Menu
Jump to content

What's with the ads?

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Hunter

Starting the New Year Broke

Recommended Posts

Who else is starting the new year broke?

 

I just got horrid financial news in the mail. All autumn it's been up and down financially, and then rainbows appeared and I was told that EVERYTHING was fixed. Now NONE of it is fixed, and I see no hope of any of it getting fixed. One agency is overpaying me $10.00 and that is setting off a domino effect of not qualifying for thousands of dollars a year of other services.

 

I've got one last check coming in that covers my last iPad payment. So I have no debts. Well no debts other that that three hundred thousand that my ex ran up in my name during the divorce, but I'm not counting that. So I'm dead broke, but have hardly any bills. That is good news, really.

 

I'm going to be fine, but there will be no spare cash to play with. I've always spent my cash oddly. All on books instead of what I was supposed to be spending it on. So life won't change much, except there will be no new books.

 

I have one more audio credit coming and one more $7.50 payment, before I cancel my audible.com subscription. I really need to use that credit wisely!

 

I'm choosing to look at this as an adventure. Is anyone else embarking on an adventure this winter? :lol:

 

I'll be using more of AO and Public School methods 1921 than I was planning to use. That is fine.

 

How are others planning to school/tutor/self-educate cheaply this winter?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm going to be broke because I haven't chosen to school cheaply next year. Happily I have few bills other than petrol. Of course I've convinced myself it is all going to be totally worth it, and I've decided to go out. To a social function. Without children. So I need to buy a new top. In between we will probably stay home and live on the 10kg of chickpeas I have in the cupboard.


A pox on your horrid financial news.  :cursing:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:grouphug:  Hugs to both of you.  This is a stressful time of the year.  I hope we can all figure out a way to enjoy it in spite of money problems.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dh's last day of work is 3 days before Christmas.  We live paycheck to paycheck as it is.  (We do have some savings but it is for retirement and education and really shouldn't be touched.  But we might not have a choice.)  I had just been at the point of being able to pay down some debt and now this. . . 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dh's last day of work is 3 days before Christmas. We live paycheck to paycheck as it is. (We do have some savings but it is for retirement and education and really shouldn't be touched. But we might not have a choice.) I had just been at the point of being able to pay down some debt and now this. . .

I'm so sorry. ((hugs))

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Rosie, I've appreciated the years I spent every penny on books. It felt good to have control of my money and to make the choices *I* wanted. The box days, and the instant gratification of downloads were lots of fun. Those years were good. Everybody should have years like that.

 

Just as good were the years I had so much less to spend on books. I used what I had better. There were the temporary pangs of not having what I wanted when I wanted it. But at the more important point of looking back over a year, or even a group of years, I often had less regrets from the lean years.

 

There is a Scripture where Paul asks for the ability to be happy in plenty and in poverty. I want to be able to always be happy. I'm getting better with both extremes. I think I find the transitions themselves harder than either extreme end of the spectrum.

 

I also find it hard to deal with the reactions of others to my extremes. When I have more, there are people who think I don't deserve it. When I'm at my leanest, there are people that are disgusted by the realities of poverty and think it's something to be ashamed of.

 

And my finances are always changing, and one change sets off ricochets of more changes. And I have friends whose poverty is so extreme and others who are so well off. It's hard sometimes to juggle friendships when the finances are so different, especially when the more broke friend is under obligations not to accept any gifts without reporting them.

 

Money is just so weird to me. I used to say it was just paper with no more real value than what I gave it, but now money is nothing more than computer blips. We move it digitally to buy digital things. I KNOW I bought a whispersync Kindle and Audible.com Swiss Family Robinson set for like 99 cents and it has disappeared from my accounts. Never has money, and what we buy with it, been so intangible.

 

I did freak out today, but mostly because I am sick sick sick of how my finances work. And I'm a little worried about it all giving me excuses to not eat. Last time I had a financial situation like this, I lost a lot of weight and developed Anorexia. I've been semi-recovered for 2 years, and holding onto recovery by the skin of my teeth. I have no food stamps now. Food stamps are really good for me, because they can only be spent on food. They don't work on books. It's so much easier on a rainy day to download an ebook, than to go out and buy food.

 

Rosie, chic peas are good. They are nice and bland. Food pantries here hardly give them out. They give out lots of black beans though. Anyone have a good black bean and rice recipe?

 

A broke January is a good time for read alouds, popcorn and tea. Hot cocoa if you can afford it. :lol:

 

What are others planning for read alouds?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:grouphug:

 

 

I've spent many new year broke. This is actually a good year for us. Phew!

 

We are going to go back over some old favorites for the sake of my 7yo who doesn't remember many of them.  (Older ds needs some motivation to read on his own anyway.)  Farmer Boy, Charlotte's Web, picture books.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry. We've been hit hard the last couple of months too. I had a lot of expensive medical tests, dh's car broke down and the dryer quit working. I'm pregnant and we have to buy a van before the baby comes because we won't all fit in the car we have now. I'm starting to need maternity clothes and most of my previous maternity clothes were for summer. Shorts and tank tops are not going to cut it in the winter. And of course, the baby will have it's own set of bills! I'm not due until April though and hopefully, if nothing else happens, we will be caught up by then.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As well as listing read alouds we are planning to read, lets play a game. What did you learn, because you couldn't afford to learn something else?

 

When I was a young teen I'd read almost all the books in the children's and young adult section. There was a section of adventure books about young men in WW2. In desperation I read them all. So I know lots about things like WW2 submarine warfare and the French youth resistance groups. :lol: Awhile back some of the older men in my building were talking about their dads being in WW2 and I started spouting off all this WW2 knowledge, and they were shocked and confused, and then started laughing.

 

So tell us about a learning opportunity you had, that was only because you were too broke to learn what you really wanted to learn.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

T's mom, I hear you about the van. Car seat laws make having children SO expensive. When I was a kid we used to ride in the open back of a pick up truck!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry to hear that so many of you will need to be flexible with finances in the upcoming year. It is tough staring down the holidays knowing that things are going to be so tight imminently.

 

I, too, am a passionate reader. Growing up, we never had money for books. My friend's parents always bought her the newest high school romance books. Oh, how I wished to read those books! She never loaned them, though, which added to the mystique. Instead, I talked to my high school librarian and asked her for suggestions (nearly every day). She had a love for British authors! She had me read everything Charles Dickens wrote at least twice. I dearly love Dickens...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Rosie, I've appreciated the years I spent every penny on books. It felt good to have control of my money and to make the choices *I* wanted. 

 

Absolutely. My financial problems are entirely self inflicted, but what is the use of my money if I'm not using it to pursue my grand plans? Happily this grand plan is being put into action during a year I don't have a husband to complain about the cost.  :rofl: 

 

I did freak out today, but mostly because I am sick sick sick of how my finances work. And I'm a little worried about it all giving me excuses to not eat. Last time I had a financial situation like this, I lost a lot of weight and developed Anorexia. I've been semi-recovered for 2 years, and holding onto recovery by the skin of my teeth.

 

Don't do that again, Girlfriend.  :glare: 

 

A broke January is a good time for read alouds, popcorn and tea. Hot cocoa if you can afford it. :lol:

 

Popcorn and movies here. Too hot for anything except flaking around on my bed watching movies and documentaries until 3pm when the shade falls over the front dam. Electricity is something I have plenty of in January so we can watch movies all day.

What are others planning for read alouds?

 

Just started reading the Little Women quartet. Christmas and snow, just what we need to read about now, heh.

 

 

 

As well as listing read alouds we are planning to read, lets play a game. What did you learn, because you couldn't afford to learn something else?

 

To cook. That was the only hobby I could afford while I was a student. Thank goodness. I'm a foodie and years living on ramen noodles would have depressed me.

 

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  to everyone whose problems are not self inflicted.  (Don't waste any on me!)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

ME! But that's just a way of life for me right now. lol I can remember the more financially ... uhhh... abundant days, though, and can't say that I was happier.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A friend made me so mad last night. At first she was lecturing me about my responsibility to not be so outwardly pitiful about my poverty, because it made other people feel like they needed to step in and help. I agree to a point, but she was taking it too far.

 

But then she got into what I do to bring this all on myself. That I must deserve so many bad things, because I must be sending something bad out into the universe that the universe wants to punish, and I need to figure out what is so bad about me, so I can stop this pattern. She got onto my arrogance and kept referring to something called "the unexamined life" whatever that is. I just hung up on her.

 

As I said in an earlier post, sometimes the hardest part of bad times is dealing with other people's reactions.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I, too, remember wanting to read those teen romances SO badly and not being able to. I ended out reading the books by Torey L. Hayden, and thank God that is what I was reading!!! I ended out being a teenaged mom of a 2E kid, and if I hadn't known that kids could be gifted and challenged at the same time, I don't know what would have happened. Because back in the late 80s, my kids' doctor certainly didn't know that.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Rosie, "self inflicted" poverty due to book buying is a rite of passage for divorcees. It's a heady feeling isn't it? :lol: I wouldn't have missed those times for anything.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

ME! But that's just a way of life for me right now. lol I can remember the more financially ... uhhh... abundant days, though, and can't say that I was happier.

Yup, this is how I predict the next chapter of my life. Just different. Not unhappier. Let the adventure begin!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:cursing:  I'll be mad with you.  

 

 

A friend made me so mad last night. At first she was lecturing me about my responsibility to not be so outwardly pitiful about my poverty, because it made other people feel like they needed to step in and help. I agree to a point, but she was taking it too far.

But then she got into what I do to bring this all on myself. That I must deserve so many bad things, because I must be sending something bad out into the universe that the universe wants to punish, and I need to figure out what is so bad about me, so I can stop this pattern. She got onto my arrogance and kept referring to something called "the unexamined life" whatever that is. I just hung up on her.

As I said in an earlier post, sometimes the hardest part of bad times is dealing with other people's reactions.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Rosie, "self inflicted" poverty due to book buying is a rite of passage for divorcees. It's a heady feeling isn't it? :lol: I wouldn't have missed those times for anything.

 

I beg your pardon. This is controlled book buying, for a grand purpose. This is not impulse buying!! :svengo:

 

 

(I did what you were talking about last year with the heirloom seed catalogue. Then the water pump broke, I rolled my ankle, was off it for 6 weeks and almost nothing grew.  :lol:  Retail therapy of some sort under such circumstances is probably a law of nature. Back before shops were invented, divorcees probably sniffed out bee hives and ate all the honey without sharing.)

 

 

Oh hang on. Do I have delusions of grandeur?  :huh:

 

Whatev.  :coolgleamA:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A friend made me so mad last night. At first she was lecturing me about my responsibility to not be so outwardly pitiful about my poverty, because it made other people feel like they needed to step in and help. I agree to a point, but she was taking it too far.

 

But then she got into what I do to bring this all on myself. That I must deserve so many bad things, because I must be sending something bad out into the universe that the universe wants to punish, and I need to figure out what is so bad about me, so I can stop this pattern. She got onto my arrogance and kept referring to something called "the unexamined life" whatever that is. I just hung up on her.

 

As I said in an earlier post, sometimes the hardest part of bad times is dealing with other people's reactions.

I'm sorry your friend made you feel worse. I'm glad you hung up on her. You don't deserve to be blamed for vagaries of life. I mean, it's not as if you're out there  blowing your cash on drugs or high living :)

 

This may sound weird from a non-religious person, but I've always believed there would be just enough to get through. And there has. Even when we lost a major source of my income, somehow there was enough for food and books. And that's all that counts, right ?

 

Hmm. I don't know if I've learned anything through being broke. I know everything I've learned, I've learned while not having much cash to splash around.

 

As far as homeschooling goes, I really only have ds to worry about. And I have enough resources from the girls that I really don't need anything else. I just tweak it to suit him. All I did buy, and only b/c dh gets a 40% discount at the bookstore where he works, is a brand new Australian history book, that tells the story of our nation from the Ice Age to the Apology through exploring the lives of young people. It's awesome.

 

Hunter, I hope the New Year brings better things.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oi Sadie! What's this Australian history book are you talking about? Australian history can be awesome? I need this! 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Rosie: It's by Nadia Wheatley and it's called Australians All: A History of Growing Up from the Ice Age to the Apology. It's a lovely looking book, very read-aloud and narration friendly. It's only out in hardback atm and selling for  $50.

 

It's aimed at primary school age - maybe ask your library to get it in so you can borrow it and work out whether it's something you'd like, and then wait till it comes out in paperback, or the initial price drops. Or just buy it :)

 

I'd offer to buy it for you at discount, but the postage would probably cancel the savings. It's heavy. I don't think Book Depository carries it :(

 

ETA: Booktopia has it for $42 atm

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is the third new year in a row that we're starting broke.  :(

:grouphug:

 

 

 

 

Something I've learned b/c I was broke?...

 

New recipes.  (Right there with Rosie.)  Not only recipes, but I learned how to bake bread (and a few other things)...the process, the science, the feel of it.  Instead of moaning over the food I couldn't buy, I entertained myself by making a game of seeing how cheaply I could feed the family.

 

How to fix things and make things by myself.  I need pants that fit? I had to buy them used at a thrift store and tailor them myself.  I made sandpaper letters for the kids, handwriting booklets, abacus, etc...  It's satisfying to make something useful.

 

I found a copy of Wheelock's Latin for $2.  I spent a lot of time with that.  Now I'm busier and poor in time.

 

 

 

I hope things turn out better than they look right now.  Necessity is the mother of invention, and all that jazz.  I'm certain that this is just the impetus for the next part of your journey. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm broke now. It has been an epically awful year. My fingers are crossed that We can swing a visa increase so we can afford firewood. Somewhere a horrible ceo is sitting in his mansion on my $40,000 despite admitting that he owes it to us. We'll never see the money and he'll continue ripping people off.

 

I'm not worried about school stuff. We're set for at least another year there. Fingers crossed that 2014 is better.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm starting broke. I won't get financial aid loans until the end of January. My big wild card is the heat. We don't have gas right now due to something I'm not allowed to talk about per the rules of this board. We're using space heaters again and that really racks up the bill, although I use them sparingly. I'm tightly budgeting for books for next school year, yeah, already.

 

I know it helps me to see others on this board dealing with similar issues. At this point I don't care about being broke, I mean I care, but I'm going to be a "broke college student" for a few more years anyway. 

 

I do have to make a call tomorrow to a government agency about multiple stacks of paperwork they've sent which seems to contradict the previous paperwork they sent. I'm also worried about my dad who is not doing well healthwise and by the end of the year I'll have to deal with someone (on a more regular basis) whom I'm not allowed to discuss badly per board rules. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm so sorry for all of you who are struggling financially going into the new year. For the first time in forever we might be ok at the beginning of the year, but because of the struggles of previous years, I'm afraid to spend a dime. I'm waiting for the inevitable other shoe to drop.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Rosie, you are funny about the honey eating. :lol:

 

Sadie, you are right that, independent of religion, most people end out with what they need. It's often an abusive family member that is responsible for true want, that goes beyond learning experiences and opportunities for creativity.

 

4blessingmom, I know I need to do some cooking. I'm going to have to hump all over city dragging home food from the pantries, and then use some real creativity to combine the half rotten and strange food and all those beans into something edible.

 

Sadie and PollyOR, thanks for the support about my friend. She can be over the top. I give her passes after I get over the worst of my anger, when she says things like that. She literally saved my life more than once in the past, in situations that are not appropriate to discuss here.

 

Elegantlion, :lol: about board rules about what we can discuss here. I've never had a moderator explain the exact rules to me, but I have tried SO hard to filter what I say here. I'm generally a very literal and truthful person, but I leave a LOT out here, and have even changed genders and number and names of places occasionally just to protect other people and myself. It's been quite the creative writing exercise to be able to tell the gist of my life that is relevant to this forum, without revealing all of the details.

 

Jenangelcat :grouphug: theft and betrayal is SO hard, isn't it? It's more than the money, and even the single event. Situations like this can shake our trust in the world itself, especially depending on how others react to seeing this happen to us.

 

Elegantlion, it's so exhausting filling out all that paperwork, never knowing if it's even a waste of time. I went through a phase of using Tarot cards, and I used to light a candle and lay positive cards next to it, as I filled out my paperwork and made phonecalls. Laying down individual cards pertinent to the situation, at each step, used to calm me. I never believed the cards changed anything, and I don't do it anymore, but I kind of miss doing that.

 

mama25angels, I know the afraid to buy feeling. I can spend cash, but I'm afraid to own bulk, for fear I'll have to move quickly and have no one but myself to get myself to another city lickety-split. I let myself accumulate books in my current apartment, but nothing else. And now with the constant financial ups and downs this fall, even the books are too much and I've been unloading them.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm so sorry for all of you who are struggling financially going into the new year. For the first time in forever we might be ok at the beginning of the year, but because of the struggles of previous years, I'm afraid to spend a dime. I'm waiting for the inevitable other shoe to drop.

 

This is more or less where we're at.

 

Our income hasn't changed, but my spending and budgeting has and we're going to be okay (knock on wood).  Still, it's because I'm afraid to spend a dime that we'll be okay, if that makes sense.  If I don't stay hyper-vigilant about spending then we'll be back to scraping together sofa change for grocery money at the end of the month (slight exaggeration... but only slight).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Elegantlion, I'm hoping good things for your dad. Finances seem so much pettier, when someone is sick. Money being tight makes it harder to take care of sick people though. And taking care of them uses up more money. But we feel guilty every time we think about the money. The money is just blips and paper, but it buys meals at the hospital cafeteria and warm slippers for their cold feet.

 

:grouphug:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is more or less where we're at.

 

Our income hasn't changed, but my spending and budgeting has and we're going to be okay (knock on wood). Still, it's because I'm afraid to spend a dime that we'll be okay, if that makes sense. If I don't stay hyper-vigilant about spending then we'll be back to scraping together sofa change for grocery money at the end of the month (slight exaggeration... but only slight).

hyper-vigilance is exhausting, even when it's successfully holding off the hounds. It's even scary. Sometimes scarier than failing to hold off the hounds.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm really struggling today, with the 40% off sale. I don't need anything. I really don't. But the only reason I'm not hitting buy, is because of other people's reactions to my not having what they have, or think I should have.

 

All last winter I ran around in a threadbare windbreaker over two sweatshirts. I didn't care. Combined, it was as warm as a winter jacket. On the first cold day a friend asked me if I was intending to go through another winter like that. When I said I was, they ordered a jacket from Walmart.com and had it shipped to me.

 

I was walking around the building in my flip flops and my toes got white and started hurting. I had to slowly and painfully warm them up and put some socks and shoes on. Usually this building is a sweat bath in the winter, but something is wrong with the heat. I've got this weird condition that I forget the name of, but I can lose my toes and fingers if I don't keep them warm enough. Before I knew it, a neighbor bought me slippers. Slippers. :lol: I haven't owned slippers since my divorce.

 

My friend took it too far, but her "outwardly pitiful" comment is still sitting with me. I'm trying to figure out what I am responsible for. How much of a right do I have to make do without things that others take for granted as necessary. Okay, the eat thing is necessary. I get that. But not having slippers and a winter coat isn't unfair to others, I don't think. They should just let me alone.

 

It's not about the silly mp3. I know I probably won't even listen to it. It'll probably come out as an audible.com version before I get to it, and I'll probably have lost/corrupted the mp3 and use a credit to buy another copy.

 

I'm just trying to figure out when we have the right to spend our money on books, instead of what others spend their money on, if we want to. When is it okay to be "outwardly pitiful" because we brought it on ourselves? Rosie, I'm going to go buy some honey with the last of my food stamps and make some honey cookies and I'm going to picture a historic type divorcee gorging on honey. :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As well as listing read alouds we are planning to read, lets play a game. What did you learn, because you couldn't afford to learn something else?

 

When I was a young teen I'd read almost all the books in the children's and young adult section. There was a section of adventure books about young men in WW2. In desperation I read them all. So I know lots about things like WW2 submarine warfare and the French youth resistance groups. :lol: Awhile back some of the older men in my building were talking about their dads being in WW2 and I started spouting off all this WW2 knowledge, and they were shocked and confused, and then started laughing.

 

So tell us about a learning opportunity you had, that was only because you were too broke to learn what you really wanted to learn.

 

The cause in my case wasn't lack of money, but lack of alternatives.

 

I was an exchange student overseas. When I packed, it didn't occur to me that I should pack something to read. All I brought in English was a little New Testament.  I ended up reading it cover to cover in about 4 weeks.

 

I also read through most of the English books my host sister had from studying English in her high school. Most of these were classics that I might not have picked up otherwise, books like Wuthering Heights, The Pugilist, The Picture of Dorian Gray, and Animal Farm.

 

Similarly, when we've been stationed overseas, where English books were treasures, I read a lot of older books, both history and fiction, because there just weren't a lot of alternatives.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hunter, IMO you have the right to spend extra pennies on whatever legal and non-harmful item you like as long as you've taken care of basics - shelter, food, warmth, medicines, bills.

 

There is no obligation on you to look a particular way. You seem to be concerned about 'deceiving' people into giving you things but it's not as if you are dressing up poor and putting out a begging bowl, kwim ?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You can add us to the list of starting out the New Year broke! Dh's unemployment benefits, like those of anyone else on a federal extension, are set to run out December 28. In the meantime, he is searching high and low for employment. I'm just praying I won't have to go back to grocery employment w/a second job to keep us afloat.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sebastian, That cracks me up because I did exactly the same thing abroad. I read all the American classics because my mom shipped the official American Lit reading list to me overseas. I also read the NT four or five times and did an in-depth study on Proverbs because my aunt shipped it to me. I read The Great Gatsby three times. My host family went to bed around 8:30 because they left for work at 5:30 but I stayed up each night reading til 11 pm.

 

I also read all of Sherlock Holmes and much of Agatha Christie translated into German because that was what my friend in Germany lent me. And, somehow, that English literature in German became like comfort food.

 

Emily

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree that you always have to the right to spend money that you have on yourself once you've taken care of the essentials.  And anyone who makes you feel bad about it is the one who should be ashamed, not you, Hunter.  I do have a kneejerk thing where when I see, say, someone with an expensive bag using food stamps, I feel upset, but I have really retrained myself to say, hey, they could have saved a little on that bag for months, it could be a present, it could have been from before they had a terrible financial disaster.  And everyone else should retrain those thoughts too.

 

When I was a kid and we were very poor, it was often choices like that - we chose to wear those old holey jeans for too long or to carry bits of our lunches in the backpack instead of having a lunchbag or things like that so that then we could bring our lunch from home or get dessert or buy a new book.  Those are an individual's choice to make.

 

I feel blessed that I am not in the position of starting the new year broke, so hugs to all who are.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We'll be starting the year broke.  This has been an expensive year in terms of necessary house repairs.  Our air conditioner/heater went out in the beginning of the summer.  We weren't going to even worry about getting it fixed because of the expense but once we realized our heat would not work either we had to bite the bullet ($4500.) Then we had to replace our windows because they were VERY dangerous.  They did not lock and 2 of them could have easily get pushed out with some force.  Not something I'm going to risk with 3 small children in the house. So we got new windows and a front door ($4300.) Our plumbing has had 5 leaks in the past 3 months and if we don't replace all of the plumbing our insurance company will drop us and the bank will take our house away.  Luckily my dad is paying for the plumbing and doing it himself but we'll have to repair the drywall afterwards get the bathrooms back in order.  

 

 

 We had the cash for all this because 2 years ago I started actively saving anything we had and cut our budget to the bare minimum so we could save for a vehicle that will fit our family once my youngest is no longer in a rear facing car seat.  There is no way we'd be able to afford a monthly car payment so paying cash is the only option.  Now we have nothing in savings and dh's income went down this past year so we can no longer put money into savings.  There is no where to trim the fat in our budget so paycheck to paycheck we live yet again.  There was a good 2 years where I thought we had pulled ourselves out but not indefinitely I suppose.  If we could refinance our house we'd have an extra $400 a month which would be great!!!! but our home is not in ready for an appraisal.  Fingers crossed that within the next few months it will be and we'll actually be able to refinance.  Our first attempt over a year ago didn't happen because our house lost value.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I find relationships to be so hard. The old rules I lived by were bad rules, but they were simple to follow. Basically it was to do everything that everybody wanted me to, working down the pecking order, unless it was against something listed in the Bible. Then I needed to do what the Bible said even if it killed me.

 

So now, this whole negotiating thing and setting boundaries and taking care of myself, is all so new. I don't like it when people buy me gifts, because it always feels like there is something attached, and sometimes it's illegal if I don't report it and have my check reduced. And then there is just what onlooker think.

 

It just all gets so confusing and complicated, and I get a stomach ache. My head goes around and around about what is "right" and "fair" and I have talked and cried to multiple social workers who mostly laugh and tell me to chill. But then there is sometimes a day when they lift an eyebrow or express some type of shock at an item I have or food I say I ate. And I worry, worry and try to make sense of that in context of what they have said in general earlier, and the true cost of the item I bought at some weird sale. Frozen asparagus used to be almost as cheap as broccoli at one local grocery store, so I'd pay the few extra pennies once a week for more variety, but that freaked out one social worker, who encouraged me to make all sorts of other expensive purchases I worried about, but couldn't wrap his head around the asparagus or my brand of notebook

 

And I still don't have a bed or any furniture. Just a piece of foam on the floor and some folding card tables and chairs, and a couple particle board bookcases. I like living light. I like knowing if I have to pack up and be gone quickly yet AGAIN, it'll be doable by myself without help. But the no furniture things drives people nutty. And it's rude they say to feed guests out of recycled cottage cheese containers. I not trying to be cheap with THEM. I just don't want to own dishes, and don't think I should have to.

 

I just like to camp out in my apartment with no TV, with just my books and devices. That's home to me. More is a scary burden, because the day WILL come AGAIN, when I need to dispose of stuff FAST, and that whole process just really sucks.

 

I never lie to people and I NEVER ask. But my very lifestyle is unfair to them they think.

 

And now the food thing is really going to stink, every time people want to share a meal with me. I'm going to want to eat mostly what I'm given, instead of spending every penny on food, but it's going to be food they don't want to eat. They are going to want me to buy some of what they want to eat. Or they are going to want to feed me in that moment, but then later sometimes resent it.

 

Just UGH! I wished I liked food more than books! But I don't!

 

Grapevine Stick Figure TMs are on sale 25% off tomorrow. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Way better than food and clothes and TV and beds! Silly other people who don't get it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I cannot discuss what dh is going through at work on here.... he asked me not to tell anyone... but i did tell my mom and his sister... they need to know why I won't be buying them presents this year.  And could possibly lose everything, including our children... OMG I am trying to not worry but it is so hard!

 

It has always been paycheck to paycheck... never any high living... although we have had more prosperous years... there have always been things to depress me such as cancer killing my grandmother, cancer killing a dear friend's father, Alzheimer's killing my great uncle, an anurism killing my other grandmother, cancer killing my father, my depression hitting hard after all of these losses and my own father takes the cake... it will be 3 years tomorrow and tears are welling up.... 

 

Delusions of grandeur indeed have me in debt.... not too badly, but add the medical bills to it and it is pretty bad.  

 

DH has too much responsibility at work ( A NOT FOR PROFIT: Sheltered workshop) and his downfall is food, mine is books... I too have spent too much on books but I am good at selling some when desperate.  It hurts!

 

 

I have become addicted to free downloads...of any sort!

 

Sucker for a sale here too....

 

Please pray for us and especially dh and his work dilemma.... he has 2 stents and heart damage..... I really don't want to lose him..

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

TGHEALTHYMOM,

 

Fear itself can be more harmful that the things we are worried about. Your greatest safety is in your ability to adapt, triage, and use your downtime to rest.

 

There have been times I let the fear take over, and those were bad times. It's not that my life wasn't at stake, but my chance of survival was vastly reduced by my inability to think clearly and pretend everything was okay to those interacting with me, that I needed basic everyday stuff from. Stuff like quarters for laundry. Because then things snowball and you are scared and smelly, and it's even harder to get help. Or you are hungry, or don't have gloves. Fake it till you make it.

 

Having survived some very scary things, has increased my confidence in my ability to survive some pretty bad things. There isn't much I'm terrified of anymore. But what I am afraid of is weird. I don't like to leave home without my hiking boots on :lol: I don't like knowing I can't walk a REALLY long distance if I have to. Cause like...you never know what COULD happen, right? :lol: And really weird stuff can happen that you might need to walk away from. :lol:

 

But seriously, except for money stuff, how would you be planning your days if you have nothing scary looming? Make sure to do lots of the things you would be doing. Don't let life stop. Grab ahold of it and SQUEEZE out every drop.

 

Laugh hard. Humor is just pain plus time and distance. If you can shorten the time to nothing, you can laugh right now, thinking about telling this story to others in the future. I have burst out laughing in horrible situations, just thinking about what a good story the crisis would make.

 

"Why are you laughing. This is NOT funny!"

"But it will be when I retell this!"

 

Try not to laugh out loud in the moment though. It can make things worse. A lot worse. Especially the whole bumbling authority figure type situation.

 

Treat yourself nicely. Make sure to keep cooking and eating. Food is calming to everyone. Gather your chicks and read to them.

 

No one knows what tomorrow will bring. The biggest catastrophes are unexpected and really can't be planned for.

 

You can do this!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I cannot discuss what dh is going through at work on here.... he asked me not to tell anyone... but i did tell my mom and his sister... they need to know why I won't be buying them presents this year. And could possibly lose everything, including our children... OMG I am trying to not worry but it is so hard!

 

It has always been paycheck to paycheck... never any high living... although we have had more prosperous years... there have always been things to depress me such as cancer killing my grandmother, cancer killing a dear friend's father, Alzheimer's killing my great uncle, an anurism killing my other grandmother, cancer killing my father, my depression hitting hard after all of these losses and my own father takes the cake... it will be 3 years tomorrow and tears are welling up....

 

Delusions of grandeur indeed have me in debt.... not too badly, but add the medical bills to it and it is pretty bad.

 

DH has too much responsibility at work ( A NOT FOR PROFIT: Sheltered workshop) and his downfall is food, mine is books... I too have spent too much on books but I am good at selling some when desperate. It hurts!

 

 

I have become addicted to free downloads...of any sort!

 

Sucker for a sale here too....

 

Please pray for us and especially dh and his work dilemma.... he has 2 stents and heart damage..... I really don't want to lose him..

 

I will keep you and your DH in my prayers!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sebastian and Emily thanks for your stories. They are uplifting.

 

Sadie and farrar, thanks for your words of wisdom! I'm rereading them.

 

Momto2Cs and hjffkj :grouphug:

 

Okay, my lust for SOTW 4 Audio passed. Then Grapevine passed too. Now my eyes are glued to some pretty cheap Alcazar Audio titles at Currclick that are on the AO lists. Some are less than $2.00. But, I'm not in the mood to find an empty card to put them on. So, I think I want nothing, now. :D All I want is for my friends to adapt to being okay eating out of recycled cottage cheese containers. :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

All I know, Hunter, is that if I make food for a friend, it's got no strings attached. It's a gift. Hopefully there are friends in your life who feel like I do.

 

And while I might be surprised to have my meal handed to me in a cottage cheese container, I would happily eat what I was given and be appreciative of it.

 

I think many people are like this. They would not see your choices as unfair, nor resent them. They might find them unusual, but hey, mainstream is pretty boring :)

 

I personally would invest in some floor cushions and some pretty plates from the thrift shop, because I like to have nice plates to eat off. If you buy from a thrift shop it's truly not a disaster if you break them or have to leave them. But that's just my preference.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

TGHEALTHYMOM,

 

Fear itself can be more harmful that the things we are worried about. Your greatest safety is in your ability to adapt, triage, and use your downtime to rest.

 

There have been times I let the fear take over, and those were bad times. It's not that my life wasn't at stake, but my chance of survival was vastly reduced by my inability to think clearly and pretend everything was okay to those interacting with me, that I needed basic everyday stuff from. Stuff like quarters for laundry. Because then things snowball and you are scared and smelly, and it's even harder to get help. Or you are hungry, or don't have gloves. Fake it till you make it.

 

Having survived some very scary things, has increased my confidence in my ability to survive some pretty bad things. There isn't much I'm terrified of anymore. But what I am afraid of is weird. I don't like to leave home without my hiking boots on :lol: I don't like knowing I can't walk a REALLY long distance if I have to. Cause like...you never know what COULD happen, right? :lol: And really weird stuff can happen that you might need to walk away from. :lol:

 

But seriously, except for money stuff, how would you be planning your days if you have nothing scary looming? Make sure to do lots of the things you would be doing. Don't let life stop. Grab ahold of it and SQUEEZE out every drop.

 

Laugh hard. Humor is just pain plus time and distance. If you can shorten the time to nothing, you can laugh right now, thinking about telling this story to others in the future. I have burst out laughing in horrible situations, just thinking about what a good story the crisis would make.

 

"Why are you laughing. This is NOT funny!"

"But it will be when I retell this!"

 

Try not to laugh out loud in the moment though. It can make things worse. A lot worse. Especially the whole bumbling authority figure type situation.

 

Treat yourself nicely. Make sure to keep cooking and eating. Food is calming to everyone. Gather your chicks and read to them.

 

No one knows what tomorrow will bring. The biggest catastrophes are unexpected and really can't be planned for.

 

You can do this!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

 

Thank you Hunter,

 

My biggest fear is for our children..... 8 at home....thank you for sharing your fears too.  

 

I do appreciate your encouragement!  My mom has a huge house but would never let us stay there....I also know I need to do more believing until receiving.  And I heard one time to always say, "I can't do ______ right now."

That just means for now and leaves room for some hope.

 

I have been wrestling with wanting some new books so I bit the bullet and boxed up a few to trade in on Amazon.  Bummed to miss the discount 30% off!  Missed out, OH well.

 

I may be able to tutor a student too, fingers crossed.  

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think you are right I should get some more plates. I used to have two, but now I just have one. My neighbor used one to do an experiment in his microwave with popcorn that failed miserably. The middle turned brown and got a crack in it. I think he tried to superglue it and thought I wouldn't notice. Men!

 

Bowls, plates, cups, silverware, pots, pans--it just all seems to add up once you start collecting them. I just get afraid to start again every time I need to start over. Maybe not so much afraid, but just...worn down at the thought. And then I see a new book, and I hit "buy" and then I don't have to think about dishes, because there is no money left :lol:

 

I used to be SO responsible. And then... I don't know. Being responsible about the little stuff stopped seeming important.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I get plates at the Dollar Tree or Deals  and love the bright colored ones...

 

No dishwasher though means more broken dishes so we are down to a few..... I hate to stock up so we are using paper plates for now. 

 

I have severe endometriosis and have had a horrid time for the past 2 months.  My surgery did help some but not near enough... now I need more surgery and I want to try to not have a full hysterectomy...

 

 Tubal, Ablation and more laser on the endo is what I am going to ask for.  If I don't get it done asap I will likely miss too many birthday's and Christmas..... Lupron shot is another option but I dread the effects... I want to be sane. 

 

 

 

Update:

I bought a set of dishes with silverware (Service for 4) for $14.99 tonight.... My husband washed alot of dishes tonight too. :)

I took our DD10 grocery shopping.  She kept wanting to buy presents but I had to tell her we cannot do that right now. :(  

I did explain that we tithe to our church and help others that way along with missionaries and Samaritan's Purse. 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Another option for plates is to buy a cheap 4 pc set. It's a mindset, when I buy individual pieces I never feel like it's complete. We're downsizing some items and I want to replace our dishes with a clear glass 4 pc set. Walmart has one for $20. I may end up with 2 sets eventually because I have a teenage boy that eats all the time, but that's all the plates and bowls I want. 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER & RECEIVE A COUPON FOR
10% OFF
We respect your privacy.You’ll hear about new products, special discounts & sales, and homeschooling tips. *Coupon only valid for first-time registrants. Coupon cannot be combined with any other offer. Entering your email address makes you eligible to receive future promotional emails.
0 Shares
Share
Tweet
Pin
×