Chris in VA Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Could she be Aspie? I'm sorry she's acting so callously. I wish you were my sister, like Sue in TX! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 I agree with a couple others who would love to have you as a sister. I would! You're awesome. I'm sorry about the horrible stuff your sister says and does. Would it help at all if you were assertive and flat out told her that you don't want her weight loss tips, and that certain comments are rude and hurtful? If that won't help, I'd try to find the humor in it. It made me laugh to read such outrageous statements. Does she have any friends? I'd delete any emails from her and throw snail mail directly into the rubbish bin. {{{{{HUGS TO YOU}}}}} Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Could she be Aspie? I'm sorry she's acting so callously. I wish you were my sister, like Sue in TX! :) I think there are more than a few Aspies on the board who wouldn't do such a thing and wouldn't want to be lumped in with her. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Do the in-law game? That's the game where you predict in advance all the foolish things people are going to do and then get points when they do them. So whenever you see an e-mail from sis, make a guess before you open it about what is inside and if you guess right reward yourself somehow. Sorry no better advice since she seems to really not be able to help herself. ETA: Normally I don't recommend making fun of something or someone, but this case seems extreme. Sometimes we have to laugh to avoid crying. KWIM? This may save me in a social setting coming up! What do I redeem the points for? Chocolate? Oops, supposed to be cutting back! Need something good! Ahh, buckeyes, those would be healthful and festive... :drool5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 25, 2013 Author Share Posted November 25, 2013 All new sisters are welcome. :001_smile: I don't know if I know this sister well enough to psychoanalyze her too much. She's 9 years older than me and was already at boarding school when I was born, so I only got to see her during the summers and short vacations. Then she was gone to college in another country by the time I was 9. But I think that somehow she saw me as getting to stay with Mom and Dad when she (and the other siblings) couldn't and it led to some pretty deep-seated stuff for her. I know this because I've heard some of her bitterness about it directed at me. My pointing out that I had no input at all about when she went to boarding school or my being born at all, did not impress her. I went to boarding school myself not long after she left for college but she wasn't there for that. Anyway. . . while her words and e-mails do sting enough for me to remember what she's said over the years, I also recognize that there is some very deep hurt there that causes her to be this way. So I try to protect myself while still loving my sister. We've come to have our own "mostly functional" way of relating twice a year. And I don't tell her that I talk to our other sister once or twice a week. Neither my other sister or I have any kind of a death wish. . . I just talked to her a couple of days ago - and had a nice "safe" talk about our lives. I think that reminded her of me so today I got her latest weight loss tip. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 Anybody who says the things she says to you probably is more than just rude -- it sounds like she has a personality disorder. Like narcissism in spades. The things she says to you is completely overboard. And I've read your posts for years: you're a really nice, good person. I agree that someone should monitor her emails on your behalf. My mom who is really mean and vile to me once sent me a picture of myself when I wasn't looking my best. I hadn't done my hair, I was bent over in a funny way and when I first saw the pic I thought, "who is that older woman? Oh, it's me!" And I'm positive that's exactly how she meant for me to take it. Hugs to you, Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 lol--yeah, I'm an Aspie, at least I show a lot of Aspie traits, and I probably wouldn't say those things, either. I do put my foot in my mouth often, tho, esp with my estranged brother and his wife. Weight is a sensitive issue for me--If I felt someone where constantly trying to get me to work on it, or that sort of thing, it'd hurt, and feel like I wasn't acceptable to them. But it would also make me feel aware of my failings, and, while uncomfortable, it might be a good thing in the long run. Extremely humbling and really, humiliating, and who likes feeling that? But your sis seems to be going beyond THAT, even. Sorry, hon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 That's just not kind. She is probably rabidly insecure. (Where is she in the lineup of siblings? Was she sent away to boarding school as well?) People happy enough in their skins don't try to tear down others. That's too bad. Sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 So I read the couple posts about making it into a game and rewarding yourself for correctly guessing what the email is about before opening it and thought ohhh a new drinking game, but then realized that it may lead to a drinking problem if this is her only way of communicating for the bulk of the year Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 So I read the couple posts about making it into a game and rewarding yourself for correctly guessing what the email is about before opening it and thought ohhh a new drinking game, but then realized that it may lead to a drinking problem if this is her only way of communicating for the bulk of the year Drink cranberry juice instead? Clean out the bad bugs and the bad sis at the same time?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 Drink cranberry juice instead? Clean out the bad bugs and the bad sis at the same time?? Call her when you feel a UTI coming on! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 Wow, that is so rude. I do have an Aunt that buys me a subscription to Health magazine each year, and is very pro-health, etc. She is morbidly obese. She had told me that she just wanted to inspire me to NOT go down the road that she went down and she regrets her size now. I understand her motives are good natured and try to ignore the little sting I feel when that magazine arrives each month. However, I like it and I am attempting to lose weight. I think it odd for your sister to do such a thing when she speaks so little to you but perhaps, it is her odd way of saying "hey, I'm thinking about you?" even if it is in an odd way? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 26, 2013 Author Share Posted November 26, 2013 That's just not kind. She is probably rabidly insecure. (Where is she in the lineup of siblings? Was she sent away to boarding school as well?) People happy-enough in their skins don't try to tear down others. That's too bad. Sorry. Yes, she is rabidly insecure. She's the middle child. I'm the baby. And yes, she was sent away to boarding school in elementary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 Send her articles on social skills training.Yep, that would be my reaction BUT I understand you're trying to keep the peace. I'd just shake my head and move on. What else is there? Every family gets one and she's yours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 Time to perfect your shrug and eyeroll. After reading your updates, this really is her problem, not yours. Don't own it. Don't entertain it. Just shrug and roll. Some people can never feel good about themselves without making someone else feel bad. It is her, not you. Shrug and roll. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in FL. Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 My fil was always fixated on people's weight. When his daughters would visit from far away his first comment to them would be about their weight. He always called me Chubby. Always. I just decided to go with it. I would just laugh and shoot some comment back at him. The funny thing was that he used to be in the Diplomatic Corps! Go figure. I would just remind myself to "consider the source" and not let it get me down. Easier said than done, but you can't change her. Hugs to you, Jean! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 I would block her email and never speak to her at all. Why have that in your life because you cannot be positive when you are surrounded by negative!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baseball mom Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 ((hugs)) You are a strong woman to take that kind of garbage without wanting to retaliate. I'm proud to know you. :iagree: But I like the idea of smacking her upside the head ;) That kind of stuff makes me :cursing: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 Things she's said to me in the past: (in a thank you note) - "I opened the gift and thought "oh yuck" but it really wasn't too bad. Thanks." (the last time we saw each other when I went back "home"): "I came in and thought "who is that old lady" then I realized it was you." So, no, I don't want to engage her in conversation about it! She's nice in her way but has very limited social skills at least as far as family goes. Whoa... :grouphug: :grouphug: People can be unbelievably hurtful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 Uh, wow. ((( ))) Here's a big hugful of commiseration for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 So you are probably too nice to send her articles about 'thinning hair in women'. Just saying, that you are probably way too nice to do that. Oh you know, because maybe she has some friends her age with that issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 27, 2013 Author Share Posted November 27, 2013 LOL. She will forget about me as soon as the holidays are over and I will stop getting "helpful" e-mails. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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