"Enjoy every moment. They grow up so fast." Encouragement or guilt-inducing?

[Lisa R.]

Now that you kids have grown up, do you wish you could've taken this advice to heart? If you still have young kids, do you find this encouraging?

 

See, I didn't and don't find this encouraging. It seems when a mom is struggling, telling her to "tread water" for another--ten or so years--is overwhelming and unhelpful. At least that is how I interpreted it...

 

As a young mom, the people that said they "enjoyed every moment" caused me to think that I just wasn't doing something right. I wondered how I was not able to be laid back enough to enjoy EVERY moment. Or why weren't my kids better trained so that they were enjoyable every moment. Ahh, the guilt. (Hint: people that say they enjoyed every moment have really bad memories.)

 

A phrase that did help me with regard to young children--"The days are long but the years are short." I found this to be realistic without being discouraging.

 

What phrases did you hear that were helpful to you? What brought or would've brought much-needed perspective and encouragement as a young mom?

 

 

 

[Seeker of Schole]

For me, that is guilt-inducing. My favorite two expressions about raising children are the one you already stated  (the days are long but the years are short), and that raising children is like being pecked to death by chickens. Raising children is work, and everyone is allowed to feel frustrated or have a bad day at work. Moms should be also, and acting like there's something wrong with a mom that becomes frustrated or worn down while working a job that never ends helps no one. Of course, JMHO...

[TCB]

I say it to myself all the time and that doesn't bother me. I like to remind myself to enjoy them as much as possible and not sweat the small stuff. But I haven't had too many other people say it to me; that might bother me. I am currently feeling a bit sad and stressed because we've only got 4 1/2 years until dd13 graduates and I can hardly stand to think of it!

[Moxie]

It is only said by those who have forgotten the difficulties of the stage you are in. It doesn't make me feel guilty but it does annoy me. I want to say, "Great, cause I haven't slept a full 8 hours in 10 years! Hope it goes super fast!"

[regentrude]

Not guilt inducing or encouraging - when my kids were little, I simply thought those people were full of it.

I only have 2 kids, but every day with a 2 year old and a baby and husband working out of town over the week and the 2 y/o not yet sleeping through the night was an eternity and I was waiting for 6pm so we could all go to sleep (for a few hours).

I completely disregarded this "advice" because it had nothing to do with my reality. I loved my kids, loved spending time with them - but it was still absolutely exhausting.

Now that they are teens, I realize that those people were exactly right: time flies, and I am very aware of how little time I will have with them, and I try to enjoy every minute of it. And I am mostly successful - at this age. When they sleep through the night, can go to the bathroom on their own,  and do not throw tantrums :-)

[NicAnn]

I find it encouraging. And I do try to live that way...I feel it makes the difficult times more bearable. My son wakes up every two hours, but then I think that in a few years I won't get to see his little face at 3am.

[KrissiK]

It bugs me. So much that I just want to slap someone. It is guilt inducing (especially as a SAHM, as opposed to say, if I had a career that had me working 60 hours a week and traveling all around the world) for the reasons others have stated, but to me, it also says that the only good season of life (both yours and your kids) is when they are young. I want to enjoy my whole life, and my children's whole lives. I wNt to enjoy them while they're young, and teens, and young adults, etc. Sure, they are cute and charming when they are little, but I don't see that as a reason to get all weepy. I don't want to be miserable with an empty nest (like this one lady at church who tears up at how much she misses her kids, and i don't think they ignore her, they just have lives of their own now). I want to have a life that involves my kids, but does not revolve around them.

[Kathryn]

Encouraging. The older I get, the more I realize that conventional wisdoms like that are correct and I should have listened.

[mytwomonkeys]

I find it true and encouraging. My mantra when my son was a toddler was, "days with young children are long but the years are short". It helped me cope a little better. Still does help me :)

[Farrar]

I never found it either, but I also always thought it was supremely unhelpful advice.  I think people parent and love their time with their kids differently.  To expect that everyone is going to "treasure every moment" is just silly.  And to hold that up as "the best" way of doing it is also silly to me.

 

I think a lot of our ideas about how parents "should" be are very closed in and this is one of them.  I think for some people, saying, "It's okay to want time to yourself," when the kids are really little is much more helpful.  Honestly, while I did love my kids when they were small and I found them funny and cute and all that, I needed to get away in order to be happy and sane because parenting was really intense.  And come down to it, they weren't that much fun until recently.  I've been enjoying having kids who are old enough to have a conversation, to have their own opinions, to play jokes on me, etc.  But I don't see my kids as some sort of limited quantity.  I enjoyed them when they were babies, I enjoy them now, I'll enjoy them when they're teens and adults and maybe even one day when the tables are turned and they're my caregivers.  It's not just about when they're little, which that advice often seems to imply - enjoy these particular moments because then they'll be over - but rather about building a relationship with my kids for the rest of our lives together.

[Alice]

I love the “days are long but the years are short†phrase. To me, that is a reminder that whatever phase we are in that seems endless, isn’t. And in a way it’s saying to enjoy the moment while acknowledging that the moment can be hard. 

 

I don’t mind when someone older and wiser says to enjoy every moment in the right context. I’ve had old women say that to me in the grocery store i in a very sweet way and it made me see the grocery errand that I was viewing as a chore in a whole new light. 

 

On the other hand, I’ve had it said to me in a non-helpful way also. Usually by my Mom when I’m stressed about something. The house is messy, the 4 year old is having a tantrum, the kids are fighting, whatever and she typically tells me something like “One day you’ll miss the mess. Just enjoy them now.†That is so unhelpful, and I’m not sure it’s true. I might miss the makers of the mess but I don’t think I’ll miss the mess. 

 

 

[Joker]

I find it encouraging. When I feel worn down and find myself becoming frustrated or angry, I try to stop and remind myself that it all goes by so fast. It helps me. Now, I have one teenager and one creeping up on it and I am glad I was able to remind myself several times over the years. I'm still reminding myself and will probably continue to do so until they are adults.

[regentrude]

 Sure, they are cute and charming when they are little, but I don't see that as a reason to get all weepy. I don't want to be miserable with an empty nest (like this one lady at church who tears up at how much she misses her kids, and i don't think they ignore her, they just have lives of their own now). I want to have a life that involves my kids, but does not revolve around them.

 

But even if one's life does not revolve around the kids, it is hard to deal with the empty nest. Just come over to the college board and read the threads by parents who sent their kids off to college and are trying to fill the hole that is left behind with new purpose and meaning. Going from having children around all day (and being especially close because they are homeschooled) to not seeing them for months, or maybe years, at a time, is difficult. And missing them is normal. I am pretty sure my mom misses me and is sad that we have not seen each other for a year and a half :-( As am I.

[Farrar]

But even if one's life does not revolve around the kids, it is hard to deal with the empty nest. Just come over to the college board and read the threads by parents who sent their kids off to college. Going from having children around you all day (and being especially close because they are homeschooled) to not seeing them for months, or maybe years, is difficult.

 

I'm sure, but is it perhaps less difficult if you have other things going on in your life and you don't completely define yourself by your role as a parent?  I guess that's the other end of this advice...  that idea that it's over and you'll never get it back.  I'd rather not see it that way because that feels like a bad paradigm to set myself up for.  And I'd like to define myself by many things - not just my role as a mother/teacher.

[zoobie]

It makes me think the person is feeling a little wistful about his/her own kids. I've never really thought it was about me at all. Or just some generic small talk thing like, "Wet enough for you?" when it's raining.

[regentrude]

I'm sure, but is it perhaps less difficult if you have other things going on in your life and you don't completely define yourself by your role as a parent?  I guess that's the other end of this advice...  that idea that it's over and you'll never get it back.  I'd rather not see it that way because that feels like a bad paradigm to set myself up for.  And I'd like to define myself by many things - not just my role as a mother/teacher.

 

Oh sure, in order to deal with it in a healthy way, it is essential to have other things going on. But fact is, raising children and homeschooling them simply takes a lot of time and energy and is of high priority... once that is removed, one has to actively seek out something meaningful to fill this hole. We are currently discussing that on the high school board. (Nan has excellent advice)

 

And the "it is over, forever" thoughts do read their ugly head... this is the last fall my daughter will be home. I am acutely aware of this, and other parents of seniors have reported the same feelings. I do not know how one could possibly NOT mourn that this wonderful time is coming to an end ... except if one has a bad relationship with her teen.

 

[momacacia]

Some days it is encouraging. It reminds me to stop and read with them, go to the playground, etc., But these "good days" are few and far between when it hits me like that. Usually it's when I HAVE been going to the playground and having read and cuddle time.

 

But usually (because I'm usually sleep-deprived), these comments are guilt-inducing and depressing. Thanks for reminding me that all my blood, sweat, tears, and sleepless nights is just going to up and walk out someday and I'll have nothing left to show for it. Thanks for the reminder! 

 

A lot of it depends on how much sleep I've gotten. If I'm tired, of course I'm not enjoying every moment. I'm exhausted! I'd love to have them all go to their beds for 4 hours, so I could go to mine, too. And of course it's depressing to think that one day I'll look back and regret that I didn't enjoy THIS moment because I was so freakin' tired!! So, seems it's a regret-inducing comment, too. :laugh:

 

Must be time for me to go to bed . . . . :leaving:

[Jackie]

Not guilt inducing or encouraging - when my kids were little, I simply thought those people were full of it.

 

This. My DD is 3.5yo. I am freaking ecstatic that she is no longer a baby and I honestly can't wait for her to grow up a bit more. Before I decided to have a child, I told my husband he needed to be primary parent until about 6yo or so. I've lived and worked with all ages and I'm far better suited to caring for older kids. I just assume that those uttering such asinine statements are better suited to a younger age than I. Or they are delusional.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I found and still find it patronizing or unrealistic in 90% of the situations where someone says it someone else.  It's one thing if I'm saying it to myself in order to put things into perspective for myself.  It's a very different thing when someone else was saying that my very real exhaustion or frustration as a new mom was somehow not all that significant because after all, I'm supposed to put all that aside because of the future.  People don't say it to me all that much now that my kids are older but when I hear them say it to new moms I hear the same tone.  

[MerryAtHope]

I find it encouraging. When I feel worn down and find myself becoming frustrated or angry, I try to stop and remind myself that it all goes by so fast. It helps me. Now, I have one teenager and one creeping up on it and I am glad I was able to remind myself several times over the years. I'm still reminding myself and will probably continue to do so until they are adults.

 

I also have tried to consciously think about enjoying the moment...probably more so in the baby days because while some aspects are so difficult, I didn't want to wish them away without feeling like I cherished those baby snuggles.

 

 

I guess that's the other end of this advice...  that idea that it's over and you'll never get it back.  I'd rather not see it that way because that feels like a bad paradigm to set myself up for.  And I'd like to define myself by many things - not just my role as a mother/teacher.

 

Yes...I think this idea on it's own, could be discouraging, and really works against what it means to be a parent. After all...it's not about keeping them small and how they make me feel. For me, it's never been about thinking yesterday is all I have but about cherishing each new phase we enter...it keeps on going as they grow up. I won't have the past, but I don't have the future either. My husband and I often talk about living with no regrets, because of his illness. We can't change what is--it just is. Let's make the most of today, each day. By that I don't mean every single moment or even every single day--like unattainable perfection! But just something to bring me back on track when I get discouraged...no regrets. Cherish today for what it is, good, bad, filled with struggles, or peaceful and easy.

 

It makes me think the person is feeling a little wistful about his/her own kids. I've never really thought it was about me at all. 

 

Yes, I do think when people say this that they miss some time, or perhaps look back with regret about how they spent their time...or maybe just wish for time with their kids now that their kids are grown and they can't see them as often. Like all things in life...one day we won't be able to do them, our health will fail, things will change...don't miss today's blessings or let them be crowded out by today's pain.

 

I'd like to think that when people say this, they aren't saying today is easy. Rather they are saying...I know today is hard, that's when we need the reminders all the more to cherish what we do have. It's saying...we have a choice, even in those times that are so full of struggle or pain that we think we have no choice. In that way I find it freeing.

[nd293]

I find it annoying.

 

Once when dd was a baby I was shopping with her and she was tired and fretful. The proverbial 'little old lady' stopped me and said sweetly, "You should rock her". I bristled at the unwanted advice as I was struggling to get things done with a baby that got so much of my attention so much of the time. Then she added, spreading her hands a foot apart, "With a rock this big".

 

The politically correct might say that it's not funny to joke about knocking babies out with rocks, but I think of that unknown lady often, and wish she could know how much I valued that interaction. With one silly comment she reminded me that my horrible shopping trip was just one moment in my day, that I'd laugh about it all one day, and might as well laugh now, that I wasn't terrible for sometimes feeling overwhelmed, and that I wasn't alone in feeling like that.

 

Once I laughed and relaxed a little, the lady told me she'd parented a big family of children and foster children. She must have been a wonderful mother to them all.

[SKL]

How I'd take that phrase?  Depends on whether I'm PMSing or not.  ;)  I can see it both ways.  Even if you are short on time with your kids, it is good to appreciate the times you do have.

 

I look back at photos of my kids as tots.  Those times were largely a blur.  I was constantly worrying about who was gonna trip over their own feet and get a fat lip AGAIN, who was in danger of peeing before reaching the potty, and which auntie was gonna try to sneak some treat into my little chunkalunk.  ;)  When I think of taking my kids places, the memories that stand out are the time we got a flat tire on the freeway when the kids were hungry to the point of screaming, the time I had to take the kids out in the rain when we all were sick because we ran out of milk, the time I had to drive back home without diapers because the weather was too awful to drag my kids through, the time my hands were full in JCPenney and my kids just had to touch every freakin' vase on the shelves.  (Nothing broke but I was a nervous wreck.)  So I look at the old photos and think, gosh, my kids were cute, I wish I had enjoyed them more.

 

What kind of words were encouraging to me?  "This too shall pass," "Babies cry" (seriously therapeutic), "You're a good mom" (said sincerely by people who actually knew me).  Also the open offers of help, even though I hardly ever accepted them.

[Desert Strawberry]

Meh. It's not about me. I think maybe they were not so present in their kid's lives.

 

I am with my kids all. The. Time. It's a different dynamic than most people experience. Most parents with kids the ages of mine bemoan the little ones being too needy and the older ones pushing them away. I don't feel either of those things. I am here for and with my children. 

 

I can commiserate all day about the chronic, life-sucking neediness of babies, and the neverendingness of it all. I get that. But feeling like it is going too fast or that I am missing some of it? Not really.

[Desert Strawberry]

Oops. Wrong thread.

[gardenmom5]

life get's so busy with minutia.  it's a reminder there are more important things than the minutia that makes up everyday life.  it's not about endurance, but perspective.  when they're little, and it's endless diapers and feedings (and sleep DEPRIVATION), it can seem like it never ends, but it does.  sooner than we imagine when we're in the middle of it, it will be in the past.

they do grow fast.  I've got grown ups.  we have good relationships, but they have their own life too.

[msjones]

My favorite brand of advice is advice that acknowledges various temperaments.  

 

Not everyone will enjoy every minute, but some will.  Some moms thrive on busyness and chaos and some crave solitude and peace.  Some kids are more demanding.  etc etc

 

 

 

 

[Vida Winter]

When someone says this, they are saying it more to themselves than to you. Don't take it personally. You will find out for yourself soon enough.

[Alte Veste Academy]

For me, those words are not encouraging or guilt inducing, although I agree that they can be terribly annoying when delivered in response to a Mommy meltdown that would benefit more from an offer of babysitting or a bubble bath than a few seemingly trite words of wisdom. Personally, I see the phrase as a reminder to be mindful, to live in the moment, and not to wish away precious time that we will never get back.

[JessReplanted]

I read a great blog about this a while ago:

 

http://www.stevewiens.com/2013/03/12/to-parents-of-small-children-let-me-be-the-one-who-says-it-out-loud/

 

"We know it’s true that they grow up too fast. But feeling like I have to enjoy every moment doesn’t feel like a gift, it feels like one more thing that is impossible to do, and right now, that list is way too long. Not every moment is enjoyable as a parent; it wasn’t for you, and it isn’t for me. You just have obviously forgotten. I can forgive you for that. But if you tell me to enjoy every moment one more time, I will need to break up with you."

[Alte Veste Academy]

Also, maybe I am too easy, but I do not think people mean it literally. I think of it as more figurative.

[SKL]

I am also not sentimental about the kids growing up.  Maybe it's my age or the fact that I had two about the same age, but by the time we were done with a given stage I was quite ready to be done.  I could never understand people saying they missed diapers.  I mean, I didn't mind diapers, but I was extremely happy to be done with them.  Ditto sippy cups, booster chairs, tricycles, ABC books, Little People toys ... I was so happy to pack them up for my younger nieces.  It's one thing to enjoy the moment, another to regret its passing.  Though I do kinda wish the kids wouldn't grow out of their clothes so darn fast ....

[Alte Veste Academy]

---

[Alte Veste Academy]

I just recognized that the quote in my signature is basically a much more elegant way of delivering the advice in question. :lol:

[Lucy in Australia]

As one with with a foot in each camp (eldest DS is 17, DD is 4) I have never appreciated people telling I should, in fact, be "enjoying" my children more - especially, say, after 3 months of a colicky baby & NO SLEEP! :smash: :smash: :smash:  I did get it, though, when people said "don't sweat the small stuff", and I especially appreciated the people who had been there & done that & kept reminding me that "this, too, shall pass" :001_smile:

[Ausmumof3]

I think if you need to be told to enjoy something that must mean it's not inherently enjoyable. I did have an older lady tell me to make sure not to do what she did and spend too much time "polish and shining" everything and not enjoying them. That makes more sense to me though honestly once you have more than two kids I don't know how you get away from the fact that most of the time it's mundane stuff

[Uff Da!]

nm

[lavender's green]

It never occurred to me to take it quite so personally.  I always took it as more "I acknowledge that this is a difficult stage, but having been there myself, my advice is to try to find the joy in it." 

 

That being said, I find it a little....over-enthusiastic.  Enjoy every single freaking moment?  When my newborn has been screaming from gas for the last several hours and my toddler just accidentally smeared poop all over the bathroom because I couldn't rush in and help him wipe because I was trying to nurse the baby?  Nope, can't find the joy in that.  Can't cherish that moment.  Just not gonna happen.

 

I prefer what my 90 year old neighbor said to me.  "I don't know whether to be jealous of you or not!" and "When you're my age, these are the years you'll be thinking of." And she's lived a life ten times more full that most people I know. 

[Jerico]

Guilt inducing. I am already depressed and overwhelmed.

[Soror]

Sometimes it is sweet and sometimes not so much.  I especially don't appreciate it when things are rough and I'm trying my absolute best and someone tells me to enjoy every moment.  I'm trying.  I'm really trying.  I try to stay mindful and focus on the present and the positive. Some actual help would be nice at times instead of a guilt trip to do it better.  It is much easier to say it all when you are not perpetually sleep deprived either.

[SpecialClassical]

It bugs me. So much that I just want to slap someone. It is guilt inducing (especially as a SAHM, as opposed to say, if I had a career that had me working 60 hours a week and traveling all around the world) for the reasons others have stated, but to me, it also says that the only good season of life (both yours and your kids) is when they are young. I want to enjoy my whole life, and my children's whole lives. I wNt to enjoy them while they're young, and teens, and young adults, etc. Sure, they are cute and charming when they are little, but I don't see that as a reason to get all weepy. I don't want to be miserable with an empty nest (like this one lady at church who tears up at how much she misses her kids, and i don't think they ignore her, they just have lives of their own now). I want to have a life that involves my kids, but does not revolve around them.

I have to smile at this because I have a friend whose life revolved around her kids. She didn't want to imagine them growing up and it was a very emotional transition for her when it happened. I thought she was too wrapped up in her kids and was sure I wouldn't feel that way because I am not very emotional, plus we have been raising these kids to be independent. Add to that the fact that a couple of them haven't been too easy to live with the last couple years and you would think I would be happy to see them move on. However, it has been very difficult for me. As my 5 yr old sits in front of me pretending his trains are basketball players, my oldest two have one foot out the door and I am seriously sad that our time with them will end soon. I won't even have an empty nest, but my two oldest will leave our home within a month of each other and I'm pretty sure I'll be tearing up,thinking about their childhood and how I miss them.

 

As for the comment the OP brought up, I had people tell me something similar, but more along the lines of enjoying the kids and ignoring the house. I followed that advice and have no regrets. But my kids did drive me insane almost every day during some stages!

[Miss Mousie]

I find it very discouraging and unhelpful.  How about something less absolute than "every moment"?  Like "keep an eye on remembering the good parts."  Not exactly eloquent, LOL!  But putting more pressure for perfection, more demands for stellar performance every second, is just one more heavy stone on a parent's already-bowed shoulders.

 

 

[Carrie12345]

I just find it annoying.

I've been changing diapers almost non-stop for more than 15 years. Neglecting to embrace the poo is not going to mess my kids up. Wanting non-sticky surfaces is not self-centered. Expecting me to smile through tantrums is just insane.

 

<--- Carried a 40lb screaming toddler who didn't want to leave through the entire floorplan of the gym the other day. Including a room full of people trying to do yoga in a darkened room. I'm pretty certain not a one of them wanted me to stop and enjoy the moment!

[fairfarmhand]

It bugs me. So much that I just want to slap someone. It is guilt inducing (especially as a SAHM, as opposed to say, if I had a career that had me working 60 hours a week and traveling all around the world) for the reasons others have stated, but to me, it also says that the only good season of life (both yours and your kids) is when they are young. I want to enjoy my whole life, and my children's whole lives. I wNt to enjoy them while they're young, and teens, and young adults, etc. Sure, they are cute and charming when they are little, but I don't see that as a reason to get all weepy. I don't want to be miserable with an empty nest (like this one lady at church who tears up at how much she misses her kids, and i don't think they ignore her, they just have lives of their own now). I want to have a life that involves my kids, but does not revolve around them.

 

I agree with this.

 

I found the years with babies and toddlers exhausting and draining. Even now that my kids are school aged, I remember the fatigue and (often) boredom that comes from being trapped at home with small ones. There are small things that I miss.  Cuddly newborns, sweetly sleeping infants and nursing with a baby in the bed with me, but overall, I love having big kids. I enjoyed much of the baby stage, but I really like the big kid stage.

 

When I see stressed moms of littles, I try to sympathize. Yes, it's hard. Yes, it does get much easier when they are older.

[BigMamaBird]

I see it in a positive light.  We've had kids in diapers for over eight years now.  It gets old.  Real old.  There are days where I have to force myself not to wish them through these years.  Someday I'll have a house full of teens and look back longingly at the days where they'd curl up in my lap and beg me to read the same book ten times.  I'll never have this time again and I am really trying to savor it.  There are times though where it's much harder than others.

[SailorMom]

I understand this, especially with teens, and I tried to really enjoy what I could back when they were little, but I always felt like I was failing at it, lol.
Here is a great blog post about it....

http://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/04/2011-lesson-2-dont-carpe-diem/

[Murphy101]

Yes and no?

 

I am a very different mom with baby 10 than baby 1, or even baby 5.

 

Part of me does wish I could go back and tell my younger self to just freakin relax some. I smh often over the things I stresses over when I was younger that just didn't matter.

 

Otoh, I think it's important to admit to these newer moms that some of motherhood does just suck and it's okay to not feel like every dang moment is manna from heaven to be cherished. Admitting that doesn't at all lessen how much we love our kids and it doesn't mean we regret them or any other such nonsense even if it is unPC to admit it.

[Murphy101]

Also, for me, I've always felt like I was racing the clock. It does zoom by and I go back and forth between relief, "hey these kids are turning out pretty dadblum awesome! Yay!" And " oh crap, oh crap, dear lord they are graduating in a couple years, this year, next year?!?!?! So much left to do and where has the time gone?!?!?"

[Tranquility7]

People mean it kindly, so I take it that way   :)

[Murphy101]

I know people mean it kindly, bless their hearts, but that doesn't change how dismissive it is to tell someone struggling they just need to learn to like it more. :)

[Jean in Newcastle]

I think Meryl Streep is the one who said," They say the years are short and it's true. The years are short but the days....a mom can gag on a day."

 

I don't know how many years I get with my kids. Hoping for 17 with one and 18 with the other but I don't know (and I'm not being morbid. What if they need to leave for school when they are teenagers? What if all their activities make them so they are gone before they actually move out?). I gag on days frequently but I know this is brief too. I don't worry about treasuring every moment as much as I worry about actually being in the moment. Some days, I just want to spend the day spacing out. LOL

I plan on having 30 or 40 years with my kids - depending on how long we all live.  I don't expect them to live at home.  And I don't expect them to include me in every aspect of their life.  But even at the ages my kids are now, they are their own people with their own hopes, dreams, personalities, schedules etc.  I guess I say this from the perspective of being still very much involved with my own parents even though they are 3000 miles away.  And dh (and I) are still very much involved with his.  Not inappropriately involved - there are boundaries (which had to be enforced with the in-laws) but the relationship is still there.  

 

I do look back with fondness on the preschool years especially.  I loved teaching those little sponges at those ages!  But I don't really want to go back to that. I look at my son who only has one more year of high school and I don't feel any panic about him being gone in a year (or two depending on finances).  I know that he will still be my son and will still love me even as his horizons expand more and more.