ds’ 25th birthday.  (Ds was actually born on Mother’s Day, 1991).

 

On June 15, his headstone was placed.  It is beautifully and simply done.  There were three Bible verses that were especially special to him, but one seemed to define his life, so we had that put on the back of the stone.  “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance:  for ye serve the Lord Christ.† (Colossians 3:23-24)

 

June 25 will mark one year.

 

Ds remains instrumental in people’s lives.  We continue to learn new things about ds on an almost regular basis that bring a smile and even a laugh.  His commitment and devotion to Jesus is verified over and over again in the stories and memories people share with us.  Even in his earthly death, his earthly life continues to touch people, to encourage them, inspire them, and persuade them of the necessity for living first and foremost for Jesus.

 

As for dh and me, we keenly feel ds’ loss.  He filled the house.  There’s a hole in my heart that will never be filled again on this earth.

 

But –

 

God’s grace is sufficient.  His Word is sure.  His promises are true.  My oh-so-human feelings of sadness and grief do not diminish God’s sovereignty or the fact that He IS God.  There is no proper preposition that I can think of that addresses the reality of the path one follows after losing a child.  I don’t expect to get THROUGH, or go AROUND, or get OVER this huge loss.  I am looking for the time when this new norm is so grounded that it no longer overwhelms.  If God chooses to let me experience something more, then all praise to Him.  If He doesn’t, or if I somehow fail to receive it, still – all praise to Him.  He is still King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Saviour of my soul, and the One Who completed the good work He began in my son, and Who led ds safely Home.

 

There are other positives from these past months.  I am mightily blessed to have a job, albeit part time, that I love.  It is sheer joy to go to work.  I am also doing some editing for a few people, something I also enjoy, even though one person’s writing skills are a particular challenge.  While I haven’t been reading as much (just can’t seem to concentrate very well on books yet), I have been doing more of my own writing and am part of a small writing group that meets a couple times a month.  I have mostly read poetry at those meetings and just a few prose selections.  I have also recently read poetry in a more public forum and my work was very well received, including by the featured speaker, an internationally published author – something else I praise God for. 

 

Late last year I had the distinct impression that this year would be a time for me.  I don’t mean that selfishly – simply a year meant for me – whether to heal, or branch out, or what – I don’t know.  What I do know is that I have a growing list of friends and from time to time, one of these friends and I will go out for lunch or dinner, or just find a quiet place to visit.  It is time well-spent.  I have been amazed at the colorful kaleidoscope of new people in my life, and equally amazed at the conversations.  There are people who are hurting, who have questions, who are seeking.  People who are lonely, stressed, scared.  And they want to talk, need to talk.

 

We still haven’t done anything with ds’ belongings or with his room.  I am not up to that yet.  With God’s help, I put one foot in front of the other and keep looking for the good things.  Topping the list is that I know where ds is, and I know I’ll see him again someday.  Those two things are major blessings.  To KNOW that your loved one lived for Jesus and is now residing with Him eternally is a wonderful gift.  Equally wonderful is KNOWING that God’s Word is sure, and that if I stay true to Him, I will see my son again and there will be no painful partings. 

 

What a blessed hope we have in Christ!

 

Blessed be the name of the Lord.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Eagei, I have been wondering how you are but didn't want to disturb you or pry. Thank you for a beautiful update and for sharing more stories about your beautiful son. I've been touched by so much you have written over the past year, and I'm even more touched to hear how your son planned for possibilities he didn't wish for. What a light he was!

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