jillian Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 We have our orientation for fost-adopt on Tuesday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not many folks get our excitement Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 Have fun! It's great to get the ball rolling - give it a little push and it just starts going by itself! Fair warning - we've gone through fost-adopt training twice and each time, in our state, it starts off with grief. The first few classes are pretty heavy. It's an eye opener. So be mentally prepared for that, so it doesn't blindside you. There is absolutely grief in adoption, and it was always hard for DH and me, to start off focusing so heavily on that. Just don't let it take you by surprise. Focus on the positives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillian Posted November 14, 2013 Author Share Posted November 14, 2013 I am in the mental health field and have done many a grief workshop but thanks for the heads up. I am looking forward to it. Husband has nasal surgery the day before so he will be bruised and probably super sleepy. Adoption happens because of loss--loss of the first family (and subsequent foster families if the child is bounced around), loss of the hopes of going "home" even if it was an unsafe place, for the child, loss of safety and security. And then the loss for the foster/adoptive family. Loss of the biological connection, loss of the child's innocence (this goes in the loss for the child(ren) too). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 Oh, good, I'm glad you know what to expect. We always watched the other participants go glassy eyed, and we'd take bets on which ones would show for the next class. Usually they just disappeared, but one came back to say she decided to adopt a puppy instead. Seriously?? A puppy? Our classes were always great, and we learned so much. Hoping yours are just as good! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillian Posted November 15, 2013 Author Share Posted November 15, 2013 Oh my goodness?!?! Really a puppy or a child, not the same. We have to do 14 hours training for our state but we are both chronic researchers lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RebeccaS Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 Oh, good, I'm glad you know what to expect. We always watched the other participants go glassy eyed, and we'd take bets on which ones would show for the next class. Usually they just disappeared, but one came back to say she decided to adopt a puppy instead. Seriously?? A puppy? Our classes were always great, and we learned so much. Hoping yours are just as good! Dh and were the same way, lol! There was a couple in our trainings who came to the first class raring to go! They had the house ready, bunk beds purchased and set up, plenty of love to go around...and got to the class on s*x abuse and we never saw them again. Those who kept in contact with them said they freaked out at that point and stopped the classes (to be fair, they had a 4 month old at the time). Last I heard, they did start up again, but it was a bit later on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 Oh my goodness?!?! Really a puppy or a child, not the same. We have to do 14 hours training for our state but we are both chronic researchers lol That was one of the first things our trainer told our class. "If you want something to love, get a puppy." You'd be surprised. We started our classes in Los Angeles (then moved to another state where we adopted) and these were my favorite quotes from people in our first class: "I used to run a daycare but I don't get too many kids anymore, do this is how I'll supplement my income." Upon being given the list of crimes you couldn't have committed..."What about my juvi records? Those are sealed and you can't see those!" It was amazing. I was teaching in South Los Angeles at the time and I can tell you that for a lot of those kids, foster care wasn't any better than the home they were removed from, and a lot of times it was worse. So sad. Anyhow, yay! Good luck! The classes were amazing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upennmama Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 Welcome and good luck! Fostering has been the best headache ever. :) We adopted our son through FC and are fostering again now. It's incredibly hard and wonderful at the same time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 We have fostered over 100 kids and adopted 3 through the foster care system. It is much better and much worse than you will ever hear in those classes. My suggestion is to link up with 1-2 experienced foster families (same agency is ideal) when you get started and use them as a sounding board, your Q& A go to, resource experts, etc. The support is great and many times the workers have so many cases and kids that they are busy dealing with crisis after crisis that little things might slip by and you won't even know to ask---that kids get free lunch at school, there is extra help for kids with special medical needs, occ. you can get a volunteer to help with transportation, a list of area doctors and dentists that take the kids insurance, etc. We have had kids from 2 days old to a 17 year old with her baby, kids from terrible situations and kids from terrible circumstances (but the kids were cared for and loved), kids from detention centers and kids from residential treatment centers, single kids up to families of 4 siblings, and kids from many different races, including a toddler who spoke and understood no English. Some we still miss, even 15-18 years later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillian Posted November 15, 2013 Author Share Posted November 15, 2013 I have a couple friends who have adopted through region 3 in my state and they foster/adopted so we have that (me more than dh since I am the one who is more social lol). I'm on adoption forums and have heard the horror stories and the celebratory stories. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 Woohoo! Good for you! I remember those days! How exciting for you! We've adopted all five of our kids from foster care. All were under three when we got them. All of our adoptions went through smoothly. I guess we are an anomaly. But I do want to let you know that it can happen. And it does. I know a lot of people personally who have had good, smooth adoptions, no problems with RAD or any of that. Just remember, when talking to the social workers, smile and say, "yes ma'am, " and "yes, sir", remembering that it will all be over eventually. That was the most frustrating part for me, was working with the idiocy of the system. It's enough to make you really mad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillian Posted November 15, 2013 Author Share Posted November 15, 2013 Thanks everyone. I am in the mental health field and have read and read and read everything about attaching, adopting the hurt child (thanks Keck) and Purvis. They are all on my christmas list Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted November 16, 2013 Share Posted November 16, 2013 Often the system is more difficult to deal with than the child. It took Arkansas over 2 years to decide that my girls relatives were not appropriate to adopt them...........when they had Criminal Se8ual conduct convictions against KIDS...........that should have taken all of 2 minutes to decide they were not the best place for 2 young girls that they had never even met. Thankfully the girls stayed with us the whole time and we could eventually finalize the adoption. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMV Posted November 16, 2013 Share Posted November 16, 2013 Best wishes on your journey, Jillian (and family)! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillian Posted November 16, 2013 Author Share Posted November 16, 2013 Often the system is more difficult to deal with than the child. It took Arkansas over 2 years to decide that my girls relatives were not appropriate to adopt them...........when they had Criminal Se8ual conduct convictions against KIDS...........that should have taken all of 2 minutes to decide they were not the best place for 2 young girls that they had never even met. Thankfully the girls stayed with us the whole time and we could eventually finalize the adoption. Very true. I'm not saying that we can handle everything or are fully "prepared" and going in with blinders because that is irresponsible, but I think we have a lot of information already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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