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What constructive criticism can I give on this thesis statement?


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DS14 is doing a 5-paragraph character analysis essay on the character traits of Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird.  The thesis statement that he came up with is:

 

 

A stereotypical lawyer would cringe at the manner in which Atticus Finch displays wisdom in raising his children, respect for others, but most of all, his honesty before a judge.

 

For the most part, I think it is a good start; however, for the purpose of this essay, I'm not sure the "stereotypical lawyer" part is appropriate.  My brain seems to be fried and I just can't seem to pull together any really coherent or constructive criticism.  Thoughts?

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No, the "stereotypical lawyer" is not appropriate.  What is he basing this stereotypical lawyer on?  Ethics?  Logical thinking skills?  Is his view of the stereotypical lawyer one of a shyster who lacks ethics?  I suppose he could get away with defining a stereotypical lawyer but it would still be his perception of what that is.  

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No, the "stereotypical lawyer" is not appropriate.  What is he basing this stereotypical lawyer on?  Ethics?  Logical thinking skills?  Is his view of the stereotypical lawyer one of a shyster who lacks ethics?  I suppose he could get away with defining a stereotypical lawyer but it would still be his perception of what that is.  

 

That was my assumption as well.  While the whole point of a literary essay is to prove your own opinion about a piece of literature, the "stereotypical lawyer" part is based on an opinion outside the scope of the book itself.  Also, being a "stereotypical lawyer" doesn't necessarily mean that one lacks wisdom in child-rearing and respect for others, though if one is discussing the popular stereotype, it would be generally accepted that they are not necessarily honest.  

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A thesis must be arguable. While I do not consider the "stereotypical lawyer" a wise choice of wording, I do not find the statement to be arguable. A thesis needs to be something that can be debated, that has two sides, not just some observation.

I am no sure where he wants to go with this beginning.

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A thesis must be arguable. While I do not consider the "stereotypical lawyer" a wise choice of wording, I do not find the statement to be arguable. A thesis needs to be something that can be debated, that has two sides, not just some observation.

I am no sure where he wants to go with this beginning.

 

He is not debating the "stereotypical lawyer" part; his thesis is based on Atticus' character traits.  He is trying to prove that Atticus acts with wisdom, respect and honesty throughout the book.  This is part of why I feel like the "stereotypical lawyer" part is neither necessary nor appropriate.  It really adds nothing to what he's actually trying to prove.

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But that is really not a good thesis because it is obvious - who would argue with this assessment?

 

Well, I wouldn't disagree if it was strictly a literary analysis essay; however, this is a character analysis essay.  I'm not really sure there's anything original left to say about the character traits of Atticus Finch.

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His reworked thesis statement:

 

 

Widely regarded as the quintessential male role model, Atticus Finch displays wisdom in raising his children, respect for others, but most importantly, honesty before a judge.

 

Personally, I think he could have come up with stronger traits to highlight; but for his first character analysis, I think this is acceptable.

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Well, I wouldn't disagree if it was strictly a literary analysis essay; however, this is a character analysis essay.  I'm not really sure there's anything original left to say about the character traits of Atticus Finch.

 

But character analysis is literary analysis, it is not a listing of "character traits." A character analysis essay should analyze a character in the story — his or her background, thoughts, motivations, relationship with others, role in the story, etc. It should address how the author uses the character's appearance, actions, dialog, etc., to convey things about that person; it should dig beneath the surface. An essay that says little more than "Atticus Finch was a nice guy and a good dad" is not an analysis.

 

Here is an example of a character analysis essay:

 

A Character Analysis of Mrs. Jake Grimes in Sherwood Anderson’s “Death in the Woods.â€

 

The value a person places on himself or herself is largely determined by the value others give to that person. Those who grow up loved and cherished learn to feel worthwhile and develop a healthy sense of self. Such a background of love and caring can even sustain a person through periods when he or she feels unloved and insignificant. But those who have never known love, who have never been given any human warmth, soon come to see themselves as worthless. Such an emotionally starved person is Mrs. Grimes of Sherwood Anderson’s “Death in the Woods.†Mrs. Grimes is a woman who has been denied any vestige of love or tenderness, she exists only to be used.

 

From her childhood on, Mrs. Grimes has been trapped in a cycle of exploitation. As an orphan, she became a “bound†girl, legally contracted to work as slave labor for a farmer who terrified her with his lust, and for his wife, who frightened the girl with her jealousy. The girl’s only escape from this prison was marriage to Jake Grimes, a shiftless farmer who beat her and expected her to work the farm alone. When the couple’s son grows up, he joins the father in abusing the mother. They demand that she feed them, and somehow she must also sustain the animals of the farm:

     “How was she going to get everything fed? – that was her problem. The dogs had to be fed. There wasn’t enough hay in the barn for the horses and the cow. If she didn’t feed the chickens how could they lay eggs? Without eggs to sell how could she buy things in town, things she needed to keep life on the farm going?â€

Her life is nothing but an endless battle to meet the demands of the animals – and men – who devour her strength and youth, turning her in to an “old woman when she isn’t even forty yet.â€

 

Trapped by life, Mrs. Grimes never thinks of fighting back. Because she had always been brutalized by the world, she learns to expect nothing from it. Life, to her, is merely survival. As the narrator says, “Whatever happened she never said anything. That was her way of getting along.†Even her death is not a conscious suicide; it is just a surrender to circumstances that dominate her, as events have always dominated her. She dies, dreamily fading into the cold, “softly and quietly.†Even her dreams could have provided no escape, for she had no happy past to dream of because “not many pleasant things had happened to her.†In dying, as in living, Mrs. Grimes knows of no way but to give in, because she has never seen herself as someone worth fighting to save. Deprived of the love that teaches one she is valuable, Mrs. Grimes places little value on her life.

 

As the narrator of the story says, Mrs. Grimes was “one of the nameless ones,†the insignificant ones, but, after her death, others began to notice her, to see her value. Lying frozen in the snow, the body of Mrs. Grimes seems somehow transformed into “the body of some charming young girl.†The townsmen who cover her body regard it with a kind of respect and awe, and they want to avenge her mistreatment at the hands of her husband and son. The sight of the dead woman creates a “strange mystical feeling†in the minds of the adolescent narrator and his brother. Too late, someone sees the beautiful person inside of the mistreated, broken woman.

 

Mrs. Grimes died as she lived – exploited, for “even after death [she] continued feeding animal life,†her sack of scraps is ripped open by her dogs. Treated not as a person but as a thing, Mrs. Grimes died without ever seeing her own value. Her tragedy is not so much the account of her death as it is the story of her life, lived without love or even respect, and of attention paid, too late.

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Is it his first try at literary analysis? With his thesis as is, he is going to fall into the trap of summarizing the book and not analyzing. It is so tough to get kids to think differently. I teach middle school kids, and that thesis sounds like a solid middle school thesis statement.

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Must a thesis statement always be arguable?  When researching how to write a thesis sentence, I came across https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/545/1/  that states that there are three types of thesis sentences:  anaylitical, expository, and argumentative.

 

So could have the thesis " A stereotypical lawyer would cringe at the manner in which Atticus Finch displays wisdom in raising his children, respect for others, but most of all, his honesty before a judge." be changed just to "Atticus Finch displays wisdom in raising his children, respect for others, but most of all, his honesty before a judge."?

 

What do ya'll think?

 

Myra

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Must a thesis statement always be arguable? When researching how to write a thesis sentence, I came across https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/545/1/ that states that there are three types of thesis sentences: anaylitical, expository, and argumentative.

 

So could have the thesis " A stereotypical lawyer would cringe at the manner in which Atticus Finch displays wisdom in raising his children, respect for others, but most of all, his honesty before a judge." be changed just to "Atticus Finch displays wisdom in raising his children, respect for others, but most of all, his honesty before a judge."?

 

What do ya'll think?

 

Myra

While the thesis statement does not have to be arguable, it does need to be provable. There should be a strong contention that drives the paper. The thesis statements being given are rather elementary and do not seem appropriate for high school level writing to me. (They are more like I would expect from middle school) I would want to see analysis with more depth. Fwiw, I also see listing the traits as more detail than contention.

 

It has been ages since I have read To Kill a Mockingbird, but IIRC doesn't Atticus actually buck societal norms in his view of others stereotyping and inferior treatment? If so, those traits need to be emphasized. Something more along the lines of.....

 

While all men are influenced by the time and society in which they live, Atticus Finch does not allow the constraints of societal norms to define his character.

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