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Amethyst

How to find a date

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Any ideas for ds21 on how to meet a nice girl? Any good dating websites? He doesn't drink and is not interested in the bar scene. He's not interested in any girls at his school. He's feeling lonely. 

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What does  your son do with his time?

 

Most people this age are around other kids their age a lot - either in college classes or graduate school, or in the working world.  I would encourage him to start where he already is.

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Does he attend church or other religious services?  There may be a young adult ministry that he could attend.  That's where most of my friends met their spouses.  In fact, many people attending came from other churches because theirs didn't have groups for young singles.

 

 

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Non bar scene, non drinking, previously homeschooled, premed student...Where do you live? I have lots of girls...

 

 

Dd21 has met someone nice using a free Date Your College site. I know nothing about it other than she had some success there. It may have been Date My School...

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Non bar scene, non drinking, previously homeschooled, premed student...Where do you live? I have lots of girls...

 

 

Dd21 has met someone nice using a free Date Your College site. I know nothing about it other than she had some success there. It may have been Date My School...

And he's handsome and funny too!  (and he's actually in med school now)   :thumbup1:   (We're in PA)

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And he's handsome and funny too!    :thumbup1:   (We're in PA)

 

 

And, he has two little sisters who have him broken in...Already in med school....PA isn't all THAT far! Dh and I long distance dated...So, does he prefer more blonde or more brunette...Tall and willowy or shorter (but not truly short) and more curvy? hmmm...more science bent or more humanities...I don't think any of them would mind being a sahm who homeschools...Darn, gonna have to just get them together and see where sparks fly best. Or, we could just decide for them... Arranged situations worked for centuries.

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What does  your son do with his time?

 

Most people this age are around other kids their age a lot - either in college classes or graduate school, or in the working world.  I would encourage him to start where he already is.

Mostly he studies. 

 

He is the youngest person in his class at med school. Many of the girls are not just 1 or 2 years older, but 4-6 years older. So, he feels they are a little young for him. I feel also that he would do better with a younger girl. I could be reaching here, but I believe there might also be a feeling that he might not want a wife who is a doctor because he knows that could be a tricky lifestyle to pull off for someone like him who potentially would like to homeschool his own kids.

 

Also in med school he is surprised at the alcohol abuse going on. Probably no more than any other med school or college, but he hates being around it.

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Does he attend church or other religious services?  There may be a young adult ministry that he could attend.  That's where most of my friends met their spouses.  In fact, many people attending came from other churches because theirs didn't have groups for young singles.

While he still attends church with us, he goes for the sake of family rather than for the sake of religion or faith. I've given it my best shot, but my kids are not religious. So, no, I don't think anything to do with church would feel genuine to him. But I thank you for the suggestion.

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Well there are lots of dating sites out there.  I have no experience with them, but yeah sure there are.  There might even be some that are local to him.

 

It's hard to meet people.  I met people either through work or completely by accident.

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Charity events and volunteering, related to his field or not.  It could be with a church or not, although a church isn't a bad place to start.  :)  Anything related to a hobby or sport he enjoys? 

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And when I say completely by accident, I'm not kidding.  LOL  I once was hit by a guy driving a Jeep while I was on my bike.  It was my fault, but anyhow he drove me home after.  He called me that night to ask me if I was ok and he asked me on a date.  I had a boyfriend at the time so I said no.

 

 

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My daughter has the same problem.  She does not drink and is so fed up with college.  She can hardly wait to get out of there.  She is looking for a serious relationship, the guys at school are looking for a hook-up.  I worry that the workplace will be no better and your poor son is stuck in school still (I am not surprised that alcohol abuse is rampant in med school).  

 

My youngest sister had just about given up and was convinced that she would be single forever.  She ended up marrying one of my brothers roommates.

 

She was going to try match.com.  She had heard good things about it.

 

Good Luck

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And he's handsome and funny too!  (and he's actually in med school now)   :thumbup1:   (We're in PA)

 

SW PA???  :001_wub:  We're in an eastern suburb of the major city.

 

Can he dance?  Does he LOVE books and movies and sarcastic humor? Is he taller than 5'6"?  Would he be ashamed of a community college gal?

 

Seriously, though...  Diamond is an introvert.  She is not the flirty-giggly-sit-on-a-guy's-lap type. She will talk to people, especially if they approach her and have something relevant to comment on, not just "Hey Babe- wanna party?"  :ack2:  Has your son looked in the quiet corners of bookstores?  Gone swing dancing on alcohol-free college night?  Saw the girl with the Mjölnir keychain on her purse and asked if she's seen the new Thor movie?  Or maybe the girl doing her work-study hours in the campus library wearing her Batgirl shirt and asked who her favorite Batgirl is?  :coolgleamA:

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SW PA???  :001_wub:  We're in an eastern suburb of the major city.

 

Can he dance?  Does he LOVE books and movies and sarcastic humor? Is he taller than 5'6"?  Would he be ashamed of a community college gal?

 

Seriously, though...  Diamond is an introvert.  She is not the flirty-giggly-sit-on-a-guy's-lap type. She will talk to people, especially if they approach her and have something relevant to comment on, not just "Hey Babe- wanna party?"  :ack2:  Has your son looked in the quiet corners of bookstores?  Gone swing dancing on alcohol-free college night?  Saw the girl with the Mjölnir keychain on her purse and asked if she's seen the new Thor movie?  Or maybe the girl doing her work-study hours in the campus library wearing her Batgirl shirt and asked who her favorite Batgirl is?  :coolgleamA:

 

Heheheheh...looks like all Amethyst needs to do is post here!

 

Maybe I should talk to my dds about transferring schools...

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Perhaps he could participate in a few volunteer missions projects that would incorporate both his interest in medicine and also have other young people involved.

 

What other interests does he have? Outdoors activities? Literature? Humanitarian causes? He could find out what volunteer opportunities there are for people his age in groups related to his interests. I have always told young single friends of mine that if they don't want a relationship with someone who drinks, then going to bars is not a good way for them to meet compatible people. If they want someone who is interested in the environment, then they should check out the Sierra Club meetings, local canoe club, hiking club, etc. He needs to ask himself, where would the girl of his dreams be right now? What organizations would she have joined? And then go to those meetings!

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everything hillfarm said. 

 

He should go with his interests. Med school is stressful. Does he do anything to deal with the stress? If he runs, maybe he should join a local running club on some organized runs. 

 

He should check out meetups, groups post online that they are meeting at XYZ on  ** day at ** time. to do drum circle, speak farsi, practice swordsmanship, rebuild cameros, anything. Just scroll through the meetups listed and find one he likes. He won't necessarily find a girl friend, but he may find friends and expand his circle to include a girlfriend later. Meetups are informal --no fees. He doesn't need to feel compelled to committ to every meeting. 

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Agreeing with hillfarm. He is most likely to meet someone compatible, with similar interests, if he can get involved in a group(s) to pursue his personal interests.

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And he's handsome and funny too!  (and he's actually in med school now)   :thumbup1:   (We're in PA)

 

Okay, dd19A wants a picture. She is willing to relocate for now. However, he must agree to go into practice closer to us!

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Find a mom you like here, who has a daughter in the right age group............ Make arrangements for them to marry. You already have one offer above.........

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My dh approached me in our college library. While the girls in his med school classes may be older, there are plenty of girls on campus his age.

 

I agree with other people who suggested he join groups of clubs to pursue his interests or hobbies. Does he like to game? Is he in a Bible study? Does he run or hike?

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My dh approached me in our college library. While the girls in his med school classes may be older, there are plenty of girls on campus his age.

 

I agree with other people who suggested he join groups of clubs to pursue his interests or hobbies. Does he like to game? Is he in a Bible study? Does he run or hike?

There is no campus. Just the med school.

 

He likes to play tennis and he has on occasion asked girls to play with him but there has generally been no follow up. Whether that is his fault or his choice, I don't know. He likes bicycling. He likes to read. He enjoys politics (liberal. I can see his pool of suitors suddenly dwindling) and current events.

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Tania, my son just graduated from VCU--maybe she should visit some campuses close by and hang out there!

 

(He had the same social life "problem," with the drinking and hooking up being so prevalent there.)

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Part of his problem is probably that he is just more mature than a lot of the other 21 year olds he is surrounded by.  He will probably have a much easier time in a couple of years.  For now meetups and other social groups are great places to meet friends.  Volunteering also tends to be a great vehicle for meeting like minded people.  Maybe if he focuses on enlarging his social circle rather than finding someone to date he will meet someone who knows a great girl to introduce him to.

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I could have had the boy married in five minutes had it not been the word "liberal" in fine print. LOL.

 

Tell him to calm down. As soon as he starts rotations, a young nurse will snap him up quickly. Patience.

 

And tell him to keep an open mind about other physicians. Many of them homeschool. I work with a physician who has 8 kiddos and home schools. Many other female physician friends have 3 or 4 kiddos although they do not homeschool.

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Have him volunteer for summer camp next summer. That is how my doctor friends met their mates that they are still married to today. Volunteer work. My friend who is a pediatrician met her dh at a summer camp where they were both counselors. 

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He enjoys politics (liberal. I can see his pool of suitors suddenly dwindling) and current events.

 

That settles it. Arranged marriage between him and dd. Problem solved. :lol:  Potential liberal suitors around here (Deep South) are practically nonexistent!

 

Part of his problem is probably that he is just more mature than a lot of the other 21 year olds he is surrounded by.  He will probably have a much easier time in a couple of years.  For now meetups and other social groups are great places to meet friends.  Volunteering also tends to be a great vehicle for meeting like minded people.  Maybe if he focuses on enlarging his social circle rather than finding someone to date he will meet someone who knows a great girl to introduce him to.

 

Agreed. Both my dc resemble this remark (the part I bolded). It makes things difficult for them. 

 

The good news, is that after reading this thread, I see there is hope for my ds!

 

Maybe we really should start a site called "HomeschoolerMatch.com". :thumbup:

 

OP, I feel for your ds. I was the same (younger than my classmates in age, yet 'older' in maturity). Making friends is what helped the loneliness. The dates will come. It is hard at holidays (Valentine's Day!) and special occasions, but friends do help.

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Does DS have friends?  Sometimes I think there is too much emphasis on the dating scene and that just adds additional layers of stress and drama.  I think it would make the most sense for him to use his free time to get involved with activities that were enjoyable and meaningful for him.  Hopefully he will meet people this way.  Perhaps he will make friends, perhaps one of those friendships will develop into an even deeper relationship.  DH and I were friends before our relationship moved in a deeper more romantic direction and eventually culminated in marriage. 

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I always met interesting people when I volunteered. I used to read for a print handicapped radio station, worked with Habitat, volunteered at the pet shelter.

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I always met interesting people when I volunteered. I used to read for a print handicapped radio station, worked with Habitat, volunteered at the pet shelter.

Definitely!  Our oldest daughter's boyfriend was initially a friend she made while she and DH were on a volunteer site for Habitat.  He invited her to attend a homecoming dance the next fall as a friend and things blossomed slowly from there.  She was twelve when they first met so we were glad to see things go slow and we got to know him and his family well over the years.  They are currently at colleges on different sides of the country but still very connected so who knows what the future holds. 

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Great ideas have been shared.  Do any of his friends have little sisters?  Maybe he could spend a weekend here or there to meet some nice girls.  :)

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My dh approached me in our college library.

 

This is how I met my dh, too!  Libraries are THE place to hang out, obviously.

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