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Does introversion/extroversion change over time? What's your experience?


Janie Grace
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Introversion/extroversion  

111 members have voted

  1. 1. What applies to you?

    • I have become more introverted over the years.
      45
    • I have become more extroverted over the years.
      15
    • My personality has been pretty consistent in this category.
      51


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I feel that my degrees of introversion goes in waves.  I think life has a rhythm in many ways and this is just one of them.  I'm not so sure that someone can change from introversion to extroversion or vice versa, but the degree of either is constantly changing.  I can say that I'm much more confident now that I'm older, and certain situations don't cause me the stress they used to, but I'm still introverted, and being around a lot of people drains me rather than invigorates me, as it does my extroverted daughter. 

 

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While I think my introvert/extrovert has been steady (I'm in the middle but just a little on the introvert side), what has really changed in my "shyness".   I really worked at a certain point to overcome it and it worked.   Someone recently couldn't imagine that I was ever shy.   I was really surprised. 

 

 

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I'm tempted to say I'm more introverted now, but in reality I think I've always been rather severely introverted - it is just *far* more apparent to me at this stage in life.  My DH works out of our home (and so visits me regularly throughout the day), and I'm hs'ing my DS and DD, and that is WAY more interpersonal interaction than I ever had before at any stage in my life.  Even back when I was in school all day I wasn't having to constantly interact all day - I could just observe a lot, and once I was out working as a software developer, I worked on a computer all day and lived alone.

 

I love love love my life now, and am crazy about my family, but it is super hard for me to feel like someone is talking to me all day long! 

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I'm an introvert now, just as I was as a child. What I've learned as an adult is how to behave as an extrovert when required. It still costs me though.

:iagree: Me too.  People never believe me when I say I'm a complete and total introvert!!  I kind of consider that a compliment though, because it shows that I really have learned over the years how to be friendly and outgoing when necessary.  But they have *no* idea how exhausting it all is to me (nor should they).

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I'm pretty introverted, and always have been. But over time, I think both my coping skills and my self-awareness have improved.

 

Many people I meet now are surprised if I say I am an introvert, or when I step out of a room with a joke about taking an "introvert break." (I used to just say I was going to use the restroom, and just stand in there where it was quiet for a while!) I don't think I've actually become more extroverted, I've just gotten better at talking to people without draining myself, and at managing my down time.

 

If that makes sense.....

 

Cat

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This is a discussion DH and I have quite often. We think he is a quiet, retiring extrovert, and I'm an outgoing introvert. Really, we're just confused! :lol:

 

I will say, though, that dealing with things like adrenal fatigue and other health issues at times have caused me to be much more introverted when they "flare up." And, being with loud, obnoxious people during those times are particularly fatiguing and I will avoid them like the plague. I'm more likely to join a party and enjoy it (extrovert) when I'm rested, healthy, etc. Which probably says I'm an introvert who really likes people. DH also says I'm "an activist looking for a cause," if that means anything. :coolgleamA:

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I voted "more extroverted", but, when I first took the Myers-Brigg I think I came out as 100% "I", and now it's probably more around 75%. I've improved at the whole "socialization" thing and interacting with people in general, and sometimes forget I'm still introverted until something happens to remind me.

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I'm a lifelong extrovert. I can generally find something to enjoy about the company of most people and I've always thrived on interacting with others. As I get older, though, I find myself needing more 'recovery' time between events. Sometimes, an evening on the couch wins out over a social event that I know I'd enjoy. I just have no desire to stack back-to-back events. I used to have a superhuman energy level that allowed me to do everything I found interesting without paying for it physically or mentally. Now I need more quiet, still hours to recharge before I face the next thing. I don't know if that makes me more introverted, or just more tired.

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As I grew more confident and cared less about making a mistake, I grew more extroverted.  I remember being in high school and avoiding having a conversation because I was worried about making a grammar/elocution error.  I actually remember sitting in an Artic Circle Restaurant when I was about 16 and thinking that others make grammar/elocution errors and no body laughed at them, so I would be safe to speak out loud too.  LOL  

 

My shyness and perfectionism, had me so uncomfortable to be around others, I became introverted.  

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I've always been an introvert.  As a child I was shy, too.  As I got older and gained confidence I lost the shyness, which *may* have made me seem to be less introverted to others.  But my introversion didn't change.  I will always need massive amounts of quiet time to recharge my battery.

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I think I've always been an introvert but didn't realize what my "problem" was when I was younger.  I've gotten more accepting of who I am, and better at faking it as I've gotten older.  I also think I'm not as shy as I used to be since as I've gotten older I've stopped obsessing about doing it wrong.  Although I do still go over a conversation in my head and think of things I should have said, or wonder if I said something offensive without meaning to.  So, maybe I'm really not that much better.  :tongue_smilie:

 

I find that being on the computer or reading helps me "get away" even when I have no choice to be around people.  We have a very small house, with too many people and I find it overwhelming since I can NEVER get completely away.  I've actually found working to be helpful since I'm basically left alone to do my job especially when my boss is out of the office a couple times a week. 

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I want to like every introverted post on here. Like others,the only thing that has changed  from my childhood is how I handle my introversion. I am also an introvert advocate among the people I know.  It's easier to keep relationships going when people get where you are coming from. Then I can stay at home in front of my fire without feeling guilty.

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The voting choices didn't really work for me. I test *barely* extroverted. I think for people in the middle it is more situational than anything else.

 

I used to be strongly "E", but now, every time, I'm definitely "I", though barely.  It has been that way for the past several years.  I actually think my natural state has changed.  

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This is a discussion DH and I have quite often. We think he is a quiet, retiring extrovert, and I'm an outgoing introvert. Really, we're just confused! :lol:

 

 

 

 

I love what you said here because it's something I've been thinking a lot about lately -- the difference between being quiet/retiring and being an introvert, the difference between being outgoing and being an extrovert.

 

I'm a quiet, retiring introvert, but I have a daughter who is an outgoing introvert.  My other daughter seems to be a shy extrovert.  Dh is more of a boisterous middle-of-the-road sort.

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I'm an introvert now, just as I was as a child. What I've learned as an adult is how to behave as an extrovert when required. It still costs me though.

This.  And I was forced by my extrovert mother to socialize and join activities I had no interest in doing.  She mocked, berated and belittled my introversion.  As an adult I go or do nothing that I don't want to do probably to an extreme level.

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The author of Quiet talked about this ability to 'fake it' and how you should only use it for things important to you ( for me, making connections with other families for my children's sakes ) and take time to recover from it.

I've not read Quiet but interestingly enough I fake it for my children also.  I will almost always force myself to go and do for them.  On the rare occasion that I don't my dh always steps in and takes them.

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I'm an introvert - haven't changed a bit.  However - I have learned to deal with my introversion over the years,  Same with my shyness and social anxiety. People are usually shocked after they've known me long enough to realize this stuff because I deal with it very well.   

I doubt most people actually change personality types to much of a degree, but we can all learn to compensate when necessary.

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This is a discussion DH and I have quite often. We think he is a quiet, retiring extrovert, and I'm an outgoing introvert. Really, we're just confused! :lol:

 

I will say, though, that dealing with things like adrenal fatigue and other health issues at times have caused me to be much more introverted when they "flare up." And, being with loud, obnoxious people during those times are particularly fatiguing and I will avoid them like the plague. I'm more likely to join a party and enjoy it (extrovert) when I'm rested, healthy, etc. Which probably says I'm an introvert who really likes people. DH also says I'm "an activist looking for a cause," if that means anything. :coolgleamA:

 

lol... how do you both feel AFTER the party?  does he start to chat in the car?  do you crash once you get home?  those can be other clues.

 

for myers-briggs, its a measure of where you get your energy.  the defining question (out of many) can be:

"If you are tired after a long day's work and the phone rings as you get home inviting you to a party, do you:

 

.... stay home because you can't imagine going anywhere OR

 

.... go to the party because you know you will perk up once you are there.

 

(my wording)

 

we all need alone time and companion time, the difference is in whether it zaps energy or gains it.

 

for kids, i often look at how many friends and companions they have.  introverts tend to have one or two close friends, whereas extraverts tend to have those.... plus half a dozen others who are close friends at an activity or casual friends.  interestingly if you ask this group of friends, several of them will think that they are close friends/best friends with the extrovert, even if the extrovert doesn't think so. 

 

hth,

ann

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Can you be both????  I love people.  I like to be with people.  I need to be with people.  HOWEVER, I also need time alone to recharge to just think, dream, reorganize, plan, etc.  Typically, I need a nap after I have taught or done a high energy activity with people.  I get cranky if I don't get alone time and I get cranky if I don't get my people time...    This is partly why parenting has been hard for me, though it has gotten easier as they have gotten older.  Being on call 24/7 is just tough for me. I can interact really well for 7 or 8 hours, but then I am exhausted and don't really want to talk to ANYONE but just be still. With teenagers that is easily possible, for preschoolers, not so much.    So can you be both????

 

not so much, no.  but it is a spectrum, and you can be close to the middle. 

 

all people need alone time and all people need together time, but it is in the energy drain/energy gain that the difference shows itself. 

how did you answer the party question? 

 

i am an extreme extrovert, but after leading worship and interacting with parish members for four hours, i need to be All By Myself for a few hours. 

and in our homeschooling journey, i built in 30 minutes of alone time in the morning, and an hour in the afternoon. 

 

my dh, the extreme introvert, builds in together time with me and the kids, because if he isn't intentional, days/weeks/months could go by....

 

and under stress, people tend to revert to opposite personality type, some more so than others.

 

if it helps you at all, after teaching or a party, i am full of energy and can't go to sleep for an hour or more afterwards..... and i wake up in the morning feeling fabulous.  dh, by contrast, is exhausted, and wakes up tired.

 

hth,

ann

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I was so extroverted as a kid.  And in the right situation I can be.  But as an adult I enjoy the silence a lot more.  I find my nerves can't do a lot of crowds and noise.  I get headaches almost right away.  I miss socializing but find I do better in small groups.  No idea why, but yes, I notice that as an adult I really enjoy being alone!

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I am still introverted and require lots of energy to be sociable. However over the years I have gained skills in sociability so that I don't get as exhausted and can endure longer in social situations. I have also figured out how to take mini-breaks to recharge. My daughter-in-law says she loves holidays at our house because we all socialize for a time and then go to our respective corners to be alone for awhile.

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Can you be both????  I love people.  I like to be with people.  I need to be with people.  HOWEVER, I also need time alone to recharge to just think, dream, reorganize, plan, etc.  Typically, I need a nap after I have taught or done a high energy activity with people.  I get cranky if I don't get alone time and I get cranky if I don't get my people time...    This is partly why parenting has been hard for me, though it has gotten easier as they have gotten older.  Being on call 24/7 is just tough for me. I can interact really well for 7 or 8 hours, but then I am exhausted and don't really want to talk to ANYONE but just be still. With teenagers that is easily possible, for preschoolers, not so much.    So can you be both????

 

I'm INFJ and this describes me well. I love people. I love talking to people. But I also need my down time

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I was pretty introverted for the first 40 years of my life.  I was majorly introverted as a child.  Then I got a job at the age of 40 being a cashier at Wal-Mart.  It was gradual, but by the time I left 3 1/2 years later, I was much less introverted than when I started there.  I still wouldn't consider myself an extrovert.  I don't think I ever will be, but I do know I am not nearly as quiet and shy as I once was.

 

My daughter was born an extrovert.  She is now 25 and it hasn't changed.  I doubt it ever will.

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I was pretty introverted for the first 40 years of my life.  I was majorly introverted as a child.  Then I got a job at the age of 40 being a cashier at Wal-Mart.  It was gradual, but by the time I left 3 1/2 years later, I was much less introverted than when I started there.  I still wouldn't consider myself an extrovert.  I don't think I ever will be, but I do know I am not nearly as quiet and shy as I once was.

 

My daughter was born an extrovert.  She is now 25 and it hasn't changed.  I doubt it ever will.

 

But "quiet" and "shy" aren't the same things as introverted.  They can overlap, but they're totally different things.

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I've always been an introvert, but I'm finding that I'm becoming even more so as an adult.  What has changed for me is my confidence in saying "no" to gatherings that I don't inherently want to attend, in fact, probably to an extreme degree.  I have also learned to be okay with the fact that I simply don't like being with people.   

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i also find it ebbs and flows to some extent.  When i was young and HAD to go to school, i dealt with being there all the time, but had horrendous stress.  As an adult I understand myself better and am more able to cope.  But dh is pretty convinced that being around crowds still wipes me out, even when i enjoy it - i usually need TWO days off after my state (inclusive) homeschool convention, which is only medium-sized or smallish.  I had knee surgery in Feb, and being isolated for so long made me not want to leave the house much - i have to kinda push myself to be around people, I often enjoy it, but when I'm done, i'm OUTA there.  When I was younger I felt more responsibility to be around people even when I was so overwhelmed I was starting to sort of dissociate, but now I take better care of myself - which means spending less time in unpleasant social situations and accepting myself as I am.  and being grateful that my boys are perfectly content with our minimal social life.

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Can you be both????  I love people.  I like to be with people.  I need to be with people.  HOWEVER, I also need time alone to recharge to just think, dream, reorganize, plan, etc.  Typically, I need a nap after I have taught or done a high energy activity with people.  I get cranky if I don't get alone time and I get cranky if I don't get my people time...    This is partly why parenting has been hard for me, though it has gotten easier as they have gotten older.  Being on call 24/7 is just tough for me. I can interact really well for 7 or 8 hours, but then I am exhausted and don't really want to talk to ANYONE but just be still. With teenagers that is easily possible, for preschoolers, not so much.    So can you be both????

 

 

You sound like an introvert.  We don't hate people - we often love them and then get really tired.

 

L

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It's complicated.

 

My introversion/extroversion has varied over my life.  When I was a very little girl, I was extroverted.  Loved school in 1st and 2nd grade for the socializing aspects.  3rd grade on I was introverted and shy.  About 10th grade I felt less shy and was somewhat extroverted and at least through my 20s and mid 30s I leaned extrovert.  Took the Myers-Briggs in my late 20s & tested Estrovert, but very close to the middle, which probably explains my changing.  It depends on what stressors are going on in my life.  I have periods with a lot of changes and stressors and losses & I tend to be introverted during those times, though I do long for support. 

 

As I get older I find myself more introverted, but again I think it is due to external factors.

 

I do enjoy having people over, but it also is physically tiring.

 

So, long story short, mostly extrovert, with strong introvert tendencies.  I love to do social things and be with people, but need processing/thinking/recovery time.

 

I prefer to work with others in a cooperative atmosphere, but often find the dynamics of committees frustrating or the personalilties too aggressive and so I end up finding myself preferring working alone.  Does that make me an introvert? 

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I am an introvert and think I have probably become more introverted as I've gotten older.  I do think that everyone except for those closest to me probably would be surprised to hear that though.  I can be very social and chatty and appear to be at ease around lots of people.  However, left to my own advices, I likely would choose never to leave my house.  That is barely hyperbole.  

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I used to be strongly "E", but now, every time, I'm definitely "I", though barely.  It has been that way for the past several years.  I actually think my natural state has changed.  

Same here. 

During undergrad, I was strongly "E" and now I'm and "I".

 

The older I get, the more introverted I have become. I wonder it it's also a result of my circumstances - virtually no friends nearby, nothing. :( 

 

Maybe being online and having online friends has something to do with it also. Maybe when we feel connected to others online, we have a slightly less need to go out there in the real world and connect with others. Just thinking here. Not sure what it is. 

 

I am an introvert and think I have probably become more introverted as I've gotten older.  I do think that everyone except for those closest to me probably would be surprised to hear that though.  I can be very social and chatty and appear to be at ease around lots of people.  However, left to my own advices, I likely would choose never to leave my house.  That is barely hyperbole.  

This is so me. 

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