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So, we told MIL that I'm pregnant...


Kathryn
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When I was pregnant with DS, I made the mistake of telling my MIL some of the names we were considering, one of which happened to be the last name of a family they'd been close friends with for 20 years. Of course she immediately insisted that we HAD to choose that name, but we said we hadn't decided yet. A few weeks later she invited the other family for dinner and, with DH and I sitting right there, announced that we'd decided to name the baby after them! They were so excited and flattered (they didn't have any grandkids of their own, and they had known DH since he was a baby), and we were too stunned to say anything! MIL looked terribly smug, thinking she'd forced our hand. In the end, we used that name as a middle name, and luckily the first name we chose was a variant of my FIL's name, so we had that excuse. When we adopted DD, we didn't say a word about names until she was already home and it was a done deal!

 

ETA: DH, his brother, and brother's daughter (the only other grandchild) all have MIL's maiden name as their middle name. MIL was VERY insistent that we follow this tradition, but her attempt to trap us into using her friends' name as a first name totally backfired, because we told her we felt obligated to at least use the friends' name as a middle name since she'd already gotten their hopes up!

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Our first daughter was the third grandchild, all girls. My FIL wanted us to name her a girl's version of his grandfather's name. So if grandfather was Paul, we'd name her Pauline. I said no and promised I'd make him a boy soon :lol: he took it well.

 

I'm sorry your MIL is a nutter.

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… On a side note related to another post in this thread, I have three older brothers.  Please do not go all "princess" and have the boys spoil her.  Princesses are only good for feeding dragons and appeasing volcano gods.  American culture doesn't need any more spoiled children.  Waaaay too many mothers with only one girl with a bunch of boys make that tragic mistake.  I know 3 different families in that mess right now and their daughters are insufferable spoiled brats no one can stand because mommy and daddy actively encourage it. I'm glad I had a no-nonsense mother who didn't do that to me. We need to raise strong women, not spoiled women.

This part is so good it needs a quote and  :iagree:

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Wow its amazing to see all the comments that can relate to OP.  Why do people think they have absolutely any say in a child's name if it is not their child.  I can see making a suggestion but to get offended when the couple chooses something else is silly.

 

We did get shit from one in law when we named ds after my 2 deceased brothers.  In their words, they were "offended for my parents that I would have the audacity to name my child after their dead sons." They thought it was too soon (in terms of generations removed not years since they died over 27 years ago.) 

 

My parents were honored that we wanted to name him after 2 brothers I never got to meet.  

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Wow, that's insane! And I was steaming over my MIL's reaction to the name I picked for our little guy due in May. It is an unusual, obscure scriptural name, but with a fairly normal-sounding nickname to go with it that we will mostly call him. She has gone on and on about what a horrible name it is and how she will never, ever call him that or the nickname. She says she will call him by his (very common) middle name, or a common nickname of that which I dislike. Dh just laughed and said, "Well, sure, go ahead-if you don't want him to respond when you talk to him." But I keep considering coming right out and telling her how incredibly offensive I find this. (She is not crazy or nasty, just very blunt and sometimes oblivious to others' feelings). But, really, my MIL sounds sweet and considerate compared to yours!

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Mine are just happy that we use family oriented middle names :) Cali's middle name is Sue after dmil and Juli's is Ann after me, both of my grandmothers and dh's paternal grandma on (I'm sure there's more but those are the important ones). I haven't used anything really from my moms name but she hates it (Nicolette Dorothy) if we were to ever have a third girl we would use Nicole somewhere in there for my mom.

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And that it's a girl. She's no longer speaking to us. She said we got to name our last two kids so she gets to name this one and she will name it [HerMaidenName, which is not a name]. DH said no. She tried to convince him and then said she's just too sad and can't talk to him anymore. She won't pick up the phone or respond to his texts. WTF?

LOLOLOLOLOLOL. Uh…NO!

 

On the bright side, at least she's not talking to you?

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Congrats from me!  "Congratulations, what a blessing!"  Or "Congratulations!" or something in that line is all that is appropriate coming from her mouth in that situation.

 

I read the first page of comments - I would put her on low contact and go about my life.  I would hold to the principle that what you reward grows and what you starve diminishes.  In this case, her petulant, childish behavior and strange entitlement.  Since she "can't talk right now" - good.  Peace for you!  Let HER come to YOU when she is over her snit.  She needs to be trained that manipulation won't work. 

 

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ETA: DH, his brother, and brother's daughter (the only other grandchild) all have MIL's maiden name as their middle name. MIL was VERY insistent that we follow this tradition, but her attempt to trap us into using her friends' name as a first name totally backfired, because we told her we felt obligated to at least use the friends' name as a middle name since she'd already gotten their hopes up!

 

I can't imagine!  We didn't tell any family members the names we were considering with any of my prenancies. They learned of the name when we called to give them the news the baby had been born.

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And that it's a girl. She's no longer speaking to us. She said we got to name our last two kids so she gets to name this one and she will name it [HerMaidenName, which is not a name]. DH said no. She tried to convince him and then said she's just too sad and can't talk to him anymore. She won't pick up the phone or respond to his texts. WTF?

Stop trying to contact her. You're playing into her hand when you do that, and she is succeeding in making the news of your new baby All About Her.

 

Eventually she will come around, and she will contact you. Or she won't. Let it be her problem to deal with. She's acting like a big baby. Ignore her tantrum.

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Apparently DH called her again on his way home. She told him how hurt she is and that if he respected her, he would do it and that it doesn't matter if he doesn't name this one what she wants, he'll have more and she'll get her way eventually. He told her no and got off the phone.

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Wow. I didn't know grandparents got to name grandchildren...

My MIL was upset because we refused to name you 3rd child (a boy) after her. Never mind my second child was named first and middle after that side of the family. Never mind niece #1 shares her middle name and oh BIL was due to have a GIRL a month before me.

 

Of course the hive has already established my MIL is a piece of work.

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Apparently DH called her again on his way home. She told him how hurt she is and that if he respected her, he would do it and that it doesn't matter if he doesn't name this one what she wants, he'll have more and she'll get her way eventually. He told her no and got off the phone.

Again, he has to stop calling her. The more he calls her, the stronger she believes that she has influence and authority over him.

 

What can he possibly hope to accomplish by continuing to discuss the issue with her?

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I come bearing hugs and sympathy. What a nutcase! She had her chance. There is no rule that states that she is "owed" this privilege. She's CHOOSING to be hurt. You've done nothing to actually hurt or offend. (((hugs))) (ps, I wouldn't name anyone's child by either of my maiden names...yes, I have two) 

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Congrats on your baby--sorry your MIL is so trying! We once contemplated a move to another state. MIL (who lives 3.5 hours away from us), told us that if we moved, she would move too. I went a little ballistic on my poor husband. My BIL and his wife moved across the country, and one reason is that they wanted some distance. She would never move to where they live, and they know that.

 

A sweet lady once told me that her first four kids were born before the dad was routinely allowed in the delivery room. He promptly named each of the first four babies as soon as he saw them without really consulting her. He was present for the birth of baby #5. Apparently he was so stunned by childbirth that he told her after all that, she ought to name the baby.

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I come bearing hugs and sympathy. What a nutcase! She had her chance. There is no rule that states that she is "owed" this privilege. She's CHOOSING to be hurt. You've done nothing to actually hurt or offend. (((hugs))) (ps, I wouldn't name anyone's child by either of my maiden names...yes, I have two) 

 

My mum got a new/original maiden name as a grandmother.

Now when ever they give that 'confirm your identity' question of mother's maiden name, I have to remember which one I put.

 

Congratulations on your pregnancy Kathryn.

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When my oldest was born she was given the family middle name that is traditionally given to the oldest daughter in our family.  That is to say, my Great-Grandmother's middle name, my grandmother's middle name, my mom's middle name and *my* middle name.  MIL was furious about this and to this day has refused to call the child anything other than FirstName JANE.  Um......Jane is NOT her middle name.  Pookers hates the name Jane and has repeatedly asked her Grandmother to just call her by her first name or by the combo firstname/middlename she usually goes by.  Nope.  MIL refuses to acknowledge that her real middle name exists.

 

Flash forward to this past spring when this sweet daughter of mine had *her* first child, a girl.  Not only did she give her the traditional middle name, but she gave her my Grandmother's first name.  My mom was touched, my son-in-law's family thought it was great.......my mil refused to talk to her for a month.

 

 

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I have no helpful advise. Just hugs.

my mom is still upset we named our last baby. after all we've already named 3. this one should have been named after my father. when she thinks no one is listening she still calls him the wrong name. Sigh. all this time I thought we got to name our kids...

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Wow its amazing to see all the comments that can relate to OP.  Why do people think they have absolutely any say in a child's name if it is not their child.  I can see making a suggestion but to get offended when the couple chooses something else is silly.

 

We did get shit from one in law when we named ds after my 2 deceased brothers.  In their words, they were "offended for my parents that I would have the audacity to name my child after their dead sons." They thought it was too soon (in terms of generations removed not years since they died over 27 years ago.) 

 

My parents were honored that we wanted to name him after 2 brothers I never got to meet.  

I think that's sweet! My best friend named her first daughter after her sister that died as a baby from SID. Her whole family told her her baby would die of SIDs, too, because she gave her that name. :blink:  She didn't.

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I think that's sweet! My best friend named her first daughter after her sister that died as a baby from SID. Her whole family told her her baby would die of SIDs, too, because she gave her that name. :blink: She didn't.

Wow. What an uplifting and encouraging thing to say to a new mom... :glare:

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